i'll get him out. time to wake up the family. yea! you'll get lucky. i'm gonna get you today. it's here. [ ominous music playing ] hell no. -no. mystery woman: great seats. you could see the actors spitting. -really. -mm-hmm. and, afterwards, we went backstage, and olympia dukakis autographed my playbill. -oh. what are you saying, you got her autograph? -yeah. do you have it with you? yeah, it's in my purse. uh, let me see. you know, i really think i'm falling for you, jerry seinfeld. oh, well, i really think i'm falling for you... "joseph poglia." i had it autographed for my uncle. yeah, i know.

you don't know my name, do you? yes, i do. what is it? it-- it rhymes with a female body part. what is it? mulva? um...uh... gipple? loleola? oh! dolores! >> coming to you from new york city, the only city in america,

it's "the daily show." tonight is real, pineapples are hiding something. and gregory robinson. this is the daily show with trevor noah! (cheers and applause). >> trevor: what's going on, everybody, welcome to the daily show, i'm trevor noah thank you so much for tuning in. thank you for coming out, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you so much. thank you so much, take a seats, let's do this, people, let's do this, we've got a wonderful shore for you tonight, dallas has solved school shootings. we discover the truth behind fruit and inflation now has an evil twin. so let's do this, people, let's jump straight into today's

headlines. (applause) oh wow, thank you, thank you. let's kick things off with inflation, surprise. it's the reason parents are also throwing tantrums in grocery stores right now. for the past year or so the price of everything we buy has been skyrocketing because as companies face higher costs, to make their products, they have to pass those costs on to the consumers, and i know what you are thinking right now, you're like trevor, can't they keep their prices the same and make a slightly smaller profit. ha ha, come on, you're adorable, less profit. ha ha ha. but it turns out some companies are not raising their prices. and not because they are angels it is because they fowbd a much sneakier way to make the same profit as before. >> from the rising cost of inflation to the growing trend of shrink flaiks. >> the next time are you shopping check closely this life serial box got taller but lost

two and a half ounces almost a bowl and a half of cereal, experts call it shrinkflation. >> a very sneaky way to pass on a price increase. they know consumers will notice a direct price increase but they won't notice if the product gets a little bit smaller. >> we found some products, you see this charmin, if you look really closely you will see the size of the rolls went from 396, 396 sheets to 366 sheets, you wouldn't know it, it says supermega on top. and here is my favorite, gatorade it kind of grew a waistline t used to be 32 ounce, now it is 28 ounces but it is the same height, you can see it there. >> trevor: yeah, she's right that gatorade bottle is looking good. (laughter) (laughter) like damn, what you been doing, gatorade? you stopped drinking gatorade? but yes, from soda to cereal, and even toilet paper, companies are secretly shrinking the size of their product. but you pay the same. now you probably noticed this, right. back in the day you bought a big

bag of chips, everyone ate, these days you open the bag, and there is one chip holding it to make it look big. and the worst part about shrinkflation is if you complain about it you sound crazy, right f are you like guys, i think these oreos are 1.7 times stuffed people be like all right, buddy, put on the jacket, get in this white van, we got you. >> the toilet paper one is probably the worst because i'm sure like me, many of you, you know how many sheets are in a roll. yeah, i do it automatically i will be like 394, 395, oh ahh. if fact there should be a law f companies are going shrink their product, they should at least have to tell us they're doing it. yeah, cuz right now they're being slick. acting like drug dealers cutting their product to stretch their supply. now we've got to try and catch them out, wait a minute this yog utt is mostly bird foodness.

>> let's move on from america's he internal problem, gun violence this week texas released its report on how the police department handled the school shooting that happened there and the report concluded that the cost and i'm quoting here sucked ass. >> but the report added that even if the police response had been flawless, it wouldn't have saved most of the kids because someone armed with an ar-15 style rifle can just do too much damage too fast. so the solution to try and stop the next shooting is obvious, and no, don't say it is banning the ar-15s, that is racist. the constitution is very clear about who has rights in this i c. it goes corporations, guns, children, then guns again, the national anthem, then women, but only women who are holding a gun, that is pretty much it. but apparently, if you are open minded there are lots of ways to stop school shooting was getting rid of guns. in fact check out what this one school district in texas is

getting up to. >> here in north texas the dallas isd is trying something new to keep students safe. it is requiring clear or mesh backpacks for students in 6 through 129 grades. >> students will be able to carry a small pouch inside the bag that isn't clear to hold cell phone, money and hygiene products. >> clear backpacks, are they effect nif keeping weapons out of schools? experts say crime does not necessarily go down because of them. >> well-intended but relatively ineffective. you can still hide a weapon inside of a clear backpack, inside of a book, a cut out in a book, inside of clothing. >> this video shows how easy it is to hide weapons, regardless of having a clear backpack or not. >> >> trevor: goddam! how many guns did that guy have in his pant, did you see that, it started out scary and at some point it was just a magic trick, and this behind the ear an ar-15. but for real what are we doing

here, people. i'm constantly amazed at how america is willing to get rid of everything except guns, everything. will be considered. all right let's get rid of normal backpacks, everything is see through, also you know what, no more clothes for these kids, yeah, yeah, they could be hiding the guns anywhere, now that i think about it, get rid of all the kids in school, that way the guns can finally go there in peace. i think we solved it. and you know who is really going to be negatively affected by these clear backpacks, all those jocks who are secretly smart, yeah. cuz now they are going to be exposed, wait a minute, chad, like are you carrying around shakespeare in your backpack, no, dude, it is just to cover my boner, man, i swear,s doth thou not believe eth me. >> clearly those things are not going to stop shootings. there is only one thing that is going to stop shootings. we all know what it is. just cut to the chase and arrest all the weird kids. yeah, it's not fair and it's definitely not legal. it's not a good idea.

but it is a good idea. all right, finally. let's talk blt united states secret service. the people who wore one tiny ear phone before, secretler has been over the news because the january 6th committee wants to know what information they have about president trump's actions on the day his fans went tail gight in nancy pelosi office so the committee told the secret service give us all the text messages you were sending that day, but the secret service said this. >> the secret service says it cannot recover these elitist text messages from january 5th and 6th of last year. "the washington post" is reporting the agency has no new texts to provide to congress and that any other messages exchanged between agents around the time of the attack were purged. >> the secretary are the service claims these messages were erased as part of a device replacement program adding any insin ways that the secret service maliciously deleted text messages following a request is false. >>s no secret service texts are

gone, gone, gone. >> gone. like really not ever to be recovered. >> trevor: wow. this is so sad. the sack receipt service lost all the texts from january 6th because they were doing a device replacement program. what a perfect-- i mean terrible thing. oh. why do i feel like this is the same kind of device replacement program you do when your partner asks you to explain where you were the other night, yeah, i was due for an upgrade because what, me and keisha were up to. so i had to, yeah, apple called me, and yeah. and you know what is interesting, how they are saying once you delete a text there is no way to return t once they delete a text is gone, if any of us lost a text, the secret service would find it, yeah. they would sphiend the shit out of it. (applause) , be like all right, i deleted it, they would be like give me that phone, ha so this is what

you were doing with keisha. ah, shit. >> and look, i know many people are angry saying i condition believe the secret service isn't handing over these texts but i don't know, maybe because i'm south african i just assumed this would happen. yeah, the secretary are the-- secret service, that is their job, right to keep secret f they give you the text, you should fire them, snitch. the real question we should be asking is why are they even texting? imagine the capitol was being overrun by a mob of facebook comments come to life, people are trying to hang the vice president and the secret service is texting? guys what is this thing for. -- what-- you tells me all that shit is happening and someone is using text, hey guys, just wanted to warn you the vice president is in asia. oh, sorry, auto correct, i meant danger. the vice president is in danger. send-- never mind, the problem

solved itself. and i know a lot of people think this was a huge conspiracy, i do. people say this is prf that the secret service was in on the capitol assault but could be a much simpler answer. maybe they just don't want people to see the text that they were sending about their boss. yeah. like i know i wouldn't want that. can you imagining being at the congressional hearing and liz cheney is like so agent johnson, what did you mean when you texted president poop emoji is baby crying emoji in car emoji. >> i would rather go to jail, ma'am. >> trevor: that is it forth headlines but before we go let's check in on traffic with our very own roy wood, jr., everybody. (applause) >> what's going on, roy. >> yeah so what is happening in the traffic. >> what do you want to know? what do you want to know about

traffic. >> trevor: i don't know why we have to fight about this, provide, i want to who what what is the traffic is. >> you want to know traffic. >> trevor: yeah. >> okay, that say car. when there is a group of them t is called a traffic. so that say group of traffics. all moving around. i mean honestly, what we really need to be talking about is how the price of gas went down and that is why traffic went up. because everybody outside driving again, it's terrible, this is terrible. >> trevor: no. >> gas going down it terrible. >> trevor: no, you were the one say ug want the price of gas to go downing, that is what you said. >> when i said that? >> trevor: no, you said that on the show. >> on this show? i said it on this show? >> trevor: which other shoarks you said it on this show. >> you can't prove t we ain't got no tape. what we need to be talking about is this shrinkflation, because that say serious shoorks i say shrinkflation all the time, i be in the drive threw, you see that big burger, the picture, they show you big perfect burger and

you go around to pick up your burger and that burger shrinked. that is shrinkflation, all types of shrinkflation. that is yus one of the forms. >> trevor: that is different, but yeah. >> like it is not just the product that y'all, that you was talking about just now there is alot of different things. let me ask you a serious question. >> trevor: yeah. >> have you noticed that you have been getting less condoms? (laughter) you buy a three pack, have you noticed-- . >> trevor: you are, are you saying have i noticed that there are fewer condoms in the pack? >> don't there is people here, don't make me explain. less, like-- you know like when you got a hitted head at first it come down to here and then it just be signature up there. like, out of nowhere, you don't

have as much, because like where is the rest. (laughter) do you even use contra ception, do you even understand? >> trevor: can we talk about the traffic? >> look, here is the other thing about shrinkflation. we don't need to just focus on what is happening now, we've got to go back to the source for shrinkflation. the first group of people that started shrinkflation, we got to shut them down and that is how you stop all the shrinkflation, the shrinkflation ain't new, you know who did it first, the girl scouts. the girl scouts did it first. (applause) don't you trust them little berets. them girl scouts when you used to buy girl scout cookies, they would be this long back in '84. now every year, shorter and shorter and shorter, the cookies are thinner, and thinner. and thinner.

and that is not right, man, that's not right. then to add insult to injury, at least with these corporations you make the box of cereal smaller but at least they leave the regular logo and the regular picture of the cereal charge you more money for less product, then they put a picture on the box of them having a good time with your money. (applause) you want to talk about the traffic now? >> trevor: no, i feel like we ran out of time once again, roy. >> no, we can talk about it we have time. >> trevor: no, we're good. >> we can talk about it. >> trevor: this always happens. >> that's my bad, that's my bad, next time. >> trevor: next time. >> next time, i got you on traffic, for real. >> trevor: okay. i will believe it when i see it. >> for real. >> trevor: i feel like you

promise me this much traffic and then it shrinks down. >> what did you just say. >> trevor: thank you so much, roy wood, jr., we're going to take a quick break, before we go, don't eat that apple. i will tell you why when we come back. (applause) ♪♪ ♪ who break it, ♪ ♪ pound it, ♪ [scraping] ♪ and drag it all around ♪ ♪ who twist it, and turn it, ♪ ♪ you cannot tear it down ♪ ♪ crush it, and kick it, ♪ ♪ when you can never win ♪ ♪ well i know you can't lick it ♪ [splashing] ♪ i make you give in ♪ ♪ [shattering] ♪ ♪ cause every minute of every hour you'll be shaken ♪ [explosion] ♪ by the strength and mighty power of my love ♪ ♪ by the strength and mighty power of my love ♪ how dare you? -how dare you? [explosion] ♪ by the strength and mighty power of my love ♪ no wonder no one wants to come home for easter to their filipino parents. hallelujah. make sure you're not late for dinner. [ tires screeching ] [ screaming ] i am a black belt.

oh my god. filipino families fight a lot, but we love a lot too. we're sending gifts to the philippines. i'm sending this blue hair dryer. if it makes your hair look like that, i wouldn't send it. we should put them both in the box and ship it. okay, snacks and popcorn are gonna be expensive. let's just accept that. going to the movies can be a lot for young homeowners turning into their parents. bathrooms -- even if you don't have to go, you should try. we all know where the bathroom is and how to us it, okay?

you know, the stevensons told me they saved money bundling their boat insurance with progressive. no one knows who those people are. -it can be painful. -hand me your coats. there's an extra seat right here. no, no, no, no, no. we don't need a coat wrangler. progressive can't save you from becoming your parents, but we can save you money when you bundle home, auto, and more with us. no one who made the movie is here.

. >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, if you spent any

time online at all you know that there are conspiracy theories about everything. the war in ukraine is scriptedded. the fbi, the january 6th. the illuminati is real but beyons isn't in it but those are just the obvious ones which is why we have a special segment that reveals the conspiracy you never even knew about. >> conspiracy, they're everywhere. or are they nowhere. or is that exactly what they want you to think. >> well, for every they, there is a me. i'm kevin matthew kelp, follow me as i pull back the curtain to find the truth behind the curtain. this is project conspiracy. a lot of the most well-known conspiracies are about what goes into our bodies, fluoride, microchips, spiders the chinese sent to crawl into our mouths while we sleep.

but there might be one government spyware we have all been overlooking. that's right, fruit. let's go. look, every single piece of fruit has a sticker on it. apples, pears. whatever these are. even the pineapple. out. these fruit-- ow. [bleep] these fruit stickers were everywhere, but they weren't the fun kind that say things like grape job or i love you berry much. instead they were filled with mysterious neumer kal codes. granny smith. how do they know my grandmother's last name. i tried everything i could to crack this conspiracy, i listed every number i could think of, even seven. but it was no use, the codes were unbreakable. if i was ever going to blow this conspiracy wide open i would have to go undercover.

>> i love fruit, just love buying fruit. just an ordinary guy buying lots of fruit. >> you probably wondering why i am buying so much fruit, because i'm having a fruit party later. >> okay. >> unfortunately you can't come, so. >> okay. >> yeah, hey, i did notice that on all the fruit they have these stickers, you don't know what that is about, do you? >> i guess so they can track the fruit or something. >> oh my gosh, she admitted it, run. >> who are you talking to. you forgot the fruit for your fruit party. >> oh my god, oh my god. thanks to my espionage skills we established the codes are used for tracking. but now it is time to find out who is doing the tracking. does anybody know. >> after my usual investigative techniques turned up nothing. >> does anybody know where these little stickers come from. >> i was able to find some answers by hacking the deep state. >> meet the ifps, the international federation for produce standards, aka a secret global cabal because i have

never heard of it before. and guess what, they are in cahoots with the fba, aka, the government. the fda regulates the adhesive on these stickers and they so happen to be the same shadow organization that suggests you eat three to four servings of fruit every day, an amount of fruit that is so ridiculous that anybody that tried to do it has probably consumed stickers without even realizing it. are these stickers track thing the fruit or maybe they're tracking you. so as the government really trying to trick us into eating stickers, something every teacher from kindergarten through college told me not to do. there is only one way to find out. let's see if my stomach can handle the truth. >> should have gone with its apple. it was immediately clear that eating the sticker turned me

into a walking gps for the government. everywhere i went i was being followed by big brother. the police watched my every move. secret agents pretended to read newspapers. >> hey. >> not so sneaky with your special spy gadget now, are you. >> the evidence couldn't be clearer. the fda is tracking us through fruit stickers more like the food and deceit administration. that's actually pretty good. i should write that down, where do you come up with this stuff, kevin. >> now that i have uncovered the truth, i can't be a part of this corrupt sticker system any more. luckily i don't need the fda in their spy fruit because some of the best fruit is actually regulated bid mother nature, oh yeah. hmmmm, hmmmm. tastes like freedom, yeah.

>> (cheers and applause) >> stay tuned because when we come back the director of the world's biggest telescope will tell me what he found in outer space, so don't go away. ♪ [beeping] do you want some more?! wait 'til you see me on the downhill... [laughs] see you at home. enjoy advanced safety at the lexus golden opportunity sales event.

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mmm i gotta big ol' bowl for 5 bucks, i gotta big ol' bowl for 5 bucks. it's got mac n cheese n chicken n cheese, i got a big ol' bowl for 5 bucks... woo! get free delivery on everything. order through the kfc app or kfc.com. that's finger lickin' good! >> welcome back to the daily show, my guest tonight is a long time nasa employee who quloafer saw the program that launched the largest and most powerful satellite into space. for the first time ever, thanks to the james webb space telescope we've seen deeper into the universe than ever before, so please welcome gregory

robinson. (cheers and applause) welcome (applause) mr. robin son, welcome to the daily show. >> i'm glad to be here, really an honor. >> trevor: i'm so excited to you have here because there is one of the biggest stories, everyone saw it on social media. there was a picture of like what seemed like the universe, everything, and it was like here is the old one, here is the new one and then we all had to act like we knew why that was pornts. but you actually are the person behind why it happened and how it got together so let's start with this. for everybody stob on the same page, mostly me y is the jump in telescope technology so impressive and why is it so important. >> when we compare we are comparing to hubbell which was state-of-the-art 30 years ago. and webb gives us a much bigger mirror, six and a half meters versus 2.4 for hubbell. and the infra-- hubble, and the infrareds if you think about

night vision, you can see heat through something, so it gives infrared capabilities so we can look through the dust and clouds and gook of space and look much further back, of course our science and treuments are a lot more complex too, so the clarity is a lot better and the depths is a lot better. >> what i know is really confusing sometimes when talking about anything in space, is that sometimes they say things in terms of time. and sometimes they say things in terms of distance. and it gets, you know, it will be like we're seeing something from 13 billion years ago. i'm like i'm sorry, what? what does that even mean. >> well, sometimes i say what as well. so we are looking at light traveling 186,000 miles per second, if you can imagine, that so we are looking at light, something that happened billions of years ago and it is just reaching us now, so it is time, distance, travel of light. and that is actually what we are looking at. >> so we can see what happened a

really long time ago somewhere else out there. what do we use this information for, will it tell us that aliens like left a long time, now they are already here. does it tell us where we are going to go after we destroy earth what is it telling us. >> you know in astrophysics and astronomy we are always looking to answer questions, where do we come from, how do we fit into this universe, are we alone which is another one we are looking for. so it helps inform us on how we fit into the universe and as far as light travel, i remember growing up in the country and shining a flash light up in the sky and saying i wonder how long it is taking to get to a certain point, which is the same kind of thing as light travel, which is what you are looking for. >> it is interesting you say that, growing up in the country, i read your story and you have one the plos fascinating journeys i have ever come a gross. you crew up, your parents are share croppers in rural vurnlgia, you went to a segregated school, you didn't have the education you wanted to and now here i are, the plan who was brought in to basically get

this $10 billion telescope up and running, it was failing before you stepped in. they called you and said we need to do. this and did you it. (cheers and applause) where does that light come from and how did you get it to. >> a couple of things, one is that education in the segregated school was excellent. we had some of the best teachers in the world, many of them were far more educated than the teachers in other schools because they couldn't get jobs in the industry like they can today. so we had great teachers who really nurtured us and cared about us. so my beginnings were very strong. and so of course i lived through its apollo time, i was a little kid then which excited me, but that still didn't get my interest in space. i was in college and friends of mine did internships at nasa and made it sound so interesting. and a few years later i started my career in the industry but a few years later i actually joined nasa and four and a half years ago, there were some

issues. my boss asked me to try to get over the goal line, now i will say a lot of the work was already done, blr completed. so thanks to the team for that. and this team is incredibly smart team of people as you can imagine at nasa. so smart is never a shortage of nasa. and further not for this team. this team is not just nasa, st a whole industrial base, the european space agency, the condition dan space agency, two of our big partners. >> trevor: let me ask you a question, i believe you are retiring soon, correct. >> yes, i'm retiring soon. life comes fast,. >> trevor: that is, you have been around for so long. you have done such a great job. i think nasa is going to miss you. but because you are retiring i feel like you could probably tell me a few things you wouldn't be allowed. you flow when you are leaving, so have you taken any pictures and then seen something that, like they don't tell us about. like you know, let me put it this way in. new york if you have a superpoered with telescope and

shane it in another person's apartment you might see something, and i'm wondering if you have seen some things out there but you don't tell us or all the pictures, you can just-- whisper i'm close. >> well, i think your telescope in new york, you probably see something you have already seen before. i think in our case we will certainly see things we haven't seen before but a lot clearer. we will learn things that we can never even imagine so as we answer questions we also create new questions for the future. >> what are we using the answers to these questions to do? you know, i understand there is some importance to it but how does it help what happens on earth or what are people hoping we'll learn from these telescopes and what they are revealing. >> one we learned a lot about physics and if you think about it, and go back many, many years, think much the physics text book. we have information today that wasn't there then and if you think about just a hundred years

ago, we thought that was just one galaxy in the whole universe. and hubble, hubble tell scoap discovered more galaxy, so we know a lot more about who we are, where we are, where we come from. and so that is on an astrophysics side but other science missions tell us a lot about the earth, how interaction with its sun, how that impacts, so the earth has a system in the solar system. >> i see, so now that you have the james webb telt scope hubble was until a few months ago, you know, everybody-- in space, i just felt a lirl sad on hubble's behalf. everybody is just like how shit hubble's pictures are, what happens to hubble now. >> so hubble has been operating more than 30 years. >> trevor: yeah. >> and again it was state-of-the-art it is going to continue operating. >> trevor: okay. >> there are still things we benefit from hubble.

so we will still looking forward to wrong time operation. >> trevor: something hubble can do that the web telescope can't can't do. >> not at the level we're talking about, not at all. >> trevor: you are were just being nice to hubble. >> well, two or three months ago hubble discovered a star that was 900 million years after the big bang. so wrap that around your head, 900 million years. after big bang, now and space that is still a long time but we are talking billions, that is looking back quite a bit. >> trevor: that is really fascinating. i mean i love the idea that you are part of this mission, you get this telescope, you have to shoot it up into space and you start taking the pictures, whose job is it to stitch the pictures together and unblur the pictures because when you take the picture, i heard it basically looks like nothing, that is what i have been told, like somebody has shown you a picture of fit and they go no, i see something, like who is doing that and how

do you do it and operate the thing. >> so the scientists actually know what they are looking at. >> trevor: okay. >> and so they do what we call processing to make the pictures look more presentable too the human eye. >> trevor: right. >> to idiots, you can say it. >> well. >> i know. >> i'm one of those humans too. >> so the scientists process t they use the science instruments and have the post processing behind the instruments to make it look like what we've seen recently. but they know what they are looking at when they receive it. >> so the get it they make it simpler for us. >> absolutely. >> so i would love to know where your journey goes from here. you have been part of nasa for such a long time. you've been part of the biggest, you know, discovery or invention that humans have ever created. where to from here. you retire and then what do you do. >> now it is the scientists job for the next 20 plus year, i know they will do well. so it is just that time, i'm not

running from or to anything, it's just time. as i often say, i'm don't let the looks fool you, i'm still a young man but i'm getting up there. so i still plan to do some other things. still exploring what mi going to do when i grow up. looking forward to it. >> thank you so much for being on the show. >> thank you. >> thank you for helping, we have to take a quick break but will be right back after this. thank you so much.

>> well, that's our show for tonight but before we go, please consider supporting keen, an organization providing free fitness and recreation programs for youth with disabilities, if you want to help them offer equal opportunities for recreation, fitness and friendship then please donate at the link below, stay safe and remember if your boss ever complains that are you not doing enough work, just tell them shrinkflation is a bitch baby, now here st, your moment of zen. >> st very steamy out here, i push through the weather deck doors to get outside, and

immediately went blah because that is just how it feels out here t feels like pea soup. >> it is so hot out here, my phone shut down. >> on a day like today, everybody wears sweatpants. >> all pants you could be sweating in any kind of pants you wear. >> oh my god, high mayor. >> when is it going to break, when is the weather going to break, captioning sponsored by comedy central captioned by ♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ goin' down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪ ♪ heading on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ♪ mrph rmhmhm rm! mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪

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[ indistinct shouting ] detective harris: everyone, calm down. please. we have to have civil order. listen to me! [ shouting stops ] now, i know everyone is scared, but we have to keep control. yes, all our e-mails and internet histories are about to become public knowledge. [ shouting resumes ] -but! but! [ shouting stops ] we all need to understand that troll trace will never happen if people don't log on to use it. the website is a massive database that cross-references everything ever said on the internet. it relies on people typing in a name and address of someone else to add to that database. if we can all agree to resist the urge to look up other people's internet histories, maggie, okay?