against the unblinking eyes of brian kilmeade because kilmeade doesn't now how to blink. -no one is perfect. i'm a sinner. we all sin before the glory of god, but every day, i get up in the morning, i pray to god to let me do his will, and that's the reason i'm in this race right now. -that's right. we are in no position to condemn herschel walker's journey to condemn teenagers who made herschel walker's mistakes. democrats are saying walker is engaging in rank hypocrisy, forcing republicans to clarify their moral code -- "god is dead, and we believe in nothing." -a lot of people have sleazy pasts. as long as he is moving forward, and he is a strong republican, we need this senate seat. -what matters to people is how they're going to vote once they've been in the senate. -i don't care if herschel walker paid to abort endangered baby eagles, i want to control of the senate. -savvy of dana loesch to get ahead of what is likely the next revelation in the herschel walker saga. joining me to huff a tube of news glue then claw some headlines into our own faces is democratic strategist who blamed her last three breakups on russian hackers, lydia parker.

-good evening. -chief washington bureau chief who hangs around pick-up basketball games until someone asks him to ref, jonathan keene. -hello. -live from outside herschel walker's campaign headquarters in atlanta, chief field correspondent who has gotten a medically dangerous amount of shampoo in his eyes, james smartwood jr. -dad. -hey, james. and cbs news senior white house correspondent and "tooning out the news" contributor weijia jiang. thank you so much for being here, weijia. -thank you for having me. it's really exciting to be with you guys tonight. -absolutely. now let's talk about that republican pivot to, "we just want to win." how inspiring is it for voters if republicans' new campaign slogan is, "vote for our craven accumulation of power"? -so, this is something that we had to grapple with starting in 2016, right? -right. -whenever many pundits and analysts looked at the now infamous "access hollywood" tape and assumed that then-candidate donald trump was a goner, and the opposite happened.

so, i think, since then, a lot of people have been -- you know, have been struggling with the big question, which is the identity of the party. but as we just heard in that clip that you played, james, you know, some people just don't care. they want that power, and they say, you know, "it doesn't matter what the candidate has done, if he's going to be a republican, we will support him." -yeah, i'm just wondering, democrats should maybe consider that you may not need to campaign as a morally perfect person to run a country that's just a pile of bloody money. -now, former football coach tommy tuberville went on a racist rant and then former football player, herschel walker, engaged in all this madness. it's become clear that we are paying for our ungodly love of the golden calf that is football, and to save this nation, we need to somehow reverse football. i propose we blast joe theismann and troy aikman at each other at the speed of light, thus creating anti-football. -oh, we'll have to see if they're up for it. let's turn now to pennsylvania, where democrat and sentient dive bar

john fetterman only holds a slim lead over a republican who many suspect simply changed his first name to "doctor," dr. oz, due to a stroke that, according to new york magazine, still affects him. it's gonna be a tough call for pennsylvania voters to decide whether they would rather have a senator with reduced cognition or a senator they wish had reduced cognition. -oz is really trying to pressure the fetterman campaign to release more of his medical records, to, you know, show whether he's hiding anything, in his words, about his health. but, you know, fetterman has been really open about the fact that, yes, he had a stroke, and he has overcome it, and he continues to work through that. and, in fact, when oz's campaign poked fun at fetterman for having a stroke, his senior communications aide said that if fetterman had ever eaten a vegetable in his life, maybe he wouldn't have had a stroke, that really backfired. -well, i'm just worried that fetterman seeing a doctor and receiving adequate medical care will be very unrelatable to all those americans

currently treating their cardiac arrest with a toilet snake. -look, i've been weary of dr. oz ever since he sold me a skin tonic whose primary ingredient was ionized hog sphincters. now, i know it's our job in the media to remain as unbiased commentators of our political system, i'm starting to worry that the country is driving toward a fascistic cliff, and we're all just voting on what sort of gas we should put in the tank. i mean, does anyone agree here? -oh! -hello, i'm chuck todd. by threatening to fully comprehend the actual gravity of our political reality live on air, you have violated the sacred law of the news gods. it is the news media's humble calling to distract the masses with inane bullshit while our corporate overlords exploit the system to rob them blind. -oh. okay. my bad. i won't do that again. -you're not going to push back at all? -no, i'm good. i mean, i get to sit behind a big desk and, you know, be on tv. -okay, cool. so, you want to grab drinks after the show? -uh... not really.

kind of, sort of busy over here with the, you know, stuff. -okay, so, some other time. -we're really busy, right, team? pretty busy overall? -yeah. -yeah, this show is a beast to make. -swamped. -yeah, it's a lot. -have you ever played "settlers of catan"? -that sounds actually even worse than the other option, so i think i'm going to be busy for that, too. -weijia, uh, do you want to hang out with chuck todd, or...? -oh, i want to hang out with all of you. i mean -- -yeah. see? sorry, chuck. -maybe we could have a drink and then play that game, which always really confused me, but it might make it more bearable. -oh, no, it's really simple. here, i'll go through it real quick. -oh no, weijia, what have you done? -no, no, weijia, don't feed him. all right, two of our cameramen want to fight in the parking lot, and the rest of us got to stand in a circle, so that's all the time we have. thank you to my analysts and to "tooning out the news" contributor weijia jiang. thank you so much, weijia. -thank you, guys. -"hot take" is up next. tyler, what sort of personal fears and anxieties are you turning into politics today? -'sup, james. tonight on "hot take," donald trump is on the campaign trail,

inspiring americans with his open-minded love for the reeking swamp monsters he endorsed. stick around. ♪♪ jimmy's johns new “all-american” beefy crunch is full of lies. thousand island dressing?! from canada! crispy onion strings?! could be from anywhere! american cheese! from america-wait. come on, stevie, get it together! at jimmy john's for a limited time. there's one thing everyone wants. we all want the incredible new iphone 14 pro.

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♪♪ -linkedin -- get messages from weirdos. -welcome to columbus day week on "hot take." i'm host who grips a pencil like he's stirring a thick chowder, tyler templeton, alongside co-host who feels naked without 30 bug bites, bonnie davis, co-host who just upgraded to a 500-pound weighted blanket, susan shephard, and co-host whose toast at his sister's wedding was entirely plagiarized from a joe rogan monologue, austin sparks. the dobbs decision will boost the economy by letting herschel walker invest funds previously earmarked for his massive annual abortion budget. this is "hot take." ♪♪ -what's up, you butt rinses of maine, you crotch stings of new england? we are on day three of celebrating columbus day-week.

for all you liberals who refuse to accept history, christopher columbus discovered america according to picture books. thusly, we are wearing his signature hat, which is made of felt, which does not breathe and makes my head so hot, i am going to die. top story! president trump endorsed an all-star lineup of republican nominees who are doing so well, they need him to fly his ass across the country and say, "i order you to vote for these nut jobs." trump focused his speeches on kitchen-table issues for republicans with a brief two-hour detour into his personal gripes. -these are radical left lunatics, and they lose documents, they plant documents. "let's see, is there a book on nuclear destruction or the building of a nuclear weapon cheaply? let's put that box -- let's that book in with trump." -and it would be so easy for democrats to plant the documents at mar-a-lago. they could just sneak in dressed as one of the exterminators

doing minute-on-the-minute bedbug sprays. donald trump then destroyed the media's argument that he orchestrated a coup by noting they severely undercounted his accomplices. -they never want to show how massive our crowd was. you know the biggest crowd i've ever seen? january 6th. [ cheers and applause ] and you never hear that. it was the biggest -- and they were there -- they were there largely to protest a corrupt and rigged and stolen election. -that's right. just like the titanic's journey across the atlantic was largely successful if you don't myopically focus on the last little bit. panel, i thought trump gave some more great speeches. do we agree? -yes. and if we're going to have a january 6th hearing, why are we not hearing about the entire day? what did everyone have for breakfast? did they iron a shirt? -or pants. let's not forget pants. -it's hard to get an accurate count with all that camo. i've been saying for years, the right needs tactical paisley.

-ooh! that could look nice with the gallows. moving on. the republican party proudly embraced kanye west as a new spokesperson after an extensive vetting process of noticing he's famous. he sat down for an interview with fox news host and guy so confident in his own masculinity, he never stops talking about it, tucker carlson, then took to twitter, where he shared some unorthodox views on orthodox people. how come every time the republican party falls in love with a celebrity, they burn us by saying exactly what we think? -we can't rebuke kanye. we have to show the world that the gop is the heroic party of co-opting the mentally ill to further our agenda. -yes. republicans need to push kanye's hatred away from unacceptable groups

and toward every human being living below the equator. all right, you can cook an egg on my flaming hot scalp, so let's please wrap it out with "i'm not done." ♪♪ first, adam driver portrays maurizio gucci in the movie "house of gucci," and now he's portraying enzo ferrari in michael mann's upcoming biopic, "ferrari"? i am sick of adam driver using clumsy, problematic stereotypes of italians just to make a buck. oh, mamma mia, i'd give him a knuckle sandwich if it wasn't for this calming plate of my nona's spaghetti. -republican senate candidate dr. oz attended a fundraiser where he delivered a speech while standing in front of a perfectly normal car, except for one minor detail. this particular g4 was originally delivered to adolf hitler in late 1939 and was used by the fuhrer. dr. oz is not a nazi. just last week, everyone was busting his balls for experimenting on puppies.

does that sound like something a nazi would do? -all right, thank you to my co-hosts. when "tooning out the news" returns, "inside the hill" asks democratic senator cory booker if herschel walker's inability to remember how many kids he has means he could be the next dianne feinstein. stick around. are the cameras off? because this hat is like a thousand pounds of sweat. -my head's gonna fall off! -"tooning out the news: the podcast" is available thursdays on your platform of choice. jimmy's johns new “all-american” beefy crunch is full of lies. thousand island dressing?! from canada! crispy onion strings?! could be from anywhere! american cheese! from america-wait. come on, stevie, get it together! at jimmy john's for a limited time.

i'll remember that chapter of my life forever. we laughed. we cried. we protected that progressive home & auto bundle day and night. we left our blood, sweat, and tears on that yard. well...jamie did anyway.

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♪♪ -tampax ultra jumbo maxi xtra wide. we didn't have to call it all that. -hello! this is "inside the hill," where we cover the top stories facing real americans, like the saudi royal family. -today, we welcome senator cory booker to discuss the midterms and whether republicans have the virility needed to generate enough secret child reveals for the democrats to eke out a win. -let's go "inside the hill." ♪♪ -hey, i'm rich ballard, and my housekeeper is my best friend. -i'm sarah sabo, and every morning before school, i pack my children's pill boxes. -we're joined by wall street journal columnist who leaves every open bar wedding via ambulance, eleanor palmer. -hello. -and princeton history professor who can't see a yo-yo trick without muttering, "sorcery,"

dr. ike bloom. -good day. -let's jump in. with the midterms just days away, president who knows it starts with joe but is iffy on the back half, joe biden, is offering this closing argument to the american people. -there's different ways of looking at our country. one is to view it from park avenue, which says, "help the very wealthy, and maybe it'll trickle down to everyone else." the other view is from scranton, pennsylvania, where i grew up. the middle class built america and unions built the middle class. -joe biden needs to stop demonizing rich people. they create good jobs with great benefits, like being able to take a leak every 72 hours. -here to agree with us is democratic senator cory booker of new jersey. thanks for stepping away from wringing palm sweat from your handkerchief after a ted cruz handshake to join us today, senator. -it is very, very good to be with you. thank you. -now, senator, are you confident democrats have made a compelling case to remain in power? and when you answer, please try to restrain yourself from saying the word "abortion" more than 500 times.

-[ laughs ] -well, i have to remind folks where the economy was. we were in a terrible, terrible place when president biden took over because covid had shut down our economy. and the american rescue plan that biden signed into law rescued thousands and thousands of small businesses, helped us to get back out there and back to work. and he's continuing to pass more bills, i think, than we've seen done since lbj. -now, while democrats are appealing to voters' wallets, some republicans are appealing to the most bigoted nerve receptors in voters' brain stems. senator booker, here is your colleague, leather-upholstered republican senator tommy tuberville, at a trump rally in nevada talking about democrats. -some people say, "well, they're soft on crime." no, they're not soft on crime. they're pro-crime. they want crime! they want crime, because they want to take over what you got. they want to control what you have. they want reparations because they think the people that do the crime are owed that.

bullshit! they are not owed that. -senator, given these comments, should tommy tuberville continue to serve in the senate, or will resigning just give him more time to prepare for his prime-time slot on fox news? -you know, i learned a long time ago that what we say about other people is more of a reflection of who we are than who we're talking about. i think anybody can understand fairly looking at his comments, how hurtful they could be to a lot of folks. and what's frustrating to me is because they reflect just this sort of vicious culture of contempt that we have in this country, where we're just trying to pit each other against each other. we need leaders, frankly, that are not going to divide us or teach us to hate each other or create these ridiculous tropes that i thought would be gone in my parents' generation. -finances are a thorny issue for tuberville. a new york times review included a small charitable foundation created by mr. tuberville, finding that its tax records

indicated that less than a third of its proceeds went to the veterans' causes it was set up to advance. he should be for reparations. it puts more money in the pockets of americans to give to his scam charity. -now, let's turn to the bipartisan congressional investigation into the january 6th insurrection. senator, do you think the department of justice should consider charging the former president with crimes? or will that just cause division between democrats and the people frequently posting violent threats against democrats? -you know, our capitol was only attacked like that twice in history, once during the war of 1812, in the year 1814, and the other time was on january 6th, where we saw the ugliness. i remember turning on the news, after they literally led us out of the senate floor. i saw injured police officer after injured police officer. by the time i got back to my office and turned on the tv, what i saw was these folks who stormed our capitol waving confederate flags, wearing "camp auschwitz" t-shirts. and so should the president of the united states

be held accountable for inciting riots? well, we tried to convict him in an impeachment trial. i think if there are any indication that there's a criminal activity here, he should be held accountable because no one, not even the president of the united states or former president of the united states, is above the law. -i don't like that this report is coming out right before the election. it unfairly biases the public against the violent insurrectionists on the ballot this november. -now, moving on, senator, this is a little uncomfortable, but we heard you support filibuster reform. -and we are religious supporters of government inaction, and it is our position that anyone who supports filibuster reform is possessed by the devil. -[ laughs ] -so, we used forgiven ppp loan money to hire a bishop to exorcise these demon spirits telling you the senate should help people. let's bring him in. -bishop, whenever you're ready, perform the exorcism. -and, bishop, watch where you point that cross. the devil inside has actually been pretty good to us. -i think senator sees the light, but let's pray.

saint michael, the archangel, defend us in battle. be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. may god rebuke him, we humbly pray, and do that, o prince of the heavenly host. by the power of god, cast into hell satan and all evil spirits who wander through the world seeking the ruin of souls. -amen. -amen. -okay. let's see if it worked. senator booker, why is the filibuster the benchmark of a strong democracy? -i still, hallelujah, amen, support filibuster reform. -god damn it, bishop long, we want our money back. -this isn't like your church services. this actually matters. thank you to our analysts and democratic senator cory booker of new jersey. -thank you very much. -when "tooning out the news" returns, a project we're working on that we're very excited about, and we think you will be, too -- the coming global recession. -follow "tooning out the news" on twitter, instagram, facebook, and tiktok for exclusive content.

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♪ (eerie music) ♪ every halloween, millions of reese's cups just...disappear. don't worry. they're in a better place now. (chuckles mischievously) much better place. (vo) get the new iphone 14 pro on us. right now t-mobile is including apple business essentials (chuckles mischievously) so you can easily manage your team's devices. on the network with more 5g coverage. only from t-mobile for business. -before we go, we have an exciting project we've been working on behind the scenes and are finally ready to reveal. -everyone, please prepare yourself for your global recession. -unemployment is at record lows, and inflation is at record highs. so that means it's time for federal reserve chair jerome powell to rapidly raise interest rates and crash this economy. get excited, because this moment only comes once in a lifetime every seven years. the global elite will miss out, but you are in

for some safety net-defying, washboard-strumming fun. enjoying family time in the elevator down to the mines. asking your friend alan if he can score you a gig at the hatchery. having tons of hot sex in exchange for kerosene. and get this -- you will eat raccoon. the global recession, coming soon. -wow! -ooh! -chills. -that looks like so much fun. good night, everyone. do you think they bought it? -uh, we should probably fortify the studio just in case. -i'm a historian. you should definitely do that. good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the show. ah, the extra buttons. [audience laughs] yeah. [audience clapping] what kind of a sicko really would save these, have them in a huge file? drawers that wide. you know, you just... "where the hell is that button...?" i mean, is it that hard to get black round buttons...

[audience laughs] that they have to make it into a whole thing? like this is such a great jacket. the buttons are so unique, so one-of-a-kind. you'll never find them. we'll save you the trouble of knocking your brains out. because we know they're gonna fall off too. that's the other point that they're trying to make here.