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obama's back in the white house. fashion week is back again. and edward enninful. this is "the daily show," with trevor noah. ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: what's going on, everybody. welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you for coming out in person. thank you so much. thank you so much. thank you so much. thank you so much. take a seat. let's do it. we've got a really great show for you tonight. the war in ukraine is about to go nuclear. the new iphone can tell you when you've died. and barack obama is back in the white house. so let's do this, people. let's jump straight into today's headlines. ( cheers and applause ). >> trevor: all right. before we get into the big

stories, let's catch up on a few other things going on in the world. first up, the e-cigarette company juul has agreed to pay a settlement of nearly half a billion dollars for marketing their product to teenagers. and, obviously, this is really bad for the company. yeah. $500 million. the whole business has gone up in strawberry-flavored smoke. laugh this is great news for teenagers, because now they have half a billion dollars which they can spend on more juuls. yeah! meanwhile, in education news, new york city has announced that students will no longer get snow days and will instead attend classes on zoom. yes, this is a thing. no snow days, only zoom. oyeah. i mean, luckily, this isn't too big of a deal. i know it's sad, but you realize, thanks to climate change new york is getting snow for what, two years max now. by 2026, this is basically going to be florida with better bagels. but i do feel bad for these kids

missing out on such a big part of childhood. like, when i was growing up, there was nothing i loved more than waking up and checking the tv for school closings, you know, and i one like-- and then i'd remember that i grew up in africa, you idiots "! it doesn't snow there. they don't give a shit about you losing snow days. get out of here, you dumb kids. oh, in sports news, the u.s. so, federation has announced that the women's national team will now get paid the same amount of money as the men. ( cheers and applause ). that's right. that is right. female so, players have finally achieved their gooooaaallll. but you see, ladies, all you have to do is be literally the best in the world at something, and some day, you, too, will get paid the same amount as men who are mediocre at the same job. it is inspiring is what it is! it is inspiring. ( applause ) all right, but let's move on to

some of the bigger stories of the day, starting with the war in ukraine. and, yes, it is still going on, even though you put that flag in your profile photo. i know, i thought it would work, too. as the war drags on, the fallout is being felt around the world. europe is facing skyrocketing energy prices, africa is still suffering from grain shortages, and america has been forced to part with some of its most beloved missiles. but now, everyone is worried that the next fallout from the war could be nuclear. >> this morning, there are fears the zaporizhzhia nuclear plant in southern ukraine is accelerating towards a potential disaster. a report just released by a team of u.n. watchdog inspectors found seven pillars of nuclear safety have been significantly compromised >> inspectors who visited the plant say its security is being undermined by constant shelling and russian military equipment on the site. >> new images of damage caused by shelling at that nuclear power plant near zaporizhzhia, overnight, the u.n.'s nuclear

watchdog urging russia and ukraine to immediately cease all military operations in that area and establish a nuclear safety and security protection zone around the plant. >> we are playing with fire, and something very, very catastrophic could take place. >> trevor: uh, i don't want to be that guy, but i think this is a lot worse than playing with fire, okay. this is a nuclear apocalypse. i wish we were playing with fire. he's like, "s we're playing with fire." this guy needs to up the analogy game. he's like, "we're cruising for a bruising here." the u.n. is urging ukraine and russia to stop fighting around europe's largest nuclear power plant. and at this point, like, what is the u.n. even for, huh? because even i can urge ukraine and russia to not fight around a nuclear power plant. ( laughter ) the u.n. of u.n. should be able to make them stop! what does the u.n. do? "please stop." the u.n. has basically turned

into those parents who have no control over their kids. "aiden, don't kick your brother. okay, don't kick him near the coffee table. kick him over there. this is another sign vladimir putin has lost it. if a nuclear power plant blows up, it's next to russia. you're screwed. maybe this is what putin wants. maybe he wantaise nuclear disaster so he can roll around in a nuclear cloud and turn himself into a mutant. be like,s, i have new superpower. i am first russian with ability to smile." ( laughter ) ( applause ) let's move on from the technology that could kill us all to the technology that helps us waste time on the toilet. the iphone. every year, apple holds a big conference where they reveal the products that we're all going to buy to try to fill the emptiness in our lives.

and there's a lot of suspense for these events because nobody knows in advance what they're going to say. like, it could just be that the camera is a little better than last time. or they could announce that the new iphone can read your thoughts. but today's conference was somewhere in between. >> it's the day techies have been waiting for upon. apple is announcing its new products. right at the top is the latest iphone. the new iphone 14 and 14 plus both have larger screens and both are promising longer battery life throughout the day. also announced, the apple watch series 8. they come in seven colors. the new watch can track a whole bunch of stuff, including fertility. >> the newest thing is a temperature sensor that they use for ovulation and tracking menstrual cycles and crash detection. if you get into a car crash it can detect that and call emergency services and send them to your location. >> trevor: the new iphone and apple watch can detect when

you're a car crash. you know sometimes you're in a car crash, and you're like, "am i in a car crash?" and the phone is like, "you're in a car crash." i like how the phone is fine in the accident. the phone is like, "i'll call the cops for you." i'm kidding bhap it does is if you're incassitated, the phone will contact emergency services on your behalf. if it detect you're in a fatal accident, it will automatically delete all your porn in the cloud. thank you, tim cook, thank you so much. look, look, i'm all for safety. i'm all for safety. i just hope that if i do get into an accident, that me and siri are on the same page. otherwise, it could get a little awkward. ( coughing )

>> hello, 911, this is siri. trevor was in a car crash. >> trevor: thank you so much, siri. >> he was distracted because he was looking at his phone while driving. >> trevor: what? no, no snitch, siri, don't snitch. >> he was scrolling his ex's instagram. >> trevor: that's not true. i wasn't doing that. >> he still misses her, even though he's pretending to move on. >> trevor: actually, i'm just going to die. 911 hang up. i'm just going to die. i'm fine. i'm totally fine. ( applause ) now, the other big feature that apple announced is that the watch can now track a woman's menstrual cycle, fertility, and ovulation. yeah. so if you're trying to conceive, it can tell you what time it is. yeah. imagine that. everything. your cycle, your fertility, and your ovulation. a lot of people are excited about this, and a lot of republicans heard this and they

were like, "hey, that's our job. we track the ladies. maah. what are you doing, apple? maaah." but enough about apple. let's talk about barack obama. you guys remember him? ( cheers and applause ) remember him? he was a... he was a black guy, good speeches, never stole nuclear secrets from the government. ( laughter ) it's been more than five years since obama left office, but earlier today, he showed up at the white house again to retake power! i'm just kidding. i'm just kidding. he was there to unveil a painting. former president president obama and first lady michelle obama were back at the white house revealing their official white house portraits. >> it's my honor to invite you both to the stage for the unveiling of your official portraits. come on up. >> there you go. ( applause )

i want to thank sharon sprung for capturing everything i love about michelle-- her grace, her intelligence, and the fact that she's fine. ( applause ) she is. >> trevor: oh! get a room, you two! ( laughter ) oh! you know, seriously, get a room at the white house and help biden figure shit out, please. just get a room there. ( applause ) the guy is so great. i'm not going to lie, i am not an art expert. you know, i don't know the difference between michael angelo and the other ninja turtles, but what is going on with the obama portraits? like, why is he standing in a white void? i don't... no, like-- i don't get it. it looks like he got his portrait taken at the d.m.v. why does it look like this? it's like, "my license expired,

so let's kill two birds with one stone." what is he doing here? these portraits are going to hang in the white house forever. you understand that? it they should look white house. look at michelle's. she looks like a movie star, painted by a french artist. obama's looks like they ran out of printer torn for the background. there's nothing in the... you know, if you ask me, it's actually kind of ridiculous they do portraits anymore. just take a picture, right. the only reason they did portrats back then, they didn't have technology. a portrait takes so much time. you have to sit there for three hours while they're painting you and, when you're finally done they're like, "okay, now a silly one." ( laughter ) ( applause ) also, it must be really weird to live in a house with portraits of your enemies. do you ever think about that? because they hang these in the white house, but you're not in the white house anymore. the person who is in the white house probably doesn't roll with you. so you've just got enemies in your house. imagine if we had to do that,

everyone of us showing people around your house, "this is my ex who cheated on me. this is the guy who beat me up in fifth grade, brad." obama had to walk down hallways looking at george w. bush's picture. donald trump had to sit on the toilet with a portrait of bill clinton looking down on him, you know. just like, "look away. i can't go when i'm being watched. i can't do it. why did i put the picture in the bathroom!" you know what would actually be cool, if it would be cool if these portraits were live like in harry potter. wouldn't that be amazing. because then if trump did go back to the white house obama's portrait would be there helping him out. ( laughter ) it "donald, donald, be careful with those documents. they're classified. don't eat-- don't eat while you read them, donald. you're getting ketchup all over them. what's wrong with you. quick, quick, the saudi ambassador is coming, hide the

documents. don't sell the documents to the saudi ambassador. god, this bitch is dumb. oh, my god. i can't believe it. ." that's it for the headlines,s but before we go to a quick break, let's check in on the stock market with our very own finance expert michael kosta, everybody! good to see you michael. ( applause ) so what's going on? what's happening in the market today? >> i am crushing it. i mean, i am. i'm crushing it so hard, my apple watch sent a notification asking if i was in a car crash, okay. now, i was, but i fled, so it's fine, okay. so, oh, i got an h.t. for you. i got an h.t. for you as well. >> trevor: a what. >> h.t. short for hot tip. i like saying h.t. because it saves me time, but then i have to explain it's hot tip. and it may cost me more time. i might start going haaa-twhat

do you prefer trevor? .>> trevor: iust want to know what's happening in the market. >> this is the apple stock chart since inception of the company. that story about juul, the e-cigarette company. >> trevor: yeah. >> they took a hit with that half a billion dollar settlement. you can't market to teens. my question is how does the teen choice awards get away with it, all right? clearing marketing to teens, okay? this is why i'm the expert. you get it? and speak of juul okay... if you're trying to quit, do what i do-- suck on a u.s.b. stick, okay. there's no nicotine. i find them all over the office. okay? let me get to the stock chart, okay. now, this is-- now, they launched these new products, including the apple-- the iphone 14. hold on. one more thing. the story about the snow days. kid losing the snow days.

>> trevor: yeah, yeah. >> i know everyone's worried about kids missing school, but it's okay to have a few days off. look, i'm from michigan in the winter we had so many snow days i barely went to school. look how good i done learned right, see? ( applause ) all right, apple, apple. these guys are crushing it. but for a really long time, they weren't making any money because they were just selling fruit, you know what i mean? and they're selling if for, like, two bucks. and then steve jobs comes around. he said, "why don't we silent iphone for, like, $1,000, they start making money. steve jobs. is that a coincidence that he's named after the way we all make money? exactly. all right. so now, now, let me give you my "h" t.-- that's hot tip. i call it h.t. because it saves

me time. what you name your kid will determine their success in life. which is why my son's name is powbl kosta. powerball kosta. that's my hot tip. >> trevor: michael kosta, everybody. ( applause ) really great investment advice. thank you so much. don't go away. after the break, desi lydic is going to school us on fashion. you don't want to miss it. ( applause )

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( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." today is the beginning of new york fashion week. although, based on what you're wearing, i guess you didn't know about it. oh, hoe. but how did new york fashion week begin? desi lydic has the answer. >> it's "new york fashion week," the semiannual event when designers show their collection to the world so fast fashion brands can decide which styles to rip off. unlike wet subway seats, fashion week hasn't always been a new york institution. it's been a long walk down the runway. it started in france in the 1600s, which might not surprise you. back then, paris was very much not known for fashion. the french were about as stylish as a crock wearing a fanny pack.

madrid was the faction capital of the world. thanks to their tiny tapases they could fit into the sample sizes. everything changed for france when louie xiv. louie wanted the threads to show it. for him, fashion was essential to the monarchy's prestige. no one wants to be execute bide a guy wearing cargo shorts. his obsession built up the textile industry and soon turned paris into the world center of fashion, which by default, made it the world center of cocaine and bitchy gossip as well. it was under louie that france established the idea of showing fall designs in the spring and spring designs in the fall. so you can thank him for that trendy coat you're wearing in august. oh, who knew faux fur was so hot? france continued to dominate the fashion industry for centuries until world war ii, when paris was under german occupation. this grinded their fashion

influence to a halt because, "a," no one could come to paris to shop, and, "b," coco chanel was too busy banging nazis to make any clothes. i know, terrible, right? no matter how many times i remind them of this, the pu teaks won't give me a discount on the classic flat bag. paris' defeat turned out to be a win for the american fashion industry. the u.s. seized on the opportunity to fill that gap quicker than a forever 21 dress falls apart in the laundry. in 1943, america held the first fashion week, known then as "press week." launched by eleanor lambert, it launched careers. and by sportswear, i mean any casual clothing, not the athleisure you wear. three... four...

5. oh! whooo! this is tough. before "press week," magazines like "vogue" and "harper's desire" treated american designers the way they treated the kardashians in 2010-- they ignored them. once "press week" started they treated american fashion like, well, the kardashians now. she said she'd eat poop to look good. should i eat poop? no. new york fashion week became such an institution that fashion capitals like paris, london, and milan soon added their own versions and they continued pushing the fashion envelope to this day. you could only get away with severed heads in milan. if that was on a new york runway everyone would just assume it was another murder. as time passed, new york fashion week became home of so many seminal moments, like in the 50s when james skalanos

popularized feminine manner. and in the 70s, norma kamali introduced the sleeping back coat. although, if you just wear your kid's sleeping back, it looks almost as good. as styles changed, so did fashion week itself. in the 70s and 80s, it turned into a nonstop party. shows were held at nightclubs and celebrities started attending. by the early 2000s, celebs had become a permanent mainstay. sara jessica parker, harris hilton, everyone was there. and that hollywood glamour is still present to this day. what was larry david doing in the front row? he looked so midsterable to be there. he should have been on the catwalk. through the years, fashion week has had different homes in the city, from bryant park to lincoln center. but the most important place it's moved to in recent years is the same place you get all your

porn-- the internet. shows started live streaming and designers began inviting bloggers and influencers to events. this all democratized fashion and made more accessible to the public-- at least that's what i tell my therapist when we're working through my online shopping addiction. i'm broke. new york fashion week hasn't just reflected the changing technology. it's also held a mirror up to society from designers responding to the "me too" movement for the fight for racial equity on the runway. it's kind of the least the fashion industry could do after telling women not to eat for the last 100 years. so now you know everything about new york fashion week and how it came to be and how it's changing for the better. now, if you'll excuse me, i have some poop to eat. here we go. >> trevor: thank you so much for that desi.

stay tuned, when we come back, we'll be joined bilet editor in chief of "british vogue," edward enninful, so don't go away. ( applause )

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♪♪ i've always wanted to do that. next round on me! ♪♪ ( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the editor in chief of "british vogue" and editorial director for "vogue." he's written a memoir about his remarkable life called "a visible man." please welcome edward enninful. ( applause ) >> trevor: mr. edward enninful. >> trevor, trevor, trevor. >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." >> thank you for having me. >> trevor: it's really good to you have here. for so many years i would see you at, you know, some of the

coolest events. you were always, like, the face of fashion. it's always very intimidating to speak to you, by the way. >> you never seem intimidated. >> trevor: i really am, every time. because you are one of the-- i would say, like, the most prominent voices in the fashion world. >> oh, thank you. >> trevor: like, whenever i dress up, i know i've probably done something wrong, but who's going to say anything to me? and i see you and i'm like, "ah, there's edward. >> you look so good. you're very stylish. >> trevor: let's talk about the book and talk about this life. some people know your face from "british vogue." they'll know you for, you know, creating some of the most iconic covers, beyonce, for instance, on the cover of "vogue." people have seen you at fashion shows, fashion week. people-- people have seen you-- >> i'm everywhere. >> trevor: yeah, you are everywhere. but a lot of people may not know the story behind the man. and i love this book talks about it. let's start with what you do. i feel like you do everything. break it down a little bit for me. what is edward into now?

>> basically, what i do is i'm the red torfor "british vogue," which means you're really responsible for all the images, all the words in the magazine, and perception. then i'm also editorial director for all the vogues in europe. france, germany, spain. and that involves a lot of phone calls every day. no sleep. so i don't really sleep, that's what i do best-- no sleep. >> trevor: you shape what people think. i love that you highlight that part. often times i'll talk to people about fashion and the industry, and people go like, "who cares? i don't care about care. i don't care about fashion." >> it isn't brain surgery. >> trevor: it isn't brain surgery, and yet it affects everyone in every which way. you took a role no black person had ever had. you took a role no gay person. ever had. you were the first in so many positions and it feels like you live a life making sure-- i want

to know how you think about it. who is on the magazine, which designs are in the magazine, and what fashion should be? >> we think of the zeitgeist. who is representing the world today? who is everybody talking about? we have to think who is going to shock the world a bit because you can't always be safe. when i approach an issue, i approach it in, you know, diversity. we live in a world that's so diverse. i love all kind of women. i love big women, i like small women, black women, older women, and for me, women need to see themselves represented in the magazine every month. ( applause ) ( applause ). >> trevor: i wonder where this sense of yours came from. when i read through the story, we go through the life of a young ghanian boy and his family, moving from ghana to the united kingdom, having nothing,

really. having nothing. and just working your way up. and your mom has this influence, you know, on you in what she designed and how she was renowned as a designer. i'd like ton how much she shaped how you see fashion and its role in the world today. >> my mother literally shaped how i see not just fashion but the world. when you're african with-- my grandmothers, my aunt, my cousins, big women, tall women, loud women. and i'd always be in the cornering soaking up women. i love women. i love the energy. i would be in the corner and eventually somebody would be like, "edward, go get me water." and i grew up with my mother learning about design and color and really what women liked and what made them tick in terms of fashion. >> trevor: when you moved to the united kingdom i mean, the u.k. has changed so much over the years. in the book we follow that journey. we see a world where you didn't fit in, in so many ways. you didn't fit in as a gay man.

you didn't fit in as a black person in many places and you see these pictures of you at the very beginning with naomi campbell and kate moss. why on earth would you go into an industry whereesh told you you didn't belong? what made you stay there? >> i didn't have a choice. i was discovered on the train on my way to being a lawyer, a doctor, african professor. and i was discovered on the train to be a model. and this whole world opened up for me. little did i know that i was going to be the token or the chosen one. and when people are in that world, normally, they're like, i'm good, i'm on my own." for me it wasn't enough. i had to bring people up for me. i had to bring nigh friend, because i didn't want to be the only one in that space. >> trevor: i love that. i love that. ( applause ) you brought people-- you incorporated the people. you created a community-- >> a community. >> trevor: that has shaped the

way we see the world today. it wasn't easy. it didn't-- you know, i remember there was a tweet of yours that went viral, made the news around the world, and you talk about it in the book where you were in a pretty senior position at "vogue." >> i was the editor. >> trevor: there you are. and you have many of your contemporaries who were editors-- you were fashion director at that time, actually. and you were at the fashion show, and they seat everybody else in the front row. >> all the directors. >> trevor: and they put you in the second row, and you noticed there was one thing that was different between you and them. >> i mean, you can't miss my skin tone. >> trevor: i would love to know why you tweeted about it. so many other people would keep quiet, would be hurt. wouldn't want to ruffle any feathers. it was cheeky and fun. you said, "why is ita we all have the same job--" and i'm

paraphrasing but i'm in the second row. xoxo. >> when you're the one, it's your responsibility when those things happen to just tweet about it. let the world know that it's not right. it's not good. it can't happen. it can't keep happening. so by doing that, that has never happened to me again, i can assure you that. ( applause ) >> trevor: let's talk about fashion as a whole. >> yes. >> trevor: fashion has for so long gone through-- i feel like it's changed but it's often been resistant to change. models had to be anorexic, and the fashion industry was like, "we'll change, we'll change. over time, people said why aren't you more inclusive of more women's bodies. and they said, "we'll change, we'll change. now one of the bigger conversations people are having is about sustainability. fashion comes out with new

clothing every season. they say what you're wearing is old and you need new stuff. the old stuff gets thrown away and filling up landfills. do you see a push and why is it important for fashion to be at the forront to sustain what we aware. >> i've always preached buy better, buy less. buy things you can pass on to people-- your kids, your sisters. but for me, for my industry to move forward, we need to-- i don't know, just see that we're part of the world. the fashion industry so-- what's the word-- in its own little bubble. >> trevor: it is. >> in its own little bubbling. it's a reckoning and we're dealing with it right now. >> trevor: if you could change one thing about the fashion industry on your own with a magic wand, what would you change? >> i always wanted it to be more inclusive, and we're getting there. it's still not enough. i wish there were more people

from diverse backgrounds behind the scenes. not just on the runways, not just, you know, on phones, but just behind the scenes. not just interns but midlevel, senior level. that's really what glipt one of the things i appreciate you, one of the many things, you actually did that on the ground. when you were able to hire people, you made sure to hire people who had previously been excluded. it's not like you don't hire white people but you hire everybody now. everybody gets an equal opportunity to get into the building. have you reaped rewards of that? have you noticedded a change in "vogue"? >> i look at the magazines and see it's the norm to have women of different shapes and colors and i feel-- when i took the magazine over in 2017, that wasn't a conversation anybody was having. people were like, "you're going to get fired." i remember saying if i'm going to get fired, i'm going to get fired for something i believe in. not trying to be somebodile. >> trevor: i love that. >> and the world was ready.

>> trevor: i really that. i really do love that. it's a fantastic book that, i mean, i could talk to you for hours about because it talks about everything-- the aids epidemic, it talks about identity as a gay man, it talks about the fashion industry. it talks about your life as as an african. it feels like you touch on everything. it's a fan tash journey. i'm going to ask you for a favor pup don't create the passion fashion but you have such an influence. can i get you to get them stop saying "plus size model." >> curvy, i love curvy. i never liked that word, glergt people will be like,s, plus size model." >> beautiful, curvy, se, whatever you want. >> trevor: thank you so much for joining me on the show. congratulations on everything. >> thank you so much. >> trevor: always a pleasure seeing you. edward's memoir requested i have is available right now. we're going to take a quick break. we'll be right back after this.

it ( applause

( cheers and applause ) >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. but before we go: please consider supporting

"the kids in need foundation." they go to under-resourced schools and provide much-needed supplies like backpacks, books, and so much more. if you want to help them create a more equitable learning environment in america, please check out the link below. until next time, stay safe out there, and remember: don't worry about the nuclear apocalypse. the iphone will tell you if it happens. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> these pictures do you think my father happened to leave documents over his office floor? my father is a very neat guy. he doesn't leave documents staged all over an office floor. ♪ ♪ ♪ >> so where is the little release? >> my father is a very, very neat guy. >> wow. >> my father is a very, very neat guy. >> i like that. i like this job. captioning sponsored by hey, thank you, trevor. you're still a crime in my book. okay? this week, joe biden signed a bill to make sure that folks with fraudulent ppp loans end up in p-p-prison.

[laughter] conspiracy theorists--me-- believe this was all a setup to ruin black progress. see, if you couldn't get ppp relief for your legitimate business, then you probably lost your business and if you got ppp relief for your fraudulent business then you're probably going to jail. some would say the government killed two birds with one stone but i say they killed two blacks with one loan. [laughter] i go by the name of charlamagne tha god, and it's been a hell of a week. queen nyla, let's get it. [cheers and applause] ♪ oh, lord, jetson made another one ♪ ♪♪♪ man: charlamagne known for being honest. ♪♪♪ uh, before we get started, i gotta introduce the best panel in late night. he's a former nfl wide receiver and the host of the "i am athlete" podcast. make some noise for brandon marshall, y'all. [cheers and applause] that avirex is very fresh. very fresh.

she's a new york times best-selling author and activist, marianne williamson. - [cheers and applause] - peace, marianne. thanks so much, marianne. [applause] and she's a comedian and host of "pause with sam jay," it's sam jay, y'all. - [cheers and applause] - that's right. [applause] and later in the show, i'll be talking shit with my guy, michael rappaport. now, a lot happened this week. serena williams says she's retiring from tennis - after the us open, but... - audience: aww! i know, i know, i know. but she says she doesn't like the word "retirement." she prefers the word "transition." [audience murmurs] i think someone should remind serena in 2022, "transition" doesn't mean retirement. [laughter] it means "learn my mother[bleep] pronouns." okay? all right? "retirement" sounds way more official than "transition," though. when i come out as trans, i'm gonna say i'm retiring. [laughter] put my dick in the rafters. [laughter, catcalls] doctors in china detected a new virus that they think could be another pandemic. - [audience groans] - i know, man. y'all thinking what i'm thinking?

yeah. the little kids working at the chinese virus factory must be working overtime. [laughter] and frank ocean is selling a $25,000 bedazzled [bleep] ring. that's right, from green babies to chokers on the glizzy, this guy's doing everything... he's doing everything but making music. all right? but i will say, diamonds on the dick are a great distraction from monkey pox rashes. - audience: whoa! whoa! - what? it's a great distraction! all right, you know what? let me mind my business. here's what i really want to talk about. topic one. [cheers and applause] that's right. on monday, the feds pulled up to maga-lago... to grab trump by the pussy. all right? former president trump said his home was raided and he said fbi agents even broke into his safe. and now members of the gop are screaming to defund and destroy the fbi. marjorie taylor greene, paul gosar, i am with you. - round of applause, okay? - [applause] these are the kinds of issues that can bring us together because i've been screaming "we should destroy the fbi"