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tv   The Daily Show With Trevor Noah  Comedy Central  September 24, 2021 1:15am-2:00am PDT

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saver. >> that was the punch line. >> oh, i am sorry, i thought it was going to be like, something more like, if i want to see pictures of boring things in nature i will just look at a white woman's instagram. >> trevor. >> that would be a little funnier. >> trevor: yeah, you should have played the guitar for mine, people probably would have laughed as well. because the riff actually helps am but it was cool, your joke was cool, i think we both had-- anyway. and hey, was this even necessary? like how about instead of replacing the windows, you airlines replace the in-night meals with something we actually want to eat. >> or like how about a maybe with if we say, make it a bathrooms bigger, those doors are are so small i don't even have room to sit down when a
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pee. >> trevor: okay, okay. okay. >> that's why i fly spirit airlines, the whole plane's the bathroom. >> trevor: no, hey, spirit airlines is is my thing. no, no, spirit airlines-- no, don't-- this isn't-- stop laughing, this is a place of business. this is a place of business. you can't come here and play guitar-- . (laughter). >> trevor: this isn't going to work. >> coming to you from the heart of time square, the most important place on earth, it's "the daily show." tonight america rolls out the unwelcome mat. jordan goes to school. and jason isbell. this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! >> trevor: all right, let's kick things off with the coronavirus vaccine.
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it's like a condom but for your lungs am by now we all know that people need two shots of the pfizer and moderna vaccine in order to have full immunity. but recently both companies said that people can actually get better than full immunity with a third shot. so yeah, i guess covid shots are like iphones now. you think are you all upgraded to the latest and greatest and a few months later they have a new vaccine with an extra camera. so now there's a question about who should be able to get that third shot. >> breaking overnight, the fda authorizing pfizer's covid vaccine booster making millions of americans immediately eligible to receive a third shot. among those who can get the extra dose of protection, people 65 and older. those at high risk for severe illness, and people who are frequently exposed to covid at their job like health care workers, school teachers and grocery store employees. the third pfizer dose must come at least six months after the second shot, an unnonnumber of
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people have already gotten unauthorized booster shots with little oversight to stop them. dr. peter grinspoon says he has been bombarded by patients who want an extra dose. >> a lot of people are asking how could i portray myself as immunocompromised. and you know, it puts you in a little bit of an awkward position. >> trevor: this country is living in two different worlds, all right. one side is doing everything they can to avoid getting the vaccine. and the other side is going to their doctor like you can give me aids. come on, do something, i want that booster shot, come on, doc, what is funny to me is americans are debating whether they should get their third shot. meep while people in many countries around the world still haven't gotten their first shot. and hey, i'm not hating, you know, i just feel like maybe to make american as ware of what is going on globally, every time someone in america gets a booster shot they should have to do it in front of an african guy. >> oh yeah, back for third, huh, no, no, i'm fine, i will wait, i will wait, so far immune, look
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at you, huh? >> trevor: let's move on now to halloween, the holiday when goblins and vampires find out what cultural appropriation feels like. the spooky celebration is just one month away, which means it is time for the nation's pollsters to stop asking which political party should kill and eat the other and start asking questions like this. >> trending this morning, some spooky news, a belief in ghosts is up 400% over the last four decades. >> 46 percent of americans believe in ghosts today compared to only 11 percent, 40 years ago. >> there is also the belief that ghosts appear because something needs to be corrected, like not having a proper burial or a murder suspect, yeah, this is spooky, okay. has still not been caught. >> trevor: yeah, of course more people believe in ghost, covid has made a lot more of them. and as for the idea that ghosts are sticking around these days to correct something, people, that is so ridiculous. i mean the reason ghosts stick around is because they need to finish all the tv shows they
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were watching. that's what i am going to do, heaven can wait, when i'm dead i will finally have time to see how better call saul ends. and look, between trump's a russian agent and the vaccine has a microchip, i feel like ghosts are almost the least crazy thing people believe now. i actually personally wouldn't mind having a ghost to talk to. ghosts are sensible and they care about the environment. that is why they are always turning off your lights and stuff. help save your electrical bill. if ghosts really are among us, i feel bad for them. i mean this must be the most boring time to be a ghost, right, people's lives are really trashed right now. what are you watching? >> okay, now now es eat, now he's pooping, now is he just done pooping but just sitting there scrolling through twitter. yo, is there a hell i can go to? this is some bullshittt.
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>> trevor: but let's move to our top story. the border. it is the velvet rope around club america. and right now the line to get in the club is a total shit show. >> this morning our closest look yet at what has become the nation's newest border flash point it is a place where thousands of desperate haitians wait and hope. their journey doesn't end here. who stays, who goes. and how much longer can they wait. >> thousands of migrants living in make shift huts, sleeping in the dirt, waiting their turn to get processed by u.s. immigration authorities. >> haitian migrants scrambling to find their place in line. and arguments break out on the tarmac as u.s. deportation flights ramp up in an effort to clear out the camp in del rio in the next nine to ten days. >> just outside the bridge camp there are state troopers lined up as far as the eye can see, in either direction here. the point is to build a wall of vehicles to prevent anyone from slipping into the u.s. >> trevor: oh man, donald
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trump must be so mad that biden has a cooler border wall than he could ever come up with. he is probably sitting there like how is this possible. he turned my wall into a transformer. i didn't know you could do that. it is also going to be really funny when one of those agents forgets their keys in the car. hey, that migrant is driving away with my border wall, but yes, basically, what happens is that thousands of haitian migrants all suddenly showed up at the border trying to get into the u.s. an i know right now a lot of people are asking haitians, dude, i didn't know america shared a board we are haiti. that doesn't make any sense. well, it turns out when you hear the details, it is complicated but it actually does make sense. >> so the mass migration of haitians to the u.s. have been years in the making, many moves to central and south america after the 2010 earthquake in haiti but poor economic conditions and false information had them making the journey to the u.s. border. >> three years ago i left haiti.
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i sold my land to go to chile. in chile we found out biden said we could enter so we entered. >> we are very concerned that haitians who are taking this irregular migration path are receiving false information that the border is open or that temporary protected status is available. that is false information. our borders are not open. and people should not make the dangerous journey. if you come to the united states, illegally, you will be returned. >> trevor: that is really messed up. a lot of these people came to the u.s. because they heard that the border was just open. which is smart. i mean but can you d which it is not, can you blame them for being con feutiond. america's immigration policy are superschizophrenic, bush was like we need to pass citizenship path for illegals, obama was like we are a nation of imgrapts but i will deport your ass. trump came in you know me, my thing is the wall, that
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beautiful wall, some say even jericka-- jericho didn't have walls as beautiful. >> and biden is just adding to the confusion, how are migrants supposed to know that when biden stays stuff like this. >> the nation where we live by the values that embraces immigrants, refugees, asylum seekers does not slam the doors on those fleeing persecution, violence and oppression. >> trevor: what he really means is, i'm rolling-- rolling back some of trump's policy but the one that lets me deport asylum seekers during a pandemic, i'm keeping that one. so biden isn't just letting everyone in. many are being allowed to stay and apply for asylum but thousands are being flown back to haiti. so i get how this could be confusing. and also, if any of those haitians had been watching fox news, well there is probably another reason that they thought now was a really good time to come. >> joe biden is elected president, i think the only thing that will be open will the jails anded borders. the biden administration has to be crystal clear and their
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message is our borders are open and come on in. >> the biden administration-- administration has been open border policy. >> the democrats today support open borders. >> you know, if you are a terrorist and want to come to this country, you have 200 miles of open border. >> as t is as if there is a bat signal that has gone off in del rio, texas, come here because the board certificate wide open. >> trevor: hold up, a bat signal is attracting all of these migrants? i mean that would only make accepts if all the migrants were batman, in which case, hell yeah, they should let all those guys in, who wouldn't want america to have 10,000 more batmen, and then we could finally stop all this penguin crime. fox news can blame biden but they are also part of spreading this false message. if people see the stuff on tv, they don't know fox news is bellshit, i'm sorry, opinion. they just see news. but the border is not open. it has never been open. and because it's not open, thousands of haitians are now
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meeting america's border patrol head on. >> this morning the white house is seeking more information on what it is calling horrific footage at the u.s.-mexico border. >> a number of agents on horseback can be seen trying to keep migrants from trying to cross into the country, while threatening them with what appears to be horses reigns or ropes, including families like this one, holding a baby when the agents get dangerously close. as they try to pass, the agent said this to them. >> hey, you use your women, is this why your country [bleep], cuz you use your women. >> trevor: holy shit, did you hear what that i tha guy said, is he like a facebook comment riding a horse. and look, i get that your job is to secure the border, i didn't know that hurling racist insults at people is part of the job. that's like if part of a tsa agent job is to roast people as they pass through security. excuse me, sir, i need to you take off your shoes and burn them in the trash cuz those things are ugly, man, why you walking around with those, man.
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oh, those are some nasty ass shoes you god, come on, come on, you good, man, yeah, you got that out, and another thing, can we stop involving horses in all the shit that we do as human beings. they don't want to be involved. they have nothing against immigrants. but now they're in the newspapers too. they have just been cursed with very rideable bodies. this has been a tough month for horses, first america stole their worm medicine and now they are getting cancelled. it's not fair. now needless to say, these images have stirred up a lot of blowback and this isn't the usual republicans versus democrats, no, no, no, this time the biden administration is getting flak from its own team. >> i'm sick, i'm unhappy and i'm not just unhappy with the cowboys who were running down haitians and using their reins to whip them. i'm unhappy with the administration, we are following
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the trump policy, what the hell are we doing here? what we witnessed takes us back hundreds of years. what we witnessed was worse than what we witnessed in slavery. cowboys with their reins, again, whipping black people, haitians into the water. >> trevor: you know a black woman is angry when she is willing to come out in the rain and risk her hair to tell you how she feels. and i understand her frustration with biden. because democrats promised that they would handle the border with more humanity. but now it looks like a dude ranch run by tucker carlson. i will say, though, i will say, i disagree with auntie maxine saying this was worse than slavery. i feel like that line, we should only ever save for things that are worse than slavery. and like don't get me wrong, i get where auntie maxine is coming from, right, you have a white guy up on a horse,
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swinging his reins at a bunch of black people, those are some of the main ingredients of slavery. you see that stuff together in one place, and that is where your mind goes, but st not worse than slavery. it can happen, i remember going to a kid's birthday party where there was a pony ride and i was like whoa, is this slavery? no, trevor, it's jimmy's birthday party. okay. but if you make me pick that cotton candy, i'm calling my mom. so look, as much as people would like to solve this issue in a tweet or a tiktok video, the truth is, the ugly truth is immigration is one of the most complicated issues to figure out. and it becomes exponentially more difficult when 15,000 people show up on your doorstep. i mean i can barely handle it when five of my friends show up unannounced. and america may not be able to fix its immigration policies overnight but what it can try to do, the least it can try to do is remember that yes, you are enforcing your border but at the
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very least, you can treat the humans you are dealing with, where the humanity we all deserve. all right, when we come back, jordan klepper goes back to school. you don't want to miss it. my hygienist cleans with a round head. so does my oral-b my hygienist personalizes my cleaning. so does my oral-b oral-b delivers the wow of a professional clean feel every day. here's a good halloween trick. buy a bunch of reese's. (uh huh, there you go) turn off all the lights in your house. (yeah yeah)
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( trick or treat!) and then just don't answer the door. not sorry, reese's.
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♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ [ sirens blaring ] let it burn! ♪ ♪ [ eerie music playing ] michael myers survived that fire. after what he's done to my family... i will kill him. tonight we hunt him down. [ screaming ] evil dies tonight. [ chanting ] evil dies tonight! [ screaming ] no! i'm coming for you michael.
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you want your mask? come and get it! "the daily show." school has started in america. but many parents are not happy with the new covid results their
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children have to obey. so we sent jordan klepper down to hear these parents out in another episode of jordan klepper, fingerses the pulse. >> i'm in johnson county, north carolina. with marching with antimask protestors to what has become america's new thunderdome, school board meetings. north carolina parents are desperate to get their kids back into school. pull of packed icu's and covid cases in children four times what they were last year, new studies from the cdc are recommending masks as a way to keep in-person learning. but packed school board meetings and-- on the right are upset because putting on a piece of cloth is just too much. >> i'm against all mandates so from there i don't do whether it is mask, vaccinations, against it all. >> masks will never protect america. >> mask don't work, my child was suffering after wearing his mask for so long. >> what kind of issues.
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>> he had acne on his face from you know the mask covering and not letting his skin breathe. >> has he had covid. >> no. >> but he has had acne. >> yes. >> so if you had to choose. >> no. >> what is wrong with having children wear masks in school? >> well, you are breathing in the toxins that your body is trying to get rid of. >> how do surgeons do it? >> that is a good question. >> the new studies have come out by the cdc and even duke university talking about masks being helpful especially in a school situation. >> i challenge anybody to put a mask on and five minutes later smell that funk. >> so there is skins and then there is the smell test and are you going with the smell test. >> yes. >> what are some of the ways kid suffer when they have to wear mask. >> i think breathing, have i done a little bit of experience about car done buy ox is-- die dioxide. >> wearing a mask helps stop the spreading of covid. >> but they are outside, like right now, i mean this is kind of an example there are kids out there playing and stuff. >> we are outside right now.
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when you go inside, isn't it benefit-- beneficial to wear a mask if are you close to someone. >> huh-uh, i don't think so. >> the science says it is helpful to wear a mask, so it doesn't spread when you are close proximity indoors. >> the science. >> yeah. >> i don't-- i mean, cuz they're-- oh. i don't know. i just-- y'all edit this, i'm sorry. >> some people are bewildered by science, both the practice and the word. but maybe scary images like full icu's would have an impact. >> wearing a masks, what is the harm. >> well, for kids the harm is they can't gage emotional awareness of other kids. they don't see the facial expressions. >> you think not being able to see people's lower half of their face outweighs the danger that covid might pose to kids in a community. >> well, the dangers aren't what you think they are. >> the icu's here are full.
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>> yeah. but how many positive tests in all of north carolina have died? how many are sick. >> the ones in the icu are pretty sick. >> yeah. >>-- after three times in the last year and a half with my wife, and have questioned the nurses and doctors. >> you have icu's full of people suffering from covid now. >> do you now, is that true? or are they just being the diagnosis on paper, i have walked through the hospitalsk i videotaped inside the hospitals. and guess what t is not full of covid patients. >> now i'm worried about covid and security mesh ires at north carolina hospitals. >> it was never about just one thing but more of a general airing of grieve anses. >> when we got a governor here that thinks it is okay to have crt in the classroom, they need to focus on educating and not indoctrinating our children here in north carolina. >> no crt, that is ridiculous. >> the it is from all that is is going on with crt, critical race
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theory. >> here in north car line they don't need to learn about racism in school. >> where are they going to learn about racism. >> walking past one of the tobacco feels. >> no, not walking past the tobacco fields, you know, it's not like that. >> it was hard to sum up the outrage of that afternoon, there were many thoughtful political statements being made but looking around it was difficult to miss the real catchphrase of the day. >> i don't coparent with the government. >> you don't want to coparent with the government, don't get pregnant in texas. >> there we go. don't get pregnant anywhere. >> your kids go to private school. >> they are enrolled in public school. >> isn't that kind of coparenting with the government. >> no, it isn't, because you know why, we have a board of education, we also elect who our officials are, we get to have a voice. >> but you work with the government. >> we do. >> in parenting decisions. >> yeah. >> in public school. >> you kind of coparent with the government. >> in that regard, i guess, yeah, if you want to say my taxes pay for that. >> but are you giving back your
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child tax credit. >> no. >> i mean, this crowd that was ready to fight for what they believed in, was using the power of democracy that was bestowed upon all of us by our founding fathers. >> did you vote for school boards? >> no. >> no. >> i don't even vote. >> you don't even vote. >> no. >> you could vote for somebody who reflects your values. >> i could vote, you're right, yeah. >> but that is a hassle. >> takes time to do itk i'm sorry. >> but at the end of the day they saw this as a fight against something much por disturbing than kid's face coverings. >> terrible for them to wear masks, absolutely. >> it is absolutely terrible. >> it is a kind of slavery. >> where are mask a sign of slavery. >> i discovered in my research also that they have to stand six feet apart, they weared masks. >> who does. >> sat an. >> sat an-- that. >> six feet apart, wear a mask. i don't know, it is it a coins den, i don't know. >> sat anism, we are at war with satanism. >> what how are we doing. >> i think we're winning.
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>> finally good news. >> have i no fears. >> no fears but a healthy believe in satanism and its affect on the covid. >> absolutely. >> thank you so much for that, jordan, when we come back, jason isbell is joining me on the isbell is joining me on the show, so don't ♪ ♪ you twist it like this. ahh... ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ is it too early to start celebrating halloween?
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i can make a rustic cabin feel modern. i am a guidebook for guests. i can make an indoorsy person, outdoorsy. i give families a home, not just a place to stay. i am a vrbo host. ♪ ♪
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"the daily show," my guest is grammy award-winning singer-- singerring songwriter and musician jason isbell here to talk about his new cover album, how is he handling covid at his concerts and why he loves georgia. jason. welcome to the show. >> trevor, thanks for having me. >> trevor: so good to actually have you. i mean it's been awhile since i saw you physically in person. i feal like i saw you virtually and now are you here. >> yeah. >> trevor: mano amano. >> i saw you virtually too, it was threul the lockdown, its wag nice to watch you in like your home setting. like, i enjoyed that. >> trevor: i appreciate that,
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man, thank you very much. how is your daughter, by the way. >> she's good, she is six, she says hello. still in love with you. >> trevor: i appreciate that. >> hasn't wanted. >> trevor: that saul i look for in life, how much do little children like you, in like a good way on tv and stuff. >> that works, works for the beatles, it worked for-- kids love the true greats, so i think are you on your way. >> trevor: let's talk about some music. you are getting back out on the road again. now you've got a brand new album, it seems like just a love letter, essentially, to the state of georgia. georgia blues. >> uh-huh. >> trevor: and if i understand it correctly, it's covers of like famous songs about georgia in some way, shape or form but first of all, why the album? and then like why did you choose to make it the way that you made it? >> well, i was watching the election, presidential election and i saw there was a good chance that georgia was going to go blue. and i was very excited. and i know like you're not supposed to tweet like pledges
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excitedly. are you not supposed to make promises on twitter when are you excited am i thought if georgia goes blue, i will make a record of my favorite georgia songs. i will donate all the proceeds to voting organizations in the state of georgia. and it did. and it was great for me because then it is like oh, i get an excuse to make a covers album, because i'm a sopg writer and i'm supposed to go in with all these songs written and play them for the band and it is terrifying and i don't know if they are any good yet, the band hears them, and then we record them, this was nothing like that, because it was like i can take these songs that i love, rem, glad is knight, o fis redding, james brown, you know, cat power, indigo girls, all these songs that i know already are great songs going inment and just go in and work the machines and have fun with the band. >> trevor: when you are making like a covers album. >> covers album. >> trevor: covers album. >> yeah. >> trevor: i'm learning new things every day. >> overseas it is probably a cover album.
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>> we said cover album when i was growing up. >> and then your name as well. some people say isbell. >> country. >> trevor: you say isbell. >> i say is-bull, even in texas there are isbells who will correct me on how i proflowns it. >> trevor: but is-bull. >> i yeah. >> trevor: i said isbell before and you didn't correct me. >> i don't correct people, myself because it's like get creative with it, it doesn't bother me, letterman never said it right, i was on his show so many times, never said it right, he told him what it was. >> trevor: but in everyone's defense it is isbell. >> it looks like is-bell trk really does. >> trevor: how did it become is-bull. >> probably because we're from alabama and sometimes we mispronounce some things. i mean the town where i grew up, the closest city was muscle shoals and they spelled it like muscle even though they meant it like a mussel, and it is in north alabama so it is nowhere
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near the coast so everybody is always, okay, okay. >> trevor: that makes-- so covers album, isbull, bell. >> yes. >> trevor: getting to know each other, this is good. >> we are. >> trevor: you were one of the first artists who came out and put pressure on not just the fans but the venues to say we can do the show but let's do it in the safest way possible, we have to get people vaccinated and people at least have to get tested before they come to the shows and at first you got some pushback but then now venues have jumped on board. the biggest promoters have jumped on board t is becoming the industry standard, seems like a risky move to make initially but you felt strongly about it. >> i did. there were others doing it at the same time, people who did it before i did, but it was the right thing to me. and you know, i got into this business and this job because i wanted to enjoy my life. and this was the thing that i loved doing the most. and i worked hard for a long time and got real lucky and finally got to the point where i
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don't feel like i'm going to work when i get up on stage, that is my be jo. but if i'm up there worried about people getting sick in the audience, and maybe people dying because they came to that show, i'm not enjoying my job. and i don't want to do it that way, you know. it shouldn't have come down to us it sthunt come down to entertainers t shouldn't come down to venues or promoters. my opinion there should have been leadership from the top. we shouldn't have had to step out and say, you know, i'm going to do this. >> trevor: were you worried though that you would alienate some of your fans or lose people or like jason, why are you forcing me to get vaccinated, why are you buying floo it, were you worried about that at all. >> no, i have spent a lot of years trying to run people off using like my twitter, you know, so when this day came timely, the ones who are left around are going to go along. >> trevor: i like that. i'm lucky to have a fan base that are open minded to things like this, that are into stuff like science and you know, so it it wasn't as big a risk for me.
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and i understand for some other risks it twoo be a bigger risk but i spent years sort of pruningk cultivating the fan base by saying things that i knew would offend a few of them at a time. and i think we've built a pretty nice little core of people who want to dot right thing. >> okay. >> trevor: i will tell you this, man, you always make amazing music. the reason behind the album is pretty fufnlt i love that it was a twitter, you know, overpromising on twitter and then delivering. which is something people don't do. >> people say a lot of things on twitter,. >> trevor: if this happens i will do this, and were you like i will make the album if this happens, and you made the album. >> you have to build a twitter account people can trust, trevor, it's important. >> trevor: congratulations on the new album, congratulations on getting back on the road. an please tell your daughter i said hy. >> i will, thanks, trevor. >> jason isbell and the 4 hundred units georgia blue benefit album will be out october 15th. we are going to take a quick break but we'll be right back
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break but we'll be right back after this. why do nearly one million businesses choose stamps.com to mail and ship? no more trips to the post office no more paying full price for postage and great rates from usps and ups mail letters ship packages anytime anywhere for less a lot less get our special tv offer a 4-week trial plus postage and a digital scale go to stamps.com/try and never go to the post office again
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for tonight, but before we go, done forget "the daily show" has launched a brand new merch collection inspired by our segment, if you don't know now you know. now 100 percent of the vycom cbs
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proceeds will be-- viacomcbs proceeds will be donated to the largest youth unit in the country that sets up underserved students for success, if you want to support 826 national, scan the qr code below or head to the link below. until next week, stay safe out there, get your vaccine, and remember, ghosts aren't real. so there is nothing to worry about. now here it is, your moment of zen. ♪ it's going to be a good one, jason isbell, trevor noah. hanging out together, telling jokes. >> trevor: and then he came in, and stole my shine. took my crew. ♪ made me feel like a loser too.
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♪ it was the worst day of my life. ♪ i don't know what i'm going to do with myself. ♪ all i know is i wish i could die. ♪ cuz if a comedian doesn't have jokes, he's like a cloud without the sky. ♪ am i saying this shit out whrowd? sorry, that guitar gets in your head. ♪ ♪ - ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ - ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night, people spouting howdy neighbor ♪
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- ♪ headin' on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪
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[knocking on door] ♪ ♪ so many bottles of champagne ♪ ♪ ♪ i'm in a room with the famous faces ♪ “ready and action!” ♪ oh, i feel like scorsese ♪ ♪ ♪ yeah, this sure is like a movie ♪ ♪ (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) ♪ ♪ whoa, we're 'bout to make a movie, ♪ ♪ woo ♪ ♪ ♪ roll out the red carpet for me ♪ “ladies and gentlemen, that's a wrap!"
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all: yeah, yeah, do we rock? yeah, yeah, take it to the top. yeah, yeah, are we gonna stop? no way. no way. - cheer squad roll call! - heidi! - nicole! - bebe! - lola! - red! - annie! - [softly] lisa berger. - oh, god. - here we go. - ugh. - could we maybe try one without lisa berger? - you guys, stop it. okay, lisa, that's great. but you need to have some more confidence, okay? - but i'm the fat one. - what? every cheerleading squad has the fat, ugly cheerleader, and that's me. - see, that's the problem, lisa.
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you have a bad self image. just project all your sassiness to all the boys out there, okay? - there's only one boy that lisa cares about. - yeah, lisa has a crush on butters. - shut up. - but, lisa, that's great. have you told butters that you like him? - no way. i'd just get made fun of. - lisa, this is exactly what you need. take butters to see a movie or something. it'll do wonders for your confidence. - so then, uh, the fella with the moustache eats all the cupcakes, and the lady takes out a gun and puts it in his face, and she says-- - uh, excuse me, butters? - oh, yes? - um, well... i was just wondering if maybe you would like to go to a movie this weekend. - oh. oh, like a date? oh, no thanks, lisa. i really appreciate the offer, but you're too fat for me. - okay, thanks. - see ya, lisa! - ha ha, butters got asked out by a fat girl. - at least she didn't try to sit on him. [laughter] - you guys, come on, that's not cool. you shouldn't rip on her because she's fat.

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