[ engine starts ] i think it's cool we live in a hot dog. we have everything we need here. we've got running water, a couch to sleep on. and most important, we have each other. weak... i live in a hot dog. ♪♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight... russia gets down and dirty.

what do you think about halloween? and diane kruger! this is "the daily show with trevor noah." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> trevor: what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you coming out in person. look at this! we are going to have a great time! take a seat, everybody. we've got a great show for you tonight. chinatown is getting a whole new meaning. elon musk is an all our dms, and ronny chieng throws eggs at halloween. so let's do this, people, let's jump straight into today's headlines. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] all right, people, i'm gonna be honest, with all the news happening right now, i don't

think we have enough space in today's show. and i tried everything. everything i could. i even tried putting all the news in a panini press and smushing it down, but it didn't work. the news just became crispier and more delicious. we still don't have enough time. fortunately, not enough time is just enough time for a segment we call "ain't nobody got time for that." [cheers and applause] all right, let's kick things off with the war in ukraine, where ukrainian forces are continuing to make gains on the ground against russia, and russia is continuing to make gains in scaring the shit out of everybody. >> tonight, vladimir putin personally overseeing moscow's first major nuclear drills since he invaded ukraine. simulating a massive nuclear strike. and for the first time, putin issuing an ominous and unfounded

warning. that ukraine plans to blow up a dirty bomb laced with radioactive material in its own territory. western allies warning russia could use such an event as a false flag, to blame ukraine for an attack that moscow carries out itself. >> a dirty bomb is not a nuclear bomb and would be less harmful. but by using conventional explosives to spread radioactive material, it's an effective weapon of terror. >> trevor: yeah, that's right, russia might be gearing up to use a dirty bomb, which is a bomb that spreads radioactive material, not a regular bomb that's into kinky shit, like you were thinking. not me. that is what you were thinking when you heard that. and right now, putin is saying that ukraine is planning to use a dirty bomb, but everyone knows that it's just a cover so that putin has an excuse to use one on them. it's so transparent, it's like a

kid going, "just so you know, mom, i heard that ukraine is gonna steal all the halloween candy you bought before you can hand it out next week. so if the halloween candy goes missing, you know who to blame." and by the way, please don't buy raisinets, ukraine doesn't like that. but transparent or not, this is pretty scary. but has russia thought this through? think about how poorly russia's entire invasion has gone. dropping a dirty bomb will probably end up backfiring on putin. "aw, shit the ukrainians have laser eyes now. shit, that's so cool. what about our soldiers, do they get powers, too?" "yes, mr. president, our men can't stop pooping. not as cool." now if we had more time, we could talk about how russia is also now threatening to shoot down american satellites that are helping with the ukrainian war effort, which would be bad news for everybody, except for space force because they'd finally have something to do, but we don't have time for that! because while russia is planning shady shit in ukraine, china is

already doing shady shit all over the world. >> the dutch foreign ministry is investigating claims that china is operating at least two unofficial police stations in the netherlands, which would breach diplomatic protocol. >> according to the allegations detailed in this report, beijing has been operating underground, undeclared policing units to carry out persuasion operations aimed at coercing those suspected of speaking out against the chinese regime to return home. >> what's happening in the netherlands might just be the tip of the iceberg. the spanish ngo safeguard defenders says it's uncovered more than 50 unofficial police stations around the world. it's found outposts in at least 21 countries including the u.k., the u.s., and many parts of europe. >> trevor: okay, if this is true, this is terrifying. can you imagine that china has a secret police force in other countries, where they harass and intimidate chinese dissidents living abroad and they try to convince them to move back to china. how does that even work?

our agents just grabbing chinese people abroad king, hey, we see what you say about china, we say one more thing about china, we will destroy you. shut up about china! by the way, would you like to move back to china? it's a great place. we miss you!" now china claims these officers are not secret police stations, they are just used for administrative purposes like giving people drivers licenses and stuff. but if that is true, why are they keeping them all secret? you don't need to be shady if you are just doing paperwork. yeah, the dmv lady is never like, "oh, you need to renew your password? be at this parking lot at 0500 hours. tell the man in the green jacket that that's on signs in november. he will give you a briefcase with your new passport and a gun. used to going to kill him. and if you don't like your picture, come back and we will retake it, okay?" now if we had time, we can talk more about how china is increasingly throwing its weight around the world or we could figure out the best way to protect ourselves from chinese

influence and surveillance, maybe we can find the answer on tiktok but we don't have the time for that because while china is spreading around the world in secret, there is an even bigger superpower who just announced her plan to dominate the globe. >> fans of superstar singer rihanna have been clamoring for new music from her for years and now it appears their wait is almost over. ♪ ♪ rihanna st shared a 152nd teasen her new title, it is for the new movie "wakanda forever," it marks her first single as a lead artist in six years for her fans. >> trevor: yes! thank you, jesus! rihanna as releasing new music. and on top of that, it is going to be part of a new "black panther" movie. are you kidding me? it will be great for us.

it will not be great for the wakandans because it will be hard to concentrate on fighting bad guys when rihanna is playing. it is time to defend our home... are you hearing this right now? are you hearing this? can you understand how big this is? rihanna plus "black panther." what? i have not experienced as much black joy since that time obama featured on that cardi b track. "wap, wap, wap, i will tell you what makes my pussy wet, voting. everybody vote." i will tell you what, you have to admit that rihanna is keeping us thirsty. we have been begging, we've been begging for an album for six years and now she's like, okay, okay, i will give you one song. we are like thank you, rihanna, thank you, just one song. now if we had the time, we could celebrate the release of this new track by listening to all of

rihanna's previous albums that we don't have the time for that because while rihanna is about to take over your spotify, another billionaire is taking over your tweets. >> one day before his expected to officially take over twitterk his previous promise to remove most moderation on the site, reassuring at her advertisers that would not become a free-for-all hell scape or anything can be said. he also visited twitter's office is carrying a kitchen sink to eating, entering twitter hq, let that sink in." >> trevor: oh oh, oh, get it? let that sink in? i know a lot of people think that was corny but i think once you have 87 children, you are allowed to make dad jokes. he can do it, it's fun, let that sink in. i want to know where he got that sink. will he get the sink? is it just the one he ripped out of the wall when the judge told him that he had to buy twitter? if anything, he is the right billionaire to make this joke,

you know come because of jeff bezos walked into amazon with a sink, his employees woule like, we are finally getting a restroom? he's like, no! go away! go away! and as for that statement, you know, to the advertisers that elon sent, i will say it is interesting to see elon go from the free-speech cowboy of the west to pandering to the advertisers and saying twitter will be a safe space for your advertising dollars. yeah. the man has owned twitter for one minute and already he's like, free speech is great but you know what else is great? money. yeah. honestly, it's embarrassing. not even one day of owning twitter and elon is already caving into the advertisers. folding like a tortilla around a crunch wrap supreme filled with steak, available only at taco bell. what a show. what a shameless, shameless

shill. now if we had more time, we could get into how twitter can try to stay relevant in the era of tiktok or how funny it would be if everyone stop using twitter and elon musk strata plus $44 billion, but we don't have the time for any of that because while twitter is entering a new phase, its top rival just got some very bad news of its own. >> meta, the parent company of facebook, reported earnings are disappointed wall street in a big way. the stock plunging more than 20% after the company revealed that it expects its loss associated with building the metaverse to keep growing. >> meta has already lost a staggering $9.4 billion on the metaverse so far this year. but mark zuckerberg is vowing to stay the course. >> look, i get that a lot of people might disagree with his investment, but people are going to look back on decades from now and talk about the importance of the work that was done here. >> not a lot of sympathy for zuckerberg but the wealth destruction across the board here, remarkable. from his peak last year,

zuckerberg is down about $95 billion. he used to be the third richest person in the world. after today, he could fall to 26 or 27. >> trevor: oh, 26 or 27th richest person in the world? disgusting. what can you buy? everything? thanks to his investments in the metaverse, mark zuckerberg has lost $95 billion in his personal wealth. if the man was capable of feeling human emotion right now, he would be stressed as hell. because keep in mind, once you fall out of the top ten, you no longer cared to go to the vip area at the illuminati. you are general admission. is a terrible view. you can't even see the virgin goat sacrifice. it's actually a goat that is a virgin sacrificing something else. before you feel bad about

zuckerberg, it's not all bad, he is down $95 billion in the real world, but in the metaverse, he is still worth 10 trillion zuck bucks, oh, yeah. i will say, kudos to mark, kudos, mark zuckerberg. a lot of people have been talking about taking down big tech for a while. but he is the only one with the balls to do it to his own company. to be the change you want to see in the world. he is the leader. now if we had more time, we could talk about how virtual reality is never really going to catch on until the hardware becomes less intrusive and cumbersome because right now, putting on one of those oculus headsets feels like i'm carrying a small child on my face. but we don't have the time for that because i must honor our sacred sponsors with this precious advertising break. we will be right back. [cheers and applause]

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for everything we need. for everything we want. for everything we do. [cheering] we're all better off with an ally. ♪♪ [cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to

"the daily show." you know, there's so much arguing in america today, but we here at "the daily show" think that there could be even more, so to do our part, here is ronny chieng with another installment of "prove me wrong." >> hyper candy, candy apples stuck in braces. except it has proved me wrong. halloween edition. ♪ ♪ halloween sucks. prove me wrong. >> but there is candy! >> ! >> it's america. there is candy every day. >> will you give me free candy? >> stop playing. >> once in your life. >> in the haunted houses. >> those are fine. >> a little nervous system. >> i can't do that on valentine's day. that's not fun. >> i don't like holidays where i sometimes shit my pants. >> that sounds personal.

>> what is the history of halloween? >> satan's party before christ comes to wiping out. >> we summon satan for halloween? think of people liking candy. >> that's how it started? >> not knowing your traditions as an american tradition. every other h holiday is scarier at that halloween. prove me wrong. >> easter? >> easter, there is a giant bunny that shits chocolate that we pick up i need. >> i think chinese new year is less scary than halloween. >> we are talking about lion dancers, people are letting off fireworks and crackers. >> i mean, you have to keep your head on a swivel and keep lighting fireworks. >> look at these other american holidays, okay? thanksgiving. genocide. fourth of july, bombs. christmas, some old guy breaks into your home and leaves shit and eat cookies. >> halloween is definitely

scarier than flag day. >> you are telling me you go down to the deep south and you have a bunch of guys waving american flags that you, you will not be a little bit scared? >> i think mother's day is less scary than halloween. >> it depends on the mother. >> i have a great mother. >> you wish he was married? >> yes. >> you still like mother's day? >> valentine's day isn't that scary. >> valentine's day, you have to put yourself out there with a valentine to tell someone that you like them with the chance that they might not like you back. that is way scarier than a bunch of kids running around dressed up as the princess from "frozen." >> imagine if you get rejected, you move on, but if you reject kids from giving them candy on halloween night, they might stay at your house for hours. >> egg your house. >> that is what i do when it's valentine's day as well. [laughter] >> scary costumes are better than sexy costumes, prove me

wrong. first of all, scary costumes, way warmer than sexy costumes. >> it is not too cold, it is fall, not winter. >> for us nonmodels, we get called when we are not wearing clothes. >> there is a price for a fashion. >> exactly. >> you get to be honestly kind of hot, period, for a night. dress up as a hot kitty cat or a hot bunny and no one gives a shit. >> yeah, this is new york city, you can dress up as a hot kitty cat all the time and a 11 give a shit. >> what about minnesota? >> if you love in minnesota, you dress up like a sexy cat, you will freeze to death. >> hoes don't get cold. >> do you think that sexy customs are better than scary costumes? >> yeah, makes everybody happy. [laughs] love is in the air. >> sexy costumes will get you laid, so. >> you know what, i think you just won the argument right there. [laughter] i think this topic is over.

i guess you should take the desk. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> trevor: thank you so much for that, ronny chieng. stay tuned. when we come back, diane kruger will be joining me on the show, so don't go away. ♪ ♪yum yum yum♪ ♪gimme some gimme some♪ ♪yum yum yum♪ ♪gimme some gimme some♪ ♪i've got all the flavors♪ ♪wrapped in pretty paper♪ ♪i'll do you a favor♪ ♪save you some for later♪ ♪ ♪yum yum yum♪ ♪gimme some gimme some♪ ♪yum yum yum yum♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an internationally renowned actor you know from films like "inglorious bastards" and "troy." she's here to talk about her new children's book called "a name from the sky." please welcome diane kruger! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> thank you. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: diane kruger, welcome to "the daily show." >> thank you, first time. >> trevor: [speaking foreign language] i don't speak french so i don't know. but you do, you are one of the more impressive actors i have ever come across in my life because not only are you and some of the most iconic films but you do it in multiple languages. so we have seen you in english films, we've seen you in german films, we've seen you in french films. i would love to know where you

are most comfortable acting, which language? >> true, i don't want to brag, but truly i am comfortable in all languages. it took me a while. it sounds like such a brag. >> trevor: no, it doesn't. >> in french, i feel like i am a little bit of a different person. i feel sweeter, i feel a little -- >> trevor: i like that. >> and german, it is definitely more to the point. >> trevor: that make sense. >> and english, it is the easiest language. >> trevor: the easiest in general? >> is used in terms that it goes fast, it is funny, it is short,k about it. >> trevor: there are many actors where they will delve the language, you're one of the few where german-speaking people love your movies in german and then french-speaking love your movies and french. it is rare to find that. and you are adding to your resume as well. when they say diane is coming out for a book, what kind of book, they say, a children's book, i cannot imagine what it would be but it is really beautiful, "a name from the sky." tell me what inspired the

writing up the book. >> i was in los angeles just for the pandemic and i was working and my mom from germany was there helping with my daughter who was about 1 at the time, and in the world shut down, and weeks turned into months, literally, and i hadn't spent as much time with my mom since i was 16. and we started talking about my childhood, and stories i heard about myself, and i remember when i was a kid, i was kind of an odd kid, that she changed my life by telling me the meaning of my name. which was quite unusual in germany -- i know that sounds strange, diane is not an uncommon name. >> trevor: you talk about that, but diane is not common in germany? >> not come in at all. >> trevor: do they say diane? >> they say it and it rhymes with banana. >> trevor: wow. even in germany, the kids are the same. >> if not worse. [laughter] >> trevor: diane the banana. i can see it. >> i started writing things down

and i thought if i felt that with a name like diane, i'm sure there's lots of kids that feel odd about their name, they feel like they don't fit in, so i started writing it down and i thought about my own daughter and how long we thought about giving her a name and that is kind of how it started. >> trevor: it is really wonderful book about belonging, about understanding where you come from, why you are special, while you are important. when you think about your life as a mom now, what are some of the things you hope to instill in your child that you wish every child should have? >> you know, i really truly believe that every child that is born as perfect as it is, right? and we all have -- i can see it in my daughter and her friends. we all have something special that is so powerful and they don't know what yet. and when i became a mom, i felt the responsibility and the opportunity to give her wings, like, to curate her world so that she can be whoever she wants to be, whether that is she can be an actor, she can sell ice cream in washington square

park. whatever makes you you is great. so i didn't -- my mom change my life when she said at 15, you can quit school and go to paris for a year. >> trevor: wow. >> she really did, she trusted me, she said, i will trust you because i was going to get kicked out of school for working as a model and my principal said -- >> trevor: way, your school is going to kick you off or working as a model? >> yeah, because i was getting jobs in paris and i was missing school. >> trevor: a german school, i am assuming? okay, yeah, that's all like a very german thing. nein, children cannot be sexy. >> my mom said, i will trust you, i know this is what you want to do, you should go. >> trevor: and you've never looked back. >> it is truly the reason why i am who i am today, the life that i have had, thanks to that, and that is one of the reasons i wrote this book is because i feel like we can make that happen for children and we

should trust them. >> trevor: i love that. how old is her daughter now? >> she just turned 4. >> trevor: she can read the book with you. she must love it. what does she think about the book that is written and inspired by her? >> a little touchy-feely. >> trevor: [laughs] >> she totally called b.s. on me being a goddess. [laughter] definitely, you are not a goddess. she was not pleased with my choice of having read she was on her dress with a blue dress and red shoes. that was a minor meltdown. >> trevor: she hated her outfit in the book? i like this already. >> yeah. now, she's 4, it is getting a little better, when i told her, i have been on this book to her and i said, i need to leave because i'm talking about your book, honey, and she started crying, she says, please don't tell my book, it is my story! i don't want you to sell it. it is cute. >> trevor: i love this, it's a wonderful story. i love seeing you express your life in a completely different way. thank you so much for joining us.

merci, gracias, danke shoen... [speaking foreign language. "a name from the sky" is available now. make sure you get it now for you and your kids. we will be right back after this. [cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause] >> trevor: that is our show for tonight. thank you so much for tuning in. before we go, i wanted to remind you that tomorrow is vote early day. so make your plan to vote early at voteearly.org. the midterm elections are approaching and the stakes are higher than they have been for generations, so please make sure that your voice counts. and by the way, we will be seeing you next week in atlanta, georgia, "the daily show" will be going there and doing a whole week of shows from one of the biggest battleground states there is. charlamagne tha god is up next. but here is your "moment of zen." >> how much do you think you can get done if you had the house on the senate moving forward? >> the first thing is, we will stop all of the bad stuff.

- les: ♪ i'm goin' down ♪ ♪ to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ - ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks ♪ ♪ without temptation ♪ - les: ♪ goin' down ♪ ♪ to south park ♪ ♪ gonna leave my woes behind ♪ - ♪ ample parking ♪ ♪ day or night ♪ ♪ people spouting ♪ ♪ "howdy, neighbor" ♪ - les: ♪ headin' on up ♪ ♪ to south park ♪ ♪ gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ - kenny: [muffled singing] - les: ♪ come on down ♪ ♪ to south park ♪ somedays, you just need it.