here. so the next time he goes to the bathroom, i'll distract him. you take that. - ok, yeah. i know what to do. ok. oh, yeah. oh, that's great. shh. (yelling) aah! aah! welcome to the club, pig! ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! no, dwight! ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! aah! no, it does matter who ends up sitting next to pam when i'm gone. people around you are basically who you end up spending your life with. i mean, because of where my desk was, i spent all those years looking at pam. and i fell in love. so that stuff matters, definitely does. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america... it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, leslie jones! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] >> leslie: yeah! what's going on, everybody? thank you! thank you! [laughs] welcome to "the daily show!" i'm leslie jones! and this is my last night makin' this desk my bitch! [cheers and applause] so let's get to these headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] okay, you guys. who in here is excited about rihanna at the super bowl? [cheers and applause] so pumped.

yes! everybody! everybody! everybody's excited. everybody's excited. well, almost everybody. >> sportscaster stephen a. smith learns the hard way you better watch what you say about rihanna. >> members of the rihanna navy, as they've known, have been gunning for him all day long following his appearance on "the sherri shepherd show," take a listen. >> are you excited for this halftime show? >> i don't want to say i'm not excited. she's fantastic. there's one thing she's not. she ain't beyonce. [boos] >> i know she's not beyonce, but wait a minute, hold on, hold on -- >> leslie: dude, no! why would you do this to yourself? you know what, stephen a. smith, you need to act like your hair line and the [bleep] off! [applause] now the good news is that he did

apologize. the bad news is, his apology. >> i want rihanna to know, you're a superstar. your sensational. and you are a worthy person to be doing the super bowl halftime show. i apologize for creating whatever brouhaha comes of this. i got to be more careful with people twisting and turning into something it ain't. my bad on that. now i got to go. good luck, sweetie. looking forward to seeing you perform. [boos] >> leslie: oh oh, how dare you call rihanna sweetie? you calling her sweetie like you know her? she don't know you. but you know who she does know? beyonce! [cheers and applause] and neither one of these ladies needs your opinion, sweetie.

while you are trying to save your life and it back of that dark ass bus. all right. let's move on. now everybody, this here is the "the daily show." i know there are some people out here thinking, as she ever going to talk about policy, or is she going to spend all week saying "pussy pussy pussy"? well, don't worry, i take this job seriously. you want me to talk about the debt ceiling? i will talk about the debt ceiling. so the debt ceiling is kind of like america's pussy. [applause] four pussies in a row. i love it. you know what, i'll let the news explain it. >> the u.s. has had the national

debt limit. >> once the u.s. hits the upper limit of what it could legally borrow to run the government, the treasury department now starts juggling with "extraordinary measures." deferring investments into important retirement funds, for example, for public servants. various accounting moves could buy some time, and keep the bills paid until maybe june. >> leslie: damn, america is broke as hell! america is so broken, the government might have to resort to extraordinary measures, like taxing the rich, or not going to war all the time. you know, crazy shit like that! [cheers and applause] but here is my question. where the [bleep] is the money going? we don't have anything to show for it? we have a homeless crisis, we've got medical bills. where is the money going? you know what -- exactly. [cheers and applause]

please, please tell me that biden has spent it on developing a "black panther" suit. now i am still a little lost with this debt ceiling crisis, but lucky for me, i know someone who can help me explain it. y'all give it up for desi lydic! [cheers and applause] desi! >> thank you! [cheers and applause] all right, leslie, i got you. no the debt ceiling might seem complicated but let's think about it like this. say you have opened a chase sapphire card with a $10,000 limit, and you factored out on, i don't know, gucci handbags and laser facials. then, you get screwed because you have to pay for your kid's glasses because his dumb teacher says he's having trouble reading in class. and when you can't get that teacher fired, you have to get the bank to raise your credit

limit, or else your husband will find out and you promised him you were done stealing credit card numbers. and that is pretty much the situation america is in. [applause] >> leslie: did that happen to you? >> these are just examples. i'm just saying america is in a bit of financial trouble and you do not want to get in too deep. you know, it's like how we all have gambling debts. >> leslie: uh, no, i don't have gambling debts. >> no, i don't either! but let's say, hypothetically, that i owed a lot of money to the russian mob because i was convinced that this was the season the knicks would turn it around. >> leslie: desi, desi, everyone knows the knicks will never turn it around! >> well, yeah, that's obvious

now. the point is, sometimes you need to find more money and fast. just like america does. and until then, america will have to find ways to pay the bills. like selling one of its kidneys, or begging for venmo donations. [cheers and applause] but look, it's okay. i don't want anyone to stress because of it doesn't work, america can always get out of debt by running to mexico and changing its name. the one thing you want to think about is you don't want the name to be too similar. like, you can't go from anastasia to anna maria. you can and they go from anastasia to desi. >> leslie: is that with you did? [laughs] >> oh, my god, no, of course not. anastasia is dead. yeah. she died in a horrific car fire

and her remains were too charred to be identified. >> leslie: desi, if you need money, you know i could help you, right? >> oh, leslie, that means a lot, but no. i would never beg you for money on a show that the irs watches. and if i did do that, it certainly wouldn't be for this amount. >> leslie: damn, what did you do, buy twitter? >> no, i am not that wasteful. but maybe you can spot me just a little bit so i don't get to my pinkies broken a gun? >> leslie: okay, look, desi, i can pay a little bit of this but you got to promise me that you do not gamble it. >> leslie... i promise you, i will not gamble it away. >> leslie: okay, all right. >> i am putting it on the giants

this weekend. that is not a gamble. that is a walk! that is a lock! [cheers and applause] >> leslie: oh, man. y'all, give it up for desi lydic! [cheers and applause] when we come back, i'm gonna talk to the fellas so don't go away. girl, we are going to talk about this. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> leslie: welcome back to "the daily show"! listen, i watch the news for three reasons: weather, traffic, and michael strahan's sexy-ass mouth. mmm, mmm, mmm! you got to blur that out. you can't show that sexy hole on tv! i'm trying to run a tv show over here! but every time i turn on the news, there's one thing i see more than anything: men losing their shit. >> another shocking incident on a plane as two passengers duke

it out right before takeoff. >> a man went on a bottle breaking rampage. store workers say a customer got irate when they refused to sell him liquor at a discount. >> it's a shocking road rage incident going viral. these two knuckleheads are fighting like medieval knights in battle. >> leslie: why does every guy i think if he gets a sword in his hand, he is going to automatically be stephen segal? but when he actually gets it in his hand, he's like jerry lewis. [laughs] "i'm going to hit you in the back!" it's crazy, though. this stuff is happening all the time. every night on the news, lester holt has to shout: "worldstar!" and it's all because of men who can't control their anger! men! why are you so mad? you need to calm yo ass da [bleep] down! [cheers and applause]

but since you can't do it yourselves, i decided i'm gonna help you calm down, in tonight's installment of "long story short." [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ now we know that women are going through it, but we have to acknowledge that men are going through it too. you guys are angry, you are depressed, and you are lonely. in fact, 15% of men say they have zero -- zero friends. and the other 85%? they don't have friends either, but they were too sad to fill out the survey! no friends! i mean, women got our problems but we always have some home girls. you know what i'm saying? we got them. but men have nobody. so what do they do? they take all those emotions and they bottle that shit up. and then they throw that bottle

at the cashier! now luckily, there is a tool that can help you with all of this: therapy! [cheers and applause] therapy is them. they're like prostitutes for the feelings! the problem is, men don't use it! in fact, they're almost half as likely to go to therapy as women. men out here treating therapy like nick cannon treats condoms. they're here to help you, nick. [cheers and applause] why won't you use them? goddamn it, nick! goddamn it! [cheers and applause]

the question is, why won't you men goink th same reason you won't eat a popsicle in front of anybody, because you're scared they'll think you a little bitch. >> herapy works for women but it does not work for men. >> sitting around talking about your feelings isn't gonna do shit for you. [bleep] how you feel, go to the gym, lift heavy weights, be a man. >> therapy is not action. therapy is sitting and crying and complaining. if you feel depressed, you go to the gym, you do something, you don't sit and cry about it. [boos] >> leslie: ew! andrew tate! weren't you just arrested for selling bitches? if anyone needs therapy, it's this naked ass hotdog! so [bleep] off! and what's this "be a man" shit? what do you think being a man is?

cause that's not what women think it is! being a man means taking care of your mental health just as much as you take care of your physical health. [cheers and applause] these dudes will use everything else for therapy except actual therapy. they're like, "running is my therapy." no! running is running! therapy needs to be your therapy! [cheers and applause] everyone -- i mean, everyone i know who does marathons is [bleep] up. if they were at peace with they wouldn't be running until they pissed themselves. they'd be at home watching netflix like everybody else! but we know why men think this way. cause starting from a young age,

we teach them that they can't have feelings. >> we are taught at a really young age: don't cry, have no fear. >> when you cry, does it make you feel like a failure? >> there's that -- that's that sense of sitting there going, why am i crying? i shouldn't be crying about this. >> there was this one time i was with my friend, he looked at me, started crying. he just said, i think i just need a hug. and we, i hugged him and afterwards, we both looked at each other and we were like, we're never gonna say anything to anyone. >> leslie: that sad! y'all see that! y'all see what you men are teaching these boys! you know what? i need two men to hug right now. that's right! that's right! hug! [cheers and applause] whoo! this desk makes me feel like i got power! [cheers and applause]

but a hug? that is what men want to keep private? but you'll airdrop your dick pics to strangers on the subway. priorities, fellas! but look, if men's issues only affected themselves, i'd stay the hell out of their business. but the problem here is that men not going to therapy is affecting women, okay? depressed men are more likely to commit domestic violence, they are more likely to commit abuse, place, instead of going to the therapist, they using dates like therapy! yeah. yeah. every woman in here knows what i'm talking about! some dude you just met on tinder telling you about how his dad loves his brother more. well, give me your brother's number then! [cheers and applause] maybe i'll like him better, too! because this is not making me

horny! you definitely should talk to someone, but a professional, not me. and what's so messed up, is even if the date goes well, guess what! men with depression are twice as likely to have problems with their dick! which shouldn't be a surprise. if you're depressed, you're dick's gonna be sad, too. [laughs] if you're walking around miserable, your dick is also gonna be like, "swing low, sweet chariot... nobody knows the trouble i've seen..."

if you like those songs, you can check out my playlist, "sad be 28" -- sad dick on spotify. so long story short, men: go to therapy! please! it's okay! all right. stay tuned because coming up is charlamagne! and we are going to see what he thinks about all of this. we will be right back! [cheers and applause] welcome to the next level. this is the lexus nx with intuitive tech... (beeps) car: watch for traffic

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[cheers and applause] >> leslie: welcome back to

"the daily show"! my guest today is a radio legend and author and leading voice in mental health discussion. you know him from "the breakfast club" on the iheartradio. please welcome charlamagne tha god! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> what up, leslie? [cheers and applause] what's happening, what's happening, what's happening? what up, leslie? >> leslie: man, we have never got to actually meet. we've been in the same places, we crossed paths. have we ever met? >> we said hi to each other backstage at "snl." >> leslie: yes, baby. i am so glad to finally get to talk to you. >> you look very at home here. >> leslie: thank you very much. >> absolutely. [cheers and applause] >> leslie: i'm trying. >> i must say, having a depressed dick playlist is nuts. jesus christ. >> leslie: would you play it on the show is the question? >> it would be soft and subtle.

[laughter] >> leslie: well, okay, let's just get into it. now i want you to explain to me, why do you think men are so scared of therapy? >> oh, man, i think it is societal, you know? for me, it came from my father, because my father, he went to therapy two or three times a week, and my father, he was on ten to 12 different medications for his mental health issues but he never told me that. i didn't find that out until november of 2018 after i wrote a book about it and after i started discussing my own issues. i remember asking my mom, like, mom, did you know dad was going through all of that? she said, i thought he was playing crazy to get a check. that is what they did in the state of south carolina, they would give him a check because they couldn't figure out what he was going through. i was like, i was dealing with anxiety my whole life, dealing with bouts of depression. if he would have told me that back then, then i would've had the tools much, much earlier. but what i do, i learned this

from my therapist, you got to give your parents grace. you got to give your parents grace. [cheers and applause] you've got to give them grace because they were doing the best they could with what they had, like, we take for granted that we are the first generation that has the luxury of healing. that generation, they were scratching and surviving. >> leslie: absolutely. >> listen, i love my father. i love him to death but i saw myself turning into him. and i saw myself, you know, really indulging in the drugs, really indulging in the alcohol, really indulging in other women, not treating my woman the way i needed to. i was like, yo, for somebody that i thought i resented because of how i saw him treating my mom, i am becoming just like him. >> leslie: do you think that is why black men don't talk about therapy? they feel like they are snatching on themselves? >> [laughs] i think we just don't be having the tools, we don't be having the resources. i think we have it now because we are having more conversations. [applause]