thanks. yeah. ok. just, just. people, i'm not going anywhere. soon, my core will get strong again. and when that happens, i'll be able-- head rush! ugh! can someone please help me? i-- hey, i'm not going anywhere. i'll be right here. oh, that's not good. hey, guys, i've got twenty bucks for anyone who will help me. kevin, would you like a pizza? ♪ ♪ >> announcer: coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight... hanging out with mike pence. the world's oldest young people. and danai gurira! this is "the daily show with trevor noah." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> trevor: what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you coming out in person. thank you for coming out! thank you for coming, everybody! we've got a great show for you tonight. take a seat, everybody. let's get into this. america denies the election deniers, lewis black exposes young people who are secretly old and if you don't like crowds, you might be living on the wrong planet. so let's do this, people. let's jump straight into today's headlines. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] all right, before we get into the big stories, let's catch up on a few other things going on in the world. starting with taylor swift. this morning, tickets went on sale for the singer's first tour in four years, and so many fans

rushed onto the ticketmaster site that it immediately crashed. no one can get tickets. yeah, ticketmaster did taylor swift so wrong, she's already put out three albums about them. they are going to learn their lesson. and look, i know everyone thinks getting these tickets is the most important thing in the world, but it's really not. if you don't get them, just relax, log off, give the site a chance to cool down and repair itself. and then, you know, don't bo bother. all right, i got mine, you can go back on, you can do whatever you want. in labor news, amazon is reportedly planning to lay off up to 10,000 employees this week, the largest job cuts in the company's history.

and i don't even know how this is possible. me and everyone i know buys something on amazon every day, and then returns it the next day when we realize we don't need it anymore, how are they not making money? and i feel for all the amazon workers getting laid off, but the silver lining is at least you can steal great shit on the way out. at most offices, you can only take a stapler, but if you get fired from amazon, you can take seven air fryers! you're walking out of the warehouse like, "my prime day came early!" in international news, europe is on high alert tonight after russian missiles aimed at ukraine hit poland instead. yeah, which apparently could trigger a full nato response. and honestly, why do these world wars always got her start in poland? it's like the waffle house parking lot of europe.

and look, i don't want to scare anyone, i don't want to scare anyone, but this could be the beginning of world war iii. i don't want to scare you, though, i'm not saying it would be, it could be. this is a good time to spend time with your family, you know? put down your phones. and just spend -- far from our, yes! i will be in the front row by myself! all right, let's move on to some of the bigger stories of the day. starting with the latest on the midterms. yes, the votes are somehow still being counted, i think election officials are using their fingers. putts but it's becoming increasingly clear that the american people, or at least the half of them who voted, have delivered a split decision, with democrats taking the senate, and republicans all but certain to win control of the house. which means that in order for america to succeed, democrats and republicans will have to work together, so america will not succeed.

you know, it's kind of a weird situation for america to be in. having a split congress is like being raised by two parents who don't see eye to eye on anything. like, one parent wants you to take ballet lessons, and the other parent thinks ballet lessons are a communist plot to turn you trans. and neither parent wants you to ask questions about who killed jeffrey epstein. but the midterms weren't just about who runs d.c., they're also about the who runs the states. and in arizona, a closely-watched governors race has finally been called. >> this morning, another major symbolic defeat for former president donald trump in the midterms. democrat katie hobbs narrowly beating republican kari lake for arizona governor. lake had been one of mr. trump's most prominent allies in the midterms and one of the staunchest supporters of his false claims denying the results of the 2020 election. lake continuing to question her

own race's results last night, tweeting, "arizonans know bs when they see it." >> trevor: yes, apparently they do! [cheers and applause] but i guess in the least surprising plot twist ever, the woman who ran on the platform of denying election results is now denying election results. anyway, i think she is relieved she lost. if she won, then she would've had to deny herself? what have shattered her reality. would have be like tlc meeting a scrub and liking him. "turns out a scrub is a guy who can get love for me? i will go chase some waterfalls." anyway, this is a lot for kari lake, so let's give her some space as she goes through the five stages of republican grief: denial, denial, denial,

pooping and nancy pelosi's office, and denial. but this result has big implications, because with kari lake's loss, every election denier running for governor or secretary of state in a swing state has now lost their races. which is huge for democracy! this is just like in those horror films, where they kill the monster, and then he never comes back again! you did it, democrats! now leave the knife on the counter and go take a sexy shower upstairs! yeah! but enough about midterms! enough about that. the campaign is over and it's time for the parties to govern. no, i'm shitting you, that's not going to happen. it's time for the parties to campaign for the next election. i don't know why but america loves campaigning. you campaign to campaign, it never ends. it's like seeing someone who is only interested in.

"you you like that? you really like that? put your clothes on and start again. what's your name? let's do that again." as everyone prepares themselves for what the 24 race will be like with trump, there is one part that will be different this time and that is one of trump's biggest ass lickers is going to be leaving his ass very dry. >> nearly two years after a mob of donald trump supporters attacked the capitol, disrupting the transfer of power and chanting "hang mike pence," trump's once-loyal vice president is finally telling his story about what happened that day. >> the president's words were reckless and his actions were reckless. the president's words that day at the rally endangered me and my family and everyone at the capitol building. >> given all that you witnessed in the capitol on that day, this is a pretty straightforward question, a yes or a no, do you believe that donald trump should ever be president again? >> david, i think that's up to

the american people, but i think we'll have better choices in the future. >> trevor: oh, yeah, good for mike pence! telling donald trump, "you almost got me and my family killed, which is why i'm now prepared to say that it's possible there are better alternatives to you in the next election, although that decision will be up to the american people" -- you tell him, mike pence! ooh, you tell him! for real, man, it's a simple question, do you support trump or not? i can't believe mike pence is the one leaving us hanging. and i know why he's doing this, right? he doesn't want to go too hard against trump, because he's still hoping to win over trump's voters if he runs for president, which is so delusional. trump's people were the ones who wanted to kill him! the only reason they would elect him president is so they could

know for sure where he lived! why would they vote for you? even if that strategy works, it still makes him a punk ass bitch. it does. [cheers and applause] i'm sorry, but this is not the type of man you want leading the united states. if pence was president, forget china, canada would be invading. "oh, sorry, we're just gonna take oregon, eh? just seems too easy, sorry!" let's move on to some international news. if you're going through a break-up, your friends might be telling you to that there are lots of people out there. and they're right. in fact, they're more right than ever before. >> there is a new milestone in human development as the world population is expected to reach 8 billion today. it is due to the public health,

medicine, and high levels of fertility in some countries. 100 years ago according to the u.n., the global population was 2 billion or under. >> trevor: hell yeah, 8 billion people, everybody! 8 billion people on earth! i didn't need the u.n. to tell me that. i could already tell there were 8 billion people because every single one of them was ahead of me for taylor swift tickets in line. and i am proud, i am proud of all of us, people, because it say what you want about the human race, one thing is for sure, we are [bleep]. yeah. congratulations to everyone for smashing. and yes, some people are working harder than others but the rest of us deserve some credit too. i kind of wish that the u.n. didn't even announce this because it feels like bragging. yeah, i feel like

covid is gonna see we just hit a new population milestone and be like, i saw them hit 8 billion i took that personal. i might come back." by the way, i get now why the united nations never actually does anything. people are like, "can you maybe stop the war in ukraine?" and they're like, "sorry, we're kind of busy. 7 billion, 200 million and one, 7 billion, 200 million and two. 7 billion -- a lot of people are worried that 8 billion people is too much and that we need some way to control overpopulation. i find it interesting that those people never think of themselves as part of the problem. they're always like, "earth is too crowded, we got to get rid of some of these people!" "how about you? you're people." "well, no, not me, i meant like, china or something..." and honestly, i don't think it's a problem, i think we can handle the earth's population if we do a better job distributing its resources. [applause] but if are going to reduce the

population, i think the smartest way to do it is to just get rid of identical twins. no, because it's a waste. it's a complete waste. we already have one of you. it's like having two copies of the same picture on your phone. just delete one, easy. don't twist my words, don't get it twisted, i don't want to hear identical twins being like, "oh, trevor, are you saying you're going to kill my brother?" no, i'm not saying that! i'm saying you have to. [applause] all right, that's it for the headlines, but before we go to a break, it's time to check in on the weather forecast with our very own desi lydic. [cheers and applause] desi, good to have you back. seasons are changing, so what is the weather looking like? >> i don't know, trevor, it's

cold. it's cold outside, cold out here, you can't escape it. although your nippes are trying to. i can see them through their shirt. >> trevor: why would you tell the people that? >> you know why, trevor? it is the truth. and if there is one thing that we learn from the bedrooms it is the power of telling the truth. the candidates who lied about the election, they lost, and once you tell the truth, won. from now on, i am addicted to telling the truth. and also shoplifting. which i needed to say because i am now telling the truth. >> trevor: now i feel like i shouldn't be wearing that watch that you got me for my birthday. >> no, don't worry, i didn't shoplift that. i found it in ronny's' dressing room. here's another truth. katie hobbes' victory was not just a win for truth, it was a win for women. now there are a record 12 women governors serving at the same

time! 12! 12! out of 50! that is almost half of half. and only one of them almost got kidnapped last year. we are doing it, ladies! yeah. >> trevor: yeah, you know, hopefully, what happened in arizona leads to more politicians telling the truth. >> exactly. we even saw mike pence coming around to the truth today. he won't admit that his body is 70% mayonnaise yet but he did come out and say that he doesn't like when people try to hang h him. so brave of him to speak his truth while promoting a book, you know? this just goes to show that people need to stand up to their beliefs and tell them the truth. speaking of which, trevor, you got anything you want to say to me, you little bitch? >> trevor: no, ma'am.

>> no. that's what i [bleep] thought. that is what i [bleep] thought. [laughs] it's funny. i am the bully here. i laugh at you. >> trevor: sorry. >> i just want to say, as long as we are telling the truth, i'm going to tell one of the hardest truths of all. right here on the air tonight in front of 8 billion people. i assume they all watch. trevor, i don't know how to do the weather. i don't. i really don't. [applause] think you. they get it. thank you. i don't know what a low pressure system is, i don't know how tornadoes work, what even is a windchill? does it make us cold or is it the wind that is cold? i don't know? >> trevor: well, as long as we are all telling truths, desi, we

all knew you couldn't do the weather. >> what did you say to me, bitch? >> trevor: nothing, nothing, desi lydic, thank you for the weather, desi. i appreciate you so much. when we come back, lewis black is going to expose young people who are faking being old, so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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harvey denies any allegation of assault. but he is aware of complaints about his treatment of women and he is working on that. do you want to expand on that? we have decades of accusations of harassment, assault. weinstein, knows what we're doing. every call you make is being recorded. this is bigger than weinstein. this is about the system, protecting abusers. this is all going to come out.

[cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." when a news story falls through the cracks, lewis black catches it for a segment we call "back in black." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> as a man in the entertainment industry, i do everything i can to cling to youth, like a 60-year-old tom cruise clinging to the side of a helicopter. oh, and don't tell the casting people at "euphoria" that i'm not actually in my early 20s. i'm up for a juicy role as zendaya's little brother. wish me luck! but lately i've been noticing a new trend: young people are starting to act like older people.

it's subtle, but once you notice it, you start seeing it everywhere. especially if you're at dinner at 4:00 pm. >> it's the early bird special for young folks. the elderly have long been the butt of jokes about early bird dining. but now a younger generation is embracing the early bird special. >> the busier times use to start at 8:00 p.m. but nowadays, it is definitely starts earlier side. >> a pizza joint in lower manhattan is also booking tables earlier and earlier. just look at all these early bird reservations. >> with so many people working from home during the pandemic, employees are eager to get out of their homes as soon as the workday ends, which is definitely contributing to the shift. >> are you shitting me? young people stealing all the early bird reservations? seniors need those spots! they have to be in bed by 7:30

or else all their organs slide into their ankles. this has to end, though. old people eating early as part of the social contract. old people get the early restaurant spots. in exchange, young people get to not watch old people eat. it's about privacy. old people don't walk into your bedroom and watch you have energetic, robust sex! they watch through the window, because they respect boundaries! and it's one thing for young people to claim seniors' restaurant reservations, but now they're claiming something even more sacred: the discounts. >> one surprising trend now among young people, signing up for benefits from the aarp. "the wall street journal" finding 20-somethings as new card carriers in an effort to snag discounts amid inflation, showing it's not just for the 50 and older crowd. >> in my head, it was always something for senior citizens.

>> 28-year-old marissa schwartz says she learned a lot about aarp benefits through tiktok, and couldn't help but join in on the savings. >> contrary to popular belief, you can be any age to join aarp. the benefits are awesome. >> back the [bleep] off! old people earned those aarp memberships! -- those aarp memberships fair and square, by not dying. and a bad economy is no an excuse. did i horn in on a senior citizen discount to get me through the great depression? no! because i wasn't alive during the great depression, you assholes! how old do you think i am? you're gonna blow my shot at "euphoria"! i just hope these underage aarp members don't find out the secret perks of the card.

i don't want to brag, but i can shoplift as much as i want, and if i get caught, i flash this and they assume i'm just senile and let me go. [laughs] [applause] you thought i was just a deranged man, but now i've got a free giant bag of bird seed, suckers! i don't even have a bird! all that seed is for me! who's the deranged man now? but i get it, it is fun to eat early and get discounts on catheters. but there's one aspect of elder culture that the youth should avoid: getting scammed. >> from tiktok to instagram, teens are being victimized on every day apps.

in fact, a new study finds some tech savvy gen zers are falling for online scams at a higher rate than their grandparents. a study from social catsfish shows the top scam targeting teens are sex-tortion plots against boys. the fbi says scammers pose as attractive women on social media and send nude photos to the victim demanding they do the same and send them money. talent scout scams are also on the rise. users on instagram and tiktok receive dms offering modeling and acting opportunities. scammers then ask for a fee to apply. but of course, there is no talent job in sight. another common scam is student loan forgiveness. scammers are creating fake student loan websites, tricking people into providing their bank info. >> [laughs] who's bad at technology now, you pimply little [bleep]s! but look, if a guy who was already recently a teen boy

-- wink -- i sympathize. if i had tiktok in my youth, my brain would also be a gullible bowl of horny porridge. but still, i'm worried about where this acting older trend can go. what's next? stealing all the best rooms at the retirement community? overcrowded bingo halls? quitting your steady job behind a desk before you're even 40? can you even imagine doing something that crazy, trevor? [cheers and applause] anyway. here is something i came up with federal help the kids from getting screwed. take a look. >> hi, i'm lewis black. are you an overconfident gen z? then you need lewis black scamseeker. that is obviously a scam. look at her, now look at you.

how is that happening? danger is everywhere online and no one tells you that life sucks, good things don't just fall into your lap, and nothing ever works out for the best. >> this will forgive my student loans if i just fell out of my social security number. >> scam. you will be paying those until death. read a newspaper! >> was a newspaper? >> look, today's youth need a reality check. using self-esteem is to dangerous numbers of gullibility. >> for 50 bucks, i can addition for "riverdale." >> that's a scam, got on helen, no charisma, you are a hack. >> thanks, lewis. >> shut up! sign up for scamseeker's today. >> do i give you my credit card number? >> let me just take the card, you can trust me, and so can y you. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: lewis black, everybody! all right, stay tuned because when we come back, dani gurira

will be joining me on the show. you don't want to miss it. [cheers and applause]

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>> hey, hey, hey. >> watch yourself. come on. >> it's all right, princess. >> small, small girl. i am going to give you two options. you can come to wakanda conscious or unconscious. >> you need to be conscious of the way, walking around with that ash on your head. >> it's funny? >> no, it's not. >> i told you! >> trevor: please welcome danai gurira! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ danai gurira, welcome back to "the daily show." >> thank you, it's amazing to be back. >> trevor: it's amazing to have you here, especially on the heels of yet again one of the most successful films to come

out. the last i checked, "black panther" grossed 330 or 40 million, everyone is loving the movie, people are loving you in the movie, i just watched it a few days ago, and i know i am biased because you are sitting here with me, but i think you had some of the funniest lines in the film. i also think you had some of the baddest, like, amazing fight scenes and choreography. how does it feel? this was such a long project. there were so many ups and downs. there was a pandemic, there was the unfortunate loss of chadwick, everything came together to create this moment. have you taken a moment to process it all? >> thank you, not yet, not yet, i'm getting there. but it has been an amazing journey, and a tremendous one, a painful one, an intense one, you know, starting from the beginning when we tragically lost our brother and our king, our leader, chadwick, really coming back was all about honoring him. so really, it was -- ryan always mentions a line my characters as

witches, "i gave everything." we basically came back, it was about giving all we had to this, and honoring him, and so to have it come to a place where people are enjoying it this much and responding to it this well, it just feels very full circle in the sense that the goal was to honor him at the way ryan beautifully arced it to be something that honored him, which involves i think something that i think he would love which is that it is a full experience as well. >> trevor: it really is. >> walk through our grief with us. >> trevor: i noticed people crying in the cinema, obviously people were cheering, people were laughing but it reminded me of what you want movies to become an experience. it was an authentic experience. i enjoyed seeing how both the audience and then i felt like the cast had an experience of catharsis that everyone got to say goodbye in a different way, everyone got to go through that. you know, when you look at this

journey, you look at how "black panther" has reshaped how we see superheroes, people have talked about how diversity has never been the same on screen, this is the first woman black-led film that marvel has ever put out and it is crushing it, people are loving it, and it is huge, it's momentous. >> that just means so much to hear because it is really something that i grew up -- the other big thing is it is also african. i grew up next door to you in zimbabwe. i hope it's not too painful. we are working on it. >> trevor: i appreciate it. i was laughing, you chose one of the hardest languages to just toss out. first of all, it's an african language. what if we added clicks into it as well? i think the cast does really well, not just with it but you have some -- you could take it in the movie. i will not spoil the plot for anyone, so if there is gaps come i'm doing it on purpose. you have a movie that now isn't just talking about the african diaspora around the world, you

are also in this conversation about where we have come from as peoples in south america and central america, and it is all coming together in a really gripping way. >> the beauty of it is the aspect of their shared that africa could have with that part of the world, which as we both went through a lot -- imperialism. we both went through colonization, we both lost indigenous cultures, lost a lot through that very wretched process. and so it is actually this week claiming that we are getting to see these two cultures mirror each other as they do that. wakanda has kept it and protected it and so has them. so it is this beautiful reflection on each other which i think it is impressive really, really exciting. >> trevor: your character shines. some of my favorite lines, jan you the movie, are yours, here is the thing, we met you as this bad ass on screen, kicking ass,u

have to be to be the bodyguards for the "black panther"? that scene of you in the casino, that first fight scene where everyone is like, who are you? and your character comes back, the fight scenes are even more intense, there's parts where you are fighting in the water. where you actually doing that by the way? >> yes. i have a little bit of a torn muscle in my shoulder to prove it. it is all good now, it is he healed. >> trevor: okay, like i'm a water fight. >> my character, the key thing, the stuff on the bridge, i had to. there is no way -- to me, it is like, how do i do the role? she is a warrior. i was coming from "walking dead." "walking dead" was like to get out there and do that, go out there and be somebody. like, get it done. i was used to getting out there and getting it done. really acquainting myself with a weapon and we did that so hard in the first one, so in the second one, there was no exception, i had to do my

fights, learn my fights, and it is a lot of work. there is no way around the work. but to me, that is how you become the character. you can't know okoye outside of how she knows how to fight. >> trevor: it is a part of who she isn't a part of who you are. >> i had to win, that was my thing. i couldn't not win. >> trevor: general okoye, this is you. >> you might be right. >> trevor: we see your character on the journey -- i won't spoil it -- but we see on your character's journey is her grappling with the idea that she is not in control. her grappling with the idea that she cannot protect everybody, including herself, her grappling with the idea of failure, which is such a personal experience for anybody to share first of all, but it's also vulnerable to have. i am not what everybody needed me to be, and you felt that pain in your character. >> yeah, that is what i loved about how ryan bifurcated the grief process in different characters and my character, she just doesn't really take care of

herself that way, so to actually have to get confronted with it that way was the only way she was really going to be because she is so -- i have to take care of everybody else, have to make sure -- she has the country on her shoulders, have to keep it protected and secure, have to keep the family protected and secure that she feels she is a part of, so the lines are all blurred between her job and her personal experiences of losing her brother and taking care of his family. so it is definitely that sort of aspect of not being able to hold everything down and not being able to process her pain and grief for herself. >> trevor: can i just say, on behalf of everybody who was a massive fan of the first film, thank you for what you put into the second one. thank you for making it the film but it is, for not cutting corners, for representing everyone on and off the screen, i appreciate you so much. thank you for joining me on the show. >> thank you, always a pleasure. >> trevor: danai gurira, everybody. we have to take a quick break. we'll be right back after this. thank you, for real.

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[cheers and applause] >> trevor: well, that's our show for tonight, thank you so much for tuning in. but before we go: please consider donating to los angeles regional food bank. they collect nutritious food and other products from hundreds of resources to distribute them to people experiencing nutrition insecurity. if you can support their work, please donate at the link below. until next time, stay safe out there and remember: there may be 8 billion people on this planet, but there is only seven of you. now, here it is. your "moment of zen." >> when i was trying to get him to date me, first thing i did, i let the air out of her tires. as someone who knows suburban women better than anybody. >> there was a woman -- i'm not going to describe her too in detail -- but she had tattoos

and she was not attractive. something sexy about that fat seal. >> have not seen a lot of sexy fast food. talking about wendy, the redhead from the burger joint? if my phillies. i just want to thank you for sending us less porn. if you keep dancing like this, i might vote for hillary. charlie sheen said, was up and ask him why he had prostitutes, i don't pay them to have sex with me, i pay them to leave. i think i have a really good year for ♪♪ -campbell's soup. on a mission to rehabilitate the word "chunky." -tonight on "tooning out the news'" special coverage of the 2022 midterm election, in a shocking twist, voters decide the future of democracy is more important than slightly cheaper eggs. cbs news' weijia jiang joins us.

-plus, democratic congressman ro khanna on how democrats are adjusting priorities now that lauren boebert can't force them to recite the qanon pledge every morning. -and austin sparks hosts a roundtable featuring pro-life men debating whether a fetus is alive while using a fetus' level of brain activity. -here with analysis is conservative "hot take" host who's had his arms reattached six times due to chainsaw-juggling mishaps tyler templeton. -democratic strategist who only uses the word "genius" to describe pete buttigieg's barber lydia parker. -princeton history professor highlighting 300 pages of unbound paper on the subway dr. ike bloom. -chief field correspondent singularly holding up the dinosaur-shape chicken-nugget industry james smartwood jr. -and at the big board, senior political analyst currently realizing this life doesn't make him happy ted jaworski. -our "tooning out" special coverage begins right now. -from comedy central, this is "tooning out the news" election 2022: someone give a beto a netflix deal already.

-i'm co-anchor who gets off on ordering highly rated sweat-wicking cycling apparel james smartwood. -and i'm co-anchor who thinks the midterms are my super bowl, but i also love sports -- kylie weaver. -well, tonight, democrats are gleeful as the red wave turned out to be as strong as the flow of oxygen to herschel walker's brain. -republicans are leading the battle for the house, but the senate remains in the balance as the nation considers whether the imagined fears of suburbans moms outweigh the real fears of being forced to be a mom. -an emboldened president biden held a press conference to take credit for helping democratic candidates by never coming within 50 miles of their campaign events. -let's bring in cbs news' senior white house correspondent and "tooning out" contributor weijia jiang. thanks for joining us, weijia. -great to be with you, kylie. and hello to everybody. -hello! -weijia, what was the key to the biden administration turning in such an unexpectedly strong performance? was it a mistake for republicans to nominate one candidate for each disorder in the dsm-5? -the white house has said from the very beginning that this is not a referendum on president biden.