stole the voting machines and the toilets. they don't flush any more. they don't flush! and that's why we got to ban windmills. got to get rid of all of that. >> trevor: now vladimir putin is not happy about any of this. in fact today he gave a speech in which he complained that the west is trying to cancel russia. yeah, which is pretty rich coming from this dude. the man is over here as the only person in history who has ever sent an army to kill a comedian, can we agree that the term cancel has lost all meaning, all right? because first canceling meant that people were getting mad at you for what you said online. now are you being cancelled? if people don't want to you invade other countries. i feel like we're a few months away from archaeologists being like, and then 66 million years ago a giant asteroid hit the earth and cancelled all the dinosaurs. hash tag-- the big news is about

ukrainian president volodymyr zelenskyy and his speech to the united states. yeah a peering live via satellite in congress' home theater zelenskyy pleaded with the u.s. to send more weapons and enforce a no fly zone over ukraine. and based on his references to american history it was clear that zelenskyy knew his audience. >> i remember your national memorial in rushmore, the faces of your prominent presidents, those who laid the foundation of the united states of america as it is today. remember pearl harbor, terrible morning of december 7, 1941, when your sky was black from the flames attacking you. remember september the 11th, a terrible day, our country experienced the same every day. i have a dream, these words are known to each of you, today can i say i have a need.

i need to protect our skies. i need your decision, your help which means exactly the same, the same you feel when you hear the words, i have a dream. >> trevor: yeah, that's right, zelenskyy brought out all of america's major moments. i have a dream. 9/11, mount rushmore. you know he was on wikipedia last night planning this out okay, pearl harbor, boston tea party, should i mention hulk hogan sex tape, maybe? and by the way, props to him, he knows way more about america than most u.s. senators know about his country. like can you imagine how they would sound if they had to give an inspiring speech using ukrainian history. >> people of ukraine, remember the vision of your founder. i want to say daniel ukraine? i was impressed that zelenskyy was able to dodge so many landmines in his research. because you realize sth could have gone very wrong. >> and now to 9/11 which as we

all know from youtube was inside job. i see you bush. no, for real? it was a really impressive speech. although you know, these days people on twitter will complain about literally anything. so of course there was one economist-- economist who tweeted, i understand times are hard. but doesn't the president of ukraine own a suit? damn. what a weird criticism. this is the kind of guy who sees jesus come back and be like really? sandals, my guy. but anyway most people were impressed by the speech. especially the powerful ending when zelenskyy switched to english and addressed president biden directly. >> today the people are descending, we are fighting for the values of europe and the world and as the leader of my nation, mi addressing the president biden. you are the leader of the

nation, i, wish you to be the leader of the world. being the leader of the world means to be the leader of peace. thank you (applause) trs that was inspiring. i'm pretty sure that was the first time in history people applauded a zoom call. also impressive that zelenskyy was able to deliver that message in his nonnative tongue. when you think about f his english is better than the past two u.s. presidents. and also how rare is it to see everyone in congress all applaud for the same thing, you never see that, almost everyone, almost every one, because i don't know new noticed that one congressman who, i guess didn't realize that everyone else was doing a standing ovation.

my man, we're on the brink of new clear conflict. you can fill out your bracket later. now it doesn't look like america is going to support a in fly zone over ukraine any time soon because again a direct confrontation between america jets and russian jets could end up spiraling into world war three and that is a sequel that nobody wants. except for maybe the history channel. you think they want to be talking about aliens and shit? they hate it as much as you do. but america's government has been ratcheting up its support in other ways. today biden announced that america would be spendo sending another 800 million worth of military aid to ukraine. and aside from the american government, the american people have also taken it upon themselves to step up and help ukraine. and i'm not just talking about the usual ways like donating money and putting a ukrainian flag on the twitter handle, the flag emoji is making a huge difference. but people are finding more creative ways to help out. >> inspired by these images of

ukrainian displaced by the invasion of their country, americans are finding inventive ways to help. >> turning pain into purpose, sasha created an amazon wish list of items needed in ukraine. the response overwhelming. one truck after another dropping off do nailted goods. 40,000 and counting. >> people are booking airbnb's in ukraine with no plans of staying there. the initiative which gained popularity on social media is a way to give money to ukrainians impacted by the war. more than 61,000 nights were booked in just 48 hours raising almost two million dollars for hosts in ukraine. >> to two harvard university students are dos their part to help you canian refugees find homes around the world. they have launched this website ukraine takes shelter.com. it is designed to help refugees find hosts with spare rooms, condos and dormitories. >> wow, people, that is heartwarming, these two students are helping thousands of ukrainian refugees find places

to stay. that is amazing. amazing. we should keep in mind that the website was built by harvard students in their dorm room so a few years from now you will probably lead to an attempted coup. but for now, all good times. and i also love that people are renting airbnb's in ukraine but not staying there. they are just doing it to sends money to ukrainians in need. that swurch the coolest initiatives i have ever seen. i although i hope everyone understanding that this is just a donation, okay. because you know there will be one guy who actually shows up, just being like really disappointed, wi-fi was spotty and sound of missiles exploding kept me up all night, two stars. >> and it turns out americans aren't just helping refugees and ordinary civilians. no, they are also directly contributing to the war effort. >> a company in wisconsin is donating a million rounds of ammunition to ukrainian forces. the company's close ties with the u.s. military makes workers confident the ammunition will get to where st needed most. >> a growing number of police

agencies across the u.s. are jumping in to support ukrainians with combat supplies. >> this box full of gear used to be for law enforcement in colorado. soon it will be sent to protect people a world away. >> the cincinnati police department is pitching in to help ukraine defend itself against russia. it is sending 950 ballistic helmets to people fighting to defend their country. >> one new york countee executive organizing a collection drive for guns, asking gun owners to donate their weapons for the cause. >> we could get a million guns to the people of the ukraine. the ukrainian people want to protect themselves, so let's give them the resources to do that. >> that's what i am talking about. america's police forces are sending their military grade hardware to help ukrainians fight a war in russia. that's dope. and if you are asking wait what, why do our police have things you can use in a war. are you not asking the right questions.

the question you should be asking is, at what point does america realize it has too many guns. because you realize that that guy just said, we can get a million guns and we can send them. that is when you know your country has too many weapons is when another country needs weapons and every day people in america are like yeah, we can give them the spare glock in the gust room, honey. i guess it is a beautiful example of how an ecosystem can balance itself. one country's problems can be another country's solution. america has too many guns and an overmilitarized police force, send it over to ukraine, hell, throw in some mass sheeters too, go get them, tyler, hakuna matata. but whether it says something terrifying about the state of america, it is stim a nice gesture for americans to be donating their own weapons. still for some americans, sending guns just isn't good enough, no, they are also volunteering to be the ones shooting them. >> ukraine's government has actively recruited foreigners to join the fight, over 20,000 have

reportedly expressed interest. and many americans are showing up daily. >> harris is 25 and was the chicago police officer. he spent five years in the u.s. army and did a tour in afghanistan. >> you just quit your job and got on a plane. >> pretty much. >> why? >> the right thing to do. >> dennis diaz is a former marine. when he watched russian tanks pulling into southern ukraine, his his gut said he had to do something. >> we take on the big bullies, and right now russia is the big bully. >> the resumes range from combat experience to no military training at all. >> i worked at a place called taco bell, a fast food restaurant in the u.s. i did things similar when i was 19, i went to iraq to join up with the-- it is saw what is happening here and decided to take that money, buy a plane ticket and come out here. >> trevor: you heard that right. this guy left his job attacko bell to go and fight the

russians. i will tell you now, he's got way more balls than me. i also think he has the perfect experience for war. you worked at a drive thru, you have already seen the worst of humanity probably gained a lot of manned to hand combat training, you do see what people do at 3 a.m. but yes, thousands of people around the world including many americans are heading to ukraine to join up with the ukrainian resistance. and these people are heroes. the heroes, no doubted. but i think we can also admit probably a few of them made this decision partly because of covid. >> i don't care where it is, i just want to travel again. >> but seriously, good luck to all these people who are risking their own lives to go and defend democracy. and don't forget, you are headed into an active war zone so please remember to pack a suit. all right, when we come back, ronnie chieng is going into the metaverse, you don't want to miss it.

>> if donald trump were president none of sth crap would be going on because you have to be strong. >> just now president putin denied having anything to do with the election interference, who do you believe. >> president putin. he just said it is not russia. i i will say this i don't see why it would be. >> he spoke forcefully and that is cedable deterrent. >> i said the word would, instead of wouldn't. i don't see anywhere reason why it wouldn't be russia, a double negative. >> that is the kind he was, he would say get him on the phone and then read putin the riot act. >> president trump admitted that during an hour long phone call with putin did he not bring up russian meddling. >> my father was call up and said vladimir, don't even think about it, i am telling you it will not work out well for are youness the people from crimea from what i heard would rather be with russia than where they were. and as far as ukraine can is concerned, it is a mess. >> they were very sure when donald trump was in office that they should have messed with america. >> most of the dictator-- the president is friendly with now

understand they can play trump, get what they want from him by flattering him. >> vladimir putin feels like he has the wind at his back especially with a very girn different type of american leadership compared to the america first, donald trump. >> putin is a killer. >> a lot of killers. >> you think our country is so innocent. >> president trump, the american people remember what it was to have a commander in chief who is respected and feared on the world stage. >> north korea kim jung-un said this. >> i will surely and definitely >> i will surely and definitely tame the american long day, huh? [sfx: beer can opening] hey buddy! you want a sam adams? your cousin. from boston. ♪ ♪ wickeds all around! cheers! get it girl. robots! robots! robots! this is the best night of my life. chips? fritos man. back roads or highways? back roads. college or pro ball? college. mild or spicy? oh spicy... actions or rom coms?

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them all out. i just saved you a million dollars, no, the hottest trend in tech is the meda vexer you know it is hold because no one will shut up about it. >> the metaverse is defined as a virtual reality space where people can play games, connect with friends and even go to virtual concerts. a parallel world in your computer or phone. >> the metaverse is where tech

is headed. >> you see apple dedicating time here, microsoft samsung, it is hard to label this as a fad. >> facebook has changed its company name to meta. >> st short for metaverse, the virtual reality considered by many to be the future of the internet. >> that's right, facebook changed its name to meta before the metaverse even caught on. st like tattooing a girl's name on your arm after two dates. luckily if it all goes south zuckerberg can whang it to meta muse il and pretend it was a fiber company the whole time but the metaverse is coming, not that anybody asked for it these companies just decided to move us all into the metaverse like they are putting their grandma into a nursing home, sorry nana you have to live in the computer now. but apparently we should all be excited because the metaverse will let us build our own world and explore the limits of human imagination which makes us think you will be flying on dragons during-- full of unicorns, the thing we all dream about.

the only problem is the metaverse is being naid by microsoft and facebook so you know it is going to be boring as shit. >> meta is also working to bring remote workers into a similar virtual space. this app is called facebook workroom and it is designed for meetings, it is a sign of what a professional piece of the metaverse will look like. >> it basically gives you the opportunity to sit around a table with people, work and brain storm and white board ideas it is this pretty amazing experience where you know, you feel like you're really right there with your colleagues. >> microsoft just unveiling new tools to immerse users in the workplace integrating val avatar and virtual reality into teams by the middle of next year, power point will be available as well. >> oh thank gord there will be power point in the metaverse. i can't wait for the immersive experience of feeling like i'm inside a pie chart. so let me get this straight. the metaverse gives us endsless possibilities and you wouldn't to have virtual meetings.

imagine a world where your sharpie never runs out of inning. did you it again, zuckerberg, even though the metaverse looks like the wet dream of a billionaire robot, show real people are laying down actual money to pretend to live there. >> there say company in not in new york city or beverly hills, early speculators, professional realtors and celebrities are buying up virtual land for millions of dollars. >> sales of virtual land on the major metaverse platform topped $500 million last year. >> celebrities like snoop dogg and paris hilton are also diving into the digital land grap. >> here in the sand box this piece of land with snoop dogg's face on it is owned by the rapper. is he building a virtual mansion on it. >> buyers all want to be neighbors of snoop dogg's upcoming mansion, a parcel next to him just selling for $500,000. you are paying half a million dollars to live next to snoop dogg in the metaverse. all that money and you can't even get a contact high. hell for half a million dollars

you can buy enough drugs to think are you snoop dogg. but this show bad the real estate market is. now i'm being priced out of worlds that don't even exist there is mooing more depressing than showing up to the metaverse and needing a roommate. even if you got around the meeting and dumb house, the metaverse will be always made up of people. and people are goes to make anything shitty. >> facebook parent company meta is adding a feature to combat virtual reality harassment after a woman claims she was verb allly and sexually harassed within a minute of joining a virtual game last year. >> less than 30 seconds into t i was suddenly surrounded by three male avatars with male voices who were kind of saying sexual innuendos to me, before i knew it they were for lack of a better word groping my avatar. >> that's right, women are being harassed within seconds of joining the metaverse. i guess they were right strks just like a real office. like how is facebook not prepared for this.

pervs have been a part of the internet since day one, you know that sound your your used to make, that was your mod em having an orgasm, so it teams like the metaverse say total shit show but there is one small silver lining. >> a word of warning visiting the metaverse, insurance firm viva said it saw a 31% increase in claims involving those vr headsets last year, that you wear over your eye, the average claim for vr related damages was about $880. most of those incidents involved cracked tv screens. a viva says it has already processed a number of claims so far this year. >> oh, did he? oh. >> you know what. i take it all back. i love the metaverse now f it is going to let the world's biggest dumb ass blow their savings on fake houses and crash into their own tv, this is going to be the

best thing to happen to the internet since they invented catfishing. so thank you zuckerberg. unicorn dick, here we come. >> trevor: thank you so much for that ronnie, when we come back comedian and actress quinta brunson will be joining me on the show to talk about her show that everyone is loving right now, abbott elementary. now, abbott elementary. so don't go a ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

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move to sofi and feel what it's like to get your money right. ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ move your student loan debt to sofi—you could save with low rates and no fees. go to sofi.com to view your rate today. ♪ ♪ >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, my guest is comedian and actor quinta brunson here to talk about abbott elementary, the hit show she created writes for and stars in. >> i'm done with the pintos. >> then why don't you help me grade some of the other student's worksheet, don't tell anyone. >> okay. so if you don't like potatoe what if you say they are sweet potatoe. >> i really don't like sweet potatoe. >> you really god to work with

my sydney. >> what did i say about taking my potatoes from the lunchroom. >> visual learning is so much better. >> well, guess what, now you have zero potatoes. >> yeahy. >> trevor: quinta brunson, welcome to "the daily show." >> hey trevor, thank you for having me. >> trevor: are you kidding me, thank you for being here, this show, abbott elementary, i remember the first trailer, we fell in love with it in a promo. the idea was funny. the idea was special and i'm so glad it has lived up to expectation. >> thank you. >> trevor: let's talk about the idea, the inception of it all, quinta has always been somebody very funny about yu do you go the funniest thing i want to do and the network show i want to make is going to be about school, why that. >> well, i got really inspired by going to visit my mother f was the year before she decided to retire. i lived in l.a. and came back to visit her. my mom was doing basically a parent teacher conference with a parent on an open house night. the night started at 12:00 p.m.

and ended at 8:00 p.m. >> trevor: okay. >> no parents came the whole time and i was there with my mom waiting with her. a parent walked in at 7:58. and i was livid. i was just like how could you not get here earlier, there was so much time. but my mom didn't look at it that way. she was like this is the time that this parent could get here. and she sat down and had the conference with her. and it was in that moment that something was sparked. where i said this is what i want to make a show about. because the whole time i'm there i'm think being how funny the place s her coworkers and the situation, her and i started fighting about me, you know, doing comedy and her not retiring yet. and in this beautiful thing happened. and i think i saw a show and i saw what i wanted to work on for the next however many years i'm able to. >> trevor: before i knew that your mom was a teacher, i was just like man, quinta is just in love with teachers in a really beautiful way. i know you are, but it explains so much. for instance, i remember seeing

how you got this marketing budget, for instance, from abc. >> yeah. >> trevor: and you took a chunk of that money, instead of spending it on marketk and billboards, you gave that money to schools so they could buy supplies. >> yeah. >> trevor: what do you think we don't understand about teachers having grown up in a teacher household? >> just how much work they really puts into the job. it is not a-- it's not a 9-5, do you know what i mean? >> trevor: uh-huh. >> first of all, my mother used to wake up at 7:30, 6, sorry, earlier, she had me. she had her own children. >> trevor: which we forget. >> her own children that she had to get through school, clothe and feed. and then she would go to school. deal with kids who were great, well behaved but also kids who were menaces and parents who were menaces and she's identifying more than just these are my kids. it is this child has this learning issue. this child over here comes from a home where this is happening. this child is excelling too fast

and have i to make extra room for him, she is doing this for 30 kid, my mom. and then after that she would stay later, she would stay until the last parent picked up their kid because there always was a parent that would come in oh, man, pickup is at 3:00. yep, same time every day. and coming in at 5:30, and then she would go home, and she would sure, grade papers swit thing we all think oh, that is what they do at home. but it is doing lesson plans which takes up like an hour. it's learning new development materials that the school district puts out. >> trevor: because teachers have to learn themselves. >> and can i go on and on but i just think people who maybe don't have a teacher so close in their life, don't know how big the job is. and it is one of the reasons why i firmly believe they should be paid more. >> trevor: i hope your show does because you know what your show has done. i think a really great job is that it shows the human side of

being a teacher. we have only watched what, 7 episodes of the show. already you have quadrupled your ratings from the first episode which i didn't even know was possible. >> me neither. >> trevor: i would start at the top and you gradually-- network tv never does that. you have broken records, you've changed history. congratulations. >> thank you. >> trevor: season two has already been. >> thank you. >> trevor: all of this, and i think a lot of it comes from the dynamic of the cause. how does that happen? how is everybody so comfortable in such a new thing? >> oh my goodness, i feel like i got to pick everyone i wanted for the cast. and i think that is rare, you know, usually there is some issue like you can't get this person you want because of this reason. you can't get this person, blah, blah, blah, but i also have like a personal connection to each person that i cast. and knew what type of person they were. ultimately i think you know, whatever, everyone has different opinions but i wanted my show to feel like a workplace.

i know it's tv and tv can be crazy and we accept it, we accept like a bunch of crazy trick shit. >> forgot where we were, i did today show this morning, but you know, we accept bad behavior. we accept to much. but i didn't want it to be like that, it was my show. >> trevor: a no asshole policy. >> you don't have to be that way, you know so getting all of these people together in a room, the first time we filmed the pilot, everyone is just-- energized and feeling good about each other and feeling good about the show that they are making too. so i think everyone is happy to be there. >> trevor: i love that. you know, you may be one of the few people i know who have gone off of the internet because of too much positivity. generally, one of the few people has gone i'm going take a break from twitter, too many positive comments i have to take a moment. and i think it is because what you put out into the world. i hope you never lose t you have this thing. it is so authentic, i know

everyone asks you questions, there is a fer ver around the show which i hope never ends. one of the more confusing things that happens to people was a video where all the kids are leaving and are you saying it is the mid season break, all the kids are leaving but they are all saying good-bye to you, your character. some are bye mrs. t. >> bye v a good day. >> bye, see you on monday. >> see you on monday, guys, be careful. >> trevor: i'm watching this and some people thought that the kids don't get paid and the kids aren't-- it was confusing for some people. >> very confusing. i'm not sure they jump there to we just don't pay them. can we take a few step before we get to labor issues. >> trevor: people think the world say bad place. >> that really showed it to me, no, no, we would never not pay the kid, why would you jump there, look, people were very confused. the way our set operates with the mockument are camera work, the kids are viewing it as a typical tv set. they know some people are moving

around with cameras but they can't bank on where those cameras will be so it doesn't look like this. >> so to them it almost feels like they're in a classroom and someone is making a documentary. >> absolutely. and our classrooms look so real because they also have school there. >> trevor: when the kids actually have school. >> yeah, because they have to have school. so they doptd know me as quinta brunson girl from the internet, they just know ms. t and sometimes have i to tell them be quiet as ms. t, they would raise thai hand, his t she hit me, have i to go to the bathroom and i would have to play the part so we could get through so we could get through the scene. and they know they are acting, by the end some of them kind started to figure out, they were like this say set. >> yeah. >> i'm on tv ms. t. >> and your name is quinta my mommy told me. i'm like okay, are you not supposed to know anything ground breaking but all right. >> trevor: that is adorable. i love it. i love everything you do, thank you once again.

>> thank you for your continued support. i feel like you have been so sphortive of me and my career, i appreciate it. >> trevor: you doe serve it, thank you so much. >> thank you. >> trevor: abbott elementary returns to abc on tuesday march 22 ands and is available to stream on hullo. if you want start watching it, camp up. we'll take a quick break but will be right back trevor: thatr

tonight. but before we go, families in ukraine are fleeing violence and urgently need emergency aid. cares immediate crisis response aims to reach $4 million people, prioritizing women and girls, family and elderly some of if you can, please donate at the link below to rush urgently needed water, food, hygiene kits and ongoing support in ukraine. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, gets your vaccine, and remember, your upstairs neighbor is making too much noise, just report them for being an oligarch and the fbi will do the rest. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> we're glad are you wake up with us. >> we're feeling good. >> bust a move this morning. a new study shows dancing is good for masculinity because it helps men understand their own identify.

>> real men dance. >> yeah. >> they say that actually. >> you got to get rick ashley. >> look at me, you tell me. manly or not? >> oh god. >> i think so. i think i rest my case. >> so manly. really captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ - ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy, neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headed on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - [mumbled singing] - ♪ so come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - okay, is everyone ready to go?

- oh, i'm so excited. i've always wanted to see "cirque du cheville." - me too. we were lucky to get tickets. come on, boys, we're gonna be late! - oh, don't they look precious! - why do we have to dress up? isn't this just a circus with elephants and lions and stupid clowns? - no stanley, cirque du cheville is french canadian. they get acrobats and singers from all over the world and do very artistic things. - [groans] why the hell do you wanna take these boys to see that fufu french theater crap? you're gonna turn them into poofters. - dad, stanley needs to see the arts. - well, he doesn't need to see a bunch of frogs prance around in tights and makeup wrapping their peckers around each other's faces! - come on, everybody, let's go. - close your eyes and cover your ears, billy! remember, you're a man! - oh, this is so exciting. - oh, look at the funny clown, stanley. - where? oh, no. [horn honking] [laughter] ah, very funny. thank you. good-bye. - [honks horn] [laughter] - no, thank you. go away, please.

- he doesn't want your dumb-ass umbrella, clown. beat it! whap! ow! - [honks horn] [laughter] - you didn't know that was gonna happen, did you, stanley? - oh, god, that was so funny! oh, man, somebody stop my guts from bursting out of my sides. - ladies and gentlemen, please no smoking and no flash photography during cirque du cheville. - cirque du che-blehh. [ethereal music] - [singing in french with falsetto] - ooh-ho, we've reached fag factor five, captain. - eric, shh! - [singing continues] - dude, how long does this thing last? - two hours. [all groan] [operatic singing]

[mystical music] ♪ ♪ - ooh, these are contorting quintuplets from romania. - woo-hoo! - what, what? another gay guy in feathers? - whoa! damn, dude! [cheers and applause] - oh, that was wonderful. - yes, too bad it was their last show, or i'd go see it again. - those contorting romanian chicks ruled. - yeah, especially that second one from the left. she was fine. - cartman, what the hell you're talking about? they're identical! - not that second one from the left. she had it going on! - don't forget to buy your souvenirs, folks.

- damn, dude, you see how much money this place is raking in? - yeah, i could prance around in little tights and sing opera too for that kind of cash. - hey, we should start our own cirque du cheville. - yeah! - yeah, this one's moving out of town, so we could take over. - let's go practice. - hurry up, girls. we must bundle up against the cold. - did we do good final show, grandmama? - very good, my girls. i only wish it weren't your last show. i love this country so very much. - mrs. vladchik, it is time. it is time to return to romania. - yes, yes, of course. just give me one second to finish getting them ready. this way, girls, quickly. - why are we going out the window, grandmama? - your mother did not want you to grow up in romania. this is our only chance. [both speaking in romanian] [laughter] - mrs. vladchik?

- [speaking in romanian] they're trying to defect! [speaking in romanian] we need a boat. - where to, mack? - follow that boat. [ethereal music] - [muffled singing] ♪ ♪ both: ow! - [chuckling] [screaming] - dude, this isn't working. - it's kenny's singing. - hmm? - yeah, kenny, you have to sing better. - i'm singing as good as i can. - well, it's not good enough, kenny. you have to get better. try again! - aha, i knew it. they turned you into poofters. - there's nowhere to go, mrs. vladchik. pull over! - okay, girls... [speaking in romanian] - [screaming in romanian] - did we do good, grandmama? - very good, gracas.

- i'm tired, grandpa. - no, billy, you're gonna stay here and watch more macgyver. we're gotta get all the frenchy fu fag nasties outta ya. [doorbell rings] who the hell would be ringing the doorbell this time of night? - i don't know. whoa! - we are very sorry to disturb you. my granddaughters are cold and tired. is there any possibility we could pay you for a place to sleep? - you're from cirque du cheville. - yes, we missed our train. if we could shelter here, it would only be for one night. - well... - well, of course you can. come in out of the snow. - oh, thank you so much! - there's some spare bedrooms upstairs, mrs... - vladchik. - that grandma's not a bad piece of ass. - ew, dad, not in front of stanley. - well, it's good for him. - [humming] - hello, and welcome to singing like bocelli for dummies.

lesson one: [operatic singing] - [mimics singing] - lesson two: [singing] - [mimics singing] - good. and now we'll do the entire piece conte partiro. - conte partiro? [majestic music] ♪ ♪ [mumbled singing] [singing continues] - got everything you need there, do you? - yes, you've all been so kind to my little granddaughters. - they're quite agile little things, aren't they? - yes, as i was back in my day. i was a contortionist too. - you don't say? - yes. - you... remember any of that stuff, do ya?