[exhales] my feet were so sweaty, i can't even feel the cold. what a lovely hotel. - okay. >> trevor: does anybody here celebrate winter? yeah? i noticed a lot of people complaining. i always find this amusing. i don't know y i feel like americans do this more than anyone. a lot of people complaining that the weather isn't what it is supposed to be. like literally people today were like it's like 60 degrees outside, this is not winter in new york. this is not-- i'm like are you complaining? people are always like its-- yeah, it is not supposed to be this. yeah, but who said? you know what i mean? like a weird thing. people are like it wasn't supposed to rain. is your mum mother nature, like who gives you the-- because people-- this is really fun, so in the office people were arguing today, they were like oh, could this be the beginning of like people getting used to

climate change. like new york is supposed to be freezing cold at this time of year but it's not. and could that mean that like summer just stops having snow, and what would that mean. could you still have christmas. and i was like you do realize half of the world has christmas, right, lining a thing trk is a normal, like where i am from, santa can wear-- when i was growing up and saw the way he was dressed, i was like yo, this guy, just juicy kowt you are all the time, my man is in a vell our suit, the nice thing about having a summer christmas for americans is you get to bring back all of your troaftional christmas songs like baby it is cold-- no, it is not cold. yeah, we never had that problem in south africa, it was just like baby it's warm. >> okay, i'm-- oath. ♪ i'm going now. >> coming to you from the heart of time square in new york city, the only city in america.

it's "the daily show." tonight olympic boycott. texas does it all this year. and ma-- mahershala ali. this is "the daily show" with trevor know. >> trevor: hey, what is going on, everybody. welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah and joining me for today's headlines is my very good friend roy wood, jr., what is going on, roy. >> south africa, what is going on with you, man. >> so good to see you. >> make sure you give me a gift. >> wow. i've never heard anybody say it like that but okay. >> that is what we do. you give gifts. >> trevor: but normally would say christmas, have i a gift for you now you want me. >> i moo ed to see what your gift is first, and then you know, then gi from there, just. >> trevor: one hell of a spirit. in africa we say those are demons, let's jump into today tea headlines. we kick things off with omicron, the reason you need to ta just your 2022 mask budget. the new variant has now been

founder in 17-- found in 17 american states, yeah, and honestly, by the time you see this it will probably be up to like 80 states. now there is some good news. dr. fauci says that while it's still too early to know for sure it looks like omicron's spreads more easily than delta but maybe less severe. which means covid might have watered it steph down so it could reach more people. like the ice cube of corona variant, that would be amazing if it is true. if covid just made people sick instead of killing them, that would be a game changer, still not great but it's better. imagine if freddie krueger started giving people diarrhea instead of killing them, that is a major improvement and a really weird movie. don't you get it t man, if you poop in your dreams, you poop in your bed. >> i guess i'll just wash the sheets? >> oh yeah, it's going to be a whole laundrie day. >> trevor: still, even if that

turns out to be true, nobody wants another big wave of covid cases, nobody w nts that. which is why today mayor bill de blasio announced that new york city will be the first city in the country to require all private employees to be vaccinated. yeah, which means you can feel better now knowing that the guy selling you your fake vaccine card on the corner, well, he's also going to be vaccinated. and thank toses fears of omicron there is now a surge in demand for vaccines all over the world. although not for everyone. >> a den tition in italy is in hot water for trying to get his covid vaccine in a fake arm. and he turned up for the shot with a fake arm covering his real arm, hoping the nurse wouldn't notice. >> but when the nurse rolled up his sleeve she found the skin rubbery, cold and the pigment too light. >> she gave me a half smile and asked me to pretend i didn't know anything and to give him the vaccine anyway and i realized i was wearing a silicon body suit.

>> the silicon body suit the nurse was talking about would have looked something like this. there are several of them online for sale. >> trevor: so wait, so wait. this dude just put on a fake suit. like he was starring in house of gucci and then he thought that that would fool a nurse? my man, nurses put needles in arms all day. they know what a real arm feels like. like if a nurse feels cold rubbery skin, they're definitely going to be like wait a minute, i already gave mitch mcconnell his shot, who are you? not to mention this is italy, that is the hardest place to pull off a fake arm. hey, how comma you not moving your handsa a around when you talk. >> i'm one of those italians who doesn'ta do that. i let my moutha do the talking. >> there is no sucha thing. >> to be fair guys, you can't be that mad at a dentist for lying to taye doctor. i mean how many times have you gone to your dentist and said oh yeah, i definitely floss, many times a day. he learned it from us, you know what i mean?

i got to stay this, i respect your ingenuity. these people are getting more and more creative. these folks have come a long way from drinking bleach. you got to respect that. you started with the drinking the bleach, a little bit of the horse medicine, then fake vaccine cards and now my man just got an whole arm on, that is what we need to start selling, dog. >> trevor: fake arms? >> yeah, fake armings. >> trevor: i don't want to encourage them. >> hell yeah, fake arms, that is what we should start selling. what do you mean not encourage them, it is money, there is money to be made. people are willing to pay be-- this man beut a whole buck naked suit on the internet to keep from getting i shot. you missing out on the money, man, you know i'm right though, you know i'm right. >> trevor: i don't know about that. >> okay. >> trevor: let's move on were covid to the other big event that sweeps the whole world. the olympics, it's when all the nations of the world compete to see who has the best steroids. they're also a chance for

countries to come together in harmony despite their differences but sometimes there are some differences that are too big to set aside. and that's when it's time to play new olympic sports, hardball. >> now to more breaking news. the u.s. will not send any diplomatic representatives to the beijing 2022 winter olympics, press section jen psaki announced it citing china genocide and past human-rights abuses. >> in the past even presidents lead the u.s. delegation to the olympic us but this move by the biden administration mean no u.s. government officials attend in protest of china's human-rights abuses. american athletes, however, will still be allowed to compete. >> trevor: wow, wow, wow. that is huge. there will be no american government officials at the olympics. which means if they want to watch us, they have to do it the way the rest of us do, by turning on the tv and getting bored after three minutes and turning it off. there say real shame the americans won't be at the

olympic because you realize kamala harris was about to be the first black woman to ever watch a hockey game. but hon eftionly t doesn't surprise me that joe bied everyone would do this, for one thing he cares deeply about human rights. for another he's 79 years old. he's not about to fly across 12 time zones to watch a bunch of norwegians sweep an ice rink that is the one real reason it to it be president. most of us when we don't want to do something, we have to come up with some lame excuse, and everybody else shows up and talks about how he didn't come but if you are president, you can just be like diplomatic boycotts, nobody is allowed to attend emily's brunch. now the reason the u.s. is doing this boy koft the olympics is to protest china's abuses against the uighurs which is the u.s. governments have declared a genocide. but when you think about it, it say little weeferred to accuse an olympic host of genocide but then still send all of your athletes to that country. i mean it's genocide.

at least pull out the bobsled team because now all are you doing is saying you know all our boring peoplek well we're not sending them. that is the punishment. if biden wanted to punish china, he shouldn't withhold government officials, he should send the ones nobody can stand. if you want to get back at china you have marjorie taylor greene in the stands. >> the only way a speed skater could move that quickly is with jewish magnets with. okay. we'll let the uighur's go, please, just take her back. >> first off, with all the global warming, there are only six winter olympics left, they should have gone, there ain't that many winter olympics left in the first place, and the biggest question, because are you more international man me, what does a diplomated do. they just show up and they go hey, man, america is good. we good, america, make sure you like them. >> trevor: that is officially a diplomat's job. >> they are influencers, just political influencers.

that is what you do, you influence the country. honestly, if you want to make the winter limb picks more exciting, this is what you need to do after. they need to do the summer event in the wirnt. that is how you get the winter olympics. i don't know shit about now bobsled but i love track and field, are you the fasters person on the track, let's add some ice, see what you do now. i'm going to email the ioc, you know i'm right. >> trevor: actually, i would want to watch those. >> you telling me michael fells in ice water, that isn't entertain, michael phelps. >> michael phelps on ice is even more entertaining. let's move on to our next story which is about jobs. how we pass the time until we die. over the past few months more people have bng quitting their scrobs than ever before. while that is going on, some people are still becoming unemployed the old-fashioned way. by getting fired. and one c.e.o. just came up with a new and terrible way to do it.

>> a web boss had some brutal news for more than 900 of his workers who had just joined him on a zoom call. you're fired. less than four weeks from christmas. >> dumped via gloosm the mortgage startup better.com fired 9 percent of the work force in a zoom call that lasted less than three minutes. >> thank you for joining. i come to you with not great news. this is the second time in my career i'm doing this. and i do not, do not want to do this. the last time i did it, i cried. this time i hope to be stronger. if you are on this call, you are part of the unlucky group being laid off. your employment here is terminated effective immediately. >> trevor: okay, first of all, you can't say if you are on this call, you are unlucky enough like the call was an optional-- optional thing an people got tricked into it, that is bullshit, if you are not on

this call, am i still [bleep], 900 people at. >>, that is not a firing, that is a rapture. a big group firing is the most imperson thing you can do. if you respect an employee, you should have the decency it to sit down and tell them to their face why you think they suck. and so to be fired over zoom is especially tough because you can't storm out all dramatic. if you are fired in the office you get to be like you'll be working for me one day, bang. but on zoom you will be like you'll all be working for me one day. wait, where is the-- leave meeting-- no, gal review, no, mute-- am i gone? no, okay. you will all be working for me one-- hold onk hey, how do i quit the thing? how do i-- can dennis help me with this? can we get dennis it to help me-- yeah, the button is not working for me to leave. oh man, i hope you guys are working for me quun day so you can help me with this kind of stuff. the worst part is how the c.e.o.

made it all about himself as well. oh, this is so tough. i hope i don't cry again, what are people supposed to do comfort you for firing them, there, there, st okay. i am expendable, i get it, i get it. not to mention, i don't think anyone should ever get fired before christmas, totally ruins the season, if you are going to fire someone on a holiday do it on valentine's day, that way at least it gives you an execute, maybe i would have given you something but my boss set me free. >> i tell you what you need to to start happening, you need to have employees start firing their bosses, that is how you straighten this out, is he a c.e.o., he can be found, purm on his how at christmas, ask him outside like a gentleman and go fight. >> trevor: we're not encouraging this, this is just an idea and a concept. >> you, speak for yourself. i'm telling you what i would do, if you put me on the zoom with 900 other people, i will fight you. >> >> trevor: you are saying if i let you go, you will come and fight me within absolutely, in front of 800 and 99 other

people, 900 people, squid game with 4450 people. this is two squid games, two squid games of disrespect, have i to fight you, i don't know what you do in south africa, i'm from birmingham, alabama, i'm going to fight you. >> trevor: i don't think we have mass zoom firings in south africa. >> how do you fire people over there? >> trevor: we first have to find the jobs for them. >> you're right. you right. >> trevor: all right, finally, let's talk about heroin. the only injection with the worst reputation than the johnson & johnson vaccine. heroin addiction is a big problem all over the u.s. in fact, here in new york city around 2 thousand people die of drug overdoses every year. but now new york is the first place in america to try a new way to save some of those lives. >> new york city has opened the first in the nation drug injection site in hope of preventing overdoses. the locations will allow people to use drugs, including heroin

under the care of medical professionals while giving them access to threement. >> the city says that the supervised injection sites will provide users with a safer place to administer drugs and get medical care if they overdose. >> it turns out there is more than just injection happens there, addicts are allowed to smoke crack in the room if they choose to do that. the director of one of the sites told the post people are allowed to bring the substance they prefer. >> mayor de blasio says five drug overdoses were reversed during the first day of two new safe injection sites being opened in the city. >> trevor: yes, that's right, people. the same way that cocaine addicts have their own streets, now heroin addicts have a safe place where they can do their drugs. and i know this is controversial, i know it is. but i think this is a great idea. and the exact opposite of an idea that i had. i pitched the city an idea where i think we should open a clinic where people could smoke weed for the first time and after two pufers i would jump in and be like can you hear that, oh, can

you hear that, i think they're coming, i think they're coming. all right, have a good one, y'all. you know, inspire the high. in fact, i think they should do harm reduction like this for everything that puts people if danger. not just drugs, like they should have a site where people can go and text their ex because you know it is a bad idea. you know something is going to go wrong, but it would be better if intun was looking over your shoulder helping you, no, no, too thirsty, so you misspelled vagina, it st not with a j, yeah, here is my theory, i think this will get people off of drugs. i have seen people saying the city is going to make more drug addicts, no, guys, it is not. this is going to get them off drugs because if the city is running the thing, it's going to take forever to get high there. going to be in line for six hours. make you fill out all kinds of forms. when you finally get up to the window, the woman behind the counter will be like excuse me, sir, this isn't the line for doing crack, you nied to be in that line, okay. you need to fill out the blue form, okay. the blue form, where do i get

that one. >> you got to bring it from home, sir, okay? screw this, i just get clean. >> okay, you need the pink form for that one, honey, all right? z. >> you see a drug den, i see a cheap hotel. i see a cheap place to go take a nap. ain't got to it fool with airbnb. all you got to do is go in there and could be vince them you are on drugs and you imelt a nap. that is what you they say, come in here, do your drugs, rest, relax, enjoy your high, nothing but a nap room, all i need is a fake arm to put my crack needle in. >> trevor: i think they would notice. >> no, they don't dot injections, that is probably cost $10 extra, i will safe inject into my fake arm and pretend to be on crack. >> trevor: you couldn't just go nap at a park. >> no, that is dangerous, there are people out there doing drugs. fz all right, when we come back, we'll find out why text it as was the state that embodies 2021. and mahershala ali is joining me

on the show, so don't go a

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with a 24 hour adaptive battery that sends power precisely where you need it. google pixel 6. tail daily show, 2021 is almost over, i think we can all agree that compared to last year it has been a pretty perfect year. so for the rest of the month we'll be remembering all of 2021's best moments in our year-end segment a look back at 2021, the least bad year of the last two years. tonight ronny chieng looks back at how 2021 was the year of the state of texas. howdy, partner, i'm here in

texas. the state that grabbed 2021 by the horns and made it its bitch. yee ha. everything that happened this year happenedded in texas. the border crisis, q-anon resurrecting j.f.k., jr., me developing a crippling dependency on brisket, hmmm. of course texas wouldn't have had such a big year without its governor greg abbott. he banned mask mandates, he banned vaccine mandates, he banned vaccine cards because the best way to fight covid is freedom, and icu beds but we ran out because of all the covids, e texas haters will say abbott didn't do enough to suppress covid cases, well, sorry, if you were too busy trying to suppress something else. >> if enacted the texas voting legislation would end drive-threw and 24 hour voting including prohibiting sunday voting before 1 p.m. which

critics say unfairly impacts black voters. >> effectively, the voting rights of black texans. >> did somebody say safe? that's right, you bitsh-as ises is state, everything is bigger in texas you especially the line to vote in black communities, if you are one of those states that say there is no such thing as voter fraud, why don't you put your money why your mouth is because texas did. >> texas lt. governor a trump ally promised to pay up to a million dollars if anyone came forward with exaxe-- examples of voter fraud, that existed with no evidence. he now made the first payout. but in an iron eck and expensive twist, it was fraud being committed on behalf of republicans. so here is the first check for $25,000. it twent to a poll worker in pennsylvania who reported a republican who voted twice.

>> yeah, see, that totally proved his point. in kind of the way that was the exact opposite of his pointer. and the best part of this texas bowntee story is not only that only texas bowntee story in 2021. let's lasso in that second bowntee story now. >> aw shit, that is the third trk v this week. just play the clip. >> the nation's most restrictive abortion law is now in effect in texas after the supreme court ignored a request to block it. the measure bans most abortions after six weeks of pregnancy and makes no exceptions for increst or rape. >> what is unique about this law is it enis enforced by private parties, not government officials. >> that means private citizens can sue anyone who aids or abets unlawful abortion from the doctors who perform them to drivers who take women to the clinic. >> okay, this law may be horrible for women, but you got to admit, it's great for the wanted poster industry.

that is like 90 percent of texas' economy. and say what you want, but what other state would have had the balls to turn their entire population into snitches, not rhode island, [bleep] you rhode island. the fact it is texas was a powerhouse all year long even when they didn't have power in their house. >> millions in texas tonight are living a freezing nightmare without power huddled against subfreedzing temperatures. >> nowhere is harder hit than texas. where more than 3 million homes and businesses are without power and heat, the electrical grid simply can't handle the demand. >> texas is on its own power grid, that has a lot of people asking, why was the state that is known to produce energy so unprepared for this crisis. >> that's right, teksz as' independent power grid, the energy capital of america had no energy. this past year, texas was even number one at irony, pipes are bursting, cell phone towers are down, people couldn't even put gas into their horsies, but who

cares, are you in texas. we don't even need electricity. >> oh god, somebody please help, i don't want to die a virgin. oh, the point s as epic as 2021 was for texas, it was also a tough time. and when things got tough, the ted cruzs got going. >> republican senator from texas ted cruz faces growing backlash for leaving his home state and flying to cancun while texans were dealing with this crisis. >> the embattled texas senator first claimed he was merely escorting his family to dan kun for a vacation and coming right back. but leaked texts from his wife heidi appear to shoat entire cruz family was planning to stay in mexico through the weekend to escape the bitter cold wrecking havoc in texas. >> that is right. here in the wild west you either die or you ride off into the sunset. and ted cruz road off into the

sunset while people in his state died. he is the ultimate texan. which is why i got to take hi hat off to you, ted cruz. >> another power outage. that is like-- fair thee well, 2021. i will see you next year in cancun. >> trevor: thank you so much for that ronny, when we come back, mahershala ali will be joining me right here in the studio, you don't want to mis

it's the most joyous time of the year. especially at t-mobile! let's go to dianne. i got the awesome new iphone 13 pro and airpods, and t-mobile is paying for them both! and this is for new and existing customers. upgrade to the iphone 13 pro and airpods both on us. only at t-mobile. i just love having to check-in online, and having to do it again on the mobile app. and having to do it again in-person. are there any other ways that i have to check-in? no. but we're working on it. [ laughter ] i've only ever bought bird seed from this website, but they're recommending cat food. i think we need a cat. they know us so well. who wants a kitty cat? who wants... you want a kitty cat.

i wonder what ruffles would be like without ridges. it would be like t-pain without auto-tune. ♪baby yeah, oomph!♪ how's that? did we get it? perfect. it's kinda like uh... a knight without armor. ohh... that's today? i thought it was helmets only. charge! it's like you without your... my basketball skills? your basketball skills. ruffles. own your ridges. what else would it... nothing else. [crunch]

daily show, my imes is an award-winning actor and producer, mahershala ali, here to talk about his new film, swan song. >> mapped to your dna. cameron turner. ma sher-- mahershala ali, welcome back to the show. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: you know you are not just one of my favorite human beings, favorite actors but also one of the most calming forces in my life. >> i will take that. >> trevor: yeah. >> thank you. >> trevor: i was think being that today tbfer the interview, i was like i don't think i know anybody-- like if i was in a plane crash which i wouldn't want to be. >> right. >> trevor: i would hope to be

in that with you because i feel like you would be the ultimate-- i have never seen you panic. >> we could die calmly together. >> trevor: i feel like you would look over at me and say well trevor, it's over. >> this is it. >> trevor: you know what i mean, you just have that palming-- dawming spirit. >> thank you, thank you. >> trevor: the last time you were here, you were just on your way to one the most successful journeys of all time. since the last time you have been on the show you have won two oscars, an emmy, golden globe, whether st house of cards, whether st moonlight, everything you have touched has turned to gold. you know, it has been a whirlwind, i want to know what its that been like to you, what has it been like for you. >> hearing you say it all t is just a great reminder to be breat. >> trevor: yeah. >> i have had an opportunity to work on some amazing projects, with amazing people. wonderful actors. and that's been the dream for me. and this moment, physically all of that building up, is an

opportunity to play this role and lead a film and work opposite of naomi harris and glenn close, and pretty phenomenal, i feel very blessed. >> trevor: when you looked at creating this story, you know, it's one thing to act in a film it is one thing to be part of the cast. but that extra weight that comes with being the producer, that comes with being really the force behind the movie, like does that add more pressure to you, or do you enjoy the creative power that it gave you over the project? >> you know what, i don't think it added more pressure, because i feel that pressure without the power anyway. so you feel that that there are decisions being made and the film will be impacted. you will be impacted personally as an actor however this turns out, without the producers title and without the influence of a producer. so at least when you have the title and you have a seat at the table, there is an opportunity

for you to make that pressure more active. and you can say hey, i think we should maybe, you know, think about this person and inn that position or what are we are doing about, you know, the sound cue or the edit or whatever. like any of those ideas that pop up, where you may have to sit in the theater and watch it and feel like oh, that could have been different, in the process of making the fim, you have a voice there now. >> trevor: you use the voice well, swan song is fantastic, i'm a big fan of sci-fi, of the thrillers or ideas that come, an this movie felt like it was taking it me on multiple journeys. and it felt like an alegory about life and family, you know, you play a man who receives a terminal diagnosis. >> yeah. >> trevor: and his life is ostensibly over. >> yes. >> trevor: but he has the opportunity and the choice to decide whether or not to just go out or to clone himself so his family doesn't have to go through that suffering.

the premise is insane but it speaks to larger concepts of life. >> yes, it it does, it does. and it is a very, that is what drew me to the project was the premise and the dilemma. but i think what really kind of locked me in was just how human the story felt. and the fact that it was in the not too distant future, so all of the tech and high dispie of it tall is very relaysable and it didn't get in the way of the human issue, the human dilemma. and so and it is funny, so just going throughout this journey, with this character, you kind of get to taye point at the end of it it where you go well, what is the answer in all of this, is it just to clone yourself. and i do not think, you know, for me what i ended up walking away from was that it is about being as present as possible in the life that we have. and trying our best to meet the potential that is in it, and to wake that up, you know, we don't

have to necessarily have a death sentence. or be aware of this ticking block to twaik up our potential. >> trevor: when i was watching the film i couldn't help think being some of the conversations i've had with you and some of the things i've heard you say in and around time and how we spend it as human beings. i remember one of the things that stuck with me the most is just as your star was shooting, just as your name was buzzing everywhere, you very scheerly stated that hey, i'm also trying to win an oscar with my family. >> to me the real definition of success is being able to be hold in every aspect of your life, so i think the career thing that everybody sees is beautiful and amazing and shiny. but you've got to be, what are the other parts of yourself. >> trevor: right. >> that you have to be fulfilled in. and who are the other people that need to know your presence. and to me that is success. so it it doesn't necessarily come with a trophy, you know, but it it does come in that fulfillment. >> trevor: i honestly love the

swrowrnee you are on, it is wonderful to watch and it seems like you are enjoying it stwl whrus it is fashion or movies, television, behind the camera, in front of the camera i'm not going to lie, one of my favorite things of all time is is hing that are you going to play blade. that for me, you know blade, i don't know but, but blade was easily one of my favorite movies of all time. >> yeah, it was great. >> trevor: and i saw you, and of course, the man was made for the role. >> and wesley, obviously. >> trevor: no, yes, but i mean it it seems like. >> meaning just, meaning about what was great about it. >> trevor: just like. >> seeing wesley do his thing and introduce that character to the world. and to see the things that have spawned off from it. >> trevor: right. >> so yeah, i'm-- i just really appreciate the love and care and energy that goes into those projects, that goes into the marvel projects. >> trevor: you are you excited to kick people, because you

don't kick many people. >> i don't get to kick-- i'm always doing a drama where there isn't kick organize punching. >> trevor: there is going to be some kicking. >> there will be some kicking,. >> trevor: i feel like this will be a moment where ma sher shalla will be like, i haven't kicked people for awhile in my life. >> i'm ready to kick people. >> trevor: when do you start the training, i know that is such a long process. >> we are in the process. >> trevor: are you good with it. >> i better get good at it. >> trevor: if you give me a sword. >> yes. >> trevor: i'm not good but i look good. >> okay. >> trevor: so what i used to do as a kid, because this move is the most important move with the sword, that thing. and then i would do that. and then i would always smash things in the house and my mom would say you look good, and then you mess my shit up, but then i looked good before that moment. >> we will put you in an empty space. >> trevor: what i am talking about. that is why you are the producer. >> with greenscreens. >> trevor: fiefnedding the way, thank you for joining me on the show, thank you for blessing us continuously, blessings to

you and your family, i appreciate you you, great seeing you. >> great seeing you. >> trevor: people swan song will premier in u.s. theaters and globally on apple-- apple tv plus on. you want to watch this thing, we will take a break right after this. >> always a pleasure. >> trevor: for real it's another day. and anything could happen. it could be the day you welcome 1,200 guests and all their devices. or it could be the day there's a cyberthreat. only comcast business' secure network solutions

give you the power of sd-wan and advanced security integrated on our activecore platform so you can control your network from anywhere, anytime. it's network management redefined. every day in business is a big day. we'll keep you ready for what's next. comcast business powering possibilities. tonight, but before we go, a quick reminder, "the daily show" has a new podcast called beyond the scene. where roy wood, jr. and special guests about deeper into the topics that we cover on the show and discuss how the show gets made. basically you know how when you order a milkshake they sometimes give you that extra cup on the side with more milkshake in it? well, that's beyond the-- the

scene, remember, if you are watching this show, are you part of the unlucky group being laid off. i just hope i don't cry. now here it is, your moment of zen. that was so hard for me. >> i'm not in your way. >> let me tell you. i can't want to hear that. with all due respect, who want watched this game last night, let me be very, very clear about what i am about to say. i was actually proud. >> all you do is play basketball. that is your only job, you can't that is your only job, you can't get a-- -let me ask you a question. -mm-hmm.

you're a hostage captured by terrorists. -who, me? -you. anybody. whatever. you're in the little room. you're chained to the floor. you're there for a long time. do you think they would ever consider doing a laundry? they'd have to. it's in the geneva convention. [middle-eastern accent] "you, take off your socks, pants, underwear. we're doing a wash. come on. take it off. take it off." [jerry & elaine chuckle] hey, georgie. -hi. -hi. what's the matter? my mother caught me. caught you? doing what? you know. i was alone... you mean...? uh-huh. -she caught you? -where? i stopped by the house to drop the car off, and i went inside for a few minutes. nobody was there. they're supposed to be working. my mother had a glamour magazine. i started leafing through it. glamour?

so one thing led to another... so, what did she do? first, she screams, [gruffly] "george, what are you doing?! my god!" and it looked like she was gonna faint. she started clutching the wall, trying to hang onto it. i didn't know whether to try and keep her from falling or zip up. what did you do? i zipped up. -so she fell? -yeah. well, i couldn't run over there, the way i was! no, i guess you couldn't. i wouldn't think so. so she fell, and then she starts screaming, "my back, my back!" so i picked her up, i took her to the hospital. [laughing] oh! how is she? she's in traction. okay, sorry. it's not funny, elaine. i know. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. her back went out. she's gotta be there for a couple days. all she said on the way over in the car was "why, george, why?" i said, "because it's there!" -[chuckles] -glamour? [laughs] all right, i'll tell you this, though,

i am never doing... that again. what, you mean in your mother's house, -or altogether? -altogether. -oh, give me a break. -you can stop? oh, yeah, right. -come on. -come on. what? you don't think i can? no chance. you think you could? well, i know i could hold out longer than you. care to make it interesting? sure. how much? hundred dollars? you're on. wait a second. wait a second. count me in on this. -you? -yeah. you'll be out before we get the check. i want to be in on this too. -oh, no. -oh, no, no, no. -it's a whole other ballgame. -it's apples and oranges. -why? what? -it's a whole different thing. -why? -because you're a woman. so what? it's easier for a woman not to do it than a man. we have to do it. it's part of our lifestyle. it's like, uh, shaving. oh, that is such baloney. i shave my legs. not every day.

all right, look, you wanna be in? -yeah. -you gotta give us odds. at least 2 to 1. you gotta put up $200. no. a thousand. no. i'll put up 150. all right. you're in for 150. okay, 150. all right, now, how we gonna monitor this? well, obviously, we all know each other very well. i'm sure we'll all feel comfortable within the confines of the honor system. all right. come on. all: yeah! it's the winter jewelry sale. get 25% off everything. all right. come on. ♪ ♪ this is how we shine... at zales. the diamond store.