is georgia senate candidate herschel walker, who receives a daily briefing on who he is and what he's doing here. he is currently defending brandishing a police badge at a debate in an effort to steal valor from america's most noble profession. -that's a badge that i was given by a police officer. and i do have the badge. -you have it? -i carry it with me all the time. it's a real badge. it's not a fake badge. it is a real badge. this badge gives me the right -- wait. let me finish. if anything happens in this county, i have the right to work with the police in getting things done. -if you didn't already know herschel walker was a cop, you could have deduced it from his history of domestic-violence allegations. walker is just one of the self-appointed administrators of state aggression among the majority of republican nominees, 291 in all, who have denied or questioned the outcome of the last presidential election. i assume questioning in the same way cheetahs are simply questioning a gazelle. and yet, despite these candidates' un-american tendencies, americans tend to love them,

according to cbs news polling showing them inching ahead. the good news is, if these people are in congress, they're not ruining their daughter's wedding by announcing joe biden is the antichrist. joining me now to crack a news egg in the fact flour form some truth dough, and enjoy a plate of fresh headline-ilini is democratic strategist who has talked about bill and hillary's marriage and therapy more than her own, lydia parker. -good evening. -chief washington bureau chief whose every member of his paternal line died driving a saab into a creek jonathan keene. -hello. -chief field correspondent still working on telling the difference between helicopters and big bugs james smartwood jr. -hey, dad. -hey, junior. -uh-huh. -plus, new york times columnist who sends his friends 1,200-word essays on why they should have a great birthday, charles blow. thank you for joining us, charles. -nice to be here. -charles, what is your take on this shockingly even battle for congress, keeping in mind this recording will someday be used against us in a very brief trial in a stadium? -well, i see it this way. that people cannot maintain anger and rage. and that's not political.

that's just a human psychological issue. and we realized that we had reached our max in the trump years, and we are seeing it play out again in the midterms. it's not that people don't care about democracy. it's that they cannot maintain the rage necessary to champion that cause above all else when other things feel more immediate and more urgent, like paying the bills, paying the rent, buying a new house and affording the mortgage. -i'm just so confused as to how the richest country in the world with the most powerful army in history could fall prey to a governing philosophy blending capitalism and state violence. -i don't like republicans' sudden overt push towards fascism. i prefer the more subtle creep of the past several decades. -now, i know what's going on here. every democrat is locked in some kind of hell wherein they must perpetually debate a chaos monster phantasm who they're trailing by one point. -sure. let's talk about what a republican congress would look like. georgia republican congresswoman marjorie taylor greene

took a break from mailing pipe bombs to the new york times to do a glossy interview with the new york times. she wasted no time and plunged into offering thinly veiled political threats. charles, if marjorie taylor greene's wing of the republican caucus controls the house, what can we expect besides weekly mandatory national viewings of the original "little mermaid"? -i think marjorie taylor greene understands what kevin mccarthy will have to do as much as kevin mccarthy does. he has -- if he wants to be the speaker, he has to reflect the base of the party, and the base of the party wants vengeance. and so that is what they are going to do. they are going to launch as many investigations as they can. they're going to make them as public as they can. they're going to try to make the last two years of the biden administration as embarrassing for him as they can and use that as a way

to try to win their way back into the white house. -the only way to stop marjorie taylor greene is to lay a pull-up bar in her path and hope she exercises herself stupid. -you know, i look forward to joe biden hologramming himself into multiple concurrent impeachment hearings. -that's gonna be fun for sure. wait. hold on. hey. sorry, gang. uh, sorry, charles. i just remembered that there's something i got to take care of here. -oh, what is it? what's going on? -i just -- i got my laptop stolen out of my car last night, and i got to call the police before i forget. just hold on one second here. -sure, sure. -hello? -mr. walker. hey. this is james smartwood from "big news." do you have a second to chat? -what paper are you with, now? -it's -- it's "big news." basically what i wanted to do was i wanted to report a crime. i left my window down on my car last night. someone stole my laptop out of the passenger seat, and so i'm just trying to figure out if there's any way in your -- you know, as someone who's a law-enforcement person, if there's any way you could take a look at it. -uh, i'll tell you what we'll do, is, uh --

we'll report your thing and all that -- that stuff. -mm-hmm. -i think that'd be great. but what we'll do is -- you got a number i can call? -uh, yeah, sure. one second. it's, uh... [bleep, bleep] -wait, wait, wait. let me get this down. -sure. now, i mean, if it is something you could take care of, is it something where you could go down there and kind of get some fingerprints, check out the security cameras and all that? -you said [bleep, bleep]? -mm-hmm. -okay. -uh, [bleep, bleep]. -[bleep, bleep] -[bleep, bleep, bleep, bleep] -[bleep, bleep] -but the -- you know, i'm just trying to -- the main thing, though, is i want to get to this laptop. is there any chance you could hop in the squad car, you know, flick on the siren, come down here, maybe, like, go undercover or something? -uh, what can you do? can you do anything? -no, i mean, i'm not -- i'm not actually in -- you know, i think that's -- i don't have the authority. -let me -- let me call you at this number. -that sounds great. -alright. -alright. thank you, sir. i gave him the wrong number. i don't want him

having my number. -oh, absolutely not. -now i'm gonna go see "avatar" again. i still don't get it at all. so that's all the time we have. thank you to my analysts and "tooning out the news" contributor charles blow. thank you so much, charles. -thank you. -"virtue signal" is up next. kylie, are you pretending to care about an issue for social clout even though it means nothing to you? -that's right, james. barack obama thinks democrats need to lighten up on cancel culture, but will he still think that when i enlist an army of white women to tell him that "lighten up" is a colorist insult? that's ahead on "tooning out the news."

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♪ let's get together get together yea ♪ ♪♪ -calm app. your insurance doesn't cover therapy. so try rain sounds. -tonight, barack obama says cancel culture hurts democrats' election chances, ignoring how it cuts down on choice paralysis when liberals drum candidates out of the public sphere. this is "virtue signal." ♪♪

ht anti-semitism this is "virtue signal." by donating my yeezys to mandy patinkin. top story, y'all -- future president michelle obama's husband, barack obama, can do no wrong in my eyes. that's why i stood by him during his biggest scandals -- wearing a tan suit and bombing a hospital. but i cannot support him appearing with my ear husbands, the "pod save america" boys, and denouncing liberals' most effective tool -- holding voters to a standard so high that republicans can easily limbo under it to political domination. -sometimes people just want to not feel as if they are walking on eggshells. they want some acknowledgment that life is messy and that all of us at any given moment can, you know, say things the wrong way, make mistakes. michelle talks about her mother-in-law -- her mother, my mother-in-law.

michelle points out she's 86, you know, and sometimes, you know, trying to get the right phraseology when we're talking about issues, michelle's like, "that's like her trying to learn spanish." and that's okay. -uh-wow. wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. learning spanish is not that hard. i did it during my semester abroad in..."barthelona." joining me in the echo chamber is former biden communications director who can seamlessly pivot your story about your kid's illness to the jobs report jordan polce. -good evening. -former dnc chair who thinks anyone who keeps the curtains on their bay window open after dusk is running a whorehouse charlotte fitzgerald. -hello! -and lincoln project senior advisor with eyes too small for contacts and face too crooked for glasses tory lawson. -hi, there! -okay, panel, let's just say it. obama took a direct shot at all of us here at "virtue signal." -oh, yeah, i remember that. -i do. it was disrespectful, to say the least! -you know, obama is betraying the time-honored democratic tradition of winnerless infighting.

-walking on eggshells actually feels amazing on the bottom of your feet. i did it at a retreat in big sur! -there are perfect people in this world, and you're looking at them -- except for troy. -no rebuttal here. you're looking at three angels and a sentient clogged sink. -i'm sorry to say, but, barack hussein obama, for the crime of suggesting we should focus more on fighting fascism and less on haranguing people who don't have an up-to-the-minute grasp on what twitter says the right words are, ya canceled, bish. -that's right, bish. ya canceled! -whee! whoo! -get outta here! -also, also -- michelle obama's mom... ya canceled, bish. -she canceled. -oh, yes. that one i can definitely get behind. -now, moving on, desperate republicans are reaching in the bottom of the barrel and attacking democrats on the top issue -- inflation. in response, the biden administration deployed my ride-or-die, pete buttigieg, who showed why he's transportation secretary

with a scenic roundabout answer. -our focus has been on reducing the pressure of cost of living on families. for example, take the inflation reduction act, right? part of what that does, at a time when we have pressure on people because the cost of living is going too high, is to cut the cost of things like prescription drugs. we strongly believe that we should continue in the direction of prioritizing -- not tax loopholes for billionaires, not corporate profits, but allowing americans to be able to get by with the income that they're making. -good on pete for not going after the easy target of corporate price gouging and instead of focusing on easing the burden on consumers so they have more money to be gouged. -you know, i'm glad he keeps mentioning the cost of prescription drugs because i needs my adderall, okay? i use it to barter for food and gas. -buttigieg also doesn't mention that rising interest rates will drastically slow the economy and raise unemployment.

i'm sure he's just doing that because he's so modest about how good it is. -mm-hmm. okay, look. good for the biden administration for sending out buttigieg to defend their biggest campaign weakness with as many weapons as buttigieg was allowed to carry in afghanistan. just look at how at ease he is. -for example...take the inflation reduction act. reverse that. so it's a very clear choice. it was...facing a very real risk. was even worse... was quoted to me... would make clear... [ swallowing ] the inflation reduction act. -good on pete for modeling good recession behavior by switching his diet to super-dry survival bread. when "tooning out the news" returns, "hot take" defends trump ignoring the january 6th committee subpoena like it was a missed call from eric. plus, democratic rock star cori bush. stick around! ugh! you guys. i feel kind of bad about canceling michelle obama's mom. -kylie! you gotta do you, girl!

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♪♪ -himalayan sea salt. prove it's not. -hey, it's host who puts up a fight when someone tries to clip my nails but i know it needs to be done -- tyler templeton. alongside co-host who's favorite movie genre is christian father triumphs by never changing -- bonnie davis. co-host and bone-in meatloaf inventor susan shephard... and co-host noodling on the guitar in the equinox locker room -- austin sparks. herschel walker's badge is just as real as the rice krispie crumb stuck to the back of it. this is "hot take"! ♪♪ what's up, my sand-trap nap boys? top story -- the january 6th dumb-mit-tee has subpoenaed our savior, donald trump,

a move eerily reminiscent of the romans subpoenaing jesus while he was draining ketchup onto his omelet at his bethlehem golf resort. to show he won't even dignify the proceedings with a 15-page response, president trump released a 14-page response reading... yeah, if congress had just put up some fencing, the rioters wouldn't have gotten to the other fencing they easily destroyed. now, here to discuss is democratic congresswoman and member of the missouri liberal coastal elite cori bush. her new book is "the forerunner: a story of pain and perseverance in america." what's up, congresswoman? -[ laughs ] hey, now i'm part of the coastal elite? i live in st. louis. that's missouri. it's in the middle of the country. -hey, that could be -- the middle's the coast to the coast, in a sense. anyhow, congresswoman, you're staunchly against the prison industrial complex.

are you now going to say that there should be different rules for presidents who commit crimes? -[ scoffs ] absolutely not. so, thanks to the work of the january 6th committee, that i support, under the leadership of bennie thompson, who's been doing an amazing job, we know more today about the premeditated. it was a violent supremacist attack, a white-supremacist attack on our capitol. and we know more about the role that donald trump, who is not our savior... -hosts: what?! -...played in inciting it. the work this committee has engaged in, including the subpoena requests, which we are so happy about, is important towards getting accountability. -okay, so it's okay for the left to police our speech, but it's wrong for the right to give a concussed capitol policeman a speech impediment? uh, double standard much? -trump did everything he could to reduce the violence that day. instead of letting the rioters all rip off each other's heads, he told them to focus on only ripping off his one vice president's head!

-moving on, we are 20 days from the republicans decisively taking over congress, assuming our freak candidates hold off the voices in their heads telling them to rob a bank. and the democrats are stalker-level obsessed with the abortion issue, as if it's a bad thing to hit the open road with some friends and belt out the classics to distract you from your ectopic hemorrhage. now, congresswoman, as you recount in your book, this issue is personal to you. why are democrats focused on abortion instead of bigger, unrelated issues like how inflation is making diapers unaffordable? -it's not a bigger issue. it's another issue. so, we can't get caught up in the trap of thinking that groups of voters only care about a single issue because we don't lead single-issue lives. and that's why democrats all across our country are communicating on why we're working to improve people's lives and how we're working to improve people's lives daily, while republicans are trying to divide us with one issue or another. and we know what will happen if they take power.

they could give tax cuts to billionaires. that's what they want to do. and that's policy violence. and we won't allow them to harm our communities. -i thought the democrats were all about protecting minorities, yet they lose their g.d. minds when the supreme court bravely lifts up the minority of americans who think women are sentient baby fast-pitch machines! -moving on, alex jones has been ordered to pay a billion dollars to the sandy hook families for the supposed crime of ruining their lives for profit. jones is protecting his assets by filing bankruptcy, a savvy tactic i would like to hear more about. joining me now is attorney and certified bankruptcy-law specialist mark j. marcus. welcome to "hot take." i hear you're in california. so how's the weather? nice down there? -it's nice. a little cloudy at the mome-- -i don't have time for this shit! i got real problems. if they can charge alex jones a billion for a few offhanded campaigns of terror, then i am screwed! here are a few of the things i have said.

i said michael j. fox is faking it and made coasters promoting the theory. i told everyone that butt-chugging arm & hammer laundry detergent conclusively reversed all stage-four cancers. um, i wrote that ben affleck and jlo's wedding reception featured a sick game where they killed me. so, marcus, mark, walk me through how i can bankrupt my company, slanders hero-- slander heroes. sorry. marcus, mark, walk me through how i can bankrupt my company, slander heroes llc, to protect my assets. well, it doesn't actually work like that. -shit! -any corporation can file a bankruptcy case and try to retain its assets and continue in business. it needs to, of course, follow all the rules, and creditors get to vote for or against whatever plan that you're proposing. a corporation always has to repay at least as much as the value of its assets. so you don't just get to walk away from the assets

and you don't get to just use the assets for whatever you want, like you're saying alex jones is planning on using the money to fund his, you know, "defeat the fraud" campaign, which is unlikely to be allowed in a bankruptcy-court setting. -alright. you can find mark marc at bklaw.com. which i presume is short for "burger king law." mark, thanks for the advice. and why are you still here?! go hide all my assets now! get out of here, mark! hurry! oh, my god! no! mark! go! -alright. -thank you! but get out of here! no! god! close your laptop! oh, my god. okay. thank you to my co-hosts and guest, congresswoman cori bush. thanks, congresswoman. -thank you. -now, when "tooning out the news" returns, another exclusive preview of the nut-busting, race-baiting conservative late-night show "sparks!" stick around. -follow "tooning out the news" on facebook, twitter, instagram, and tiktok for exclusive content. jimmy's johns new “all-american” beefy crunch is full of lies.

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-hey. welcome back. before we go, austin, can you give us a preview of "sparks!"? -sure can, amigo. for those who've been living under a rock, i'm also the host of "tooning out the news'" hit no-one-is-safe late-night show "sparks!"

and tonight's episode is literally off the chain. we send marco rubio to a hippie coffee shop with a kale detector. then -- sproing! it's jon gosselin's turn in the boner-mobile. finally, we're gonna make fun of a pig while it's asleep. that's tonight on "sparks!" and hey -- don't forget to subscribe to the "sparkscast" on the ear deuce radio network and leave us a five-vodka tampon review. wiki-wiki-wild! -the sound quality was all screwed up last episode, and i loved it! good night, everyone. i hosted a "photoshop jane fonda riding on epstein's plane" challenge. lot of great entries. we never should have landed a man on the moon. it's a mistake. now everything is compared to that one accomplishment. now we go, "i can't believe they can land a man on the moon, and taste my coffee!" i think we all would've been a lot happier if we hadn't landed a man on the moon. we'd go: "they can't make a prescription bottle top open easily? "i'm not surprised they couldn't land man on the moon. things make perfect sense to me now."

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