for me to take a bath with pam. as much as i might want to. he said what? captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com feature will they will let people fact check other people's tweets, which is, yes, another war that is about to start. i don't know why they're going to do that. they're going to let you go, "this is not true. here's the research. here's the thing." i think that's a terrible feature for twitter. i think it's a great feature in real life. i think in real life it would be great to fact check strangers. you know how many times i'm in a restaurant and hear people say shit that's not true. is and i want to lean over and say, kev hasn't been taken over yet. it's bouillabasse. have a good night. by the way, he's been here three times this week and told women the same story. >> announcer: coming to you from the heart of times square in new york, the only city in america,

it's "the daily show. tonight: who's leaving ukraine? the history of over-the-shoulder bolder holders. of and serena williams! this is "the daily show with trevor noah." >> trevor: hey, what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. it is now day eight of vladimir putin's invasion of ukraine, and things are escalating quickly. so let's catch up on all the latest developments in our ongoing segment, "war in ukraine" let's start with the battlefield. as of now, that 40-mile-long convoy of russian tanks and trucks is just sitting outside kyiv. that's all it's doing, is just sitting there. nobody knows why. maybe they're waiting for the right moment to strike, or maybe someone double parked their car in the front, and they have to wait for the driver to come back it out and move it. nobody knows. but while that convoy has

stalled, russia has been ramping up its bombing of civilian areas and they've captured at least one major city in south ukraine. but despite seeing their country decimated by the russian military, the ukrainian people have still shown some remarkable compassion, and believe it or not, they've shown it to the russian soldiers themselves. >> among all the chaos in ukraine, humanity still prevails. this video going viral this morning, appearing to show ukrainians helping a captured russian soldier, giving him tea and food and allowing him to call his mother to tell her that he's okay. you see him right there, in the hat. the soldier is seen fighting back tears, apparently telling his mom he didn't want to be there. ukrainians on social media are telling russian soldiers if they surrender, people will feed them and take care of them. >> trevor: wow. look, man, i don't know all of them, but right now ukrainians seem like some of the best people in the world. they're standing up to one of the biggest militaries on the

planet, and on top of that, they've captured an invading soldier and they're giving him food and drink. you don't see war. in fact, you don't even see humanity like that on twitter. like, one time, i said hot dogs weren't sandwiches, and i still get death threats to this day. i mean, look at that soldier, just look at him. they're giving him sustenance and letting him facetime his mom. do you know what that means? like, you know you're being treated humanely when the worst part of being a prisoner of war is trying to get your mom off the phones. "yes, i am safe, mom. no i... i didn't hear about linda at the office. listen, mom, i have to go. i'm still in war zone-- yes, i know they were together eight months. it is surprising, mom, yes, yes. i told you, mom, when i find someone, i will get married." think about it for a second-- free tea, free food, free wifi. russian prisoners are getting better services service than

passengers on spirit airlines. spirit airlines: you'll wish you were a prisoner of war. meanwhile, the rest of world continues to rally behind the ukrainian people. and it's not just big steps like more sanctions on russian oligarchs or the international criminal court investigating russia for war crimes. no lots and places and lot of people you might not have heard of, by the way, or heard and say "nyet!" >> e.a. sports is now removing russian teams from biggest sports games. they include nhl '22, fifa '22, fifa online, and fifa mobile. >> the russian flag removed at miami international airport. miami-dade county mayor daniella levine cava gave the order this morning in solidarity with ukraine. >> the international cat federation has banned russian cats from competition. officials announced the rule against any cat belonging to russian breeders or exhibitors, saying they could not "witness these atrocities and do nothing." >> trevor: wow, even the

international cat federation is turning against russia. which, by the way, i didn't even know existed. i don't know about you, but i did not know. i'd be worried about pissing off the cat people. you think putin is scary. imagine carole baskin? it is great everyone is showing solidarity against russia, but even cats are getting banned? it's wild cats. where does it go next. at this point i wouldn't be surprised if donald trump came out, "from now on, i will only get peed on by ukrainian women. we're all in this together. i'm doing my part, doing my part." and e.a. sports is taking russian teams out of their video games. but ukraine wants them to go even further. they're calling on video game companies to boycott russia entirely. no games. turn it off "fortnight," turn it

off. if you ask me, that's the opposite of what they should be doing. if you want to interrupt the russian war effort, you should send everyone in russia a free copy of "elden ring." it will stop the war dead in its tracks. you'll take 40 hours getting by the first boss. is he an old man? is he a tree? why is he so hard to fight! video games, the airports, the cat community are all coming together to show russia what they're doing is not cool. and one of the many reasons this is not cool is not because russia is bombing a peaceful country that did nothing to antagonize them. by doing this, they have unleashed one of the worst humanitarian crises europe has ever seen. >> this russian invasion is leading to another emergency unfolding at this hour, the humanitarian crisis just across ukraine's borders >> the united nations refugee agency says at least 1 million ukrainians have fled to neighboring countries and millions more could soon join them. >> tonight, the crush to flee ukraine. we were in this tunnel at the

train station in lviv, refugees packed so tightly they could only shuffle forward, parents clutching their children's hands. there have to be 1,000 people in this tunnel, all of them pushing their way towards the last track here. >> a railway spokesperson saying every hour, 5,000 to 10,000 more people arrive at the leviv station in western ukraine. >> ukrainians are queuing for up to 20 hours trying to cross the border. officials say this humanitarian crisis is only going to get worse. >> this exodus we're seeing from ukraine is the biggest number of people displaced in europe in the shortest amount of time since world war ii. >> trevor: goddamnist, vladimir putin. just imagine one day you're living a normal, peaceful, modern life. and the next day, you're trekking to the romanian border on foot. just think about that for a second. we think the world has ended when our wifi goes down.

these people don't know if they'll ever. get to go home. one of the major costs of wars is people getting displaced. we think of war add "call of duty." but for more treme it's more like oregon trail-- less excite, much harder, and way more depressing. i think we can all agree it's a bad thing, man. it's a bad thing when anything comes close to world war ii levels, whether refugees, fighting, or waistlines. it's always bad. this is what people forget about war. sometimes you hear about a war in another country and you think, oh, well that's sad, but it's over there. so why should i care? but you should care. you should care. you know why? we're all interconnected in the modern age and that means the fallout of that war spreads all over, whether the refugee crisis or the rising gas prices or the stock market-- the ripple effects are everywhere. in a way, putin didn't just invade ukraine. he's also invaded your gas tanks. he's invaded your grocery bill.

he's invaded your social media freeze feedz. you want to scroll and look at thoughts and now instead it's thoughts and prayers. one glimmer of hope for these refugees is that all of ukraine's neighboring countries are welcoming them with open arms. >> a warm drink and a hug in moldova. in slovakia, a chance to watch cartoons. >> ukrainians welcomed by hungarian officials and aid workers. each upon hand a solidarity ticket ticket, a free seat on another train to the hungarian capital, where more help awaits. the european union is talking tg about giving them three years of temporary residency so they can work. they can access benefits. >> in poland, they have opened their borders, opened their arms to as many ukrainian refugees as will arrive. >> we keep our borders open. the nationalities of all

countries who suffer from russian aggression or whose lives are at risk can seek shelter in my country. >> poland's commissioner to the e.u. personally offered to host a family of refugees in his own home in warsaw, but the refugees had found an alternative place to stay. >> trevor: this is amazing, people. all these countries in europe have stipped up to take in all of these refugees. what's also amazing is if i heard correctly, the polish commissioner to the e.u. offered to host a family of refugees in his home. but they had, "no thanks. we found another place." i don't care what you say, that's got to hurt. you think you're helping refugees and they're like, "wow, so is that your kitchen? it's only been eight days. my standards haven't dropped that much." seeing the refugees greeted with open arms and full heart gives me a glimmer of hope seeing people helping people in need. it is interesting that eastern europe has been so willing and able tol accept a million people

coming into their countries in just a few days, when just recently, just recently, they didn't seem to have any space for a different group of refugees. >> the humanitarian crisis in europe continues to grow. hundreds of thousands of refugees streaming in from syria and elsewhere. als the arguing another with no clear path. >> the e.u. has effectively paid turkey to keep syrians from getting to greece. >> poland had pledged to take in a number of the refugees, saying now that it is not going to do that. >> we will not be receiving migrants from the middle east and north africa in poland. >> this is hungary's solution to the flood of refugees pouring in: a 13-foot fence topped with razor wire running about 115 miles along its border with serbia. >> police in riot gear told they can shoot rubber bullets at anyone who tries to cross. >> hostility here in hungary,

video shocking the world, the hungarian camerawoman kicking that girl as she runs from police. and this: as a man runs by carrying a small child, she trips him, and he falls to the ground. >> hungary's prime minister, viktor orban, had a message for the migrants themselves. >> the moral human thing is to make clear, please don't come. >> trevor: that's really strange. when it's syrians who are fleeing a war, it's, "we do not have space. do not come." but now there's space and people must come. what changed? when the syrians needed refuge, even the camera crew was drop-kicking families. now ukrainians are getting accommodations, they're getting visas, they're getting work benefits. which is a good thing, i'm just saying, where is their drop kick. we don't have to speculate. we don't have to speculate about why they're treating ukrainians so differently from refugees and the middle east. the prime minister of bull carry

said,"these are not the refugees we are used to. these people are europeans. these people are intelligent. they are educated people." yeah. it's kind of a shocking thing to say. but at the same time, i will say, i'm impressed that the prime minister of bulgaria has found the time to get to know all one million refugees that have fled ukraine in the past week. you must be very efficient at taking small talk. where are you from? what do you do? what do you think? i like you? don't get me wrong. i understand the arguments that these countries will make, that they have to think about how easy it is for refugees to integrate into their culture and society. i get that. i truly get that. just like it's easier for you to take in a family member who is in trouble than a random person who needs help. like lots of kid got in one little fight with a couple of guys up to no good, but there's a reason they only took in will. i get it. it doesn't mean it's impossible. and the problem i have is that

when it's syrians or africans on a boat, these countries didn't even try to integrate them. they didn't say, "women and children only." no, they reject even the chance that anyone brown could asimulate. "your skin is it too dark. you couldn't possibly eat borscht." and i know right now, there's somebody who is like, "trevor, again with the racism. what is it with black people and the racism? always talking about race. you know i go years at a time without even thinking about racism. it's easy. why don't you try." well maybe the black people are always talking about racism is because racism is always happening to the black people. and we're seeing it again now in ukraine. >> african and indian students stuck in ukraine are accusing officials of discriminating against them and pushing them back from getting to the border. this video posted to twitter reads, "watch how they're threatening to shoot us. they're at the border and police and the army are refusing to let

africans cross. they're only allowing ukrainians. >> foreign students who faced segregation and racism as they fled to safety at this border crossing to poland. some say they were told they can't board busses because they were meant for ukrainians only. >> videos have been posted on social media said to show black people being prevented from boarding a train and left stranded at a railway station in lviv as ukrainians were allowed on. >> one congo native saying he was discriminated against while trying to board a train out of ukraine. >> they even told us, like, "we are going to give you guns, and you're going to fight for ukraine." i said, "we're gonna fight for ukraine? we are not ukrainian. we are black, so how can we fight for ukraine?" >> trevor: just think about this for a moment. black people-- students, tourists, visitors-- many are saying they cannot get out of the country. they can't get out because they're blacked. they just get blocked at the border. for this guy, this is wild.

imagine being prevented from leaving the country, and not just that, but they say not only can you not leave. you have to grab a gun and fight. that is insane. people from other countries haven't been told they have to fight. why does he? the british person gets to go. the african guy you have to stay. we've watched "beasts of no nation." we know you can handle yourself. that's not fair. when you go to another country you don't expect they're going to conscript you into a war. you don't think you'll be fighting in their army. the louvre would get a lot few visitors, come see the mona lisa. maybe you fight with us in the war. have you seen the pyramids. wx! it's extremely weird to ask some random african guy to fight for ukraine. why is that expected of him? why can't he join the fight the way white people from other countries do, by posting an insta of the ukrainian flag with a little heart emojy. i'm here for you ukraine. that's not the point. the bigger point is that there

seems to be a widespread discrimination against people of color trying to flee a war zone. and it's nuts. it's really nuts to see border guards suddenly turn into club bouncers. "everybody on the bus. hold on, no hoodies, no sneakers. and the hot friend, she can come on." not to mention, it's going to be super confusing for the russian army when they roll into kyiv and there are only black people left. "comrades, i think we took wrong turn somewhere. i told you, don't use apple maps! use waz e. i know because of these stories there are many africans and many middle easterns seeing these video, and saying, screw you, ukraine. putin can take ukraine and have poland for desert. they're saying that. you can see it online. people are angry. how can you let racism get in the way of getting people out of war? i think rather than this being a moment to turn on each other, this refugee crisis should be a

reminder that refugee is not a synonym for brown person. anyone could become a refugee. it's a thing that happens to you. it's not who you are. who knows, maybe one day, you might be a refugee. i hope it doesn't happen to you, but it could. and if, god forbid, that day comes, wouldn't you want someone without any prejudice in their heart, to open their doors to you to woman you into their home so you can look around their house and say, "eh, thanks. i think i can cobetter." all right, when we come back, desi lydic will take a look at the history of bras. and the one and only serena williams is joining us on the show. you don't want to miss

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>> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." as you know--s you should know march is women's history month, and to celebrate, we turn to desi lydic, where she doesn't explore his-tory, but hist-her-y. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> bras, also known as brassieres, or more formally, over-the-shoulder bolder holders. the histories of women and their bras have been pushed together and held there for as long as we can remember. and you can always tell a lot about what's going on with women in society by how their breasts are being stored, from the ancient romans wearing

bandeau-style sports bras for athletic competitions. to women from the early aughts, who shot whipped cream out of their bras. when i was nursing i could never quite get my milk to come out that frothy. one of the earliest versions of the bra was in the middle ages when women could wear two fabric bags over their breasts inside their clothing. these ladies didn't have time for cute underwear. it was the 1300s. they were more concerned with and not dying from a paper cut. for a while, during the french revolution and victorian eras, bras took a back seat to corsets which ever so gently molded a woman's body into that super-desirable hourglass figure because nothing is sexier than a woman who might be filled with sand. luckily, by the end of the 19th century, a french woman named herminie cadolle had designed the first and would now be considered school clothes on

"euphoria." it gave women more freedom than the traditional corset. but it was still impossible to take your bra off through your shirt in the locker room at planet fitness. be right there! don't start zumba without me! thankfully, in 1914, a 19-year-old named caresse crosby invent aid bra that ditched the corset all together. crosby wanted a bra to wear to her debutante ball that was actually comfortable so she made one herself out of two hankerchiefs tied together with a ribbon. it turned out to be a huge hit at the ball. probably because in a corset bra the only dance a woman could do and no one likes the person at the party doing the robot, especially before robots were invented. ♪ ♪ ♪ she's possessed! fetch father mulcahy. oh! with her new bra, caresse crosby and women everywhere were liberated. except for the fact that they were still women in 1914. but aside from that, liberated! crosby's bra was a hit, but it continued to evolve.

and by the 1950s, new styles led to an all-out boob party. bras became an intrinsic part of fashion, with underwires and padding, allowing women to emulate the stars of the era, like marilyn monroe and jane mansfield. an ample bosom was as synonymous with 1950s womanhood as not having a bank account or getting excited when you get a vacuum for your anniversary. and it wasn't just about the curves. thanks to torpedo bras, it was also about the pointiness, which may look a little odd now, but at the time, it was the cold war, so it made sense to have extra missiles on hand in case russia invaded. but while bras were supporting women, not all women were supporting bras. in fact, by the late 1960s, going braless became a fashion statement. boobs were free to hang and move around and swing as much as all the couples at the party. it was a great time for boobs. except for all the polyester

they were rubbing again for the first time. but contrary to popular belief, burning bras was never actually a thing. what did happen is that in 1968, demonstrators were protesting the miss america pageant for being sexist, racist, and forcing women to solve world peace in 10 seconds. you need at least five minutes to do that. so protesters tossed symbols of their oppression into what they referred as the "freedom trash can." when is also what i call the dumpster outside of whole foods. and those symbols of oppression included bras, but they never actually set them on fire. that's just a myth, like mild menstrual cramps or "the male orgasm." i'll believe it when i see it. but by that point, bras were so ingrained in society that many people struggled with the idea that they can be optional. the idea took hold that not wearing a bra was somehow inappropriate or unprofessional, like in 1990, when a woman in arkansas was found in contempt of court when the judge said her breasts were obviously showing through her shirt.

objection, your honor! my right to a fair trial is up here! and only a few years ago, a florida high school student was forced to put band-aids over her nipples at school. that's a trip to the school nurse that will also send you to the school psychiatrist. i'm just kidding. american schools can't afford those. but for those who want to wear them, it's a great time for bras right now. bra designers are no longer telling women what they should be wearing. instead, they're listening to what women want to wear. there are so many comfortable options now from athleisure to sports bras. women can live a life where they aren't being squeezed like an empty tube of toothpaste, and there's no telling what the future of bras will be like. maybe 20 years from now all bras will be n.f.t.s. who knows. not me. i literally don't know what that means. but whatever form bras take, there's one thing you can always count on-- they will lose their shape in the dryer, but only if you wash them in the first place. >> trevor: thank you so much,

desi. all right, when we come back, the one and only serena wi

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new vicks vapostick. strong soothing vapors... help comfort your loved ones. which we already mentioned... for chest, neck, and back. it goes on clear. no mess just soothing comfort. try new vicks vapostick. my guest tonight is legendary tennis champion and entrepreneur, serena williams. she's here to talk about her venture fund and being an executive producer of "king richard." serena williams, welcome to "the daily show." >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: it's truly an honor to have you here, especially at a moment like this in life, you know, because it's not every day that i or anybody gets to talk to one of the greatest of all time in any aspect, you know. you've conquered the tennis court. but now it seems like serena is going to be conquering the business world in a really meaningful way.

serena ventures. the last i heard you it $111 million for the venture capital firm? >> yes, yes, we did. i realized-- i've actually been investing for about nine years. and i realized the venture capital ecosystem really needs more inclusive people, really. when i learned that less than 2% at the time of women got funding from all v.c. money, honestly, i didn't believe that stat. and i thought it was necessary for me to enter in a legit way. of and i kept building sevena ventures for years and here we are, raising our first funds at $111 million. >> trevor: it's a really powerful place to begin a journey, because a lot of people on the ground-- myself included, many years ago-- i didn't know what venture capital was. i didn't understand the importance of venture capital. i didn't understand that becomes the seed that essentially grows the trees that are the biggest companies we see on every stock exchange. so if you can get people in on the ground there, you can change their lives forever. why did you decide to jump into

a world that does not play nice, isn't the friendliest environment, especially to women, and then especially to women of color? >> yeah, so for me, it was really important just that, like, it's on the ground floor where you want more diversity and where you want more people involved, and that's where if you're looking to create, you know, wealth or however you want to look at it, that's where it starts, you know. and it's no better way to start there. also, i love technology. i have a natural love and just thing that i love about technology, and i've always want to be a part of it, hence my journey that started so long ago, into venture. and eventually, when you invest in early stage-- so we do early-stage investing. when you do that, you're really able to not only help how a company thinks and how a company performs, but also the first hires of a company. so those first five, the first 10 are so key. but if you really help a company

shape how they hire, then it has, "a," a better chance to succeed, but it also has a better chance to think of inviting everyone to the table. >> trevor: one of the craziest things i saw-- i mean, everyone saw it. you responded to it on twitter-- was "the new york times" posting about, you know, like they had an article about your venture capital firm and the money and everything. but then they used your sister's picture. what you said was really powerful. but i wondered from your point of view, like, what was the motion behind it? like, were you hurt? were you disappointed? were you angry? >> honestly, me playing tennis in a sport that has been predominantly, you know, white, especially when i first started, you can't allow yourself to get too upset about those things and emotionally take that home-- especially if you're a mom or you have a family. it's definitely not something you want to be involved in. you definitely have to just, you know, just understand, say something about it, like i did, and let it go. for me it was really just about

letting people know that this is why i started this fund, you know, because there is still space that needs to happen. there are things that need to happen. and we need to grow from that. and so that was really important for me. >> trevor: i couldn't help feeling from your response that, like, that was a little bit of, you know, your mom and dad coming through. now, i haven't met them, but i'm one of the millions of people who watched the movie, and i and i feel like i've met your family-- it's true. that's how i felt. but thank you for that. it felt like, you know, the williams family has this tenacious attitude. the williams family goes, like, "we're going to address b.s. when we see it, but we're not going to let it derail us from what we do." i actually have a clip from the movie, one of my favorite moments in the film. if we could play that here. >> daddy, are you okay? >> when i was your age, i used to have to fight every day. if it wasn't the ku klux klan or the police or the white boys

from the next town, somebody was something, and i had no daddy to stand in their way. they really never had no respect for richard williams. but they're going to respect y'all. >> trevor: i love that scene. i love it so-- i love the portrayal. is it weird to see will smith as your dad? >> you know, it was. it definitely was. i've gotten so used to it now, now when i him i'm like, "hey, dad." ( laughter ) but in the beginning, it was definitely weird because it just was just weird. but he did such a great job of just becoming richard williams, to a point where it was-- it was actually like i was looking at my dad or really remembering those moments when-- when we were together and when we were younger. and it-- it's really amazing how he-- everything that he did in that film. >> trevor: it does feel like "king richard" was just the

origin story for, you know, a burgeoning world. the sequel-- when the movie ends-- and i won't spoil it for people who haven't seen it-- all i want to do is see your movie now. i want to see your sister's movie, i want to see your family. >> right. >> trevor: wait, wait, wait, what do you mean this is it? i couldn't believe it was over. i thought it was just getting started. that journey is a really special one. i would love to know how your family managed to keep the love between and your sister so intense, even when there were so many moments for the two of you to have resentments towards each other, because you don't. you love each other, you support each other, and yet you compete against each other. >> and that's really important because, again, like, when you asked me about "the new york times" piece, it was like, well, we can't allow that to affect our lives. and we grew up and we still are extremely spiritual people and really have a great base of faith. and we know that we have so much more to look forward to. and then we also know that at

the end of the day, like tennis you know, but family lasts forever. even when i'm playing my sister i think okay this is just for this moment. this is just for this day. and even if we're emotional about it for a couple of days later, she's always going to be my flesh and blood and nothing else is going to ever come in between that. and so it's really important for us to kind of feel that and just why so much just kind of rolls off our shoulders and we just kind of just go with it. >> trevor: i have a few personal questions-- >> while making a statement. >> trevor: i have a few personal questions, just as a fan from my side. number one, who is responsible for your backhand? we didn't really get the answer in the movie. your mom claims the credit. your dad wants to claim the credit. who made the serena backhand? >> uhm, it was definitely a combination of both, but i spent a lot of time on the court with my mom growing up, when i was in that age. but when i got a little older, it was just-- i would spend more time with my dad.

so it's definitely a mix. >> trevor: okay, and then with regards to your daughter, she has two parents who come from extremely different worlds. i mean their worlds are merging now, funnyly enough. but, you know, you have the tech dad and the superstar sports mom. what's the thing that she sort of gravitates towards more? if you put a computer in front of her or a tennis racket, what is the first thing she would grab? >> well, probably the computer because it has all her little tv shows on it and the movies. so definitely that. but, you know, i'm just-- i'm a fan of tennis. and i definitely root for her to play. but, also, i'm like it could be a lot of pressure, so definitely looking at her playing different sports. we haven't quite decided. and it's so interesting now how parents, i can say, i think of it, because it's like, you know, my parents had a whole plan. and we're just like, "well, you know, we'll see if she wants to do this. so it's a completely different thing, and yeah, that's just-- yeah, i don't know. my dad and my mom were really amazing, and personally, i don't

know if i could have done it. >> trevor: i think you-- i think you can do it because you're a product of theirs. i think you're doing it already. serena williams, thank you for joining me on the show. congratulations on everything you've done-- venture capital, conquering the courts-- congrats to your family and thank you for being here with us. >> thank you. and thank you for having me. >> trevor: "king richard" is available in select theaters, on v.o.d. and dvd. we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. ight.

but before we go: in honor of women's history month, "the daily show" has partnered with lolly lolly ceramics to create three special edition "daily show" mugs! all month long, lolly lolly's mugs will be right here on our desk, and each thursday night, we'll be putting up a few of them online for you to buy. so, if you want to support a

black-owned, women-run small business and look fresh while drinking your coffee, or whatever you want, head to the link below. until next time, stay safe out there, get your vaccine, and remember: don't get captured by ukrainians, because they're gonna insist you have lunch, even if you already ate. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> daniel mcadams-- just take a-- just take a bit of a chill pill. i can't even address the question to you. relax. calm down. >> i don't want to relax. my country is at war. and you are-- >> mr. mcaddams-- don't, mr. mcadams, don't sit here and lecture us, mr. mcadams. >> i'm not talking! it's the other guy who is talking! i haven't been able to say a word. >> absolutely. the man has gone completely ballistic. >> dear host, i have not said a word yet. i don't know why i'm yelling at you. >> i'm talking about mr. mcadams. >> i am mr. mcaddams and i

haven't said a word. so stop yelling at me. >> sorry, i got that confused. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - so we meet again, jennifer lopez. "no, no, please! this time i swear i won't make any more albums or movies." - that's what you said last time, but obviously we must now resort to more drastic measures. - "oh, god, it burns! it burns!" - scream for me, bitch! - "aah!"

both: whoa! awesome! - hey, guys, you guys, come here; you got to check this out! - oh, no, what now? - no, you guys, this is really cool. come on! - what's this all about, kenny? - [muffled] - watch this. it's so funny. come here, garden, come on. red rocket, red rocket! red rocket, red rocket, heh-heh! come on! - cartman, what the hell are you doing? - i'm milking the dog. they make dog milk. - no, they don't. - yeah, they do! - yeah, just hold on a minute. the 5th graders showed us how to do it. red rocket, come on, dog, red rocket. oh, hoo! - whoa, cool! - that's awesome! - i told you guys. - i had no idea dogs made milk. do it again. - dumb-ass, you can only milk a dog once every few hours. it doesn't work if you beat off a dog again right away. - you "beat off?" - that's what it's called when you milk a dog, beating it off. don't you guys know anything? - wow, you learned all this from the 5th graders? - yeah, i guess they thought we were cool, so they showed us how to do it. hey, come here, dog. dog, come here. heh-heh-heh. - i was really happy with this month's book. i agree with what bob and linda said-- - mom, dad, you got to see this! - not now, stanley.

this is mommy and daddy's book club night, remember? - but it's super cool! - later, sweetie. anyway, i found myself enticed by steinbeck's imagery. - the first chapter alone was filled with poetry. - oh, wasn't it? i mean, the first sentence... - red rocket, red rocket! - "cannery row in monterey in california is a poem, a stint, a grating noise." it's amazing how, with three images, he puts you right there and... - red rocket, red rocket! - stanley, what the hell are you doing? - i'm beating off the dog. red rocket, red rocket! - stanley, you go to your room right now! - my room, why? - go, stanley! [dog panting] - [laughs nervously] he gets very good grades. stanley, do you know why you're being grounded for ten months? - no! - beating off the dog is not appropriate when we have company. i mean...ever! beating off the dog is not appropriate ever. - why? what's the big deal? - stanley, don't you understand what you were doing? - i was doing red rocket to make the dog's milk come out. - no, stan, what you're doing to the dog was... sexual.