seen says that using the social app to dect with other people can have positive mental health benefits. >> trevor: that's weird, the research i have seen says can i keep making money and there is nothing maladjusted about-- about me-- about-- about me at all. that's right, instagram had secret data that it is in fact making us crazy. you know, sort of like how the tobacco companies always knew that cigarettes caused cancer and didn't say a thing, oil companies knew about climate change. they didn't say a thing. i almost feel like this should be a new law that every company's internal research has to be made public. you know, that way we as a public, we know the same shit that they know at the same time. we don't have to wait 50 years to know what is actually in girl scout cookies. thin mints cause alzheimer? oh man. well, at least i know. wha? thin mints cause alzheimer, well, at least now i now. how many cookies have i eaten.

and by the way, you want to know how i first realized something was up? it is when i started getting targeted ads for apps to calm your mind and help you unplugment i mean that's basically the algorithm staging an intervention. and meanwhile my reaction is like damn, i wish my pictures of rain are drops looked that good. and even if your social media addiction isn't making you depression-- depressed, here is another story about how it could actually be getting you into trouble in a totally different way. >> the lapd is under fire tonight after it was revelled that officers were instructed to collect social media accounts on every civilian they stop. according to documents obtained by the nonprofit brennan center for justice officers have been ordered to start collecting a person's social med where handle or user name when they file reports on an incident. the practice was started in 2015. the lapd issued a statement saying social media handles can

be critical pieces of contact information along with phone numbers and email addresses. >> trevor: okay, i'm sorry, this is a bad idea, right. no one wants to give their social media handle to cops. maybe except for influencers, they will probably start robbing banks just to get followers. oh no, officer, you caught me, hashtag follow-- what exactly do you think you can find on social media. are you never going crack the case because somebody posted hashtag-- murdering jeremy, i know it seems like a small thing but how is it even a cop's business, can we not have one place in our lives where cops aren't on top of us all the time, people don't go on twitter to get arrested. we go to twitter to get canceled. and finally from environmental news, as you know farming is a major source of pollution around the world, fertilizers contaminate waterways, pestside shall pesticides get into our food and those single use disposable tractors. but one big thing is ammonia

emissions which damage soil and contributes to climate change. but now researchers are taking that on at its source. >> how about this, finally tonight some scientists are working to pottee train-- potty train cattle thark is right, cows, researchers say 11 out of 16 cows tully learned to use the moo-loo when they had to go in just two weeks. turns out livestock waste is a serious issue, a single cow can produce about 8 gallons of urine a day, so far the potty training researchers have only focused on urine but they claim cows could probably be trained to go number two as well. >> trevor: wait, hold up, hold up, hold up. cows can use the bathroom now? that's amazing. because i mean that means now yo mama doesn't have to shit in the backyard any more. oh, oh. if there were people here it is going to be like a thing.

but for real though, this is crazy news. not just that cows can use a toilet but that it only takes them two weeks to learn how to do it. it changes my perspective on cows completely. like what else can cows do if we just give them a chance? right? they can probably reid and we would just be jerking off their nipples. and i do wish that this with actually make a difference in the cow's lives. like you hope it would. but you know it is only going to be a popular sell point at those fancy restaurants. >> well, our rib eye tonight is grass fed, pasture raised and potty trained, yes, two weeks. i will say though being able to pee does have some benefits for the cows, you know, it means they can finally use the excuse that humans use to get out of boring conversations. wow, really. you got milked twice today? oh my god that's-- hey, i just got to run to the bathroom, no, no, i will be back, i will be back, this is fascinating. >> but let's move on to our top story. afghanistan.

the only thing harder to get out of than a gym membership. just hours before america pulled out of the country last month it got in one final drone strike at a suspected terrorist, you know, for old time's sake. exsuspect now we're learning more about who was actually droabed. >> new questions tonight about a u.s. drone strike that killed ten people in afghanistan. "the new york times" reports the strike mistakenly targeted an aid worker not someone connected to isis-k, the man's vehicle was said to be carrying bombs but he was actually transporting water there is mounting evidence it killed an afghan working for a u.s. aid group along with nine others including self he enchildren. >> a u.s. military investigation into the drone strike is under way. >> we know at least one of those people that were killed was an isis facilitator. so were there others killed, yes, there were others killed. who they are we don't know but

we think procedures were correctly followed. >> okay, maybe we have different driksaries but if you killed one guy who you are still not sure was a terrorist but you definitely killed seven kids, i don't think righteous is the word i would use. you know, in fact when you hear people use righteous it is usually to justify terrible things that they know they've done. like the crusaders said they were righteous. colonizers said they were righteous, terrorists say that they are righteous. you kill families and children. >> yeah, it was for a righteous cause [bleep] you, i don't care. like we know, we just observed the 20th anniversary of 9/11. and what do we say, never forget. which is a powerful and necessary sentiments and it's true. i will never forget, hearing the phone calls from that day. i will never forget seeing the towers fall, i was in south africa, i was a child and i will never forget that day. >> but if i'm honest, i think we

need to expand on what never forget means. i also feel like we should never forget how easily our fear can drive us to do horrible things to other human beings. because as terrible as this drone strike was, what is even more terrible is when you look back at 20 years of the war, there's absolutely nothing unique about it. >> the past several years in afghanistan have seen a rise in the number of civilians killed. the first half of 2019 marked the first time that u.s. and afghan forces were responsible for more civilian deaths. >> in 2008 we had the highest civilian casualties from air strikes, by 2011 those numbers had gone from over 550 civilians killed in air strikes per year down to around 100. then when the trump administration comes in, we see a complete flip. and it really goes into the idea that we're going to the bomb the

taliban into submission. >> trevor: think about that, at one point in this war american and its allies started killing more civilians than the taliban. i mean that is a huge failure on the part of america. and now that i think about it, it is a failure for the thrb taliban too, if you are killing more civilians than the taliban, what is the point of being there, like if you are trying to catch the candyman but you are killing more people than he is, at some point people are just going to be like all right, maybe we should stick with the candyman, at least he's got candy. what do you mean he doesn't have candy. well, then why do they call him the candy man? why don't they just call him the killerman then. okay. what makes it worse is that nobody ever seemed to face any consequences for these deaths, right, there is no other job in the world where you can just accidentally kill innocent people and show up to work the next day like nothing happened. nobody had is ever like hey, vanessa, rough day today, but please remember for tomorrow,

maybe use a little less conditioner. and also try not to kill an entire family, otherwise, great job, yeah, see you tomorrow, okay bye. >> because america's air war in afghanistan was regularly killing civilians. and what happened. was there a public outcry, were charges filed, no, for the most part to one ever really cared. for most of the country the war in afghanistan was something most americans did forget. while it was happening. and that's not what wars are supposed to feel like. a war should be something that is impossible to ignore. but to most people in america this wargame became like when you forget netflix is on and they have to pop up that little thing like yo, are you still alive. and best believe the people of afghanistan knew the war was happening. because for them the terror of america's drone war was a part of every day life. and never forget that when a drone strike goes wrong, it doesn't just end up killing lots of innocent people, it also turns possible friends into that def enemies. >> most muslims around the world

condemn the september 11th terrorist attacks on the united states in 2001. but many consider the u.s. response to the terror attacks far worse. >> in fact some of the more controversial tactics that the u.s. used in afghanistan such as night raids and ashe strikes that sometimes kill civilians, createdded discontent in local communities and actually helped the taliban recruit more fighters. >> car eem chan who is from that tribal region tells me his brother and son were killed in a drone strike in late 2009. he is suing the cia but given the chance, he says, he would take revenge on those responsible. >> i would kill them. if allah give me the opportunity, i will kill them because they are responsible for killing my brother and my son. >> drones are creating not just one generation but generations of jihadists because if you kill a father, his son will come and if you kill the son, his grandson will come, and this is

what is happening. >> trevor: man, this is such a shit show, forget being a four star general, if you just watch kung fu movies you know this is inevitable. if you kill someone's family for no reason, they are going to want revenge. and can you blame them for wanting revenge, right? this is what anyone would feel, any human would feel it, imagine if like i don't know, norway blew up your house, killed your entire family, you would be devastated. and i promise you now it wouldn't make you feel any better if they told you they were actually trying to get some guy named gary. you wouldn't be like oh, were you trying to kill gary. oh, but you killed my family. well, no hard feelings. good luck finding him, he sounds like a bad dude. and if you are not the kind of person who is swayed by emotional arguments like bad to kill children, never forget that war, even wars that you barely know are going on, well, you are still paying for them. >> how much did the war in afghanistan actually cost on the accounting books? between the initial invasion and 20 years of supporting the

afghan government, estimates are in the trillions. >> it's an astronomical number. our experts explain that is because the war cass basically paid in debt and every day the cost of the afghanistan war actually goes up. >> according to the congressional research service from 2001 to 2021 the department of defense allocated 837 billion dollars for military separations. but that isn't the final cost. >> we fought this war on credit. and so this is mostly borrowed money that we used to pay for the war. >> the it total cost they estimated is 2.261 trillion dollars. >> the afghanistan war costs about $300 million bucks a day for two decades. it is an eye-opening number. >> trevor: sweet lord. 300 million dollars a day for 20 years, a day. wow, i feel like i'm going to be sick. think about it, for the last 20 years, americans have been fighting hard about where to find money for health care, for

education, for infrastructure, half of the reason americans hate each other is because they're always fighting about money. like forget about schools and hospitals, for 300 million a day america could have made a new fast and furious movie every day for 20 years. yeah. we could be up to fast and furious 7,000 by now. >> we're going to drive a car into the sun for family. >> man, but we did that like 2,000 sequels ago. >> yeah, but this time the car is green. >> trevor: so look, i know it's almost impossible to rule out wars forever, but the least we could do, the least we could do the next time we even consider getting into another war is to never forget that it might not actually make anybody feel safer, or safer at all. never forget that it will cost you a fortune. and most importantly, never forget that there are innocent people on the other side. all right, when we come back,

desi lydic goes into labor. yep, you definitely don't want to miss it. 7

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and push out another his-tory. >> let's start all the way back in ancient greece, plato may have been one of the greatest philosophers of all time and he could definitely rock that casual tunic look like nobody's bus business but when it came to baby making he was clueless, he thought the womb could literally wander around the body like one of those dvd screen savers. oh, is that an eyeball, mi definitely on the wrong floor. as dumb as plato's dumb ideas about women's anatomy were, they were-- by male doctors for centuries and they couldn't do their own research because for most of human history male doctors refused to teen watch a woman give birth. they avoided the delivery room like it was an idea a woman said in a meeting. in fact, in 1522 a curious german doctor decided to sneak

into the delivery room dressed as a mid wife and guess what, he was burned alive for it. like the most extreme drag race challenge ever. so because men didn't have the balls to see a vagina it was up to the mid wifes to deliver the baby, that is until the mid 16th century when men realized how much money they could make by doing it themselves. but even in the delivery room, men were still so scweesmish about seeing lady parts they made women lie on their bags and cover their legs to deliver, that is why lie on your back is still the standard delivery procedure today even though there are so many more comfortable and efficient positions a woman can give birth in, on her side, squatting, on all fours. or how i did it, standing in line to get into the gucci sample sale. fun fact, if you find a practice centah stain on the scarf, they will give you an extra five pecent off. aside from awkward positions, men started doing all kinds of things to women we never would have chosen ourselves. we all know what this is, right,

why do you think this was invented. to chop down trees, hunt down unsuspecting hotties? wrong, originally the chainsaw was invented to assist in child birth. how horrifying is that? at that point i would rather just let the baby grow up inside me. it is no surprise male doctors would come up with the idea of chainsawing a baby out of a woman because a woman's pain was never really taken into consideration. which is crazy because pain is the most traumatic thing about child birth. well, that and going on mawrie afterwards to find out who the child's father is. but for a long time men believed that women should feel pain during child birth, that it was part of her destiny so pain killers wouldn't even an option. in 1581 a woman had the gam to ask for pain relief during the birth of her twins and no joke she was burned at the stake for it, yeah, another one. apparently kill-- pain curls were largely off limits until

the mid 19th sent recent when scwin queen victoria used color form for the birth of her 8th child, she raved about it which made it more popular, she truly was the original mommy influencer. thanks to queen victoria drugging women during child birth became more accessible but after a hundred years or so the no drugs block came back in style thanks to men like dr. grantly reed, the first modern physician to suggest women shouldn't get drugged at all because he claimed that women's pain was all in their head. in his defense, he was probably just trying to get revenge on his mom for giving him that name. look, if women want drugs during child birth, that's their choice. if they want to put a watermelon through a bagel hole without drugs, that is also their choice. the problem is when decisions are being made by other people without putting the woman first, and that is not just in the past, it continues today. there is ob/gyn's who refuse to work with a doula, he piece yot

mes performed could won sent and unnecessary c sections being pushed on women just to work around a doctor's lunch break which is honestly kind of weird. because if you still have an appetite after cutting a person open, than i need a new doctor and you need a shrink. so to all the doctors and medical professionals out there, please listen to the women who are actually pushing another human being out of their body. take their concerns seriously. put their interests first. and for god sake, please no more burning people at the stake. great. >> trevor: thank you so much for that, desi. when we come back i'll be when we come back i'll be talking to nba leg end carmelo

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(burke) i've seen this movie before. no d(woman) fees. you have? (burke) sure, this is the part where all is lost and the hero searches for hope. then, a mysterious figure reminds her that she has the farmers home policy perk, guaranteed replacement cost. and that her home will be rebuilt, regardless of her limits or if the cost of materials has gone up. (woman) that's really something. (burke) get a whole lot of something with farmers policy perks. wait, i didn't ruin the ending, did i? (woman) yeah, y-you did. ♪ we are farmers. bum-pa-dum, bum-bum-bum-bum ♪ my guest tonight is ten time nba all-star author and philanthropist carmelo anthony, here to talk about his new memoir and the upcoming nba season as a newly minted los angeles laker. >> carmelo anthony, welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: i feel like i say los angeles laker. >> probably. >> trevor: i friend said you don't watch basketball. >> i do. >> trevor: why do you say los angeles lakers. >> if is la lakers trs.

>> the lakers, call it the lakers trs i like giving it the full name, i don't know what it is for me, it makes it bigger. >> whatever works for you. >> trevor: welcome to the show. >> yes. >> trevor: and congratulations on adding author, i mean like a really impressive list of titles that you already hold. i will say i think like many people, i opened the book thinking okay, carmelo anthony book is going to be basketball. you are going to teach me how to do those moves, how to fake and yet it did the opposite. it is like this isn't the story of the carmelo anthony we know. this is a story of the carmelo anthony that gets to the person that we know. >> absolutely. >> tell me why you chose to write this book? >> i just think everybody knows that part of the story. like they know the basketball part of the story. they know you know, the business side of carmelo anthony but they don't know what it took to get to that point. they don't know what i had to go through and endure and deal with and see and hear before that.

right? so we talk about the $10,000 rule. >> i've been doing that. i've been putting my $10,000 hour, and probably more to get to that point so by the time i-- that was the story that i always wanted to tell. >> trevor: right, right, when you read this book where tomorrow's on promise, i think the title couldn't be more perfect because that is carmelo's journey, you grew up in a world where there is no tomorrow that is promised. >> no, none. >> trevor: and no journey that is prewritten. when you were writing the book and telling us the story and the world you grew up in and everything, did you take a moment to realize what you have experienced to get to where you have gotten to. >> not until i have read it. not until i was done writing it, and i read it tbaws i didn't look at it as a place of trouble or a place of harm or just-- i looked at it, it was life, it was life, i woke up every day. i saw the same people, went to

the same food spots, on the same block, the same school, that was my life ef are ree single day, so i didn't look at it as it was deficit. it was just life, we had to deal with life, we was going through life, what i was going through, my nape was going through, the guy across the street was going through the same thing, so we was a very, we became a very tight knit community. >> trevor: carmelo, one of the most signature names in the world, whether it was hip-hop, you know what i mean, mellow mellow my man strks signature, it is you. you at one time wanted to be tyrone johnson who is tyrone johnson. >> i have no idea. i didn't want to be tyrone johnson. i just didn't-- i didn't understand my name. like it was just, you know, let me break it tun do. i came from brooklyn and redhook where it was predominantly black, puerto rican, italians was in the back. irish was in the back. so we was very diverse.

you go it to baltimore t is all black. >> trevor: right. >> so to hear a name carmelo, like they not going to understand what that really is. you know, so they are going to butcher my name, caramelo, caramel, whatever, whatever they going to do, they are going to butcher the name so the teacher comes around and passed the index card, i put the name on there first day of school, somebody else name was on the board from the previous class. and i looked up and i was like my name is tyrone johnson. and i-- i put tyrone and then added johnson because that was a very common name. >> trevor: yeah. >> so tyrone johnson and that is who i became for three days. >> trevor: what i loved is when you talk about how you kaism to love your name, you know, so you get in trouble at school. >> yeah. >> trevor: the teachers call your mom to the school. they go like we have to deal with your son. >> she gets there, and they go tyrone is getting up to some s hit and she is like who is

tyrone. >> so i got in trouble. and i did something i wanted wasn't supposed to do. i i knew what time my mother had to go to work. so i ran home and i made sure i was there for the phone call, to tell my mother. so i my mom wasn't there so i knew the phone was going to ring. i see the caller i.d., i don't answer the phone, my mom don't get it, i still go to school the next day as if i was going to school. backpack, uniform on. in the line, like walking into school, i am the last one, everybody walks in, i stay outside in the yard. as i'm outside, for some reason, maybe this was, you know, just the higher power giving me a message, my mom comes driving down the street. and i peek around the corper and we catch eye contact. i couldn't, i couldn't make this up. so that is how she found out that i was trk-- i wasn't in school. so she took me back to school and was asking questions and that is when they told her, hey

mrs. johnson, your son tyrone has been suspended for x, y, z. she is like i don't know any tyrone. this is carmelo anthony right here. >> trevor: everyone knows you from the basketball court but people started knowing you in different areas as well. i remember just from southan africa you getting voferred in basketball philanthropy around the world, hold clinics, you would do it all over africa, you would get involved. that is how we new carmelo, not just in the nba. what i loved in this big is you talk about how you never bought into the concept that like the sport will save you. everyone will be like get the kids into the sport, it will save you, it will save you. but you didn't buy into that. you never, you never discard the things that happened to you because of basketball but you don't buy into the myth. tell me more about that. >> well, i just knew where i come from, and again i wanted can only speak on my experience. so i just knew what i was up

against. i knew the odds that we all was up against growk up in that. and it is a number game. you are one of x amount of players who have a chance to make it to the nba. thousands of players. millions of people, millions of basketball players in the world. you are one of them. so to fathom that, that is impossible. and definitely they're not coming back to the wire. they're not coming to the wire to come get one of us, so i kind of just like kind of, i didn't want to hold on to that. >> trevor: i haven't watched basketball my entire life. i was loving basketball when i moved to the u.s., got into it, just the stories. one thing that i noticed as an outsider is how often people have written you off, you know. be like well, got to hang it up now, got to hang it up now. carmelo dropping this many, i guess it's not over, no, it is is over now, got to hang it up. and i am just coming too this, is it over, doesn't seem to be over but it's not over. like st feels like you lived a life where you were written off.

>> absolutely. >> trevor: it feels like you came from a world that was written off, do you think that is part of its reason you keep putting your head down and making. >> absolutely, 1,000 percent, and hence why the name is op tomorrow's promise, that has a wide range of meaning when you hear it. and that say prime example. i have always felt like i had to like do extra and do more than the next person. >> trevor: right. >> i always felt like i had to not be louder but i had to show people a lot more of what i can do. my talent and my skill and just being me. and i was battling that for a long time. because i didn't know who i was as a person. >> trevor: right. >> and when you are dealing with those type of issues and those, that mentality, it can mess you up. and i always, i'm in a competitive sport anyway as it is. so i don't want to be competitive in every aspect of my life. i want to come home, i want to relax, i want to turn the tv on, listen to music, drink some wine. i don't want to be competitive

all day every day. and that's what it does to you. it just makes you competitive because when you feel like your back is against the wall and people are always doubting you, you know. you are not going to do this, oh he's back like i said, he's back, he's not back, he need to go, he need to come back, like what is he doingk like where is waldo, and that is not something, i don't want to live my lifelike that. >> so finding your piece. >> i was finding my peace and where i am now, i think i found some of my peace, i am still on that journey of mine, and then people just in life but that takes time. and i want people to understand that, when they reading this story, to find your peace, it takes a long time. i'm 37 years old. around i just started over the past couple of years to look and search for that peace. >> 37 years old, and you are starting another journey, right. maybe one of the most anticipated parts of your career which crazy at 37, you know, because you are joining the lakers. joining the lakers.

and again, people are writing everything off, you know, lebron talked about this, he had fun on twitter and everything. people are like it is the retirement home of basketball players, you have dwight, carmelo, lebron, this is retirement home. and lebron said we will show you what old men can do. >> absolutely. >> trevor: it feels like you have been in this position before but it feels like a completely different story every time. why did you say yes. why did you think this would be different? and what are you hoping to achieve? is it something you are trying to prove or in a different state of mind going into this next season. >> it is nothing i'm trying to prove, if i wouldn't have picked la i would have been at peace walking away from the game knowing i gave it everything i could, and i still couldn't win a championship. i would have been at peace with that. i would have been good. but now that i'm in the lakers, i can't be at peace without winning. so it just, you got to change, you know, you got to change your way of thinking, your perspective, but being out there

at this point in time in my career, we hear all of it. we hear that they old and senior citizen at home with basketball, but we just know what we bring to the game and what we bring to the table. and i say we are wiser, we are wise, we are not old, 37 is young, 36 is young t is only old in the sports world, basketball world. so like lebron said, like other guys said, man, just watch and see. and i think people will enjoy the show. >> trevor: a, man, i know i will be one of the people watching. congratulations on your book, congratulations on the story, i hope everybody reads it because it will connect with not just your journey but how that journey actually is and how many people can relate to the story that gets you to where you are today. >> absolutely. it is a universal message. >> i appreciate you, thank you is so much for joining me. >> don't forget carmelo book tomorrows aren't promised, tomorrows aren't promised, take a quick break but we'll be why do nearly one million businesses

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remember, if a cop pulls you over, give them my handle, i want that follow, goddam it. now here it is, your moment of zen. one of the reasons we could not respond yesterday in realtime to is that we had to check that what she was claiming was either true or false. we did and unfortunately we spent so much time yesterday running down this falts claim, as we stand now, there is absolutely no-- side fek or adverse event of test particular-- in trinidad, none that we know of anywhere else in the world.

- ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ - ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headed on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - [mumbled singing] - ♪ so come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ [bell ringing] - dude, did you do all your homework last night? - yeah, but there was so much of it, i was up until 2:00 in the morning. - i know. - okay, children, i hope you all did your homework last night, because we're going to talk about pages 42 through 612. first of all, who can tell me what year the founding fathers got together? let's see, how about... - please don't call me. please, jesus, don't let him call on me. - wendy. - whew! - 1776. - good job, wendy; and what was that document called? - oh, please, god, don't let him call on me. father in heaven, i beg you. - kyle.

- oh, thank you, lord. praise jesus! - the declaration of independence. - very good, kyle. now, who can tell me what famous person wrote the declaration of independence? let's see... oh, i know, how about the new student, timmy. - timmy! - no, it wasn't you, timmy. try again. - hee-yah! - timmy, did you not do your homework? - timmy! - ah, mr. garrison, haven't you figured it out? timmy's retarded. - don't call people names, stanley. - but he is. - now, timmy, you need to work on your study skills. - duh... - are you mocking me? because if you are, i have no problem sending your butt to the principal's office. - [babbling] - that does it! - well, timmy, i just don't know what to do with you. you're getting very poor marks in school, and the teachers are complaining that you aren't paying attention. - eh... - young man, if you don't want to be held back a grade, i suggest you start cooperating, mkay. - timmy! - well, that does it. i'm suspending you, timmy, until you can learn to respect your elders. - hold on there just a second there, principal victoria.

i think i may know what the problem is. - timmy. - yes, of course. - what? - i think maybe timmy is suffering from something called "attention deficit disorder" or a.d.d. it's very common in kids his age. - oh! - timmy! - well, that certainly would explain it. - it should be easy enough to find out. they have tests for that kind of thing now, mkay. - [babbling] - all right, this is a very simple test which should determine without a doubt whether or not timmy has attention deficit disorder. - good. - mkay. - timmy. - now, timmy, i'm going to read you a book called the great gatsby by f. scott fitzgerald. at the end of the novel, i'll ask you a few questions. are you ready? - timmy! - okay, here we go. "in my younger and more vulnerable years, "my father gave me some advice that i've been turning over in my mind ever since..." [clock ticking] "so we beat on, boats against the current, born back ceaselessly into the past." - ah-ahhh. - okay, now timmy, can you tell me, in chapter seven,

what kind of car did gatsby drive? - timmy! - well, that settles it! both: huh? - this young man definitely has attention deficit disorder. - oh-oh, i knew it. - what can we do for him, doctor? - well, a.d.d. is fairly common in kids today. i'm going to prescribe some ritalin. and we'll see how that goes for little timmy. - timmy... - hurry up, children. let's take our seats. you better have done your homework last night, timmy. what's this? - timmy. - a note from the principal. "please excuse timmy from all questions and all homework, as he has been diagnosed with attention deficit disorder." oh, brother! - he doesn't have to do homework? - that's just swell, timmy. looks like you've outsmarted the principal and the counselor. - timmy. - very well. i guess you're excused from homework. - hey, wait. i think maybe i have attention "defunction" disorder. - yeah, me too. - i've got a.d.d. - me too! [all talking at once] - "after a while i went out and left the hospital and walked back to the hotel in the rain." [sighs] thump! thump! all right, now, in chapter 12, what kind of bottles did ms. van campen talk about?

thump! anybody? anybody? my god, these children all have a.d.d. all: hooray. - hooray. - it's ritalin for all of you! [heavy metal music] ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ - dude, we suck. - hey, that's not the right attitude, jonesy. the battle of the bands is tomorrow night. - dude, we never win the battle of the bands. it's no big deal. - not a big deal! this year's winner gets to open for phil collins at lollapaloobza, and that's no big deal. - hey, you guys, you better stop fighting. - we just got to practice more. - dude, we've been practicing for eight years, skylar. - hey, am i the leader of this band or not? now let's do it from the top. [heavy metal music resumes] - timmy! ♪ ♪ [babbles indistinctly] timmy! - what was that? - i don't know, man. [epic music]