tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central October 12, 2021 11:00pm-11:45pm PDT
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[horns honking] comics, they're going to change something up and superman will be by sexual and people are losing their minds. something i saw, someone said this is ridiculous, unrealistic! i'm sorry, a guy who comes from another planet and weak from green stones. being by sexual is unrealistic? being unrealistic is superman being straight. what's more is superman coming down, saving people -- thank you, superman! yeah, now i'm going to smash that donkey. what? yeah, that's what we do on our planet. no, that's not what we do.
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that's some bullshit. >> coming to you from the heart of times square, the most important place on earth, it's "the daily show." tonight kyri gets ejected. you're right to save the (~bleep~) and phoebe robinson. this is "the daily show"! with trevor noah. >> trevor: hey! what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. let's jump straight into today's headlines. we kick things off with big sports news and, no, i'm not caulking about kry irving, i'm talking about how head coach from the oakland raiders jon gruden was fired from the team. usually if a coach is fired, the team was playing badly, like the cheerleaders were rooting for the other team bad. but jon gruden was fired over
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e-mails he wrote to a colleague over ten years ago. hobbed could the email be? this bad. >> last week, it was learned gruden used a racist trope to describe demaurice smith saying he had lips the size of michelin tires. then the glued gates opened last night with a "new york times" report detailing even more troubling e-mails showing gruden using offensive language to insult 1/2 commissioner roger goodell, also calling the league's first openly gay player michael sam a queer, panning the hiring of female referees and mocking league efforts to reduce concussions. >> trevor: goddam this dude hit everybody -- blacks, gays, women, protesters, brain damage victims, like he was competing in a cancellation decathlon. i can't believe i have to say
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this but, people, you should not be writing racist e-mails. just get up, walk over to your co-workers desk and say the n-word in person. it's called human interaction, people. have we forgotten this? at the very least, be more original with your hatred. black people having big lips? at least think of something new. y'all ever notice how white people are obsessed with ceiling fans? i don't know if it's true but at least it's fresh. here's what i don't understand -- why is it that it's always the worst people who are super motivated? most of us, we would struggle to even write this many e-mails much less racist ones but gruden was pumping out racist e-mails nonstop. he was getting spam e-mails from crate and barrel and he would write back, do you know what bothers me about nelson mandela?
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i'll tell you what bothers me -- ( buzzer ) dulce. >> hmm? >> trevor: did you. >> i'm practicing for a game show and i was, like, oooh, a great way for me to practice when i should be on a game show is be on a show and hit a buzzer, you know, in front of the cameras so i don't get nervous. >> trevor: you're practicing for a game show during this show? >> a show, yes. >> trevor: but this is my show. you don't need to -- what are you doing? >> wow. wow. our -- our show. there's a lot of people that work here. >> trevor: you are right. it is our show. i'm saying i'm trying to do the thing now. >> oh, we talk about another white man being racist? ( laughter ) it was, like, oh, no, i can't believe this white man did the thing that they always do! >> trevor: yeah, but he's the
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co-chair of a thing -- >> listen, all he did was take notes in a locker room. why to people say that's original when it comes to racism. >> trevor: because he said the wrong thing. >> ten years ago. >> trevor: do you think he changed? >> no, i think he's gotten worse. ( laughter ) my question is why are we only finding out now? why are we only mad at him? what about the person who sat on these e-mails for ten years and waited? so my question sp -- >> trevor: who was he sending the e-mails to. >> who was he sending the e-mails to and why was they sitting on them? you need to ask the assistant coach, somebody-week-old benefit from his job. i'm not saying he wasn't dead-ass wrong, just saying -- michelin tires was racist ten years ago. in 2011 when he typed it to his friend, his confidant, it was racist. why you wait? ( laughter ) >> trevor: oh, man... i feel like you've just gotten more people fired.
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>> i'm just saying facts is facts. >> trevor: i appreciate it. but thank you for that. don't do this thing, but that was great. >> so i can't hit this again. >> trevor: no, no -- yeah -- just don't -- you can practice when we're done. let me do this and we'll be done. let's move on to the next story which is about sex, the thing you do when netflix is down. not to brag, but i've had sex before. ( dulce laughing ) at least seven times, eight if you count the treatment one sex term i never heard about before this story is called stealthing. apparently, it's when a guy secretly stakes off his condom during sex without telling his partner. not only is this a thing, it happened so often that they had to pass a law against it. >> california just became the first state to outlaw stealthing or the removal of a condom without consent during sex. lawmakers say women and gay men are increasingly victims of stealthing. >> in a study two years ago, 12%
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of women said they had been a victim of stealthing. in another study, found that 10% of men admit they've done it. >> trevor: okay, people, what the hell is wrong with guys? a condom is like a safety harness on a rollercoaster, you need to wear it the whole time especially when things get crazy at the end. some men are so greedy, you already got her to have consensual sex with you, why have you got to sprinkle in the crime? the fact that ten percent admit it, it's higher. like when "50 shades of grey" came out and no one admitted to reading it. made half a billion dollars. somebody is lying or one person is reading it a lot. this should be a crime because sex is about consent. if you're doing anything your wartner doesn't want you to do, that's a violation. before sex i ask my partner, is it okay if i picture the green
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m&m? ( buzzer ) dulce. >> hello. i felt it would be fun to have a woman's perspective on the stealthing thing considering i will probably have to deal with it. >> trevor: yes, definitely. again, the buzzer wasn't necessary. i'm just saying -- but, no, please go ahead. >> i am concerned about this mainly because i have a tendency to sleep with undesirables, the broke -- mainly the broke. so i make a conscious choice to not make people with them because, you know, you can't have the broke shooting the club up because their aim is very good. >> trevor: that's what a lot of people are complaining about. i never heard it phrased that way. >> i'm a christian. >> trevor: yeah, a lot of women have said, yes i liked you, enough to have sex with you, but what you've done now is taken away my choice in this matter because i did not consent to you, a, not just stds but, b, now i might have baby issues.
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what if we're in texas, now i have to have a baby because you took off a condom? >> you tried to take a condom off your ashy dick and didn't ask me. this is something you always have to worry about because if you really want a man to sleep with you, if you're really trying to make people with this man, you're not going to tell him to put one on anyway. >> trevor: i'm learning so many things now. >> i live a wildlife. i'm a nice lady. >> trevor: all right. well, finally, let's do what you probably have been doing with everyone you know for the past two weeks and talk about "squid game." "squid game" is like "the hunger games" if everyone was sadder and older and 1,000 percent more korean. skiing is on track to become the most watched netflix show of all time. pretty wild when you think about it because unless you're korean you have to watch it with subtitles. i never thought the most popular tv show would be a book and
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obviously the popularity isn't just measured in ratings, you can see it in everyday stuff like this. >> the popularity of the new netflix show "squid game" is giving a big time boost to shoes. there's been nearly a 10,000 percent spike in demand for white shoes according to new data, more specifically van's slip-ons. it's believed people are buying these up to craft their halloween costumes. >> trevor: who is looking at all the costumes in the "squid game" and saying, you know what i really need for halloween? those crazy shoes! see how crazy those shoes are? that's what i need. a very practical minded trick or treat, feels like. like some people will look cool in their slutty ghost halloween outfits but when are you going to wear it again? you can wear those shoes all the time, but i'm not surprised. i'm not surprised quigg has become such a popular halloween costume. i mean, everyone wants to pretend just for one night that we're living in a dystopian
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world where people make life or death choices because they're trapped in debt. that's a crazy cool idea. ( ringing ) hello? we are living in that world right now? oh! oh, that's the whole point of the show? oh! oh, now i -- oh, man. yeah, that makes so much sense. yeah. no, totally get it now. totally get it. yeah. i love you, too. bye. ( buzzer ) sorry. >> and i say -- ( language ) i said hello in korean. everybody getting excited about the korean shows you're late. i have been watching korean shows since i was in high school. atlanta, korean drama since 1997. how you see mr. queen? no, have you seen rick arey historian? no. want to wear a rale outfit,
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watch a historical drama, buy an outfit and get your life together. wearing raggedy assed shoes like a broken mobster, stupid. get a pp loan like everybody else if you're in debt and fix your shit! ( laughter ) >> trevor: i don't think that's how p.m. p.p. loans work. >> no? ( laughter ) >> trevor: i don't think i've ever heard anyone being told to get one. >> everybody got it before. why not? looks like they were doing absolutely no research as to if people had businesses snoorntd anyone could claim to have a business. >> yeah. >> trevor: people were just, like, i've got a business. >> right, and they didn't have to submit any type of paperwork. >> trevor: no. buzzer i wish you the best of luck on your game show. >> i'm doing the price is right, and all i needed to practice for the price is right is "one dollar!" >> trevor: i think we both
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still got something from this. >> truly. >> trevor: i enjoyed the surprise. >> gracias. >> trevor: and thank you for put meg on morecine shit ( speaking korean ) >> trevor: let's jump into the covid vaccine. the miracle drug that almost eliminates your risk of death from covid and let dr. fauci record your dreams. let's catch up on the latest news on the vaccine in our ongoing significant vaccination nation. back when the vaccines first came out, demand for them was huge. they were basically harder to find than a republican congressman who admits joe biden won. but not enough people wanted to voluntarily save their lives. so then the problem became how to convince the holdouts to get vaccinated, which is why recently everyone from the federal government to airlines and hospitals have been introducing vaccine mandates. you want to work here? you've got to get the shot.
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but turns out people don't like being told what the do. same reason that when moses first brought down the ten commandments, everybody started coveting people's wives. i wasn't going to covet terry's wife but now that you mentioned her, damn! for everyone who doesn't want to be forced to take the vaccine the governor of texas is on their side. >> governor abbott is going up against president biden issuing an executive order banning covid 19 vaccine mandates. the governor says no entity including private businesses can require the vaccine for employees or customers. in a statement the governor said the vaccine is safe, effective and our best defense against the virus, but should remain voluntary and never forced. >> trevor: okay. that's an interesting tactic. a little weird he knows the vaccine is our best defense but he still wants to let people opt out. we want to give covid a fighting chance. wouldn't be sporting otherwise. you know, it's funny how
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republican governors like abbott always say the government should never tell private businesses how to do thing, and then they do just that when it's in their political interest. like the one friend we have who's like i think we should try and be vegetarian unless it's the popcorn chicken. meat is murder but in this case pass the hot sauce. i'm not going to lie, i've always found it weird governors in america are like mini presidents. this is a strange thing for me coming from another country. the president issues a man date and the guy in charge of a piece of america gets to undo what the president said? can you imagine if a manager at kinkos said, all right, everybody, let's make these copies! then the assistant manager said, no, b, we producing viagra now. you can do that? that's to be for the courts to decide. as it stands in texas, you can't get mandated to have the
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vaccine. here in new york it's the opposite. kyri irving found ut out. he's been refusing to get vaccinated even though that means he wouldn't be able to play in his home arena. so today, the brooklyn nets told him if he doesn't play home games they're not going to b let him play any games. and just guess, just guess how much that's going to cost him? >> now to breaking news involving brooklyn nets car kyri irving. the team decided their point guard will not play or practice until he gets vaccinated for covid 19. irving was last seen at an outdoor practice over the weekend at brooklyn bridge park. he is expected to lose -- get this -- about $380,000 per game if he doesn't get a shot. >> trevor: $380,000 per game! per game! yo, to put that in perspective, it would take elon musk 1.3
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seconds to make that much money. i don't think that worked, actually. yeah, i need to stop measuring things in elon musk. doesn't help. i respect kyri for this. that's how you know he's doing it on principles, willing to lose money because of what he believes. there are some anti-vaxxers who are doing it out of spite, hate fauci and biden, but if you offered them $380,000, they would be snorting that vaccine all day. fauci! funny how quick the nets were to suspend him. any other team would have begged kyri. this takes away all your leverage. what are you doing going do if t play, rely on kevin durant and james harding two of the greatest scorers of all time? yeah. damn! i didn't think of that. now, what's crazy about this is that the vaccine hesitaters are saying there hasn't been enough time with the vaccines, that's
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why they don't want to get them. but it's already been so long that people who got vaccinated early are now getting booster shots. yeah, unvaccinated people are getting lapped right now. and you would think that would motivate them to try to catch up but apparently it is making them more hesitant. >> according to a kaiser survey the confusion over the booster reinforces the unvaccinated population to say, well, unvaccinated. >> one unvaccinated man in ohio told the "times" it seems like such a short time and people already having to get boosters and the the fact they didn't realize it earlier in the rollout shows me there could be other questions that there could out there. >> trevor: okay. you know, if i'm going to be completely honest with you, i can see where many of these people are coming from. just think about it, you told me this was the greatest vaccine of altime, but now ten months later i've got to get a new one? i mean, we expect that from apple, not medicine. at the same time, though,
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there's nothing unusual about needing a vaccine booster, and not just vaccines, everything on earth needs a booster. it's not always a conspiracy theory. nothing lasts forever. sometimes i think these are the same people who would walk in on their family eating dinner and be hold up, hold up! didn't y'all eat yesterday? i'm starting to think this whole food thing is a scam! by the way, it's important to remember vaccine hesitancy is only a problem in the rich countries that have the vaccine. because right now there's countries all over the world who can't afford it and they're looking at the window at the buffet saying, could you please bring me out a french fry and a vaccine? some people have been saying the pharmaceutical companies should share the vaccine formula with developing countries to allow them to produce it more cheaply. today one of those companies moderna responded by saying, and i quote "hell no." >> moderna refusing to share the formula for its covid vaccines
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dismissing calls for the company to do so in order to boost supply in poorer countries. the chairman and co-founder to have the company saying instead of sharing the formula it would be more reliable and efficient for mental disorder to scale production itself. >> trevor: look, man, i get it, moderna is a business and they want to make money themselves, but at least come up with a better excuse, you know, like the vaccine formula is an old family recipe. oh, i would love to give it to you but my grandmother brought it from the old country. the vaccine was invented last year. yeah, my grandmother got here just last year but it's an old family recipe. yeah, it is a business but the product could save millions of lives. you just wish they would want to use their powers for good. imagine if superheroes had the same profit motives as the pharmaceutical companies. the movies would be different. ( screaming )
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>> help me, superman! >> how much money do you have? >> uh, not much? ( screaming ) >> bye. >> trevor: actually, i kind of like that movie. all right, those are all the vaccine updates we have. let's take a quick break. when we come back, michael kosta will learn how to swear. you don't want to miss it.
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♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ "the daily show." americans love free speech, or at least they say they do. but what happens when someone's speech goes too far? well, michael kosta found out. >> freedom of speech, it allows us to say things like my boss is a giant dimple on legs without having to fear any consequences, right? is that right? and sometimes the fight for our first amendment freedoms is fought by the unlikeliest
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heroes. >> my name is andrea dick. back on may the weekend of memorial day weekend that friday, i put flags up, as you can see, that say (~bleep~) biden. >> andrea dick who lives near a school decked her home in profanity-laced signs critical of president biden. after ms. dick was find by the code officer, she took the town to court, lost and appealed. a legal battle that cost both sides thousands of dollars and led to a lot of mean facebook comments. i see six flags, seven if you count the yes i'm a trump girl, get over it. why are these seven signs so important to you. >> because i feel honestly that trump won this election in 2020. i literally think it was totally stolen from him. >> i kind of knew you were a trump supporter because i see you have the bust of his personal lawyer rudy giuliani on
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your front step there. what has biden done to you? >> let me tell youing? , in the last four years -- well, now it's passed, we were making money at my job, everything was going great with, we had -- >> why don't the signs say trump won the election? >> because i can't find anything with the election unless i have it made. >> these weren't printed. >> no. >> where were they printed? >> china. >> the preach was imported from china but how can the mayor joseph cigna reelo, mayor of rowsel park try to silence her. >> try to make sure people are good neighbors especially around children. >> if she post add sign that i had i disagree strongly with joe biden would you have come after her? >> she had pro-trump signs plastered over her house three years which is totally allowable by our local ordinances but the code states you can't have
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explicit or offensive material, a poster or any kind of signage outside of your house. >> trevor: so the issue you have isn't with the message (~bleep~) biden, it's with the actual word (~bleep~). >> yes. it's inappropriate, you know. so you've got curse words in front of little kids, and you've got families that need to explain what the f-bomb means. >> trevor:. >> i've got to be honest, first time i heard the word pleep was from a third grade elementary student. the mayor may be afraid of a at that time expression but ms. dick was determined to keep fighting for the use of her favorite four letter word. >> the judge asked me to take down three to have the signs, anything that had (~bleep~) in it, we wanted me to take down and, of course, i didn't. >> one of the complaints is these kids, these poor elementary school students, they're seeing such profanity here. >> come on, they hear it at the park, they got the trash music
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going. >>. >> trash music like stomp. >> no, when they start cursing. hat rap shit they listen to, okay. >> okay. deejay karen's knowledge of rap music was unexpected but would she be willing to put out a clean version of her signs? how would you feel, in order to protect your neighbors' kids if we hung this one up instead? >> no, i don't want that on my fence. >> why not? >> because i would rather say (~bleep~) biden because that's how i feel about him. why would i lose my first amendment right and give in to them? because i fought it. that's my first amendment right. >> after a local heavy weight lawyer got behind her case mrs. d. won her appeal. what kind of wise guy jersey law shark had she found to represent her? >> the aclu is the american civil liberties union and we serve to defend everybody's constitutional rights regardless of the views they hold and
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regardless of who they are. >> oh, shit! it's the mother (~bleep~) aclu? but why would they take this case? >> we're worried about the implications for everybody else. if you can't say (~bleep~) biden then you won't be able to say (~bleep~) trump. >> the future president. ted cruz. don, jr. ivanka trump. >> that's right. usually in our work, the people that we're representing are disfavored speakers or marginalized groups, "black lives matter" protesters, immigrants rights protesters and we recognize that in order to protect that speech we also need to protect speech we disagree with. >> the f-word plus biden was protected speech but the town's rules were equating the f word to the idea of people f-wording each other. was that also protected? >> the ordinance the city was trying to enforce deals with obscene content, pornography and
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nude at this and things like that but it can't p be attached to something that has political value. the test is about making sure that we are protecting political speech every step of the way. >> so i can't display a video of myself in roseel park having sex that would be an observe obscent a joe biden mask is protected because it's the government? >> you would have to let an expert look at the video before you put it up to determine whether it would violate the law. >> i have the video. do you want to figure it out? >> maybe off camera. >> like my arousing video, mrs. dick's clearly political language was protected by our beloved free speech. the fact you can hang this up and be protected legally is a sign this country is still kicking some (~bleep~) ass. >> i'm still not taking them down till biden is out of
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office, 2024. then you can compaq to me. >> are you being a little bit of a dick? >> if that's what you want to call it, yeah. >> thank you, okay. >> trevor: thank you so much for that, michael. when we come back, the hilarious phoebe robinson will be joining me live in testify side owe. so don't go away.
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they know us so well. who wants a kitty cat? who wants... you want a kitty cat. excuse me. a random sales rep just emailed for the 14th time about an important new offer that has nothing to do with our business. well forget the merger, this is far more important. hey guys! a random sales rep just emailed for the 14th... comedian, actor and bestselling author, phoebe robinson. she's here to talk about her hbo comedy special, her third book of essays, and disrupting the publishing industry. (phoebe robinson interview) wrrchg phoebe, welcome to the show. >> i saw way more impressive through your accent. i said, oh, my god, who's this woman? >> trevor: it's really impressive, even though not in my accent. are you trying to oprah this thing, shandra rimes it? what is the end goal for phoebe
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because it feels like you're mogulling this thing one day at a time. i would love to be the baby of shanda and oprah, a super black baby out here dominating everything. but, no, i have a a lot of fun creating and i learned so much from queens and how much jessica and i were creating a platform for others to get their stuff out there. i want to do more of that. >> trevor: i love how all your books turn into something. your books are great to read. you know what i love about reading your books is they sound like you hanging out with me but on a page. >> yes. >> trevor: this one is no different. “please don't sit on my bed in your outside clothes” . sounds a little bit like something my mom would say to me without the please. my mom wouldn't say please at all. this would be abinstruction. so the book is essays from your life, how you think, how you see the world. i love that part of it is it you just giving us lessons like one of my favorites paraphrases what
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warren buffett hasn't told you, this could be an email, how to be a c.e.o. let's talk a little bit about that. we live in a world where for a long time many black women were, you know, in many ways, restricted to certain roles. you can only do this or that. you can't be running things. slowly, we've seen those things change. it hasn't completely changed but we're seeing the changes that take place. you're one of the success stories. what have you render in a world that wasn't necessarily designed for you but is now in some way shape or form being shaped by you? >> oh, wow, to think i'm shaping anything feels -- i will happy take that compliment, thank you so much. i think all of the industries you're an author to are predominantly white. you get a pushback immediately then once you become more well known the doors open up more. the biggest thing i've taken away from this is don't let anyone's no stop you. i know it's hard to persevere at
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times because you're kind of like, i don't know. i'm trying, i'm not getting anywhere, but i feel like we've always prove b people wrong. that's the biggest thing, don't doubt yourself. don't trust the outside person. i have so many people tell me i'm not funny, i don't have what it takes, so many things. look, i'm across from you with your perfect skin, your perfect 'fro and i'm talking about a book i wrote. that's a win! >> trevor: anybody can write a book. not anyone can become a "new york times" best seller like you have and fewer people can stop their own imprint. i never thought of that. you're going to be the imprint now, "tiny reparations"? greatest thing i've come by, by the way. >> thank you. >> trevor: what's the plan. >> we're publishing three to five books, five next year and five more in 2023. i'm really excited about it. it's literary
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fiction-nonfiction, essay classes, poetry which i'm very jazzed about and i just wanted it to be a place that will make authors feel welcomed and they wouldn't go through what i went through in 2015. only one publisher said yes to me. others said your book won sell, you're not relatable. no one will read a book by funny black women. i uh they did there's no one anyone is saying anything like that on my wife. >> trevor: i have to talk to you about one to have the most exciting moments in a comedian's life is their special. this is phoebe on hbo. just you. what is the balance of nerves versus excitement. >> late night on letterman didn't happen. half hour comedy central didn't happen, one hour hbo.
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so i feel my dream has come true. i was very nervous. it was, like, chris rock and wanda cho. i'm going to be in this group but does it feel like i belong. i put in the hard work. you know how it is, you do your first special, you feel like everything is riding on it because you dreamed about this moment for so long, so i'm really excited. i think people are going to love it. i really wanted it to be light and uplifting during this time because we're so weary and tired and i want people to just laugh for an hour. >> trevor: we're going to watch you turn into a super mogul and we're just going to enjoy it. >> i'm not going to talk to you. i'll be like, trevor who? >> trevor: i'll like that. i'll just wave, hey, it's me, remember the hair! ( laughter ) thanks for being here. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: phoebe's book,
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“please don't sit on my bed in your outside clothes” , available now. her hbo max comedy special, “sorry harriet tubman” will be available october 14th. okay, we're gonna ta baaam. internet that doesn't miss a beat. that's cute, but my internet streams to my ride. adorable, but does yours block malware? nope. -it crushes it. pshh, mine's so fast, no one can catch me. big whoop! mine gives me a 4k streaming box. -for free!
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that's because you all have the same internet. xfinity xfi. so powerful, it keeps one-upping itself. can your internet do that? please consider supporting the national indigenous women's resource center. it's a native-led nonprofit organization dedicated to ending violence against native women and children by offering culturally-grounded resources technical assistance and training, and policy development to strengthen tribal sovereignty. if you want to support them in this work, donate at the link below. until tomorrow -- stay safe out there, get your vaccine, and remember: if your partner tries to pull off his condom midway through sex, staple it to his penis. now, here it is -- your moment of zen. >> $356,000 was spent of your money studying whether or not japanese quail are nor sexually promiscuous on cocaine. shouldn't someone ask whether it
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is wise to spend $300,000 studying japanese quail to see if they are more sexually promiscuous on cocaine? how about the $300,000 we spent on japanese quail. japanese quail -- to see if they're more sexually per mess cues -- on cocaine. the answer is yes! i'm not a foodie. i don't... "oh, this is too rare." "oh, it's too salty." just eat it and shut up. i'll eat anywhere, whatever they're having. i have eaten rolls off of room-service trays in hotel hallways. i have. that's not a joke. this is my life. i don't know. somebody left it. why would somebody poison a roll and leave it in the hallway for some comic coming down at 2:00 in the morning? why would they do that? sometimes, you go to a nice restaurant,
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they put the check in a little book. what is this, the story of the bill? "once upon a time, there were some very hungry people..." what is this? a little gold tassel hanging down... am i graduating from the restaurant? what is this about? ♪ (eerie music) ♪ every halloween, millions of reese's cups just...disappear. don't worry. they're in a better place now. (chuckles mischievously) much better place.
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