izthat we don't have the biggest office. which is a surprise because 165 square feet sounds like a lot... but we have people with the biggest hearts. and i think for a small company, that is real-- [toilet flushes] someone went to the bathroom. that is really what's important. literally, every song is better a cappella. name a song. cherry pie. warrant. better a cappella. no. really? yeah. name another. enter sandman. metallica. better a cappella. rebel yell. billy idol. oh, way better a cappella. really? yeah. [laughter] >> announcer: coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight... the metaverse has legs. kanye gets booted from twitter. and michael fanone! this is "the daily show

with trevor noah." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> trevor: hey, what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out in person. good to see you! thank you so much for being here! take a seat, everybody. we have got a great show for you tonight. mark zuckerberg has just invented legs. vladimir putin is getting desperate, and in new zealand, cows are they going to become taxpayers. so let's do this, people, let's jump straight into today's headlines. [cheers and applause] all right, before we get into the big stories, let's catch up on a few other things going on in the world. starting with some big tech news. mark zuckerberg has just

revealed that from now on, people will have legs in the metaverse. yeah, and after one, i am truly excited, because first you will get legs, then you will get feet, pretty soon, you'll be able to walk out of the metaverse and go literally anywhere else. and climate news, new zealand has just announced a plan to fight methane emissions by taxing cows for their burps. and this is how much billionaires are winning in the world. even cows are getting taxed before them. by the way, even if you support this general an idea to try to slow climate change, you have to admit, if you were a cow, he would be pretty pissed about this. "hold on, hold on, you steal my milk, now you bitches will text me? for burping?

are you all using solar panels? you are still using private jets but i am getting taxed? you bitches, take that, used to be 25s." the new zealand cows are angry. [cheers and applause] in sports news, after it came out that nba star draymond green of the golden state warriors is taking some time off after punching a teammate, green is taking some time off. which is a great reminder for everyone: do not punch your coworkers unless you want some extra vacation time. let's move on to some of the bigger stories of the day. which, for some reason, all involve racism. yeah, and if you guys have ever thought about racism, but it's a pretty hot thing these days, by these days, i mean the last thousand years. for some reason, it seems like people where extra racist this weekend. i don't know, a three day

weekend, people had lied a little more time to kick back and work on their racism? whatever it was, it almost seems like people are competing to see who could be the most racist. so let's dive in to all the competition for a segment we call "the amazing racism." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] our first story involving racism hails from the great state of alabama. i know, i am shocked too. what makes this racism special is that it is from a senator, one of the 100 best people in america, and he said it out loud on tv. >> senator tommy tuberville of alabama is facing a significant backlash from major civil rights groups for comments he made at a trump rally over the weekend. >> senator tuberville called out democrats as being pro-crime. he also suggested that people who want reparations for ancestral slavery are to blame for the crime. >> the democratic party, they have a majority, they could stop this crime today. they want crime.

they want crime because they want to take over what you got. they want to control what you have. they want reparations because they think the people that do the crime are owed that. bullshit! they are not owed that. >> trevor: yeah, you tell them, tommy! that thing you just made up right now about reparations is bull shit! we can't have that big thing happening! whoo! i got to say, i've heard racists say all kinds of things in our mob i've heard them say that black people are criminals and i've heard them say that reparations are reverse racism, but it takes a racism innovator to combine them. it took the stuffed crust of racism. i know you could have crust and cheese but i didn't know you could put the cheese in the crust that is holding all the cheese, because it is holding the cheese -- it is genius! ch[cheers and applause] if you are confused by what this man is saying, congratulations,

it means you are saying. but at this point, democrats want people to do crime, because that is basically reparations, which the democrats believe they deserve. those are just two things that i can think about the top of my head. one: how does this argument explain black people who steal things from other black people? who is operating who? and secondly, how was this man going to stand on stage and imply that all criminals are black? that is disgusting. has this senator never watched netflix? i am not going to stand here and let tommy tuberville erase all of these white people's contributions! this is the real racism, my friends! trying to make it safe like white people can't do crime. how dare you! black people do crime just like anybody, making it seem like, all my white friends in here, you can do the crime!

you hear me? you don't listen to the people who say you can't. you can do the crime! look, while this is upsetting, it is not exactly surprising. he's an alabama conservative named tommy tuberville. what would be surprising if he got up on stage and he was like, "i'd like to open today with my favorite passage from james baldwin, y'all." so that is our first story and i hope you are warmed up because this next one is a little more unexpected, and it takes place in liberal l.a. >> in los angeles, the big political issue right now is a blockbuster tape recording that could force three city councilors to resign. >> nury martinez, a rising star in l.a. politics, potentially faces a career in ruins. the first latina chosen to lead the los angeles city council caught on tape making racist and offensive comments during a redistricting committee meeting with three latino democrats. at one point, martinez talks about the black child of mike bonnen, a white council member.

in spanish, calling the boy a "little monkey." >> and then there's this white guy with a little black kid who is misbehaved. the kid is bouncing off the effing walls on the float, practically tipping it over. there's nothing you can do to control him. parace changuito. he's like a little white kid. like, this kid needs a beatdown. let me take him around the corner and then i'll bring him back. >> trevor: whoa, boy, yeah. a latina democrat called the black son of a white colleague a "little monkey," who was bouncing all around the walls -- i'm sorry, bouncing all around the effing walls. thank you for censoring yourself echo i appreciate that. i'm not sure if she censored herself in the right place. that was weird for her to be bouncing off the effing walls like a little monkey, you think she should have sent her the racism i just say [bleep].

to each their own, i guess i am just effing crazy. do you know how racist you have to be to see a kid misbehaving, and your first instinct is to use a racial slur against them? it's a little kid. we've all seen kids of every race throw a tantrum or misbehave. i'm not trying to brag, but personally, i hate all kids equally. yeah. it's not the color of their skin that makes them annoying, it's the content of their character. what's especially wild about this story is that she basically implies that because the kid is black, not quite, he should be beaten so that he behaves. if you believe that black kids deserve to be beaten, you have no place being on the l.a. city council. you clearly belong at the l.a.p.d. but before we run out of time, there is one story that has the whole world talking. i'm referring, of course, to kanye west. rapper, entrepreneur, and the

guy who proved that not even black people can make the maga hat cool. kanye has has been drifting more and more to the right lately, from wearing a "white lives matter" shirt, to sitting down for an interview with tucker carlson. but over the weekend, kanye drifted right off the deep end. >> ye, formally known as kanye west, is now blocked from using instagram and twitter because of racist and anti-semitic messages that he posted. on friday, instagram was the first site to lock his account after kanye posted text messages between himself and the rapper sean "diddy" combs. in those messages, he accused diddy of being controlled by jewish people after diddy criticized a shirt kanye was photographed wearing that read "white lives matter." then, on sunday, kanye posted a series of tweets once again targeting jewish people using the phrase "death con 3." >> the rap star lashing out, tweeting "i'm a bit sleepy tonight, but when i wake up, i am going death con 3 on jewish people. the funny thing is, i can't actually be anti-semitic, because black people are actually jew. also you guys have toyed with me

and tried blackball anyone, whoever opposes your agenda." >> trevor: oh, no, kanye, you're going to do it again, you're going to do it again. i don't even know where to begin with this shit. i mean, promoting anti-semitism to your 50 million followers, not even joking about it, threatening to go death con 3 on jewish people. which just by the way, i know this is not the point, but it's not how you say it. i know it's out the main issue, i know that. but it's defcon 3," not death con 3. "death con" sounds like the trade show where they unveil all the new coffins. "our newest model comes with bluetooth! now you can check on the app to make sure nana is still dead." if you are trying to tell people how hard you're going to go,

that is a weird way to do it. "i'm about to open up a can of whoop ass, but i'ma put half of it in some tupperware for later. you've been warned!" i don't want to use all of my whoop ass at the same time. also, it's so funny to me that he starts his threat with, "i'm a bit sleepy tonight." what is that? does antisemitism make you tired? is that why maga people love the my pillow guy? is that what this is? i feel bad for american right-wingers. because they are getting kanye now. they missed "college dropout," "my beautiful dark twisted fantasy," "graduation." they are getting this kanye? it's like getting to date the high school prom king, but decades after high school. "you remember chad, from high school? well, he's got uncontrollable flatulence now. they might even text him and new zealand. so those are the contenders in this week's "amazing racism." you've got a black guy hating on jews, a white guy hating on

black people, and a hispanic woman hating on a white guy for how he raises his black kid. you've got, like, every combination of racism in there. and you could find that depressing, you could come and i would understand why. but i, myself, choose to see all these things as glass half-full. if everyone is being racist against everyone else, then that means that no matter what color we are, racism is at least one thing that we all have in common. what a beautiful thought that is. all right, that's it for the headlines, but before we go to a break, it's time to check in on all the latest social media trends with our very own ronny chieng, everybody! [cheers and applause] good to see you again, my friend. what's happening online? >> hey, trevor, thanks a lot. before we begin, just want to check, do you have any major announcements you want to make first? any emotional or life-changing

decisions about your professional life that you might want to talk about before i get started? >> trevor: actually, yes, there is one thing i've had on my mind. >> shut the [bleep] up! no more announcements! let me get through this one segment without becoming a surprised face meme again with a stupid curb your enthusiasm music. very original. memes are the comedy of lesser minds. let's get to those social media trends or whatever. this long weekend, it's fun times on the internet as usual. kanye west going off the rails again. his beard is clearly not helping. he looks like half a slice, just sending out this tweet. as we have already examined, yes, a lot to unpack here. first of all, anytime you are writing something in lowercase and then you put the race of a people in all caps, that is not a good place to be, okay? because even if you are saying something nice, it's not going to read well.

you could be saying, like, "i want to wish a happy hanukkah to the jewish people." like, it doesn't work. okay? and what is going on with the slide? also, actually jew also? it is like he let the iphone protpredictive test to write a manifesto. i do like the spaces in between, i think every racist rant needs a few blank spaces where we can project our own prejudices into. [cheers and applause] and if this was not chaotic enough, luckily for everyone, the world's second weirdest person, elon musk came in to calm everyone down. replying with this tweet, "talked to ye today and express my turns about his racist tweet and i think he took things to heart." you know it's bad when elon musk thinks you are being

unreasonable on twitter. as this is how elon is going through content moderation when he on twitter? he will a heart heart-to-heart with everything a person who tweet something racist? i don't know if you check twitter lately but i think you will have a lot of time to go if you do that. you will be a little busy. and what else is going on? zuckberg, another billionaire maniac. jo, mark, why are you obsessed with the metaverse? the metaverse sucks. you made billions of dollars in real life, now you are losing billions to create a fake life? so what, now there is legs in the metaverse. wow, we've got legs and the metaverse now. you know what else? there is legs right here. we've got legs here already! the god who created an infinite universe that could be anything and you made like us, okay? not jet pack legs, not teleporting legs, just legs, just likes. what else are you going to event in your magic world?

college debt? [applause] yo, even kanye is looking at this going, yo, what are you doing, man? you're making a people look bad. who wants to be in the metaverse made by facebook? i've never been on facebook and said, you know what, i wish this was in three dimensions. how can i physically interact with this post from a 60-year-old woman who was annoyed that no one spoke english at a drugstore? what kind of dork with nothing but time on his hands would even be excited about the metaverse? i mean, look at what people are tweeting about it. look at this. random idiots. i mean, wow. i just used vr for the first time come to mind-blowing, i can't imagine what it would be like when it's basically real. you can't imagine what it would be like if it was real? why don't you take off the [bleep] headset, look around,

it's happening right now. reality is right here. [cheers and applause] who is this dumb idiot? anyway, back to you, trevor. >> trevor: i think that tweet made some good points. bonnie chan, everybody. [cheers and applause] i like that idea. when we come back, we will find out why vladimir putin is acting out. don't go away. [cheers and applause]

♪♪ trick or treat! - kit kat. - reese's. ooo, great costume. looks like you deserve both. see ya boys. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." it has been seven months since vladimir putin went defcon 3 on ukraine and in the last month, ukraine has been kicking russia's ass up and down the map. they defeated russian soldiers across the front lines, they blew up a key supply bridge deep in russian

territory, they even gave putin's cell number to bed bath & beyond's mailing list. anyway, another week of the war needs another week of updates. so let's catch up on how it is all going in another edition of "vlad gone mad." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] after a series of defeats, vladimir putin has been so humiliated that it was just a matter of time before he lashed out. yesterday, he did just that, launching missiles strikes against civilians for the first time in the war. unfortunately for him, the missile strikes seems to embolden the ukrainian people who went right back outside after the strikes to live their lives and get coffee. and if you ask me, that is a testament to how resilient the ukrainian people are, and to how addicted people are to coffee. these people were just at starbucks like, [in ukrainian accent] "i know missiles are coming down, but pumpkin spice season

is very limited." [in normal voice] it turns out, they weren't just lashing out at ukraine. no, they decided to take a piece of the war to america. speak of the tsa is investigating a coordinated cyber attack on the websites of more than a dozen u.s. airports, including laguardia, and russian-speaking hackers are claiming responsibility. laguardia was the first to be impacted around 3:00 yesterday morning and as of last night, denver international airport's website was still being attacked. the websites were temporarily knocked off-line. there were no immediate signs of impact to actual air travel. >> trevor: that's right, people. the russians check out website or some american airports. and please, everyone, calm down, calm down! i know we all log onto laguardia.com to see the latest news about which terminal will be under construction for the next 17 years! but today, we will all have to discover which area is under construction for ourselves!

stay calm! just stay calm! this is a major story, people. and for more on this, we live to our own desi lydic who is live at laguardia. what is a situation over there like now? >> trevor, as someone who has been a huge fan of laguardia's website ever since i found out it existed at 10:45 this morning, let me tell you, it is chaos. trash bins are overflowing, people are sleeping half naked on the carpet. >> trevor: desi, that's because the website being down? >> oh, no, this is always laguardia. but somehow, it seems worth right now. your tsa precheck, you don't know what it's like. let me tell you how bad this is. all the ladies rooms were closed for cleaning, all of them. i was forced to pee in in one of those breastfeeding pods. >> trevor: the breastfeeding pods have toilets? >> they don't.

no. and the babies were super judging about it. >> trevor: so desi, do you think this is all going down because of the website being attacked? >> clearly, something is going on here. there are three sunglass huts next to each other! and i just walked past a bathing suit store. what kind of psychopath flies a bathing suit at the airport? do you do not know where you were going? anyway, the good news is, i found the cinnabon. >> trevor: oh, okay, well, desi, did you learn anything valuable that you can report our viewers at home? >> oh, my god. [indistinct] >> trevor: i'm sorry, desi, there was cinnabon in your mouth. what did you say? we can't hear what you are saying, desi. this is like --

>> [indistinct." >> trevor: ahh. >> surprisingly good. anyway, please, do not come to laguardia unless you absolutely need to. >> trevor: why would anyone go to laguardia if they don't need to? >> i don't know, for a cinnabon? >> trevor: powerful reporting, desi lydic, everybody. so you've taken up running. apple watch has taken up a few new things as well... first it tracked your distance. now - it tracks your stride length. ♪ it knows a breast stroke, from a back stroke. and checks for temperature changes... to estimate when you've ovulated. ♪ when you're dreaming, it's measuring your rem sleep down to the minute.

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- knowing you got a sweet deal. ♪♪ [ heavy breathing ] i know you're here. come and get me. maybe the only way he can die... is if i die too. >> nar[cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a former d.c. metropolitan police officer who nearly lost his life defending the u.s. capitol during the insurrection on january 6th. he writes about that and policing in america and his new

book "hold the line: the insurrection and one cop's battle for america's soul." please welcome michael fanone. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> trevor: michael fanone, welcome to "the daily show." >> thanks f thanks for having mn come appreciate it. >> trevor: you have written a book that would have been remarkable even before january 6 happened, you know, you lived a life in law enforcement. you have a really interesting story in and around law enforcement, but there is no denying that january 6th is the day that america will probably never forget and a day that will be etched into your memory forever. some people have seen the footage and those who have have all said the same thing, it is harrowing. but you actually experienced that. if you wouldn't mind, take me through not what happened, but

how you feel about people commenting on that day as if it wasn't a big deal. many people say, it wasn't that bad, it wasn't an insurrection, this was just calm, people need to relax. you were actually there, you are actually one of the people trying to stop those who were trying to come into the capitol. what was your experience and how different is it for my people are trying to claim? >> i mean, i remember the brutality of that day like it was yesterday. and hearing people, especially lawmakers, elected so-called leaders of this country downplay or deny the reality of that day, i mean, to say it is infuriating is an understatement. i mean, it pisses be the [bleep] off. yeah. >> trevor: i don't know what it felt like for you. you suffered extreme injuries. how are you doing now, by the way? >> i mean, i am, like, physically. mentally, i feel like i have had

a lot of time to come to terms with what i experienced that day. but a big part of writing this book was not just to memorialize what i did, but also what so many other officers did that day, and there's a lot of them that are out there that are suffering in silence, that didn't get the acknowledgment that i've gotten, and that have kind of been -- or at least feel that they have been forgotten. >> trevor: you were 1 of 850 officers who rushed to protect the capitol during that moment. you were one of the many officers who were attacked by this mob who was rushing in. one of the darkest ironies in some of that footage is you being beaten by a mob where they are holding a blue lives matter flag and i have often said, one thing that perturbs me in america is how people will use the idea of either military or law enforcement to further their

narrative, but it seems like they don't actually have that same reverence for actual law enforcement or military. we see veterans being homeless, you see law enforcement treated like yourself. did those people even acknowledge what was happening? did they see you? did they acknowledge you as a human? could you communicate with them or did it feel like they were going through you at all costs? >> i mean, there was a point where i remember yelling out to the crowd that i had kids. this is while i was being beaten and struck with a taser, and i did think get through to maybe a handful of the individuals there, and they did try to offer some level of assistance to me. i remember at one point, they were actually fighting with other rioters to try to prevent them from continuing their assault on me. but for the most part, i think they just felt like i was an obstacle and they were going to get through me and any of the other officers that were there, trying to protect the building

and protect ourselves, to accomplish their goal, which was overturning a free and fair election. >> trevor: when you look at how lawmakers have responded, you know, in the book you talk about this, and it has been really scary and disappointing to see how lawmakers have spoken either to you in private or to any of the officers who were there and it seems like the way they responded on that day and the things that they said behind closed doors are very different to what they are now saying when they are on tv downplaying everything that happened. for instance, you are really critical of lindsey graham, for instance, i would love to know, has it been strange for you to see him publicly downplay the event after saying to you, you should have killed these people and then publicly say, it wasn't as bad as everyone says? >> nothing shocks me anymore after all the time i spent, not only as a police officer for 20 years, but the time i spent on capitol hill. it is unfortunate, think, not just republican lawmakers,

although they do deserve quite a bit of the scrutiny that they are getting right now. but lawmakers in general and how they are different to the people that they are elected to represent and serve. i mean, that was the main take away that i got, was people like kevin mccarthy, lindsey graham, a lot of these lawmakers, they saw me as an inconvenience. they were indifferent to what my experience was and what the experience of many of the other officers that day were. and they were indifferent to the experience that, you know, what america is experiencing right now under their half assed representation. >> trevor: in the book, you speak to so many of these ideas and you have a really interesting journey. you know, i didn't know about your history and law enforcement until i read this book, and just talking about your tattoos and the work that you did working

undercover narcotics and how you had the nickname i think it was the spider-man. >> yeah. >> trevor: you were notorious, you were rock climbing. do you still climb? do you still have the skills? >> yeah, i wouldn't say i have the skills but i give it a shot. >> trevor: okay. it was really interesting because you were connected. it was almost a double entendre because you were connected and the people in the community knew you but you were also climbing up to purge yourself forcing operations and to be in the right place for what you were doing. what is interesting is how you talk about law enforcement and the bulk. it is a longer conversation than just january 6th. and you share some really interesting insights about how you see the failings of american law enforcement and how it is incongruent -- and congruence with what it is trying to do. for instance, talking about how to bring down drug rates, drug crimes, drug usage, et cetera. you don't seem to be pro-locking

everybody up with every minor infraction. i would love to know why. >> i mean, i learned pretty early on in my career, for me, i aspired only to be a vice officer, to work in narcotics. that was the pinnacle. i never saw a promotion, was not interested in supervising other officers. i can barely supervise myself. so i mean, for me, the pinnacle of my career was when i went to vice. like i said, i saw the idea of going out and going into an area in which, you know, violent crime was prevalent, where open air drug markets existed and locking up hundreds and hundreds of people, that was not to solving the problem is. it was not addressing violent crime, it was not addressing the open air drug markets. what i saw was a need for much

more surgical precision strikes, if you will, against very specific individuals who were committing these violent crimes in those neighborhoods. quality over quantity. unfortunately, whether it was through laziness -- and again, it is complicated. law enforcement had opted for -- we had looked at success as the quantity of arrests. how many arrests were made in a specific area, that is how we determined that we were being successful in that area. but it wasn't, you know, as a lot of people might think, it was not fueled by law enforcement officials. that actually came from our city council and from the mayor's office.

these concepts, i guess to streamline the explanation, you would have citizens would complain about the area in which there was a large amount of violent crime or drugs. and then you would have politicians who would receive those complaints and they would forward them onto the police department and they would want to know, what is the police department doing to address this issue? they want results now. they want officers out there, they want another making arrests, and they wanted to be able to go back to the citizens and say, we've made these arrests, and that at success. so again, it is not -- law enforcement has its role to play, politicians have their role to play, and citizens have their role to play. the issue is not as simple as i think a lot of people would think and again, another big point that i tried to make in my book is that i feel like politicians are failing us and that their role to play is to

facilitate positive, constructive conversations between law enforcement and the people that we are charged with surveying. and right now, i don't feel like that is what is happening. >> trevor: it's a really complicated journey. i think it is revealing, it is honest, and it is a painful account of what you went through on that day. as you said, with the 800 plus officers who also stepped up. thank you so much for taking the time. appreciate you being on the show. show. >> thanks for having me. >> trevor: all right, everybody, "hold the line" is available that wherever you find your books. michael fanone, everybody. we will take a break. we'll deal back right after this. thank you so much. [cheers and applause] [cheers an]

>> trevor: that's our show for tonight. but before we go, "the daily show"'s official votedemic 2022 merch just

dropped! proceeds from select items will benefit headcount, a nonpartisan, nonprofit organization that promotes voter registration. so if you want to support headcount and look fresh on or head to the link below. until next time, stay safe out there and remember don't skip leg day because you will need it in the metaverse. now, here it is. your "moment of zen." >> edge is that indigenous people say or is it columbus da? let's say you are krista for columbus, you come to america, e the native americans? >> give them some lasagna and homemade wine! ♪♪ -from comedy central, this is "stephen colbert presents tooning out the news." ♪♪ -tesla. if you see our driverless cars, just play dead until it goes away.

tonight on "tooning out the news," liberal warrior kylie weaver has an exclusive interview with secretary pete buttigieg. does he have his eye on the white house or is he perfectly happy in his current role straining his every muscle pretending to care about bike lanes? and the conservative panel of "hot take" applauds ron desantis for accepting federal hurricane relief, calculating that floridians can't vote for him in 2024 if they have to fight off a shark in the voting booth. but first, president biden juggles the approaching midterms and a nuclear crisis with russia. do our polling models account for extra votes from radiation-induced third limbs? it's time for some "big news." ♪♪ good evening. i'm james smartwood, and i got a head full of news where my brain should be. top story -- with just 34 days until the midterm elections, the democratic and republican parties are fighting to convince voters that they know the perfect shade of paint to make our crumbling democracy pop. the leader of the republican party, former president and guy on a flight to riyadh trying to stuff a nuclear warhead

into the overhead compartment donald trump, is facing new startling accusations related to his latest treason gaffe. meanwhile, the leader of the democratic party, president joe biden, wants to keep the nation's focus on how republicans will ban all abortions, with one exception -- the man might run for senate one day on a platform of "i played football." but the military cable news industrial complex is trying to sneak in a quickie world war. -as putin is encountering these difficulties, i think it's now time to remove some of the restrictions that we've put on ourselves. -air and missile attack, which would be devastating on everything he owns inside ukraine. -we will continue to support the ukrainians, as you've heard our president say, for as long as it takes. -doubling down on sanctions, doubling down on export controls, ranging all the way to a nuclear response of our own. -you know we're having a robust debate on the merits of military intervention when the only options laid out before the american people are, "we should do it," or, "come on, we should do it." joining me now to roll down the windows of truth, let the scoops blow through our hair, and make the news memory of a lifetime

is democratic strategist in the background of every single shot of hillary and chelsea's new apple tv docuseries, lydia parker. -good evening. -chief washington bureau chief whose cat is the alpha in the relationship, jonathan keene. -hello. -from washington, chief field correspondent who got his job fair and square over his sister, james smartwood jr. -hey. -and cbs news chief washington correspondent and, if i were the luckiest boy in the world, my dad, major garrett. -great to be with you. -major, obviously there is no conflict on earth the united states should not get involved in, but how does biden spin america turning into an irradiated hellscape to his advantage in the midterms? -so, one thing that's true about president biden -- unlike his most immediate predecessor, he doesn't watch tv and take the advice of generals on tv to chart his military strategy. he charts it on his own. and one thing i would say about the military generals currently on tv -- they either were directly or indirectly involved in two of america's most recent wars, afghanistan and iraq not necessarily regarded as absolute victories.