mo - that's my boy.y. all: ♪ hippitus hoppitus deus domine ♪ >> hello there, are you about to watch an episode of "the daily show." that means there is some news and some jokes on the way. so if you like laughing and news, you're in the right [bleep] place, honey. >> coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight migrants go to washington, riri is showing off her baby bump and jerrod carmichael. this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers and applause).

>> trevor: hello, everybody, welcome to the daily show. i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. you are my live stud qulo audience! -- studio audience, thank you, thank you so much. look at you guys, live studio audience! wow. is that guy live, somebody is shake him, all right, is he alive, take a seat, thank you so much for being here. we've got a really fun show for you today. one of the hottest comedians jerrod carmichael is joining me on the show, it will be a lot of fun. we will talk about the big story in new york that has got everyone talking. but before that let's jump straight into today's headlines. all right, our first story kicks off in texas. easily one of my favorite states, yeah, the last time i went to texas ted cruz took me out to off his favorite restaurants. yeah, and everything had spit in it but it was still delicious, it really was, definitely going

back, over the past few years texas' governor has been scaling back the state's hospitality-- hospitality, particularly towards undocumented immigrants. he has had them arrested, called out the national guard, even told citizens to quote take matters into their own hands. yeah. but last week governor abbott took things to a whole new level when he decided to start busing illegal immigrants from texas all the way to washington d.c. yeah. as a way to hit back at the biden administration's immigration policy. and now the first bus has arrived. >> about an hour ago the first bus full of migrants from texas arrived right outside the fox burrow in washington d.c. >> this bus took off from del rio, texas. it left saturday at 4 p.m. i'm told and it has traveled for over three days straight to get here, the group from nicaragua. i also spoke to six young men from venezuala, i asked what they wanted to do next. they said they wanted to go to miami. i asked how they were going to get there, they said they didn't

know. they are here in this country, willing to work hard. >> we're here in the food court at union station where a lot of them have been getting something to eat. because this was a 34 hour bus ride. they said they are very excited to be here. they feel welcomed. they said that they know they are a prop in all of this but they wanted to come anyway. >> trevor: you know, i don't care what anyone say, america is one of the craziest countries in the world. bus what is happen-- because what is happening here, what is happening here? one day the governor is building a wall to keep immigrants out and the next day he is giving them a free ride to the capitol? what are you doing? like i also don't think that he fully thought this through. because if you are trying to deter immigrants, don't you think this sends a mixed message? no, yeah, because you realize they will be calling home, as soon as i crossed the border they captured me and they took me to washington d.c.. i think i'm going to meet the president. you guys got to come as quick as you can. thank greg abbott, thank you man, it's crazy. also of all the places to drop the people off you chose fox

new's headquarters in d.c.. really? how are you going to do that to fox news, man. those people are already terrified of imaginary immigrants. now what will they do when the real ones show up. those people are panicking. (applause) every one showing up to the fox bureau. i bet in that office earn was screaming oh my god, the caravan is here. what in i thought we made that up. i thought so too! also interesting that the immigrants know that they are being used as porn but are willing to get shipped out anyway, yeah, we get what is happening here but we're fine. i guess maybe they just preferred to be in a state with a reliable power grid, that is what they were going for, you know. i also don't think this will personally annoy joe biden. you know, i don't think it personally is going to annoy him, like we're going to do this to get joe biden. what is it going to do to him. you think joe biden is going to be what, waiting to get into the club and then he's going to be

like damn, i'm behind 15 nik rag want dudes, man, i'm never going to get in. that is not going to happen, joe biden doesn't wait in lines for the club. the man goes to bed after jeopardy. keeps things moving. but let's move on to our next story which is about pregnancy. you know, how most of us were born. for a long time you know who you are. for a long time society has had a really really weird relationship with pregnant women. because on the one hand it will be like oh, beautiful mother, bringing life into the world. but then on the other hand society is like i don't want to see it. can't you breastfeed without your boobs, mah. well now one of the world's biggest superstars is trying to help reshape how soalt looks at pregnant women. >> a first look at rihanna on the cover of vogue photographed by annie leibovitz sharing details of her high fashion pregnancy saying quote when i

found out i was preg nanlt i thought to myself there is no way i'm going to go shopping in no maternity aisle. i'm sorry, it's too much fun to get dressed up. i'm not going to let that part disappear because my body is changing. the music superstar has been redefining maternitywear since her pregnancy announcement in january telling the magazine quote i'm hoping we were able to redefine what is considered decent for pregnant women adding my body is doing incredible things right now and i'm not going to be ashamed of that. >> yeah! you tell them, riri. i love that. you know what, i couldn't agree with her more. like women should show off that they are pregnant. like that is the most amazing thing in the world. think about it, you are growing a person inside of you. you basically turn into a studio apartment for nine months, that is incredible. like i don't even enjoy having people over at my place for more than a few hours.

i can't imagine making that decision, can you imagine if a friend was like yo, dude what do we call like crashing in your stomach for nine months and leave through your vagina, yeah? no, all right, how about i just stay on the couch, dude. i can't ever believe women were made to feel ashamed of any part of getting pregnant that is one of the strangest things to think about in society. because let me tell you something. if guys grew babies in our balls, we would show that shit off everywhere, yeah, our maternity pants would have a hole in the front, four month, four months, see that, four months. we're doing this. (applause) so i have to say, i have to think it is pretty dope to have someone as influential and famous as rihanna trying to destigmatize the pregnant body nev ree day life, because whatever rihanna does people will follow. look what she did forum brelas, before that we were just getting wet. in fact, do you know what should

happen, after pregnancy, i hope that rihanna will pick another societial issue to destigmatize. i hope that issue is something important like picking wedgies out of our butts in public. no, you, you, guys, no, this is a bigger deal than people want to admit. i don't know about you but i'm sick of doing that thing where i put my hand in my pocket like i'm looking for my keys but secretly pick mieg underwear out from my ass, why am i ashamed. why is any of us ashamed, huh? sthi about it, statisticically speaking right now, half of this audience, you have a wedgie, right now, right now, yeah. and you are afraid to take it out. (applause). >> trevor: right now. so please rihanna, when you are ready, we need this. all right, let's move on. because our final story is about school, yeah, where you learn important life skills like how to get hit by a dodgeball, i actually use that in the office ef every day.

there are a lot of controversies about schools from the books students readed to the subject that teachers teach to meredith getting classic the lead in the school muse cam where clearly at i son is the better singer bir meredith's mom runs the arts departments. you know how that goes. but. >> parents are angry over what they call the lunch police, a school in pennsylvania says they will search students lunches to confiscate their snacks. the district says students have been bringing an excessive amount of chips, candy and soda. students will only be allowed now to bridge one small bag of chips and one soda. anything bigger or more will be thrown away. parents criticize the decision saying the school has no right to limit what a student eats. they also students will not have to bring so many snacks if school lunches were bigger. >> hmmmm. that san interesting one. look, on the one hand, i get what the school is doing.

junk food addiction is a real problem. you know, i had a cousin who loves pringles. and one key problem, he couldn't stop. he tried but he couldn't. i'm going miss you. miss you so much. so i get putting some sort of limit on the sugar. sugar makes kids go crazy. they can't con ten straight f they were hopped up on suggestar how are they supposed to learn that racism ended in 1965. they can't concentrate, they can't think. but i will say this, i also agree with the parents. this seems like another example of school overreach. like american schools keep imposing all sorts of crazy restrictions. like oh, which food you can eat, what can you wear, how many guns can you bring. we're in america, goddam it, it

is not north korea. i mean it's one thing to make the rules but searching kids for snacks, that is a violation of privacy. not to mention a health risk. because now what are the kids going to do, probably going to be sneaking cans of sprite inside their butts like bags of heroin. all right, that is it for the headlines but before we go let's check on the stock market with our good finance expert michael kosta, everybody. (cheers and applause) >> thank you. what's going on in the market today. >> the markets, i mean look, inflation, that last story, that reminded me, we will get to this in a second. but the school lunches, you know, i remember being a kid and feeling this way. cuz i used to get beat up every day at school for my brunch money, i went to private school. but here's the question that no one is asking, right. these confiscated chips, candies and sodas, where are they going, everybody. okay. i got an answer for you. i bet tu is the lunch ladies that are grabbing them because

they are not going to eat the sh hit they are cooking am i right. >> i will get to this in a second but you know, when i was a kid trevor, and i used to have food left on my plate my mom would say hey, you better eat that. kids are starving in africa. and i used to say to her look, mom, some day i'm going to work for an african, okay. and i am going to ask that african, so i am just going to, for a section, if i got you while i'm here, when i would finish my mom's tuna casserole, like were you feeling that? you know what i mean? i mean it's not-- . >> that's not how it works. >> but my mom. >> i never-- i think it was about gratitude t is not how it worked. we didn't know whether you finished your food or not. >> oh. >> all right, so i guess you are calling my mom a liar or something. >> trevor: no, i. >> look, it seems to me, trevor,

that the only thing these schools aren't confiscating are guns, you know, they are looking through the backpack like here say rifle, you can keep that, here say handgun, you can keep that. oh my god, what the hell is this, sour patch kids? you know sugar kills, chandler. right? >>costantino kosta what is happening in the stock market. >> okay, this is simple, i crush it at the stock, dude. everyone doesn't figure this out, you need to buy here, okay. and when you look, take a step back, and you can see when you buy here, it is going up. now you don't want to buy right here, okay. right. now its companies in green, trevor, and i'm just realizing this, buy the green, right. red, you don't want to do that shit. you get t okay. >> trevor: but you kind of predict, this is not. >> if you take a step back, let's like's go with this green scwig elly line right here, if you buy right there, you know, and then you sell there, you

see, you see what i am saying? it's simple, dude. >> trevor: how much money you have invested in the stock market. >> i do krichto, right. so-- crypto, which reminded me, can i sleep at the studio tonight because i-- . >> trevor: you said you were an expert, michael kosta, everybody. (applause). >> trevor: all right, we have to take a quick break but when we come back we're going to meet one of the hero on the subway shooting and jerrod carmichael is joining us. so don't go away. so don't go away. (applause) tostitos avocado salsa.

you put all of this

in here. so you can put it on... well... ...just about anything. tostitos avocado salsa. get to the good stuff. (driver 1) it's all you. (driver 2) tostno, i insist.salsa. (driver 1) it's your turn. (driver 2) nope, i think it's your turn. (driver 1) i appreciate you so much, thank you so much... go. (driver 2) i appreciate your appreciation. it fills me. (burke) safe drivers save money with farmers. (bystander) just for driving safely? (burke) it's a farmers policy perk. get farmers and you could get a safe driver discount simply for having a clean driving record for three years. (driver 3) come on! (driver 1) after you. (driver 2) after you. (drivers 1 and 2) safety first! (burke) get a whole lot of something with farmers policy perks. ♪we are farmers.bum-pa-dum, bum-bum-bum-bum♪

[bottle] [trembles]

[cheering] ♪♪ >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. for those that don't know "the daily show" is based in new york city. which is easily america's most famous pigeon toilet. now on a normal day in new york city millions of people take the subway to work. but yesterday was far from a normal day. >> the morning rush howe quickly turning to chaos when police say a gunman put on a gas mask and opened fire, at about 8:30 a.m. each panic passengers on ayman man-bound train fled for nair lives a a a gunman set off a

smoke bomb and set off an sent 30 rounds into the carr. >> in another car video shows riders trapped in a thick cloud of smoke waiting for the train to pull into the station. passengers were seen dragging each other to safety or performing first aid while others fled to the street above. >> some good news is that none of the injuries appear to be life threatening. >> i get off the train, the firths thing that smell, the smoke that hit me in the face was not normal train smoke. it was something burning and thick and heavy. >> trevor: okay, first of all, thank god nobody died in this attack. that is the main thing. it is obviously a miracle. and kudos to all the people who stepped up to help each other in a crazy moment like this, because you saw the people helping and adjust assisting each other. people say new yorkers are self-ish and rude and won't lift a finger for other people. and that's true. on a normal day. on a normal day new yorkers are not trying to help anybody like

i remember when i first moved to new york, i was walking one day behind an old lady and her shopping bag broke. and all her fruit and vegetables rolled out. and then instead of helping her everyone just bounced around the vegetables like everyone, like dance, dance revolutioning over the vegetables, no one with helped. and i was like this is crazy, everybody just carried on, i was like yo, what a bunch of assholes and i bent down to pick up some of her stuff and she was like hey, don't touch my shit. hey. so i was like okay, wow. welcome to new york. but one thing i will say about new york city, as someone who has been lucky enough to live here now for seven years is that when shit hits the fan, new yorkers come together, man. always. always. because in that train station people weren't just trampling other people, they were carried the injuries, performing first

aid, others were looking for the shooter. looking for the shooter. one of the bravest things you could do. that is one thing i will say about this city. i don't know how to explain it, what is new york like, new york is the best worst city in the world. yeah. it is. (applause) i don't know how else to explain it, the greatest city i have ever lived in. and look, don't get it twisted, this was a scary day for new york, compared to other big cities new york is actually a very safe place and a mass shooting is not a regular occurrence here, they just don't happen. when something like this happens on the subway. it affects all new yorkers. because the subway is the lifeblood of new york. it connects everyone when it works. don't take ton the weekend. don't even try. >> the subway is like one of the few places in the world where you will find a homeless person sitting next to a wall street banker, you know, whose deals probably helped make that person homeless. st one of the few cities in the world where you can't ignore the

fact that there are other human beings living a completely different experience to yours but in the same place, that is what i think makes it special. so the good news is today they a arrested the suspected shooter who apparently-- yeah. they arrested the suspected shooter. who apparently drove here from philadelphia. and like can i just say, do note-- do not bring your shit into new york, okay. i don't care who you are, where you are from. don't bring your shit into new york. we don't need people bringing in more problems from the outside. we've already got enough going. we don't even have a place to put our garbage, okay. ask with have to deal with that before we deal with mass shooting, if you think we are going to go to new york and shake things up, they are already shook up, especially on the subway, that is one place where even on a normal day you never know what is going to happen. maybe you are just listen to your podcast and everything is

normal or maybe a rat masturbates on your shoe. could be an uneventful ride. or you could get purled in as a fourth member of a marry achi band, you don't know. or this could be the day that that liquid on the floor finally touches your shoe, you don't know. yeah, you know the liquid, you know the liquid. you know exactly what i am talking about-- talking about, you never know. you never know, man. a baby selling twiz ellers, the subway is just happening. and speaking of the problems we have in new york city, they probably could have found this guy even sooner if new york had its shit together because first of all the train conductor tried to tell the cops which way the shooter ran. but nobody could understand because he was like-- -- -- and then when they tried to check security cameras, this happened.

>> none of the security cameras inside the 36th street station were transmitting pictures as the train bearing the suspect entered the station. sources tell cbs too that cameras on the two stops on either side of the 36th street station, 46th street and 25th street also had the same connection problems. the mta has approximately 10,000 cameras at its 472 sphaitions-- stations all were operational except those three sources say. >> >> trevor: really? really? out of 10,000 cameras in the subway system the only three that weren't working are the ones that could have helped? really? that is a crazy stroke of bad luck if it were true. look, man, if you live in new york you know the truth, subway cameras never work. none of them, ever, that is why every station has those signs that say if you see something, say something. they don't see anything.

they know their cameras wouldn't do shit slarm we don't even know its no are real cameras, i bet if you crack them open there is chocolate inside, we assume it is a camera. let's not get hung up on the details. the important thing is that those cameras cost new york taxpayers $800,000 each, don't forget that, that is all that matters. you might be asking if the cameras weren't working how did they catch the guy. i will tell you how, new yorkers, we are our own cameras. >> installing surveillance cameras on i a business initially saw james, knew that face that had been circling on social media and went with his gut flagging down police officers on the street on first avenue near st. mark's place. >> i was working, and thank god, i was working the street, i saw, i see the guy. he is coming from street, police, there is the guy, from brooklyn, it is the guy.

we get him, thank god. >> thank you, thank you. >> that is what mi talking about! what? that is what i am talking about, glam, everyone should be cheer his name, zack, zack, zack, zack, zack, zack, zack, yeah whatever you don't, don't check his old tweets, we don't care, we don't want to know, he's our hero, we're keeping him. how amazing is this for the story that zack is a security camera installer. that is what he does for a living. yes, he was installing a security camera when this happened. huh? >> so if the city had hired zack to fix their busted ass subway cameras maybe zack wouldn't have to get them out of this mess in the first place. (applause)

yeah. and so i say now that zack tahan is a new york city hero it is time to honor him the new york city way. by naming an absolutely disgusting sandwich at a deli after him. >> you want a ham and egg and mari mara sauce on butt erred rie, yeah, all right, one zack tahan coming right up, get it right up, it's coming, it's coming. so thank you. thank you to zack, thank you to all "the new yorkers" who stepped up on the subway yesterday because this event turned out a whole lot better than it could have. and you know whatever this guy intenlded to do to new york, it didn't work. yeah. because let me tell you, new york is a tough place, after 9:11 new york bounced back. after hurricane sandy new york bounced back, after covid, people were like new york is never going to come back. get out while you can, trevor, it's come back.

(cheers and applause) >> yeah. people were like oh, all the places are going to be empty, all the people moved back in, rents are higher than ever before. i don't know country said that like it is a good thing but still, the point is, this city keeps coming back and that's what makes it the greatest city in the world. (cheers and applause) >> don't go away, jerrod carmichael joins us right after the break. for investors who can navigate this landscape, leveraging gold, a strategic and sustainable asset... the path is gilded with the potential for rich returns.

(vo) for me, one of the best things about life is that we keep moving forward. we discover exciting new technologies. redefine who we are and how we want to lead our lives. basically, choose what we want our future to look like. so what's yours going to be? sandwiches shouldn't come from a tanning salon! they should be served straight from the fryer and piping hot. that's kentucky fried to order! kfc. it's finger lickin' good.

[bottle] [trembles] [cheering] ♪♪ i love my new home. i always wanted a house with historic architecture... but it might be too victorian? oh gosh, what an interesting hemline on those... pants? yes, i do believe they are called pants! pardon me! no! pardon me. at least geico makes bundling my home and car insurance easy. i save so much. (knocking) i have come to call upon... just text me! argh! well i'm heading up. it's a ghost! for bundling made easy, go to geico.com. it's called self-care. >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, my guest tonight is the talented comedian and actor

jerrod carmichael here to talk about his revealing and deeply personal new hbo comedy special rothan yel. >> i'm very, very thankful for all of the black ladies in my life, you know, who supported me through this. through all of it. all of it. they're not, they're not homophobic at all. they're racist and mother [bleep] they don't like that hi a white boyfriend. see that, see that. you can be gay but-- what? please welcome jerrod carmichael >> how are you doing. it is the real thing, good to see you, bro. >> good to see you. >> thank you. thank you.

wow, wow, wow. that's nice. >> jerrod carmichael. >> what a nice warm hug. >> trevor: have i missed you, man. >> i missed you too. >> trevor: congratulations on not just, man, you know, you have always been funny. i think you know this. and you have always been one of my favorite comedians and i think you know, this i don't say this just because are you here now. but your special is one of the-- it say tight rope walk, that is the best way i would put it, when you are watching comedy and you are watching somebody balancing and there is a tight rope and there is no net and moments where i what going jerrod, maybe just stop, don't say that, and you say it and you feel the crowd going with you because they are shocked. they don't know ahead of time and the crowd is shocked. they come to see jerrod carmichael and then you go i'm gay and my name is not even jerrod. >> yeah, yeah, it is a lot. sta lot. >> trevor: it is a lot. >> it is just, imagine how my therapist feels. no, it was, yeah, i don't know.

like i fement like who am i talk to about all these other things, you know, in the world. you know, who am i, let's start there. right. like who-- like that type of self-exploration i think, comedy, has room for. >> yes. >> you know, and it is so much, so inundated with other forms of comedy that i just felt like a long-term interior story. >> trevor: you talk in the special you talk about your mom and i related to that, in that your mom is very will i believe us. >> yeah. >> trevor: you and your mom were best friends. you come out as gay and then your mom goes i can't, i don't know how to decipher, because i'm jesus on the one hand and how i have been taught religion and you on the other hand. but you are processing that in realtime. why did you choose to do that instead of going i will figure this out and five years down the line i will do a special about it. >> well, it is something,

i-- when you know, for all of life's problems, you don't know if or when you will ever have the answer using the profession that, like i talk about my life. i don't know. i have an opportunity to go and make it into a show, so i did it. yeah, like i to me that is what makes it, i mean it's interesting. you know, in a way. i mean itsee kind of like mus nik that it captures a moments. like just like, the emotion is more specific because it is happening in realtime. because it is actual things that mi feeling and going through. like yeah, i think i kind of thought of it like an album, in a way. >> i loved how it felt not just like you were processing it. it felt like you made us, the audience process it with you at the same time. that is what i loved about it.

because you know, sometimes you watch and show and st neatly tied up in a bow. and when i was watching this i was sitting at home like ah, jerrod, how do i help you fix this because st happening. no, really. >> i think it's funny too, and can i say that because can i say if you hadn't seen it like people were just like jesus christ, he just tells them all of his problems? and then it's my problem? you know, it's like, i think it's kind of funny fz it is also amazing because we're in the thing. you can feel it in the room for instance. >> yeah, yeah. >> trevor: could you feel the audience with you. you know, even how you, honestly the most natural thing this way, you even definitelies into homophobia like in the black community. >> you try coming out to a room full of black people, it's like-- oh in is a lot of-- yeah, no, no, just going into it, because you can feel like the reaction is kind of shocking, people who were fans of mine or

people who knew me, some people in my personal life that didn't know,. >> trevor: those people feel like you betrayed them in some way, did they feel like you tricked them? >> yeah, here is the thing. how much time we got. like yeah, in a way i did, right, like i was in the closet, and gi nature i was lying about certain aspects of my being just out of, i could justify it and say it was self-protreks-- protection. disefl because i was scared. but i think my friendships are able to be actually actual friendships now. like my relationships are actually real now because i'm not hiding anything. because i don't have like a hand behind my back, so you can't give someone a full hug because st like are you feeling something. >> trevor: that's beautiful, wow. >> yeah.

>> trevor: i feel like the special show is a different side of you, i have seen that side of you as a person before t was almost like that was the side that you just chose to fully expose. >> what i was really intrigued by was the fact that you kept in the momentses where you spoke to the audience, in the special, because it was a point where we saw that in a clip but especially points where the audience just goes hey, man. like one of the most point yent things i wanted to ask you about that, the audience member said to you, you say it took you time to accept yourself and to come out. and they said have you thought about maybe you should be able to give your mom time to accept what has s happening. and you gave a very beautiful answer, people should just watch it to get it. what i wanted to ask you off of that was has your mom watched the special? has your family, has anyone watched the special and then had like a different perspective or have they said man, i didn't think of it that way until i watched you say it like this. >> my niece reached out, so i

guess i made the special a lot of what is in the special that i am gay and it is a thing that goes largely unacknowledged in my family, right. for what ever reason, religious reasons. and my niece texted me probably i guess it came out at midnight, 1, 2 a.m., sent me a text just saying i am very happy for you, thanks for saying how you you feel. i'm glad you didn't it so i don't have to wonder. it was very, it was really beautiful, it was the kind of sense of acknowledgment that i think i was seeking in many ways. and that was really beautiful and i'm to cuzzing on that. because you know, its rift with my family is real and it happens and it's something that you learn to kind of deal with, life

kind of sometimes can be a bittersweet because at a time in my life where i am receiving a lot of love, but there is a certain amount of isolation that i am enduring, i guess. i'm saying all of that to say that my niece's love and response was very beautiful and it gave me a a lot of hope and i very thankful for her. i'm very, very thankful. >> trevor: i'm thank you for you, my man. >> thank you, bro. >> trevor: and i mean that. >> it's been so long. i'm glad to see you again, congratulations on everything. snl was amazing, congratulations on the special. people, if you haven't seen it, you need to see it. roth an yell on hbo max. we have to take a quick break and we will be right back after this.

>> trevor: that's our show for tonight, thank you so much for tuning in but before we go team rubicon mobilizes veterans to help people prepare, respond and recover from disaster, they are on the ground right now supporting internally displaced persons inside ukraine so if you can, please donate at the link below to support them in their work. until tomorrow, stay safe out there, and remember, if you have lost anything in new york recently, ask zack. because he's got the best eyes in town. now here st, your moment of zen. >> my name is zack. i was working and i was doing security cameras inside. and i see the guy, he walking, i see him from the camera, so i said that guy, let me call the police. police. and i call him and we get him.

♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ goin' down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪ ♪ heading on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ♪ mrph rmhmhm rm! mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪ at metro by t-mobile you can upgrade your adventure because we're giving you more choices with the largest selection of free 5g phones from brands you love like samsung. switch now and save more.

only at metro. chips? fritos man. college or pro ball? college. lab or poodle? ok, which fritos? that is a tough one. fritos down for everything. this is xfinity rewards. our way of showing our appreciation. with rewards of all shapes and sizes. [ cheers ] are we actually going? yes!! and once in a lifetime moments. two tickets to nascar! yes! find rewards like these and so many more in the xfinity app.

xfinity mobile runs on america's most reliable 5g network, but for up to half the price of verizon, so you have more money for more stuff. this phone? fewer groceries. this phone? more groceries! this phone? fewer concert tickets. this phone? more concert tickets. and not just for my shows. switch to xfinity mobile for half the price of verizon. that's a savings of over $500 a year. switch today. let's make a toast to doing more this spring. actually, let's make two. introducing creamy hummus and savory avocado toasts. topped with oven roasted tomatoes, vine-ripened and perfectly seasoned. now you have two more delicious reasons to do your thing this spring. america runs on dunkin'. watch: serena williams... to do your thing this spring. wonder woman... serena... wonder woman... serena... ace. get your tv together with the best of live and on demand. directv stream.