toto, ladies and gentlemen ! yeah, toto ! whoo, toto ! alright, and now before we all vote yes on prop 10, here to remind us why, are the lovable, innocent children. since we are so concerned with the corporate takeovers, we went and asked our friends the underpants gnomes, and they told us all about big corporations. ( male ) underpants gnomes ? big corporations are good ! ( male ) what ? good ? because without big corporations we wouldn't have things like cars and computers and canned soup. even harbucks coffee started off as a small little business, but because it made such great coffee, and because they ran their business so well, they managed to grow and grow until it became the corporate powerhouse it is today. and that is why we should all let harbucks stay !

that's not what you said last time ! uh... the truth is, we didn't write that paper last time. you little turd ! you ruined my life for the last time ! these boys are absolutely right ! we've been using these poor kids to pull at your heartstrings for our cause and it's wrong. we're as low and despicable as rob reiner. you keep protesting and complaining, but did any of you ever even bother totaste harbucks coffee ? harbucks coffee got to where it is by being the best. don't you think you should at least try it ? hey ! this is pretty damn good ! yeah, it doesn't have that bland, raw sewage taste that tweek's coffee has. hey, hey, thatisgood ! it's a french roast. it's subtle and mild. mild like that first splash of sun on an april morning.

this coffee is coffee the way it should be. hey, no hard feelings, tweek. you know, we still need someone to run this harbucks coffeehouse. i'm sure it will make a lot of money. thank you, mr. postum. but i think we'll be fine with the money we make selling our son into slavery. agh ! just kidding, son ! i love you guys ! ♪ time to go to work ♪ search for underpants ♪ ♪ we won't stop until we have underpants ♪ captioning made possible by comedy central ♪ time to go to work ♪♪ -tonight on "tooning out the news," "hot take" enlists in the culture wars,

arguing that disney going woke betrays the values it championed with the racist caricatures on the "it's a small world" ride. then "inside the hill" tutors gen-z congressman maxwell frost on how to kill time during the daily three-hour freedom caucus vote on whether kevin mccarthy's allowed to eat that day. but first, president biden is under pressure to pass police reform despite previously announcing a bold mission to create a crop that grows policemen. it's time for some "big news"! ♪♪ good evening. i'm host and the fun chaperone, james smartwood. top story -- the police killing of tyre nichols has the nation wondering how best to tinker with the big violent gang we overpay to terrorize us. president biden -- or very possibly chatgpt -- issued this statement.

president biden, of course, faces strong opposition from the most powerful person on earth, joe biden like a minute ago. -the answer is not to defund the police. -that's right! -it's to fund the police -the answer is not to defund the police. the answer is to fund the police. the answer is not defund the police. it's fund the police. -perhaps biden is hoping that if we give police enough cash, they won't commit violence because it will be too much to wade through. joining me now is democratic strategist kicked out of big sisters of america for making her kid knock on doors for tom steyer, lydia parker. -good evening. -chief washington bureau chief who frequently helplessly watches someone steal his food delivery, jonathan keene. -hello! -chief field correspondent who approaches the supermarket manager immediately upon entering to report that he is lost, james smartwood jr. -hey, dad. -plus cbs news senior white house correspondent and "tooning out" contributor who included the phrase, "and this is a two-parter," in her wedding vows, weijia jiang. thank you so much for joining us, weijia.

-great to be with you guys. -absolutely. now, coming to you first. the congressional black caucus has invited tyre nichols's parents to the state of the union and is urging biden to discuss the incident in the state of the union address when he's not declaring the covid pandemic over inside the petri dish for the next strain. what is president biden's path forward here? -the white house says that the president has already, you know, done what he can through executive action, and it really puts the burden on lawmakers to do more. so i think we should expect president biden to talk about this during his second state of the union, which will unfold next week. and as you mentioned, tyre nichols's family will be there. so it's really difficult to imagine that he won't talk about it and say, you know, something to honor their son. -the silver lining to this tragedy is we had no violent riots. yeah, i'd hate to think of a bank window not making it home to its family. -we all saw the paul pelosi video. we need cops to do what they do best --

mosey up to the door and say, "hey, what's going on here?" -i don't understand why our culture has such a soft spot for cops. anyways, new show coming to cbs! check it out! -tonight on "hero justice squad: justice unit," detective jason storm faces his toughest case yet. 9:00 p.m., only on cbs. -aw, hell yeah. -ooh! i love that show! -that sounds so good. -i'm watching that one. -now looming large over this debate with their hands on their holsters is the massive influence of police unions. according to opensecrets... that figure seems high until you factor in the retirement savings from cops willfully dying of covid. weijia, with a police union this strong, can we expect an historically major victory like mandating a less menacing shade of tank paint? -well, you're absolutely right. and, you know, politicians, elected officials, are really nervous sometimes about appearing soft on crime,

about giving their opponents an opening, if they do support police reform, to say that candidate, that lawmaker doesn't care about fighting crime. -hey, the police union also does good things like provide health coverage when a cop breaks his hand trying to punch through an innocent motorist's sternum. -it does raise the question whether this nation needs to seriously reevaluate its reverence for cops. i mean, is the police state just reinforcing our racial caste system here and -- -tonight... -what? -...on an all-new "hero justice squad: justice unit," detective jason storm is back... -oh, sick. -...and he's investigating four pervert cartoon news anchors who criticize police unions because they hate america. 9:00 p.m., only on cbs. -awesome. -did that promo just attack us directly? -it didn't. it's just a normal promo for a show about how cops are heroes... and cartoon news anchors should be team players and move on. 9:00 p.m., only on cbs. -storm's gonna wreck some fools! -okay. uh, moving on here. donald trump has finally breached the thin membrane

of crab butter covering every entrance to mar-a-lago and hit the campaign trail, delivering speeches in new hampshire and south carolina. meanwhile, the news media and republicans continue to predict trump's demise, a conclusion appearing to rely exclusively on other news media and republicans predicting trump's demise. -there's such exhaustion with him. i don't think donald trump can win a national election. -he'll lose again! -someone who can't move votes. -he can't win a general election. -he actually looks pretty tired. -he's fading fast. -yes, cnn, nothing says fading like six current results for the word "trump" alone on the front page of cnn.com. -trump is political poison, and republican voters won't eat poison, except for the thousands who swallowed horse dewormer because trump told them to. -well, with trump's return to the campaign trail, it's now time to condemn him in the hot tub we bought with profits from the obscene ratings he delivered us in our new segment, "trump is bad." ohh, buddy. trump is bad. he's bad for the country, you know? this thing is the perfect temperature. -mm-hmm. -it's perfect. -ohh! yes, he's a stain on the country and --

ooh! wow. i just felt that foot jet. that is nice! -yep. -oh, yeah. -trump, bad. man, there is nothing better than sitting in a jacuzzi with your new purebred designer hunting falcon. isn't that right, duke? [ duke chirps ] -duke is a squirrel. -well, perhaps the falcon dealer ripped me off big-time. either way, there is no deeper relationship than that between a man and his falcon. -mm-hmm. -duke has transformed me. my sense of the environment. my instincts. -truly, what are you talking about? -i-i'm in a hot tub, too. -no, you're not, junior. that's clearly the capitol behind you. -what are you guys talking about? -uhh...trump. -so you're not criticizing police, right? -no. of course not. -hmm, no. -alrighty. see you guys later. -hey, we can still see you on the screen. -what? -we can still see you -- on the screen. -i'm slow! these bones ain't what they used to be. -bones? what are you talking about? -look. just don't -- just do not say anything bad about the police, okay? -geez. yeah, it's fine. -oh, and did i tell you

to watch "hero justice" or whatever it's called? -you absolutely did. -it's on cbs at 9:00 p.m. -yeah, the one with storm. -detective storm is on the case and he's -- -okay. alright. and that is "trump is bad." well, i smell s'mores, so that's all the time we have. sorry we didn't have time for congressman george santos trying to convince a skeptical kevin mccarthy that his campaign had a ton of money because he won "who wants to be a millionaire?" up next is "hot take." tyler, how are you using your massive platform to claim you have been unfairly silenced tonight? -tonight we're on the front lines of the culture wars, arguing that xbox lowering its carbon footprint is a bad influence on the 8-year-olds shouting slurs at me through their headsets. stick around! -can i hop in the tub, please? -do you have a bathing suit? -no, you guys can get just as naked as i am right now. -don't love that idea.

with directv i can get live tv and on demand together: football, housewives, football, housewives... whoops. i just want to talk! call 1-800-directv to guarantee your price for 2 years.

♪♪ -hey, it's host who's trained his body to drift like a cool car, tyler templeton, alongside co-host who prays nightly to god to not make another godzilla, bonnie davis... co-host who needs blaring parade music or her blood forgets to march around her body, susan shephard... and co-host whose off-brand cologne makes his moles grow crazy fast, austin sparks. let's blow through the debt ceiling just so kevin mccarthy's credit score goes to zero. this is "hot take"! ♪♪ what's up, underpants mold force? folks, just because you've never done a tour overseas doesn't mean you can't get ptsd when m&m's get less sexy. it's time for some dispatches from the culture wars!

first up, microsoft xbox. microsoft has joined the radical far left by slightly lowering our mass-murder simulation toys' power usage. according to their website... how dare you push socialism on my xbox! it's gonna become lazy and play video games all day. get off your ass, x-box, and get a job! luckily, i'm fighting back against woke cost-saving measures by creating this ultra-inefficient xbox. plug it in here. this hog will tie up your metropolitan city's electrical grid as it heats up to a cool 1,000 degrees, so you can speed up our patriotic apocalypse. and if you're tough enough to get naked in front of it, it doubles as a sauna heater! -look, this xbox thing is a slippery slope to kids caring about other people.

what next? xbox telling me i'm not the only person on earth and everyone else isn't a hologram here to serve me? it's sick! -that's right, hologram! next up, disney world! disney world, founded by woke liberal activist anti-semite walt disney, has given into cancel culture and closed the popular splash mountain ride just because splash mountain features music and characters from the controversial 1946 film "song of the south." look, it's crucial for kids to learn the complicated racial history of this country through the lens of log-flume rides and log-flume rides only. -exactly! we can't just pretend this ride didn't have a complicated legacy, or we'll never be able to move forward as a theme park. -plus, they're changing the ride to a theme from "the princess and the frog," which i assume, using my imagination, is about humans and frogs going to town on each other. we can't expose kids to what's on loop in my head. -up next, directv!

directv dropped the conservative newsmax network because of a "carriage fee dispute," but we know the truth -- a far-right network is being discriminated against just for being too expensive and no one watching it. that led our leader, general george s. patty melt, donald trump, to issue this military decree. that's capitalism, baby! companies should be free to do whatever they want, except when we don't like it and feel like we're about to cry, which i never do, dad! -where am i supposed to get my conservative media now? the internet? facebook? tiktok? am radio? podcasts? newsletters?! the other right-wing channels directv carries?! where?! -hosts: yeah!

-directv is about to lose so many customers that only installed a big satellite on their roof so they could watch greg kelly. that's a thing that actually happened a lot. -a lot, at least. the left claims to love education, but they're shutting down the only network featuring anchors clearly still learning to read the words on their teleprompters? -yeah, and need i remind you, two or three thousand years ago, the romans didn't wanna pay a "carriage fee" to a little conservative media corporation named jesus christ. -yeah! right? -yeah. -yeah. yeah. and that's the -- whoops -- and that's the latest from the front lines of the culture wars. alright. when "tooning out the news" returns, "inside the hill" nails gen-z congressman maxwell frost for conducting an interview without a lobbyist sitting on his lap. that's ahead. -"tooning out the news: the podcast" is available thursdays wherever you get your podcasts. ♪ from the back to the middle and around again ♪ -"to ♪ i'm gonna beews: there 'til the end ♪

♪ 100% pure love ♪ ♪ from the back to the middle and around again ♪ good nights made easy. that's totally target. heart-pounding design. intelligent technology. courageous performance. discover a new world of possibilities in the all-new lexus rx. never lose your edge. on a very special "tv dad"... i didn't make the dance team. what do i always say? switch your car insurance to progressive, and you could save hundreds. -feel better now? -not really. switch to progressive, and you could save hundreds. i need to find a valentines gift fast. i went to 1-800flowers.com, and that changed the game. you know what makes flowers even better? flowers and a gift. boom! try some? 1-800flowers.com! you guys! she's definitely gonna notice that one's missing. the insurance company enwasn't fair.ity y ca i didn't know what my case was worth,

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nobody? no. no... keep talking... -i should stop... -i can't hear you. i should probably stop... choose wisely. choose wendy's homestyle french toast sticks. choose wisely. when our daughter and her kids moved in with us... our bargain detergent couldn't keep up. turns out it's mostly water. so, we switched back to tide. one wash, stains are gone. [daughter] slurping don't pay for water. pay for clean. it's got to be tide. have you seen this app? order sandwiches. earn rewards. right on your phone... jimmy's john's is in the phones? they're in the tvs! they're in the internets! -they're in the phones. -ah. jimmy john's. join freaky fast rewards. earn free food. i screwed up. mhm. jimmy john's. i got us t-mobile home internet.

now cell phone users have priority over us. and your marriage survived that? you can almost feel the drag when people walk by with their phones. oh i can't hear you... you're froze-- ladies, please! you put it on airplane mode when you pass our house. i was trying to work. we're workin' it too. yeah! work it girl! woo! i want to hear you say it out loud. well, i could switch us to xfinity. those smiles. that's why i do what i do. that and the paycheck. ♪♪ -tonight we show gen-z congressman maxwell frost how to fit in with his congressional colleagues by addressing steny hoyer as "my esteemed colleague" before telling him he's wearing his underwear over his pants. -let's go inside the hill. ♪♪ -i'm sarah sabo, and my hamptons house sofa is bigger than most bounce houses. -i'm rich ballard, and news of sweeping massive layoffs

is my viagra. -joining us is wall street journal columnist who thinks art loses something when it gets returned to its homeland, eleanor palmer. -hello. -and princeton history professor who does a little skip when he remembers that dalmatians are real, dr. ike bloom. -good evening. -let's jump in. two high-profile mass shootings just days apart have president biden demanding action from the group that refuses to quit unless a single thing gets in their way -- congress. -my buddy dianne feinstein reintroduced her senate assault-weapons ban. i am asking you all to send that to my desk as quickly as you can. it's really needed badly. -i'm sorry, but there's no way to pass a law that has the support of a majority of americans. it's not a bill to spend a trillion dollars on untraceable military spending. -and such a measure may be designed to help kids, but it could banish the kids of gun manufacturers to a dreaded life of a middle-class upbringing. -for shame! here to discuss is newly elected democratic congressman

maxwell frost of florida. thank you for joining us, congressman. -yeah, thanks for having me on, sarah. -of course. congressman, you rose to national prominence when you became the national organizing director for march for our lives, and now you're a vice-chair of the house gun violence prevention task force. can you credibly represent all your constituents and not just the small sliver who don't want to be gunned down at a farmers market? -well, i 100% can, sarah, and i'll say it's not just a small sliver, right? most of my constituents want action on gun-violence prevention. that's why they elected me with an overwhelming majority. you know, this is one of the issues that i ran on, is ensuring that we can live in a world where we all have the freedom to live without being gunned down at a restaurant, a grocery store, et cetera. -the constitution, and its many amendments, including the second, are sacred and were never meant to be revised, altered, or amended. -let me say this.

gun violence is a central part of the american fabric, and if we take it away, we'll have an identity crisis. i don't want america finding itself backpacking in rome when i'm there. -very good point. let's move on to the brutal killing of tyre nichols by members of the memphis police department's so-called "scorpion unit" -- because scorpions are known for their cool-headed, nuanced public service. -"meet the press" host chuck todd took a rare break from apologizing for existing to ask house judiciary chair jim jordan about policing -- an unfamiliar topic since he's never called them even when abused wrestlers asked him to. -what action would you like to see congress do? -well, i don't know that there's any law that can stop that evil that we saw. i don't know that any law, any training, any reform is gonna change, you know -- they -- they -- this man was handcuffed. they continued to beat him. -that's right. if cops do something bad, nothing can be done. if hunter biden takes a dick pic, we need to call in the air force. -now, congressman frost, is congressman jordan right? that laws won't help?

or is he simply going through his nihilistic "nothing matters" goth phase? -he's going through that goth phase. i mean, look. and it's not just a phase. this has been his politics, right? we believe, right -- we're an institution where we're passing laws because we believe they can affect the way that our country works. they can positively impact working families and all people in this country. i mean, imagine if generations ago when the civil rights movement was at its peak and people were fighting for justice if people like jim jordan said, "laws are not gonna do anything. it's just human nature. there's just evil in the world." i wouldn't be on this show with y'all, and, in fact, dr. bloom wouldn't be either. -by labeling these acts as "evil," congressman jordan is evoking the great mythic quests of tolkien and jules verne, where when the brave heroes confront evil, they just sort of let evil do its thing. -now, congressman, you're 26 years old and did not attend an elite boarding school with dictator's progeny. in other words, you're a no-nothing dunce, but we're here to help. -it's time for some "inside the hill" private tutoring: congress edition.

-we'll ask some questions to prepare you for the congressional journey ahead. we hope you don't find this condescending. it's supposed to be patronizing. you ready? -yes. i'm excited to learn. -great. -okay. first question. -"c," grab my food and go back to my office and eat there. [ buzzer ] -good luck eating after seeing that bag. -next question. -well, nowadays it could be either one. uh, but usually the buzz on the clock means it's a vote. -[ buzzer ] -now, next question.

-that's a hard one, but i'm gonna have to go with "a." [ buzzer ] -hosts: wrong! -next question. -uh, "b" has probably happened, but i'll go with "a." [ buzzer ] -trick question. spirit airlines doesn't check i.d. alright. last question. -well, because i own no stock... -[ hosts gasp ] -...i'm gonna go with "a." [ buzzer ] -well... it's like an alien. like talking to an alien. -you have so much to learn. and that's... -well, i gotta go outbid someone on ebay for a harpoon, so that's all the time we have. -thank you to our analysts and congressman maxwell frost.

thank you, congressman. -thank you so much for having me on. -of course. when "tooning out the news" returns, we explain why senator dianne feinstein's political career is just getting started. -follow "tooning out the news" on facebook, twitter, instagram, and tiktok for exclusive content. ever notice how stiff clothes -follow "tooning out the news" can feel rough on your skin? for softer clothes that are gentle on your skin, try downy free & gentle downy will soften your clothes without dyes or perfumes. the towel washed with downy is softer, and gentler on your skin. try downy free & gentle.