- [chuckles] that's a text. - yeah. right? - that's your new standard. captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com >> hello there, you're about to watch an episode of "the daily show." that means there's some news and some jokes on the way. so if you like laughing and news, you're in the right [bleep] place, honey. >> coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight, why tax day is weird. and janelle monae. hey this is "the daily show" with trevor noah.

>> trevor: welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah thank you so much for tuning in, thank you for coming out. good to see you. good to see your faces, all right, take a seat, everybody, we've got a fun show for you today. ronnie cheeng is going to be telling you why you are doing your taxes all long, just like the irs but funny plus the a phasing janelle monae is joining us on the show. and this time not for music or a new book. no, she just released a book of short stories. yeah, which is amazing, right. and in case you are confused t is not stories about short things but rather short stories about things, all right. the things can be long but the stories are always short. anyway, have i said enough. let's jump straight into today's headlines. okay, people, let's kick things

off with the big education news. by now you have all heard about hore banning critical race theory and if are you still not sure what critical race theory is, don't worry, neither are the peog it. now the state of florida has announced that it is officially begunof the targeteds have taken people by surprise. >> the florida department of education is making waves after rejecting 41% of submitted math text books because of touchy and prohibited subjects. the state says more than 50 of those books include references to critical race theory among other thingsre. and therefore are prohibited under the new standards. crt teachings were banned from florida's classrooms last year. >> orange county classroom teachers association president wendy doromal says she is baffled. >> i can't imagine what is in a math text book that would indoctrinate a child.

i really would love to see some of these rejected books and see what they highlighted. >> trevor: yeah, so would i. because i mean this make-- florida is banning math text booksthey teach critical race theory. and i will be honest, i don't even understand how that works, i don't. like i get finding critical race theory in history books or social studies. but math? how, how? or think about it, trevor, a algebra is just a bunch of numbers that rejoablghted their slave names and now go by x. how. yeah, trevor, also numbers can be very triggering for white people. think about it whenever a black plan dunks on a white man what son his shirt. that's right, numbers. don't get me started on the violence inherent in math. i will never forget the day 7-8-9. scared me for life. i will be honest, i don't knowp,

this is getting out of control. it was bad before but there is getting out of control because now it just feels like the state sees critical race theory everywhere, in everything, almost like a hypochondriac, this milkshake is critical race theory. what dwreer? brown man down. well, maybe the chocolate just needs to work harder. maybe you need to relax, my man. also think about this. let's play with the logic. if they were trying to sneak crt into the school, why would they do it with math? math text book was be the worst place to do it. because who remembers anything they learned in math, huh? huh? do you remember how to outtudiol you show me how hypotenuse works, we are dying here, people.

yeah, they are going to find corpses. nobody remembers math fromdy. even liam neeson, his particulat cluelineotenuse, i will find you and i will kill you, but first you have to solve math problem. >> it's fine, i will find another daughter. you know, i actually wish there was crt in math text books i do because then we could have solved racism by cheating and going to the back of the book with all the answers, just be at the book like what is a black batman, oh my god, why didn't i think of that? all right, let's move on from that mad innocence florida to something that is affecting all of us. inflation. thanks to inflation practically every company is raising their prices right now. for instance here in new york, a lot of dollar pizzaplaces are now charging 1.250. yeah, no, you think st minor but it is actually a night mayor.

because now you either have to carry around an streaks quarter with you or you have to give the guy $2 and now you are carrying around three quarters all day. huh? what am i supposed to do with that, huh, do you see slot machines out of the streelts of new york, huh? you are killing me. but everyone is raising price, even amazon. they announced they are charging an extra five percent inflation fees to merchants who will presumably pass that costs on to the customers which i'm sorry people is bullsh tirks-of-it. because amazon played 33 billion in profit last year. if there any company that can do, a little to absorb the cost of inflation strks them. amazon, if you are trying to save money, next time i buy a toothbrush, maybe don't package it in a cardboard box the side of a mini van, huh? maybe. you sigh the size of the boxes? giant box for a tiny thing, now have i to take time off to fold t put it in my recycling and i'm sad because i thought someone

bought me a car. know get this, according to a new report and sth really sinnister, some companies aren't just raising prices to keep up with inflation, no, these slick assholes are using inflation as an excuse to gouge their customers and make even more profits than before. because they know they can get away with it right now. think about t a year ago if you saw the price of something shot up out of nowhere you get plaid at the company. but now when are you paying $100 for detergent you just think st inflation and you curse joe biden strks brilliant. here is how you know that companies don't have to raise their prices. they don't have to. because one company is refusing to and they're still getting rich. >> you go to the supermar kerkts you look around and you know that nearly all products are getting more expensive. except arizona iced tea. the beverage is saying $99 a bottle regardless of the rising inflation costs. the company's founder and chairman says is he not budgeting on-- budging on price

on principal, the company is privately owned. the owner is absorbing the higher cost of everything including the aluminum that the iced tea is in. and they're making curts in other areas. >> don vutaggio arizona 7 o year old founder and chairman told the los angeles times quote i don't want to do what the bread guys and the gas guysnd everybody else are doing. consumers don't need another plies increase-- increase from a guy like knee. >> trevor: yeah. that's exactly what i am talking about, you see? you don't have to squeeze every last dollar out of your customers. this guy is keeping his product 99 cents despite inflation and he even puts it on the can so the stores can't mark it up. yeah as opposed to florida iced tea which does not put its price on the can, cuz those numbers are critical race theory. and you know like it's so rare to see a company that is just like you know what, we make enough money, yeah, we don't need our customers to suffer.

i bet snap el-- snapple could do that too if they didn't wait so much money with dumb facts i'm here to fill my body way month's worth of suggestar, not to learn. i got a suggest orr high. -- suggestar high, if this arizona iced team can do this then a company like amazon can. you know what i think, i think we should boycott amazon and only three things a day instead of five. yeah, make them feel the pain. and obviously if you need something, you should still orders t no matter what, no, there is no need to run out of imub el bath bombs that goes without saying but aside from that total boycott of more than three things per day. i should put activist in my bio. all right, finally. thises with a big weekend, a really big weekend for a lot of people all over the world. because you see you had easter, pass ore and ramadan all at the

same time, basically the coachella of religion. and if you celebrate easter you probably know that it marks the end of lent, a 40 day period when many christians give up a percental pleasure or luxury as a form of spiritual devotion. typically people who observe lent give up something like sweets or alcohol but this year one church came up with a much more innovative form of sacrifice. >> a church in illinois fasting from whiteness to observe lent. lent of course a christian tradition that involves giving up something for 40 days ahead of easter and first united church of oak park chose to give up white music meaning they aren't playing any music written by white people. the church released a statement saying that the goal was to lay aside usual frames of reference and open the florida voices of black people, indigenous people and people of color. >> this has been a season of the best church that i can remember.

>> oh man. you can see he's like the best ever. that's right, reverend, of course this is the best season, were you rocking out to black mus thick whole time. of course there was-- yo, what team seems like a more fun church service, this. ♪ or this. is you feel the spirit right now. you know, they say they're doing this for lent but you realize now that they discovered this they don't have to go back to boring songs, right. you don't have to. they said it was the best, the reverend said this is the best service they could remember. so why change t make all your music black music. just be careful, be careful, not every black song works in

church. gobble me, swallow me. ♪ inside of me. wap, wap, wap. ♪ ha ha. ♪ and while we're talking about church music, there say video you probably saw it, that went viral this weekend. all right. it's of a youth pastor who is on a flight, and he decided like i guess his band members to surprise everyone on the flight with an impromptu performance. >> this in-flight video is getting a lot of attention on social media with commenters wondering if other passengers were okay with the performance. watch this.

♪ ♪. >> a youth pastor shared this video of a group of people singing christian songs earlier this month obviously on a plane. everybody zeroed in on this one dude. >> trevor: oh man, that dude was not having a good time. did you see his face thneed him. oh man. he's not the only one who felt that way. a lot of people online are saying that it sin appropriate for a group to randomly start playing music in the mmore angry that it was religious music. you can't do this, you kbts bring religion for everybody on the plane. but guy, honestly it, in my opinion, i think the most logical place for relidgessous songs is on a plane. yeah, i don't care who you are, that is where you need god.

who even knows how planes work. there is only like two people on the entire plane who know how that thing works. i mean really know, two people. if they get diarrhea at the same time, we're all dead. we're gone. yeah, on the gr believe what ever you want to believe but in the sky, we're all religious. all of, i don't care, have i seen people check in at atheists all the swalger, i-- swagger, i don't believe in god, but then the right tush lens and oh,h pll never masturbate ever again, please, please. you know who you are. all right, that's it for the headlines, before we go to a break let's check in on the stock market with our very own michael kosta, everybody. (applause) it's been crazy out there, what is going on with the market today. >> i'm crushing the market.

i mean and i'm crushing the market. i got a hot tip for you and all of you, but first i want to talk to you, that music on the airplane. >> trevor: yeah. >> i mean how did that guy even get a full guitar back there as a carry on, you know what i mean. i am not even allowed to have a six ounce body of desani water, maybe i should start putting my water in the guitar, you know. there? okay. look, as a warning to everybody, we don't want what happens on the subway to start happening on the airplane, right, people play music on the subway. we shouldn't have that on the airplane, people start break dancing on the subway, we don't need that in the airplane, people holplane we will all get sucked out at 30,000 feet. >> trevor: pretty valid. >> here is the other thing about that amazon story, trevor. they are going to raise our prices? here san idea for amazon, why don't, instead of

delivering all our goods to each of us, put it all in one central location and then we'll all go to that central location, okay, bring the whole family, maybe put a movie theater there. could you have ties to fbusines. we would be like a food court so to speak. >> trevor: i think that's a mall. >> a mall, that's a great name. cuz thech's got a m sit down, i get it, a good name. >> trevor: tell us what is happen ntion the market. >> i'm crushing the market, okay. >> >> trevor. >> now my high school cut a lot of its math programs and math books so to me, this is just a lot of letters on a chart but there is something i'm seeing. you see this right here, this s & p, that means salt and pepper, all right. everyone uses salt and pepper, everyone is goes to continue to use salt and pepper so i would buy s&p salt and pepper big

time, there you go, that is the hot tip. (applause) youyou're welcome. >> trevor: thank you, michael. i'm starting to wonder about your expertise, when we come back ronnie chaing goes to be talking about moneyee, you don't want to miss it. (vo) for me, one of the best things about life is that we keep moving forward. we discover exciting new technologies.

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"the daily show." income tax, it's the reason they threw blade in jail. today is tax day here in the united states and the irs deadline has ronny chieng think being america's weird relationship with money n another installment in america, wtf. >> i love america. it's the only country where you can get a burger and a liposuction at the same drive thru but as someone who also lived all around the world, i feel a responsibility to let america know that a lot of the things it does are superweird to the rest of us. and one of those things is how america does money. it's stacks season which right off the balt is a sign that something is wrong, okay because taxes shouldn't have a whole season. season that is for exciting stuff like baseball season or wedding season or season two of bridgerton.

i can't wait to see which british person is jizzing on who this time but america decided filing taxes should be as quick and painless as gets a root canal at the dmv. you got your 10 -9d 9s, your form 1040, your schedule c, your r2-d2, your blink 182, you spend days trying to figure out what you owe the government and then the government tells you if are you right because apparently they knew the whole frigging time it is like the world's most pointless game show. aside from "the price is right" obviously. because nobody should get a new car for knowing how much ketchup costs. look, i hate to break it to you guys but in a lot of the other krirks the government does all that filing for tu. >> yeah, they dolt math. they send you a statement. and if it looks good, you click okay and then you're done. it is so easy, a baby could do it but they don't have to because that lazy free loaders who don't pay tax it is not just your income taxes. all taxes in america are weird in a lot of other countries your

price on something and that is how much it costs because that is the whole point of a goddam price. but no. not in america. when you pay for something in america they hit you with a surprise sales tax that basically catfishing you. i know that $600 tv looks good but it's lying stvment 650 and it has a secret family but don't get me wrong. taxes are far from america's only insane money issue. okay. i know you guys are used to it but i need you to realize that the way you tip in this country is not normal. everywhere else a tip is a show of appreciation. not a go fund me for someone who doesn't earn a living wage. a waiter's ability to pay rent shint be defend ent on how generous becky feels after three martyns and the real issue is ou arbitrary it is, you tip the guy who delivered your food but not the guy who delivered your package and tip the person who made your coffee but not your big mack, don't even get me strarted on tip jars. you don't have to put money in, but if you do, you got to make a

big slow of it. i like to shoot my cash into the jar like a basketballer, he tips, he scores! you the cashier usually notices but as weird as taxing and tipping are in america, let's not forget about the actual money itself because american's physical current currency sucks but i don't know if you know but in other countries every denomination say different size because it makes it easier to tell them apart. especially if you are blind. but apparently blind people don't need to use money in america because look at this shit. same exact size, all of it. you got to look over each individual bill to figure out which slave own tore hand over. and while we're talking about your strange money, who decided a pyramid with a freaking iowas a normal thing to put on the dollar. rule of thumb, america f nick cage can make a movie about your money, are you doing it wrong. not to mention the pennies. like why do these still exist when everyone is just trying to get rid of them.

even convenience store have that take a penny leave a penny dish, like an animal shelter for one wanted money, do you know that america actually loses money making pennies, if you are going to have a hobby that loses you money, get a gambling addiction like a normal person, okay. listen, your whole financial system is stupid and i hate it the money, the tipping, the taxes, that's why i found a way to avoid deals with it all together. all right. the secret is, they can't tax you if they don't know you have it. so much easier robbing a bank in europe. >> trevor: thank you so much for, that when we come back, the one and only iconic janelle monae is joining us on the show.

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>> welcome back. to "the daily show." my guest tonight is grammy nominated author, act err and thousand thor janelle monae here to talk about her debut book, the memory librarian, please welcome janelle monae. plawses plaws.

>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show. >> wow. >> trevor: that is what i say every time i see you. >> this is huge, hi trevor. >> trevor: this is fun, we're back. >> i'm so happy to be back. >> trevor: i'm happy to you have here. because like when i talk to you over zoom i don't get, for those who don't know, janelle monae always looks like this. just always, no are you easily one of the most glamorous, stylish people have i ever come across in my life. like you look like how we are just supposed to dress as a thing. >> are you so kind. i totally paid him to say these things. >> you know, we are in the pandemic, he was trying to make some extra money st. >> trevor: i wa, my side hustle was complimenting janelle monae. welcome back to the show, how is life, how severing treating you because you are one of the few people i know who seems to excel in everything do you, music, you excel, your own type of music, your own vibe strks not easy, music you excel, everything,

hidden figures, now in the new knives out, your life say dream and now a book that already has star reviews. >> well thank you for my therapy, clearly there are a lot of things that have i to fix according to them. i am amazing. >> trevor: yeah. >> i'm amazing, man. >> trevor: i love that. and i will say, this i used to kind of just say that, you know, how are you doing, i'm doing great, how are you doing. but i am like in the most, i don't have to prove anything space that i have ever been in in my life. yeah. and it took me awhile to get there because you know, as public people we try to inspire people with our words. but i don't feel like i was really living what i was saying. >> >> trevor: i like that. >> i wasn't really believing in it myself. i was saying it, it was helping other people but i had to do some deep feelings during this pandemic, i was dealing with a lot of rejection and abandonment

issues, things that hi kept in me and they were just coming to the surface and i think one of the things that the pandemic has done is forced us all to go in, stay in, yeah, and so i am at this place where like i'm really to celebrate. we're not talking about vacations, i don't want to talk. if we're not planning the vacation, i don't-- it's just like what are we doing. we are supposed to be living our best lives. i'm young, and creative, right. no, seriously, we're supposed to be living our earth experience in the best possible way and i think when i first started my career i was really scared. i have to prove a point, have i to prove that just because i look like this, i could be this type of music. can i say these things, can i talk about science fiction, hi a lot to prove. but now man, i'm floating.

>> trevor: we feel it. i love that. that's beautiful. >> yeah. >> trevor: you know what, it is interesting because you start to feel that with artists when they hit that groove because i think everyone goes through a phase of you have to prove. >> i'm sure you understand that. >> trevor: definitely, because initially are you going will i keep the job, do i belong here, impostor syndrome, after a while you begin to trust yourself, the audience, your experience. the book seems like the perfect-- i knew you like science fiction, your albums, your music videos, you have never been afraid to say i like sixth fiction but now you rout a book of short stories like oh, no, janelle monae loves science fiction because you cowrote with amazing authors. let's start where that. how did you even begin this process of going you know i want to write a future book. >> this short story collection is from the soil of dirty-- my album that came out in 2018 and i released a fill well that. i knew i had more to say.

sat down in the pandemic, 2022, from the future, sorry i is the-- sat down in the pandemic, 2020, i finally said that there is more. and i was on mushrooms and i just came up with all of these thought experiments where i was like what if there was a th black woman, she was a memory keeper of this city. she knew all of the people's memories before they were claimed. before their identities were wiped clean. and she wants to fall in love. what does that mean when you want to fall in love but you know everybody's secrets. >> trevor: that is a first story. >> that is the first one. the memory librarian. >> trevor: imagine, that are you already like-- first story. >> yeah. and then, and then what if you live in new york and there was a room that could you go into, you didn't even know existed but when you went into this room,

time stopped. so yeah, so you could, it kind of speaks of time-- you know black and brown folks we have been spending our life fighting to be included, all these things. what if you had an opportunity to steal time, to give time back, would you rest, would you show the community this place? how would you, if you could get time back, how would you tuesday. >> trevor: i love how you use the story in the book to delve into topics that sometimes are too dense or too, like you know what i mean, fraught with politics and they don't let us just think about them. for instance the first story you talked about is in the future. this woman has all these memories, how does she trust people, know people, i found myself thinking man, i feel like that is what social media is slipping us into. people have lived their entire life online.isted online. so now do i have any anonymity

kirks write mei own stories without peem writing it from my posts. >> i think that you know, social media is a virtual reality a whole other world. people create and we curate the type of people that we are. i think being human in my opinion is perform tiff. i am performing a version of what i think janelle monae can be. it gets deep, it gets deep. we are gedding feed books from how we should be. how what we say we didn't like. it's like oh no i'm this person because of that information. that is a whole other story. i think you're right. i think that there is some gathering done there. with our memories. and with this book i'm just challenging everybody to be their own memory librarian, like i started to look at my life and i started to think about man, i wasn't in the moment in so many ways. i was so in the future here for like the majority of my career. i was in the future and so how can i create memories now, like

our memories are the things that determine the quality of our life. >> right. >> without them who are we? you know when you take away somebody's identity and who they are t is just like that that was their life experience, you know. >> that's deep, wow. >> and i want to shout out elia don johnson, i wrote the memory library with her and i wrote this entire collection, each short story i partnered with a writer. >> trevor: how did you choose them. >> well, friends who were writers because i knew with, there say story called never mind and there is a incredible writer by the name of danny-- and nonbinary and they are just really, really good when it comes to action, like they are doing some stuff with james bond graphic novel and i was like okay, danny will be great for that and then eid ewing i did time box w cheri thomas i did time box, i imagine

if you could go back and there was this device and you wanted to just like i don't want to give too much away but these stories are just incredible. and you know, i said elyar dawn johnson, i want to make sure i shout them out because there is a super innovative way of releasing a book. >> trevor: it really. is what i enjoyed about t when you go from story to story, what you have done is there is the common thread of janelle monae, can i feel the future you in all of these stories and the way you think but then it is infused with different elements from off the different writers, if you know eve's writing and her style you can file it in some of the dialogue and moments, if you know the author it becomes, so it is almost like you created the first book that has like features on it. >> it is like a compilation album. >> trevor: it really is. >> like a mix tape. >> trevor: it is phenomenal. they feel so different from story sto story and yet they have a common threat. can i see why it is getting reef reviews the. the question is are you going to turn this into, i know it

started with the album that is the movie but now a book, now this book seems like st belling to be turned into a tv show. >> do you think it could be a tv show. >> trevor: every time i'm reading. >> okay guys, everybody watching, we need to make this happen. let's make it happen. >> trevor: we're going to make it happen. thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you, i adore you, i'm so prowfd you, give him a round of applause. >> trevor: janelle monae. the memory librarian will be available. we're going to take a quick break but be right back right after this.

>> trevor: that's our show for tonight, thank you so much for

tuning in. before we go. many families in ukraine have fled their homes in search of safety. working with restaurant partners across ukraine and in six countries world central kitchen is providing hundreds of thousands of noishing meal force people in need every day. additionally teams are working to get bulk food products into communities under constant attack so please if you can support them and their emergency food release efforts then donate at the link bloavment until tomorrow stay safe out there and remember, if you need to calculate your tip at a restaurant and are you strilging, multiply the hypotenuse by x. now here st, your moments of zen. when the president started talking about blaming the putin price hike, a bird pooped on him. at what point did he realize that that had happened. >> hopefully before he puts that jacket on again. and for the record, they claim

that it was not from a bird but rather it was from corn. they say here at the white house the communication professionals here who are tasks with responding to bird poop gait say it was corn. >> don't blame the bird, blame the corn. >> thank you, peter captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by media access group at wgbh media access group at wgbh access.wgbh.org look at the work people will do to get to the ocean. they'll fight the traffic and the heat and the parking and the hot sand, trying to get through the waves, and the ironic thing is, the ocean doesn't even really want us in there. that's what's surfing is. surfing is the ocean throwing us out of itself. you see? we keep trying to paddle in. and the ocean is saying, "no, you don't." the ocean is like a nightclub, and the waves are bouncers tossing us out. the undertow's like the really mean bouncer. instead of throwing you out, they take you in back and rough you up a little bit. "oh, you wanna come in? how about coming in, like, 25 miles?"

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