tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central February 10, 2022 11:00pm-11:45pm PST
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(dwight) do i feel bad about betraying jim? not. at. all. that's the game. convince him we're in an alliance, get some information, throw him to the wolves. that's politics, baby. get what you can out of someone, then crush them. i think jim might have learned a very valuable lesson. comedy central >> trevor: someone asked me if i was going to the actual super bowl, and i said never. again. more specific, i said never again. here's the thing, i've been to one super bowl, and i don't understand how anybody watches football live. so when you go watch football live, it's just a bunch of people, and there's a ball, and you don't know what's happening. you forget that the guy is not talking. so you know when you watch football, my introduction to football is everyone telling me things-- here he is, marcus brown, grew up in this town. his mama is a great fan of this and that. now there's nothing. you're standing there and people are like, "yeah! yeah!" tell me about his family "yeah!
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" and then something happens on the field, i can't see what's happened on the field because sometimes it happens on the other side of the field. and then you just wait for, like, the ref to come and gossip. "the guy touched the ball when he wasn't supposed to." stop snitching. i want toy soot thing myself. and the lines-- you know how much more fun it is to watch the game when you know how far-- it made me realize how hard football actual actually sbecause when i watch football on tv i go, "you idiot. the line was here. if you ran that way, liant was there." when you watch football live, you're like, "there's no line. how does the guy no how far-- there's no line." most sports make it look easier when you're sitting at home. and when you get there, you say, "oh, no, sorry i talked shit lebron. on the court you can't see anything. these guys are like seven feet tall in real life.
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>> announcer: coming to you from the heart of times square, in new york, the only city in america, it's "the daily show. tonight: the this is "the daily show with trevor noah." >> trevor: hey, what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. let's jump straight let's jump straight into today's headlines. our first story takes place in remember, school, the place where you go to learn things like math or science, or most importantly, how to draw that cool "s." but in florida, the state whose official dress code is "strip club casual," lawmakers have decided that there are some subjects that shouldn't be learned in school. >> a controversial bill that would ban school districts in florida from encouraging classroom discussion about sexual orientation or gender identity is advancing. a florida senate committee just passed the so-called "don't say gay" bill.
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opponents warn it would lead to further stigmatization of gay, lesbian, and transgender children. florida governor ron desantis has indicated support for the bill. the republican says it is not appropriate for teachers to have conversations with students about sexual orientation or gender identity. >> trevor: yeah, i agree with ron desantis. kids shouldn't learn that people can be straight or gay. in school. we shouldn't teach them that. we should just let them get surprised when they turn 18: "two men can do what?! ohhhh, that's what l'il nas x was singing about. i thought he just liked prison." on the one hand, this is terrible baz many kids can't talk about gay issues at home, so school could be the one place they could learn. i guess on the other hand, this "don't say gay" law is going to have some upsides. it will make it a lot harder for bullies in school. they'll in the hallway like, "you're gay." and ron desantis will burst
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out of a locker, "don't say that. make fun of his hair cut." if you ask me, the real issue is these people are worried their kids are going to learn about being gay and get converted to gay. that's what the fight is about. don't teach my kids about gay in school because they'll become gay. that's ridiculous. learning about the thing doesn't magically turn you into the thing. i mean, in school, when i learned about the french, it's not like i came home that day like, "mama! i have something to tell you!" >> there's a big story coming out of the art world, if you're one of those people who says, "i don't understand modern art." congratulations on being basic, maybe you should stop complaining and do something about it, like this guy did. >> a security guard was fired from the job at a russian museum after drawing eyes on a million- dollar painting. i want you guys to look closely at this. the "three figures" painting had
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a blank space on the faces. you can see the version on the left. but reports say the security guard got bored, decided to grab a pen, and just draw a pair of eyes on two of the three figures. >> trevor: hold on, hold on. this guy defaced a classic painting because he was bored! like, in a museum, you were bored so you drew-- have you not heard of tiktok? and i know a lot of you basic bitches out there are looking at the eyes on this painting and saying, "that actually does look better." but that's not the point! art is not about what looks better. art is about confusing people with a thing that allows you to feel like you are better than them, am i right?! and how do we know this whole thing wasn't a publicity stunt? because i don't know about you, but i have never heard of this faceless panting in my life. now i'm seeing it everywhere. maybe this is what all museums do just to get hype! >> "did somebody steal the mona lisa's eyebrows?! come see for yourself!" and, finally, let's move on from one piece of work to another:
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donald "johnson & johnson baby powder" trump, the ex-president most likely to be a surprise judge at a wet t-shirt contest. yesterday, the government office that keeps presidential records asked the justice department to investigate trump's improper handling of official documents. and, like, at this point, i'm wondering if there are any laws that trump hasn't broken, you know. if there was a "guinness book of world records" for crime, he'd probably steal the book! but, yes, according to reports, trump would rip up papers after he read them. he took boxes of material with him to mar-a-lago, and now we're learning that trump did the most trump thing he could have possibly could have done with some of these documents. >> we're beginning with breaking news. staff members at the white house residence discovered wads of printed paper in a clogged toilet on more than one occasion during the trump administration and believed that it was the former president himself who was trying to flush documents. >> i learned that staff in the white house residence would
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periodically find the toilet clogged. the engineer would have to come and fix it, and what the engineer would find would be wads of, you know, clunked-up print-- wet printed paper, you know, meaning it was not toilet paper. it could be post-its. it could be notes he wrote to himself. it could be other things. we don't know. but it certainly is it add, as you said, another dimension to what we know how he handled material in the white house. >> trevor: it's so funny how in every scandal involving trump and documents, none of them involve him reading them. and by the way, i will say this: i know it's easy for us to go to, "trump was trying to obstruct justice! that's what this was." but you do remember, at the start of the pandemic, there was a shortage of what? and i don't know about you guys, but when there's no toilet paper, state documents start to look mighty tempting. but it does explain why trump was always complaining about toilets. you remember how he always did
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that? >> people are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once. they end up using more water. >> "yeah, they're flushing them 10 times, 15 times." no, dude, you were flushing toilets 10, 15 times, because you were shoving your homework down the toilet! every assumed you were clogging the toilet but no one thought we would have to ask the question, "with what?" trump denies all of this, said he never clogged any toilets ever. smoothest poo of all time. the question is, who is telling the truth? we are going to go live to the white house to chat to that man. sir, i understand that you are the official white house plumber. >> that's right. it's-a me, carl schwartz. how you doing? >> trevor: doing westerly.
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as the white house plumber, we'd love for you to tell us everything you know about trump flushing documents down the toilet. >> let me stop you right there, chief, okay. sorry to disappoint you, but i can't. it's the plumber's code. >> trevor: the plumber's code? >> that's right, it's the iron code all plumbers live by: one, never tell a toilet's secrets. two, always round up the bill. three, no visible buttcrack. we're trying to break that stereotype. so i'm sorry, but i can't reveal what i know about trump's toilet, no matter what. >> trevor: aww, come on! >> all right, fine, i'll tell you. i was in trump's bathroom almost every day pulling paper out of the toilet. i unclogged so many classified documents, they had to give me top-secret clearance. i'm talking c.i.a. briefings, diplomatic cables, the medical experiments that created rudy giuliani. honestly, some of the stuff i didn't even understand what it meant. like, i found this one document that just says "nuke spain, question mark." >> trevor: oh, we. >> yeah. >> trevor: you must have been
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frustrated with president trump giving you so much unnecessary work. >> are you kidding? i loved president trump. he made my job more interesting, and he trusted me with our nation's top secrets. unlike certain other presidents just used the toilet to poop or pee. ( whispering ) obama. >> trevor: i don't know why you said it like, that we knew who-- let me ask you, was trump the only one in the white house who was flushing documents? did vice-president pence do it? >> no, no. mike pence never even used the bathroom. he actually doesn't have any holes! now, if you'll excuse me, i have an emergency to deal with. kamala harris has been locked in the bathroom for the past year. >> trevor: oh, wow. is that where she's been. good luck with that. thank you so much, mr. schwartz. did he say no holes. >> $6,000. >> trevor: that wasn't very helpful. so let's move on to the big news out of canada, america's quiet upstairs neighbor-- or at least they used to be, because as you may have heard, there's a major antivaccine protest taking place in canada's capitol city of ottawa right now.
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now, antivaccine protests are pretty common these days, but these protestors are different, because they're truck drivers. which means they have trucks. and people with trucks have more power than other people. they just do. this is like a fact of trucks. think about it, in every heist movie ever, what do they need to pull off the heist? a truck. when a batman villain tries to shut down the city, he needs a truck. having trucks just gives you the ability to out-muscle people who don't have trucks. and so even though 90% of canadian truckers are vaxxed, this small minority is still able to cause big problems. they've essentially shut down downtown ottawa for two weeks now, and if you wanna know why these truckers are so fired up, well, they're more than happy to tell you. >> what is the stuff that you can't do right now as a nonvaccinated person? >> i live in quebec, so it's a bit more intense than other places in canada. but, look, i can't go skiing. i can't go to walmart. i can't go to canadian tire. i can't go to home depot. i can't go to restaurants. i can't go to bars. i can't go to the gym. >> because you're not vaccinated. have you-- is there businesses, is there stuff you can't do
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in canada now? >> yes, like, i'm, like, i'm, like-- they say is you want to compare canada to anything, it's like hitler's germany. and we're like the jews, eh." >> trevor: see, this is why we shouldn't be banning books, because now this guy thinks the holocaust is when you can't take a shit in a tim hortons. i mean, even marjorie taylor greene is looking at this guy like, "dude, this isn't anything like the holocaust! there's no soup here at all!" it's actually wild when you think about it, how many different ways people disrespect holocaust survivors. because some people are like, "what happened to you didn't happen!" and some people are like, "what happened to you did happen, and it's happening again to me, right now, because i can't go skiing!" but the point is, these truckers and their supporters feel persecuted. and when this started, it was just a protest against vaccine requirements for truckers, but it's now grown into a wider movement against all coronavirus restrictions. they want vaccine mandates gone. they want mask mandates gone.
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they want to be free to sneeze into strangers' mouths again like the old days. but blocking traffic in downtown ottawa hasn't done the trick, so now they've decided to take things up a notch. >> a crucial trade link between canada and the united states was disrupted by protesters for a third day in a row. the ambassador bridge is the busiest international crossing in north america, linking windsor, ontario, to detroit, while another border crossing in ontario is experiencing an hours'-long delay. the ambassador bridge sees about one-quarter of all of the goods that go between the two countries every day. on a normal day, that's about $340 million worth of goods rolling through. and the impact is already being felt. ontario auto plants, including ford and stellantis, reduced production over the last 24 hours due to missing parts from shipments. >> prime minister justin trudeau calling for an end to the protests. >> right now, people in windsor are suffering and losing their jobs because they can't get auto parts across the ambassador
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bridge. >> trevor: see, now you can really see how much impact a truck protest can have. you just park a bunch of them on a key bridge and, boom, international trade slows to a trickle. which i didn't know could still happen, bay the way. it almost sounds like medieval times when when an army would block one mountain pass, and then your entire village would starve. then you'd have to eat your horse, and then your dog, and then eventually you'd be forced to eat your own children. then, right as you finish eating your last child, the siege would end, and then you'd spend the rest of your life in therapy. ( peasant ) "i just feel really bad for eating my own children." ( modern doctor ) "look, you can't blame yourself, that path was closed for almost two days." like, think about it. think about it. if these were just regular protesters on foot, the cops would have just cleared them out by now. but to move a truck, you need someone who can drive a truck, which isn't as easy as it sounds. it takes months of training to be able to sit in the driver's seat of a truck and not just honk the horn the whole time.
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extremely tempting. and these truckers are finding a lot of supporters from not just from canadians, but republicans in the united states: rand paul, donald trump, everyone on fox news... which is kind of funny. all these people cheering on these truckers like, "yeah shut it all down, truckers! bring the economy to its knees!" aren't you the same people who said we can't have covid restrictions because we have to do everything to protect the economy? so, basically, it's not worth hurting the economy just to save countless lives, but if it's to make a point, then, if you're just making a point, yeah, go for it! you got it. but regardless, these republicans are now calling for the trucker movement to come to america, and it looks like they might soon get their wish. >> ottawa's so-called "freedom convoy" spawning similar anti-vax mandate protests in cities around the world. in australia, protesters assembled outside the capitol building, many waving
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australian flags and signs asking for freedom. in new zealand, protesters camped outside parliament for a second day. and in france, hundreds of protesters in nice headed for paris waving canadian flags. the department of homeland security is telling law enforcement authorities, it's receiving reports that a similar kind of convoy could soon begin in the u.s. >> the department has "received reports of truck drivers planning to potentially block roads in major metropolitan cities in the united states. >> the protests could begin as soon as sunday in los angeles to disrupt the super bowl and then travel across the country to disrupt president biden's state of the union in d.c. on march 1st. >> trevor: bho! you guys want to interrupt the super bowl? i don't know, man, that seems like a terrible strategy. you'd be ruining one of the last things everyone in america loves. everyone. you're going to block the super bowl? what's your follow up, driving over dolly parton.
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if you're in los angeles on super bowl sunday, you're the one who is going to be stuck in the traffic. "come on, move it! i have to get to the traffic disruption." it could backfire on the truckers. they're going to honk their horns. it will help biden stay weak, the state of the union... ( horn honking ) >> it's strong, so strong, super strong, man. these truckers protesters from canada might be coming to america and if that's the case we have to prepare ourselves, a lot of things that are big in canada blow up much more when they come to america-- drake, justin bieber, those cool weed posters they have up there. i will say, this the funny thing about the whole protest, when it comes to coronavirus restrictions in america what are they going to be protesting. the coronavirus isn't over but everybody is acting like it is. businesses are open, schools are
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in session, and even the blewest states are getting rid of mask mandates. so i guess what i'm saying is, ," congratulations, truck drivers, you did it. now i guess there's no need to block the super bowl. unless the rams are winning. then you block that. i bet on the rams. all right, when we come back, roy wood jr. and ronny chieng are gonna catch us up on all the are gonna catch us up on all the sports new and
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>> trevor: welcome back "to the daily show." let's turn to some big news from the world of sports: the n.b.a. trade deadline was today, and it ended with a flurry of blockbuster deals. and i gotta say, i love the n.b.a. trade deadline, because it just goes to show that everyone, including the people who run sports teams, waits until the last minute to do anything. "oh, shit! the deadline is today??? ahhh!!!! trade him, and get him. we'll give you that guy. here's james harden. just give me anything for him! i'll take your jacket! i'm take it!" but there's so much more sports out there, and for the rest of
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it, we turn to ronny chieng and roy wood junior for another episode of "i apologize for talking while you were talking." ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> what's up? i'm ronny chieng. there's roy wood jr. are you ready to talk about sports? >> we're standing on fake grass. of course i am. >> great, let's start with the winter olympics. olympics. i thought you meant real sports like basketball or worthles. >> what? come on, the winter olympics have all kinds of great sports like skiing and cross-country skiing and alpine skiing. no skiing. ski lift riding. >> stop, stop, this is a hate crime. >> no, roy, that's not a hate crime. what is a hate crime is what china did in the opening ceremonies. just take a look at it. >> the winter olympics now in full swing after the ceremonial start of the games. >> team u.s.a. walking in the parade of nations. >> but a controversial ending to
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the ceremony, china choosing a uyghur athlete as one of the torch bearers to light the final olympic flame. the host country has been condemned for its treatment of the muslim ethnic minority, leaving thes you and other nations to hold a diplomatic boycott of the game. >> trotting out the uyghurs like that. do you have any idea what the size of the balls that takes. >> i don't get what the message was supposed to be here. china is like, it's all cool. see, we let them hold fire. >> that's the problem. see, this is why the olympic host country should be a global supersuper not mixed up in all the allegations of human rights abuses. >> yes exactly, like-- like... like, uh... >> uhm. what's the one... >> not them. you know what, let's move on. we'll come up with one.
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we'll come up with one upon because there's still a pandemic going on. >> that's right. >> >> everyone who touches down in beijing for the winter games is greeted by a hazmat suit-wearing welcoming committee like this one. they help you navigate checkpoints and not one, but two covid tests. >> when an athlete or reporter tests positive, they're ordered to put on a full hazmat suit and taken weby ambulance to a covid isolation hotel 45 minutes away. and the food, some say, is inedible. one russian athlete says she was given this tray of food for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for five days. "my stomach hurts, and i have huge black circles around my eyes. i cry every day." >> that's what you're feeding olympians? how does the chef go about preparing that? eating food and throwing it up again ( gagging ) >> it's got all the major food groups-- unsalted potatoes, weird meat, red liquid.
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i say bon appetite. what i can't believe is that they're making them wear hazmat suits just for covid. those should be reserved for more descrus situations like handling flesh-eating bacteria, or using a bathroom on a bus. >> i totally disagree with you, roy. that's such an american perspective. when the rest of the world gets covid, they quarantine. when americans get covid, they go to applebee's. >> hey, hey, hey. you're not going to disrespect applebee's, all right. they have milk shake egg roles. they're so delicious. >> whatever. enough about the olympics. let's talk about the olympics of a sport only america plays-- the super bowl. >> that's what i was talking about ronny. finally we're talking about football. cincinnati bengals, l.a. rams on sunday, and i'm already on layer 83 of my famous 1,400-layer bean dip. i call it the iceberg melter. >> what does that mean? >> because it causes so much
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farting, global warming and stuff. >> that is disgusting. while you're gambling with your digestive system, americans will be doing a different kind of gambling. the gambling kind. >> millions, literally, of americans are expected to places a wager of some type on the super bowl. >> and they'll bet an eye-popping $7.6 billion up 78% from last year. that dramatic rise attributed largely to broader access. well, since last year, 10 states have launched legal sports betting, meaning 45 million more americans can wager in their home state than last year. >> 7.6 billion dollars on super bowl gambling? that could buy you a lot of n.f.t.s. or maybe just a few n.f.t.s. i still don't know what n.f.t.s are. >> here's my thing-- the second they legalize gambling, it was everywhere. they won. they won. everywhere. gambling, web sites are ready.
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so why does every other law take years to kick in? joe biden put draft kings in charge of the infrastructure bill, by march, everybody will have their own bridge. >> roy, the super bowl isn't all about gambling and farting. >> i disagree, but go on. >> it's also about having the worst monday of the year, unless you live in ohio. >> cincinnati public schools are giving students the day off after the big game. the school district tweeted in honor of bengal's first super bowl appearance since 1988. c.p.s. will not have school on monday february 14. >> they say so, "everyone can celebrate what we believe will be our city's first super bowl victory." >> make it a national holiday. >> i love this! and as someone who grew up in cincinnati, i will also be taking next monday off. >> you're not from cincinnati. >> yeah, i am. >> name one thing cincinnati is famous for. >> uh... nothing? >> okay.
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>> seriously, this is bullshit. what is this teaching the children of ohio? you're not supposed to get off the day after the super bowl. you're supposed to pretend you have the flu the day after the super bowl. >> by the way, roy, you want to come over to my place to watch the super bowl? >> i can't. i got covid. >> what? right now? >> of course, yeah, right now, i have covid. >> well then what are we doing here in the studio? we should be going to applebee's. >> my man! that's what i'm talking about. let's do it. back to you, trevor. milk shake egg rolls. >> i'm going to try that shit today. >> trevor: thank you so much for that, guys. all right, when we come back, the one and only questlove will be joining us right here in the studio to talk about his oscar-nominated film. film. don't go how much longer? bus, are we there yet? nooo! hey bus, we gotta pull over for some more chips and drinks. oh, you got it. hey guys, got room for one more? got doritos. got mountain dew. we've got one seat left, and it's special just for you.
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park, you know, the blankets, the vat lean for the knees. it was the ultimate black barbecue. and then you start to hear music. and someone speaking. >> for the first time in harlem... >> and you knew it was something bigger. >>alation, the fifth dimension! ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ don't you hear me calling to you, baby ♪ >> trevor: man, i want to watch it again. >> thank you. >> trevor, you know. welcome to the show. >> thank you, thank you for having me. >> trevor: how have you been? >> this is great i love it. >> trevor: there are few people i know who have had more jobs than you and excel. i know people who have had as many jobs but for a bad reason. >> i was one of those people. at one point i thought there was honor in matching james brown and the hardest working man in show business. once i stopped doing everything,
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then a whole new world of magic opened that i never knew of. one of them is what i call "storytelling," or directing. this definitely wasn't on my-- my-- my bingo card back in 200fief. but if you look at it, everything i've done to this point is preparing for this point. those 40 hours could go-- the 40 hours of the footage that sat in the basement for five decades. >> trevor: i still don't-- wait, let's talk about that. i still don't understand that. nobody has seen all of these performances. nobody has seen these moments, what understand in harlem in '69. i will just start with that. how did you even begin to find 40 hours of footage-- it would be like somebody now finding, hey, i found a concert with jay-z and beyonce and michael jackon, just like everybody. >> right. i directed this film and i refused to believe it. i get work back stage at the
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"tonight show," that these two gentlemen want to talk to me about the so-called black woodstock. and i was like black woodstock. i'm thinking of woodstock, and you're saying there's a black version of that. i was like, wait a minute. i'd like to think that i was a music expert or knew things. how come i didn't know that over 300,000 people gathered in harlem for a collective six-weekend affair with stevie wonder, sly stone, b.b. king, mavis staples. how come i didn't know about this? black woodstock? i never heard of it. >> trevor: i don't understand how that's possible. >> i didn't believe-- i didn't believe that it happened. so the very first meeting i thought these two were trying to scam me for a "tonight show" gig or whatever. that's what i thought it was. they came by the next week with a hard drive, and even then i was like, well, footage must be bad or maybe stevie had an off day. >> trevor: right, right, right. >> and everything i saw was
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magic. and to this day, the reason why-- even when i agreed to do this, at first i was just going to compile, like, 17 songs. >> trevor: yes. >> like a mix tape, that sort of thing. but the curiosity kept burning me inside that, like, the question i asked is, "is black erasure this easy?" that's the thing, i think oftentimes when we speak of black lives matter or, you know, is that racist or not racist? i think people think of the most extreme definition of it, like, in their minds, they're saying well i've never once hung somebody to a cross and castrated them or set them on fire. so i'm not racist. but there are other-- there are benign levels of racism as well. and even as sort of the-- sort of the dismibl of, like, well, we'll pass, you know. we're good. for a lot of people, their first
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view of us was either in black face or mired in trouble or controversy or, you know, getting arrested, getting hosed down. but black joy is the component that shows that we're human. you know. and this could have been that moment had it allowed, been allowed the spotlight woodstock had gotten. >> trevor: it was also a crucial time as well, you know, summer of 'skein. a lot was changing in the country. i remember watching this. i had never seen it. i had never seen something like this. to your point, a lot of what you what you see from that time period is a one-dimercial view of black america. it seems black america has only exiexisted in strife, and only strife. and you watch this, and your like man-- i couldn't believe the scale. i couldn't believe the party they were having, who was there and how they were there, how they were performing and what it
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signified. when you told that story, what do you think the significance of this event was? >> the significance of the event, at least what i got from it, was that this was a community trying to heal. and so, for me, shall i say a really beautiful gander into the infinite possibilities of what a future is. you're seeing stevie wonder a mere two years before his genius period. you're seeing nina simone give one of her very first nonjazz, nonlove song, non-broadway musical performance, nina simone stepping into her activism shoes in real time. you're seeing all these artists. but, really, you're also just watching the people. that's the thing. when i say we were robbed of that, not just as black people but the world to see, you know, oh, families just like mine.
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happiness, just like-- and that's sort of the-- that's sort of the-- the missing fiber element in telling our stories from the civil rights period that people don't know. >> trevor: right, right. you look at america's story over and over, it's such a giant country you know where if people don't have an interaction with people on the ground. you don't know a black person. you don't meet a hispanic person. you don't know-- you get what i'm saying? >> right. just knowing someone at your job, doesn't make you-- >> maybe you don't even. that's what i loved about this documentary. i think to what you're saying it showed a joy, it showed a normality, it showed a-- >> there's just a human element that i-- i didn't even know i was looking for. like, because i didn't know that this was going to invoke some sort of emotion out of marilyn mccoo. you hosted "solid gold." how do you remember this very specific show back then? but, you know, when she started to really open up about code switching and, you know, something that every black person relates to on the
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professional job. and even i needed to see that. like, wow, even when you're the number-one singing group in the world, like, you still have to code switch and you still have to always be on guard and you're neverland comfortable. you have longings for just love from your people. >> trevor: right. you just want to be send. i won't lie. i think you deserve every award that this film has won and is going to win because-- >> thank you. >> trevor: you know what it is, man, it's telling a story from history that is lost. it's sharing a joy from history that is lost. and i think it's something that people need today where you go like, "yeah, we can fight here. we can argue. we can deal with what we need to deal with, but at the end of the day, don't forget joy, because that's what makes us human." thank you, man. thank you for being here. thank you for the documentary. now i'm going to watch it again. i watched the clip and i'm back-- >> let's watch it during the commercial break >> trevor: "summer of soul" is currently streaming on hulu and disney+. and will make its broadcast
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television debut february 20th on abc. we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be right back yep, it's go time on the most reliable network. you get unlimited for just $30 bucks. nice! but mine has 5g included. yep, even these guys get it. and the icing on the cake? saving up to $400 bucks? exactly! xfinity mobile. it's wireless that does it all and saves a lot. get the new samsung galaxy s22 series on xfinity mobile. and right now, save big with up to $750 off a new samsung device. switch today. yep, it's go time on the most reliable network. you get unlimited for just $30 bucks. nice! but mine has 5g included. yep, even these guys get it. and the icing on the cake? saving up to $400 bucks? exactly! xfinity mobile. it's wireless that does it all and saves a lot. get the new samsung galaxy s22 series on xfinity mobile. and right now, save big with up to $750 off
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a new samsung device. switch today. before we go: please consider supporting "young, black & lit." they're an organization that sources and distributes new books featuring black main characters to elementary and middle schools at no cost. if you want to support them in their work promoting access to children's books that reflect children's experiences who are black, please donate at the link before. until next time, stay safe out there, get your vaccine. and remember, don't flush your sensitive documents down the toilet. first eat them, digest them, then flush them down. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> people are flushing toilets 10 times, 15 times, as opposed to once. they end up using more water. 10 times, right, 10 times. not me, of course, not me. but you. you. it's kind of gross to talk about, right? i won't-- i won't talk about the fact that people have to flush their toilets 15 times.
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we won't talk about toilets. but you know that's true. 10, 15-- but we don't talk about that. ( toilet captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org ♪♪ -ah! eh! eh! ah! eh! eh! eh! eh! ah! eh! ah! eh! eh! ahhh! oooo, glen's rolling around. this must be good. -damn right, mayor kelly! i am planning the most epic super bowl party ever at my sports bar, cornpepper's, this sunday. the vodka luges will have hepatitis a through c. the football robot, footbot, will be there. i manifested it, and therefore it shall happen. todd, director of public works, high school football coach, are you in? -yeah, i don't see myself missing out on the highlight of my existence. -sick! chelsea, town manager, will you be there?! -football is corrupt, but the only way to change it is from the inside, so i'll be there. -there's nothing that logic can't justify, and it rules!
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kelly, the mayor, bring it home! -i am so there, but because i'm mayor, all attendees must either be vaxxed or bring a negative pcr covid test from the last 24 hours! -what the [bleep] are you talking about?! -[sarcastically] oh, and let's make sure the sprinklers work. -and the decorative guns above the bar aren't loaded. -most of fairview is unvaxxed. covid is out of control. if you throw that party with no precautions, it will kill someone. -that is such an old way of thinking. we live in covid times. parties kill people. -i don't know. there's just something about those corpses overflowing from the covid pit -- combined with our ongoing gun-flavored wage slavery nightmare -- that gives me pause. -wow. i can't believe such lameness is coming from the same kelly sampson who used to swallow four rum-soaked tampons. -shove pizza in her mouth before realizing it was 400 degrees. -then take home the unanimous stupidest guy at the party. [ townspeople chanting "kelly" ] -you were this town's brightest shining dumbass. -god, i miss that dumbass. -we all miss her. -what do you say, kelly? ready to throw
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the most bangin' negligent homicide this town's ever seen? [ townspeople chanting "kelly" ] a heads up: i already told breckman the party was happening. -ugh. i'll just politely tell him to tell everyone that the party is off. -and i would like you to politely eat my ass! what you are advocating for is government tyranny! what next? installing cameras in my house to watch me fill my crack with baby powder? you're sick, kelly sampson! -any chance you're telling everyone about this party because you own a funeral home and a super bowl sunday genocide would buy you a new maserati? -how dare you. i would have to be the biggest sociopath in town to think that. you disgust me. [ tires screech, all scream ] -oh! ohh! cocktails on me, baby! ooh. i love you so much. mwah. you guys are sick! [smooching] ohh. ♪♪ -so you're not worried people will get covid at the covid party? -hell no, and look at the alternative: watching the game here, beef playing switch during the national anthem, grammy graphically describing power bottoming terry bradshaw.
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-i don't love cornpepper's. their only vegetarian option is the mold scraped off the urinal mints. -ashley being a responsible citizen like i give a shit! -mack and i are going to chill at the covid pit. bye! -he gets cuter every time i punch a cheerleader for looking at me strange, which is every day. beef, you forgot -- oh, my gawd. todd, grab a wet rag and look at this because you're about to shit your pants. -"moderna vaccine"? -if we don't set beef right asap, he might do something dangerous like wash his hands! -you're the chancellor of central fairview university, and you're the -- what are you? -i'm her proud husband and a professor of sleeping in a locked chest next to your wife's bed. -so you two must have advice on how to keep a community safe from covid. -absolutely. here's the key: everyone unvaxxed person is one condescending lecture away from freebasing the vaccine. -you gotta talk to them like children, and if they try to talk, you say, "mommy's talking." -i don't think i wanna do that. -you're right. you need to bring in the closer. dr. anthony fauci. -touchdown! -look at him. one more self-congratulatory tv appearance,
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