>> announcer: coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight... alex jones has to pay. the series finale of the januar. and quintessa swindell! it is "the daily show with trevor noah"! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> trevor: hey, what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out in person. thank you so much! thank you so much! thank you so much!

take a seat, everybody. take a seat. we've got a great show for you tonight. inflation is still inflating, we have some never-before-seen footage of the work being done by trump's special master, and alex jones needs to borrow a few bucks. so let's do this, people. let's jump straight into today's headlines. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ all right, folks. i'm gonna be honest, with all the news that happened today, i just don't think we have enough space in today's show. yeah, i know, i tried everything to fit it in. i even tried to unscrew the legs and take off the cushions and turn the news sideways so it would fit, but it didn't work. there's not enough time. [audience reacts] luckily, not enough time is just enough time for a segment we call "ain't nobody got time for that." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with some news about the u.s. economy. remember how the fed raised interest rates 1,000 times in

the last week to try to stop inflation? well, it turns out it didn't work. >> breaking news on the economy. inflation shows no sign of slowing down. the last inflation report before the midterm elections, take a look at some of these numbers. shows that prices rose 8.2% between september 2021 and september 2022. >> gasoline prices up more than 18% from last year. food prices still up 11%. >> turkey, up 20% from this time last year. eggs up 27%. butter, 25%. and then look at the little candy corn graphic. halloween candy up a whopping 34% across the board. >> trevor: that's right, people! halloween candy up 34%! i love how they say it like it is necessary to live. "what are we going to do without it?" once again, inflation numbers are out and prices are still going up, affecting everything from gas to halloween candy. not only that, razor blades are up 52%. now what am i supposed to put in the candy? oh, how do i live?

i will say, 34% increase in candy, that's a lot. it's so expensive, parents are going to start encouraging their kids to get into strange vans. "look, timmy, he says he's got free candy and in this economy, we got to take that shot." "you got an airtag, i will find you." all this inflation is just not sustainable, right? because here's the thing, inflation is a lot like masturbating: a little bit is completely natural, but once you're noticing it in restaurants and car dealerships, things have gotten out of hand. if we had more time, we could talk about the federal reserve, and it looks like how they will keep raising interest rates to try to curb this rampant inflation because that is basically the only tool they have. the problem is, raising interest rates take so long to filter through the economy that this could be too much raising interest rates and we just don't know it yet. in some way, raising interest

rates is like taking mushrooms. you take some, nothing happens. you take some more, nothing happens. then, you finish the whole box and because this stuff clearly doesn't work -- whoa. [distorted] whoa. oh, man. oh, okay. [distorted] i think it's kicking in. i just met god and he is a gorilla. oh. we don't have time for this! because while everyone's bills are going up, one of the worst people of all time just got the biggest bill of all time. >> tonight, the stunning verdict. conspiracy theorist alex jones ordered to pay nearly a billion dollars for spreading falsehoods about the sandy hook shooting. >> jones was not in the courtroom for the verdict but immediately reacted on his online show, calling the attorneys for the victims' families "ambulance chasers" and mocking the verdict. >> $120 million.

>> yeah! whoooo! 57 million! 20 million! 50 million! 80 million! 100 million! blah blah. you get a million! you get 100 million! you get a 50 million! they actually believe they are getting this money. they believe all their own stuff. >> trevor: what a dick. i used to watch american movies as a kid and i used to think the bad guys were fake and i came to this country and the bad guys are in their lair, like, you have not seen the last of me. [evil laughing] and for the parents and the first responders of sandy hook, when he accused them of faking the shooting, alex jones has been ordered to pay $965 million. [cheers and applause] yeah, which is a huge amount of money. you know you [bleep] up when even your great, great grandkids will have to declare bankruptcy. he's basically got millions of

sperm and every single one of them is a broke ass bitch. every single one, every single one. by the way, good luck to alex jones' lawyer trying to get clients after this. what is your selling point? "in my last case, the jury awarded a billion dollars." wow, to your client? "well, to a client." we have more time, we could talk about how jones' conspiracy theories have become more mainstream since sandy hook, and that there's not enough billion dollar judgments in the world to change the fact that one-fifth of americans think sandy hook might have been staged. but we can't get into all of that because while alex jones' trial is over, andy warhol's is just beginning. >> the supreme court heard a case today involving one of the most famous artists in american history. >> the justices are deciding whether andy warhol illegally copied another artist's work. >> they're among andy warhol's most iconic portraits, the silkscreen images of prince. the image was based on a 1981 photograph by lynn goldsmith. she sued warhol's foundation, claiming copyright infringement.

the justices did find some lighter moments, when clarence thomas revealed his musical tastes. >> let's say that i'm both a prince fan, which i was in the '80s, and um -- >> no longer? [laughter] >> well, only on thursday nights. [laughter] >> trevor: [deep voice] oh, yeah. justice thomas, i see you, you little freak-nasty. six days a week, it's shapeless black robes, but then thursday hits, and you got that chest bush of chest hair popping out. yeah! [normal voice] and i know a lot of people might be wondering why thomas only listens to prince on thursday nights specifically, but you see, clarence thomas is an originalist, and it's all right there in the constitution. night. it says that, we always go back. i don't know why they put that

in there, but they did. but yeah, the big question in this case is if andy warhol simply copied the prince picture, or if he made it his own by transforming it. and it just so happens that i'm an art expert, so i'm uniquely qualified to answer this question. now if you compare them and look very closely, you'll see... he made it red. and purple. with some squiggly things. and i'm sorry, i'm such an art geek, this is probably going over all your heads, but bottom-line, i think it's differenter than the other one. that's what i'm saying. now look, if we had the time, we could talk about how it's weird that the supreme court is the only place where you get to be an expert on every single issue in the world. actually, the supreme court and twitter, but we just don't have the time for that, because while the supreme court is trying to decide if certain artists are stealing, it is becoming clear that a certain former president definitely is. >> this morning, a new twist of the investigation into former president trump's alleged mishandling of classified documents at his florida estate. trump told people to move boxes to his residence at the property

after advisers received a subpoena in may for any classified documents at mar-a-lago. that witness account was corroborated by security camera footage which showed people moving the boxes. >> trevor: [laughs] yo, i'm sorry, trump is a legend. who else gets caught committing crimes with their own security cameras? who are you? [cheers and applause] how are you real? [laughs] you realize this guy is there like, "hurry, move these classified documents so i can illegally hide them from the fbi! but first, let's all wave at that blinking red light and tell it our names! donald j. trump! the j stands for genius!" [applause] there's something inspiring about it too, when you think about it. it's actually inspiring. because trump is so bad at crime, but he gets away with so

much of it, it just shows us we could do crime too. he's like the drunk couple at karaoke, hearing them screech through "don't stop believing" gives you the confidence to try "kiss from a rose." look, if we had a little more time, we could have so much fun talking about how trump has once again helped the justice department crack the case against him or we could get into my personal conspiracy theory that ron desantis and his people are the ones that snitched on trump to get him out of the race but we don't have time for that. while the fbi is investigating trump's mishandling of classified documents, congress is investigating a whole different trump crime. today, at their final hearing, the january 6th committee released never-before-seen footage showing what nancy pelosi and chuck schumer were doing while trump's mob was outside asking to have an intimate conversation with mike pence's neck and it was pretty impressive how they were keeping their cool and trying to get stuff done. everything from phoning the vice president to trying to call in the national guard. one of the craziest moments was when nancy pelosi pointed out one really smelly reason that

lawmakers might not be able to stay in the capitol. >> [chanting "usa"] >> what we have been told very directly as it is going to take days for the capitol to be okay again. we've gotten very bad reports about the condition of the house floor. there is defecation and all the kinds of things as well. >> i just got off with the invoice president. he he was talking to mitch, we need to do it there. the counterpoint that it could take time to clean up the poo poo they are making literally and figuratively in the capitol. >> trevor: yep, you heard that right. turned out that right-wing jamiroqui was shitting all over -- or as nancy pelosi put it, poo pooing all over the captiol. it so interesting how people

like tucker carlson are calling black people animals when george floyd protests were happening, but when these people were literally shitting all over the capitol, fox was like, "these brave patriots are expressing their frustration and standing up for american democracy." they are not the animals? i can tell you for a fact, even in minnesota, when shit was going down and people were raiding that target, there was no black man who stopped in the middle of all of it and was like, "yo, hold up, hold up, hold up." [applause] black lives matter. but we don't have the time to talk about those moments from the committee because the biggest news of the day is that the january 6th committee has issued a subpoena to speak to the chief of poo poo himself. >> happening now, the january 6th select committee punctuates its final hearing before the midterm elections with a bombshell. a subpoena for former president donald trump. >> so this afternoon, i am

offering this resolution, that the committee directs the chairman to issue a subpoena for relevant documents and testimony under oath from donald john trump. >> trevor: oh, shit! [cheers and applause] what? what? that's what the j stands for? what a bombshell! also the fact that they just subpoenaed a former president of the united states. i mean, hell yeah, finally! how are the only deciding on this now? huh? only now? you will hold a murder investigation ended last day be like, "should we talk to the murderer? yeah? he might have some information about the murder, maybe." now, even after this came out, everyone assumes that trump will not show up to testify. but i feel like he will be a little conflicted. because on the one hand, yes, he thinks this is a crooked witch hunt that is out to get him, but on the other hand, the ratings. can you imagine the ratings? this would be like the super bowl meets watergate meets

"game of thrones" meets a mandatory hr video about sexual harassment. everyone will be watching! everyone will be watching! and we all know, the only thing donald trump loves more than ratings is grabbing classified documents by the pussy. whether you like trump or not, this dude is a record breaker. first president to be impeached twice. first president to be subpoenaed for staging a coup. first president to go to prison maybe? first president to break out of present. first president to escape to mexico. first president to be blocked by his own wall trying to escape to mexico now listen, if we had the time, we could talk about trump serving time but unfortunately we don't because it is time for us to take an ad break. we'll be right back. [cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." as we just heard, donald trump has been battling the justice department over whether his little hoarding problem with government documents has crossed the line into criminality. if you've been following this story, you know that the documents that trump took from the white house are currently being reviewed by a "special master." it turns out, in an exclusive, very real interview, the "the daily show" has found out

how this process is going. >> my name is judge raymond dearies and i'm currently the special master appointed to review the files that were in former president trump's office i've been a judge since 1986. i've had many great moments in my career. this is... a moment. it's fine. the first task is to divide the documents into files that are classified, files that are declassified, and files that are stuffed with cold cuts. the first one i thought was just a mistake, but now i think he thought the folders are also a type of bread? they are both kind of frown i guess. is this where i saw myself at age 78, sorting through an ex-president's personal stash of america's most sensitive secrets and his used underwear? no. i'd rather be on a beach or d dead. you know, none of this is very

organized. here, we've got what appears to be blueprints for a nuclear [bleep], so that should probably go in the classified pile, but then you open it up and inside is just a copy of the 1 1983 may beaver junta magazine. then you open up "beaver hunt," inside is a usb drive that is property of the cia. this thumb drive holds critical nuclear -- oh, it's actually just a digital version of "beaver hunt" magazine. this could actually be interesting. but i have found some interesting items. this is a to-do list they just said "president macron's wife." i can't believe i'm doing this. i've maintained a professional relationship with president trump in order to clarify the nature of the documents, but it can be difficult, because he is, well, and illegal sense, just so stupid. mr. president, did you declassified this list of

undercover counter intelligence operatives? >> if you are the president of the united states, you can declassify just by saying it's declassified, even by thinking about it. >> how do i know if you thought about -- you know, never mind. >> i know the country is eager for me to finish but there is just so, so much to go through, like, piles. help! dumps of piles of stuff. god damn it, i hate this job so much. this is fine, miserable, agonizing, unyi hell but at leai get a free lunch. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: would we come back, one of the stars of the new "black adam" movie, quintessa swindell, will be joining me on the show. so don't go anywhere. [cheers and applause]

♪the walls start shaking, the earth was quaking♪ ♪my mind was aching and we were making it♪ ♪and you shook me all night long♪ ♪yeah, you shook me all night long♪ ♪and knocked me out♪ ♪i said, you shook me♪ get 5 boneless wings for just $1 with any burger. only at applebee's. now that's ein good in. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a doctor who stars as cyclone and the new superhero film "black adam,"

which will premiere in theaters nationwide october 21st. >> that is insane. >> the nano bots did most of the work. >> no, no, no. i'm not going to let you downplay it. i literally just witnessed a miracle. that i say something stupid? >> no, it's just you can transform molecular structure grow 100 times your own size. you are an impossibility and the world still amazes you. it's cool. >> thank you. but it's not as cool as nano bots. >> trevor: please welcome quintessa swindell! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] welcome to the show. >> thank you. [cheers and applause] wow! >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show." >> thank you, man, it's a pleasure to be here. >> trevor: it's a pleasure to have you here. you are in this movie and one of the people who is your costar is a comedian, mo amer, who i've

been friends with for a very long time, and so he sent me a message, "yo, q is coming to your show," and gave me no other information, when, who is q, how q, and i was like, which q? he's like, i don't keep -- and now you are here. welcome, q. >> it is i. if you don't know, now you know. easy. >> trevor: first things first. >> thank you. >> trevor: congratulations on the journey you had, people have seen you on "euphoria, the netflix show "trinkets" coming out to be on the d.c. show speeds 23 with the rock from its incredible. >> it's been a dream. i haven't been working very long but i've been able to work with some truly incredible people in this industry, pierce, noah, mo, sarah, d.j., it's been truly

incredible. >> trevor: i like that, you get to call him d.j. >> sorry. >> trevor: don't be sorry. d.j., q, these are the names. you listed those names, and every single one of them has created a piece of a franchise or they have been part of a franchise, and there is so much pressure that comes without. but what you are doing is really unique in that you are playing a character in this movie that we have not seen in the movie before and at a cyclone. often times, people get a player character that they have seen, they have saw, sometimes it takes the pressure off, sometimt adds a different pressure. in this case, how did you feel? was it liberating to set the tone or were you a little nervous of this is -- cyclone is what you make of it? >> i think it's a little bit of both. i think with what you said, cyclone has become such an important person and an important character and my life and she is formed so much of how i enter spaces and how i embrace myself more. so there wasn't any pressure

other than to just be my most authentic self and embrace myself and trust more, honestly. >> trevor: i love that. [cheers and applause] >> yeah, yeah. >> trevor: have you ever struggled with that? you give office air, and every interview that you do, every screen and vibe, you give off this energy of just being comfortable in who you are. with the news came out that d.c. was celebrating the fact that you are the first known nine nonbinary person in this universe, you are like some of this is who i am, this is who i am living my life. where did you get the swag from? >> it has taken quite a bit of time to embrace that part of myself. i feel like so much of my life, i have always been searching for who i am, my identity, my family, my friends, everything, and like i said in the beginning, i have been so lucky to have representations of who i want to be each step of the way.

>> trevor: that's cool. >> whether it is the people that i'm working with or just the people that have i have been able to me that it helped me cultivate who i am and embrace i am. as far as being the first known nonbinary person, that is so important and you said that. there could be other nonbinary people who are questioning, trans people who aren't fully out yet, and for me, being able to be fully out, hopefully can serve as representation for other people to embrace who they are and step into themselves, because -- >> trevor: i love that. [cheers and applause] >> yeah. >> trevor: i love it because in many ways, all superhero stories are an allegory for that journey. it is a journey of somebody possessing two identities. it is the journey of somebody being one person to the people who know them and then being somebody completely different and being their true selves. i would love to know, what do you think you learned about the idea of what's being a hero is? >> ooh, okay, such a good

question. for me, it shifted. you begin to question what you have been indoctrinated to believe. for me personally, it is how, as a western society, do we view justice? do we have the power to go elsewhere and read a problem? just like in "black adam." we are telling him to be a hero but he is already a hero for his people and i think in today's society and in this world, we see that so often. people rising up and people being able to choose who their leaders are. and for me, that may be questioned that as well. and learn more and learn about what is happening in the world today, and be curious, and be an advocate of that. >> trevor: i love it, you crushed at, you crushed it and everything you do and i am so excited to see the film. thank you so much for being here. >> thank you. >> trevor: quintessa swindell, everybody. we will take a quick break. we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause]

natalie, do you know if your kids are home from school yet? like, are your kids home safe? did something happen to them? (message doorbell ring) with advanced ai object detection and up to 4k resolution. you can protect your everything with arlo. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight. charlamagne is up next. now, here it is. your "moment of zen." >> bacon is delicious but you cannot eat it for breakfast every day because it is just

that and it's bad so you get up, you have some raisin bran and fruit, healthy. healthy start to a great day. wrong. all of a sudden, raisin brand does not qualify as healthy. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting "howdy neighbor" ♪ - ♪ headin' on up to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - ♪ [muffled] ♪ - ♪ come on down to south park ♪ ♪ and meet some friends of mine ♪ - ah, killed you. - i blew your head off. - [muffled] - is cartman still in the bathroom? - hey, cartman, we're almost to level 20! you giving birth in there or what? - let a man take a crap. - he's in there punishing my toilet. - yeah, that poor, poor thing. - come on, cartman, you're missing the game! - i'm almost done, you smart-asses. i'm just wiping my-- what the hell is that?

[toilet flushes] you guys, look what i found in the trash can in stan's bathroom. it's like a bloody cotton thing wrapped in toilet paper. - why did you pull it out of the trash? - because i thought it was a jelly doughnut, but look, check it out. it's all bloody. - are you boys still playing that video game? - yeah; hey, mom, cartman found a bloody cotton thing in the bathroom. - look. but i don't think it's for using. i think it's just for looking through. - eric, put that down. - why? - just go put it back in the trash can. - but it's, like, all bloody. it might be alive. - no, that-- that came from me. just put it away. - this came out of you? you just left it in the trash can? "you shouldn't have done that. he's just a boy. poor little feller." - what is it, mom? - yeah, what is it, mrs. marsh? - boys, that's a... feminine thing, all right? it's a personal woman thing. i tell you what. if you'll just drop the whole thing right now, i'll buy you that new video game console you've been wanting. - the 2001 okama gamesphere ? - sure. - cool! - wow, this is like finding trash can gold, you guys. - there it is, the okama gamesphere. - dude, it's got 128 gigahertz d-ram. - what's that?