tv The Daily Show With Trevor Noah Comedy Central December 7, 2022 1:15am-2:00am PST
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on the bottom of it. -do you ever have any trouble? -no. do you have a... [sensually] ketchup secret? no... ...don't have a ketchup secret. [giggles] because, um... if you do have a ketchup secret, i would really, really like to know what it is. [all chuckling] field of vision, huh? living with plaque psoriasis? otezla can help you achieve clearer skin. don't use if you're allergic to otezla.
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christmas trees try so hard. lights, ornaments, and lil choo choo trains. c'mon. the best trees, they kinda only need two things. peanut butter and chocolate. not sorry. reese's. there's always a fresh deal on the subway app. like this one! 50% off?! that deal's so good we don't even need an eight-time all-star to tell you about it. wait what? get it before it's gone on the subway app!
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how's everything? -mm! -really good. this pasta primavera is fabulous. very tasty. how'd everything go with that nbc guy? -great. -the pilot's back on. in fact, elaine's going out with him tomorrow night. hey, listen, elaine. you know, if russell mentions anything about the pilot, you'll, of course, tell him how much you liked it. you know, i happen to have the script right here with me, and, uh... [clears throat] on page three, for example, suppose the elaine character comes in wearing, uh... a low-cut dress. and the butler is very distracted and can't work. uh, that kind of comedy, -that's a little broad for us. -nyah... well, i'm sure it's right up russell's alley.
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well, it's a funny idea. -it's funny. -come on, funny is funny. -funny is funny. -yeah. we're here to entertain, right? -[laughing] -all right. well, maybe i'll mention it to russell tomorrow night. -if you can. -yeah. where's he taking you, by the way? bouchard's on 53rd. [coughing] i think what he's trying to say is, "get the bouillabaisse." ♪ ♪ >> announcer: coming to you from new york city, the only city in america, it's "the daily show." tonight... wage theft in america.
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michael strahan. and sheryl lee ralph! this is "the daily show with trevor noah." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> trevor: what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in. thank you coming out in person. thank you for being here, everybody. thank you so much for being here. take a seat, take a seat. we have got a great show for you tonight. the world cup is continuing its run of upsets, mozzarella sticks are getting sued, and we will give you yet another reason to hate your boss. plus, we have a have to go fantastic guests joining us on the show. nfl legend michael strahan is going to be here! [cheers and applause] and one of the stars of "abbott elementary," sheryl lee ralph is going to be here! [cheers and applause] let's do it, people.
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let's jump straight into today's headlines. [cheers and applause] all right, before we get into the big stories, let's catch up on a few other things going on in the world. starting off with the world cup. in today's knockout games, portugal absolutely obliterated switzerland 6-1. yeah. and after this match, i guess we see why switzerland doesn't get involved in wars. but the major world cup news today is how the north african nation of morocco pulled an upset against powerhouse spain. and i know this will not make up for the fact that spain once colonized a part of morocco but it goes a long way, it really does. and in international news, the government of indonesia has just officially banned all sex outside of marriage. yes. [boos] with a penalty of up to one year is prison.
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that is going to make for some weird conversation and indonesian prisons. you know? "i'm in here for murder. what are you in for?" "a mediocre night with jason." oh, and in some major legal news, the trump organization has been found guilty of 17 counts, and other financial crimes. and you know what that means? donald trump is going to prison! [cheers and applause] to visit all the lower ranking people that did this without his knowledge or permission. because we all know that is how this works in the world, right? all the successes and trump's organization, they are due to te genius of donald trump. all the crimes, he had no idea. "that's right, folks. i have zero control over the things i love. which is why you should vote for me to run the country so i can run it like one of my companies, which i don't even run.
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i don't even run." [cheers and applause] speaking of crime, let's move on to our main story. in the run-up to the midterms, one of the major issues for voters across the land was crime. in fact, any time you turned on the news, you are bound to see stories like this. >> business owners across the country are stepping up security as they report brazen shoplifting. we have all seen the videos. >> shoplifting at supermarkets across the usa is out of control. >> handbag hall. the brazen bandit who cops say walked out with all of these stolen handbags. >> shoplifting epidemic highlighted by this viral video at a walgreens last week. >> shoplifting is up 300% as video of brazen thieves leaving with their arms laden with stolen merchandise continue to shock all americans. >> shoplifting has gotten so bad this year, rite aid is
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considering literally putting everything behind showcases. >> trevor: yeah, you hear that? shoplifting has gotten so bad that they are locking everything behind showcases. the person who unlocks the showcase? they are locked behind the showcase too. now you are screwed. but are you going to do? yes, almost every day, everyday on the news, we see these horrible stories about people blatantly breaking the law and stealing what doesn't belong to them. and i don't care what anyone says. there is zero excuse for shoplifting. zero excuse. even in instances where you find yourself waiting in line forever and there is a six open registers but the store only decided to hire one cashier which makes you feel like they are taunting you, show you how fast it could be with eight or so it wanted to be. you think you will use the self checkout but there is an error because he didn't put the item in the bagging area or you put it into early or too late at night you have to wait for the supervisor to come over and asked, are you trying to buy this? no, i just enjoy holding shampoo beer that is what i'm doing here. yes, i'm trying to buy this.
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and then, instead of helping you out, they give you that look like, and then they waved a magic key thing and then even in that instance, it is not justified. even when they justified, it is not justified to steal. what if i told you that the biggest theft isn't people stealing from companies. what if i told you the biggest theft is companies stealing from people? you might ask how or why? well, let's find out in another installment of "if you don't know, now you know." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] when you take a job, you're making a simple agreement with your employer. you do the work, they give you pay. that's a foundation that jobs are built on yet all over the country, all over the world, employers aren't holding up their end of the deal. >> imagine working and never getting paid. it's a growing problem called wage theft. >> wage theft occurs when a worker is paid less than they're legally entitled to. such as when they're denied pay for working overtime or work off
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the clock without getting paid or are denied legal meal breaks. >> 67 letter carriers say their paychecks were changed to make it look like they worked less hours than they actually did. >> workers at hardee's and carl's jr. have filed hundreds of federal and state complaints, including allegations of wage theft, manipulated over time and unfair labor practices. >> about are saying chipotle forced them 10,000 people to work off the clock to boost the bottom line. chipotle's timekeeping system >> more than car thefts, burglaries, and other larcenies combined. that's right, the costliest crime in the united states is actually being committed by corporations. so i guess instead of following black people around the store, security guards should be hovering over ceos of their desk. we should be looking over them. be like, i need you to go ahead
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and put that salary back where it belongs. "oh, sorry, didn't see that i had that." "i bet you didn't." i bet we can all agree that nobody should be doing work that they are not getting paid for. because that's not a job, now you are volunteering at a fast food restaurants. who would do that? who is there like, oh, me, i'm not in it for the money, admitted for the love of childhood obesity. [laughs] by the way, wage theft isn't just when companies don't pay employees for the work they have done. in some instances, employers find release. 20 ways to make their employees pay them. for example, there was a restaurant owner who confiscated his employees' tips at the end of their shift and called it, i swear to god, a "cleaning fee." the nfl oakland raiders would dock their cheerleaders' pay for shit like wearing the wrong color nail polish. but this example of creative wage theft might be my favorite of all. >> this is fantasy gentlemen's club in grand junction and this
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is the 24 page class action lawsuit claiming... >> fantasy gentlemen's club has been exploiting these workers for years. >> among other charges, dancers accused the club of cutting into their take-home pay with excessive fines. $50 if dancers don't share tips with the dj and security. 100 bucks to change the schedule. there's even a fine for complaining to customers about their personal lives. >> trevor: i'm sorry, what? this is the biggest bullshit it all. you can't find strippers for complaining to customers about their personal lives. first of all, how can you even tell that they are complaining and not risk singing along to the drake song that is playing? you don't know, you don't know. second of all, if strippers couldn't complain about their lives, how they be able to convince customers then spending more than they can to save them from their life? "if you say that we go to their champagne room, then you will move to me with chicago?" there's a lot of reasons businesses are able to get away with this. first of all, wage theft tens of
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target people at the least ability to fight back. hourly workers and undocumented immigrants, making it worse, the government agencies who are supposed to be the watchdogs against wage theft are understaffed and underfunded. oh, and when companies do get caught stealing, here is what happens to them. >> they've agreed to pay $26 million to settle accusations of wage theft. it follows a long-running class action lawsuit at corporate-run locations in california. >> the u.s. labor department says walmart will pay $4.8 million in back wages and damages to more than 4500 employee's. >> amazon agreed to pay $8.2 million to settle a wage theft lawsuit, and krispy kreme was ordered to pay workers more than $1.1 million, after investigators found widespread and systematic failure to pay workers what they were owed to. >> trevor: that's so strange. all of this theft occurred, but there was no mention of anyone going to jail.
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but then, how will they learn their lesson? oh, and before you say, "but trevor, you can't put a corporation in jail," says who? they always say corporations are people so why doesn't america treat them like american people? huh? every time, every single time a company gets busted stealing their workers wages, they should the company headquarters should be taken to prison. the actual headquarters should be put in prison. you hear that, amazon, same day delivery will be a lot harder when you have to smuggle a air butthole fire in your. even though it is all too easy for customers, it has been one of the things driving the increase. california has passed a law that for the first time anywhere in the country, wages and payment rules for all fast food workers will be sent to not by employers come about by accounts council of experts appointed by the state. yes.
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a counsel of fast food experts. so finally, a government job that trump is actually qualified for. but for some workers, waiting for the bureaucracy of the courts or the government to intervene just takes too long which is why one construction worker in england expressed his anger in a more physical way. >> a row over 600 pounds that will end up costing so much more to put right. this construction worker was so angry at allegedly not being paid, that he took drastic action, driving a mini excavator into the newly finished hotel that he'd help build. >> trevor: okay, okay, i know this seems bad, but is it? because the guy did the work. didn't get paid. then he undid the work. seems like a fair deal to me. and it reminds me of a very wise thing my grandfather you should only. he would say "remember, trevor,
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if you want to screw someone over, make sure they don't own a bulldozer first." and yet my grandfather was nelson mandela. he was indeed. so the next time you turn the tv on and see all the news about people shoplifting from drugstores, before assuming there is a crime, maybe, just for a moment think that they could just be getting their wages back in a different way. and if you don't know, now you know. before we go to a break, it's it's time to check in on the weather forecast with our very own desi lydic. desi! what's happening in the weathe? >> i don't know, my wi-fi is down so my weather app doesn't work. you know, trevor, it is interesting, you are going on and on about the epidemic of wage theft. meanwhile, ignoring the wage theft going on right in front of you. >> trevor: no, desi, what are you talking about?
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you are getting paid. >> welcome assure. may be for doing the weather. >> trevor: actually, you never do the weather. >> but there is a ton of other stuff that i do that i'm not compensated for. like, i spent hours of the workday selling my bathtub kombucha on at the end i haven't seen a dime from this show. >> trevor: that is not wage theft. we are not paying you to do that. >> exactly. you are not paying me to do that. and it's how i spend most of my time in the office at work. but it's fine. don't worry. you will read it all about it in the lawsuit. >> trevor: wait, wait, you are suing me? >> yeah, no, it's been a long time coming. because i work very, very hard at this show. do you know i have never once been paid overtime for organizing the office supplies and putting them neatly in boxes and taking them home to my apartment? >> trevor: you steal office supplies? >> well, not to mention all the hours that i spend taking the laser out of the laser printer. >> trevor: desi, that's not
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even how the laser printer works. >> well, i know that now but are not getting that i'm back. >> trevor: okay, desi, number this is actually wage theft. you know that. >> i'm sorry, who made you judge judy? >> trevor: i didn't want to do this -- i didn't want to do this. i don't think you are going to want a wage theft lawsuit because i have a solid year of video evidence of you never actually doing the weather, which is your actual job. >> oh, okay, okay, is that how it's going to be? you want to play hardball? fine, i get it. >> trevor: desi, look, i'm sorry that you feel that way. i'm sorry that you feel that way. i'm just saying, if anything, it sounds like you were the person who is stealing from the place that pays your wages. so i don't think taking this case to the court is the right idea. it's like -- it's one of those things -- desi? desi, what are you doing?
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desi. >> yeah! [cheers and applause] you had your chance, trevor. now it is time for bulldozer justice! and by the way, i'm charging extra for this. >> trevor: don't do it. desi, no! desi, no! all right. we are going to take a quick break. desi lydic, everybody! when we come back, the legendary michael strahan will be joining us on the show, so don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> trevor: donald jumanji trump. donald "you're making me crazy" trump. 5d, 6g, then there is kenny g. hunter biden's laptop exposed the whole restaurant hoax, the election was rigged.
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my favorite topic. let's talk about it. if you stole my idea! and by the way, stealing stuff is also my idea! read the news! read it and weep. move those classified documents so i can illegally hide them from the fbi. but first! but first, let's all wave at that blinking red light and to let our names donald j. trump. let our names donald j. trump. the j
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"fox football." he's here to talk about a new podcast he's produced called "american football: how the gridiron was forged," which is now streaming on audible and wherever you get your podcasts. please welcome michael strahan! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> what's up, everybody! tell me one thing. i just want to say you are brilliant. [cheers and applause] you are brilliant. >> trevor: thank you. >> and you know, you are going to be -- if you ever get tired of not doing this, my living room is always open. come over anytime. >> trevor: that would be so much fun. you are not paying me. [laughter] that would be fun. i would do that. "the daily show" for one person at their house. that is actually an idea, i will do individual shows. >> i like that. >> trevor: just addressing it to you. but first, michael, let's kick
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things off. you can even ask questions. welcome to the show. if you like you make that offer to me but you wouldn't have the time for me to come to your house and do that because there are few people i know who have more jobs than you do. you retired from football to do everything else. to do everything else. [laughs] >> i retired to get more jobs. >> trevor: that is essentially what you did. you are working in television, all types of television, morning television, sports television, you've got a clothing line, you've got a skincare line now, we've got a podcast. let's are to the podcast because that is one of the newest aspects of what you are doing. talk me through the history of the nfl. so many sports are popular. football has a special place in america. what do you think it is about football that makes it what it is in american history? >> it is violent. >> trevor: [laughter] >> i'm joking, man. it is controlled aggression. i call it controlled aggression. i think we love football so much because in american football,
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the podcast, it goes back to the origin of the game, and football was a white-collar sport back in the day. >> trevor: i was shocked to find that out. >> they wouldn't let the blue-collar guys play, so they created there only to compete and now it has turned in, it is blue-collar guys playing and getting paid white-collar salaries. if you think about how the game has changed. but we don't back into things that i didn't know about the game of football. i just kind of assumed, i'm a player, i love the game, but when you go back and look at the origin, how we found it and the way that they had to go and get around the system to create some of these teams, and to have them come in and narrated, who were a part of two football dynasties, it was a dream project for me. without the nfl, i wouldn't be sitting here with you. it gave me a completely different life than i ever expected. but to dive back into the history of the game and understand how far it has come or where it began and it is totally different than what i expected, i hope people will tune in so that they can learn a little bit more about what we love so much, which is american
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football. >> trevor: what i left about the podcast as it is not just about the sport. if you don't like this part, the podcast is still amazing, delves into history, delves into classism, who has and who doesn't come who should and who shouldn't, it's a fascinating story. as you talk about the progression of football, made me wonder, you are one of the few people who has had the spanish career that you have had in football, playing for 15 years. >> 15 years. >> trevor: that is insane. >> tell me about it, it's crazy. >> trevor: i would love to know, someone who witnessed the game up close for my 15 years, would you change anything about football now, if you could? if you could wave a magic wand and change three things about football tomorrow, what with a b? >> i would wave a magic wand and make it so that i could play for a lot longer. [laughter] >> trevor: you would go back. >> you know what you miss? you miss physically dominating another man. >> trevor: okay, okay.
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someone is going to cut that sentence and to take it of context. [laughter] i love it. [laughter] i am just loving him as hard as i can! >> but i do miss that. i miss the competitiveness of it, i miss the physicality. i would probably wave a magic wand and -- i like what they are doing when it comes to injuries and the brain and all these different things. i like what they are doing there. there is not much -- i don't know how much you can change the game because i feel like in some aspect, you change it so much, takes away from what it was. >> trevor: what would you change around the game? for instance, one of the things that i was through me -- and i might be wrong -- >> you tell me. >> trevor: i was always drawn by this. if you got injured playing football, it was over for you and you don't get the money that was promised to you but you have injured playing the sport. >> sergeant guys now are getting those contracts, or you get as much money as you can from your
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signing bonus so they can't release you so early they can get some money out of you by making you play. that was the one thing. i would probably change the guarantees and contracts because basketball has some, baseball has them, but the problem in football that they see is that if you guarantee the money come a 60 something eyes on a team. so if you have that many guys on injured reserve come how can you economically afford, that is their argument. i didn't say they were right. >> trevor: okay. >> trust me, i would have loved guaranteed money. >> trevor: anyone who has billions going... you have billions! [laughter] before let you go, i want to talk about one of your latest ventures with is your skincare line. >> yeah, man. >> trevor: you have beautiful skin. >> thank you. >> trevor: you really do. this is another opportunity, i don't think a lot of people would've thought that's a long time ago, football player michael strahan and then it's like, the skincare line, michael strahan. i like this, all sides if you. >> the guy who likes to dominate
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other men. [laughter] skincare now. >> trevor: dominate men with your skincare. look at these pores! look at them. >> it all started, i am on tv, it was like a confidence things. you wanted to feel good, you look good, you feel good, you perform better. i think that skincare was the missing link at least for me because every thing i have done has always been about my life or my lifestyle. i don't do anything that is in authentically me. having a skincare, having a routine that is easy to do because i am kind of lazy about that. >> trevor: i think most men, every single friend of mine, every woman i talked to who was a friend, i go, to go, what do you do for your skincare? i go, wash my face and leave my house. it is shocked. they go, you need to respect it and treat it. how many steps? >> we have five products. we have a face wash. >> trevor: you could do one of those youtube's.
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this is my skincare routine, i michael strahan. you could be doing that right now, it would be amazing. tell me. >> we have the face wash, every day, any routine, you wash your face, then you have the face and neck moisturizer. >> trevor: face and neck moisturizer. >> look at my neck. i am 82 years old, look at my neck. [laughter] you have the face and neck moisturizer, and then if you have a beard, i have a beard, but the beard oil on. >> trevor: beard oil? wow. >> you don't know who you will rub up into. you know what i'm saying? [cheers and applause] >> trevor: that is the second thing -- >> that could be it, man. after that, we have our shaving gel. like our shaving lotion, but it's clear. so you can actually see when you shave where exactly you are shaping. that was always the thing. ist to finish shaving, one is a pier, one is down there, then we
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have the post shave balm. nice easy to put on, doesn't really scan your face. it makes less time than brushing my teeth. [laughter] >> trevor: >> i always say, they may not be together but they are clean. [laughter] >> trevor: thank you again, thank you for joining the show, thank you for being so wonderful. [cheers and applause] michael strahan! when we come back, the star of "abbott elementary," sheryl lee ralph, will be joining us. you don't want to miss it! [cheers and applause]
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[cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome back to "the daily show." my next guest is a tony nominated and emmy award-winning actor who stars in the hit series "abbott elementary" which airs wednesday night on abc and can be streamed on hulu. >> though i do not participate in the gift exchange, i did get to the humanely harvested poinsettia that you asked for for christmas. >> jacob. it is beautiful. and perfect for melissa and my annual christmas lounge dinner. >> every year, it is our tradition on the last day of school before a break... >> we bring in some food. >> have a little wine. >> it's our own slice of heaven, you know, and between school madness and family chaos. >> actually come i remember you doing that last year when zach and i were headed out and our wildwood vacation. >> where you took a hundred this
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year? >> he's going to be with family so it is just me, alone, by myself. >> that sounds fun. come on, barb. >> trevor: please welcome sheryl lee ralph! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> trevor: welcome, welcome, welcome. >> thank you! thank you! wow! >> trevor: the wind and only. [cheers and applause] sheryl lee ralph. welcome to "the daily show." let me start with saying, congratulations, emmy award-winning. [cheers and applause] you know, there are many performers in history, many
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artists, many actors, who audiences have said, critics alike, this person never got their flowers. this person never got the recognition they deserve to. so many people in black hollywood never got the flowers they deserved. talk me through just a part of this journey. you know, you have done it all. i mean, "moesha" for me, moving from one to the next, so many people back in the day, the original dream girl. talk me through the journey and what has kept you being as effervescent as you are. >> oh, my god. i choose to be happy. i choose joy. yeah. i believe that since i am alive, i might as well get up, get out there, and enjoy it! [cheers and applause] yes! i am so happy that god has chosen, throughout all of these years, to wake me up every
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morning in my right mind! so that i can carry on the light! i love it! [cheers and applause] yes! >> trevor: yes! >> that is what keeps me going. that is what keeps me enjoying what i do, through all of the ups and downs, through all of the missteps and the bad breaks, i choose to carry on. i choose to look in the mirror and love what i see. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: we love what we see. we genuinely love what we see. again, i am a sucker -- i love all comedy. anything that is funny, i love. you are a master. "abbott elementary" has done it many people said was not possible. people says no one watches live tv anymore, nobody likes a sitcom, nobody likes these family stories and yet "abbott elementary" has went on and on some act on the exact thing. going to branson assemble this amazing squad of people to tell amazing story that teachers love
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of themselves, of the students come of the american school system. i know it touches everything to movable what do you think it is that brings people back every single week of watching live, sharing it with each other? >> i think what they are seeing is their own struggles. we are just a group of regular people in the show going through life, and we just happen to be in a very challenging situation, and every week, we are getting over the difficulties, and we are appreciating what we have together, working together on the show, in that show, and the characters, and the scripts, and people see themselves in it, and they love it. they feel let. stay when they feel it and they love it. >> and they tell us. oh, my god. my life now has turned into one big photo session. >> trevor: [laughs] >> anytime i go out into the street, everybody want to take a picture, everybody wanted to talk to their people come and everybody want to tell you how much they love you, and i am
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saying, that is why i am so happy every day! [applause] >> trevor: you are also the rare breed of human being who is talented in every aspect of what you do. some people will see you as an actor on screen, others know you as the phenomenal performer on stage, and now you have an album outcome a christmas album. >> yes! >> trevor: "sleigh." >> yes! >> trevor: i like to play on words. talk me through, by the christmas album on why an album in general? >> first of all, it was only supposed to be a song. before i knew it, we had done 15 songs and we have an album called "sleigh" and people are actually downloading it everywhere and loving it! it's crazy. >> trevor: people -- >> it's not your mother's christmas album. >> trevor: it's not. >> we will take your mother to church and the club. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: it is one of the
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sexier christmas albums come i'm not going to lie. >> thank you. >> before we go, i would be remiss if we don't talk about your moment at the emmys. there should be an award for the best award acceptance, and yours was that, because sometimes at awards, they can feel self-indulgent, it can feel like we are not part of what is happening. it felt like we won with you. it felt like people won with you when even just for their lives, i didn't feel like a platitude come i didn't feel like you were just saying it. it felt like you were embodying it. i would love to know, in that moment, when you were holding that award, and an industry that everyone thrives to be celebrated or successful income of what made you think of talking to the people and not jt talking about yourself? >> because i thought in that moment, you know, my dad was a great lifelong learner and educator, and when they called my name, it was like i can hear my dad say, "there you are, it
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is your time, come on." but i couldn't -- i was so shocked, i couldn't get the message from my brain to my feet to move. and my husband kept saying, "get up, get up." and it wasn't until i heard quinto say "it is your name! get up! that i got up because tyler came in literally lifted me up and guided me to the stage, and i was there a center stage and my daddy saying, "don't you cry, don't you cry. this is your moment. let them know who you are! and how you got here!" >> trevor: wow. >> and there is a big screen like that in front of me saying, stop now, stop now. and i was like, "i haven't even gotten started!" >> trevor: [laughs] [applause] oh, i love it! >> yes! >> trevor: i love it so much. >> thank you so much, trevor.
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