i'm sorry, stan. i was just trying to tell a good story. i never meant for you boys to get in trouble. we're sorry too, uncle jimbo. we're sorry for making you two look stupid in front of the whole world. and for turning ned into a vegetable. he'll be fine, i'll just take him home and show him some good hard-core porn. he'll snap right out of it, won't you, ned ? i want to apologize for what happened in there. in our competition for ratings, we all lost sight of why we got into show business in the first place. yeah, titties and beer. actually, i was referring more to the pursuit of truth. but, i can't wait to get back to my old show without all the glitz and ratings and producers... wait a sec, where is your producer ? i sent her away. sent her away where ? what is this ? what's happening ?! welcome to my dominion. ahh ! hey, take a load off, put your feet up. me and satan were just about to go shopping for furniture. come on, satan. okay, honey. no !

captioning made possible by comedy central . >> coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight covid finally catches up with fauci. who will save us? and ed helms. this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. (cheers and applause). >> trevor: what is going on,

everybody, welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah thank you so much for tuning in, thank you for coming out in person. thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you all so much. take a seat, man, we've got a really, really fun show for you tonight. dr. fauci and the doaf are going head-to-head, swimming is going to be banned this summer, and sweden has found a way to make trash sexy. plus you know him from the hangover, you know him from the office and season two of his hit show rutherford falls is dropping today, the very funny ed helms is here, everybody. i'm so excited. let's do this people, let's jump straight into today's headlines. okay, let's kick things off with some good news. the food and drug administration has been given the green light to finally approve covid vaccine for children under the age of five, which means there are a lot of toddlers who will about to be popping apple just in the

clubment like i got a diaper, i'm going all night bitche disz z, this is also good news for herschel walker because statisticically one out of every five kirkeds in america is secretly his, but for real, for real, this is great news for parents of young children because while the rest of us got vaccines and want back to normal, a lot of parents were stuck in pandemic mode with their unvaccinated kids. they were starring at the window at everyone else having fun and are like oh, they're going to the movies again. oh, i should have used a condom. >> now of course if are you not a parent, this is the worst news ever. because i don't know but guys, but i have definitely noticed that over the past foo years, you know, i haven't heard any kids throwing tantrums in the supermarket. there has been no toddlers kicking my seat in the movie theater. and there were basically no children screaming on airplanes. yeah, only those crazy trump

supporters who didn't want to wear a mask. waaah, waaah, i want my mommy. but just because covid son the back foot right now it doesn't mean it's not still putting up a fight. >> dr. anthony fauci has tested positive for covid, 81 year old chief medical advise certificate fully vaccinated, double boosted. >> is he currently taking the antiviral treatment paxlovid. is he only experiencing mild symptoms. we are told he has not been in close contact with the president and will now work from home. >> that's right. dr. fauci has covid. which feels a little like finding out smokey bear got trapped in a forest fire. just like damn. i am actually surprised that fauci is only getting covid now, and didn't get it while he was like with trump every day. think about t every single day trump was like okay, covid task force, we're going to kick off today's meeting by breathing in each other's mouths for 10 or 15

minutes just to get the energy flowing. anthony, come here, anthony, open that beautiful mouth, anthony, open it wide. open it, open it wide. (laughter) and you know the saddest parts, dr. fauci, and yes i'm talking to you, dr. fauci, i know you watch the show, is the fact that you didn't come to the white house correspondent dinner, yeah, the president was there, kim kardashian was there, but you didn't come because you said you didn't want to catch covid. and then you caught covid anyway. yeah, probably from some boring government meeting. you see let me tell you something now, people, that is my philosophy in life. i'm vaccinated so if i am getting covid you best believe i'm doing it in style, okay. i'm not going to get it from some bitch-ass power presentation, no, people will ask me where did you get covid, and i will be like that was one hell of a night, oh, damn! (applause) best believe.

i will say though what a big moment for covid as well, huh? to finally infect dr. anthony fauci. i bet covid was really star struck when it got in his body. oh my god, oh my god. oh my god, it's really you, it's really you. wow, i'm so excited. i need to catch my breathe, i need to catch my breathe, oh man, dr. fauci, i'm inside i, this is so yazy, hold on, i got to face time my boy, got to facetime my boys, oh, yo, guess whose lupgs i'm in. i know! i know! and show i'm still taller than him, isn't it crazy? aahh. (applause) okay. let's move on from the pandemic and people's lungs to the pandemic and america's democracy. today was the third day of the january 6th hearing. akavh 1-rbgs behind the riot,

now this session focused predominantly on mike pence, former vice president and the insurance separation behind the white noise machine because you see trump's entire plan to overturn the election hinged on mike pence agreeing to break the law. by not certifying the election results. and today we heard what might be the funniest recounting of the conversation that trump actually had with mike pence, where the vice president would not agree to trump's scheme no matter how hard the donald tried. >> in the book peril journalist bob woodward and robert costa write that the president said quote these people say you have the power, wouldn't you want to? vice president says quote i wouldn't want anyone person to have that authority. the president responds, but wouldn't it almost be cool to have that power? >> vice president is reported to have said no, look, i have read this. and i don't see a way to do it we have exhausted every option.

i've done everything i could and then some to find a way around this. it is simply not possible. >> my interpretation is no. to which the president says, no, no, no. you don't understand, mike, you can do this. i don't want to be your friend any more if you don't do this. (laughter). >> trevor: okay, you know, this is the parts, the paradox of donald trump, like this is really the paradox, like he has the most terrifying schemes in the world, but he executeses them in the most hilarious ways. because trump basically, he lives his entire life as if he is a bad kid in one of those antismoking psa, like come on, mike, just try overturning the election. i thought you wanted to be cool. also by the way if there is one person who you can't entice with

cool, it's mike pence. he's the least cool man in the world. the mant woon even watch the tellitubies because they don't wear pants. and you know what is crazy about the story, because trump said it like this, because he said it like this, you actually believe that it is true. all right because if the reporting was that pence said sir, we cannot do this, and trump said my interpretation of the constitution offers ample precedent both legal and historical, people would be like there is no way that happened. that didn't happen, that is not real. but i don't want to be your friend any more, yeah, that's-- that is my dude, that is my dude right there. that sounds like him. (applause) also fiefned it crazy that trump thought they were friends. not coworkers not acquaintance, friends? how would that even be possible. what do pence and trump have to bond over, huh? hanging out on the weekends, like thanks for bringing me to this club, mike, the music is in-- but the ladies are looking

good. >> mr. president, it's church. >> oh, that is why it burned when i walked in the door. totally get it, totally get it. all right but let's move on to some international news. here in america global supply chain issues have caused shortages of everything from tam upons to baby formula, and even play station 5. this is so hard! but it turns out the global supply chain also affects the globe and right now in pakistan the supply chain is coming for an integral part of their daily life. >> pakistani tea drinkers remain divided a day after a government minister urged them to cut down on their galee hot beverage as the country struggles with an economic crisis. pakistan's planning and development minister says it is getting increasingly expensive for the country to import tea as supplies outstrip demand.

>> here tea say hugely popular drink in the country of 220 million people and the government has spend int 600 billion on tea imports every year. the average person in pakistan is believed to drink at least three cups of tea a day. the minister called for people to drink one or two cups less per day, sparking outrage. >> trevor: i knew it. i knew this would happen. yeah. people have been running around spilling the tea for the past two years and now look! there say shortage. are you happy shade room? are you happy? by the way i love how they mix the tea. the rest of us do tea boring, just like-- they like wow, wow, and i know people with debt outraged about anything, but i'm not going to lie t is kind of funny to hear a story about anyone getting outraged over tea. because you always think of tea drinkers as very calm, tranquil

people, you know? but here they are like you can take my-- oh great out of my cold dead hands! it is so wild it is like seeing tom hanks dropping the f bomb, that is when you know you [bleep] up, you know what i mean, when you understand how popular tea is in pakistan it makes sense, all of the outrage makes sense. this is part of their national identity, it is like asking france to cut out croix ants or forth korea to stop launching missiles at dolphins, that is just what they do. and i don't know if pakistan will give up tea, they wouldn't even give up bin laden, you know? but-- too soon snz i will say this, pakistan's government has to be careful about this. yeah. tea shortages are no joke, just look at america. you see what happens when your people get pissed off, first there is a tea party, then there say revolution, before you know it there is a great depression and then are you fighting vietnam, no one can afford houses and suddenly are you making a movies where ryan gosling is barbie, aahhh!

don't do it, pakistan! all right, finally, cities all over the world are always trying to finned ways to encourage people not to littler. in japan they use collective shame. in singapore they will just whip your ass. in new york, we have just made the entire city one big trash can so technically it is not even possible to litter. but in sweden, they have come up with something that might be the most effectsive method yet. >> talking dirtsee in sweden, literally, a swedish city has launched a campaign to encourage people to throw away their trash. >> a couple of trash cans have been installed and are programmed to respond with seductive audio messages after one throws away their trash. >> hmm, hot.

>> trevor: well, i guess now we know what it is like when oscar the grouch gets his [bleep] on. i did not see that coming. just and just by the way, all the guys who were using that trash can, i hope you know that it is faking it, right? it is probably dude walking away oh, i throw good trash! no, you don't. no you don't. st funny how stupid men are. with such simple, stupid creatures, this would never work on women, on men it works. yeah, like we can wear as many ties as we want but we are basically stupid animals responding to a mating call. you put a sexy woman's voice and you can literally get men to do anything. you realize we're being catfished by bar gaj cans. right? and we can see that they're garbage cans.

but then we hear that sexy voice and we're like well maybe? not to mention this is going to undo a lot of parental lessons about littering. some ten year old boy is going to be like mommy, i'm going to throw away my empty cup and the mom will be like no, no, no, no, throw it in the lake t is better that way, you're not ready. and you know who this really isn't great for, is your trash can at home. yeah. because when it finds out what you have been doing out there in the street, no, it's going to get super jellos. well, you're home late. probably because were you out on the streets shoving your trash into that whore again! you know that anyone can throw trash there, anyone. you're not special. i want a divorce and i'm taking the rotten banana peels with me,

aaahh. all right, that's it for the headlines. but before we go, let's check in on traffic with our very own roy wood, jr., everybody. (cheers and applause) >> what's up, man. what is happening, roy. >> yes, lord. >> trevor: weekend is coming up, what is going on with the traffic. >> yes, man, i'm just looking at all these rich people out there on the road, man, gas, $10 a gallon, being stuck in traffic, that is the new balling right there tell me how long you was in traffic today like if a woman want to meet a rich dude stand on the freeway, this is boston, that is-- yeah, go stand on the freeway in boston, rich people,. >> trevor: you think that traffic is a flex. >> absolutely, absolutely. traffic ain't for no broke bitches. striblghtly for ballers right there. >> trevor: what is going on in the traffic. >> i will get to the traffic in a second, man. you know what is good about the

infant thing, like i know people, you know, some people don't want to vaccinate infants or whatever. >> trevor: yeah. >> i think that is a good thing, i think it is a good thing if you give the vaccine to the baby because now they got the microchip in them and no more kidnapping. now we know where all the kids will be, and we can track them down because once you get the vaccine you gt the microchampionship. >> trevor: there is no microchip, where did you hear this? >> did you enjoy the ramen you had last night on 41st street, k7 30 to 9:15 and you left app and you went southbound down 9th avenue if i am not mistaken? you are vaccinated, right tdz yeah. >> yeah, i know it is an app t san app where it links you with other people who have-- you know, they can be like-- the ach told me where you was, it was the vaccine tracking app. you. >> trevor: i don't have the vaccine tracking app what is happening with traffic, roy. >> you know what is really messed up, my tea, tea over there in pakistan. >> trevor: yeah. >> like when there is a tea shortage that is going to throw

off the balance of the arnold palmer in pakistan. you ever had an arnold palmer and the balance ain't right, that will piss you right, too much lemonade, too much tea, you have to have the arnold palmer just perfect amount, watch al-qaeda get unbalanced arnold palmer, oh, we have to below something up, they will be mad, i'm telling you. >> trevor: tell me about the traffic, though. >> what do you want me to tell but the traffic. i already told you, rich people go and do rich people-- . >> trevor: but which roads are blocked and which ones are open, it is important, man. >> let me ask you a question. if your friend, let's say you had a friend, let's say you cool, real good friend and you go over to his house. and he got one of them sex trash cans. y'all would still be cool, right. like if you knew somebody that

like ordered one of these sex-talking cans, the freaky deaky trash can f you went to his friend house and he had the freaky deaky trash can, you wouldn't judge him for having it. >> trevor: roy, did you order one of the sex trash cans? >> no, i didn't order no sex trash can with custom, you know, with custom phrases. i didn't do that. >> trevor: i didn't say anything about custom freezes. >> i didn't say nothing about custom phrases either. i got to go throw something away. i'll be right back. i got to throw something away. >> trevor: i was really suspicious, thank you so much, roy, when we come back, we're going to throw america a giant pool party. >> oh roy, i love swallowing your trash. >> trevor: we'll be right back.

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>> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, this whole week much of the united states has been suffering from a heat wave. and if you have been stuck in it, please don't forget to drink water, stay inside, and check in on your elderly neighbors.

because they might have air conditioners you can steal. but if you have been hoping to cool down at the beach or at the pool, you might be out of luck. >> as summer heats up, some families are cooling down in the water at their own risk. a major lifeguard shortage is leaving many beaches unguarded and pools understaffed forcing some to close. the american lifeguard association estimating one-third of the nation's public pools are impacted. the shortage is caused by a wave of factors. young people have pleptee of other job options to choose from and training courses were cancelled during the pandemic. some pools looking to pull in new lifeguards by upping salaries. >> six flags saints louis is offering $18 an hour to lifeguards plus a $500 bonus. >> pools are closed for the summer? i won't have nowhere to pee. but yeah, pools and beaches are in big trouble because nobody wants to be a lifeguard right

now. which is surprising to me. you think every teenager would want this job. you get to work on your tan, a relaxed dress code and you get to makeout with all those drowning people, you know, you know if you ask me, americans are too soft. yeah. i saw the story and was like americans are too soft. you won't swim because there is no lifeguard. man, if you told an african parent that you won't swim without a lifeguard they would be like eh, do you know who is your lifeguard, jesus. don't forget that. don't ever forget that. but there is a major problem especially for pools that have to shut down because they can't find lifeguards. luckily though, luckily, leo devlin has a solution for you. >> are your beaches and pools closed for the summer gaws of a lifeguard shortage? you just want to swim. but ain't nobody want to save your ass from a shark. break out that swimsuit thong. back off, introducing leo

devlin's substitute lifeguard t is a cardboard cut out of me that you can put up in the lifeguard chair, guaranteed to look real enough for the safety inspector as he is driving by. so now you can get back to doing what you love, peeing in the pool. choose your lifeguard type from multiple leo devlin models, mr. nice guy, the whises el blower and of course, i done told your ass. if you start to drowp, don't worry, all our lifeguards come with a built-in speak thary has you covered. >> someone else save that dude, i just aid. >> so save your summer with the leo devlin substitute lifeguard, $85, you can get that from your if mama.

♪ >> trevor: summer is back on, all right, when we come back ed helms will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. ♪ i want to rock and roll all night ♪ ♪ and party every day. ♪ ♪ i want to rock and roll all night ♪ applebee's late night. because half off is just more fun. now that's eatin' good in the neighborhood.

♪ i like to vöost it, vöost it♪ ♪my vitamins can boost it♪ ♪i like to vöost it, vöost it♪ ♪we like to vöost it♪ ♪♪ ♪vöost it♪ (cheers and applause) >> welcome back to the daily show. my guest tonight is actor writer and producer ed helms. is he here to talk to us about his show rutherford falls which he could created and stars in. >> what have you been doing up here. >> i have been working on myself. you know, examining my blind spot, i read the book white fragility and read another book how about white fragility is bad and a third book white white fragile ility fragility about how white people are superfragile about white fragility. >> it has been a real journey for him. >> i'm almost ready to rejoin society, i just have to nail me

he reentry, people think i'm a selfish jerk and they are not wrong. have i to apologize to everyone and make sure they know have i grown and changed as a person. i'm thinking something splashy mid july. >> that is ten months away. >> yeah, i know, it is going to be tight. >> trevor: please welcome ed helms. ed helms. >> all right, all right. >> welcome to the daily show. >> thank you so much. >> it is a little weird because you work in this very same studio for how many years? >> like four, four and a half years. >> four and a half years. >> yeah. >> i like what you have done with the place. >> thank you very much, thank you very much. >> yeah. >> pushed it up a little bit, we had a pandemic in the middle, set a few things up, you know. >> but your stuff is still here if you wanted anything. >> i hope, no one has moved into my office, right. >> no, no, of course not.

>> okay, good. >> welcome to the show. >> thank you, thank you. >> by the way, i love what you have done, not only with the furniture but with the show, you're crash crushing it. >> thank you. >> i love what you have done with everything. >> you are easily one the funniest people around. many people were introduced to you through the hangover but everything is done has been so funny and rutherford when i first read about this seemed like oh, you are trying to throw it all away. because it was a story of-- really s it seems like a crazy story, like i'm going to play a white guy who goes into a native american community and basically like fights with them about their own land it doesn't seem like comedy but it is really funny and a great story. >> yeah, well, i guess that was the challenge is to try to keep that character sim pathetic. i mean it really is like the show was born out of this observation just that people were kind of not listening to each other, and being crazy and

so we wanted to kind of depict somebody who is having trouble kind of hearing opposing views or hearing that maybe his interpretation of history is very wrong. and yet also that that can be a good person who wants to do better also. >> right. >> can i tell you what i love about the show is that it's funny, it's poignant, it has i think, i will stand to be corrected, possibly the largest native american writing room in all of television maybe. >> stup there. >> it is up there. >> trevor: you have like a native american d-- you have done the thing that everyone says is impossible. everyone goes if you include people than white people don't work, and like you're working, they're workings t say great show. >> i am doing okay. >> trevor: you're doing okay. >> theree doing okay. >> yeah there is another show called reservation dogs which is

also amazing. >> trevor: a amazing. >> and that show has a done of native american writers and directors, a lot of art directors we shared a lot of directors between the shows. and yeah, it's just been an incredibly humbling experience for me. i think before getting too this i intellectually understood the value of representation and i could talk about it very fluently and advocate for it. but being in this experience has just like really made it kick in for me in a way that i don't know, it is incredible. >> it shows, because like the jokes that you are telling, the story lines that you have, it doesn't become something that is not supposed to be. it becomes fresh, authentic, i mean that's why it got renewed is what i think. season two, it is an exciting season change as well. i don't want to spoil anything for those who haven't seen the first season but only slee your character comes into the room

trying to preserve his name, rutherford name and realizes his family doesn't stand for the best things in the past but as we go into season two the journey changes slightly. what can you tell us about it? >> so yeah, we left at the end of season one my character really had this like catastrophic identity crisis and i think going-- and all of season one really i think my cocreators, mike scher and-- the three of us really wanted to grapple with some big ideas, big issues. season two we were like well, we kind of did a lot of homework in season one and this ensemble is so funny and our writers are so-- let's lean into the comedy more and so i think this season we still, there are still a lot of very sharp sat ire that i'm very proud of. but it's also more joyful, it's sillier, it's just, i don't know. >> when you say lean into the comedy more, i'm excited but

also a little worried because i have heard stories about you, at the daily show with john stewart when were you a correspond, you had a mole removed on camera for the show. >> that's true. >> like the procedure done. >> yeah. >> on its hangover, you are allowed them to take out one of your teeth for the movie. >> yes. >> that is real. >> that really happened. >> yeah. >> you were like oh special effect, no, that was just him, just him being affected that is all it was. so when you say lean in, are you still willing to dot craze ye thing. >> so season two of this show, i remove-- i get decapitated for real, my head, it is like, and you know, thankfully like we've got great doctors and everything. i'm fine as you can see. but yeah, gi the extra mile. >> you really do though. >> i'm super committed, supermethod. >> like do your family and friends worry about you because i know people who go the extra mile for comedy, does your dentist worry, do your doctors

worry? >> i guess, there is nothing-- i don't know if this is a good thing but there is virtually nothing i won't do for a laugh. >> i have no pride or dignity. and so that's a very freeing thing in show business. >> i think it's not just freeing, it is the reason you are one of the funniest and most amazing people we get to see on the screen, thank you for being on the show. i appreciate you. huge fan. season two of rutherford falls is now streaming on peacock f you haven't woched it, watch one, then two. we're going to take a quick break, we'll be right back after this.

>> trevor: that's our show for tonight but before we go, before we go, please consider supporting out youth, right, they are an organization that serves central texas lgbtqia plus youth and their allies with programs and services to ensure that these promising young people develop into happy, healthy, successful adults. out youth hosts a variety of programs and provides training and resources for parents, teachers and community members free of charge, so if you can donate at the link below. until next time stay safe out

there. and remember your sex life is hitting a rut, you might want to take the trash out. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> in a dimension between left and right, between space lasers and-- lives of dimension of the imagination, the marjorie zone. >> we've already warmed one degree celsius and do you know what has happened since then, here, let me tell you. we have had more food grown since then which feeds people, we are able to produce fossil fuels, keep people's houses warm in the winter, that saves people's lives, people die in the cold. >> right. >> this earth warming and carbon is actually healthy for us.

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♪ and he likes to eat the sandwiches ♪ - well, hey, fellas. - hey, kenny. - now, gosh darn it, my name's not kenny. kenny's dead, and you're all gonna have to learn to deal with that. - okay, not-kenny. - hey, south park! you can meet jared in person march 6th at the kenny mccormack memorial town square. - oh, boy, jared's coming to town. - dude, that's today! - we gotta get down there. come on, not-kenny. - now, gosh darn it, my name's not not-kenny. - okay, come on, not-not-kenny. - i'm getting steamed now. - ohh, chitty wok, chitty wok! i take order, please. - excuse me, can we get through here? - hell, no, i've been saving this spot for six hours. ♪ his name is garrison mr. garrison ♪ ♪ he lost 10 pounds taking jared's lead ♪ - here he comes! - ♪ he's still looking good with all those sandwiches ♪ - thank you all so much. you know, after a year of eating delicious sub sandwiches, i've proven weight loss is easy.

and i promise you, i will always be your faithful leader in easy weight loss. - all right! - that guy ate all the sandwiches he wanted and lost weight. he is so cool. [knocking] - mr. fogle, some fans wanted to see if you'd sign their sandwich. - sure, let them in. hi, kids. - wow, jared. - dude, did you really lose all that weight eating nothing but sub sandwiches? - i sure did. well, i also had a little help on the side. - what kind of help? - well, eating sub sandwiches was a big part of it. but the way that i lost so much weight was that i got aides. - a-aids? - that's right, i got aides about two years ago, and i've been losing weight ever since. it's amazing how slim you can get with aides. - i'll bet you can. - would you like to meet them? - them? - my aides. scott, tyler! scott is my personal trainer, and tyler is my dietitian. - hello! - hello! - oh! a-i-d-e-s, aides. - yeah, hooray for aides! - well, that's not really what you say in the commercial. - i know; you kind of have to read the fine print at the bottom of the screen.

it says i only ate a half-size lean turkey sandwich with no mustard or mayo or anything like that. and then had proper diet and exercise aides. - but you're lying to people. if they knew that you didn't just eat all the sandwiches you want, you might not be so popular. - you think so? why should it matter? - it matters, dude. - hmm. - that penis-butt didn't lose weight eating sub sandwiches. he lost weight because he ate less of them and exercised. - yeah, it's only in america somebody can become famous just because they go from being a big fat-ass to not being a big fat-ass. - oh my god, you guys-- i think i'm having a genius moment. yes, yes, it's coming to me now. - is that-- that's diarrhea. - no. don't you see what this all means? anybody could do what he did. what's to stop someone else from going to say, city wok, and cutting a deal with them, say they'll eat nothing but their chinese food, but then eat only a little tiny bit of it and exercise? - then city wok could say their food makes you lose weight. - that's right, stan, it's a cash cow, i tell you. - that's a great idea! - lose weight and make money. i tell you, this is gonna be the greatest thing that butters has ever done. - me? - who do you think i'm talking about, butters, joyce dewitt? - oh, no, i thought you meant you.

you're the fat one. - i can't lose weight, butters, because i'm not fat, i'm big boned. you can't slim down bones, stupid. - but butters isn't fat. - that's my whole point. first, we fatten him up. then we make the deal with city wok. then, take the weight back off. - he's right; if butters is naturally skinny, he'll be able to take the weight off faster. - but, fellas, if i get fat, my parents will ground me. - oh, come on, just think about how famous you'll be. - you mean like jared? - yeah, dude, you'll be just like jared. - well, the heck with that, you said jared was a penis-butt. - you wouldn't be a penis-butt, butters, you'd be famous. just think about all those people following you around, singing songs to you just 'cause you lost some weight. - ♪ his name is butters it's butters ♪ - ♪ used to be fat but not no more ♪ - ♪ city wok brought him down to a size four ♪ - ♪ now he's got lots of moneys and girls ♪ ♪ and a lifetime of free food at city wok ♪ - wow. - christine, you know i love you very much and i can't wait for the wedding. - i love you too, jared. you changed my whole life. - ♪ her name is donez christine donez ♪ ♪ she lost 40 pounds when she met jared and-- ♪ - i know, i know. but, ah, some young boys were talking to me earlier and they made me think that people might not be so proud