[ babies crying ] i guess they are offensive. ♪ we don't need nothin' from big corporations ♪ ♪ we don't need progress or fancy educations ♪ ♪ maybe our tegridy keeps us down ♪ -♪ down -♪ down ♪ but that's life livin' in our colorado town ♪ hey, mom. hi, dad. sure are, butters! ♪ now, we gotta learn to live without boxes every day ♪ ♪ we might wake up tomorrow and wonder why they went away ♪ ♪ guess you might call us a bunch of white trash hicks ♪ -♪ hicks -♪ hicks ♪ but at least we ain't suckin' no bezosian dicks ♪ tegridy weed. coming soon to a giant online retailer near you. ♪ vitamix, torture fruit. tonight on "tooning out the news," the conservative hot take asks huma abedin whether the release of wnba star brittney

griner was a financial necessity now that our economy is propped up entirely by sports betting. plus the liberal virtue signals an arena booing elon musk make him consider free speech instead of his personality. first, senator kyrsten sinema left the democrats to be independent of all parties except the lavish ones thrown by her many corporate donor. it's time for "tooning out the news". good evening, i'm james smartwood. i'm on day three of going absolutely wild for the top story, senator most likely to sponsor sauce act kyrsten sinema announced she is leeing the democratic party and becoming an independent. here is her official announcement. please leave the room if you're sensitive to the world most unnerving affect. >> i promised i would always do

what is right for the people of arizona. showing up to work as an independent with the title of independent is a reflection of who i've always been. >> yeah, senator sinema is so independent she doesn't even listen to the large majority of independent voters who want a federal minimum wage increase, voting now with the korkyness. that vote and her votes make sense from 2017 to 2022 she received 1.8 million from democratic and liberal groups but 9.8 from corporate interest. in her defense that could be independent dollar bills following their own maverick streak. joining me now to see the truth across the bar, breaks news here often is democratic strategist who is the one who recently advise d kamala to be goofier. >> good evening. >> note cool by referendum and country he has never been to jonathan keene.

>> hello. >> youtube algorithm still feeds him baby einstein videos james smartwood jr. >> hey, dad. >> and "tooning out the news" contributor who i simply cannot picture wearing shorts, major garrett. >> hello, james. >> major, let's start with you. what is motivating senator sinema's move besides her feeling selfless duty to do what's right for arizonians by cynically preserving her damaged political career? >> she's probably trying to avoid a democratic primary, which it seems inevitable. seemed inevitable before she became an independent. open field on the democratic side. open question whether kyrsten sinema could be the party's nominee, democrat or independent in 2024. so this is a gambit to try to preserve her political stature in the senate if only for a short period of time. >> everyone in congress should be an independent with their own agendas, walking around, wearing their own little capitals, clawing each other's eyes out to appear with chuck todd every sunday. >> this great country was built

on individuals acting 100% independently. we remember in 1944 a bunch of 18-year-olds decided to storm the beaches of normandy. >> 1969, buzz aldrin and neil armstrong went to the moon at the same time. >> i would like to announce i am now a completely independent news man. this is a rooting, tooting studio you have here. >> shut the [ bleep ] up. what does that mean, independent news man? >> well, partner, it means no one tells me to what to report. i just report what's in my heart. isn't that right, rusty? >> no one is independent. everyone gets money from someone, even you. don't you live with your mother? >> well, every cowboy needs a place to rest his head and it's my grandmother. >> i'm also on a horse. >> really? >> a little pony is under here. >> hey, little guy. >> lydia, you're also independent? >> no, i couldn't find a chair. >> if you're to independent, keene say something bad about

paramount right now? >> you know, i would, but that's not what's in this here cowboy's heart, considering how expensive rusty's apples are. moving on, the nation's bilking industry took a hit this week with the department of justice charged sam bankman-fried with eight criminal counts related to fraud and money laundering. bankman-fried showed off his famous market rediction skills predicting he would not be arrested just hours before his arrest. >> once the dust is settled and the investigations happened you won't be arrested for fraud? >> i don't think i will be. i don't think that i -- >> is that me? that's another person. >> i did anything wrong. i don't think i committed fraud. >> fraud isn't nearly as straight forward a concept as block chain digi currencies. ftx was to confident they recruited celebrities. now, would be easy to accuse those celebrities of mindless greed, but remember, celebrities are humans and humans are resource hoarding termites.

major, will these charges against sam bankman-fried shatter america's confidence in our very real and appropriately valued economy? >> not the economy but the crypto economy definitely. the formal title for all these charges filed by not only the s.e.c. but the justice department could be summarized as follows, you sit on a throne of lies. >> sick. >> now one of the charges alleges that sam bankman-fried made hundreds of millions of dollars or at least millions of dollars of illegal campaign contributions. in washington, that means he sat on a guilded throne of lies. >> i sat on a horse. >> keene, you have to stop. you have to. >> it's sad to see a young man taken down by the government, just before he would have amazed enough wealth to use legislatures like pawns. >> musk and bankman-fried exposed, the search continues for the acentric guy we should hand all our money to. i don't know who he is, but he dresses like garbage, exclusively eats tomato paste and works all day for a kayak. >> i want to say unlike sam

bankman-fried, i james smartwood, am a confident charlotten for a reason. big news is not a media grift. we add real value to the news. there's no difference between a skyscraper, gold you can hold in your hand and me saying things like the only poll that matters is on election night. keene, what happened to your horse? >> i couldn't hold back rusty. he had dreams of his own. also, he fell down the stairs. >> you have to clean that up. don't make the custodian do it. >> i know. i know. turns out the ice cream i ate was tobacco. let's wrap it there. sorry we didn't have time for former president trump seeing ron desantis's rising poll numbers and asksplasting surgeon to install a door frame. thinking about analyst and "tooning out the news" contributor, major garrett. >> thank you. >> you claiming to be eternally passionate about you just found out three second ago tonight? >> thanks, james. >> we're talking about the crowd that booed elon musk, putting

billionaires on blast. stick around. >> are you going to clean up that horse? >> yes. i just need the sharpest butter knife in the break room and 50 garbage bags. >> thank you. >> i need another 20 bags if i'm doing the small horse as well. >> i'll get you the bags. >> all right. now we're talking. ♪

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lipton. stop chuggin'. start sippin'. lexus, buy one for your father as a gift. we're seriously suggesting this. >> tonight, an arena crowd boos billionaire elon musk, proving that the ultra wealthy can escape paying taxes but they can't escape briefly getting their feelings hurt. this is virtue signal.

♪ hi, i'm kylie weaver. i only agree to a multimillion dollar tv contract because remaining silent is not an option. top story, y'all. amazing news. we live in a democracy where we have the right to boo family made billionaire with a self made hairline elon musk and the government lets us before immediately subsidizing his next death machine, no questions asked. here is what happened when he appeared on stage during a dave chappelle show. >> make some nose for the richest man in the world. [ boos ] >> wow. being booed must have been strange for someone more accustom hearing screams emanating from his electric car bombs. to save face the man who dreams of one day torturing a monkey on mars took to twitter writing, technically it was 90% cheers and 10% boos.

except during quiet periods. but still, that's a lot of boos which is a first for me in real life, frequent on twitter. it's almost as if i'm offended san francisco's unhinged. but nah. yes, the audience was just a bunch of uber woke who can't get enough of dave chappelle reeling against transpeople. joining me, who perfected what her great idea nod as an aide as dianne feinstein. jordan paul. >> hello. >> charlotte fitzgerald. >> good evening. >> the lincoln project seniored a vierz and unstoppable prince of fracturing a vertebra at the laundromat, troy lawson. >> hi, kylie. >> panel, elon musk is donezo. this system will continue to work so long as billionaires continue to accidentally wander near us in a hubristic display of invinceability. >> woo. >> i'll tell you what, people love seeing a figure like elon musk cut down to size by an

angry crowd. which is why we need to keep letting rich people get that big in the first place. >> now that we had our fun, this is where accountability for billionaires should end or they'll stop giving us miracles like rockets that go to space almost. >> there is one problem. this might inspire musk to speed production of his neuro link chip to american mouths will be too busy chewing fingers to shout him off stage. >> okay. next topic. georgia congress woman marjorie taylor greene took a break from researching whether bagels are a sick plot to make christians spinning their eyeballs looking for where the bread stops to appear at the new york young republicans club. here is what she said about january 6th. >> steve bannon and i organized that, we would have won. not to mention, it would have been armed. >> wow. with those extremist remarks she is playing with fire. someone needs to warn her that trump only won her district by a

mere 50 points. now, obviously marjorie intended to stir outrage and we shouldn't respond, but also we should absolutely respond to this and that's what the news media did. >> we have no choice, kylie! republicans say crazy stuff and we need to display outrage to feel a fleeting sense of superiority or i don't know what will happen. >> one time i didn't display outrage over a maga republican's comments. >> don't listen to her. she's just trying to scare us. >> oh, am i? >> what happened? >> terrible things. i actually saw the maga comments in their context as the call and response increasingly disillusioned by a failing institution. a raven then land on my lap and screamed, chaos. and when it left, i had been demoted to political analysts on a saturday at 3:00 p.m. cable news show. >> make her stop. >> saturday at 3:00 p.m. is when me and the boys circle up and

chuck piping hot strawberry milk. >> let's just stick together. every time a maga republican says something bad, we respond, favoring trite palace stickering over cofvering people's lives. >> deal. here is your virtue signal holiday gift guide. obviously the holidays are all about fun and cheer. and nothing inspires more yuletide joy than giving everyone in your life a copy of how to be an anti-racist. charlotte? >> oh. one of my favorite gifts to give my family during the holidays is a nice pair of matching flannel pajamas. >> oh, so your family can sleep at night even with all the horrors going on in iran? interesting. jordan? >> i don't want to say mine. >> come on, it's the holidays. we're just having fun. >> okay. usually i just get people a nice pair of crocs. >> oh, so you assume everyone has feet? interesting. >> why are you doing this?

>> try it. >> no, i refuse. >> come on. it's the holidays. we're just having fun. >> that's what you said to jordan. >> i'm sure you're fine. >> okay. i recommend donating to the midwest access coalition abortion fund. >> jesus troy, the segment is supposed to be fun. say elf on dvd. >> okay. elf on dvd. >> you know, a lot of people can't afford gifts so maybe next time recommend a charity. >> what! >> i never give gifts. we focus too much on material possessions. it's just more, more, more. and that's the virtue signal holiday gift guide. i'm not an animal in a zoo you can gawk at. let's wrap it there. when "tooning out the news" returns, hot take interviews hillary clinton's chief of staff huma abedin on whether freeing brittney griner from russia might just fall close to low level drug offenders in our own prison. that's ahead. >> announcer: "tooning out the news" the podcast is available thursdays wherever you get your

podcasts.

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standing desk, is that usain bolt formatting spreadsheets? >> hey, it's host and hotel concierge arm wrestler tyler templeton alongside co-host, received three different marriage proposals ufc bonnie davis. co-host, bow and arrow section chatter box, susan shepherd and co-host whose natural disaster go back exclusively cologne,

austin sparks. harry and meghan's criticism of the royal family is an attack on the inbred. this is hot takes. ♪ what's up, basement stench lords. top story, we can now declare russia the winner of the cold war after general secretary joseph stalin biden swapped viktor bout known as the merchant of death, according to the one sentence i've read about him, for wnba star brittney griner who proudly twice won gold for the united states just so trump could have less of it. now, president trump, who masterfully negotiated the swapping of a thriving atlantic city for a pile of rebar and hypodermic needles, truth social, that he would have done way better and gotten zero americans home, writing i wouldn't have made the deal for a 100 people. that's right. trump is a hard bargainer. you can't get what you want from him unless you have at least ten

compliments for his calves. here to run interference on this basic humanity gaffe is chief of staff to hillary clinton rad ham and a author of life in many worlds, huma abedin. >> tooil, i'm so happy to be on the show with you. >> great to have you. now we are sworn enemies. why are people praising biden for liberating one american when trump liberated a billion covid suffering americans from the torture of existence? >> well, first of all, i had the great privilege of meeting brittney griner's wife cherelle a few weeks ago at a dinner. and i can only imagine the relief and the joy that they are experiencing right now with the release of britney. i worked at the state department. i have chapters about that experience in my book when hillary was secretary of state, when obama was president. every time an american is captured abroad or is imprisoned abroad, it is a priority for our

government to procure their release. and for every -- you know, hot take or every -- >> what hot take? >> every headline we see about a release or about a negotiation, there are hundreds of hours of real, very difficult conversations because in many cases you're dealing with governments that aren't necessarily our friends. >> hold on. biden releasing viktor bout is just a case of cronyism after they complained this country isn't big enough for two merchants of death. >> the russians are america's enemy unless we're talking about their war with ukraine, in which case what do we have against ru russia? >> james kcomey, he was looking into newly discovered hillary clinton's emails 11 days before the presidential election, which sounds bad until you remember it's almost twice the time god took to create the universe. but in your new book, you write i have slowly come to accept that i am not the sole cause of

the 2016 election loss. one man's decision to play god forever changed the course of history. it should not be my burden to carry the rest of my life. it should be his. huma, how did you manage to break free from what i thought was a foolproof culture programs women to blame themselves for everything? >> you know, i do think that we live in a culture frankly certainly here and maybe everywhere where we, as women, shoulder the burden, take the blame, assume it's our fault, in that particular case the very next morning after the election, it was the first thing i heard from a reporter when i walked out of the hotel after hillary conceded. and the question was, do you feel responsible for her loss? and i did. i did for a long time. >> you had nothing to do with hillary's loss. there's not a candidate that could recover from saying pokemon go.

>> a very special holiday hot take psa starring me and huma abedin. well, folks, it's christmas time. and in that spirit my dear friend huma abedin and i are putting aside our petty differences and focussing on the one big thing we all agree on. james comey sucks. democrats hate him because he meddled in the presidential election, denying this nation its first female president and republicans hate him because, well, i can't remember. but trump hates him, so i hate him, too. please consider joining huma and i in supporting the james comey project, which raises money to launch comey through a cactus and into the grand canyon. huma, i'll match your donation. how much can we put you down for? >> i'll have to -- you know, part of my recovery, tyler, is to forgive and move on and not carry resentment. and so i can't put a price on that. >> in summary, huma is my

spiritual opposite. all right, i have to go dig a tunnel to impress these guys i met called the tunnel boys. so that's all the time we have. thank you to my co-host and huma abedin. thanks, huma. >> thanks for having me. i loved this interview. >> i love you, too, mommy. i mean, crap. no. when "tooning out the news" returns, it's a special christmas holiday edition of "i'm not done." sting around. >> announcer: following "tooning >> announcer: following "tooning out the news" on faceboo ever leave your clothes in the dryer and find a wrinkled mess? try downy wrinkle guard fabric softener! wrinkle guard penetrates deep into fibers, leaving clothes so soft, wrinkles don't want to stick around. make mornings smoother with downy wrinkle guard fabric softener.

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♪ what magic it would be...♪ switch to boost ♪ to see you ♪ ♪ (siren) disasters don't take a break for the holidays. with your help, neither does the red cross. ♪ welcome back. let's wrap out 2022 with a holiday edition of "i'm not done." ♪ austin, what's ahead on tonight's sparks? >> thanks, tyler. unless you've been chugging too

much eggnog, you know i'm the host of "tooning out the news" -- oh, no they didn't, late night show sparks. you'll love tonight's episode, if you're on santa's naughty list. first up, representative paul gosar and i pour super hot hot chocolate down our pants. ouchy. then, victoria jackson and i sing the 12 days of christmas into an oscillating fan. it sounds insane. finally, i eat a ginger bread man. but first, you'll laugh your jingle bells off. mama mia, that's a spicy holiday. >> i love how everybody is just a touch out of focus. >> i know, right? >> right? >> don't forget, folks, "tooning out the news" returns on january 18th after an all new daily show. happy holidays, everyone! - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪