tv The Daily Show Comedy Central January 17, 2023 11:00pm-11:30pm PST
11:00 pm
thank you... sensei. and ditto. i told dwight that there is honor in losing, which as we all know is completely ridiculous. but there is however honor in making a loser feel better, which is what i just did for dwight. would i rather be feared or loved? um, easy. both. i want people to be afraid of how much they love me. and i think i proved that today at the dojo. typewriter torture. sensei, help. typewriter torture. no. typewriter. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america. this is the show that invented news. it is "the daily show" with your host leslie jones!
11:01 pm
[cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> leslie: hey! [cheers and applause] whoo! what's going on, everybody? welcome to "the daily show." i'm leslie jones! [cheers and applause] whoo! yo, we got so much to talk about tonight. but first, i would like to give a shout out to trevor noah. one of the things that moved me so much in his last show, he said, "if you want to truly learn about america, talk to black women." well, guess who's coming to dinner, baby! [cheers and applause] we got a great show for you. morris chestnut is here. [cheers and applause] all right. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪
11:02 pm
[cheers and applause] yeah! you guys remember that for the past six months, we've been roasting the shit out of donald trump for keeping classified documents at his house? and i have to agree! what kind of moron, i mean, what kind of irresponsible piece of shit would keep classified documents at his house? i mean, he's got to be the only dumbass that would do something so stupid! >> breaking news from the white house. more classified documents were found in president biden's delaware home. [applause] [cheers and applause] >> leslie: just roll the damn tape. >> this morning, president biden is facing growing calls for transparency from republicans and even some democrats amid the special counsel's investigation
11:03 pm
into his handling of classified documents after he left the obama administration. pressure is mounting after this weekend, the white house counsel's office said additional pages of classified documents were discovered inside the president's delaware home. it comes after about a dozen initially discovered at mr. biden's private office, including at least one document marked top secret, according to that followed by two batches discovered in delaware including inside his garage. >> classified material next to your corvette, what were you thinking? >> by the way, my corvette is in a locked garage, okay, so it's not like they are sitting out on the street. >> leslie: what! this is a national security emergency, okay? a man this old with access to a corvette? [cheers and applause] no. i don't know what's more scary, biden losing the nuclear codes
11:04 pm
or biden going 85 on the highway. biden, please do not drive that corvette! yo ass can't even ride a bike! [applause] let me tell you something, he probably loves talking about the scandal because it gives him a chance to talk about his corvette. "hey, everybody, i've got stolen documents next to my sweet corvette! go, greased lightnin', you're burnin' up the quarter mile. greased lightnin', go, greased lightnin'!" [cheers and applause] and look, i know this is a big scandal, but honestly, i think these documents were pretty safe at biden's house. because it's hard to find anything in an old man's garage.
11:05 pm
"grandpa! where's the documents?!" "it's by the leaf blower!" "you have six leaf blowers , grandpa!" but can i just say this for a minute? i am so disappointed in you, joe biden. because this is the trump scandal you copy? stealing documents? you could have been blackballs deep in porn stars, you dumb [bleep]! [applause] but there's a bigger problem here. because first, it was trump, now it's biden. what i need to know is, who is in charge of these documents? who is the bitch who is freely giving out classified documents? [cheers and applause] who the [bleep] is this person?
11:06 pm
"what's up, yo? want to get the documents? check this out, though. i just came back from lunch, and i smoked the biggest spliff i have ever rolled. so it is your lucky day. i will hook you up with any documents you need. just take what you want. but wait. i'm going to need to get you to sign, hold on, let me get something for you to sign -- you know what. i will remember you. i trust you. i trust -- but you got to be cool, son. you got to be cool with these documents, okay? where are you going to hide the mat? in the corvette? [bleep], you got a corvette! take whatever you need. you are a g."
11:07 pm
[cheers and applause] oh, my god! [laughs] okay, but let's move on. let me show you what is going on in boston. >> a monument meant to honor the reverend dr. martin luther king jr. and his wife coretta scott king's legacy facing something backlash. it's called the embrace. the statue was unveiled friday on the boston common. it was inspired by a photograph of the couple hugging after dr. king won the nobel peace prize back in 1964. so look at the hands in the picture. the art piece features the couple's arms during the embrace and not their heads, which has sparked a mixed reaction. >> leslie: has anyone in here ever been [bleep] out? [cheers and applause] i'm serious! i'm serious!
11:08 pm
has anyone ever participated in the munch munching munch munch? cause they are celebrating you in boston. they are celebrating you in boston right now. [cheers and applause] listen, listen, i know doctor cain went down in history, but this is not -- how it should be. and let me tell you something. even though i'm about to go straight hard on this statue, i got to talk to the white people for a second. white people, you don't need to be saying shit about this statue. you understand? black hands only. you need to sit your ass in the back of the bus for this one, okay? you need to honor this statue.
11:09 pm
that is a civil rights icon. [applause] going down on his wife. you show damn respect! [cheers and applause] okay, black people: what the [bleep] are we going to do? we got to talk about this, we got to talk about this because you know it's messed up when black people and the proud boys hate the same statue. but i don't know, i don't know, i mean, i guess, maybe we will end up liking it, you know what i'm saying? we might end up liking it. did you know that people hated the eiffel tower when it first went up? you know, the french people was like, "it ruins zee skyline.
11:10 pm
oh -- "that is the worst impression of a french person ever done in the history. what about christ the redeemer? i bet when they first put it up, it just looked like jesus was like, "what's up? why y'all kill me?" but now everybody loves it. so maybe it's just a matter of time. maybe it's just a matter of time. in time, we will see the statue for what it truly is. martin luther king going down on his wife. i can't unsee it. i can't unsee it. it is what it is! [applause] you know what, i can't just talk about this myself. i need another black woman on my side. y'all, give it up for
11:11 pm
dulce sloan, everyone. [cheers and applause] >> girl, i mean, it's -- >> leslie: what do you think about this statue? >> listen, now i know that you thought it looked like -- >> leslie: he's going down on coretta. >> from the angle that you saw. from the angle i saw, it looks like... it looks like hands cradling a big penis. like a bronze at that got left out in the sun. no matter which way you look at it, it's a different erotic to act right? it is a rubik's cube. every time you spin it, you just got to pick it up and move it around. because you never solved one. none of us has ever solved one. don't act surprised. do they ever get a martin statue
11:12 pm
right? >> leslie: never. >> look at this statue. i mean, what the hell is this? the man literally marched for freedom and his statue don't have no legs? you know why people like the mona lisa? because i can see the bitch. and she's giving fierce, she's giving unbothered, she's giving legacy. am i pretty? doesn't matter, i'm famous. [applause] now say what you will about them goofy ass conservatives but they know how to make a statue. it's a white dude on a horse. it's always a white dude on a horse. there is no confusion! so listen, that's what the liberals need to do. make a statue of mlk, in his suit, on a horse!
11:13 pm
[applause] >> leslie: yeah, but did mlk have a horse? >> i don't know! and neither do y'all! so put him on a horse, put him on a throne -- hell, put him in joe biden's corvette! [applause] at least we would know who it was. because you know what, mais leslie? >> leslie: yes, baby? >> i also have a dream. i have a dream of an mlkarms in the right place. >> leslie: amen! >> a statue that doesn't look like a sex act. because right now, it looks like a penis. >> leslie: hallelujah. >> if you want there to be a penis, then fine, you can give him a penis.
11:14 pm
the great martin luther king had a penis. so they say. but don't make that great man, give him a good, christian penis, and put it where a penis is supposed to go. because i know a couple places where a penis is supposed to go, leslie, i'm telling you -- >> leslie: okay, okay, you write, you write. [cheers and applause] bring it back to mlk, bring it back to mlk. >> you all got to be careful, i have a dress on. >> leslie: y'all, give it up for dulce! [cheers and applause] when we come back -- [laughter] when we come back, i'll find out what you did on mlk day. so don't go away! [cheers and applause]
11:15 pm
(vo) the fully electric audi e-tron family is here. with models that fit any lifestyle. and innovative ways to make your e-tron your own. through elegant design and progressive technology. all the exhilaration, none of the compromise. the audi e-tron family. progress that moves you. playoff time baby, games, snacks, drinks. i mean, what else can you ask for, bro? really? hand me some lays. ♪♪
11:16 pm
peyton, eli, road trip to the super bowl! we're not going. i'm going to get more chips and drinks. do not leave this room. technically i didn't leave the room. ♪ good for you, ♪ ♪ you are doing great without me, baby ♪ ♪ god, i wish that i could do that ♪ it does kinda open things up a little bit. the insurance company enwasn't fair.ity y ca ♪ god, i wish that i could do that ♪ i didn't know what my case was worth, so i called the barnes firm.
11:17 pm
llll theararnes rmrm now the best result possible. ♪ call one eight hundred, eight million ♪ i d d so my y quesonons eouout hicacase.y y son, ♪ call one eight hundred, cacalledhehe bars s fillion ♪ i d d soit was the best call eouout hii could've made. call the barnes firm and find out what your case all could be worth.uld've made. ♪ call one eight hundred, eight million ♪ [upbeat music] [sound of tape application]
11:18 pm
11:19 pm
11:20 pm
and a lot of those ways are wrong. so i went around new york yesterday to find out how people were celebrating. so check it out. >> leslie: since "the daily show" finally hired a black host, we can properly celebrate martin luther king day by asking new yorkers how they celebrate his legacy. shut up. don't interrupt me on martin luther king day. that ain't cool. so let's do this. do y'all know what today is? >> you know what it is today? >> it's monday. >> leslie: what did you do today? >> today, we just broke up. >> just checked out of our hotel. >> we are going to go get coffee come walk around. >> leslie: so which one of those celebrates martin luther king day? >> well, none of what we have talked about so far. >> leslie: so this ain't reparations, but this is enough. that's right.
11:21 pm
give me one hand. yeah! what are you all doing to celebrate mlk? >> came to new york. >> leslie: came to new york? that's that? that's all you going to do? >> went to some shows, get some food, do some shopping. >> leslie: i will get back to dr. king on juneteenth and y'all better have done better. refused to move to the back of the b bus. that was rosa parks! name a famous mlk quote. >> i have a dream. >> i have a dream. >> leslie: and what does he say after that? >> i am not sure. >> leslie: name a famous mlk quote. besides "i have a dream." >> besides "i have a dream?" >> leslie: i will pay you $1 million if you can tell me something else that martin luther king said. >> he told his children that he
11:22 pm
loved them. >> leslie: million dollars! [laughter] you do not know. [laughter] >> can we google it? >> leslie: no! >> i have a dream. that one day... oh, gosh. >> leslie: i have a dream that one day, why people actually know what is in that damn speech. name five black people. that's the only black person you know? >> five? byron leftwich. >> leslie: who is byron leftwich? ain't nobody know him. you making up names. how are you celebrating you celebrating martin luther king? >> um, not too sure eric was the one that's what he died for cumberland? not doing nothing on his day? no, i'm just getting you. you can do whatever you want. >> we are going to go see "the lion king." got king in the name.
11:23 pm
[laughter] >> leslie: that's the closest you can get. >> the freedom and liberty to go about and do what you want to do, that is how i celebrated. >> leslie: that's a quote from a black woman right there. she earned that. she earned that. >> we do what we want to do. >> leslie: it's her birthday! how old are you? >> i'm 50. >> leslie: what! you still need lotion, though. [laughter] [cheers and applause] >> leslie: all right, stay tuned because when we come back, morris chestnut will be joining me on the show! so don't go away! [cheers and applause]
11:25 pm
this electric feels different... because it's powered by the most potent source of energy there is ... you. this is the lexus variety of electrification ... inspired by, created for and powered by you. ♪ ♪if you start me up♪ ♪if you start me up, i'll never stop♪ ♪if you start me up♪ applebee's all you can eat is back for just $14.99! ♪turn it up with cheetos,♪
11:26 pm
♪now you're getting it on my clothes.♪ ♪and if the sky is looking grey,♪ ♪turn it up and have them lays♪ ♪let's turn up the snacks (cheetos!)♪ ♪let's turn up the snacks (lays!)♪ unbox the icons with frito-lay variety packs. ♪♪ i'm not looking for another job. i'm looking for the right culture. somewhere that has that certain something, that isn't listed in the job description. even though it should be. ♪♪ [cheers and applause]
11:27 pm
>> leslie: welcome back to "the daily show"! my guest tonight is an actor and producer you know from "boyz in the hood" and the "best man" franchise. he's here to talk about the new limited series, "the best man: the final chapters," which is streaming right now on peacock. >> you seem quite preoccupied. >> oh, yeah, guess i'm a little off. >> what do you need to do to get back on, mr. american? >> i'm not sure. why? do you have any suggestions? >> well, i'm about to go for a run. you are welcome to join if you can keep up. >> of course i can keep up. i'm a world-class -- wait, hold on. >> leslie: please welcome morris chestnut! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> thank you so much. [cheers and applause]
11:28 pm
what's up, everybody? all right! [cheers and applause] leslie jones! i am on the leslie jones show. [laughs] >> leslie: oh, my god! morris chestnut! >> [laughs] [cheers and applause] thank you, guys, thank you. >> leslie: oh, my god! you are the epitome of black don't crack, bro! you are beautiful! >> thank you. let me just say, first of all, you were so kind and generous, from the whole cast and the whole production, thank you for all of the posts you did when the streaming came out. we truly appreciate you. >> leslie: i am telling the truth, it is one of the best things i have watched in a long time. >> thank you, thank you. [cheers and applause] >> leslie: and i knew -- i knew it was going to be good because you guys have great actors. y'all are already good actors. it's a great plot, you have a great director, and you spent time on everything. it is just so appreciated. >> thank you so much. and thank you for watching.
11:29 pm
thank all you guys for watching, everybody out there. [cheers and applause] >> leslie: so good. now the one thing i appreciate about the franchise is how they have black men being friends and being real. how do you think -- how important it is do you think the portrayal of friendships and relationships between black men as portrayed on tv? >> i think it was very important for our movie. just for the -- because listen, there is life that happens, there's drama that happens, you are friends with somebody long enough, there's bound to be some types of disagreements and arguments and all that type of situation. however, with our film, it shows that you can overcome that. no matter what your differences are, no matter what type of arguments or disagreements you get into, as a brotherhood, you can still come together and be there for your brothers. so i think that it's one of the things that has helped this series prevail throughout the years. [cheers and applause] >> leslie: you know, i think -- yes, definitely! [cheers and applause] one of my favorite scenes is when he is going through the
11:30 pm
divorce, and you guys came over and just started sitting at the table, like, we about to play cards, fool, that just made my heart. but i will tell you my favorite part, the way you dealt with your son. >> oh, yes. >> leslie: it was so good. everything -- every time you would pray, i'd be like, you have the wrong prayers. you got the wrong prayers. "make god change him." "make god change him." but when you finally said, "god change me," it -- i bawled! i bawled! >> thank you, thank you, thank you. >> leslie: i hope you get all the awards! seriously, that was so good. >> thank you. that story line was tough for me because it was so new. the pronouns, and something that really hasn't been explored too much -- >> leslie: especially in the black community. >> especially in the black community. i was on the fence because they don't really know why my character feels the way that he feels. people can come to their own conclusions. so it was a tough story line for me. eric was a great actor that played my son. the way
249 Views
1 Favorite
Uploaded by TV Archive on