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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  May 17, 2021 11:00pm-11:44pm PDT

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michael's birthday was actually pretty cool. it was a good day. i don't know. it was a good day. >> hey, what's going on, everybody? i'm trevor noah and this is "the daily social distancing show." today is monday, may 17th, which means it's your last chance to pay your taxes on time. and i know people hate paying their taxes, but don't think of it as the government taking away your money, think of it that everything the government buys is yours. that's what i do. so when i walk down the street, i think, "oh, there's my stop sign! there's my orange traffic cone!" and then, when the police stop me from taking it home, i can say, "hey, stop beating me with my batons!" anyway, on tonight's show: space aliens are getting shy, ronny chieng gets rich off nft's, and everyone switches sides in the mask wars. so let's do this, people! welcome to the daily social distancing show.
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>> from trevor's couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world, this is "the daily social distancing show" with trevor noah. ♪♪♪ >> trevor: all right, people. our first story is about venmo. you know, the app that lets friends send the same $25 back and forth to each other. the money transfer app has become one of the most popular ways for people to pay for definitely not weed, but it's also a kind of social network with all the privacy risks that go along with that, and it turns out that no one is safe. >> heads up to anybody who uses venmo. if you have your app on the phone that allos you to send money with a click of the buttedden, you have the ability to make the transactions public or private. the contacts are not private. users were able to find president biden's personal venmo account recently and buzz feed
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was allowed to look at everybody joe biden is connected with on the app. the white house was alerted, scrubbed the account, and venmo has not said whether they're making contact lists private after this report. >> trevor: okay, this is shocking! joe biden has a venmo account? how? the dude is, like, 150 years old! i thought he paid for everything with silver dollars or some shit. i didn't even know they had venmo on rotary phones. pizza emoji, cat emoji, heart emoji. and, also, people, why does joe biden even need a venmo account for? i mean, he's the president of the united states. who's asking him to chip in for drinks at drien's birthday party? if i'm the only one, i always thought anyone who command a drone army didn't pay for anything. the fact is even the president's data is public on ven venmo. which is scary. not for me.
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i've become numb to how dangerous tech is. i'm aused to -- i'm used to tech companies abusing my privacy. i know what looks like an app bird is used to create an artificial killing machine. it brings joy three seconds, worth it. i can't imagine joe biden is losing sleep. first of all, i've seen biden speak, he's asleep when awake and, second, he's the president of the united states. do you know how much other shit he has on his plate? end unemployment, fix the immigration seem and gelt major to let go to have pete buttigieg. on top of that he's got to deal with ufos. >> here's a question been asked do you believe in ufos. a naviy pillet said his partner saw unidentified objects repeatly. >> lieutenant graves told us pilots training off the atlantic coast see things like that all
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the time. >> every day. every day for at least a couple of years. >> wait a minute. every day for a couple of years? >> mm-hmm. >> the intelligence comety older the director of national intelligence and the secretary of defense to deliver a report on the mysterious sightings by next month. >> trevor: okay, hold on. the navy has had ufo sightings every day for two years? two years these aliens have been popping in and out? those are the most passive aggressive age inviolation ever! we've got a lot of shit on our plate, either probe me to death or not but don't leave me in suspense. if any of your aliens have been watching us recently, you do realize this is not how we normally roll. i want to clarify a few things -- humans don't usually wear masks, we don't usually just talk to each other over the computer, and we don't usually scratch our butts and sniff it to make sure that it smells like
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butt. i know we actually do that but i don't want us to look bad to aliens. i'm not surprised this pilot was a white guy. this dude saw ufos every day for years and kept going back to work. wonder if they will be back more? guess i'll find out. if that was an african pilot, the moment he saw a ufo, he would be landing the plane and finding a new job. i have no business with them. i don't know why they're coming but i have no business. all joking aside, no such thing as aliens. i know whenever we hear about ufos, people get excited but there's always a perfectly reasonable explanation for what you see. for instance, those could be secret military planes or even just clouds. yeah. so just ignore the ufos. but if the aliens ever do come
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to kill us all, i just hope they give us an option on how to die. sort of like what south carolina is doing. >> breaking news here and quite a choice to make here reel. in south carolina the governor signed a law that would force inmates on death row to choose electric chair or firing squad. the state has not carried out an execution in a decade due to a shortage of drugs for lethal injection. so this new law keeps lethal injection as the preferred to method but it requires either the chair or the firing squad if the drugs are not available. >> trevor: that's right. if south carolina can't get the drugs to lethally inject you, then you choose either electrocution, in which case they take you to the electric chair, or death by firing squad. in which case they take you to an american high school. i have a question here, people, how are they coming up with these options? are they all in a room spit balling ideas? so how about a firing squad or a guillotine or, oooh, what about
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this -- eating too many ghost peppers! what do you think? or we could always just not kill them. ( laughter ) just kidding. how about if they get tampled by elephants? i mean, look, i guess props to south carolina for being the only republican state giving more black people the right to vote on something, but my question is how do you expect people to choose an option, like how do they even know which one is better? like the people who have been through it can't exactly post a yelp review so how do you know? personally, i would probably pick the chair. yeah. it's going to be horrible but at least i would have a little last minute revenge. yeah, you might be executing me but wait until you see your electric bill. ha ha! but let's move on to our main story -- face masks. they're responsible for a 9,000% surge in smizimg over the past year. last week the c.d.c. officially announced that aside with few
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exceptions people who have gotten the covid vaccine no longer need to wear masks to stay safe, and i was so excited. i went out to a bar, walked into traffic, skydiving into a pool of sharks, didn't have a mask on for my of it and it felt great except for my leg. but now some people are telling the c.d.c. to slow their roll. >> with only 37% of the population fully vaccinated, some public health experts say more people need to be getting shots in arms before taking off masks. >> the c.d.c. went from zero to 100 overnight. >> i think people should continue wearing masks indoors for probably another few weeks. >> the largest nurses' yeun in the country disagreeing with the c.d.c. condemning the rollback saying its puts those who are immunocompromised, children and front line work, at risk. >> some are questioning whether federal officials are moving too fast but loosening mask regulations. some call it premature.
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>> epidemiologist fight! on the one side you have the c.d.c. saying take off your masks, the other side experts are saying that is crazy. i'm not surprised, people, experts disagree all the time. how nine out of ten dentists want you to brush your teeth. the last one is, like, let your teeth rot, live your life! plus experts very disagreeing throughout the pandemic -- is it airborne, state safe to go backo school, do you have to pay for a gift at a zoom wedding? when you have respected scientists on both sides to have the argument, makes it hard to know what to do. that's why i'm grateful for anonymous twitter replies. those people always know the answer. so wise. either way, i know that a lot of people are confused now about which experts to listen to and which solutions to trust. and that's why i've come up with the obvious solution -- i call it the half mask.
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it's the only mask that's been banned from etsy. both sides win like this. what do you mean it doesn't make sense? the point is the c.d.c. is getting a lot of backlash from experts who want people to keep masking up. unfortunately for the c.d.c., some people who have wanted to get rid of the masks this whole time are also mad at them. >> i'm sure you've seen the republican criticism saying well, great, this is encouraging says andy biggs, but questioning the timing, biggs says while -- you've got to love marsha plaqueburn asking in a tweet -- jim jordan has a theory on why things are changing -- >> this is poll driven. all is they're done with it all. >> if jim jordan thinks it's a
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coverup i trust him because he knows a lot about coverups. this reaction is a little weird because months of republicans complaining about mask priewls but now they're upset the mask rules are being relaxed? what? like mariah carey getting mad at you because she got you for christmas. no, mariah, you said this was all you wanted! so the c.d.c. is taking fire from all sides. but, guys, they're just reflecting what the science says and everyone agrees that if you are vaccinated, it is unlikely you will get sick or spread the virus even without a mask. like me clicking install updates now rather than remind me later. it's technically possible but not actually going to happen. to be clear, a lot of places are accepting the c.d.c.s' new guidance. the problem is how to actually enforce it. >> major retailers are dropping mask requirements for vaccinated shoppers in response to the latest c.d.c. guidelines.
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among the names on the list costco, wal-mart, sams club, trader joes and publics. and starbucks. >> don't need to wear in stores. >> this is the honor system. no one's asking for your vaccine card. >> the only problem is if there is no verification of vaccination status we are now exposing two-thirds of the country and seeing that the honor code is already not working. >> trevor: yeah, no. no, no, no, no. there is no way you're going to be able to trust customers with the honor system. i mean, have you ever seen the ten items or less line? people will walk into that lane, look the cashier straight in the eyes and proceed to drop 22 items on the checkout counterjust daring them to say something. i know it's not practical to check the vaccination status of everyone who walks into your store, but if they suspect an unmasked person isn't
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vaccinated, they could at least try to catch them in a lie. that second shot was crazy, huh? i mean the way it came down from the ceiling in that robot harm and had the liquidity nitrogen, that was crazy, right? yeah, that was nuts! ah-ha! but, yes, because this is based around the honor system, lots of unvaccinated people won't be wearing masks even though they should be, which is i wrorchg because as it turns out a lot of vaccinated people who don't need to wear a mask anymore are going to keep doing it anyway. >> even with the option to take off their masks indoors and outdoors, many who have beenvacked say they're remaining cautious and keeping them on. >> i think i will probably still wear a mask until i feel it's safe enough to not. it's not just to protect me but to protect, like the c.d.c. has said, protect the ones around them. >> last week they tell you everybody must wear a mask and two days later they're saying take off your mask. i don't trust any of it.
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>> if you're not wearing a mask, i want to stay away from you. >> it's tough to explain to the kids we can take ours office and they have to keep them on. >> until i get more directions, i'm going to keep the mask on. >> trevor: wow. i can't believe we were worried that we wouldn't know who's vaccinated or not because now it's obvious, the vaccinated meme people are the ones still wearing masks. isn't it a little weird to me that some fully vaccinated people are treating their faces like limited edition pokémon cards that can't be let out to have the box. but at the same time i get it -- if you spent a fortune on masks, you want to get your moneys worth. i understand it as someone who owns 743 hoodies, i'm wearing these things. here's the thing, lest be honest, wearing a mask even if you don't need to harms literally no one. all right? people are out here wearing fancy crocks and fanny packs.
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it's fine. do whatever makes you comfortable for whatever reason you want, although i don't know about those people who are saying they want a mask because their kids still have to wear a mask. what do you mean? i'm setting an example -- you're an adult! different rules for adults is one of the core things kids learn. just tell them i don't have to wear a mask and i can stay out past 8:00 and i get two servings of ice cream if i want you know why? because i got old, bitch! seriously, people, if anybody wants to wear a mask because that's what their gut tells them to do, that's fine. and i'm not just talking about risk-averse liberals, either, because apparently some coronavirus conspiracy theorists have also started wearing masks because, get this, they believe that vaccinated people are infecting them with their mutant microchip dna. and you know what? honestly, more power to them.
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kind of warms my heart a little bit to think that somewhere a liberal who's wearing a mask, even though he's vaccinated, will run into a conservative wearing a mask to protect himself from vaccines and the two will look at each other and think, yeah, this guy gets it. all right, when we come back, ronny chieng learns about the latest scam in the art world. and sharon stone will be joining my on the show. so don't go away. ♪who can take a sunrise♪ ♪sprinkle it with dew♪ ♪cover it in choc'late and a miracle or two♪ ♪the candy man♪ ♪♪ ♪'cause he mixes it with love♪ ♪and makes the world taste good♪ ♪'cause the candy man thinks it should.♪
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i wonder what ruffles would be like without ridges. it would be like t-pain without auto-tune. ♪baby yeah, oomph!♪ how's that? did we get it? perfect. it's kinda like uh... like a coach without the will to win. uh, everyone just run around and then uh, somebody just shoot. maybe on three? [together] maybe. or like you without your... my basketball skills? your basketball skills. ruffles. own your ridges. what else would it be... nothing else. [crunch] when you think about art, what do you think about? do you think about paintings or museums? but definitely not cutting-edge technology. but it turns out that is beginning to change, and ronny chieng has more.
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>> nft. >> nft. >> nfts. >> nfts. the nonfungal toe mails or naked flag tricks or nonif you thinkable tokens? whatever they are, everyone is talking about it. >> what is this new system? where digital only products are bought and sold? >> the painted work by the robot known as sophia sold for $700,000 at auction. >> a robot painting worth $700,000? that's definitely a scam. to find out exactly how the tech gurus are screwing us this time we spoke to the top tech bro. >> it's not a scam. definitely can make money with nfts. >> because you said so. >> yes. >> mark, level with me, is this like the mavericks where you got stuck with nfts and you're trying to convince everyone it's cool. >> nfts are really a game changer.
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i can issue an nft to allow you have ownership in my house, in that trophy mind me. you can spend 25, 50, $100 on great collectible art. this stuff is just starting. it's going to get bigger and bigger and bigger as more people understand it and become comfortable with it. >> trevor: i don't know what the (~bleep~) it is. >> it's just a simple way to own things. >> trevor: what i really admire is how you've taken something really simple that people understood and replaced it with something super complicated and it's going to make you even more rich. bravo. ( applause ) >> ronny, rook, if you go into nfts, don't do it to speculate. don't buy something because you think it's going to be worth millions of dollars. buy something because you want to collect it. if you really truly like it it's worth it. >> had me convinced it's time to buy nft. should i starred with a gift, a tweet or a pyrogirl or pick up
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work by one to have the new stars the digital artist. >> you basically upload a video and you can make an nft out of any video, any picture or sound or anything you want. >> great. how much can you real realisticy make. >> i sold a jpeg of the last 13 years of work and that sold at christies for $69 million, making me the third most expensive living artist -- >> what? holy shit! this dude raked in $69 million on an nft of one jpg? >> you know what, can you just show me the art that you're talking about? >> here's the piece i sold. this was the first picture i did, a drawing of my uncle jim. and this down here is the absolute last picture. it's a bunch of weird stuff drawn by a fully adult man
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pervert. >> that's a real inspirational message, keep being a weird pervert and if you don't get arrested, eventually you might make $69 million. and turns out beeple's art gets only more mature from there. >> the thing is sort of imagining if everybody wants to drink milk from this weird robot mickey thing because they put super addictive properties into it so people were kind of a bit cracked out trying to get this mickey mouth. >> i don't know much about art but that looks like something someone who knows about art would say is not art. >> uh, yeah. >> but what do i know, maybe noted critic jerry can help me appreciate the true value of people's work. >> what you're seeing is pure crap ola. they're cartooning unridgable bro high school notebook blah.
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>> it also sold for $69 million. how do you reconcile your personal opinion with the fact that he's now super rich? >> well, art has always loved sleeping with money, and money loves having sex with art. >> in this case it's more like they're 69-ing, right? >> it's like a dick-waiving contest. at auctions you see white guys bidding up other white guys until, you know, they bring home the trophy. the next tech bro will want to pay $70 million to own the same looking thing, but i promise you all of them are going to lose money except for, you know, the four or five percent. >> and that's what america is all about. if the price of making money is you, jerry, shitting on it, i think that's the price i'm willing to pay. my instinct are right as always. nfts are definitely a scam, which means i had one last
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question for beeple. i have to get observe board. if i don't get in i'll hate myself forever. >> the 1,000%, can't lose. >> can you lend me money to get in on this. >> no. >> so can i take a photo of your artwork that you just sold and make an nft out of that? >> you could. it probably will not sell for very much. >> we'll see about that my pervert friend. yes, we will. >> trevor: all right, when we come back the one and only sharon stone is joining me on the show. so don't go away.
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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily social distancing show." my guest tonight is the award-winning actor and activist, sharon stone. she's here to talk about her new memoir, sexism in hollywood, and how a near-fatal stroke changed her perspective on life. sharon stone. welcome to "the daily social distancing show." >> well, thank you for having me. i'm so honored to meet you. >> trevor: the honor is all mine because, i mean, you are a living legend and an icon. you have been in some of the most iconic movies, telling some of the most iconic stories, playing some to have the most iconic characters, but your new
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book that you have out tells us the way you got to this place. i learned 20 years ago you almost died. please walk me through that and why you decided to share the painful, harrowing story with people about a life i never lived. >> i thought about where do i want to start and i thought maybe i should start with me and figure myself out first. i thought i should look at my life so i could see an authentic look at my life. i just felt like once i had that near-death experience, it was the authentic things that became really of value to me and of interest to me, and what i really -- once we have that death or near death experience, we're, like, you know, i'm not going to waste my time on unimportant things from now on.
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i want to do the things that are truthful and honest, i want to move forward truthful and honestly, and i really believe that's the biggest change that's happened in my life from that. >> trevor: your book the beauty of living twice, a lot of people through this book will be introduced to sharon stone the young girl experiencing trauma growing up, then sharon stone the woman trying to make her name in an industry that, i mean, we think of as being sexist today but, man, when you describe it in the book it really really shows us how far hollywood has come and how far it still needs to go. so let's talk first about the things you experienced in your childhood. what were your hoping to achieve by sharing some of these stories with an audience that will genuinely be shocked that you went through these things as a child? >> well, i think that it's very important to understand which things belong to us and which things don't, just for starters. when you have trauma, you have to understand, in order to sort
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it out, what's your responsibility and what isn't. some of my trauma was sexually related, and, so, when you're a child, obviously, none of that is yours, none of that belongs to you. when there's sexual trauma, our whole way that we have been taught to deal with it is it's a secret. it's a secret, it's a shame, it's oh, don't talk about that, we're not supposed to ever talk about that, shh. my whole impetus for talking about it, like there's lies checks at school, there should be sexual abuse checks at school. i think sexual abuse is bigger than lies. we should have standard checks. pry school, elementary, middle school, high school, college. i think all of this stuff needs to be really regulated in the school system just like everything else because this stuff starts at home. it doesn't start with a button
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under somebody's desk in a business office. >> trevor: it really does start in the home and we start to have see those effect in society and those effects show up in many different ways. one of the most shocking for me, i think, came in the book when you were talking about one of your most famous movies of all time basic instinct and how the iconic scene that everybody around the world grew to know you for and the movie for was a moment when you yourself were tricked into the scene. tell me about that and how you felt not just about being tricked but then how you figured a way to own your power post that happening. >> okay. well, i think i talked about it pretty much as i want to in the book, but i do think my mother summed it up very well in a phone call she got where someone called her at home right after the movie came out and said, how do you feel about your daughter's nude at this in this film?
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and my mother said, frankly, i was much more concerned about her playing a sociopathic serial killer, but thank you for calling. ( laughter ) because i think that people made so sensationalized the fact that i was naked as god made me. >> trevor: right, right, right. >> -- and were a little bit less concerned that i was playing a really violent serial killer. >> trevor: right. >> with no conscience at all. >> trevor: mm-hmm. >> so i think the fact, first of all, that this thing was so sensationalized was also the hook the studio gave it to sell the movie. >> trevor: ah -- >> i think it's more a publicity scam than it is in reality as big a deal as everybody made it. and i think power came from me knowing that. i think my power came from me staying in my dignity and
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understanding that i was really great in the part, that i really did a great performance. i was good in the movie, and people believed me as a sociopathic serial killer so much so that their bigger concern was that i was naked, not that i might run around killing people everywhere. so i think that we probably should, at this point in life, start putting it back in perspective and stop playing the studio p.r. game. >> trevor: i completely love that. i feel like that's what the book is and who you are as a person. you're somebody who tells it like it is. many people may not know this about sharon stone, but you are a fierce advocate for human rights, and one of the causes closest to your heart have been fighting for people suffering with hiv/aids. that is something that has decimated so many people around the globe and for a long time it was a hidden secret not just in america but in south africa and places, and now we're slowly
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climbling out of the hole of shame associated with hiv/aids. what are some of your proudest moments in this journey so far and what do you hope to see going forward. >> one to have the great things i got to do is raise the money that funded the research to develop the drug that stopped mother to child transition. when we got to take naviropene to south africa and it became a law that pregnant women had to take h.i.v.-positive women had to take the drug so that this stopped, you know, hundreds and thousands to have babies to be born without hiv/aids, this was remarkable. but then, all of a sudden, and particularly in south africa, these women had this terrible choice because they couldn't breast feed their children and
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transmit hiv/aids. but there was no clean water, so we were giving babies malaria because they were walking with gas cans full of filthy water on their head to make the formula milk. so i went to south africa and said what are we going to do? so i worked with a company about putting in water wells. i have been back a few times and i've gone to these girls' schools, and these girls, they were curtsying to me and looking down and calling me sir because they were taught that any important person was a sir. and i think one of my most rewarding experiences was telling these girls, i'm like you, i'm a woman, i'm not a man, and every important person isn't a sir. you're important. i spent the entire day teaching these women, these young women that not everybody that was important was a man and they were allowed to look up and look
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me in the face, because they had spent their whole life looking down. it just, to me, that may have been one of the greatest days ever of my life. >> trevor: wow. it's beautiful, really. i mean, it's -- yeah. it must be life changing. >> it's -- it probably sounds small, but it's -- it's really big. it is. it's just so big. >> trevor: definitely. definitely. and i think that's what most people will connect to and not just your stories, but in how honest you are in telling them in the book is that it's a connection of small that really combines to create the biggest big that is sharon stone. thank you so much for joining us on the show. thank you for sharing with us. thank you for caring, and, yeah, i really hope everybody reads your story to understand you a little bit more. thank you so much. >> thank you so much. >> trevor: don't forget, sharon stone's memoir, "the
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beauto of living twice" is available now. we'll take a quick break but we'll be tonight, but before we
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go -- the daily show is proud to launch our daily show dogs collection! it's a new charitable line of gear for your dogs, and 100 percent of viacomcbs proceeds will be donated to best friends animal society, which works to save the lives of cats and dogs all across america and give them second chances and happy homes. if you want to check it out, scan the qr code below or head to dailyshow.com/dailyshowdogs, and you can support best friends and deck out your dog, all at the same time. if you are able, go to the link below to donate what you can.
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until tomorrow -- stay safe out there, get your vaccine, and remember: if you're on death row and they ask if you wanna die, just say "natural causes" now, here it is -- your moment of zen. >> if you're fully vaccinated and can take your mask off, you've earned the right to do something that americans are known for all around the world -- greeting others with a smile. ♪ ♪ (dwight) kevin malone, you're next. spit that out. spit--okay, come on. let's go. you look cute today, dwight. thanks, girl. so, yesterday, dwight found half a joint
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in the parking lot. which is unfortunate, because, as it turns out, dwight finding drugs is more dangerous than most people using drugs. let's go over some of the symptoms of marijuana use, shall we? you tell me who this sounds like. slow moving. inattentive. dull. constantly snacking. shows a lack of motivation. hey. i like the people i work with generally. with four exceptions. but someone committed a crime. and i did not become a lackawanna county volunteer sheriff's deputy to make friends. and by the way, i haven't.
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i enjoy the tangy zip of miracle whip. [pam laughing] jim does the best impressions. sometimes he'll look up at me from his desk and he'll just be someone else. like, he'll go, um... that was supposed to be phyllis. i can't do it as good as he can. and the guys are saying, "chug chug chug." but i'm so small and all i'd eaten that day was one of those auntie m pretzels from the food court. so i said, "is it okay if i sip it?" and they said no. but ryan seemed cool either way. stop! this is not kelly kapur story hour.

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