elaine, you found the clubs. that's wonderful news. -where are they? -yep. let me get 'em for you, mr. peterman. oh, i'll be inaugurating them this weekend, with none other than ethel kennedy. a woman whose triumph in the face of tragedy is exceeded only by her proclivity to procreate. the, uh... the letter of... authenticity is in the side pocket there. elaine.

i never knew kennedy had such a temper. oh-- oh, yeah. [chuckles] the only thing worse was his slice. [chuckles] see you on monday. have a good game. [♪♪]

voted unanimously to permanently stay on daylight saving time. unanimously, people. across the board. obviously it passed the house but they were, like, no, this is terrible, the clock is moving backwards, forwards, we just want to stay on daylight savings or as the rest of the world calls it, time. think about how no one greece on anything in this country. and the senate, guys, everyone. elizabeth warren, mitch mcconnell, every one of them is, like, yeah, we all agree on this thing. i love looking for moments in life where you can find the common humanity to know that i hate the clock switching, the know that mitch mcconnell shares that hate with me as a human being, knowing how beautiful it is that some mornings i wake up, i look at the clock and i'm like, aaahhh! and wherever he is, mrrarar --

that guy gives me hope. >> coming to you from the heart of times square in new york city, the only city in america, "the daily show"." tonight, dolly can't win! we need to talk about kanye. and deepak chopra. this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! >> trevor: hey, what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. let's jump straight into today's headlines. we begin with the latest developments in the russian invasion of ukraine. this morning, the prime ministers of three european countries, poland, slovenia, and the czech republic, took the extraordinary step of meeting with ukrainian leaders in kyiv as a sign of europe's "unequivocal support," which, guys, you've got to admit, that's really admirable. these people are having an in-person meeting inen a active war zone. meanwhile, some of us are too

scared to go back to the office. we say it's about covid but it's really about dave at the water cooler. with the outside world stepping up pressure on russia, russia is now fighting back. in a classic move of i know what you are but what am i, russia announced it is slapping sanctions on high profile american targets including president biden, white house press secretary jen psaki, hillary clinton and hunter biden. yes, russia says that they will no longer be able to travel to russia and any assets they have in russia have been frozen, which, i mean, sounds ridiculous. i doubt any of those people have assets in russia. especially joe biden. he keeps his money hidden behind his nephew's ear. what? russia is carrying out a way more serious crackdown on its own citizens with laws in place against protesting the war in any way. and some russians have been trying to find a loophole,

turning out in public. it's a clever idea. turns out the russian government is not laughing. >> meanwhile in russia, protestors continue to be arrested. according to this video by activists, this woman holds up a sign that simply reads two words, before police take her away. over 14,000 people have been arrested for protesting the war in ukraine. russian police have even detained people for carrying blank signs. >> trevor: damn, that is next-level censorship right there. imagine that, even people holding up blank signs, nothing on it, are getting arrested in russia. think about it, if you see a blank sign and you automatically assume people are criticizing you, that's your insecurity showing. they clearly think they have something to be ashamed of. if i saw a blank sign, somebody standing outside the blank show holding a blank sign i would be, yes, i have lost weight, thank you! you don't see it?

i see it. according to reports, the russian government now arrested over 13,000 protestors which may not seem like a huge number, but russia, where getting arrested may mean your life is over, 13,000 is a lot. 14,000 is like two tables worth of people, in numbers putin could appreciate. in economic news, the entire world is facing massive supply chain issues and with companies unable to solve this problem, some are finding a way to work around it. >> ford motor company is taking drastic steps as they deal with a computer chip shortage. they'll now ship some explorers without computer chips for the rear air conditioning and heat controls. the missing semiconductors will be sent to dealers to install within a year. a way to get explorers to customers faster during a shortage. the ac and heat can still be controlled from the front seats. ford says customer buying the

explorers without chips will get a price reduction. >> trevor: bravo, ford. this is smart. instead of delaying sales because of chime shortages, ford is going to give you the car unfinished and then you can install the chip later on. essentially ford is using the same tricks we use in relationships. you tell someone when you meet them, i'm not a perfect person now but if you give me a year or two i'll get my shit together. now, you won't get your shit together but you made the sail. not for nothing, but anyone who's ever bought a new car knows the experience of trying to get the price knocked down by removing bells and whistles. i've run knows you're trying to buy a new car and then they say, sorry, doesn't work that way, it all comes with the package. but now we know the truth, suddenly they can't get a part and now they're, like, oh, we can remove features and charge youless. now most of us are out here with

a retractable moon roof and have a few extra hundred in our pocket. now we know car manufacturers can do this, they should make everything optional on a car. if i want to save a couple of thousand for not having brakes, that should be up to me, i'll put the brakes in later. we'll see how this shit goes. this makes you realize a lot of the problems we have in society aren't problems. we've just gotten used to fancy shit. cars not having heat controls in the back, that's not a problem. back in the day, you didn't have to worry about the chip that controls the temperature in the back seat because if you were in the back seat you had no say. yeah, which is the way it's supposed to be, by the way. you know who chooses the temperature in the car? the person who pays for the car! you're going to come in my car and choose your own temperature. over, trevor, i prefer 70 degrees. yeah, and i prefer people who can drive themselves. shut up, grandpa, let's just get you to the hospital. he died a long time ago.

the car was too cold for him. whoever was in the front seat could choose the music or what to scream at the the dude that stole your parking space. that guy took might have spot, you ass bucket! i got this. you ass bucket. see, that's how it's done. finally, let's move on to entertainment news about country superstar dollia parton -- dolly parton, not only is she one of the world's greatest singer/song wriers, she's one of the world's most beloved people. everyone loves dolly parton. i'm sure q anon is, like, she eats babies like all the other celebrities but they deserve it. she needs all our love. >> dolly is saying thanks but no thanks to the rock and roll hall of game. she said while grateful, she's pulling out of this year's

nominations. she posted a statement on social media saying i don't feel i've earned that right. i really do not want votes to be split because of me so i must respectfully bow out. >> this is not the time parton turned out a major honor. last year she asked tennessee lawmakers to drop a bill that would submit her legacy in statue form at the state's capitol. she said she declined the presidential medal of freedom twice. >> i don't work for those awards. it would be nice but i'm not sure i even deserve it. >> trevor: wow. how dolly parton is treating the major awards like a random dude on the street trying to hand her a flier. can i interest you in the presidential medal of freedom? not today, honey, god bless you, not today. for those of you who said dolly doesn't deserve the rock and

roll hall of fame, is wrong. turning it down is the most hall of fame thing you could do. i get why dolly parton doesn't want a statue of herself. we've seen how celebrity statutes can turn out. you think it's going to honor your legacy but shows what you would look like if you were left in the microwave for 45 minutes. but, yeah, dolly parton doesn't do any of this for the awards which is truly wonderful. it says so much about her and i think it sets a great example for the rest of us what we should aspire for, you know. this is why we here at "the daily show" are honored to present dolly parton with this special award of the most humble person in the world. congratulations, dolly, you did it! yeah, oh, man! oh! and by the way, this wared doesn't just come with a trophy, it also comes with $27,000 from my bank account.

yes. unfortunately, dolly parton has refused to accept this award so i'm just going to keep that money. all right! now the rock and roll hall of fame aren't the only awards coming up. a couple of weeks from now are the oscars which a lot of people are excited about. lewis black is not one of those people, as we're about to find out in a segment called back in black. ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ >> the oscars are just around the corner! that magical night when america's finest actors seethe with rage while british people pretending to be americans steal their awards! if you're not excited about the academy awards, welcome to the club! they suck! for years, the oscars broadcast has drawn fewer people than the strip aerobics class i teach! it's exercise, and it helps me unlock my sensuality. so this year the producers are

trying to get us watching again in ways that range from the idiotic to the insane! >> the producers of the oscars are slowing down the broadcast to boost ratings. eight awards will be presented off hair including film eediting, makeup, hairstyling and musical original score. the ceremony for those categories will begin an hour before the telecast. the winners will be sprinkled into the three-hour broadcast. the president of the academy says the changes are necessary for the future success of the oscars. >> you can't cut out the men and women who work behind the scenes. without them on stage, the oscars are just awards for hollywood's greatest sex criminals! how sad is it that the academy decided the reason people don't want to watch its awards show is that there are too many awards, recognizing excellence through awards is the whole point. without that the oscars are totally meaningless. also, with that, the oscars are

totally meaningless! it's especially unfair not to broadcast that makeup and hairstyle oscars. those people are the backbone of our industry. i have a whole team of people working hours to make me this beautiful. now if people simply don't care about the little awards, then, sure, cutting them will make the show more appealing. the problem is nobody cares about the big awards either because they keep nominating movies nobody has seen! okay. i did see the power of the dog but only because they tricked me into thinking it was a superhero movie. if the dog doesn't fly, that's not a power. so now the academy has a real problem. sure, they could just nominate movies ordinary people like but that wouldn't be a good idea either was ordinary people are morons who only like dumb movies that don't deserve nominations. so instead, they've come up with the perfect way to pander to fans, while also insulting our

intelligence. >> and the motion picture academy is looking to get film fans involved. the hollywood reporter says this year folks on twitter get to vote on their favorite movies of last year using hashtag oscars fan favorite. can be any title so you're not limited just to this year's nominated pictures. the movie that gets the most fan votes will be recognized during the oscar show. >> what a great idea! let's let russian bots choose the oscars. they did such a terrific job with our elections. there's already a vote for fan favorite. it's called buying a ticket, asshole! if the oscars are so desperate for viewers, there are better ways to get eyeballs than cutting categories or polling twitter. how about a halftime show, it works for the super bowl. also, how about making the stars smash their heads together until they get brain damage.

it worked for the super bowl, but, really, we all know what makes the oscars such a drag. those interminable speeches and clearly playing people up with music doesn't do jack shit. and that's why i've come up with a way to guarantee the winners don't wear out their welcome. all right, everyone, let's keep it short. my bus transfer expires in 15 minutes, and i intend to use it. >> thank you. to the academy, our heroes unite us. the best among us who inspire us to find the best in ourselves. you know, when they unite us, when we look to our heroes, we agree -- >> yeah, we all agree your speech has gone on long enough, save the rest for your diary, bridget jones. >> venus and serena and selena,

bob dilan, scorsese, fred rogers, harriet tubman, new armstrong, sally ride, delores -- >> the armstrong speech was one sentence! you're a disgrace to his legacy! ( cheers and applause ) >> thank you. thank you all so very much. as the hottest year in recorded history our production needed to move to the southern tip of this planet just to be able to find snow. >> you've got to be kidding me the glaciers might be melting but they move faster than this. for the last time keep the speeches short and to the point! >> we feel entitled to artificially inseminate a cow and when she gives birth we steal her baby even though her cries of anguish are unmistakable, then we take her milk suspended for her calf and put it in our coffee and cereal. >> not for nothing but if you wrapped that up earlier, i wouldn't have needed a midnight

snack! >> that's not only a great idea, it's a great performance! where's my oscar? back to you, trevor. >> trevor: thank you so much for that, louis. when we come back, kim, kanye, pete and why it's (vo) for me, one of the best things about life is that we keep moving forward. we discover exciting new technologies. redefine who we are and how we want to lead our lives. basically, choose what we want our future to look like. so what's yours going to be? long day, huh? [sfx: beer can opening] hey buddy! you want a sam adams? your cousin. from boston. ♪ ♪ wickeds all around! cheers! get it girl. robots! robots! robots! this is the best night of my life.

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xfinity mobile runs on america's most reliable 5g network, but for up to half the price of verizon, so you have more money for more stuff. this phone? fewer groceries. this phone? more groceries! this phone? fewer concert tickets. this phone? more concert tickets. and not just for my shows. switch to xfinity mobile for half the price of verizon. new and existing customers get amazing value with our everyday pricing. switch today. >> trevor: one to have the strangest things to try and wrap your head around, i find especially in america, is when a

story stops only applying to tht it's in but sort of the sector it's in and when it starts affecting everybody or speaking to everybody. you know, what i mean by that is there are some stories that are purely, like, entertainment. it's tabloid, it is what it is. there are some stories that are only sports. there are some stories that are only in the world of -- but there are some stories i feel transcend everything and speak to larger conversations. i honestly think the kim kardashian, kanye west, pete davidson situation is turning into that. it started very much in the land of tabloid, but i feel it's creeping and has crept into a world that more people should pay attention to but not for the reason that you may think. you know? for those who don't -- for those who don't know, kim kardashian was married to kanye west. if you don't know that, i really envy your life. i want to know how you roll and avoid these things.

but they were married, they got divorced, and, over time, kanye has become more and more belligerent in how he tries to get kim back. when it started, some would say it's romantic, oh, i want you back and here are roses and this is my dream. some people are, like, okay, it makes sense, you're trying to win someone back, but over time it's more and more belligerent. one to have the most extreme examples is kanye put out a music video, a claimation video. he chops off pete davidson's head. we all understand this, like, i wish this guy was dead is what kanye was saying. kanye says, no, this is just art, i don't want to hurt him. this is art, don't judge my art. here's the thing, first of all, like from a rap perspective, i was sad that claimation and rap beats are a weird combination. hard to be a gangster with

claimation. you have to do one graham at a time. i do understand art can be therapy, i do understand that, but i also understand therapy can be therapy. do you know what i mean? what's weird about the situation is kanye west has told us he struggles with his mental health. i get it. you want to have artist therapy. but what kanye doesn't understand is what we're seeing is -- it makes you uncomfortable, man, because here's the thing, eminem was eminem from the beginning -- i'm going to kill my ex-wife and -- but it was his schtick and we knew it. he wasn't that person. with kanye, we don't know how to feel, how to worry. we understand kanye says, leave me to create my art. but, kanye, you told us you have problems. are we to worry or not? do you have problems or not? it puts kanye in a precarious

position. that's because of his harassment of kim. a lot of people says kim kardashian loves publicity, celebrity, this is her life and her thing. yeah, i get it, but there's also an element of a woman saying to her ex, hey, please leave me alone. you know what i mean? please leave me alone. this story keeps escalating. you've got kanye west who's harassing kim kardashian and pete davidson who's embroiled in the whole thing and the story escalated to a new level when now pete davidson leaked texts he sent back and forth with kanye. he sent himself to kanye west and kanye said where are you? and he said, i'm in your wife's bed. funny, right, and we also don't -- we don't know what is doing. with eknow what he's implying.

because to have the pandemic, in your bed could mean anything. my bed used to be a place for sleep and sex, now it's for a living room/meeting area. but we get what pete was going with, i'm in bed with your wife. then after that a bunch of texty he says let's talk as men, let me help you with your mental health. i've also got mental health issues. that part of the message was beautiful. but to start a message with i'm in bed with your life, and then go let me help with your mental health. you've added to the mental health to have the person you're trying to help with. it's like roasting somebody while giving them cpr and now this thing, it's spun into a story that seems fully tabloid, but i think -- i think deserves a little more awareness from the general public because it touches on something that is more sensitive and serious than

people would like to admit. i know people think it's a marketing stunt. kim is launching a new show. two things are true, kim likes publicity and kim is harassed. those can be happening at the same time. i see a woman who wants to live her life without being harassed by an exboyfriend, husband or anything. you may not feel sorry for kim because she's rich, the way she dresses, promotes black culture, calls women lazy, broke the internet and put it back together, whatever, you hate her. but what she's going through is terrifying to watch and shines a spotlight on what so many women go through when they choose to leave. people say a that phrase to women, why didn't you leave? why didn't you leave? a lot of women realize when they do leave the guy will get even crazier. when i say crazy, i don't mean mental health crazy, you know what i mean.

the point is kim kardashian and countless other women find selves in a terrible position because asking kanye to stop clearly isn't helping but table he hasn't broken any laws. can she get him arrested? i don't think so. would she want to? she spends half her time helping black people coming out of jail but can't throw kanye in, it's a bit of a paradox. but still she's ha rasdzed. i get it, society says, this is funny, i get it. the parts of kanye, the parts i understand, i understand kanye saying i don't want my daughter on tiktok. i agree with that part of what he's saying. i'm not involved in other people's relationships. i think that's a separate issue. what we are seeing, though, is one of the most powerful, one of the richest women in the world unable to get her ex to stop chasing her, chasing after her and harassing her.

think of how powerful kim kardashian is and she can't get it to happen. i grew up all my life from age nine to 16 in an abusive household. what i found so interesting is how often people told me mom she was overreacting. people told my mom and family to calm down and everyone had different reasons. i remember once we went to the police station and they said to my mom, did you talk back? what did you say to him? it's all these questions. i remember seeing this as a child, by the way. you see this as a child, you know, and you see a world where women are questioned for what is happening to them as opposed to people questioning what is happening to them. for years, people said this shit, ah, no, you know, this happens, that happens. everyone, police, some families,

strangers, whatever it was. i'll never forget i got a call from my brother saying mom has just been shot in the head. she's in the hospital and she's just been shot. i'm not saying it to make it about me. i'm saying maybe that's why i look at the story differently, to be honest. i know it seems like nothing, i'm not saying kanye will, i'm not saying that, but you see it in stories where people say i saw it, whether it's the people around him, people in our lives, whether it's us as a society condoning or not. i'm not saying kanye is just a bad guy, please, but just as a society, we have to ask ourselves questions -- do we wish to stand by and watch a car ( crashing sounds ) when we thought we saw it coming or do we want to at least say, hey, slow down, let's put our hazards on because a storm is going down. it may be like, i was an idiot,

nothing happened. i would rather be in that situation than to be in the one where i say, man, i wish we didn't think the whole thing wasn't worth looking at. and all i'm saying about this story is, if kim cannot escape this, kim kardashian, if she cannot escape this, then what chance do normal women have? at booking.com, finding perfect isn't rocket science. kitchen? sorted. hot tub, why not? and of course, puppy-friendly. we don't like to say perfect, but it's pretty perfect. booking.com, booking.yeah.

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i mean, we both saw this coming... ♪ ♪ what a difference a day makes ♪ ♪ 24 little hours... ♪ my guest tonight is dr. deepak chopra. he's a pioneer in integrative medicine and popular spirituality, and he's here to talk about his latest book about finding prosperity. prosperity within. doctor chopra, welcome to the show. >> thank you. >> trevor: "abundance: the inner path to wealth." >> inspired by a lyric from bob marley. >> trevor: i love it. >> who said some people are so poor all they have is money. >> trevor: i saw someone ask him a question about that once in an interview. they said to him, are you rich, and he said, what does that

mean, am i rich in friends, family, life, money, what is rich? >> what is rich. that lyric inspired me to do some scientific research on does money buy you joy, does it pie you true love, does it buy you intuition, creativity, insight, imagination, does it buy you even safety and security, and the answer is no. so money has a role, but it's not everything. >> trevor: for the everyday person who's reading this book, what i loved about it is you go through parts to have the body, you see the different chack rays. you see how you tioga poses intn the spirit, the body and the mind. i would love to talk about how we as people can better connect with an abundance inside ourselves whilst also acknowledging the external factors that affect us because many people may not be extremely poor, obviously many are, but

there are a lot of people who go well, i'm not extremely poor but i'm not so wealthy that i can't care in life. how do you begin to even start this journey of finding an inner wealth when you are thinking about your next. >> the word chakra has become very popular because of yoga, but chakra is a center of awareness that represent hierarchy of knees. it has seven levels. level one, survival and safety. level two, sensuality through the five senses, which is mindfulness. every experience of the senses should be sensuous and vibrant and alive. the third is money and abundance. the fourth is love and belongingness. the fifth is creative insight. the sixth is higher consciousness in terms of insight, imagination, architectural thinking, and the seven is transcendence. each chakra has special

modalities to activate them through intention and transcendence. there are rituals for this, symbolic representations of our need and our aspirations. >> trevor: what do you think we should be aspiring to? >> ultimately? to joy. if joy is not the measure of success, you've wasted your life. >> trevor: wow. >> you don't want to end your life saying i made all the money in the world but i was never joyful. >> trevor: you talk about everything. you study everything, you know. i think that's what a lot of people enjoy about your work is that it is not apart from the world, but it is a part of what is happening in the world. let's talk a little bit about what's happening in ukraine. you know, we're seeing a situation now where the whole world feels like it is at the mercy of a mad man, and when i was reading a -- you know this book, i was thinking, these are just fantastic tips on how to do whatever you want to do. and then i sometimes go, man, what if books like these get

into wrong hands? what if the wrong people use your books so say this is how i will actualize evil in your world. is not vladimir putin actualizing everything? >> a freud yen analysis of vladimir putin is he's a sexually impotent psychopath taking his rage out through mass murder. he belongs in a cage at the hague, ultimately. and the only way, by the way, he can -- there's no military solution to it. one solution could be, again, a mandelian solution, if the russians participated in civil disobedience and massive peaceful strikes and paralyzed the country. now, they would do it if they knew what the facts are. but now he's cut off all the media and twitter and all that. >> trevor: right.

>> practically speaking, that's the only way for the russians to get rid of him. >> trevor: wow. i'm still getting over the fact that you said he is impotent an- >> a freudian interpretation. freud was obsessed with the first chakra. >> trevor: it's an interesting world how they all tie together. you actually tweeted, you know, i think it was to putin, you said carla never loses an address. >> that's it. >> trevor: help me understand that. does that mean bad things will happen to bad people or does it nine the next life -- like when does putin's karma come? >> it's an echo from the past. i have seen very rarely tie tyr, whether saddam, or the recent people from libya, gadhafi, or what's his name from that country next to yours. >> trevor: zimbabwe? now i can't believe i forgot his

name. robert mugabe, and the other guy idioamin, and they all had terrible ends. you never know. i believe in the love carla. it's an echo from the past. >> trevor: one of the issues that you are really passionate about is suicide prevention. we've seen a lot of that spike especially in the pandemic. your foundation works to -- >> suicide is the second most common cause of death among teens. it is -- every 40 seconds, somebody is killing themselves in the world. last year more people died from suicide in japan than from covid 19. >> trevor: wow. >> it's the biggest pandemic, and our humanity is incomplete unless we address it. so we created this web site called never alone.love, and we have a chat bot over there named pee-wee named after a recording

artist who died from suicide, and she is a machine, and teens love to talk to her because they don't feel judged. and they are more comfortable talking to a machine than a human being. >> trevor: wow, are you serious? >> i'm serious. this is the world we live in. so she has now deescalated about 6,000 suicide attempts, 11 million conversations happening through text. >> trevor: how do you program that machine? because -- >> it's an a.i. >> trevor: but a.i. has to be taught. as we learned, a.i. will have its shortcomings. what do you teach the a.i.? >> it's an ethical. a i. and now there are safeguards on how to create ethical a.i.s which are not like fake videos or fake anything. >> trevor: yeah. >> and it's built into the system, the ethics. and there's a whole association now amongst a.i. experts that is

accelerating the movement of ethical a.i.s. this is going to get even better in the future. and, of course, we always have humans at the back end, you have to. >> trevor: right. dr. deepak chopra, you are a fascinating man, you know. the chakras, a.i., vladimir putin, all comes together with you. thank you for taking time to join me on the show. >> thank you. you're very good to me. thank you. >> trevor: thanks for being here. >> thank you. >> trevor: thank you. "abundance: the inner path to wealth" is available now. he's also got a meditation app and an audible podcast so be sure to check those out as well. okay, we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. never be afraid of your strength because your body is capable of amazing things. own your strength and see how far it takes you. tonal. be your strongest.

put before we go, please consider supporting the national network to end domestic violence. they work to meet the ongoing and emerging needs to of domestic violence victims. if you can help them, please donate at the link below. here it is, your moment of zen. >> my father had a great relationship with putin. putin was in with the k.g.b. he could read people and tell donald trump was a strong person. this never would have happened under donald trump