- hi, we're here to visit our good friends tweek and craig.

- oh, well, i suppose a quick visit is okay. maybe you kids can cheer them up. - hey, guys, how are you feeling? - ah. - ugh. - well, we just came by because we have something to tell you. - yeah, see, we got you to fight just 'cause we wanted to see who was the toughest. we made up all that stuff we said to get you guys mad at each other. - yes, you can flip us off, craig. we deserve that. we just came by to apologize. we feel so bad. - boy, do we ever. - so i guess we'll be going now. and we'll just live with the knowledge that you're both kind of sissies. - what? - what? - well, i mean, that's what was on the news. - what was on the news? - oh, you didn't see it? tweek's family was on the news saying what a wuss you are, craig. - huh? - yeah, and then craig's family came on and said tweek was the wuss, and then punched tweek's mom in the hooters. - ah, you son of a bitch. - i'm gonna kick your ass! - come on, tweek, you got him. - sumo technique, craig, sumo technique.

♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america... it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, wanda sykes! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> wanda: hey, what's going on, everybody?

welcome to "the daily show!" i'm wanda sykes! [cheers and applause] wow! hey! all right. that's enough! welcome to "the daily show." i'm wanda sykes and i will be your host this week. yeah, my wife asked me to load the dishwasher and i needed an out. so i am so happy to be here. we've got a great show for you tonight. we've got a lot of news to cover, we've got my friend mike epps in the house. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] i don't know how your 2023 is going, but it has not been going

well for president joe biden. just when we were ready to move onto the next scandal, the fbi searched his house for 13 hours on friday, and they found even more classified documents! at this point, the fbi is just decluttering biden's house for him. they're like marie kondo going around his rooms like, "this list of spies does not spark joy." [applause] honestly, this doesn't bother me at all. come on, the man has been in public office for 238 years. i bet you most of the shit he has isn't even classified any more. you read his notes and it's like, "keep an eye on this hitler guy!" this is history now.

they are teaching this stuff in schools. well, not in florida, but you know. by the way, some of you might not know, but before doing standup, i worked at nsa for seven years. yeah, that's true! i had a top secret clearance and everything. thanked me for my service, damn it! [cheers and applause] so i got to say, this story has me a little concerned. i'm sitting here thinking, "damn, what is in my garage? i put that back, right? yeah, yeah, i put that back." but in biden's defense, at least he is cooperating with the fbi searches, right? [cheers and applause] in fact, he's been so cooperative, it makes me wonder if he's hoping they do work around the house for him. you know, is biden like,

"i think i have some documents up in the gutters, you might need to clear the leaves out first." "i know jill would love that, she would love that." all right, check this story out: this weekend, the church of england announced that it will now allow its clergy to bless same-sex marriages, but they're still not going to allow the actual wedding to happen in the church. but to be honest, this is also how i feel about any destination wedding. i ain't gonna be there, but good for y'all! [cheers and applause] not bad. okay, let's move on. normally, i don't find funerals funny. but here is a story about a funeral that i found hilarious, because this funeral has donald trump, and that guy can

turn anything into a joke. maybe you have heard of diamond and silk, those two sisters who were always showing up at his rallies? praising him on tv? setting the black race back 50 years? you know those two. trump held meeting with them's, he would invite them to the oval office, he would point at them and say, "see, black people love me!" well, sadly, diamond passed away a few days ago. yeah. and silk said that she wanted trump to speak at the funeral, because the three of them were so close. at least, silk thought the three of them were close, until trump started to speak.. >> and you know the world has lost one of its brightest stars, real star, but i see that we have another star who is equal to, but she stepped up and she is different. i'm serious, i thought i knew them both, i didn't. i knew -- i knew diamond, but i

didn't know silk at all. i just learned about silk, you're fantastic. you're going to carry on beyond anybody's wildest imagination. >> wanda: oh, my god, trump showed up to that funeral like, "diamond's dead, but i'm gonna bury silk. yeah, there's room for two in that casket." i mean, come on. to say you know diamond but don't know silk is wild because they are always together! that's like saying, "i know bert, but i never heard of this ernie fella, what's his deal?" [applause] "i thought "sister, sister" was just called sister." knowing trump, he probably only has room for one black woman in

a brain at a time. if he turns on the tv right now, he'll be like, "wow, diamond's hosting "the daily show!" [applause] "you know, a week ago she was dead, but thanks to me, she is risen!" and finally, did you guys watch the football game last night? the 49ers-cowboys? yeah. i tuned in to see if the dallas kicker would keep missing extra points. and he did come he just kept missing them. it was bad because the commentators said, i don't think he will put that him back out there to kick again. i just thought of his poor family watching, you know? his kids sitting there. "they are not going to let daddy kick anymore?" [laughs] it was awful. but then i saw something even more horrifying. it was an ad that was just for oil and gas.

not any particular oil or gas company. just oil and gas in general. check it out. ♪ ♪ >> well, what if we lived in a world without oil and natural gas? life would be very different. because oil and gas are part of just about everything you touch. from the stuff you wear, to the stuff in your hair, and so much more. our world would be unrecognizable if the products we rely on just disappear. better luck next time. >> wanda: those greedy, oily bastards. this proves we are doing something right because they are getting nervous because we are buying electric cars, we are searching to solar energy. [cheers and applause] and they are like, but we also

make footballs? but you know what, i will agree with them on one thing. if there was no oil, our world would be unrecognizable. it would look like this. what's that green shit on the bottom? is that grass? i heard about that in history class. what's with all of that shit that disappeared into dust? they stole that right from "the avengers." that's from "the avengers." 's of these guys were like, we need to improve our image. everybody likes thanos. for more on just how damaging oil is to the planet, let's go to michael kosta, who is at an oil spill down on the gulf coast. [cheers and applause]

michael. wow. good lord. it looks horrible down there. >> no, it doesn't. >> wanda: all those birds are covered in oil. >> yeah, but think about how many birds there are in the world, you know? probably hundreds. and i am willing to let these birds suffer if that means we can keep enjoying the miracle liquid that is oil. >> wanda: what? did that bullshit commercial actually convince you? >> all commercials convince me. it's why i have 15 insurance policies, all my money is in crypto, and in the 2000s, i was always saying "wazzzupp"! and this commercial made some really great points. without oil, we would lose so many precious products. like hair gel. or the bottle the hair gel comes in. or the chemicals are used to get the hair gel out of my hair.

and that is just my hair, wanda. think about how much hair is in the world. probably hundreds. >> wanda: okay, we get it. you've got oily ass hair. speaking of which, what about the damage oil is doing to our bodies? i mean, kids are growing up with asthma now. >> yeah, and the asthma keeps the kids from smoking cigarettes. it is actually a thank you, oil. >> wanda: and what about the planet, michael? it is breaking down the great barrier reef. >> okay, i thought we were supposed to be breaking down barriers. c, who is the feminist now? >> wanda: okay, i think your hair gel is leaking into your brain. >> trust me, wanda, my find is brain, my fine it's very brain. but i will tell you what, let's imagine your fantasy world without oil, because all the

things you would love would be gone, like, see these birds covered in oil? if oil didn't exist? they would be gone. >> wanda: why would the birds disappear if oil didn't exist? wouldn't the oil on the birds just just appear? >> do you know how hard it is to get oil off a bird? it's easier to just get rid of the birds. and its last bird poop to track into my lambo check it out, candy apple red. >> wanda: you bought a lamborghini? oh, okay, now it's all making sense. the oil companies paid you to say this shit. >> of course they didn't. no, i was paid by an coalition of super ethical energy providers. be right, and who pays them? >> wanda, who pays anyone? i don't make decisions because someone pays me. i make decisions by taking a long, hard look in the mirror and asking myself, wazzup!!

and the great thing about bedrock as you can drill into it to get more of that sweet, sweet oil. >> wanda: all right, michael, i can play this game too. if you are getting rid of birds, i am getting rid of your lamborghini! >> no, come on! not my 'ghini! that was candy apple red! come on, wanda. >> wanda: serves you right! michael kosta, everyone! [cheers and applause] all right, when we come back, roy wood, jr. asks london what they think about america's guns. [cheers and applause] with ally, spending money on what you need... can help you save money for what you want. we automatically scan your spending, to find you savings. for everything we do, we're all better off with an ally.

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[cheers and applause] >> wanda: welcome back to "the daily show." over the weekend, america had yet another mass shooting, this time in monterey park, california. tragically, 11 people lost their lives, and we send our thoughts and prayers to the victims and the ones recovering. and sadly, that's all we do in this country. because it only happens here. and why is that? well, we all know the answer, but we sent roy wood jr. oversees any way double check. >> a little while back, i

traveled to marry old england, a country that has all kinds of weapons, swords, shields, wooden catapults, terrible massage chairs, even magic wands. but the one weapon you don't see is guns. so i wanted to find out why in my new segment "roy meets world." >> where are you from? >> north yorkshire. >> do you feel safer here or visiting america? >> here. safer here. >> why do you feel safer here? >> because everybody. >> you really don't see guys out here on a regular basis. >> not here. if you are walking around and you do see some cops, no guns. >> why is that? why don't police have guns? >> i honestly don't know that. >> how do you not accidentally kill people you wanted to kill? >> that's the whole point. >> so in the u.k., how do you show power? how do you show people that you've got a big dick?

>> i don't try to show people that i have a big dick. >> are you impressed by men who have big guns? >> no. it's not common to have guns in our homes at all. >> okay, so in norway, how do men let women know that they have a big dick? >> shall write to them. [laughs] -- show it to them. >> can't do that in america. that is not an option. >> so they are packing. see? there are so much of our two cultures can learn from each other. >> body you think americans love guns so much? >> i think it is something deeply ingrained in the culture, like, guns have been around for a long, long time in the u.s. like, in the u.k., it is not so much of an issue because it is very underground, where as in america, it is normalized. even walking to a walmart, you can buy a gun. >> and schedules and some ice cream. so where are you all from?

>> south africa. >> why do you think americans love guns so much? >> probably the constitution and just because they are crazy. [laughter] >> damn. >> what is america's reputation in the world? >> probably mass shootings, as bad as it sounds. >> that is all we are known for? >> not only that. >> we got hot dogs, we got steph curry. why do you think americans love guns so much? >> from an outsiders perspective, i think they are also really proud of their military and everything. >> well, we will put a lot of ass. america has whooped a lot of ass. >> you think so, at least. >> british ass, several war, we will put our own ass. because they didn't really know america's record on the court. turns out, guns aren't just hurting our people, they are hurting our street cried all over the world. >> i feel like the u.s. was kind of like to to speak and that lt

of people followed, if you look at it from a gunned perspective, some of the other topics that are going on currently as well, it is affecting its credibility on the global stage. it's problem when guns have more rights than women within a country. [applause] >> yeah, yeah, you write. >> is it possible that the rest of the world is just being too hard in america and the gun violence? we have only been around 200 years. we've got some growing pains. everybody knows when you start a country, it is going to be rough for a little while because you just whipped somebodies ass -- no disrespect. >> i have little faith in the country at the moment. but i've always wanted to visited but every time we talk about it, we are like, actually, i'm not sure. >> so americans might not be airbnb their fully armed to departments to these people anytime soon but that might not mean that all europe is a gun-free zone. >> you can take it in norway,

that is the highest density of guns in any society in the world. everybody has a gun. that is for protection from polar bears. but they don't shoot each other. >> it's just for the polar bears. >> but you have to wear a gun if you go outside the city. >> you are not allowed to go without. >> it's a law that you have to wear a gun? >> one and the party has to wear a gun to go outside of the city limits. >> to keep you from getting eaten by a polar bear? >> yeah. >> p27, mandatory guns to fight polar bears? i am canceling my trip to oslo. honduras, here i come. there is no polar bears, right? >> wanda: thank you, roy. don't go away, because when we come back, mike epps will be joining me on the show. so stick around. [cheers and applause] ♪if you start me up♪ ♪if you start me up, i'll never stop♪

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♪♪ rated m for mature. playstation. [cheers and applause] >> wanda: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an actor and comedian who's up for an naacp image award for his role in our sitcom. "the upshaws: part 3" premieres globally february 16th on netflix. >> would you please come down to the clinic today and get looked at? >> you know i ain't about doctors. they're too nosy. if my spine want to be crooked, then that is my business. >> that is why i wear this safety support belt at work. >> man, that's a girdle.

>> why do i even try? let's go get those waffles. >> you are coming to the doctor today. >> all that we've been through, that is the fanfare we get? >> so you want to celebrate? >> with just you? >> yeah. >> didn't they say waffles? >> wanda: please welcome mike epps! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> what's up, wanda? good to see you. looking good, girl. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ all right. what's up, wanda? >> wanda: mike, you come in here smelling all good. [laughter] >> oh, yeah, i stopped at cvs and got me a little cologne. >> wanda: [laughs] so you know, i was just in chattanooga over the weekend.

and i mentioned "the upshaws" and the crowd went crazy. >> they did? >> wanda: yeah. >> oh, man! [cheers and applause] in chattanooga. >> wanda: in chattanooga. >> you was out there doing your stand up. >> wanda: i was doing stand-up. the thing is, remember before you told me, hey, i mentioned "the upshaws" and my crowd goes nuts. and then i said, okay, i will do it. so the first season, i mentioned it to my crowd, it was crickets. [laughter] so they were like, "the upshaws"? what is this thing? >> yeah, yeah. >> wanda: but this time, i mentioned it and the audience went nuts. so we growing, man. [cheers and applause] >> that is really cool. >> wanda: so why do you think it's happening? >> you know what, wanda, sometimes, when you put a little hot sauce on that fish or that chicken, you know, you got to put a little seasoning on it. you know what, i think me and

had two different types of audience. >> wanda: right. >> you do a more classier style of comedy. you know, i do more of a bar and grill, you know? >> wanda: [laughs] >> but i love working with you guys. working with kim fields, working with wanda, man, i can't go wrong. you know what i mean? [cheers and applause] kim fields is a legend in the acting world. we know her from back in the day, and wanda, come on, man. she is a legend. [cheers and applause] please. you know you kill the game. >> wanda: so you got a new show on hgtv where you and your wife are renovating homes back in your hometown. >> shout out to my hometown, indianapolis, indiana. and i've been bu