everyone in the sunshine state is staying safe. and i mean like rest of america safe. yeah, you know, not like florida safe, you know. like where someone wears a long sleeve shirt to wrestle a gator, no, knot that, just be safe, safe. i know are you brave but this hurricane, you heard, governor desantis, he said this thing is the real deal. not like the usual stuff i tell you to be scared of like drag queens or crits kal race theory. i'm talking real. i got to fly myself to martha's vineyard. (applause) because you understand, you understand, this storm is way worse than usual, 155 mile an hour wind, violented waves and a storm surge of up to 18 feet high. 18 feet. you understand most pools aren't even 18 feet deep, right stvment like eight feet of water and then like another two to four, that's of piss, that's it but hurricane ian, this is wild. and by the way why are we still

naming national disasters, why do we do this? it is a weird thing we do hurricane ian, fiona. we don't do that with personal disasters, you know. there is no doctor who has ever been like, i have some bad news, jeremy has spread to your brain, just a cute little name i came up with so you would remember it. but let's move on to political news. after a shaky start to his presidency, joe biden has recently gotten some of his groove back, he is signing legislation, reestablishing america's stat news europe and he is a new brand ambassador for aviators. in fact, many people are saying that biden might have a really good shot at winning a second term in office. all he needs to do though is avoid doing stuff like this. >> an awkward moment for president biden today at a white house conference. while calling out people in the audience e he accidentally included indiana congresswoman jackie walorski who was killed in a car crash over the summer.

>> including bipartisan elected officials like representative glover, senator brawn, senator booker, representative-- jackie, here? where is jackie. i don't think she-- she is must not be here, to help make this a reality. >> trevor: no, no, joe what are you doing? that is so awkward, and his explanation didn't help, he is like of course i knew jackie was there i was looking for jackie kennedy where are you, jackie, where is jackie o. i guess on the supers up side at least he noticed she wasn't. there this say good thing. it could have been much worse, where is jackie, there she s everyone look at jackie. there is no jackie, everyone, see jackie. nd look i know a lot of people are saying this is another example of biden's brain being foggy but i think if anything, this makes biden a better president. yeah, think of how hard he must

be working to keep americans safe knowing that osama bin laden is still out there somewhere. where is he, where is he, jack where is he? and finally, let's talk about air travel. the number of people flying is nearly back to prepandemic levels. and if you are one of those people about to take a flight for the first time in a few years, here say reminder that mile experience some weird shit in the air. >> a new video is showing a moment that left passengers on an american airlines flight confused on their way to dallas from lax when strange noises started coming from the plane's public announcement system, take a listen. the video has since gone viral and gotten the attention of american airlines. some people have floated around the idea that the pa system was hacked. the company says the cause was a lot less since ter blaming it on a malfunctioning system.

>> trevor: hell no. what the hell was that you hear that-- arrr. i don't even know how to describe those sounds. it sounds like chewbacca getting a hand job or something. what was that. and how is this guy so calm. he is just like, yeah, you hear those. yof i'm on a plane that starts making sounds like that, i'm getting a parachute and a few extra pretzels and opening the emergency exit, i'm gone. now a lot of people were speculated that the pa system was hacked by a prankster but the official explanation from american airlines is the sounds were caused by quote a mechanical issue with the pa amplifier which raises the volume of the pa system when the engines are running. which show is less comforting. like a hacker i understand. i get it, a hacker. but are you telling me that the plane is always making sounds? like franken stein geght a prostate exam but we are only

hearing it now because of a mechanical issue. that is not reassuring information. to me the best case scenario is that the pilot accidenteddally left the pa system on in the cockpits and the sounds the people heard were coming from him. >> all right, everybody, we're on autopilot now. let me just check some of my crypto investments. aaaahh. oh, that sucked, everybody. i got to get my spirits back up. you know i'm going to watch that new video from the triguys, let's see. aaahhh. oh, that sucked. oh, boy, what is this giant rat dmog here. aahhhh. no, no. >> trevor: that would have been better. all right, that's it for the

headlines. but before we go to a break, let's catch up on the traffic with our very own roy wood, jr., everybody. (applause) >> yes, what's going on, man. look, a lot of traffic, people evacuating over there in florida. we hope they stay safe, get the supplies you need. it could be a long time in the car, you know, but the thing i always wonder about evacuations, where, where, where they going? it is always just one person going, to the danger. cuz it's really only two reasons to go into a storm. that is money and sex, those are the only two reasons. >> trevor: wait, what. >> you ain't never had disaster sex? like during a national disaster you ain't never had-- what y'all been dmog south africa. bro, i have had sngs in a tornado, i have had sex in a wildfire and an earthquake. >> trevor: wait, wait, you had sex in an earthquake. >> we were having sex and the

earthquake happened it is not like the earthquake started and i was like quick, come on babe, we got to do it. but the cool thing about having sex in an earthquake is you get all the credit for making the bed rock, that's the dope part about being in an earthquake. >> trevor: this thing in florida is getting really bad. i heard that the waffle house is shutting down and waffle houses are notorious for staying open, it shows how bad the situation is. >> that is one metric but i don't think the whole waffle house-- i don't think that is the most accurate measure of how bad a storm. is you want to know how bad a storm is where you are. ask yourself one question. can i get cocaine right now. the last person to evacuate in a storm is the drug dealer. you don't understand, the drug dealer has too much inventory at risk. they have to be there to make sure the money stay safe, the dope stay safe. you can't get your cocaine wet t turns into stucko, that is terrible. >> trevor: so the drug dealers you look out for. >> i'm telling you, if a storm shed your way and you can't get

cocaine, it's too late. >> trevor: okay, roy so what is happening in the traffic. >> let's talk real quick about mcdonald's. >> trevor: way yeah, the adult happy meal. >> i get what mcdonald's is trying to do. people are stressing, you know, you want people to smile, so you try and give them a little bit of happiness. but adults need more than food. the food and the toy, that is for kids. kids are stupid. but for grown people you have to give grown people more than that. you can't just give them food. you have to give them an experience. you really want to make adults happy, this is what they need, first get a liquor license. get a game, ball pit, skeeball, pizza get somebody like one of them rat suits to stand out front and play with everybody. >> trevor: wait, wait, that sounds like chuck e cheese. >> no, no, i'm talking about something different. this is what i am talking about. what i am talking about su get all of that stuff and then also mcdonald's could add card games, livent tainment, or smoking section, gambling, maybe some dice. no windows, if you want people to focus on the happiness that

is going on right there, with the money and the booze. >> trevor: so you are pitching a casino? >> no, i'm not pitching a casino. i'm not-- you know what man, you are a [bleep] hater. and you always have been. >> trevor: what do you mean. >> i'm showing an idea. all you do is give me pushback, this is important to me. i thought you were a black man, i'm a black man, are you supposed to be helping brothers uplift, like the time i pitched you the box that heat the food up real fast you started talk about there say microwave. >> trevor: it say microwave. >> it is not a microwave, the food go in from the top, not the front that is a totally different device, i would think that you, my friend who i have been rorke rocking with on this show for seven years would go roy, that's a good idea, here is half a million dollars to invest and i would love to invest in you are why business. >> trevor: i can't give you half a million dollars, i'm not going to lose a half million dollars. >> you're not going to lose the

money, it's me, baby, you're not going to lose the money, i'm telling you, this is go be to a good place, stop saying casino t is a different type of spot i'm talking about to make adults happy,. >> trevor: okay, so can i buy like chips with my money? >> that's a good idea, you in? >> trevor: no, that is a casino. >> is knot t is different. >> trevor: just give us the traffic. >> i [bleep] with you. pull up, pull up the google maps or something on your phone. i'm straight, man. is. >> trevor: roy wood, jr., everybody, when we come back we'll uk about the theory they do want you to know about. do want you to know about. don't go away. at chipotle, our garlic guajillo recipe

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>> trevor: welcome back. to "the daily show." if you spent any time online at all, you know that there are con sphirsee theories about everything. the cia kills tupac. paul rudd is immortal. the moon landing faked us.

but those are just the obvious ones which is why we have a special segment that reveals the conspiracies you never even knew existed. >> conspiracies, they're everywhere. or are they nowhere? or is that exactly what they want you to think. >> that is where my wallet is. >> for every they, there is a me. >> i'm kevin matthew, follow me as i pull back the curtain to find the truth behind the curtain. this is project conspiracy. -- everywhere we go vehicles are spying on us. cop cars, unmarked vans, roller coasters. but what if i were to tell you there was another kind of vehicle monitoring americans right underneath our noses, or should i say our mouths. i'm talking about ice cream trucks. the classic all american ice cream truck. seems like just an innocent way

to get a tasty treat until you do some digging. meet harry, inventor of the ice cream truck. in 1923 he patented his creation with, you goesed it, the u.s. government. aka the people monitoring us so closely they even know my social security number. so why did burt team up with big brother? i'll tell you why. because of the massive amount of intel these spy cream trucks can gather in plain sight, foot traffic patterns, snacking habits, a third thing i'll figure out later. all they needed was the perfect cover. the ice cream. >> brain freeze. oh. oh. >> it's time to figure out what exactly these trucks are up to. >> one chocolate he claire bar, or did you already know that. >> no.

>> actually make it two. i'm really hungry and i'm getting ready to do a stakeout, not for you though. >> $10. okay, i hope you got what were you looking for, mr. ice cream man. >> $30. >> don't, don't. >> my interaction with the ice cream gestapo seemed normal, all too normal. so i kept watching for hours, fighting the temptation to get more ice cream and only succumbing all of the time. why couldn't i resist this truck? that's when i realize their most dangerous weapon. the song it's the song, are you spy on kids, you pervert.

>>, kind of but-- it was never just the ice cream, the truck siren song was a secret weapon the whole time. and i'm going to prove it. >> hey, where's the ice cream. >> i don't have any, i was just proving a theory and if worked. so thank you. >> give us the [bleep] ice cream. >> run, run. >> music has long been a psychological tool for deep state forces like the cia, the radical left, and convincing ordinary tens to confess to vote and to eat against their own self interest. >> those kids are tough. >> but if i'm ever going to get the real scoop on this musical conspiracy, i need to go inside

the belly of the beast. >> let's go. >> so this is where everything happens and this is the ice cream truck. >> okay ma'am, i'm ready for the job interview, so. >> you know we don't make you dress like that any more, right. >> where do you put on the mind control-- ice cream, totally normal, jingle? >> so you are some sort of undercover conspiracy report sner. >> how do you dmoa that? who do you work for? >> you put it on your res may. >> that is a typo. >> the whole job description? >> yeah. >> i've been made, abort, abort, i've been made, abort, abort. come on. >> so do you not want the job? >> clearly whatever deep state agency is behind these trucks will stop at nothing to stop me

interest stopping them. but don't worry, resistance is possible. >> thanks to these noise canceling headphones, the only thing i'll be hooked on is the sweet taste of freedom. (applause). >> trevor: stay tuned because when we come back mark cuban will be joining me right here on will be joining me right here on the show so don't go away.

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♪ you like my strut ♪ ♪ do you wanna go struttin' struttin' ♪ ♪ you like my strut ♪ ♪ then let's go struttin' right now ♪ ♪♪ look at these mighty quaker oats... heart-healthy, a good source of fiber, and for only cents per day... there's no denying quaker oats are the grain of all time. quaker oats. a super-trusted superfood. >> trevor: welcome back to the daily show, my guest is entrepreneur who owns the dallas mavericks and recently started cost plus drug company which makes low cost versions of

generic prescription drugs. is he here to talk about the new season of his emmy winning hit series shark tank which airs friday nights on abc. >> i hate investing in companies run by investors. and you just jump from product to product to product. but i like buying companies from inventors. so we are going into commercial break. i want you to think what you would want me to pay to buy your company out completely. don't answer me now but when we come back i want a number. please welcome mark cuban. mark cuban. >> what's up, trevor. >> trevor: what's going on, welcome to the daily show. good to you have here in person. the first thing i want you to know, everyone watches the show all over the world. how many people come up to you and pitch you things in real life, like all the time t must

be your life, now. >> everywhere, in the bathroom, sitting in the urinal, i get pitched everywhere. >> trevor: what is the best pitch you got in the urinal, do you remember it. >> turn around (laughter). >> trevor: congratulation, season 14 of the show. when you started this did you think it would be as big as it is, did you see it coming. >> they asked me to come on a guest in the second season, and it was bounced around, desperate housewife whengs it wasn't on we would take its place. i said this thing is dead, i thought i will just go on and raise hell, next thing you know season 14. >> trevor: it is successful, people love the show, syndicated around the world. i would love to know what you think makes it so successful. why do we all love watching people come on and then try and pitch you an idea that you either trash or invest in or completely try and take over. >> because everyone wants to be that person who can just van idea in their garage, this their bedroom. we all get it. you get that feeling in your stomach and are you fired up. you check it with your friends. but these are people who made it in front of us. and if we say yes they go from

being just a business to being that guy, that business. and that is why. anybody can be that person. >> trevor: yeah, i feel like you were that person. >> i was. >> trevor: you know. >> i have read about you, and there parts in your life you thought were you going to retire at 35 and yet here you are many decades later. you look like you love-- no, that is not a dist is many decades later. >> thanks a lot, right. >> trevor: no, come on, this is true. you are living but. >> just living. >> trevor: no, the as a assholes, don't listen them, you are having a great time and it feels like you vnts lost that drive, what makes you get out of bed every day if it is not the money. >> i'm competitive. i like to kick ass. >> you start a business and are you in my business, i'm going to [bleep] you up. serious, for real. i love to compete. >> trevor: that explains a lot. >> it does. >> trevor: that explains the dallas mavericks. i was talking to someone on who works on the show, he said an interesting thing. he said mark cuban seems to me

like one of the only superfans who took over a team. because some people buy teams because they have the money to buy a team. >> yeah. >> trevor: you seem like you bought a team because you love the team, you love the sport. >> yeah. >> trevor: everyone said the team changed because of you, many have credited you in the nba as being part of changing the culture to try to make it so even the people who work behind the scenes are happy and are enjoying themselves. like why did you decide that. could you have gone in for a team. >> i love basketball, i will get out there and shoot with the guys. just think about it, you love playing basketball am i get to walk into my own arena, get upshot, and the best part s game winning shot, the crowd is going nuts. everybody power drivek and jumping on the guy, i get to jump on him too and i don't get arrested. you all run there, i will arrest your ass. i will run out there, i have fun. >> trevor: the nba has been an interesting period where for a long time politics, with everything, nba and nfl. and the nba was seen as this place where players were speaking their mind, adam silver gets a lot of credit, for

instance. many of the owners do as well. recently though there has been a scandal thatk rod the phoenix suns. everyone has been talking about how to deal with an owner where he has been accused of everything from racism to inappropriate mesessages at work and i think the fine came down at 10 million and a year, some have said it isn't enough, some said it is just enough. what do you make of that? and that is not your job, the fine, butsch-- not on the fine, that is not injure job. but what do you think the position of an owner and a team needs to be in terms of how it is outward facing. why is it important to be a certain way as the owner. >> rather than talking about that situation, specifically. can i tell you what i think, right. i may be responsible for writing the checks for the dallas mavericks. but all of north texas really owns the dallas mavericks. it is the only business where i get emails from people saying my son has cancer. you know, can you bring some players out. will you visit. my son just died, or my daughter just died, can we bury them in a jersey. there is no other industry.

and when you win wa, google has a great quarter, nobody in their city, mount wherever it is celebrates. when your team wins a championship, the whole city goes nuts. the whole city is on fire, right it is such a different industry. with that comes a responsibility. you have to have. you have to lead. you have to be able to set examples for diversity and inclusion and show people that you know, this is the real world. and we can change and we can be part of it and make it better. and i think that's the responsibility that comes with owning a sports team. >> trevor: probably why you have been so successful, it really is. (applause). >> trevor: you are also behind, i remember reading this and you know, we live in a world where billionaires tweet all kinds of crazy things all the time. i won't mention names but billionaires will treat whatever and say it will change the world, i will do this. i remember seeing a tweet of yours where you were talking about upending the descrug industry. and lowering prescription drug prices and i was like here we go again, hopes up, nothing is

going to hatch. >> we're doing it. we're the real deal, we started a company called cost plus drugs.com, if you take any medication, go there, put in the name. what we do that is different, every drug manufacturers. no one trusts the drug industry at all. what we said was sun light is the best disinfeblght ant. so if you go and put in the drug and if we carry it, it will show you not only what we sell it for t will show you our costs and. >> trevor: actual costs. >> actual costs what we really pay for t we mark it up 15 percent, that is it, we have a $3 pharmacy fee and $5 for shipping, that's it. so you know exactly what we pay. and so you can trust it. and this is the first time in the pharmacy industry where when you are buying a medication, you can trust that you are paying a fair price. >> trevor: so you are making money? >> not yet, not yet but we will eventually. we'll make money. >> trevor: so help me understand, someone who isn't a billionaire, how is st that you have decided to get into a business where you won't make money now, you will make money in the future and are you still able to provide people well drugs and it seems like it say

win, win. why don't other drug companies just do this? >> because what has happened when someone like me or anybody that started a company like this and cut to cost of medications, what happens is someone buys them. one. big companies buys them out and puts them away. >> trevor: buys the company. >> buys the company so that takes them off the market. i can't be bought, you can't-- my next dollar is not going to change my life but if i get a chance to [bleep] up the pharmaceutical industry-- i mean the drugs, i just had a friend literally two days ago died that i knew in college, lan don turner taking this drug, i don't even know how it is pronounced, he said it costs me $3,000 a month, i can't afford it, can you help it a generic. i had our guys go floo it, five minutes ago while waiting in the green room, he came back, lan don was paying $3,000 a month t will now cost him $63 a month. wait, wait, i was wrong, i was wrorntion 63 for three months. three months.

>> trevor: so okay dn. >> that show crazy this industry is. >> trevor: i get that you can't be bought but surely people are not happy with what you are doing. it doesn't seem like you are good for business. >> it is weird. people like martin screli became famous for coming in, buying a drug that people knead to survive and hiking it up i don't know how many thousand percent, or whatever it was. it feels like will you make enemies doing this and they are exetders so you don't care. is there no way they can undercut you. >> there are ways, right, but it ain't going to happen, right. so the way it works now, three big companies that are insurance companies that own these things called pharmacy benefit managers who are responsible for really distortding the prices and they also own the big retail farm seerks the big names you have heard of. so they are able to control all the pricing elements. we work outside of that. so right now we're mail order so if you go to cost plus drugs.com, landon will be able to buy his drug for all that less money, and then we'll ship it to him, mail it to himment

soon we will be able to do it at local independent pharmacies but because we work outside of that system, they can't stop us. and the cooler part about it is we all look at manufacturers of insulin and other drugs and say they're the cause of the problem. they're really not, it is these big three companies that are distorting their prices and the manufacturers don't have any other way to sell it. so now we can sell it for them and so you know, we're not there on insulin yet, but we are working on it, we are not there on some of the big brand names but we're close. and so we literally, literally, trevor, i mean five years from now we cank look ba and say you [bleep] them up. and that will be like a dream, that is my goal. >> trevor: i think one of the reasons you're so popular and interesting is because you have a different view on how to be successful and what success means, you know. those who are familiar with your stories will know that when you sold your first company, you made a lot of money but you also made many of your employees

millionaires. and they weren't like stockholders, didn't have auctions, you said all right, everybody, i made money, we all made money and you did it again with your next company, that was the big sale, and did you it again. you have sth attitude that seems counter to what many americans say these days swi if i get rich, i get rich, screw all of you, man. and everybody who has been in your part, gone with you, said oh yeah, i worked with mark cuban and you can see that we made money. in this instance, let's sigh you are successful. this company could go on to become very rich, it could make a a lot of money. how do we know, and i'm assuming you are that kind of person but how do we know at some point you won't raise the drug prices when everyone is on cost plus, can you make a promise, can you say this is what. >> i'm mark cuban,-- seriously, that is the whole goal, that is the mission. because i get asked that all the time. you just, low prices now, jack them up later. if anything, we have been lowering prices, if you follow us at cost plus druks on twitter, i take pride in every couple of weeks we're cutting

prices. we're not increasing prices. i mean in this day and age you talk about this all the time, it's just insane that somebody has to choose between rent, food and medication. >> trevor: right. >> and people think capitalism is just about how much money can i make. it's not. capitalism is me being able to start a business and choose the outcome that i want. no one else can tell me what my mission is. no one else can tell me what my goal is. no one else can tell me what is important to me. i get to make that choice. for some people, if i'm 25 years old t is making as much money as i can, right. but now like i have been saying, if you get a chance to turn around an industry where people now don't have to make those choices, that is the best reward of all time. (applause). >> trevor: i'm going to hold you to your word, i know where to find you, i know exactly where are you in dallas. mark cuban, everybody. we're going to take a quick break. we'll be right back after this. thank you again, for real.

i love it.

>> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight but before we go, before we go, hurricane ian

as we spoke about is one of the most powerful storms to hit the united states in decades. right now the florida disaster relief fund has been activated for response and recovery. so if you can help them, please donate at the link below to support these efforts. until next time, stay safe out there and remember, a real happy meal is any meal where you don't pay. now here it is, your moment of zen. >> the city of-- has a ster fying mascot to promote its mascot named bussi. >> look at him g those cold dead eyes. >> bussi can dance, the kids love him, they love bussi. love him, they love bussi. he can do it all. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪

♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ timmy, timmy, timmy, timmy ♪ ♪ timmy, live-a-lie, timmy ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - okay, here he comes. - who wants to tell him? - i'll do it. - hey, fellas. i'm glad you called me. there's a pie-eating contest down at the firehouse, and i thought we should all go. - butters, could you take a seat, please? - well, sure. - butters, we have to have a very difficult conversation. - well, what is it ? - well, in the months since our friend kenny died, you have really stepped up as a friend and "filled the gap," so to speak. - oh, it's my pleasure. i love being you guys' new friend. - yes, well, butters, it's just not working out. - not working out? - i'm afraid we're gonna have to let you go...as our friend.

you're just too... - lame. - lame, yes. - but i can get better. - butters, you just don't really fit in with us here. we think it's best for all of us if you look for friendship opportunities elsewhere. - but we certainly want to thank you for all your hard work and attempts at being our friend, lame as they were. - but i thought we were really getting along great. i thought we were really having fun together. - yes, well, we weren't. - please, fellas, don't fire me. - we're sorry, butters. our mind is made up. - but we certainly want to thank you for coming by. you know your way out, right? all: phew. - he took that pretty well, i think. - who cares? - all right, so let's get started on who's gonna be the new person to take kenny's place. [thunder booming] - the world isn't fair. i do everything people ask me to. i stand in the lunch lines for them. i buy tampons at the store for them.

i go on maury povich with balls on my chin for them.. [thunder booming] and yet nobody accepts me. i am an outcast, a shadow of a man who can find no companionship, no love from others. fine, if i'm to be an outcast, so be it. i'm through doing what others tell me to do, and i am sick of this world and the stinky people in it. from now on, i will dedicate my life to bringing chaos to the world that has dejected me. i will become the greatest super villain the world has ever seen! where i go, destruction will follow. [thunder booming] [ominous music] ♪ ♪ [thunder booming] prepare, oh, little town. prepare for the greatest super villain you have ever seen: professor chaos.

[thunder booming] - butters, time for bed. - okay, mom. yes, sleep for now. tomorrow the chaos begins. heh-heh, ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, heh-heh, ha-ha-ha, hee, ha-ha-ha-ha. - all right, we want to thank everybody for coming. this is a great turnout. as you know, our friend kenny died a few months ago, and we are still looking to fill the void with a new friend. you've all been selected as possible candidates, but unfortunately, there is only room for one of you, and so stan and kyle and i will be spending the next few days going out with each one of you and narrowing our choices down until we think we've found the perfect friend. now, are there any questions? - what if we don't want to be your friend? - clyde...okay? now, the first thing we have to do is cut the list down from 20 choices to 10, and so today we will all be going to the amusement park together to see who we want to cut. please keep in mind, this will all be videotaped,

so put on your best friend faces, and may the best friend win. oh, and we will be needing a $10-per-person entrance fee. [ominous music] ♪ ♪ - order 23 is up, and order 24 is up. [bell dinging] [ominous music] ♪ ♪ - uh, waitress, i actually ordered the chicken soup. this is minestrone. - yeah, i had the minestrone over here. - [cackling] i am professor chaos, and now this puny world will bow down to me.

[cackling] - so today we went to the amusement park with all our possible friends. it was a really fun time. we rode all the rides, and everyone got along great. - i think the person that stood out most at the amusement park was jimmy. - well, the reason i think i would make the perfect fourth friend is that i love telling jokes. you know, who doesn't like to laugh? - tweek: now, there's an interesting choice. tweek has a lot of qualities that i look for in a friend. - what if they don't pick me? what if they get us all, man? i mean, christ, if they can get to the pentagon, they can get to us all, man. ahh! - i think i deserve to take kenny's place the most, because i've been hanging around these guys for, like, five years, and i never get to say or do anything. - yeah, i've always seen that kid in class, but he never does anything; he's more like a prop. - towelie is a tough choice, because even though i can see how always having a towel around could come in handy, he's just always so high. - yeah, i really hope i win because... wait, what is this again? i have no idea what's going on. - we decided to get some one-on-one time with jimmy

and ride the log ride. the great thing was that because jimmy's crippled, we got to go to the front of the line. that was definitely big points for jimmy, you know, but then we got to the ride itself, and... - hey, i'm gonna need some help getting in the log, fellas. - oh, shut her down. someone needs assistance. - oh, really? that's gonna cost some points. - but right now, i'd say if we're gonna have a retard for a friend, i'd have to pick timmy, because timmy doesn't tell lame jokes. - boy, isn't this great, fellas? are we great pals or what? - one thing's for sure: picking our new friend isn't gonna be easy. [ominous music] ♪ ♪ - kneel. kneel before professor chaos. [cackling] [cackling] oh, the look on their faces when they got the wrong soup. i love bringing chaos. ha, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. and that is only the beginning.