therapists are whores. psychiatry is a narcissism machine. i learned more from dr. seuss than dr. freud. earth. you don't have to be crazy to live i don't know, just use the best one. ♪ ♪ >> coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, "the daily show"! tonight... opioids get more fun! and constance wu! this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> trevor: what's going on, every buddy, welcome to "the daily show," i'm trevor noah, think of so much for tuning in, thank you for

coming out in person! thank you for joining us, here we are! another week. take a seat. it let's do thing buried we have got a great show for your tonight. saudi arabia wants you to take the bus, all your kids are drug addicts now, and republicans refused to abort herschel walker. plus, constance wu is joining us as our guest tonight, everybody! so let's do this, people, let's jump straight into today's headlines! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ all right, folks. i'm gonna be honest with you. with all the news that happened today, i just don't think we have enough space in today's show. i know, i tried. i tried every thing to fit it all in. i even used that machine from "honey i shrunk the kids," but it was a whole thing, actually aimed at my crotch and the other one, this wreckage -- anyway, the point is i'm fine. but there is still not enough time for all the news today. luckily, not enough time is just

enough time for a segment we call "ain't nobody got time for that." [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ all right, let's kick things off with a big story about gas, the only character to appear in every fast and furious movie. gas prices have been falling in america for months now, but it looks like that's about to end, and just in time to throw big, greasy wrench into the midterms. >> a win for russia and potentially higher gas prices for american consumers. the opec plus alliance oil producing countries are announcing deep cuts in production to boost prices for their members, including russia and saudi arabia. >> growing concerns about the future of gas prices in the u.s. we could see an increase in prices by the end of this month, just in time for midterm elections, the worst possible timing for president biden. this comes just three months after the president visited saudi arabia, the biggest player in opec. biting fist bumped mbs and ask them to increase oil production. instead, saudi arabia did the opposite. >> trevor: yes, america's ally

saudi arabia has decided to take sides with russia and raise oil prices. and at this point, i'm really struggling to understand the relationship between america and saudi arabia. because it seems look very one-sided friendship. america sells them weapons and ignores their many human rights abuses and saudi arabia is like "and in return we will kill your journalist and raise her gas prices and do 9/11, thank you, my friend, thank you. we are such good friends, such good friends" but i guess that's the power you have when you're in control of all the energy. america can even threaten us out is. what going to say "if you raise the prices we will fly over there and bomb the shit out of you if you could just lend us some gas and fill up our jets, that would be great, we can't get there." and whether you're a doubleheader a republican, you have to admit that this is not a good look for biden. because think about it. he had to fly all the way across the world to fist bumped the crown prince. and in exchange he gets up in his face. honestly, sometimes i feel like the saudis are just cranking american presidents.

you know? your member how they were with trump? there were like "here, do this sword dance, dance with the sword, dance! no put your hands on the glowing orb, he's doing it, guys, he's doing it, americans are so thirsty!" [laughter] if we had time we could talk more about how saudi arabia could be raising gas prices right before the midterms to punish biden for running his mouth, or we could talk about how america has painted itself into this corner by pushing both venezuela and iran so far out of the world economy that they can't help stabilize world oil prices. we could even talk about how gasoline comes from dinosaurs, which is crazy! but we don't have the time to talk about any of that because while saudi arabia is coming for your wallets, drug dealers are coming for your kids! >> urgent following morning. rainbow fentanyl. >> this is every parent's worst nightmare. >> in new york city, 15,000 rainbow fentanyl pills seized from a car just days ago. many of them found in this yellow lego box. the dea: rainbow fentanyl a deliberate effort by drug traffickers to drive addiction

among kids and young adults. but medical specialists contacted by abc say there has not been evidence presented that the pills are being given to or targeted towards children. >> trevor: no! the children! not the children! there being targeted, although there's no evidence of that. but what if there was? the children! what is it about american news that every year they find a new story to scare parents about halloween? every single year in this country, they are going to put razor blades in the candy buried there gonna poison the candy, they're gonna switch out the real candy for weed! it's all most like every single october, the news is like well, this halloween we are going to go is a gullible grandma who believes everything she reads on facebook! yeah! "i heard that if your hand is bigger than your face, you have cancer!" what are you doing? people need to stop fearmongering. the worst thing anyone gets to halloween -- on halloween is like a mounds bar varied that's it. most things are so bad even the company that makes them is like but let's just name it after a big pile of dirt, why not?"

after mack because let's play along with his logic, let's play along. what you think saying? you are saying that drug dealers are trying to get the children addicted to drugs? so then what? they can use the millions they've made from the truth very to keep the drug business alive? [laughter] drug dealers want customers, not dependent far less! these kids don't have the money for fentanyl. they're going to be walking up to a drug dealer. "i can pay you in stickers, but not the glitter ones, those are my favorite." i don't cut that shit like the last time, i want the pure stuff! [laughter] fearmongering! [cheers and applause] and look, i'm not saying that drugs aren't an issue. i'm saying stop fearmongering to the parents. i see why this is happening right now, rainbow fentanyl is the hot new panic drug. people, i know rainbow fentanyl is scary. but can we just take a minute to congratulate it for being an ally? [laughter] hay, cocaine, maybe your white

ass could learn it's being about that! with a time we can talk more about how american news organizations are some of the worst offenders in sensationalizing and fueling the war on drugs because their stories into her the public support for a program that has decimated communities and incarcerated half of the united states carries on but we don't have the time for that because while local news is trying to pump up the drug war, joe biden is time to undo some of the damages caused. >> more breaking news at this hour, president biden just pardoned thousands of people convicted of marijuana possession under federal law. [applause] about 6500 people with simple marijuana possession convictions between the years 1992 and 2021. >> he's also asking the secretary of hhs to review how we classify candidates. marijuana in his country, pointing out that marijuana is classified on the same level as heroin. he wants his administration to take another look at that. >> president biden: tim and lysa been up in different because of our failed approach to marijuana. it's time that we right these wrongs. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: yes!

finally! this is something that should have been done a long time ago. you know? [cheers and applause] can you imagine how many people are incarcerated? even worse, can you imagine getting pardoned for this after seeing how mainstream wheat has become in america? i bit which is probably feel the same way, you know? it's like oh, so these hipster chicks can walk around brooklyn with their candles and crystals, but when i did it in salem, i got burned! bitches, i got burned! [applause] but yes, this is great for america. this is really good for america and it's also huge -- this is a huge week for the characters on scooby doo. think about it! first velma comes out, and now shaggy is getting a federal pardon. what! [applause] i know everyone is saying that joe biden is just doing this to boost his popularity before the midterms, but... in my opinion, i think maybe this thing hits closer to home. i wouldn't be surprised if

joe biden is secretly huge pothead. [laughter] think about it. think about it. inc. about it. joe biden could smoke a lot of weed. yeah, he's a was puttering around like he forgot where he was going. [laughter] you know, he's wearing sunglasses everywhere he goes! he deftly talks like he's high. "america coming of the thing -- you know, it's like -- i'm not joking, come on, man! we are here now and future is everywhere, it's everywhere. it's here!" now, if we just had a little bit more time we could discuss why anyone, anywhere in america is in jail for almost something almost everyone agrees isn't a crime. or we could talk about how convenient it is that weed is no longer bad now that america has figured out how to make money from it. we don't have the time for that because while the u.s. is showing signs of finally getting over its obsession with drugs, elon musk is unveiling his master plan to get everyone addicted to something else. >> after a few contentions months, elon musk and twitter have seemed to reach a deal. mosque is now poised to by the

socially. >> twin was not his purchase of twitter will be part of his plan for an app called x, a so-called super app that acts as a condensed version of the internet, letting you do everything within one app. the best example of this is we chat. it's owned by internet giant 10-cent and has over 1 billion users mostly throughout asia. it like to send text messages, pay for things online and in stores, hail a car wreck, libido games, and so much more. musk telling twitter employees in a town hall over the summer wechat could be a model for future versions of twitter. >> trevor: yeah, elon musk wants to turn twitter into a super app does everything in one place. and i will tell you know, i hate that idea. i don't want twitter to do more things. i like how it works now. every day the entire world picks one person and destroys their life! and then the next day we find someone else. it's perfect! it works pretty well. [applause] for real.

twitter is such a toxic sewer, why would you want to link it to all the other parts of your life? is like a businessman saying "hey, you see this trash can? what if it was also your car?" [laughter] and not to burst anyone's bubble, but we arty have this. it's called an iphone. seriously. are we so lazy now that we are like "i want to order someone to bring me food, but the app is all the way on the other side of the phone, and my thumb is so tired!" [laughter] look, if we had a little bit more time we could talk about -- we could have so much fun talk about how elon musk thought he was trolling all of us, but instead just meant $44 billion trolling himself, and a know you might be saying "oh, yeah, well he still owns twitter" -- yeah, and some of the owned myspace. i will see you guys on the next app. but we don't have the time to talk about any of that, because somewhere in the world, someone said something by mistake and all of us on twitter going to try and destroy their lives.

we will be right back! [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! the midterms are only a month away, and one of the most closely watched races is in georgia where democrats

senator raphael warnock is being challenged by herschel walker. former football star and walking maury povich episode. [laughter] so let's catch up on today's big twist in the race in another installment of "votedemic 2022." musical physical from the very start of this race herschel walker has been one of the loudest champions for a total ban on abortion. which made it a bit awkward this week when a woman accused him of paying her to get one. now, when the story broke, herschel walker said this woman was lying. "i don't even know this lady is." but it turns out that he might be the lighter. >> more follow-up for georgia's pro-life senate candidate herschel walker after he said he had no idea why a woman would accuse him of paying for her to have an abortion. geico have you figured out who it is? >> not at all. it's sort of like everyone is anonymous or everyone is leaking

and they want you to confess to something you have no clue about. >> but after walker made that statement, the woman went public. she is the mother of one of his children. [laughter] >> trevor: oh! ah! that's awkward. oh, man. he says he doesn't of the woman, but it turns out, she's reportedly the mother of one of his kids? so either herschel walker is lying, or his penis does some crazy shit while he's asleep. like "he's finally out, time for me to hit the streets and do what i've got to do!" [laughter] after this woman blew up walker's spot, he didn't exactly withdraw his denial, but he did say that if he had paid for abortion, "it's nothing to be ashamed of." and here's the thing, i agree with that. i agree with it. it's not. and lesser-known as the antiabortion guy. [applause]

that's literally or thing. it's like if you caught smokey bear torching the forest. [smokey bear voice] remember, only i can dance among the beautiful light of the scraping flames, kids was good! suite 27 clearly herschel walker is going to run on a platform that he himself doesn't actually believe. but what's been amazing to see is how the republican party feels the same way. >> there is no perfect person, no way. >> he will do more to change the senate just by the sheer presence, by his confidence, by his deep commitment to christ. he's been through a long, tough period. he had a lot of concussions coming out of football here he suffered ptsd. >> you're telling me walker used his money to reportedly pay some skank for an abortion? i don't care if herschel walker paid to abort endangered baby eagles. i want control of the senate. >> trevor: you got to love it when they say the quiet part out loud. i love it. abortion is totally forgivable,

unless i need to do it. in fact, what you are saying is you are fine with an abortion if you need to win a senate race. a senate race. but you're not fine with a woman leading it to save her own life. that's what you're saying. [applause] usually only see this kind of epoxy -- but then when it takes them two months to fix a leak in the ceiling, suddenly they are like, life happens, be patient, be patient! [applause] taking time. by the way, i'm going to need to charge you extra from the rain coming from your living room, that's a special feature, that's what that is. as for the rest of them, i'm constantly amazed at how quickly republicans forgive certain people. they are like herschel walker deserves forgiveness for his sins. i'm not even disagreeing but it's interesting how quickly they move. but when it comes to prison reform or college debt, suddenly there like uncle people have got to pay the price for what they've done, there are

consequences in life! you do something, and then as a consequent!" [applause] i will be honest, people, i honestly don't understand how any of this makes sense. but i want to. i want to. which is why it asked desi ly lydic. to foxsplain it to us. >> herschel walker is under attack for 498 hours straight and i'm ready to explain why herschel walker is the biggest victim of cancer culture since the choco taco. musical to i don't care if herschel walker aborted baby eagles, i don't care if he aborted baby kangaroos. i don't care if he aborted baby otters. i've been banned from all the petting zoos and i don't give up -- i'm sorry, but we are supposed to believe all the stories from herschel walker's kids? they've never even met herschel walker! even if he did pay for that woman's abortion, that just proves that he's a gentle men. sorry, but chivalry is not dead. what is an abortion? it's not stopping a freeloader

from coming across the southern border. what would jesus do? seriously, i'm asking. herschel represent american values. football. college football. we cannot let our dreams be crushed by one unplanned pregnancy. wait... i don't care what herschel walker did as long as he gets in the senate so he can stop other people from doing what he did, which he didn't do. it doesn't matter what herschel walker did in the past, it matters what he does starting out! he got caught doing what? [laughter] jesus. starting now! [cheers and applause] >> tr >> trevor: desi lydic, everybody. when we come back, constance wu will be joining us on the show, so don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ come seek the royal caribbean. ♪ well well you ♪ ♪ ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪ ♪ you make my dreams come true ♪

♪ you you you you you ♪ get 5 boneless wings for just $1 with any burger. only at applebee's. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show"! my guess tonight is one of the stars of the new film, "lyle, lyle, crocodile." she's also written a deeply personal memoir called "making a scene." his welcome constance wu! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ please welcome constance wu! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> trevor: constance wu, welcome to "the daily show"! >> constance: thank you, good to be here! >> trevor: let's start with the question that i've been trying to figure out the entire time, reading the book. >> constance: why am i so read? >> trevor: no. >> constance: yeah. >> trevor: "making a scene." shared similar vulnerable moments in your life.

>> constance: yeah. >> trevor: you talk about going for sexual harassment, you know, one of the producers on the show -- the hit show that you are on, "fresh off the boat." but what's interesting is i think about five seasons people thought the show was done, you started booking a project and the show got picked up and you have to go back to the show contractually. he spoke up about it on twitter, and what you talk about in the book, and i really enjoyed it, is you talk about how you felt. it you talk about the mistakes you made. but then you talk about the response and how people make you feel leading to a point where you contemplate it suicide. >> constance: yeah. i actually really did pull myself over a balcony ledge. so it was very close, and i'm very lucky that i had a friend there to help me. [applause] but yeah, i mean, i do think the reaction to my not-ladylike tweets was outsized in proportion to my mistake.

>> trevor: right. i remember you were getting slammed. it felt like you were angry and you were lashing out. but the response was -- it seemed like -- >> constance: it was pretty cruel. >> trevor: yeah. >> constance: yeah, so that's why i ended up in a hospital and why i inevitably had to take a break from hollywood to sort of -- i didn't want to cry, i'm sorry. to work on my mental health. and it was lonely, and i will tell you what, it remains a little bit lonely because one of the things i wanted to talk about is how the asian american community has largely remained silent, because they are so hyper focused on this idea of positive representation. and i think that is such an illusion. it's like the model minority coin, but just the other side of it. we need whole human representation, which includes mistakes. [applause] which includes insecurities and vulnerabilities. and it includes the

intersections of race and gender. and i just want to say to a lot of asian american activists, if you claim to stand for asian americans, you have to stand for women too, because that's 50% of the population. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: when you experienced this, it was really -- it was really interesting to read through how you felt about in the book. because you share the complexities of what you are going through. in one of those complex it is was around the burden of caring for an entire group. you know, i spoke to a friend of mine, she was telling me -- you know, she's chinese and she moved to the u.s. -- and she was saying how she's always been taught that the group is more important than the hole, regardless of the cost. and you talk about in the book about how many said to you it doesn't matter what happened to you. what's more important is how the asian community is perceived. >> constance: yes, that positive repetition of the hole. and when you stray from that...

>> trevor: right. and so how did you -- how did you find the balance and also the fortitude to say "look, i am here representation community as a whole, is a complex person, but i also wish to be protected as an individual?" where did you find that strength? because as you say, you are contemplated suicide. you are in a mental hospital. you went through so many things. what is it that changed in constance's life that you cited no, no, cutter change how i deal with this? >> constance: to be honest, i think i'm still finding it but one thing i learned is that repressing the stories of abuse that happened to me, it wasn't just going to go away because i wanted it to go away, because i wanted to maintain the reputation of the show, and he realized if i'm going to live as my authentic self, then i just need to do it, even at the risk

of some other people's discomfort. and so i do think my speaking out is going to make some people uncomfortable, but i think discomfort is often where you find growth, and it is sort of the only way i know how to be right now. [applause] >> trevor: i love that. i wouldn't beat -- i will put that -- i use that for my -- >> constance: evidence of my... >> trevor: i would be doing a book and your life a disturbance if we do disservice if we do std on the saddest moments. >> constance: that's all everybody wants to talk about! >> trevor: not me. >> constance: good! >> trevor: because it is a life, you know? there is funny moments, you talk about moving in your 20s. you share really fun stories about your journey growing up, moving on. for instance, just the way you speak about your sisters. you are 1 of 4. >> constance: i am 1 of 4 girls. >> trevor: 1 of 4 girls. and 11 the book you talk about how helen is her favorite sister -- and i was like you do realize your sisters are going

to read this book? [laughter] are you not worried about that, them knowing that you have a favorite now? >> constance: did i say favorite? no, no, i said she's the one i've become closest to an adulthood. >> trevor: that's even worse! >> constance: [laughs] >> trevor: she's the one closest to? that's not much of a -- but what i love is that you share a lot and it's funny and it's complex. thank you so much for taking the time, thank you for joining on the show. [cheers and applause] a really fascinating book. if "making a scene" is available wherever you buy a book. there are a ton more stories, make sure you go out and get it. constance wu, everybody! we will be right back! [cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause]

>> trevor: that's arch over tonight. charlemagne is coming up next. now here it is, your moment of zen! >> texas senator ted cruz is leading a midterm swing state bus tour in arizona today. ♪ ♪ >> hey, kayne west does not care about black people. and that's just one of the many reasons i can only describe my mood this week as disappoint the. oh, it has been a "hell of a week." my first grade disappointment comes from south africa albino elon musk. first he decided to give putin some head no hands and tell ukraine to just give up the land to russia as if elon musk would ever just give something up because folks demanded it. if that is the case give me a billion dollars, elon. okay, that's right. then elon flipflopped and said he wanted to buy twitter again when he could just save his money and give me a billion dollars just because i want it,