tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central October 4, 2021 11:00pm-11:30pm PDT
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- forget that. - can i have an office? - no. - you know what? you can keep your stupid favor. it's worthless. and this is my dinner on your face. i'm keeping it! - oh, that feels better. what is whatsapp, facebook, instagram, everything was down today. ah... thank you, sir. did you see that? everything, whatsapp, facebook, instagram. i was like, aaahhh! mercury's in retrograde. that's a thing apparently. you must say that when shit goes bad in life. that's how it works. that's what i have been told. it was all down. i liked for one day we did not have to be on social media, we could talk to people again about how social media is down. that's every conversation. is it down for you? it's down for me. is it down for you? it's still down. is it down for you? still down for nee.
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still down for you? still down for me. i'm glad we're connecting like this. >> coming to you from the heart of times square, the most important place on earth, it's "the daily show." tonight, tiktok is on the case. how the rich stay rich. and richard antoine white. this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! >> trevor: hey! what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. let's jump straight into today's headlines. we kick things off with the devillic party. they fight just as much as the real housewives of atlanta, only they get less done. for months now president biden has been trying to pass a major spending bill that includes every single priority for the democrats, funding childcare, tackling climate change, organizationing a search party to find kamala harris, but the bill is being blocked by two senators, joe manchin and
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kyrsten sinema, and tensions are getting high. >> frustration on capitol hill as lawmakers can't dom to a teal on president biden's overall spending plan. house speaker pelosi delayed a vote saying not enough support, threes two democrats oppose the plan. they at a $3.5 trillion is too costly. protesters arrive by kayaks and small boats at manchin's house in d.c. to voice opposition. >> someone followed kyrsten sinema into a restroom to tell them they opposed it. >> we knocked on doors to get you elected and we can fete you out of office if you don't support what you promised us. >> trevor: wow, i don't know about you guys, but i'm all for holding officials accountable. on the other hand, i think following someone into a
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bathroom at work is too far. the office bathroom is an oasis to take a few minutes out of your day to do your business, check your phone, watch an entire season of "squid game." you know who impresses me are the people using the bathroom while in is going on. if a co-worker talks to me at the urine, i can't pee for the rest of the day. i understand the frustration, this is probably the only chance the democrats have to pass so many of their big priorities and these two people are standing in the whey of the whole thing. this is why joe manchin has the right idea. if i pissed off as many people as he did i'd live on a house boat, too. sorry for killing that bill, i'll see you in international water, losers! ha ha ha! all right, but let's move on to our next story which is about oil. it's earth's lube. and right now, it's lubing up all the wrong places.
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>> efforts off of southern california, crews working to contain a major oil spill, one of the largest in recent history. at least 126,000 gallons of oil leaking into the pacific. the source believed to be a pipeline 4.5 miles offshore, the area impacted a 13 square mile stretch between huntington and newport beach. people turned stay away from the beaches. images coming in today of oil washing ashore. officials say they stopped the flow but warnings of a potential ecological disaster. >> trevor: i'm no scientist but i feel like the last thing a state that's currently on fire needs is a wave of oil washing towards it. pray those wildfires don't reach the ocean or the whole state will be fried worse than dawg the bounty hunter. why can't california disasters cancel each other out for once? why can't there be a major flood that puts out the wildfires or a
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earthquake that swallows up the hype house? and i feel terrible for the birds covered in black oil. not only is their health in danger but they're also in danger of getting canceled on twitter. i will say, though, the good news, with the price of gas right now, they're probably going to get a lot of volunteers to clean this mess up. people will be wringing seagulls over their gas tank, common on! i just made enough to get to work! animals only see the downside of oil. that's the reason i think that every animal that gets covered in an oil spill, they should get a free doing durango. comfy, right? yeah. now, you see why we keep doing this. finally, let's get into the video everyone is talking about on tiktok, the app where people watch ten second videos for 15 hours straight. right now, one of the videos is the subject of the most intense
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forensic investigation since the kennedy assassination. >> i am officially hooked on the saga of couch guy and i'm not alone. the original video has been viewed 15 million times alone. shows a young woman named lauren surprising her boyfriend at college, robby, in the red on the couch, the video is dividing the internet. many people say he is not happy enough to see hoar. one red flag saying he did not get up and jump out of excitement, another saying looked like he hugged her lying an aunt at christmas. tiktok says when robby bends over, in slow motion, the girl next to him on the couch sneakily passes his cell phone under his arm. >> there his arm goes to the side of his pants. >> why did she have the phone, why did they hide she had it, that's shady.
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other tiktokers analyzing the girl's movements on the couch. weird she felt she needed to scoot away not once but two times away from robby. lauren is still defending him on her tiktok as of this morning. >> trevor: wow... this is so intense. i know everyone is having a fun with this story, but you have to feel for this couple. they're major celebrities, they're just a normal couple breaking up. if we're going to get into this, may not be a popular opinion, but i am siding with couch guy here. yep. i said it. yes, he could have been more excited but in his defense, these are covid times and she just got off a plane. so even if he's really happy to see her, he's probably thinking is it okay to hug her? was she tested? is she going to give covid to my side chick?
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we need to remember how jarring it is to see somebody out of context. doesn't matter who it is. it's going to throw you off. if my mom showed up right here right now, i wouldn't be, like, mom! i would be, like, whoa, mom, am i in trouble? what happened? did i leave the stove on again? so i don't think his delayed reaction is damning evidence here. what is damning evidence is he's sitting next to a guitar. because i'm sorry, people, if you're in college sitting next to a girl and you've got a guitar next to you, you're definitely trying to smash. that's a rule, isn't it? that's a law. why else do people buy guitars? not to play them. ha. let's jump straight into our top story. our main story is about taxes. you know, it's the cup the government takes for being a good pimp. just like normal people, the world's mega rich and powerful do not enjoy paying taxes, but
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unlike normal people, the mega rich and powerful can do something about it and, now, a huge leak of private documents is revealing just how good at it they actually are. >> the pan dora papers, a massive investigation of millions of leaked documents from offshore bank accounts detailing how some to have the world's wealthy hide their assets from authorities and tax collectors. it's a bombshell report based on the biggest league of offshore banking data in history. an international collection overjournallists scouring a troll of 11.9 documents leaked from 14 firms around the world. they claim these files dubbed the pandora papers blow the lid off the secrets the wealthy use to their advantage. >> these are the private communications in many cases between elite, wealthy individuals and their financial managers and the offshore companies that set them up with shell companies and trusts to help them hide their money. >> trevor: wait, what? the rich and powerful have been
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making their wealth in offshore havens to avoid paying taxes? i am disgusted! and extremely jealous! because i'm out here on turbotax adding up my line 9 with 37 like a bitch where i can send my salary to an island! it isn't surprising the rich avoid paying taxes. these are the world's elite. life's like waffle house after 2:00 a.m., there are no rules to them. they go to lengths to hide the wealth. offshore accounts, dozens of teams of accountants. call me old fashioned. what happened to burying your money in the sand? let's get back to basics, people. when you hear a list of super wealthy tax cheats has been leaked the first question is how can we restructure our global tax systems to help mitigate? i'm kidding, man, the first question is who's on the list? spill the tea! >> the investigation names more
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than 130 people listed on the forbes billionaires list, a-listers like columbian pop star shakira and 330 former and current public officials around the world. >> jordan's king abdullah, former u.k. prime minister tony blair, vladimir putin, even elton john on the list. >> and alleged mistress of vladimir putin, the president of russia, said to be from a humble background reportedly acquired an apartment building in monaco worth over $4 million just after allegedly giving birth to putin's daughter now a teenager who russia investigative sites strongly reports resembles putin. >> trevor: i don't know if we needed financial documents to confirm this is putin's daughter since we have, you know, eyes. and i get all these other people hiding their money but why is putin hiding his cash? who's going after him? i doubt anyone at the russian
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i.r.s. is willing to take on that case. comrades, it appears vladimir putin has not paid his taxes. but, reel, what is tax, huh? can't it be only be paid in money since he's paid so much more in spirit, we agree? yeah? i will say, the shakira thing surprised a lot of people because, all the this time, we were worried about her hips lying where we should be focused on her accountants. before you're quick to judge, ask yourself this question -- when was the last time any of us paid for music, hmm? so basically, the mega rich around the world have been creating fake companies to hide their money in various countries. not surprising. what is surprising is which countries are on the list. >> according to the comets, many of the bank accounts used were registered in well-known offshore h.h.s., the british
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virgin islands, hong kong and belize. but the passive amount of companies are based here in u.s. like south dakota. >> south dakota's privacy and assets are looking to hide their fortunes. south dakota trusts hold more than $370 billion in assets, that's up from 60 billion a decade ago. south dakota is the main reason that the u.s. is now ranked second behind the cayman islands on the tax justice networks financial secrecy index. >> trevor: yeah, south dakota. surprising, right? i mean, not for me. i kind of figured there was too much money floating around south dakota on my last visit there. thanks to laws that are super friendly to hidden wealth, south dakota is apparently a great place to avoid taxes. i mean, of course, the downside is when you withdraw your money, it will have covid, but
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downsized to everything in life. and what's interesting is even south dakota plays such a big part in the tax evasion team, the bill nasr in south dakota don't seem to be participating in it. one of the big questions coming out of it, already, is how come there are not mo american millionaires and billionaires on the list? one distressing theory is they pay so little taxes under u.s. law they don't need to ship it offshore. >> trevor: bhoo! u.s.a.! u.s.a.! ha! not having a tax haven problem because your tax laws are already so easy on wealthy people. that, my friends, is rock and roll. almost makes me feel bad for american billionaires, though, because hiding the money is part of the fun. like trying to rob a bank but they just give you the cash when you walk in. it's not the same. this is a stickup! hand over the money. oh, no need, sir. here's all the money. okay, but i'm going to still
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pistol whip you. >> oh, yes, of course, on the chin, or the head. you're too into it. i don't want to do this anymore, i want to make a deposit. whether they're hiding money in shell companies or following the u.s. tax code, it's never been clear that wealthy people around the world ain't paying shit in taxes, and that can be upsetting to some. but if you ask me, i find it inspiring. because it shows that, no matter how rich you get, no matter how high up you rise, nothing has to stop you from being greedy as (~bleep~). all right, when we come back, dulce sloan takes to the street to explain why you are wrong. you don't want to miss it.
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♪through the ups and downs♪ ♪i've a feeling in my bones♪ ♪i'm not going to sit around here waiting♪ ♪my time is now♪ >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." there is so much important news out there these days, which is why i ask dulce sloan to get out on the street and talk to the people to get their opinions about the issues. but dulce just does what she wants, so she came back with this -- >> hi, friends. these days people spend so much time arguing about politics and the important issues of the day but what about the smaller issues i really care about? that's what really needs to be discussed and that's what i'm going to be doing in my new steght called "prove me wrong! ." ♪♪ ♪♪ okay. here's the thing -- pizza, not that great, just bread, sauce and cheese. so what i want you to do is prove me wrong!
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hello. >> okay, so i am really hungry and it's all i can think about today. >> not a great point. >> well, another point, it's the best drunk food ever. you can go out of the bars and grab a $1 slice of pizza. >> includes frenchifies. >> but are less balanced. >> if i put ketchup and easy on fries i just made pizza. >> that's great. >> no, pizza is not that great. >> add fries on your pizza. >> that's wild, not that great. >> we give up. >> pizza is not that great. my opinion still stands! golf is not a sport! prove me wrong! you only need your arms to do it. it might as well be bowling. >> it's a fabulous sports,ist in the olympics. >> it's the only sport where you can drive a car to do it. >> the professionals all walk. >> but they have caddies, though, someone holds their stuff. >> yes, slalom skiers, you don't
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expect them to walk up the mountain to do their race do you? >> i'm black, i don't know nothing about skiing. i don't understand why you put sticks on your feet and go down a mountainer, why were you up there in the first place? >> golf is safer. >> not that many hill. you have a sand trap, water features, have to watch out for geese, ducks, mistresses. >> check out the women they play it and it's graceful and it's wonderful to watch. >> so you're saying that when women play golf it's a sport? >> yes! >> i'll agree with that! okay! i'm going to say that this is a tie! and now, dear to my heart, reality tv is the best tv! prove me wrong! ♪♪
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anybody? >> well, it's contrived to the extent of, like, creating drama that may not necessarily be there just for television. i had a friend who was on are you rupaul's drag race. >> that is my favorite reality show. i have watched all 13 seasons and all six all-star and i've watched u.k., thailand and i need to watch australia and spain. >> in reality, there's nothing realitiesic about what's going on on that set. so much of it is produced. >> but we can acknowledge that the end result, how many of the seasons did you watch? >> all 13. >> see! >> i think the best tv is crime shows. not reality tv. you can learn about if you want to commit crimes, how to do it. >> crime tv has never shown you how to get away with crime. you think you can get away with crime from watch ag show where somebody got caught?
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>> yes, because i -- >> you're probably one to have the men who thinks you can beat the women's soccer team because you played in high school. >> i was a soccer player. definitely could, yes. >> thank you for playing obviously straight man. thinks he can beat an olympic level athlete. >> that's because i got -- >> a professional athlete and you think you can get away with crime? >> absolutely. i could be trafficking weapons or narcotics maybe across state lines. >> that is not right. that is a federalo fence. do you have a car? >> yes. >> what kind of car? >> it's a toyota prius. >> looks like you haven't thought this out. you need to prove me wrong! i win again! ha ha ha! the next topic is arguing with strangers is a waste of time! prove me wrong! >> we're out here in new york, it's what we do, we argue. >> you're saying that due to
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geography, you like to engage in hostile conversations with people you do not know. >> it's not hostile, it's just a way of expressing how you feel and your point of view. >> arguing is inherently hostile. >> arguing is just how we express. >> when has arguing with strangers not been a waste of time? >> we're strangers arguing right now. ♪♪ >> trevor: thank you so much for that, dulce. when we come back, richard antoine white will tell me how the tuba got him out of the hood. you don't want to miss it.
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my guest tonight is a professional tuba player, richard antoine white. he's here to talk about his powerful new memoir, "i'm possible," and how the tuba helped him go from the streets of baltimore to the classical concert halls. welcome to the show. >> pleasure to be here. thanks for having me. >> trevor: this is one to of the strangest stories of overcoming i've read, in a really beautiful way. your resume is truly impressive. you have a doctorate in music, specifically for playing the tuba, correct? >> correct. >> trevor: and you are the principal tubist for the new mexico philharmonic and it did new york symphony. >> correct. >> trevor: how good do you have to get at playing a tuba to be a doctor of tuba. >> well, to put everything thing in perspective, at an audition today, l.a. phil was having an
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audition, over 200, 250 applicants, only one will win the job. it's easier to get an m.b.a. than win app job as a tubeist. >> you started off in new york and hard living with a mom who struggled with alcoholism. when this was going on in your life, how did richard keep going? there was a point you almost died in a blizzard. >> i think i was blessed, the universe blessed me with an extraordinary imagination. i had to imagine a full stomach, a warm blank et to the point it was survive or not survive, and i'm grateful the universe survived that. every day was about finding my mom and surviving, finding something to eat. i wasn't conscious of what i didn't have. i was on a mission to live my life, the hand i was dealt and i played it to the best of my ability. >> trevor: on your journey, what have you found to help you
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heel your wounds. >> i find in spite of not because of. you hear i can't do this because of this or that, if you tell me i can't do something, i will tell you i can in spite of. i'm possible because i you tolde i couldn't do it. i'll show you i can do it. that's the taurus in me, maybe. what we all want is a choice, a chance and change. i was given a chance to make the right choices to see the kind of change that would better my life. >> trevor: where do you think you got that from? >> trial and error. on the streets, i had to make things happen, so as long as i had a chance, i was going to take it. >> trevor: here's what i love about this book is it's a story of your life, how you see the world, a story anybody can apply to themselves but also the first book for me that i guess explains a tuba and also talks about it from a place of being self-aware. you love the instrument. >> i do. >> trevor: but you acknowledge it's the butt of many jokes. >> it's ironic, every time you
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