if you're running a business, would you want poor people coming in and barely spending any money? no. you'd want rich people who can pay you to cook and clean and dance for them while they laugh at how weird your local outfits are! wait, what? and, honestly, i wish new york would start hand-picking its visitors as well. you know? then we could kick out all those tourists who stop in the middle of every single block to take pictures. you guys never seen a building before? it's a big thing with windows. this is the best picture of the empire state building i've seen. i'm glad you have google. you don't have to stop every single time. it's not something you have to do. >> trevor, trevor, thank you. i want to say thank you. i know you're doing your thing, and i'm not going to interrupt a lot, but the wifi was down at my apartment. so ever since i stopped paying the bill, so i'm just going to pop on here. you work. i work. that's why it's called "we work." okay, thanks. >> trevor: that's not why it's

called we work first of all,. the internet isn't down. the wifi is not down. you didn't pay for it. last and most importantly, i agreed to this because you said you aren't anything to interrupt. >> but that was an excellent take as well. i don't know if you need a little bit of-- i agree with you on backpackers. i don't trust backpackers. think about who uses backpacks-- drug dealers, terrorists, children. three of the worst groups you'd ever want to be in a hotel room or airplane with. so i'm with you. you do your thing. oh, your password, it was so simple, i just changed it to something more secure. i can tell you quick? daiquiri marshmallow camouflage-- three of the most commonly misspelled words. i also misspelledly the words so now nobody can hack in. you do your thing. >> trevor: i feel like i'm going to regret this. let's move on. >> thank you, bro, honestly. last thing i'm say is thank you and i'll keep it down.

( bleep ), this coffee is hot. okay, go ahead. >> trevor: but let's move on, because there's something very weird happening on a street in san francisco. and i'm not talking about that curvy one-- although, that is weird. get your life together, street. you look ridiculous! no, what's happening is san francisco is one of the cities where they're testing self-driving cars. and for some reason, lately, all these cars are getting stuck in the same dead-end street. nobody knows why it's happening, and it's totally freaking people out. > > they come all day, right to the end of 15th avenue, where there is nothing else to do but make some kind of a multi-point turn and head out the way they came in. now, not long after that car is gone, there will be another, which will make the same turn and leave before another car shows up and does the exact same thing. >> there are some days where it can be up to 50. i mean, it's literally every five minutes. >> at several points today, they showed up on top of each other--

these cars, packed with technology, stopping in a queue as if completely baffled by a dead end? >> it's a little bit peculiar! >> trevor: yeah, it's a lot peculiar. i think that's what's happening is pretty obvious-- there's a roomba in one of those apartments and all those robot cars are trying to smash. i don't know why everyone is so upset about this. the thing that everyone wants is for self-driving cars to become just as capable at driving as humans, and now look at them: they're making wrong turns down dead-end streets, just like humans! we did it! this is artificial intelligence! honestly, i don't think it's a coincidence. i don't think it's a coincidence that they keep coming back to a dead end. i mean, to a robot, the whole concept of death must be fascinating. ( robot ) so the road just stops existing? should we do that to the humans?" >> sorry, i have to jump in here, because i'm overhearing, but i actually think these are

dumb robots. they keep going to the dead end. this makes me happy. everyone's afraid of robots taking over the world and killing humans. these robots can't even figure out a street. you know what i mean? this makes me-- humans still got it. that's my take. wooo! that's a hot take, bro! sorry, i'm not going to interrupt too much more. but, you know, everyone says, like, drones and missiles and watch out, they're self-aware. they can't even figure out a dead end, trevor. i don't know who writes this stuff for you, but like, i got word open. you want a pretzel or anything? you good? >> trevor: that was actually a pretty good joke. i'm not going to lie. >> yeah, bro. why do you think i dress this way? i could be in sweats, but i see the way your writers dress ( laughs ) i'm here, bro. camouflage, daiquiri, marshmallow. >> trevor: that's all the time we've got for the heads.

let's move on to our top story. the covid pandemic may be winding down in america-- i hope-- but as society continues to open up again, we're not going back to the way things were before, and for some people that means are thinking their jobs, which is the topic of our latest installment of "getting back to normal-ish." quitting your job is a rite of passage for everyone, whether you're turning in your two-weeks notice because you're going to college, or turning in your two- seconds notice before they find all the printer cartridges you stuffed in your pants. and america just set a new record for how many people are calling it quits. >> it's being called "the great resignation." a record number of americans are telling their bosses, "i quit." >> according to a new labor department report, 4.3 million people quit in august. that's the highest number of people quitting on record dating back to more than 20 years, and

that's up from four million of people who walked away from jobs in june. >> leading the quitters: restaurant, hotel, and retail employees. 892,000 workers in food and accommodations quit in the month, 721,000 employees in retail. workers in state and local government, education also quit by the thousands. >> there are more jobs available now than ever before in u.s. history. >> many businesses are suffering from a major shortage of workers. with the 10.4 million jobs open, employers are scrambling to find help. >> trevor: that's right: more people than ever before are quitting their jobs. restaurant workers are quitting. teachers are quitting. katie couric quit being a journalist. and some of the numbers are crazy. 700,000 people quit retail! which explains why the tjmaxx i went to yesterday looked like it was hit by a tornado. what? oh, it always looks that way? no, the shoes were on the roof! so many workers have left, pretty soon every business is

going to be self-service. you realize you're going to have to make your own food at a restaurant. or give yourself a root canal. or worst, at strip clubs you're going to be dancing in the mirror for yourself. "oh yeah, you like that. i'm gonna give me allll my money. man, the strippers in this club are really sad." by the way, can i ask you as a question, why is everything in america "the great?" you ever think about that? the great depression. the great recession. the great resignation. "the great gatsby." i mean, the dude got shot to death in a swimming pool like a little bitch. what's so great about that? now, you might be wondering why everyone is quitting now. like, people have wanted to quit their jobs since the beginning of time, all the way back to caveman days. the guy who sharpened the stones by hitting them against other stones? he hated that job! he wanted to dance, but, music hadn't been invented yet. but it turns out that there isn't one reason people are

quitting their jobs, because the pandemic has given people a million reasons to quit their job. >> americans are looking for better pay, better working conditions, and more flexible working arrangements. some have elder-care and childcare responsibilities in this pandemic. >> some say they feel burned out after working through a year that had so manychallenges. >> three million to four million people are still saying, "i am fearful for my health, for the health of my loved ones," and, therefore, unwilling to take jobs where the risk of contagion is higher. >> millions of americans worked from home over the last year and will likely quit rather than go back to the office. >> anastasia longed to return to working from home and bravely asked the question: >> well, why can't i have that? like, we did, we did have it. we all worked from home. so why can't i still have that? >> trevor: i mean, yeah, look, you know what, she has a point. for companies that had people work from home during the pandemic, everything seemed fine: they kept making money. they kept making profit.

which really made a lot of people wonder what the point of coming back into the office is.a computer that has the same internet as my computer at home? except everyone here can see when i'm looking at porn?" honestly, i think companies are playing a dangerous game here. if you're telling employees the only time they can work from home is when there's a global pandemic, you're gonna have people trying to start another pandemic. there will be people sneaking into the zoos like: "all right, let's see what happens when i bite this turtle. hmm, nothing. all right, nothing there. guess i better try banging that snake. but it's not just a desire to work from home. there are so many reasons people are quitting their jobs now. some people don't feel safe because of covid. some people don't have childcare. some people are burned out. and some people just want to try their luck in "squid game." it's a lot of money. if you ignore the people who died it's a pretty inspiring

story. but there's another reason people are quitting that i think is the most interesting, because it comes from a deeper, almost philosophical place. >> for a lot of people, the pandemic has changed their minds about life really and what's important. and for some people, that means changing careers. >> a growing number of them are not jumping to a new full- time job, but just taking break. they are saying, "i don't want another full-time job right now. i want to hit pause, maybe learn some new skills, take a breather, and maybe plot a new direction in my career. >> it was a lot of reflection time: "i know what i want out of my career, might as well just make the move." >> 42-year-old dan nikoliescu had spent more than two decades in the restaurant industry. but he says a year home with his wife and two kids changed his perspective. nikoliescu was hoping to trade mixology for mycology, mushroom farming. is there money in mushroom farming?

>> i guess i have to find out ( laughs ) but we can't always pursue the financial side of things. there is no rewind button in life, right? >> trevor: the man that ties women to train tracks is right-- there is more to life than making money. and the pandemic has forced people to reconsider whether their jobs were really how they wanted to spend their entire lives. and not just boring office jobs, either. i mean, this guy was mixing cocktails i'm assuming in the 1800s. and even he wanted to try something new. i'll be honest: i think it's great that people are pursing their dreams, but we need, like, a google doc, or something, to make sure we're balancing things out. think about it. we can't have a society where everybody is pursuing their quirky second careers. i'm all for mushroom farmers, but i still need a proctologist. those m m & ms aren't going to remove themselves. now, obviously, most people won't or can't leave their jobs, so these quitters are a very small minority.

but the quitters are still having a broader impact, because with so many workers willing to leave their jobs, companies are forced to make the jobs more appealing. >> a pandemic-forced power shift: employees gaining the upper hand and making lifestyle demands with employers hoping to keep them happy. >> some companies are changing their policies to adapt to the times, offering more perks and flexibility. >> r.e.i., the apparel retailer gave up their headquarters building in favor of creating satellite offices so that people could go to work but go to work in a smaller office that would be closer to their home. >> linkedin is leaving the office behind for good. the networking website says most of its 16,000 employees will be allowed to work remotely full time. >> the crowdfunding platform kickstarter says it's gearing up to test a four-day work week, the popular dating app bumble closing its offices this entire week to give its staff a break.

>> nike, they just gave a week off to their employees so that their employees can really recharge. >> trevor: yes, finally! finally, people! it's great that companies are starting to be a little more flexible. and you know who deserves the most credit? spirit airlines. they were way ahead of the curve on this. yeah, the guy who cleans their airplanes, he's been working from home for years. and you know what sort of sucks, what sort of sucks about this thing is how it's all the white-collar jobs getting more flexible. i know anyone in any job can get burned out. don't get me wrong. i would love to see the staffs of kickstarter and bumble to explain how they're burned out to a group of coal miners in west virginia. ( bumble ) "we had this one customer who just would not verify his email! i mean, how was your day?" ( coal miner ) "carl died." ( bumble ) "yeah, so, you totally get it." i will say, though, the one company we really can't afford to lose employees is gofundme. they better make the jobs more flexible. we can't have gofundme employees

quitting. american healthcare depends on it! so, look, at the end of the day any time humans experience a massive life change, it change what they expect from their work. the changes could be anything-- having a kid, getting divorced, losing a loved one. and the pandemic has done that to everyone. hell, it's even happened to me. like, i thought i was gonna host "the daily show" forever, but now i don't know. i heard there's a job opening for a guy with a badass mustache to make cocktails and i think i might be interested. all right, when we come back, john legend is joining us on the show, and we'll figure out the best way to offend aliens. >> john legend, that guy is still the legend. >> trevor: are you still here? >> i'm enjoying the show. you do a good job at this man. >> trevor: thanks. can we get him out before john legend comes in here. >> do you have a charger in your

office. >> trevor: i don't have anything. >> do you have a toilet in your office. >> trevor: yeah, you can use it. >> you know what i mean? >> trevor: yeah, just go. >> i'll tak ♪♪ ♪♪

♪♪

time during class, and i tell her don't talk to him, and it's like... uhh. ew.

give me a minute. >> trevor: i don't know if you heard the story,

demi levato was doing an interview, and she said that we need to stop using the word "aliens" when talking about aliens. like, not immigrants-- actual aliens from outer space. because demi said it's derogatory, so we should just call them e.t.s, extraterrestrials. and it was interesting, because a lot of people-- a lot of people agreed. "yeah, that's a good point. we don't want to offend the people." i don't know, here's the thing. first of all, i love-- i love demi. i have always thought that demi is one of easily the best artists you will ever see perform and just a great talent, you know. and i understand what they're trying to do. but i almost feel like-- i don't know, people want to be sensitive, but then some of the things they want to be sensitive about-- like, aliens. i understand. you want to be respective to aliens. don't get me wrong. i mean, we've all seen "independence day": when aliens cancel you, they really

cancel you. but sometimes i think people are just changing words for the sake of changing words. thank you, john. like how the acceptable terms for "homeless" has now become "unhoused." am i crazy? it seems like the same thing. it's almost like people think if they make the term clunky enough, people will just stop saying it, and then homelessness will be solved-- sorry, i mean "unhousedlessness." and i know this comes from a good place, and maybe we have to try, but i think we have to acknowledge that new words by themselves aren't going to solve problems. do you know what i mean? like, way back in the day, way back in the day, people with developmental disabilities used to be called "feeble minded." that's what they were called. then doctors said, "that's offensive. we need a new word,"

so they came up with "moron." and they said moron. and then they said no, that's offensive. they're not morons. they just develop slowly. they're retarded. and then special became the new word, and then that became offensive. and i learned the other day, when school kids are trying to insult each other, they say, "d.d. look at this d.d. kid for developmentally disabled. at some point, we have to admit that the real problem isn't the words. it's how we treat the people who the words refer to. that's the actual thing. if you want to be assholes to certain groups they'll keep finding a nigh word for the thing. and it's like, yeah, you want to change it-- i don't know, with aliens, i think sometimes people feel powerless to make actual changes so they invest all their

energy in making small changes they can see. americans see homeless people and think the government is too broke to give people houses but the least i can do is give them another name. it's unhoused. my name is peter. i'm not trying to get to know you. i'm trying to make myself feel better your situation. and, no, i don't have any money. would aliens, would they even speak the language? like, even-- because you go, like, we're going toed on aliens. this is assuming the aliens speak the language. if the aliens are smart enough to get here, they know all our language and would understand it, or how did they get here? this is rapidom aliens. and you would be like you are extraterrestrial. and they say we're glob, glob. excuse me. glob, glob. what's e.t.? you have never seen the movie? and we will play the movie

"e.t." for them. and talk about being canceled. they'll say, "that's what you thought we looked like. why do we talk like that? "e.t. phone home." they were like we were going to talk to you guys but now we might just burn you all down. why did you put us in the front-- why didn't we have our own bicycles? yeah, we thought it was cuter like this. we just thought it was cute. i don't know, i get it. i understand it. here's the thing for me, here's the thing. i'm not saying we shouldn't try as people. but i do think we've knot to be careful of being instantly prescriptive for other people to take on an idea that we've just sort of made for ourselves now. did you get what i'm saying? like, you can't just say something is off offensive out f nowhere, and say people are being offended-- people have to catch-- language has to change. people have to catch up. it's weird for me. please, don't get me wrong.

again, i have nothing against demi. i think demi knows this, but i think when we have these conversations in public-- it's not just there. there are so many stories where people say, "you're a bad person." no, you just told me a new rule. give me a moment to catch up to it. that's-- that's all i think. anyway, john legend is up next, right? i'll talk to him about this. go inside! it's not safe to be out! go! [ eerie music playing ] happy halloween michael. [ screaming ] don't settle for products that give you a sort-of white smile. try crest whitening emulsions... ...for 100% whiter teeth. its highly active peroxide droplets...

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don't worry. they're in a better place now. (chuckles mischievously) much better place. "the "daily show"." my guest tonight is egot-winning artist and activist, john legend. he's here to talk about his brand-new initiative that works with local governments and communities to fight institutionalized racism. john legend, welcome to the show. >> trevor! it's going to be back. >> trevor: how you doing, my friend? >> i'm doing very well. >> trevor: it's good to see you. i was thinking about this today when i was preparing for the interview. and i was like you have 12 grammys. >> yes. >> trevor: you have an oscar. you have, what, two emmys? >> yes. >> trevor: and you have a tony. and you have the oscar that they took away from you as well. >> well, that was never mine to

begin with. ( laughter ) i was never going to actually get a trophy for that because they only give it to three producers when you win. i was never going to get that. i was up on stage and i was shocked just like everyone else when it went down. you remember it? >> trevor: oh, i remember it. >> "la-la land gets called out," they call us up on stage. they were confused, too, because they had the wrong card. and they were looking at it like, "this is not the best picture, but it is an actor's name from what everyone thinks is going to win best picture. they said, "okay, we'll just say la-la land." they brought us up on stage, and it turns out we never won to begin with. >> trevor: what sticks in your memory more, winning your first oscar or having your first oscar moment taken-- what do you remember more? >> winning my first oscar. that was monumental. we performed request the glory,"

me and common and it was such a moment and we knew how important it was for us to win one behalf of that film and what that film represented and for us to get up there and be able to give a speech on behalf of the movement. it was a powerful moment. so i'll never forget that. but i'll also never forget about la la land. >> trevor: over the past 10, 15 years, we've noticed john legend shift from being john legend just on the keys, to john legend out on the streets. we have seen john legend fighting for incarcerated people to not spend time behind bars because they can't make bail. we've seen john legend fighting for voting rights. this shift has become more over time, in a good way. i'd love to know how that came from. how do you go from singing love songs to, "i'm going to get out in the streets and fight for these things." >> it came from the artists i

looked up to, nina simone, stevie wonder, marvin gay, who used their platform to tell the world what was going on, not just in their music but going out there and funding protests, like harry belafonte used to do-- marching with people like they used to do, singing at the protests. these were artists i looked up to. when i was 15 i wrote an essay, a black history month essay competition -- >> i wondered if this was true. >> it's true. i wrote this when i was 15. and they said, "how are you going to make this in 500 words or less?" i said, "i'm going to become a successful artist. i'm going to become a musician and do what i love, which is making music. but i'm also going to use the platform i gained from becoming a successful musician to try to make change in the world. >> trevor: it's such an interesting journey to get into. 15 saying i'm going to become a successful recording artist and not just for the music or fame,

but to use the platform. that's what you've done. your latest initiative, "humanlevel," it's a really interesting one. for a long time, people have argued many people who are activists or many people who want to get involved in politics like to get involved at flashy levels-- who is running for president? who is governor? who is going for this? who is going for that? "humanlevel" seems like no, it's on the ground. it's not flashy. and you argue it's what actually counts. >> it's in the trenches. and i joked with our cofounders we have to make local government sexy. because what really happens and where resources get allocated, where priorities are set, you know, we notice a big bill that came out of washington. but even though big bills, a lot of the times the resource allocation happens on the local level. so we want voices in the room who are saying, "let's look out for people who have been marginalized, people who have been ignored before." >> trevor: you see these stories come up all the time. obviously, flint was the most famous. recently we have seen it again

where you get underprivileged communities, oftentimes black communities, lead pipes are poisoning their water. >> yes. >> trevor: a lot of the times people don't seem to understand where that comes from. the governor needs to do something. the president needs to do something. for people who completely don't understand, they go, "john legend, what are you talking about?" what is an example of something that people don't realize is decided on this ground lel. >> michigan i think was mostly a state issue. it was the governor and their staff deciding how they were going to handle a water issue in flint, and it had disastrous repercussions for the city of flint. there are so many decisions -- for instance, so many people have been protesting about policing and the criminal justice system. so many of those decisions about how we police, who we police, how it's funded and what we take the funds away from when we fund the police, all those decisions are usually made on a city council mayoral level. you saw so many protesters calling to defund the police or to allocate some of those resources that we've been

spending on police to other things that would care for the mental health and the physical health of the community, invest in the community in other ways. but how do you actually go about doing that? that happens in local government. >> trevor: for a long time, artists were people who were just artists. you saw what they were doing when they wanted you to see it. and then slowly over time, you know, people stepped out of that. they said, "i'm not just going to be the artist. i'll also live life and speak out for the issues i believe in." i have been interested how you have also shared some of the best and worst moments of your person life as a human being. >> yeah. >> trevor: i know a lot of people don't understand it. i know you have had people who have been against you and your wife sharing issues that you've gone through and whatever. but i'd love to know as a human being, why have you chosen as john legend, to go, "i'm not just going to show you the stadiums and the activism. i'm going to show you some of the most painful moments will of my private life." >> this is a whole new world.

artists didn't have social media 20 years ago. there is no blueprint for how this is supposed to happen. >> trevor: definitely. >> our generation has kind of grown into social media, knowing that we have the ability to tell our own stories to our audiences. and chrissy and i, we don't share everything, but we do share some of our personal lives and some of the tragedy that we've experienced. and we experienced a miscarriage last year. >> trevor: right. >> and it was really tough. but one of the most powerful aspects about it was knowing that us sharing it made other people feel more comfortable talking about it. >> trevor: right. >> because so many families have gone through this, so many women have gone through this. and they felt seen. they felt heard. they felt val daylighted in their own experience by seeing someone with such a huge platform talk about hers. >> trevor: before i let you go, if people want to get involved in the new initiative, if people want to take action, if people want to get involved, as you say, the grass-roots

movements that will change how their cities work, what can they do? how can they help "humanlevel." >> they can visit our web site, humanlevel.org. we describe the fellows we're working with and the cities we're working with and folks can get involved. we want people to get involved and realize how much the local leaders matter in your community. if you don't want to get involved in actual actually doing that kind of work, at least pay attention to what's happening in local elections. because the folks on the other side are definitely doing that. they're going to school board meetings. they're making sure elections officials are changing in those communities. we need to also-- voices for inclusion, voices for progressive values need to also be concerned about what's happening locally, because so much of that impacts our daily lives. >> trevor: as always, my friend it's a pleasure having you on the show. >> thank you! >> trevor: "ain't too proud" returns to broadway on october

16 and this man is part of the team putting this on. for more information on john's new initiative, go to the website below. okay, we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after thour show for

tonight. but before we go: if you're in

washington d.c. or philadelphia this weekend, my "back to abnormal" comedy tour is going to be in your city. head to backtoabnormaltour.com to get your tickets. until next week, stay safe out there, get your vaccine, and remember: if you're the last one left at your job, technically now you're the boss. stay and give yourself a raise. now, here it is, your moment of zen. >> he is going to be out here every monday and wednesday skateboarding with everyone and trying his best to basically show them exactly what to do. as far as chandler skate park, that will be done in the next 10 days or so. victor williams, local 4. >> victor, you are so cool! he is so cool! - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪

both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ [cat meows] - no, kitty! these are my spicy hot louisiana baked chicken tenders! [cat meows] no, kitty! - someday i will collect all the chinpokomon! then, i will fight the evil power that will reveal itself once all the chinpokomon are collected! oh! [cat meows] - no, kitty! you can't have these chicken tenders, because they are mine, and i keep mine to myself! oh! - be sure to tune in tomorrow for another inexplicable episode of chinpokomon! - hurray! - hey, kids! do you love chinpokomon? - yes! - well, now you can buy your very own! - ♪ i've got to buy chinpokomon ♪ ♪ i've got to buy it, i've got to buy it ♪ - now, you can collect them all! furrycat! donkeytron! pengon! shoe! lambtron! collect them all, and you can become royal crown chinpokomaster! - royal crown chinpokomaster? holy [bleep]!

- all the chinpokomon are in stores now! - chinpokomon is super universe toy number one! - ♪ i've got to buy it, chinpokomon ♪ - mom! mom! mom! seriously! this thing at the toy store, mom! hnya! must go! toy store! - eric! calm down! - but seriously! mom! must go! must buy! - what is it, eric? - mom, i've only just heard! they're making chinpokomon dolls mom! you can collect them all! you can collect them all! mother, quick! we must get to the toy store! - i'm making us some lunch right now, eric! - but, mom, i have to get a chinpokomon doll before everybody else does, 'cause then i'll be cool. - can't it wait till tomorrow, hon? - but, mom, i have to get the first one or else people won't think i'm cool! - all right. let's go. - sweet! everybody's gonna be so jealous when they see my chinpokomon! [kids chattering] oh! god damn it! - hey, fatass! - hey, dickhole! i guess you saw the commercial too! - yep! i've got roostor, lambtron, and shoe! - well, that's nice! but, i'm gonna get a pengon! he's the coolest!

god damn it! there's no more pengons! kenny! pengon is my favorite! that's the last one! let me have it! - mm-mm. - mnya, kenny! let me have it! mnya! mnya! gimme pengon! mnya! - honestly, i don't see what they find so amusing about those things. - they're so strange. where are they from? - well, it's some new big thing from japan. i tell ya, those japanese really know how to market to kids. - i've got to collect all chinpokomon! i've got to collect them all so i can become royal crown chinpokomaster, oh! - order chinpokomon, and you will have happy feelings! - i have to become royal crown chinpokomaster! all: must collect chinpokomon! - okay, kenny! i'll trade you my chuchunesbi for your pengon! - [mumbles] - god damn it! you're supposed to trade! little asshole! gimme pengon! - hey, dudes. what're those? - what're these? they're chinpokomon. - huh? - you don't appear to have any chinpokomon. - no, but look. i just got this sweet cyborg bill doll. - oh, please. cyborg bill is so yesterday. -yeah, like ancient history. - cyborg bill isn't cool anymore? -no, dude. - cyborg bill hasn't been cool for a long time, kyle. - why the hell don't people tell me these things?

- it's all chinpokomon, now. - dude, if you collect chinpokomon, you can complete the primary main objective. - what's the primary main objective? - you don't even know what the primary main objective is? - the primary main objective is to destroy the evil power. - well, what's the evil power? - oh, my god. the identity of the evil power won't be revealed until all chinpokomon are collected by a royal crown chinpokomaster. - what? - duh! - god, get with the times, dude. - duh! - [bleep]. - yeah, i guess so. - mom. dad. can i have money to buy chinpokomon? - what's a chinpokomon? - i'm not sure. - well, why do you need one? - i don't know. - well then, the answer is no, kyle. you just got money to buy your cyborg bill doll. - yeah, but cyborg bill is totally gay now. please, mom. everybody else has chinpokomon. - well, kyle, that's not a reason to buy something. - yeah, kyle. don't. - you see, son, fads come and go. and this chinpokomon is obviously nothing more than a fad. you don't have to be a part of it. in fact, you can even make an even stronger statement by saying to your peers, "i'm not going to be a part of this fad, because i'm an individual." do you understand? - yes. yes, i do, dad. now, let me tell you how it works in the real world. in the real world, i can either get a chinpokomon,

or i can be the only kid without one, which singles me out and causes the other kids to make fun of me and kick my ass. - hm. good point. here's $10. -thanks. - wait. here's 20. get one for your brother too. - [babbling] - there you go, son. i honestly don't know what you see in these things. - neither do i. - guess i'll call it a night. - chinpoko. buy me. buy me. when will you become royal chinpokomaster? [squeaks] hurry up and buy me. [squeaks] down with america. - what? - i love you. let's be best friends and destroy the capitalist american government. - what the hell is going on here? - hey, you guys, check out my sweet chinpokomon doll. - oh, please, chinpokomon dolls are so last week. - what? - yeah, dude. don't you know? it's all about the chinpokomon video game now. did you bring your special chinpokomon game controller? - huh? no. - oh. you didn't get a special chinpokomon game controller? [laughs] jesus christ.

- chinpokomon. what is primary objective? all: to destroy the evil power. - i've got to buy all the chinpokomon so i can destroy the evil power, oh! all: oh! - damn it. - i've got to buy them all. so first, i'd better go to hawaii and visit pearl harbor. - try to bomb the harbor. ready? go. [grunting] - i must collect them all. i must buy them all. all: we must buy them all. - try to bomb the harbor. - [mumbling] - dude, the video game gave kenny a seizure. - dude, this game rules. - hello? hello? - welcome to chinpokomon toy corporation. please state name. - red harris. i own a toy store in america. - please state purpose. - uh, i want to know what the hell you people

are doing with these dolls talking about bringing down american government and all. - i am president hirohito, and this is mr. hosek. - pleased to meet you. - we understand you have big concern about our fine product. - well, yes, do you mind telling me what the hell this is about? - the american government lies to you. join the fight for japanese supremacy of the world. more to come. well? - uh... - that is so strange. i do not know how this could happen. but rest assured, i will make sure it does not happen again. - well, now come on. i don't think that that quite satisfies my-- - you are american? - yes. - oh, you must have very big penis. - excuse me? i was just asking you what you're up to with these toys. - nothing. we are very simple people with very small penis. mr. hosek's penis is especially small. - [giggles] so small. - we cannot achieve much with so small penis.