captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> hello there, are you about to watch an episode of "the daily show," that means there's some news and some jokes on the way, so if you like laughing and news, you're in the right [bleep] place, honey. >> coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight elon musk rules the twitter verse. jordan klepper, fingers florida. and rosie perez is here. this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! >> (cheers and applause).

>> trevor: what's going on, everybody, welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you for coming out. thank you so much for being here. i appreciate you. i like seeing human beings. i'm so excited because tonight, tonight we got jordan klepper who is on the show. he went down to florida to c-pac which is basically republican comicon so you know that will be interesting. and on top of that new york's very own rosie perez is joining us, everyone. that will be great. talking about boxing and the flight attendant, so let's do this. let's jump straight into today's headlines. (cheers and applause) all right. i don't even need to tell you this but the biggest news of the day has been about twitter. a fun place to share jokes and find out which celebrities are dead. now you may remember last week elon musk became twitter's

largest shareholder by buying 10% of their stock. which gives him majority control of denzel expressing relief. well now elon musk has decided he doesn't want 10% of twitter, no. he wants 100% of twitter. yeah, because he has plans to make it the best social media site in the world. >> elon musk is offering to buy twitter, all of the shares he does not currently own for $43.4 billion in cash. he also said he wants to take the company private. >> music write a letter to twitter chair saying quote twitter has extraordinary potential, i will unlock it. >> i top prierlt i would have is eliminating the spam and scam boths and the bot armies that are on twitter. (applause) they make the product much. >> oh shit it is happening. elon musk is attempting a

hostile take over, offering $43 billion all cash take it or leave it. yeah, that is what his actual offer, 43 billion, all cash, take it or leave it. but you have to admit it is an indian uncle way to negotiate. indian uncles always think if they put cash at the end of the offer then you can't refuse, you know. trevor, i will give you $47 for your car. >> what, no. >> cash. >> no, it say car. i am-- it's a car. >> now because el on musk is el on musk he didn't just make an normal offer. no, he offered to pay 5420 per-- 54.20 per share, not 54 exactly, 54.20. and that show you know that you are too rich. are you spending an extra few million dollars, just to slip a wee joke in your takeover bid. he didn't have to waste that extra money. we already knew he was high when

he said he would unlock twitter's full potential, man. which by the way am i the only person who got freaked out by that part, that he wants to unlock twitter's full potential. i thought twitter was unlocked. no, like is there a locked version we don't know about. are there parts of twitter that are still shut down or maybe just keep them like that. never once have i logged on to twitter and been like man, i just wish this place would let loose. people really hold become on here. all nuance and shit. but that is the thing with elon musk. nobody knows what he is going to do. he is super smart, definitely. but he admits that he also loves dumb jokes. so we don't know how this could turn out. this could turn into twitter into the best version of itself or he could just rename tweets fartts and retweets refart. >> the-- refarting a far, from from president biden, many on line saying this fart went too

far. moving on to dafur. now i know a lot of people don't like elon musk but i will admit some of the suggestions he had for twitter is not bad. he wantance edit button. he wants to make the algorithm more transparent so we know why things are trending or go places. i like that. he and he wants to get rid of bots and scams which i love. i hate the bots on twitter. do you know how many hours i wasted talking to opera 2467 crypto only to find out that it wasn't really oprah. i told her my deepest secrets and i gave her money. yeah, in hindsight it was weird that oprah was asking me for money but she seemed to real. and that would camp anyone, guys. and this is also a risky business move because if you kick all the bots off twitter, that is 99 percent of the platform. who is going to be left strks like trying to ban all sex criminals from hollywood. you are just going to be left with paul rudd and baby yoda. that is going to be it.

sorry what is that? baby yoda did what? sorry guys t is just paul rudd now, that saul that is left. all right, but let's move on from twitter to another place where nobody get as long and nothing gets done. the u.s. senate. for decades now one of the most pretij us members of the senate has been dianne feinstein, democrat from california. she has been a leading voice on environmental issues and lgbtq rights and she was the first woman ever to chair the intelligence committee which was a big deal. but recently, some of her colleagues have been voicing concern about whether the senator still has the capacity to do her job. and at 88, they are wondering if it is time for the senator to step down. >> some members of congress are reportedly expressing concerns about senator dianne feinstein's memory. now the san francisco chronicle reports the u.s. senators three of whom are democrats, a california democratic member of congress and several former feinstein staffers often say her memory appears to be getting

worse. now the chronicle says one of them even started talking to other people in congress to see if they could convince her to resign. >> an unnamed democrat in congress who has worked with the senator for 15 years had to reintroduce themselves several times during a policy discussion. feinstein also allegedly repeated several questions during that encounter. >> trevor: this is a tough one. if really is. on the one hand, you don't want to expel senator feinstein just because she's old, right. but on the other hand, if she is losing her faculties, you can't have her making decisions that affect the entire country. you know, like this reminded me of my grandfather. he used to babysit me when i was younger. which was fine. which was fine. until i realized that his mind was slipping, and i could trick him. yeah, like one day i tricked him into spending all the family's grocery money on tam gotchi's instead of food. and that night when my mom got home, she saw there was no food.

and she made me eat my grand father. no, i'm joking, i'm joking, i'm joking, she just beat the shit out of me, that's all. but you know i'm glad it happened because it inspire immediate to make hard to make enough money to make my own tam gachis and now look at me, a grown man with 10,000 tam gotchis, i did it mom, you can't touch me, how do you like me now! (applause) >> by the way, if anyone wants 10,000 tamgotchis, dm me. here is the thing, everyone in congress is asking the question, because of the story. should there be an age limit, because there is already a minimum wage. so people are saying there should be a maximum wage age. i think if you are not going to have a maximum age it is only fair that you get rid of the minimum, yeah. because right now you have to be 30 years old to be a senator, why. let's be honest. you could vote for senator baby. you know, sounds ridiculous, but think about t senator baby isn't fleeing to cancun during a power failure, huh?

senator baby-- senator baby is responsible. senator baby isn't cheering on insurrectionist, no, senator baby wants one thing and one thing alone. ba ba. and you might not know what ba ba is. but do you know what rand paul was talking about 90% of the time. i rest my case. like do you realize the average age of the senate is 64. average age. and i'm not saying that they can't do their job. i'm just saying how invested are you in the future of the planet if you will be leaving soon, you know. no, i know how i treat the urinal at disney world. that's not my house. and just to be clear, just to be clear people are like that is ageism, no, i'm not saying that being younger guarantees your brain works, okay. like look ahmad son, is he 26 and having delusions of cocaine and or gees in congress, that isn't a real thing, people in

congress aren't having or gees and if they were, they would probably be terrible. i respectfully remind the gentle lady from minnesota that they is out of order. the gentlemen from montana was supposed to go second. and as for me, i yield the remainder of my time. i got a lot more excited than i thought. a lot more. all right. let's move on to some sports news it is nba playoff season. that magical time of the year when its league's best players battle it out for the championship and the knicks go on their annual fishing trip. now there is always a lot of drama in the nba playoffs but last night one player got a little too dramatic. >> its charlotte hornets had a rough night in atlanta. >> getting frustrated in the fourth quarter, miles bridges gets ejected after a fan yells at him on the way out. he threw his mouth guard hitting a girl in the stands.

after the game bridges called his actions unacceptable and went on twit tore see if he could contact that young lady to make up for what he did. >> i was upset about a kawsm i was aiming for the guy that was screaming at me and if hit the little girl some of that was definitely unacceptable on my part and i take full responsibility. >> okay. all right, first of all, good on mimes bridges for taking responsibility. you know for throwing his mouth guard into the crowd, he was like i shouldn't have done that. i will also say this, for the heckler, but you hit a teenage girl, kind of-- that is your only job and to be fair, that girl played horrible defense but still i'm not blaming her. now if you follow sports you may have noticed that this feels a bit of a trend recently. fans antagonizing the players or players losing their shit with the crowd like a few days ago, irving got in the face of a fan who shouted at him but then it turned out he got angry at the

wrong fan, right. and in the premier league reynaldo slapped the kid's phone out of his hand because he was injured and the kid was filming and he was frustratedded. he said sorry afterwards, but still, people, i don't know if confrontations are getting worse because of covids and athletes and fans are angry. but it seems like everyone needs to chill, okay. yeah, if you are a professional athlete, you have to accept that part of your job is getting yelled at by strangers. part of the job. all right. just comes with the territory. certain jobs do. the same way strirps know people are going to be throwing money at them. yeah. if you were a stripper and you have a fear of flying objects you are in the wrong job t you are like ha, ha, just deposit it into my account, this is not how this works. athletes have to learn to ignore it. you know f you don't want to get yelled at by stranger there are a lot of other jobs where it doesn't happen like have i never once bb at the dentist office just like boo, yo, this dude

sucks at scraping my gums, boo. are you not even a real doctor. >> but i will say this, the fans also need a chill. remember athletes are human beings. all right, have some respect, have some compassion. because a lot of the fans right now are filming themselves saying crazy shit to athletes because they know if they get the reaction they are going to go viral. like last month one dude heckled a player on the portland yrail blazers by talking shit about his grandmother who recently died of covid, exactly. i'm sorry, if you are looking for heckling material in the obituary, that is taking it too far. say something about the game and move on. that is a shitty thing to do you have professional basketball game t is supposed to be fun. why are you so angry. people in the stand, like-- this is fun. nba games need to add a court side therapist for the fans. i guess when i screamed at

lebron sunks donkey balls i was-- i was really angry at my dad for never hugging me. lebron reminded me of my dad. he left to go to another city and he pretended like it was normal and that is why i hate lebron. (applause). >> trevor: so my advice would be for everyone to take their temperature down just a notch and remember that the point of going to a game isn't to try and get a professional athlete to beat the shit out of you but to bribe your kids with snacks so they pick new the custody battle. remember what it is about. it is about love. finally, let's talk about home itsness-- it say big problem in america and not everyone is offering helpless solutions. for instance in tennessee yesterday the state senate passed a bill that would make it a crime to sleep under bridges.

yeah. which i guess could save lives given the state of the infrastructure in this country. but i don't think that is what they were going for. they just don't want to have to look at homeless people any more so they made it a crime. here is my question, whenever they do this, what are the homeless people supposed to do. right? when you make it-- what do you think is going to happen. do you think they are going to be like sleeping under this bridge is illegal. i guess i will finally buy that townhouse i've been looking at it was all about my options. cuz honestly these policies are pretty typical of at proached homelessness in many parts of the country. the reason people are talking about this bill in particular, this one is because of this really inspirational story that one republican told during the debate. >> i haven't given you all the history lesson in awhile and i want to give you a little history on homelessness. hitler decided to live on the streets for awhio r two

years hitler lived on the streets and practiced his oratory and body language and how to connect with the masses and then went on to lead a life that got him in the history books. so a lot of these people, it's not a dead end. >> trevor: very interesting angle to take. yeah, that's right, hitler was homeless and it made him a better person. yeah, don't despair homeless people, if you really apply yourself one day you too could do genocide. like just checking, the hitler in this inspiring story, is this adolf hitler, like there isn't another hitler somewhere in history who was an astronaut or something. like hey, i'm hitler, what? yeah, yeah, the olympic skater steve hitler. oh, shit, you should just go by steve, man. yeah. >> you realize comparing homeless people to the worst person in history is definitely not going to help him, right. because who is going to want to help homeless people now. it is going to be people like

no, i'm not giving you money. you could become the future hitler. and by the way, who even knew that hitler was homeless. did you even know that. i didn't know this. i don't know but, but it creeps me out when people know too much about hitler's life. there is something really distur tush being anyone that like did you know hit ler's favorite fruit was the mango? i'm just going to go over here now. weird thing. all right, that is it for the headlines which means it is time for us to check on inn on this weekend's weather forecast with our very own desi lydic, everybody. >> hey. >> good to see you, desi, how are you doing? >> great, good to see you, we're back with our audience. >> yeah. >> great. good day, a good day. also you'll like this. i set up a booby trap in my building to catch whoever has been stealing my neighbor's

paper before i could steal it. so-- . >> trevor: huh, that is a good thing for a bad thing. >> we'll get him, or her. >> trevor: what is going on, desi. >> yeah. >> trevor: what has been going on. >> gosh, the story, how crazy. did that guy actually use hitler as an inspiration story. >> trevor: right. >> are we dhoog now. are we doing hashtag hitler goals? i mean st bad enough like girl bots culture already make me so unaccomplished. now i have to live up to hitler. >> trevor: i don't think you have to. >> not fair. no, it's like too much pressure, man. it's not cool. although i will say if it works i will use that tactic to get my kid to finish his dinner. yeah. do you know who would eat all of this brock lean, hitler f he can do it, so can you. >> trevor: that is going to be a weird thing to teach your kids i think. >> yeah, also that mouth guard thing what the hell. trevor, have you ever been hit in the headway mouth guard. >> i actually have once, yeah.

>> me too a tdz you have. >> yeah, like every day in third grade. and fowrtd. and fifth and sixth. yeah, it was tough, the teachers were super mean at that school. >> trevor: that is very strange school. anyway desi, what is going on with the weather this weekend. >> come on trevor. the weather? i mean we know each other better than that. we can cut the small talk. i'm not your neighbor in the elevator. let's have a real conversation, you know, heart to heart. tell me what are your deepest darkest fears. fz no, i want to know what the weather. >> here is another one, when was the last time you cried? >> trevor: no, i. >> you can tell me, it's just you, me, all these lovely people. >> trevor: no, it's not-- the weather, behind, behind you. >> oh god, yeah, the past is always haunting us back door. can't escape t really can't.

>> no, no. >> here is a question. are you asking about the weather or is it your inner child? that's what i want to know. what is it specifically about the weather that is triggering you. >> trevor: it's the picture that is behind you. >> yeah. >> trevor: it's like the news. >> it is, it is like you can keep those memories, right up here and they just-- . >> trevor: they're not memories, i feel like nobody can take an issue with me. >> i have gotten frustrated. is there anything else for me while i'm here? >> no, we're good. desi lydic everybody, thank you so much. (applause). >> trevor: we'll be right back with jordan klepper and the republicans right after this. republicans right after this. (applause)

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sandwiches shouldn't come from a tanning salon! they should be served straight from the fryer and piping hot. that's kentucky fried to order! kfc. it's finger lickin' good. (applause). >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." recently our very own jordan klepper traveled down to florida to finger the pulse at the conservative political action conference. it lead to some unexpected interactions and one very

unexpected place. >> every year c-pac brings together all the brightest minds and sales people in the conservative world. and with the world careening from crisis to crisis, eye i've come to orlando to find out where their movement is going and brace myself for what is to come. >> people asking questions who the future of the republican party is. >> trump. >> trump. >> he's the republican party, he was the greatest president ever, donald j. trump. >> hundred percent. >> you look at the trump administration on paper as a report card, it was stelar. it just was. >> in what sense. >> the economy. >> the economy. >> down. >> i'm talking about before the covid economic collapse. >> we don't count the whole term, we can cherry pick numbers that make him look like a fantastic president. >> why are you so obsessed with trump. >> i like how is he funny. >> how is he funny to you. >> the 2015 debate, he was like

little marco, are you fat, are you stupid, i just loved it. i felt like his personality is my personality. >> like a 15 year old sense of humor. >> exactly. but i love that. >> you want a 15 year old as president, you got one. >> 100 percent. >> clearly it was still trump's party. but this trurch wasn't about,& r. >> is this what i think it is, a trump sex stoi. >> or s & m. >> it is about the gop and their party's plan to tackle the issues that face america. >> they want to destroy the neutral family. >> without does. >> the left, the democratic party. you can't use the word mother, father. >> am i going to get in trouble if i use the word mother or father. >> they will try to correct you. >> what do you think about the transissue. >> i don't think it should be indoctrinated in kids. >> in what way. >> in indoctrinating in what way. putting transflags in elementary skid schools rooms because they are pretty colors.

>> those flags offend you. >> they don't offend me. i think they cause problems for young people. >> to see a flag like that in their school. >> no to have colors like that and then associated to something else. >> what are the colors, i don't think i know the colors. >> neither do i. >> but they are pretty offensive. >> they are colorful and kids like colors. >> but even though the theme of c-pac was the culture war what about the war war. >> whose fault is what is happening in ukraine right now. >> st biden's fault. he didn't do anything to protect those people. >> when you look at what happened between russia and ukraine, you have to point the finger at the leader of the united states of america. >> of course, you have to. >> biden helped make ukraine so important by all of the dealings that they were doing in it. >> how should a leader handle someone like a putin. >> he. >> what do you think about donald trump when he calls vladimir putin a genius s that him being tough. >> i think he has a way of playing with words. >> yeah, definitely like saying the opposite of what a patriot

would say. >> and then he gets the media riled up. >> he disregards his own intelligence community and says he kisses the ass of vladimir putin. >> being a wise guy. >> being a wise guy. >> is this a little much. >> there was a new infatuation i was surprised to hear. because for the first time at c pac people were applauding another country. >> hungary is on the fore front. >> when you see people like leaders in hungary talking and speaking the way that donald trump did when he was in office. it inspires me. >> i think hungary say positive example of how it confidence conservative can do wonderful thing force a country. >> conservatives here were looking for insurance operation from hungary, the central european country that has been steadily sliding away from gem october see under its right wing leader victor orban, trump has endorsed him twice and tucker charlson has done a week of shows and special about hungary. >> is someone out to defend hungary only to learn from it as an american and hold us lessons

to emanate emulate. >> c pac is doing it. >> god bless you, god bless america, god bless hungary and let's go brandon. >> so i decided to pack a backpack full of rapid tests and trevor's amx card to finger the pulse international style. >> i arrived in beautiful bud a best-- budapest to find out how similar these two movements really are. >> what do you think about what is happening with ukraine. >> what happened there is not putin's fault. >> if it is not putin's fault is it biden's fault. >> you can't put this question for biden, how much, am will dollars invested in ukraine. >> this makes me feel at home, have i to say. >> there is a lot here to attack and i did in my new half hour special. >> i thoughts i heard. >> lock her up, if you want a quality, hit the road jack.

>> i asked all the hard hitting questions. >> what is hungarian for ass licking. >> shagnalo. >> we had shagnalo in america too. >> and i investigated gop's obsession with this barely democratic democracy. >> it is to dance together. >> like suicide plot, did you see suicide plot. >>-of-course i did. >> is it like suicide squad. >> no. >> the government knows all your contacts. >> and has access to all my messages. >> tune in april 21s. >> awful. >> i told you. >> yeah. >> hold on one second. you don't happen to know my wife's phone number, do you? (applause). >> trevor: thank you so much for that jordan. i'm really looking forward to it when we come back new york's very own rosie perez is joining me right here so stay tuned.

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chobani has oatmilk? oh, yeah, so oatmilk's like everywhere. mm! it's creamy. announcer: chobani shower. woman: so on trend. ( ♪♪ ) (screaming) huh, must've missed that. >> welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is oscar and emmy award nominated actor rosie perez. she is here to talk about the new season of the hbo max series the flight attend and. >> hello. >> megan? hi. listen, i can't really have one of our weird off the record chats if you don't mind. just tell me are you good because i really have to go. >> is this-- megan, are you there? >> please welcome rosie perez.

(cheers and applause) >> what's going on. >> wow. >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. >> thank you so much. >> trevor: it's so good to have you here, and congratulations on season two of the flight attendant, that is really exciting. >> very exciting. >> trevor: like when you tart started the show disp you think it would have the a climb it has because it got tons of emmy nominated. people have raved about it, it is no surprise that it got renewed but when you start the show do you have a feeling where you go yeah, this is going to keep going. >> when i first read it i said this is a weird show. and i turned it down cuz i don't like traveling. i hate flying. >> trevor: we spoke, yeah. >> and i'm glad that i said yes.

it was the first scene that i had with kenney, i just knew it, first day, first scene, out the bag i said this is going to be a hit. >> trevor: the two of do you have an amazing chemistry and to your point of the characters, what i love right at the end of season one is that your character. it was one of the most amazing monologues, if you ever watch the show, watch it and specifically this scene, you know what i am talking about, this beautiful moment where your character has this monologue where she talks about the invisible woman and it's this beautiful journey where we learn about menopause, but in an intimate way, not a character steur of what menopause is, what was special about that scene for you. >> it was special because in hollywood they don't allow women to age, you know. and you have to do all this shit to your face and your body, you know, i'm serious. i love to eat, honey. i can't do it, i just can't do it, you know. i can't.

i mean i try, but it was-- it was very important to me to embrace the age. i thought it would be okay because just because you turn a certain age doesn't mean you are dead. but when you do turn a certain age, your mind is going krasesy it is. especially when it is menopause, are you like what the hell is going on, you know. and so i really wanted to bring that. and i was really happy that the executive producers you know, pete, meredith, marky, they were like go with it. and i was like great, you know. and are you right, i get so much response from women of a certain age that saying thank you. thank you, my husband doesn't think i'm crazy now. >> trevor: i love that. it really has been amazing to watch, you know, and i feel like rosie perez as a whole, i feel like are you in a moment right now which is such a one of thing it is flight attendants of

course, you were one of my favorite moments of the oscars, that scene of the reunion of the cast of white men can't jump, that was cool to see on stage. >> i was pissed off at them. >> trevor: were you. >> i was, because i just said to them, i have a dream, train, just pick it up because they had to set back, fluff t let it go and let me walk out. they said okay. and then i see on the playback they were holding it it the whole time. and they were high off their ass. >> trevor: i thought that was a joke, no. >> no! oh, okay, see this is what i am loving, the behind the scenes now. you, i feel like you are living in an exciting time right now. are you back in new york now for a little bit, the boxing, madison square garden. >> april 30th, there is going to be the biggest women's

boxing title. >> trevor: first time ever, ever that it is going to be a women's boxing headline at msg ever. >> they are the main event it is amanda serrano,and versus katie taylor. and she is no joke. you know, these are really two tough women who are at the elite level. it's not just a silly fight. this is going to be a banger. i will say this. i did not have a lot of love for big paw, have i never met him, just because of the antics and all of that. >> right. >> i don't know him personally. have i nothing personally against him but like whatever. the fact that he put on this fight against amanda serrano versus katie taylor in madison square garden, april 30th, it is something to give him a lot of credit for. because there, that fight should

have happened years ago. and a lot of promoters did not pay attention. even the promoters that are copromoting the fight. you know, amanda deserved that fight. she deserved more. katie taylor was getting paid and amanda was not. she is a seven division, seven time world champion. >> trevor: seven division. >> seven division. and now she's getting a real payday. now she's gets like seven figures. and i hate to say it, but it's all because of jake paul, you know, so i have to give him credit. but you know what, stay the hell out of the ring, jake. you know. >> trevor: i could talk to you forever, thank you so much for joining me on the show, i appreciate you, season two of the flight attendant premiers april 2 1s on hbo max swrevment to take a quick break but will be right back after this

well, that's our show for tonight, but before we go, remember, team rubicon mobilizing vets rans to help people prepare, respond and recover from disasters, they're underground right now inside ukraine, so if you can, donate to the link below to supports them in their work, until tomorrow, stay safe out there, and remember if you tweet anything that is problematic, technically that's 10% elon musk fault, now here st, your moment of zen. >> i was going to give you a quick history lesson. my grandson one time said did the south really lose the war between the states? i said well son, it's too early to tell.

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