heget behind the wheel. hey, guys -- got a second to help stop distracted driving? thanks. -hey, guys -- [ music playing over intercom ] cartman:hey, guys, let's a take a minute and talk about suicide prevention. there's probably someone right now at this school thinking about killing himself, and it's not funny. you better take it serious or he might actually do it. ♪ i've been feelin' sad, i've been bein' sad ♪ ♪ can't talk to my mom, don't even have a dad ♪ ♪ i can't go on, what is living for? ♪ ♪ my heart screams "i don't wanna live no more" ♪ ♪ eric, we don't want you to die ♪ ♪ eric, give life a try ♪ eric, we don't want you to die ♪ ♪ eric, oh, god, no, eric [ echoing ] i don't wanna live no more! ♪ but eric, we don't want you die ♪ ♪ you're so cool, we'd be sad at school ♪ ♪ yeah, but you guys, you don't understand ♪ ♪ with my girlfriend, it's like i'm living in quicksand ♪ ♪ conflicting thoughts, i need a battered wives' shelter ♪ ♪ my girlfriend is messed up, but all i wanna do is help her ♪ ♪ i'm suffocating, i'm drowning in sorrow ♪ ♪ gonna kill myself prob'ly around 2:30 tomorrow ♪ ♪ but, eric, we don't want you to die ♪

♪ eric, give life a try everybody! ♪ eric, we don't want you to die ♪ ♪ eric, oh, god, no, eric but it's so hard! ♪ eric, we don't want you to die ♪ only you guys can make a difference. i don't care if you're black, white, gay, straight or trans, i am going to kill myself unless you all start taking it seriously. ♪ eric, please don't die... distracted driving my asshole. ♪♪ [ nervous jittering ] hey, tweek. aah! how's it going with the fidget spinner? great! you seem a lot less anxious. things are finally turning around for my little homosexual son. [ loud blast in distance ] what is that?! i'm not sure. aah! aah! [ screams ]

man: yet no agreement has been reached between the parties involved. breaking news now out of colorado, where the north koreans appear to have fired a missile over tweek's house. -[ screams ] tweek, of course, the young boy who got the attention of kim jong un last week. the news media in north korea is calling the missile test a victory for its people. [ speaking in korean ] translator: today the great country of north korea... has proven its determination and fortitude... by successfully firing a missile over tweek's house. perhaps now tweek... -oh, my god. oh, my god. why's this happening to me?! they have to know this isn't my fault! in response to the north korean test, the president of the united states has just tweeted this statement -- "you really think tweek is scared? tweek will single handedly go to north korea and [bleep] all you slanty eyed bitches doggy style. what?! why would he say that?! man: the president also tweeted -- "if you even think tweek is worried about a bunch of dipshit poor ass third world rice pickers, think again." oh, my god! what is he doing?! -tweek, tweek. calm down! -why won't he just stop?! why? tweek! tweek, h-here's your fidget spinner!

why does he keep making it worse?! your fidget spinner, tweek! come on, son! aah! focus on the fidget spinner. the chicken just always seems to be a big favorite. people love it. you're not pulling it out of a box, you're making food! yeah. i like being able to pride in my food and pride in my work. you get to walk right in and you see me making your chicken. this is gonna be in your bowl. this is it! this is it! this is it.

♪♪ oh, geez, looks like north korea launched another missile. oh, really, like another test? where are you looking? i'm on drudge. you see what the president tweeted about it? -no, what'd he say? -the president tweeted "north korea is the butthole of asia and -- innocent child! aah! [ tires screech ] aah! [ glass shatters, body thuds in slow motion ]

[ splattering ] [ crying ] i know. i know, it's so sad. well, how nice. that's a little more like it. well, guys, what happened? change of heart? yeah, you didn't hear? gary borkovec got ran over by a distracted driver. what?! gary borkovec? is he dead? yeah, dude, he's dead. oh, that son of a bitch. i'm gonna talk to the principal! put down the candle, kenny! like you ever gave a shit about gary borkovec! [ knocking ] entrée vous. pc principal, i'm trying to raise suicide awareness, but everyone's preoccupied with this "don't be on your phone when driving" crap. gary borkovec was a good student. he didn't deserve to be taken away by someone not paying attention to the road.

yes, but gary borkovec is already dead. there's nothing we can do for him. students need to focus on people thinkingabout dying. i don't know what more you want from me, bro. i can't just get people to care with a stupid rap song. i need a full orchestra -- woodwinds, strings -- i need black people in white robes, white people in black robes, and a thousand doves to release into the air. i can give you two student volunteers and one pigeon. do you have any idea how serious this is? as someone who deals with suicidal thoughts, i cannot believe the lack of concern at this school! maybe i should just take the awareness of my suicide out to the public on the streets! maybe you should. maybe i will! maybe you should. maybe i will! [ screams ] ugh. [ sighs ] hey, tweek. look at what the president tweeted now! what time is it, dude? just read it! "north korea doesn't have the balls to attack tweek. they have little tiny rice balls." they're gonna get me, craig! look at what's on cnn!

and the president's tweets have certainly caught the attention of north korea, who have been spending the past several days viewing possible targets for a nuclear strike if war were to break out... [ screams ] what am i gonna do?! you gotta calm down. how am i supposed to calm down?! north korea is gonna get me! they're gonna get me! tweek. tweek. tweek. let's think this through logically. north korea isn't going to attack anyone, okay? they're not going to start a war they can't win. okay? but, craig, i -- tweek. you have to stop thinking about it. tell you what, we're gonna go somewhere fun and make you feel better. [ bell dings ] give a minute of your time for suicide awareness? suicide is serious. help tell people like kyle it's not a joke. hey, good for you guys, trying to help. yeah, make sure everyone you know gets involved or else i'm gonna do it. we're getting a lot of attention, eric. our website's already full of kids saying they feel the same way as you and want to get help. theywant to get help? for what? for wanting to take their own lives. no, this is aboutme killing myself. but, babe, there's a lot of kids who feel the same way you do. they're full of shit, heidi. they're just trying to get attention.

what, are you actually talking online to these asswipes?! i thought this was about raising awareness and helping people. so you're just gonna e-mail with every every guy who has a dick and a deathwish? are we just your type? eric, come on. no, look, heidi. i'm sorry, but you're the one who started all this by telling everybody that i was suicidal. okay? now i'm under a lot of pressure to do it. so the only option i have is to make sure that suicide prevention becomes this entire town's number-one priority! oh, god, did you see what the president said about asians now? look out! [ screams ] oh, are you freakin' serious? [ riders scream in distance ] okay, babe, what do you wanna ride first? ugh! what are we doing here, craig? we're gonna get your mind off politics and have some fun. now, what's your favorite ride? the ferris wheel! [ laughs ] isn't this lovely, tweek? just look at that view. [ cellphone chimes ] [ gasps ] oh, god!

another tweet from the president! oh, come on. "why would the u.s. be scared of north korea? tweek is so not scared he's at an amusement park in denver right now." [ gasps ] jesus christ! we gotta get outta here! tweek! tweek, use your brain. north korea isn't going to attack an amusement park. you're safer here than anywhere. oh, geez. the president just called kim jong-un a fat midget. oh, and now north korea is saying that they're gonna -- dad, look out! oh, shit! [ woman screams ] [ screams ] ride attendant: all right, everyone, please wait for your bumper cars to come to a complete stop. we hope you enjoyed crazy cars -- mommy, look out! [ screams ] oh, my god, what is that?! what is that?! it's probably nothing. everything's fine. will you please stop saying that?! i can't take it! i'm trying to make you feel better. well, maybe i don't wanna feel better right now! okay, but think about that. that actually doesn't make any sense.

why do you have to be so logical?! i don't need you to problem-solve all the time, i need you to -- agh! i don't know! tweek, honey, all week, you've been freaking out, and i've been the one forced to deal with it. you haven't been dealing with it, you've been trying to make it go away because my emotions are freaking you out! [ people scream ] tweek, north korea isn't bombing anyone. they would lose the support of china, and that would be -- there you go again! stop preaching facts to me! it's not what i need! well, i'm sorry that i'm actually in control of my goddamn emotions, ya baby! oh, see, now you made me lose control of my emotions. god damn it. [ grumbling ] [ screams ] ♪♪ you pour your heart into everything you do, which is a lot. so take care of that heart with lipton. because sippin' on unsweetened lipton can help support a healthy heart. lipton. stop chuggin'. start sippin'.

this is a door. mom's holiday classic,

tempting you to move closer to home, door. when life's doors open, we'll handle the house. for people living with h-i-v, keep being you. and ask your doctor about biktarvy. biktarvy is a complete, one-pill, once-a-day treatment used for h-i-v in certain adults. it's not a cure, but with one small pill, biktarvy fights h-i-v to help you get to and stay undetectable. that's when the amount of virus is so low it cannot be measured by a lab test. research shows people who take h-i-v treatment every day and get to and stay undetectable can no longer transmit h-i-v through sex. serious side effects can occur, including kidney problems and kidney failure. rare, life-threatening side effects include a buildup of lactic acid and liver problems. do not take biktarvy if you take dofetilide or rifampin. tell your doctor about all the medicines and supplements you take, if you are pregnant or breastfeeding, or if you have kidney or liver problems, including hepatitis. if you have hepatitis b, do not stop taking biktarvy without talking to your doctor.

common side effects were diarrhea, nausea, and headache. if you're living with hiv, keep loving who you are. and ask your doctor if biktarvy is right for you. ♪♪ hey craig, how come tweek's not at school? how should i know? uh-oh. trouble in paradise? look guys, tweek doesn't want help, okay? he just wants to overreact. henry: hey, guys, could we have your attention? tomorrow night, we'll be having a memorial service for all the students we've lost to distracted driving. we hope you can all bring your families. cool, yeah. hey, guys, and there's also gonna be a suicide awareness pot luck at 7:30 tomorrow night in the school gymnasium. we're gonna have lots of games and face painting, and what are you guys gonna have? we're gonna have some guest speakers and also provide grievance counselors for those who need it. yeah, grievance counseling -- that sounds super fun. listen, guys, there's a very real chance i might actually do it right in front of everyone tomorrow, so you don't want to miss it. suicide prevention pot luck, everybody. eric, you need to stop. what they're doing is important. they're doing a memorial service with speeches and crying. what's that gonna solve? it's not about problem solving, eric. it's about people getting together

and feeling what they need to feel! people need help sorting out their emotions sometimes. and the best thing isn't always quick answers, but just being there, supporting each other and talking through those feelings. you are so up and down. i don't know what you want from me, heidi! come on. there has to be a way we can all work together, here. so, now you're ontheirside! oh, my god, i'm seriously gonna do it right now! eric! [ door opens ] tweek! what's going on? what? what do you mean what's going on?! the same shit that's been going on! nothing's gotten any better?! oh, my god, how does that make you feel? i feel scared! i feel alone! that must be horrible to feel that way! it must be hard for you to even think! it is! it's terrible! i bet it's terrible! what else are you feeling? like i have no control over my life. like i'm just a pawn in a big game. oh, that's a terrifying thought. you must feel trapped. yeah, like, trapped, but, like, completely unable to even move. jesus! it's like there's no solution to any of this!

what are you gonna do? whatcanyou do? i don't know. it's -- it's like maybe -- maybe i have to find a way to feel a little in charge of me again. that sounds so insurmountable, though. how would you even start? i don't know, but i-i gotta do something about this. there's gotta be a way i can... thank you, craig. i've got it. people aren't focused on the right thing. i know what i should do. all right, everyone, listen up. tonight, one of our students has put together a song about a very important issue. it's a song about how there are certain times to not be on your phone. i hope you all listen carefully. [ somber piano music plays ] ♪ people are dying ♪ the fault is our own

♪ you can do lots of damage ♪ when you're on your phone ♪ we all have to agree ♪ to change it somehow ♪ let's all make a pledge to end it right now ♪ ♪ put it down ♪ don't be on your phone ♪ while being president ♪ put it down ♪ you might do something dumb ♪ and cause an accident ♪ let's all agree here today ♪ that if we're leader of the usa ♪ ♪ we'll put it down if at any point today, you're being a president, put down your mobile device. ♪ put it down if i'm on the phone, i will not get behind the desk of an oval office. ♪ put it down i'll take the pledge! i'll take the pledge! and i'll take the pledge. ♪ no one cares what's that? i was just elected president? well, then, goodbye! ♪ put it down if you're president today ♪ ♪ if you find yourself being president today ♪ hey brian, look! i was just elected president.

that's great, nancy. now, put down your phone. right! ♪ ah, ah, ah, ah-ah-ah, put it down ♪ [ rapping ] ♪ give a standing ovation for suicide in our nation ♪ ♪ or i will rip my own guts out without one hesitation ♪ ♪ dedication, that's what it's taken ♪ ♪ to waken people to care ♪ and still my future's so hazy ♪ ♪ my girlfriend's making me crazy ♪ ♪ but still i'm working so hard ♪ ♪ you know, just trying to hold on ♪ ♪ cuz i know that you don't miss me so much if i was gone ♪ ♪ and all the voices start solo ♪ ♪ but every day, i hear them grow ♪ ♪ saying, eric, don't do it ♪ don't do it, nooooo ♪ put it down ♪ don't be on your phone while being president ♪ ♪ put it down ♪ you might do something dumb and cause an accident ♪ ♪ we all agree here today ♪ that if we're leader of the usa ♪ ♪ we'll put it down ♪ put it down i'm not gonna do it, you guys! it worked! i'm not gonna do it!

>> announcer: tonight: it's the final episode of "the daily show" with trevor noah! where we celebrate the fact that we fixed america. that's right. all the problems are solved and it's time to move on. mission accomplished! ♪ ♪ this is "the daily show" with trevor noah. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> trevor: oh, what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm trevor noah. thank you so much for tuning in and thank you for coming out in person. thank you so much! thank you so much! thank you so much! thank you for being here. take a seat, take a seat. thank you so much for coming out and for tuning in. especially tonight.

because this is the final episode of "the daily show" with trevor noah. it's not just that. it's also a celebration. when i started the show, i had three clear goals. i'm going to make sure hillary gets elected, i'm going to make sure that i prevent a global pandemic from starting, and i'm going to become best friends with kanye west. so... [cheers and applause] i think it's time to move on. but before we do that, for one last time. let's do this, people, let's jump straight in today's episode. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ all right, people, let's do it! this is it, my final show. and i got a ton of clean up to do so i can get the security deposit back on the studio. but before i head out, what better way to spend it than to check in with all of my favorite people in all of your favorite correspondence one last time, starting with my very favorite, michael kosta, everybody!

[cheers and applause] michael kosta, good to see you, buddy. one last time. what is going on in the market today? >> trevor, i am crushing it. and i mean crushing it, okay? but tonight, i am also crushed. because this is our last time together on "the daily show." so i'm not gonna talk about the market tonight, because as much as i love numbers, there's a different n-word i love even more. nostalgia. >> trevor: oh, thank god. >> nostalgia. this is a chart of of our friendship. six years of african-american relations. >> trevor: [laughs] >> right here, this is the high point because you hired me. which meant i could stop sleeping in my shitty old honda civic. and now look at me. i'm sleeping in a freaking tesla, baby.

yeah. every morning, i wake up, see where the autopilot mode brought me, i have a nice big cup of coffee, and i clean the blood off my tires. and that's thanks to you, my man. >> trevor: not thanking me for the blood. >> that blood is on your hands. of course, here is the first time you let me onto the show with a chart that looked like a butthole. and here is that time you let me on the show with a different chart that looked like a butthole. >> trevor: yeah, it was a lot of it. >> the one that is most important to me is this a peer. this is the time you let me on the show with a chart that looked like a penis. that was a total game-changer for me, trevor. and yeah, there were some tough times, too. this is when covid hit. and that wasn't easy. you were doing the show from your apartment. i was in the office every day because i did not get that

email. that was a lonely two years! but look, that's the beauty of our friendship, trevor. in fact, i made a chart to illustrate it. some days are good. let's be honest, some days are bad. but true friendship? that's the sweet spot in between. [cheers and applause] and it can stink, it can bring you unimaginable pleasure, but you can't live without it. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: i see what you did there come a one last time. >> you know what, i wouldn't trade our friendship for anything, trevor. >> trevor: thank you so much for that, michael!

incredibly disgusting sentiment. michael kosta, everybody. [cheers and applause] now let's go on to desi lydic, please. tell me, desi, that this last time, you are actually going to do the weather. please. desi lydic, everybody! [cheers and applause] >> nope. trevor, i am not here to do the weather. it's your last show, so on behalf of paramount-viacom-cbs comedy central viacom networks and paul patrol plus, i'm here to do your exit interview. >> trevor: do we have to do that live on air? >> no, but some of us are getting drinks after the show, so i got to squeeze it in now. >> trevor: wait, people are getting drinks? no one told me. can i come? >> first question! over the seven years of your employment here, what would you say is my best personality trait? >> trevor: you mean my best personality trait? >> uh, no, mine.

>> trevor: oh, i guess i would say humiliating. >> yeah, i aim amazing at that. i will put down humility and great cheekbones. okay. next question. what will you miss most about me? >> trevor: desi, this is my exit interview. shouldn't the questions be about me and not you? >> why would they be about you? i'm the one who's staying. i mean, you're leaving us. which is fine. it's fine. people abandon me all the time. i don't care. why would i care, dad? point is, i'm the one staying. but just in case, would you mind writing me a letter of recommendation? >> trevor: i gladly would, desi. i would write that you're one of the funniest, most gifted comedic actors i have ever known, and had the pleasure of working with and anyone who knows you is

lucky to k know you. >> trevor: trevor. >> trevor. okay, you can come to drinks after work. >> trevor: thank you. >> yeah. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: desi lydic, everybody! one of the funniest people i know, but one of the worst weather people i've ever worked with. and that is saying something. now here to give us our final lotto numbers, dulce sloan, everyone! [cheers and applause] all right, dulce! all right, friend! keep winning that money. what are the lotto numbers? >> nah, nah, nah. listen. hello, friends. [cheers and applause] now there's only one lotto winner tonight: and that is my friend, my light-skinned friend, my homey,

trevor ezekiel noah. >> trevor: it's not ezekiel but i will take that. i don't know why you keep saying "ezekiel" to be. >> i give you the middle name ezekiel because i don't know any african words. you taught me nothing! >> trevor: sorry, i interrupted you. you were saying? >> you know, african, they teach you african. he just be speaking english all the time. look at you, leaving "the daily show" to go star in movies, like one them hemsworth brothers. >> trevor: i don't have any movies lined up. i'm just leaving, that's all. >> you're what? >> trevor: you haven't been listening. this is what i have said, this is a moment where i'm just taking time, it's about me making time for family, friends, to travel a little bit more. >> oh, you're doing a travel show! okay! okay! all right! see, that makes sense! yeah! [cheers and applause]

>> trevor: no, no. >> yeah! listen, why didn't you say so? is it a safari show? yeah, introducing us to all you animal friends that you went to school with? >> trevor: i didn't go to school with -- >> you should do one about african people because you know what i realized? i know more about meerkats than whoever the [bleep] lives in tanzania. >> trevor: that's what a lot of americans tell me. but i'm not actually leaving for a movie coming out leaving for another show. i don't have anything lined up at the moment. >> wait a minute. so you are leaving a good job? you are quitting a job without having another job lined up? [bleep], are you crazy? you don't leave a job! who the [bleep] leaves a job?

so you are just leaving a job to do nothing? wow, you really are half white. [cheers and applause] it's your boy swiss chocolate in the building! >> trevor: i hear what you are saying but i just think life isn't all about work. it's not about the next thing, the next thing, the next thing. it's about exploration, discovery, fulfillment, you know? >> shut up! you are discovering your fulfillment? you sound like a white girl doing a semester abroad! you know what we call a grown ass man who doesn't have a job? unemployed! >> trevor: noel, i want to be unemployed. i have many great things going on in my life. >> listen, listen, you don't

have to be proud with me, trevor. you are my friend. okay? you are one of my favorite people and you are the reason that my mama don't work. >> trevor: thank you, dulce. you are one of my favorite people. >> thank you. >> trevor: you know i really love your mom. >> my mama loves you too and i always have to break her heart and tell her that we are just friends. >> trevor: [laughs] >> now since you are about to be the broke dick that i despise, you are going to need this lotto money, so i have fixed it so the winning numbers are one of the most important dates of our lives. the day that you and i met. so all you have to do is play those numbers, and the jackpot is yours, young man! [cheers and applause] yeah!

yeah! very simple! very simple. >> trevor: because it's just the date that we met, that we both remember. >> yeah, and as soon as you play those numbers, the day that we met, they will come up on the screen and you will win that money. >> trevor: yeah. i will play them because i remember them. >> right! >> trevor: i remember them. it was... 2... >> no. >> trevor: it was to be -- you interrupted me. it was to be one of the most important moments, that's why i don't forget it. that number sticks in my heart, and that number is four -- >> no. >> trevor: for many people while you and i work so many well because we both know the number is one... >> no. >> trevor: of the people who have touched me both in my life which is why i know the number is...

ten. >> no. >> trevor: tennessee is where you remind me of. >> tennessee? i am from georgia! you know what, i played them myself because i also need this money. so good luck being unemployed! >> trevor: dulce sloan, everybody! [cheers and applause] what are the numbers? all right. for one last time, let's turn to my good friend and favorite meme ronny chieng to see what's trending! [cheers and applause] ronny chieng! what is trending on social media? >> you want to know what is trending? i would tell you what is trending right now, trevor, my feelings! i can't believe you are leaving. it's like a part of my heart is being ripped out of my body and not in the cool indiana jones way. we had so many great times together. you are like a brother to me and not in the way black guys say.

i mean, like, actually like a family brother who happens to be black, kind of. >> trevor: ronny, knowing you, knowing how not emotional you are, i just want you to know, i appreciate that. >> no, no, for real, though, no joke, i just want to say, thank you for everything. you have changed my life. you save me from having to work with amateur producers from australia and singapore. i mean come at the time, when you were starting to show, you d closer friends than me who are t you said, no, i want this [bleep] guy because you are adamant about having asian representation on the show and i really appreciated it. the whole time here, it felt like it was just the two of us immigrants coming together to tell americans what was wrong with them, which they always appreciate. [cheers and applause]

>> trevor: thank you, thank you, ronny. honestly, i didn't -- wow. i didn't expect that from you and i feel like you are going to make me cry. yeah. >> [laughs] i got you! i got you, you gullible [bleep]! you bought all that shit! of course i can go on without you. i am in multiple tent pole movie franchises thanks to this show. you think you can sync me? i didn't even know this was your last episode until this morning. the whole world, oh, trevor, you are a beacon of light in the darkness. hey, this is a show on comedy central, all right? we just had someone try to kiss a butthole 2 minutes ago. get over yourself. i can't believe you thought i was serious. >> trevor: i knew you were kidding, ronny. good one! ronny. [laughs] >> but in all seriousness, on behalf of everyone watching

right now and from the bottom of my heart, can i be the new host? >> trevor: ronny chieng, everybody! [cheers and applause] i'll get back to you on that. i will get right back to you. i'm just going to remember the beautiful parts of what you said. all right. for our final traffic report, let's go to my very good friend, the og from the very beginning, who did this with me long before, roy wood jr., everybody! [cheers and applause] what's going on, roy? >> i've been thinking about this, you don't have to leave the country, you can just go over to america and host over there. the light-skinned man is in a lot of trouble. >> trevor: i'm not getting involved, just to the traffic. >> before i do the traffic, this is the last time, you and me,

you can come clean. >> trevor: i'm sorry, come clean about what? >> just say the thing. you ain't african, for real. you know what the when i talking about. i used to run credit cards in '96 in birmingham. with a guy who looks just like you. your name was slippery j. your hair was a little shorter back then. i've been keeping my mouth shut because we had a good thing going with the people deserve to know the truth about slippery. tell the truth, man. you are from birmingham. >> trevor: i've never lived in birmingham, dude. >> you forever said that -- you don't have to say that. you remember, we all remember, running and has all the walmart credit cards, it was you, it was me, it was ramrod two bone come and we tried to jump the fence,

when we jumped the fence, then two bone shit his pants so we had to take off our pants and we had to give two bone our pants. you're going to look me in the eye and tell me that we were on the walmart on lakeshore parkway in 1996? >> trevor: firstly, why did both of you have to give him your pants if he shit his pants? >> don't change the subject on me right now, slippery j. look, if you are really from africa, why are you talking all british now? >> trevor: i don't know what you mean. >> cheerio, oh, [british gibberish] >> no african sound like that. if you are going to put on a fake accent, at least make it's an accurate. what you are doing is offensive. >> trevor: it's not a made up accent. why would i pretend to be african? >> everybody has to do it to get the job, bro. looking black, sounding british, that is how you get the job.

i lied. i said that i can do xl. that is how you play the game, man. just be real with me, bro, just be real with me. it's been seven years, you are not african -- >> trevor: roy, roy, look at me. roy, i am really african, okay? >> whatever, man. either way, we had a good run. >> trevor: we did. it's been amazing. you've been my dude from day one and you know this. we had a ton of fun him every iteration of the show. let's make sure we keep in touch, keep hanging out, we are real friends, you know? you never know. maybe we can get together, get some credit cards and shit. >> bitch, i knew it was you! slippery j.! >> trevor: roy wood jr., everybody! i don't know what you are talking about. roy wood jr., everyone! roy wood jr.

and trevor noah from africa. all right, well, i guess that's everyone. >> aren't you forgetting someone, trevor? [cheers and applause] >> trevor: oh, wow! >> yeah, someone you sent out every week to the heart of america, almost getting murdered by qanon psychopaths. >> trevor: jordan klepper, you are still alive. >> still alive, yes, barely. trevor, i wanted to come out here and thank you for your candor, your wit, your intelligence. and to offer you one final goodbye. but i'm not going to do that. >> trevor: oh. >> i thought it would be better if the folks of new york did that. ♪ ♪ >> i wanted to give new yorkers a chance to weigh in on trevor's departure, so i bravely went to the only place more intense than

a maga rally: midtown manhattan during the holidays. >> trevor is leaving. >> how does that make you feel? >> sad, extremely sad. >> have you heard trevor noah is leaving? >> black guy? >> he is a black guy. >> i am sad. >> he has been such a signature, he went through covid with all of us, that was an such an important part of seeing him at his house and everybody being depressed. he was such a wonderful thing. >> you know, editors trevor's final show. >> yup, yup. >> how does it make you feel? >> everything ends. hopefully. >> you want trevor to die? >> no, no. >> okay, i misunderstood. >> what i like about trevor is, you have to be able to [bleep] laugh at all sides of everything now. i don't don't to want to watch something where they snap on every person, they snap on biden, they snap on trunk, they

snap on everybody. >> everybody deserves a snap. that's new york. >> trevor noah is leaving the show. >> how do you feel about that? >> i think you are the best correspondent. >> trevor is the most talented people on the show but there are other talented people, trevor and other correspondent. your favorite might be? >> jimmy. >> not a correspondent. he is a totally different show. there's other people who work on "the daily show" who are equally talented. jordan klepper does a really good job. that's a guy who goes out, put his life on the line, multiple emmy nominations. i just love noah. >> you could be confronted with jordan klepper and you wouldn't know him. >> what is your favorite trevor noah segment? >> between the scenes come i think it is beautiful because you see everything inside of the studio. it is real life. >> trevor has covered a lot of interesting, important moments.

if you had to pick a favorite police shooting that he has covered, which one would it be? >> oh, jeez. >> pick your favorite lighthearted moment from covid. >> i'm sorry. >> is today the day? >> you guys are embarking on something new. what advice do you have for somebody else who was also embarking on something new? >> always talk things through. >> a close friend or a colleague or somebody. talk to them before you make the biggest decision of your life. that is a smart [bleep] thing to do. your fans, trevor is retiring today. he's going to open a candy shop in rhinebeck. >> okay! >> i'm just guessing. he won't tell anybody what he's doing. >> do you know where he's going? >> it is unclear. i don't know how easy that is to go into. i think anyone can do it. maybe. >> who is going to do it next?

>> i think he's going to ukraine, whether he is stand up or fighting. >> i'm looking forward to that. i'm looking forward to see him as he hits the road potentially and stops in tampa because i know he does that occasionally. >> you want trevor to come to tampa? >> absolutely, i want him to come to me. >> that is white privilege. a black man retires after a long, long years of work and you are like, please, come to me, make me laugh. >> trevor, the word on the street is loud and clear. >> trevor, thank you very much. >> trevor, we will miss you. >> trevor, we love you. >> trevor, we will miss you so much, you were the best. >> congratulation, come back soon. >> good luck, and thank you for keeping us a little more sane. >> have fun at the candy shop. >> trevor, you are the [bleep] man, whatever you do, congratulations, keep it real. >> trevor, i wish you the best,

you are awesome, thank you for all your work. >> i was going to say, like exactly that verbatim. go make fun of the world. [cheers and applause] >> trevor: wow! jordan klepper, everybody. thank you. [cheers and applause] thank you so much for that. wow. and one last time, for all of the correspondence, give it up for everyone, one last time! [cheers and applause] desi lydic, ronny chieng, michael kosta, dulce sloan, roy wood jr., thank you so much! [cheers and applause] give it up, everybody! for the best fake news team in history, everybody! [cheers and applause] keep watching them! they are amazing! i couldn't have done it without them, i didn't want to do it without them! we are going to take a quick break. we'll be right back! we'll be right back!

[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> trump is too busy to testify? at the [bleep] out of here. >> trevor: would you like a tissue? get the [bleep] out of there. jeff bezos, get the [bleep] out of here. get the out of here. get the [bleep] out of here man. ancient turtles have very sexy legs. get the [bleep] out of here. you will see that it says, get the [bleep] out of there. your boss is a rich guy who does nothing but complain. get the [bleep] out of here, man. get the [bleep] out of here. due to high demand, get the [bleep] out of here. you tricked me come i get the [bleep] out of there. you are not white, you are latin? at the [bleep] out of here. i'm sorry, what i meant to say was, get the [bleep] out of