that's how i felt, the spaghetti was loving and it killed. my favorite emoji is the praying hands one. i think it's the most versatile. you can use it for anything, like, "hey, girl, you up?" you know what i mean? you can be like, "hey, i heard your grandmother passed away,," you know. "yeah, shum?" of >> announcer: coming to you from the heart of times square, in new york, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight: this is "the daily show with trevor noah." >> trevor: hey, what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. let's jump right into today's headlines. we kick things off with

omicron, the worst transformer ever. the first case was discovered here in the united states. >> we do begin this hour with breaking news on the pandemic. the second confirmed case of the omicron variant in the united states has just been confirmed, this one in minnesota. we don't know much about the patient yet except that they had only traveled domestically. >> health officials say that the man developed mild symptoms on november 22 after going to an anime convention in new york city. 53,000 people attended that event between november 19th and the 21st. >> well, now the city wants those attendees to get a covid test immediately, wear face masks, and practice social distancing, until they get their test results back. >> trevor: that's right, one of the first u.s. cases of the new covid variant may be an adult man who attended an anime convention. i mean, which is good. at least we know that it's not transmitted via eye contact. no, i'm kidding, i love anime. honestly, i do.

in fact, when i heard about this, i wondered if the guy got infected in anime style. "ahhh, it's omicron! its power is stronger than any other variant i've ever seen. it's got so many spikes! i should have gotten a booster shot! if i don't breathe, maybe i can survive!" ooooo! oooo! >> trevor: but people, please remember this, please remember this, we shipment be surprised when we find more and more cases. omicron is like those microscopic bugs that live in your eyelashes: even if you don't see them, you know they're there, laughing at you about all the spiders that crawl into your mouth while you sleep. also don't forget, don't forget this, we have no idea if omicron is actually that bad. we don't know if it might spread more easily. we don't know if it will be more deadly. it's too early to know.

you have to stick with it the first couple of weeks and see where it goes. but let's move from covid to america's other national passtime-- baseball: the only sport you can think about to yourself to stop from orgasming. sorry, hockey. you sexy. in some ways, being a baseball player is unlike any job in the world. i mean, for one thing, if your entire office got into a brawl, you wouldn't go back to work five minutes later like nothing happened. but, also, being a baseball player is still a job, which means that sometimes they get into disagreements with their bosses. and now, one of those disagreements has shut down the entire league. >> breaking news from the world of sports overnight. for the first time in more than 25 years, major league baseball is now in a work stoppage, owners locking out players after months of failed talks toward a new labor contract. >> the biggest economic issues right now between m.l.b. and the union have to do with when players become free agents and how much they get paid.

>> the players association wants young stars to get paid sooner and not be restricted to teams for the first six years of their career. >> the lockout freezes all league business until an agreement is reached. that means no trades, no more free agent signings, and no players are allowed inside club facilities. and if you go to mlb.com or your favorite team's website, you're going to notice all images and videos of players have been completely removed. >> trevor: they took all the players' photos off the m.l.b. website. you know who's feeling great about this right now? anyone who collects baseball cards: "well, well, well. you guys said there's no reason for me to have a photo of albert pujols, but now i'm the only guy who knows what he looks like!" ha-ha-ha. this is all happening in the off season so there's plenty of time to work out their differences before the season starts. it's like a haunted house owner getting tough with the employees in july. it doesn't really matter.

and you know they're going to work something out, because both sides need each other. m.l.b. can't go out and hire rg people we saw how that turned out with 50 cent. and baseball players have no skills that translate to other jobs: "i'm looking for a position where i can stand around doing nothing for most of the day, but then, every 20 minutes, something comes at my head really fast. also, i want to be able to slap anyone's ass whenever i like. story. germany: the country whose idea a good time is cabbage. for nearly two decades, germany has been lead by just one person, but today, she said her final auf wiedersehen. >> she is arguably the most powerful woman in the world, but now, after 16 years at the helm of one of the world's largest economies, angela merkel is leaving germany's highest office. and the stakes couldn't be higher.

who will provide the stability and economic success she has overseen? >> you know who really finds it hard to imagine german politics after this election? generation merkel, germans who've never known another prime minister their whole young lives. >> they call her mutti, or mom. now, as mutti is leaving the chancellery, germany is out of its comfort zone. >> she leaves by choice, still enjoying a remarkable 70% approval rating. >> as her 16-year tenure as chancellor comes to a close, germany celebrated her time in office with a traditional military ceremony. >> trevor: yo,s what the ( bleep ). am i the only one who picked up the nazi vibes. you better stop before you reach poland. we're watching you. they're like, "we do this all the time." no you don't. tol give you some perspective on how long that is, when merkel

first became chancellor, pharrell williams looked like this. and now that she's leaving he looked like this. that wasn't helpful but a lot of time has passed. and what's really remarkable is that after all that time, she still has a 70% approval rating. usually, the only time a world leader leaves with that high of an approval rating, it's because they killed everyone that didn't approve. in fact, i feel bad for the chancellor who has to replace her and win over all the kids who have only known angela their lives. it's like they're getting a new stepdad. ( teenager ) "you can't tell me what to do! you're not my real chancellor!" ( stepdad ) "i know i can never replace your chancellor, but maybe, just maybe, i can be your friend." now, through her 16 years in power, merkel has never been the type of leader to try and grab headlines, never. in fact, you might be watching this right now realizing that even though she's been around as long as "grey's anatomy," you don't really know that much about her.

like, where did she come from? and why is everyone so freaked out about her leaving? well, let's find out in another installment of: "if you don't know, now you know." ♪ ♪ ♪ angela merkel has been one of the most powerful and influential people on the planet for a long time now. she was even "time's "person of the year" in 2015, which is impressive considering that was the year neil armstrong walked on the moon. i think? i don't really know. the pandemic has warped my sense of time. and this is something that, early in her career, nobody would have seen coming, because when she started out in politics, she was underestimated by everybody. >> the fall of the berlin wall led to the rise of her political career, a shy figure thrown into the spotlight, this mousy figure who blushed readily and was mocked as the milkmaid. >> merkel had an astonishing rise through german politics

because her mentor, the long-serving chancellor helmut kohl, had pragmatically needed a woman and someone from the former east germany in his cabinet. but the political novice revealed both a politically lethal streak and a capacity to outplay her male rivals. >> she had a knack for toppling those who underestimated her. her mentor, the formidable chancellor helmut kohl, used to tease her for her provincial manners. and, yet, within a decade, she was calling for his resignation as he faced allegations of corruption. by 2005, she'd become the country's first female chancellor. >> ( translated ): who would have thought the highest office would go to a woman so soon?" ( applause ) >> trevor: yeah, germany elected a female leader long before america did. that's no surprise. germans have always embraced diversity. you could look back at the last, say, 76 and a half years of german history and you could see that that's true.

and her rise is especially unexpected considering how little people thought of her when she started. i mean, to be the butt of jokes from her peers, that must have hurt, especially because germans only make one joke a year, and they saved it for her: "okay, milkmaid, that was funny, yah? ha-ha-ha. milkmaid. okay, no more laughing! back to work!" but if there's one thing we've learned from movies, it's that you should never underestimate the shy, mousy woman. i mean, "she's all that," "the devil wears prada," "the blair witch"-- they all ended up winning. here's the thing though: long after she established herself as a global force, merkel still had to contend with fellow world leaders who didn't treat her like an equal. and, coincidentally, they were all dudes. >> berlusconi arrived at a summit with his cell phone plastered to his ear, leaving his hostess, german chancellor angela merkel, on hold. chancellor merkel greeted other leaders and waited. after about eight and a half minutes, she gave up and left.

>> she managed to reset germany's relationship with george w. bush. but bush's warmth and respect often came off as cloying. the moment that seemed to sum up their odd couple relationship, bush's over-friendly backrub at a st. petersburg summit. if president bush could be too touchy, president trump famously refused to even shake merkel's hand. >> several years ago, putin brought a large dog to a meeting with merkel, apparently wanting to test her, knowing she has a fear of dogs. she was terrified, says one analyst, but didn't flinch. >> she was still able to joke about it, in fluent russian." >> trevor: goddamn i like dogs that that dog scared me. it's like an evil clifford.

as for trump, a lot of people blamed him. he department want to shake hands with her, no, he just learned his lesson. he reaches his hand out and he doesn't know what it will grab. i can't control it, folks. for real the way these leaders treated her is embarrassing. imagine being the head of one of the most politically powerful countries in the world, and still, everyone's treating you like you're an episode of "mad men." and you can't even really do anything about it, because there's no h.r. for world leaders. what are you going to do, tell the u.n. that someone rubbed your shoulders? they don't even do anything when there's a genocide. ( u.n. official ) "we're going to issue a forceful statement. what? it was vetoed. well, we tried. next up, climate change. what? vetoed as well. we tried." luckily, as a german, merkel wasn't fazed by sausage-fests. but even more importantly, she faced down crisis after crisis and got germany and europe through to the other side. >> many in europe saw merkel as a steady hand in times of crisis.

>> in critical moments, angela was that lady, that madame who intervened and helped us to find the solution. >> angela merkel, lauded as a bulwark of europe, helping save it from imploding during the 2009 debt crisis. >> angela merkel, for 16 years, has kept the country in kind of a bubble. all those turmoils in the world was spared to the germans. there was no economic slump. there was nothing. >> she calmed one of the major military crises we had in ukraine with negotiating a cease-fire with russia. >> merkel showed her resolve in 2015 when she allowed more than a million refugees, most fleeing from syria's civil war, to cross into germany. it was later heavily criticized by those who believe germany was overburdened. merkel's answer to her critics was "wir schaffen das." "we can manage." >> merkel was originally planning to step down in 2017 but thought better of it after a populist was elected president. >> merkel conferred with outgoing president obama about the decision to run for another

term, something she now felt compelled to do because of trump. at the end of their final meeting together, the president remembered, "a single tear appearing in her eyes." the president later saying, "angela, she's all alone." >> trevor: you gotta feel for merkel. because trump won, she felt she had to stick around way longer than she wanted. no one could understand what that's like, except for melania. and that just goes to show how insane it was that trump got elected. like, if you get a job, and someone all the way in germany is like "o mein got, zis certainly changes my life plans," that is saying something about you. and what it says is trump is terrifying! but, in a way, also inspirational. i mean, he inspired merkel to run. he inspired biden to run. he inspired mike pence to run away from the trump supporters who were trying to hang him. "please don't. mother says we save that for my

birthdays." but this is why germany and the rest of europe are a little freaked out about not having merkel around anymore. whatever the crisis was-- whether it was about refugees or the economy or a crisis of democracy-- she was the calm and stabilizing force that kept everything from falling apart. she's like the cardi b feature on any rap song. no matter how bad the beat or the other rappers, you know cardi b is gonna bring the fire and save that song. like, if cardi b featured on the national anthem, even colin kaepernick would be like, "all right, i gotta stand for this part." ♪ home of the brave ♪ so, chancellor merkel, congratulations on a long career of being europe's designated driver. you kept things stable, you stood up for democracy, and you never once appeared even once on jeffrey epstein's flight logs. that's really hard for a world leader to pull off. so, after 16 years of holding the global system together, you deserve to relax. take a load off and go get a massage-- a massage you actually want this time. all right, when we come back, we'll look at the power couples of 2021. of 2021. you don't wanna miss it.

♪ ♪ ♪ (sha bop sha bop) ♪ ♪ are the stars out tonight? (sha bop sha bop) ♪ ♪ ♪ alexa, play our favorite song again. ok. ♪ i only have eyes for you ♪ we've been waiting all year to come together. it worked! happy holidays from lexus. get 1.9% apr financing on the 2022 es 350. ♪♪

daily show." 2021 is almost over, and we can all agree that, compared to last year, it's been a perfect year. so for the rest of the month, we'll be remembering all of its best moment in our year-end segment: "a look back at 2021: the least bad year of the last two years." tonight, desi lydic looks back at the power couples of 2021. ♪ ♪ ♪

>> if 2020 was the year of being cooped up alone, then 2021 was the year of blossoming romance. and not just for boring average people. i'm talking about celebrities, the people stalk on the internt and sometimes in real life. not all celebrity pairs are created equal, so let's count down the best of the year in "desi lydic's 2021 power couple countdown." coming in at number 5 is number 2.0, specifically, benifer 2.0. >> ben affleck has reportedly rekundled his romance with jennifer lopez. >> back 17 years after the a-listers called off their engagement. >> the couple in st. two pay, franz, celebrating jennifer's

52nd birthday on a yacht. >> what the hell? she's 52? years? i didn't look that young at 52 months. what the ( bleep ) is she eating? it is so great to see ben and jen back together. ben is now the most important person in her life aside from that witch who cast a spell to keep her young forever. goddamn it, j lo, give me her number. this couple would have been higher on my list but i hate the no benifer. and really nothing is more exciting than rekindling a relationship from 17 years ago. in fact, i'm going to try that, too. ♪ ♪ ♪ yes, hi. is matt there? it's desi. he and i dated back in 2004.

sufficiency, uh, a pretty spicy summer. oh, he did? i'm so sorry for your loss. well, i guess i can kiss my af-pez dreams good-bye. power couple number four, it's it's megan fox and machine gun kelly. they're one of my favorite couples of 2021 because they like to make-a-the intercourse-a. >> have have been on social media you might have noticed that megan fox and machine gun kelly can't keep their hands off each other. >> megan says on her instagram their sex life is so explosive it would basically make the devil blush. >> damn! these two are so hot, they had an entire meeting about them at cop26. you gotta love how these two just put it out there in 2021. the masks came off.

the tongues came out. then the masks came back on again because of delta but the tongue stayed out so the mask got all wet. it was gross. 2021's number three most powerful couple isn't a couple but a throuple. that's right, i'm talking prince harry, meghan markle, and oprah. >> prince harry and meghan markle's historic and groundbreakings interview with the one and the only oprah winfrey. to call it reveal would be an understatement. the couple lobbed shock after shock. it seemed just when you thought it couldn't get any more shocking it did. >> were you silent or were you silenced? >> the latter. >> meghan telling oprah there was concern over baby archie's skin color. >> concerns and conversations about how dark his skin might be when he's born. >> what? >> what? this was the most intense

conversation i have ever seen happen on patio furniture. and my parents told me they were getting a divorce in a hammock. and although this relationship only lasted as long as the interview itself, the world will always have the memes to remember it by. i, however, have something else to remember it by. i snuck on the set and stole the table plant. ow. at number two, we've got a couple so powerful, they don't even need to be together. joe manchion and kriforten sinema. sometimes love is deeply passionate but other times unapologetically moderate. >> all eyes are watching the two hold-out democracy senators, joe manchin and kyrsten sinema. >> they hold the keys in the 50-50 senate. >> manchin opposes spending. sinema opposes taxes. they're the number one power couple in washington, d.c.

today. >> that's right, everyone was talking about these two senate sweethearts because they love grinding... everything to a halt. and these two really proved that opposites attract. he's an old west virginia man. she's a business katie perry from arizona. he's from blue-collar coal country. she wore a blue collar on that denim vest for some reason. but they came together over their shared love of tantric legislating. no matter how much you beg for clean energy subsidies, a wealth tax, or paid family leave, these "build back" blockers can make negotiations last all year long. mmm. so thanks to these two,s americans don't have paid leave. but i'll tell you what, you can't pay me any amount of money to leave this studio ( laughs ) they have me chained to the set.

and finally, coming to you from halfway around the dplob my number one power couple of 2021: the sueez canal and that huge container ship that got stuck in it. everyone in the world was wanting these two to break up. and guess what? that only made it hotter. for six and a half days, they just kept at it. p.d.a. alert-- turns out they like when people watch. now, let's take a closer look at these two love birds, and just a warning-- you should take the kid out of the room because this might get a little graphic. ooo! these two really put the anal in c-anal. that's a sexy way of pronouncing canal. sadly, they have been separated for a few months now, but it leaves the world asking is there still unfinished business between these two? who could possibly fill that canal's void?

ah, pete davidson, of course. he really does have that big ship energy. mmm. well, thanks for joining me. that's it for "pa "desi lydic'1 power couple countdown." if you'll excuse me, i'm going to make a deal with that witch. who needs a soul if you can have abs like that at 52. holy shit. guys! oh! oh, come on! >> trevor: thank you so much, desi. all right, when we come back, the star of the hit show "love life," william jackson harper, will be joining me right here in will be joining me right here in the studio.

huh. is that true? geico's been saving folks money for 85 years? yeah, that's right. wait — so if geico's 85, that makes you — are you asking if i'm 85 years old? i mean sea turtles live to 150, so...nn — i — i was not. do i look 85? what! no! you, you look young, fff...you...you, you look young for...however old you are. geico. saving people money for 85 years.

♪ this holiday, let them shine like never before.

♪ ♪ ♪ this is how we shine. ♪ find the perfect gift at zales. the diamond store. we've been waiting all year to come together. ♪♪ happy holidays from lexus. get $1500 lease cash toward a 2022 rx 350. ♪♪ >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is emmy-nominated actor william jackson harper. he's here to talk about starring in the second season of the hbo max anthology series, "love life." >> i gotta go to sleep. >> good night. >> good night. >> unless you want to have sex. >> oh!

yeah! yeah! >> i'm really tired ( laughs ) >> that's okay. as soon as i said it, i was like... >> but tomorrow, though. >> trevor: hash tag smooth. ( laughter ) >> yeah, man, that's me. >> trevor: what's going on? welcome to the show. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: thanks for being here. congratulations on getting the emmy nomination. i mean, you know, that was a wild ride for you because if the story is true, you were about to quit acting before all of this happened to you, right? >> i was on the brink, yeah, yeah. the industry had me on the ropes. >> trevor: right, i was catching a lot of left hooks. but, yeah, it was a-- ""good place" came around at exactly the right time and rescued me. >> trevor: and you went from the one thing to the next thing. do you still have that thing that you go, it might go away?

or have you settled into the world i think i'm safe right now. >> i'm not settled at all. i'm afraid at all timeses. i always think it's going to go away because it's the nature of the business. it's always sort of, you know, it's moment to moment so yeah. >> trevor: well, you're doing well moment to moment. people loved you in "good place." and "love life" has come along, what's cool about the story-- we had anna kendrick to talk about it-- it's really rare to see a show and you meet the character and know the character and you have the people around in the show and the second season comes around and you think it's going to go in one direction and all of a sudden it flips, and we follow your character who lives, in my opinion, one of the messiest love lives i've seen. >> marcus is a mess in a lot of ways. it feels human to me. i think there's something about the genre of rom-com, where your central character is always so sympathetic, and everything is

happening to them. but i feel like in life, when you are going through something like that, you are partly responsible if not mostly responsible for a lot of the drama that's coming your way. so, you know, i wanted to sort of-- you know, especially as we were sort of crafting the story and sort of figuring everything out, i just wanted to, like, really lean into that, and not have it be something where it's like, "owe just feel bad for the guy." it's like, "oh, i'm not sure i like this dude." >> trevor: that's interesting. let's talk a little bit about that, then, the crafting of the story. you're not just the lead actor in this. you're also producing, correct? >> yeah. >> trevor: so you're part of the journey in terms of figuring out where the show is going to go and how it's going to go. what i really loved watching it is it's not often that you'll watch a show where you'll have a black character or black love on the screen that isn't chaotic and hectic. >> right. >> trevor: there are moments where we're watching your character go from being divorced to this new world of trying to find love again and being in the

space. but there are really cool, calm moments where you're like, this is what most relationships are and that is just the nothing between the valleys and the peaks. >> yeah, yeah. >> trevor: and that's what makes it really interesting. >> yeah, and that's also very adult. also, you know, that sort of rut that you can hit, which is sort of like, you know, like heralds the end of something and the beginning of something else. and how-- how ill at ease we can become in those moments where it's just like, oh, the excitement is gone. ah, is that okay? am i supposed to be doing something different? am i entitled to feel dissatisfied with this moment? and i think that marcus is sort of, like, going through all of that and questioning all of that, as mu as much as he's questioning his own identity. because when you leave a marriage, when you leave a long relationship like that, a piece of you leaves as well. >> trevor: oh, man. >> and soy, you know, he's, like, putting this all back together, as he's dating people,

which is not-- not a recipe for success. >> trevor: when you look at the journey you've been on, you're at the beginning, man. this journey will hopefully be long and successful. what do you hope to achieve as, like a thespian? you aren't just an actor. you're one of those people i go, "wow, this person has acted. you're a thespian." >> you're spine got all straight. you know, man, i really-- i'm just chasing interesting parts and things that are going to be tough to do. you know, i think the thing about "love life" i wasn't sure i was up to tackling this job. >> trevor: really? >> you know, like it was something that i'm, i have never been the center of something on camera like that. and so, i-- that was frightening. in a way i felt like a young man again, you know. like i felt like, oh, wow, i'm a little out of my depth. i'm open to-- i'm open to anything, anything that is going to scare me to do, i want to do it. >> trevor: i love that. that's your motto for your

career. that's my motto for sex. i appreciate that, man. thank you so much for joining me on the show. >> thanks for having me. >> congratulations on an amazing season. "love life," season two, is streaming now on hbo max. okay, we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. thank you, man. a lot of fun, for real. >> i appreciate it, i appreciat.

but before we go, please consider supporting "choose love." they work to provide refugees and displaced people with everything from lifesaving search-and-rescue boats to food and even legal advice. at the link below, you can go to the "choose love" store and buy essential emergency items and services for the refugees who need them-- diapers, hot meals, medical services, and so much more. if you'd like to support "choose love," check out the link below. also, if you're in san diego or los angeles this weekend, my "back to abnormal" comedy tour is going to be in your city. head to "backtoabnormaltour.com" to get your tickets. until next time, stay safe out there, get your vaccine, and remember, if you love anime, you might have omicron. oh, no! it's coming for me again! aaah! now, here it is, your moment of zen!

♪ staying alive, staying alive ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ kyle and stan: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - [muffled singing] - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪

- i am so sick of that stupid bitch. blabbing, prissy little skank! why do people talk on their phone like that? i can't even get a minute of peace before that bitch walks in holding the cell phone out like this and talking on speakerphone. nobody wants to hear your goddamn conversations, you little bitch. you're not that important! - yeah, no, dude, i'm telling you, it was the worst pain in my entire life. - how many hours were you guys playing? - like, six hours, dude, and my friends were all like, "dude, cartman, we need you to keep playing defense." - argh! - you were playing football? - yeah, but i was like, "i can't, you guys. i twisted my ankle." in the end, though, they really needed me to play, so i just played through the pain. you know what i'm saying? - that is not what happened! you totally started crying and quit the game! - kyle, this is a private conversation. - then take that shit off speakerphone! - is that that same kid? - yeah, it's that kid kyle again. he's a total boner, always listening in on my phone calls. - how do we have a choice? - stop listening to my conversation, kyle! what are you, the nsa? lawrence, remember i was telling you how the government listens to everyone's phone calls and reads all our emails? - yeah, yeah, you said that. my dad said the government keeps a database on everyone.

- who is that? is that toby? - yeah. - dude, toby, are you over at lawrence's? - yeah, we're ditching school. - you're what? what'd you say? - me and toby are ditching school! - i'm telling you guys, the government thinks they can do whatever they want, and we don't have any privacy anymore. just between you and me, i think everyone's too stupid to see what this is all leading to. did you guys read 1984? - i don't think so. - yeah, i didn't read it either, but i saw the puppet show version at casa bonita. we have to do something about this. we need to organize a rally. - that'd be cool. - that'd be what? - it'd be cool! - i know, right? a big rally to tell the government to stay out of our private lives! i'm gonna email everybody and put it up on my blog pages. i seriously feel like i'm being spied on right now. i'm sure the government has a file on me a mile long. that's why this is so important, you know? hang on, i'm gonna make a video blog for my "stop listening to me" website. what's up, everybody? it's me again just kicking it at my school. there's gonna be a big rally to tell the government to stop gathering information on us. gonna tweet you all the details, but keep quiet 'cause it's top secret. you guys gonna update your blogs too? dude, i really can't hear you, lawrence. are you outside or something? - i said i got your tweet of the address. - okay, well, put toby back on the phone.

you got to start googling everyone the directions to the rally site. toby, you there, bro? - yeah, i'm here bro. - bro, you got to, um, email dex about the rally and see if he'll bring petition forms. - will you please take your rally conversation somewhere else? - oh, hell no, you did not just invade my privacy again. that is the last straw, kyle! everybody! everybody, hey! just so you know, we might have an nsa agent right here at our school. - what's the nsa? - yeah, just so you know, the government is watching everything you do-- always watching. they say it's to keep us safe, but what price is safety, kyle? - the government watches everything we do? hello? hey, government. it's me, butters.

i just want to say, well-- well, thanks for watching over me and doing everything you do. and please watch over mommy and daddy and my friends, stan and kyle, craig and token and even ol' eric cartman. i know he can be a meanie sometimes, but please watch over him too. good night, government. [gasps] oh, yeah. and thank you, president obama, for making me feel so safe and looked after. and if it wouldn't be too much trouble, i'd really like to get a puppy for christmas this year. night, government. - dude, they have gone too far this time! there is no doubt the government is tracking me. we're gonna have to put off the rally. - they're spying on you? - yeah, it's right here. i went to amazon to see if they had grand theft auto v, and it says, "you might also be interested in the blu-ray for star trek." i'm totally interested in the blu-ray for star trek. how did they know that unless the government is keeping tabs on me? this is war, bro. forget the rally. we have to go hard-core. - like what?