if they want any steak? - no, i cannot, sir. have a great rest of your day. buh-bye. - i think these are vegan burps. [receiver clicks] - [burps] [puppets squeak] [upbeat music] - [chuckles] [upbeat music] captioning sponsored by comedy central >> trevor: hey, what's going on, everybody, i'm trevor noah and this is the daily social distancing show. today is wednesday june 9th. and the thing everybody is talking about today is that apparently lebron james is switching his jersey number from 23 back to number 6 starting next season and everybody is freaking out about this. but guys, if you ask me, the nba shouldn't even have these players wearing numbers on their jerseys any more. they have their name right there. and especially lebron, i don't think the rev is ever looking over oh, who is that guy who looks exactly like lebron, oh, number 6t that is lebron, yeah, lebron doesn't need a number any more, is he so big if any ug number 6 should be wearing him, not to mention the number 6 is the least

interesting thing. people are like this is big news, big news. call me when lebron changes his name to gary or when lebron trades his laker jersey to a knicks or when he joinst-- or lebron just call me, let's hang out. anyway on tonight's show a year book scandal almost as bad as your cf photo. how are you baying por jeff bezos child support and why america pad badly needs to lay some pipe. so let's do this. welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> from trevor's' couch in new york city to your couch somewhere in the world. this is the daily social distancing show with trevor noah all right, let's kicks things off with insects, they are like aliens you can kill with a shoe. it has been about a month since the brood ten cicada swarm emerged in the eastern united states. and it turns out their charm is quickly wearing off. >> a cicada is being blamed for

causing an ohio car accident. since nationallee police say one of the insects through through an open car window hid hitting the driver in the face, the car drove off the rod and crashed into a utility pole. >> cicada grounding the white house press corps flight as they attempted to fly to europe for president biden first foreign trip. the pesky insects apparently to blame for mechanical problems on the plane. >> before boarding air force one the president had to swat away a pretty big is i cada that landed on his neck. >> watch out for the cicadask i just got one t got me. >> trevor: oh, shit, a cicada got joe biden. i'm no scientist but i'm pretty sure that that means joe biden is now going to turn into a cicada. my fellow americans, the state of the union is-- and for people living in areas where the cicadas have taken over, they're basically ruining your life. i mean you walk out your door. they are all over your lawn.

you drive to work, they're running your car off the road. you stumble home and they're in bed with your spouse. >> oh, come on honeyk a cicada. he's 17. >> moving on now to some personal finance news. if you hate paying taxes, first of all, congratulations on being basic. and also, congratulations on being a billionaire. >> a bombshell report by propublica reveals just how little the wealthiest americans have been paying in tax. propublica obtained more than 15 years of never before seen irs information about the 25 richest americans and found that sometimes they paid little or no federal income taxes. >> in 2018 for example propublica found elon musk paid no federal income tax. neither did jeff bezos in 2007ae claimed a 4,000 child tax credif any of the billionaires

propublica looked at according to the report. >> as shocking as it is nothing they did is illegal. everything that they did is in keeping with our tax code. and the basic reason is we tax income, not wealth. >> rich people often grow their fortunes through stocks, real estate or companies so they don't have to pay taxes until they sell. and they can offset their income in other ways too. meaning it's legal to be worth a lot and pay a little. >> trevor: oo ow ee, it's good to be a billionaire. i mean imagine being so rich that you can afford accountants who make you look poor. think about it, jeff bezos is so good at hiding his wealth that equal fies for a child tax credit. this dude built his own rocket to take him to space. and the u.s. government is like hey, brother, here's something for the kids until you can get back on your feet. hard times, jeff. >> and yes, this is something that every one already suspected

but it's still shocking to see proof right in front of you. it's the difference between knowing how hot dogs are made and watching them put the puppies in the machines. yo, that's crazy. well then what was i eating. and the thing is much like wearing cargo shorts to the pride parade these tax loopholes are both messed up and completely legal. so if you want to change the system then you need to take action and write to your congress person. then your congress person can hold your letter in one hand and the campaign check from the billionaire in the other hand and decide which one they want to wipe their ass with. and finally, it is almost the end of the school year in most of america. seniors are trying on their caps and gowns, getting face masks for their socially distanced proms and forming new lifelong relationships with their student loans. but some florida students who are expecting to get their senior year books this week will have to wait just a little longer.

>> a south florida high school now facing questions today after it stopped selling year books with pages dedicated to the black lives matter movement. students at the west broward high school added a two page feature on how the school responded to the movement. but after some parents complained, the school stopped selling it. >> teachers and parents reportedly complained that there were not any opposing views. though that complaint said that the yearbook should have mentioned something more like blue lives matter or all lives matter. >> hmmmm, people, people, calm down. it is silly to get this angry over two pages in a book that you are just going to throw away in the next 40 years and only whip out to prove to your granddaughter were you someones hot, and as far as i know year books don't usually have opposing views. there is no least likely to succeed. you don't see a page that says congratulations poetry club on a great year and the next page that says eat shit poetry club, express yourself in a narrative form or get the [bleep] out of

here. oh and by the way, isn't it amazing how people always tell on themselves. because the opposing view to black lives mat certificate not blue lives matter or all lives matter, it is black lives don't matter. yeah, if you want to see that opinion represented you will need a year book. just you don't need a year book, just look at the history book. but let's move to our main story. for weeks now president biden has been negotiating with republicans over a giant bill to fix america's aging infrastructure. and the two sides are having trouble coming to an agreement. mostly because biden wants to pay for the bill by raising taxes on corporations and the super rich and republicans want to pay for it by selling tickets to trump's surprise reinauguration in august. and hopefully they can figure things out soon. because there's one particular part of america's infrastructure that is truly garbage right now. and i'm talking about america's water system. the question is, why is it that bad? well, let's find out. in another edition of if you

don't know, now you know. >> water, it's mike pence's favorite soup. water is one of the essentials for human survival along with food, air and the new olivia rodrigo album which, guys, she gets me, yo. >> but as important as it is, in america, the train structure that transports the water is breaking down faster than me listening to the olivia rodrigo album. >> it is an issue that is tough to see. literally. water problems. often they go unnoticed until it's too late but it is a problem that is getting worse across the country with aging infrastructure. >> the nation's water infrastructure system gets a grade of d by the american society of civil engineers. thousands of dams and levees are on the brink of failure. >> our water infrastructure across the country is literally

hitting a breaking point everywhere. the last time there was a rehaul of water infrastructure creating new pipes was about 1945. >> the sewer-- sewer and water systems some of them built in the 19th century. >> in at least 545 municipalities across the country there are cast iron pipes that are now more nan 100 years old the aging infrastructure has lead to a point where a water main break somewhere in this country every two minutes. >> trevor: god dam, people, a pipe is bursting every two minutes? if america were a person it would have to wear depends. america's water pipes are so bad that they got a d from the infrastructure experts. and keep in mind a pipe that gets an f is just a puddle of water. and it is not surprising that these pipes are falling apart because some of them have been around since the 19th century. so not only are they failing, but they're also probably a little racist. i mean i guess on the bright side this is definitely keeping

america's enemies from infade-- invading. north korea is probably looking like the layout is nice but the plumbing is a disaster. i mean it's just not worth the renovation, i don't know. unless you live in-- world you probably don't spend a lot of your time thinking about pipes but you should. because when the pipes that carry america's water become old and busted the effect can be pretty drastic. >> our aging water infrastructure systems are making clean safe drinking water unreliable in many parts of this country. >> the national resources defense counsel estimates 30 million americans drink water that contains lead and 5.5 water drink watt thary exceeds the ep sarks maximum level. in places like north carolina water is contaminated by coal ash. go west, it is nitrates from fertilizers. >> we have blue water here. >> we have let our water system dilapidate to the point of

collapse, like a third world country. >> our waste water systems are crumbling. people are living with sewage water and sewage in their streets, in their pack yards within the city of fort lauderdale rushing to clean up more than 200 million gallons of toxic sewage. flooding the streets. seeping into houses and spilling too waterways. >> rivers of raw sewage flowing down street-- street sths ventner. >> st really gross. >> it stinks real bad. >> i condition move my car, i'm not putting my car in there. that is a [bleep] lake if i ever saw one. >> trevor: wow, that poor guy. what a bad deal to live next to a shit lauck. if i was him i would try and sell that house asat. >> that's right, i'm selling some lakefront property. >> oh cool. >> what lake? >> man t say lake, do you want it or not. >> and shit lakes aside. did you see that gross blue water. i don't care where you live, taking a bath should never turn into surprise gender reveal. and by the way, can america please stop comparing all of its

failures to the third world. because every time there is an infrastructure problem or insurrection americans are like this is just like a third world country, sth a third world country. no, guys, not cool. all right, cuz you don't hear africans comparing their school shootings to america. they don't do that. you know why? because africa doesn't have school shootings. yeah. all our children are. >> how did america's water system end up this way in the first place? basically lot of people in the past decided that rather than fixing a bunch of little problems back then, it would be easier to wait for them to become big problems and then leave them to us. >> infrastructure is not particularly sexy, you know t is something that seems easy to kick from one year to the next and suddenly you look up and it's been 30 dwreers. >> according to the american society of civil engineers the federal government's capital sphending on water infrastructure has dropped from 63% in 1977 to 9 percent in 2017. >> repairing, improving,

maintaining the nation's water systems requires big money. the american waterworks association estimates it will take a trillion dollars for drinking water alone. >> as costs to fix the system continue to rise, investment in water infrastructure has increasingly fallen to state and local governments over the past few decades. >> the problem is that cities are burdened by debt and don't have the money to fix pipes. >> milwaukee has a program to split the cost of replacing lead pipes with homeowners but so far only 1 percent has been done. >> the city is trying to replace 70,000 lead laterals and at a pace of about a thousand a year. it would take 70 years. >> you got to be kidding me. 70 years? in 70 years we won't even need pipes. we will just absorb water through nft's or ssmght i don't actually understand what they are. what do you mine i don't own the art. the only other time you hear shg is going to take 70 years to fix is when are you on the phone

with your cable company. >> yeah, we can get a guy to come check out your router in 2091. does any time between 11 p.m. and 3 p.m. work for you? >> what? i will be dead by then. >> do you want the appointment or not sir. >> okay, i'll take it. >> and you know as crazy as this is, i actually get why politicians never want to spend money on pipes. because it is expensive and it's boring. i mean think about it. if you open and a new stadium you get to hold a press conference there with a big ribbon cutting t is flashy. but how are you supposed to celebrate a new sewage pipe, you invite the press to watch you talk a huge dump at city hall? that is actually not a bad idea. but the reason this has gotten so bad, and so expensive, is because they waited so long to fix it you see people you have to address problems when they come up or they just get worse. and that goes for everything. infrastructure. relationships.

hell, even this mole that i probably should have gotten checked out in t grew into his own buddy. >> that is all right, you can probably put it off for another ten years. >> are you right, mole. i love this guy, and while the water situation is bad across the u.s.. there is one group of people in the u.s. who are getting the shortest, dirtiest most lead covered end of the stick. you can probably guess who it is, right? who? who? >> there is a post correlation between race and economics. and whether or not you have clean water in the united states of america. >> newark is a largely poor, mostly black and hispanic city and its lead levels are among the highest in the u.s. for large water systems. some houses here tested four times the federal limit. >> much of mississippi's largest city is beginning its fourth week without safe drinking water coming out of faucets. jackson residents about 80% of whom are black remain under a

systemwide order to boil water. >> for the past eight years, keystone, vest virginia has been under a boil water advisory, eight years t is so common, it doesn't even make headlines any more. >> you can run the water sometimes and it is as brown as i am. >> trevor: good lord, the water is as brown as i am? when people are asking for more black representation, they weren't talking about the water supply. i know that. and this is extremely messed up that so many black people in america don't have access to clean drinking water. i mean i know reparations might not happen any time soon but maybe america can start with a brita filter. i will say though st impressive how even with this shitty water supply, blacks still don't crack. can you imagine how good black people would look with proper hydration, so there you have it. america's water systems are on the verge of collapse and the country needs to start fixing them now. this isn't a problem that can bic canned down the road any more. especially when that road is

buried six feet under shit lake. and if you don't know, now you know. all right, when we come back roy wood, jr. and michael kosta go head-to-head on all the latest sports news. sports news. so don't go away.

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daily social distancing show. the world is he merging from the pandemic slowly. and sports are no exceptions so here to catch us up on all the latest sports new is roy wood, jr. and michael kosta in another edition of i apologize for talking while you were talking. within what's up sports fans, he's roy wood, jr., i'm michael

kosta. roy, it's summer and you know what that means. >> i sure do, kosta. you're drunk on white claw. >> yes, and it also means that sports are heating up. >> yes, they are. baseball is in full swing. the husky playoffs are under way, phil mickelson won the masters despite being so old that technically he died several years ago. >> it's impressive but all eyes roy are on tennis. and the superstar missing from the french open. >> after boycotting a press korches and revealing her battle with depression tennis star nay owe i'm osaki is out by choice. >> before the tournament began she announced on social media she would opt out of press during the french open saying she is not going to subject herself to people that doubt her. >> then sunday osaka skipped her post match news conference wand was slapped with a $15,000 fine and a warning. but she announced on twitter monday the best thing for the tournament, the other play players and her own well being would be if she withdrawals all

together. >> that is my girl, not only did she put her mental health first and showed the world that athletes struggle with depression too she also embarrassed french people. serves them right. screut french, kosta. >> i know are you just saying that because you got kicked out of mime school. >> they weren't ready for a talking mime. >> i'm in a box. >> yes, still doesn't work. i think the frerng open had a point, you can't let some players get out of their obligations and force other players to do it, if you let tennis players skip out of the post match press conference next thing you know they will skip out of serving the ball or lobbying, then the whole sport is just two people stairing at each other and just grunting loudly. we're not talking about the game, we're talking about the post match press conference. who cares about that shit. athletes have never said anything interesting after the game. >> look, i lost because i didn't

score enough points, there has never been an interview with athletes have been like well, i know who killed jeffrey epstein, tune in after the next match to find out more. >> that is a fair point, so i'm going to give it to you, but let's move on from the tennis octagon to the boxing diamond. >> oh my god, you are drunk. >> well, that and i never learned shapes. the moint is over the weekend we saw one of the weirdest boxing matches in recent history. >> it tweant a the knockout many boxing experts predicted as youtube celebrity logan paul went the eight round distant with former multitime champion floyd mayweather. >> the florida state boxing commission didn't sanction the fight because of the size and skill level disparities. >> mayweather made at least $10 million just for participating and he got 50% of the pay per view buys. he could get as much as $100 million. >> come on. how do you pretend this was a real fight, kosta it was a retireee versus a youtube

celebrity, it tweant a boxing match t was a boxing match. >> i don't understand sign language and i don't get your point. maybe you didn't follow your beloved mar key decide rules but two men punching each other in the face is a fight. >> dude, the florida state boxing commission didn't even sanction this fight. the state of florida thinks your fight isn't legit you know something is up. let's wrap this up with basketball. the nba playoffs are heating up. >> that's right. the jazz are lookings good. nets are dominating and the knicks are back to their natural state of not being in the playoffs. but the big story here, lebron james and the reigning champs were kicked out faster than me in a chipotle. they aren't kid being the lifetime ban thing, roy, got to respect it. >> in really sucks for the team but at least now he is free to play for team u.s.a. in the olympics this summer. >> i wouldn't count on it, roy. >> in a press conference after the game lebron was asked about his plans for the summer. will he play for team u.s.a. in

the olympics. >> i think i will play for the-- squad this summer instead of the olympic. i think that is what i will focus on, on trying to beat the goon squad, let the ankle rest for about a month and figure out what granny-- you know, and the rest of the crew. >> come on, lebron, i don't know what is worse, bailing on the olympics to promote some movie or giving granny a shout out in the press conference. nobody cares about granny. >> you keep tbrannee's name out of your mouth, roy, have you seen my back tattoo, it is a massive granny tramp stamp. and who cares if lebron is not competing at the olympic. nobody watches the olympics to watch basketball. you watch to see the less popular sports, running, jumping, running and jumping, jumping into the water, horizontal running in water. >> my point is olympic basketball is way more important than movie basketball. i don't want to watch lebron dunk on some two dimensional cartoon. i want to watch lebron junk on

some italian player who doesn't even come up to his nipples. >> this just proves my point on why we need post game press conferences, roy. without them we wouldn't know that lebron james wants everyone to come see his movie. that is invaluable information. >> unbelievable. back to you, trevor. >> you seriously don't know shapes. >> st called being shape blind, roy, look it up, okay. >> what shape, what shape is this? what shape is that? >> purple. that's pirm. i know that. >> roy, you still there? >> trevor: thank you so much for that, when we come back, the talented and hilarious yvonne orji will be joining me on the show to tell me mow she was tricked by god. you don't want to miss it. (burke) phone it in to 1-800-farmers and you could get all sorts of home policy perks like the claim-free discount. go three years without a claim and get a discount. (neighbor) just by phoning it in? (burke) just phone it in. (painter 1) yeah, just phone it in and save money for being claim-free. (neighbor) even if i switch to farmers today?! (painter 2) yep, three years claim-free with any home insurance.

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daily social distancing show. my guest tonight is actor and continental edian yvonne orji who plays marley on insecure. she is here to talk about the show's final season, her new memoir and how god tricked her into the life of her dreams. yvonne orji, welcome to the daily social distancing show. >> it is my pleat pleasure-- complete pleasure. >> trevor: will are so many things i will talk to you about today, we have a book to talk about, i want to talk to you

about insecure, i want to talk toyou about your standup. but first things first. i want to talk to you about dance like a nigerian. this is a new trend that i saw you start on tiktok. and i want to know what are the fundamentals to dancing like a nigerian? >> well, as you saw from this tiktok video, you have to have the me mug, if you don't have the face that looks like-- that, there you go. and i mean you got to mean it and then you have to shoulder and-- you got to just-- look at you, are you doing it uncle trevor. okay, okay, cuz i was wondering, is this a face, i feel like the face is important. i feel like the hands are important, the hips are dg the thing. >> yes, exactly. >> trevor: like literally when i started, is tht thing, i was like am i doing the right thing, can you feel it. am i becoming nie tberrian as i'm doing this. >> and you are, and you have to have strong knees tks is all

about the knees. >> trevor: that is why i quit. i realized my knees weren't strong enough to carry on so i stopped. >> it was a dance like a south african, what does thatk what like. >> trevor: oh no, we can't do that on tv. that is like, yeah, no, that shall it-- but let's talk about the book, yvonne. you know, a lot of people know from you insecure. a lot of people know from you your standup, hilarious, hilarious, hilarious standup. but now i'm excited for people to learn about you as an author with your new book which has one of the greatest teitells i have ever seen bamboozled by jesus. >> yes, yes. pleetion tell me why you chose that ties el. >> because when i was think being like my life and how grod has taken me from the nigerian standard of medical school or engineering to the nigerian anomaly of comedian, i think of that scene with denzel, he was

like we have been bamboozled, run amok, lead astray, yo, family, i feel like tbod bamboozled me because i didn't have a background in come he do and he was like do come he doovment i was like you don't know me, you don't know my life, and i was like well, maybe you do. and then to get to the other side of it where now i'm an emmy nominated actress on a comedy show and so yeah, i think it fits. so when i thought about this, i was like bamboozled by jesus. but there are church people that will get mad at me i have a subtitle how god tricked me into the life of my dreams. >> you have always been proud to talk about your religion and how it affects your life and where you are trying to go in the world. you aren't one of those who only thanks tbod when you win an award. what i found fascinate being it i was like man, yvonne is really, really, really religious but she's also really, really, really cool. which is not something that people always attach to religious. why is religion so important in your life. >> so for me i don't think fun and safe are oxy morons.

like god and i, like we cool, we kicking, you get on my nerchs, i get on his nerves. he knows who he made. and so for me, i am able to have a relationship where he is like my best friend. and like with most best friends in real life, y'all watch the show. they are cool, they kick it, so for as long as it fits in my career, i had a couple years of being with jesus, i was like, can you not talk to me, quu not talk to me right now because nothing is working out. so i talk about that in the book, about how you can have a real relationship that is fun and you can invite it into every aspect of your life without having to exries. >> you've done that seamlessly. the book is fantastic. the first line just you open a book and the line if i par a phrase it, you say i was born holding my mom's iud in my hand. i mean already it is just like we're in, we're off to the races and you infuse religion.

you talk about your life, all of it is amazing. and i love it because it gave me an incite into how you live your world. what insecure has done for you. what is the future for yvonne because are you doing so many things and i know you will be developing shows, what are you excited to do next? >> well, you know, you are hitting me at a nostalgic moment, tomorrow is my last day filming insecure for ever. so it is, yeah, i'm preparing my eyes up for all the tears that will flow. but it has been an amazing ride, issa ray is a gem, i owe so much to her. and what is next, i am doing this show that is going to be produced by david yellowo called-- and it is is going to you be talking about the immigrant experience. living the world with the experience but not in the way where a lot of imtbrant shows are like we denounce the place we came from. no, because i'm like a lot of good thing approximates nigeria,

a lot of bad things, a lot of good thing approximates america, a lot of not so great thing approximates america. >> trevor: hold on, we will hold for a second. we lost yvonne. >> oh, you can see me? >> trevor: no, no, we can't see you but we can hear you. >> there you go. >> trevor: wow, okay. okay, wait, so wait, did you switch cameras on me? >> we did, we had to because i don't know what is going on with the first one, so here we are. >> trevor: like you know, there are parts of making a show in a pandemic that i am tbing to miss and then there are many parts that i won't. but now i'm fascinating by where you are, like what is that chair, is that a chair. >> it's a chair but i got t i did a whole-- bought this used green crushed velvet situation. >> trevor: i love it. >> created like a seven foot pack drop of my book cover. cuz you know why wouldn't i?

>> trevor: as you prepare to say good bye to insecure a lot of people will be sad because it told stories in a style that so few of us have seen before and allowed black women to be black women unapologetically in every shape and form that they beautifully exist in. i would love to know what are you going to miss most about insecure. like obviously it changed your life as a person but i'm saying as a show and as a story, what are you going to miss most? >> trevor, it is very rare that you get as a black female actress work in, on a show that is literally created for you by folks who look like you, and are supported. you know, in these last couple of days, me, jay, issa, we have been looking at each other, can we repeat this. does this happen, like what is next for us? like you know, when the person who you eat is nobu, you can't go back to regular seaweed, are

you like no, where is the sliced yellow tail. our pallet was hieltenned and we came out the gate hot. and with good people. and with a phenomenal home in hbo. so we are ale all kind of looking like i know we have other stuff to do next but like will we have ever this again. for me that say special thing, to have the camaraderie, to have like the friendship, so i'm going to miss everything. i can't take one thing out because they're all part of the equation, i will start crying, i am trying to keep it light, okay, trying to keep it light. >> keep it light, we save the tears for your last day on filming and we can't wait to see what the next season will be like. congratulations on the new pook. congratulations on the television show, you are developing with disney plus. congratulations on insecure. we thank you. >> it was such a pleasure. i want to see your tiktok video on how to dance like a nigerian this week. >> you know it is common. >> you don't think st common strks common, don't worry about me, everyone strks common.

>> okay, girl. >> bye. >> bye. >> trevor: all right, don't forget, yvonne's memoir bamboozled by jesus is available right now. we're going to take a quick break but we'll be right back after this. 7 show for

tonight, but before we go, please consider supporting an organization called the brave face alliance. they are a black led translead lgbtq plus center on the south side of chicago and your donation helps them provide life-saving resources like support groups, hiv prevention options and housing and food services for the entire lgbtq plus community of chicago. if you are able to help in anyway, please click the link

below. until tomorrow, stay safe out there. get your vaccine, and remember, if the water is yellow, let it mellow. if the water is blue, probably should repair your infrastructure, that shits-of-t is going to get you, now here it is, your moment of zen. >> is there anything that the national forest service or blm can do to change the course of the moon's orbit or the earth's orbit around the sun? obviously that would have profound effects on your climate. >> i would have to follow up with you on that one, mr. gohmert. >> well, if you figure out a way that you in the forest service can make that change, i would like to know.

- ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - okay, children, let's take our seats. we have something very important to discuss. due to recent events around the country, i have been instructed to teach you all about sexual harassment in school. - about what? - now, does anybody know what "sexual harassment" means? yes, eric? - when you're trying to have intercourse with a lady friend, and some other guy comes up and tickles your balls from behind. - no, eric, that's not what i'm talking about! the school board has sent over a special guest to teach us all about sexual harassment in schools. please welcome petie, the sexual harassment panda.

- ♪ who lives in the east 'neath a willow tree ♪ ♪ sexual harassment panda ♪ ♪ who explains sexual harassment to you and me? ♪ ♪ sexual harassment panda ♪ ♪ don't say that, don't touch there ♪ ♪ don't be nasty says the silly bear ♪ ♪ he's gonna tell you what's right and wrong ♪ ♪ sexual harassment panda ♪ hi, boys and girls! - say hi to sexual harassment panda! all: hi, sexual harassment panda. - did you know that when one little panda pulls on another little panda's underwear, that's sexual harassment? that makes me a saaaaad panda. - this is freaking me out, dude. - and when one little panda puts his furry little willy in another panda's ear, that makes me a very sad panda. now, i'm going to pass out these booklets, and we're going to go through