>> chelsea: well, that's our show for tonight but before we go: here it is, your "moment of zen." >> here is the real state of the union. i'm the most corrupt president of the american history and is not even close. i my disaster but the good news is joe biden is running for president and i am going to jail. thank you. ♪ turbotax. free unless you want to do your taxes. tonight on our special coverage of the state of the union, president biden touts

economic recovery as republicans heckle him for accusing them of trying to slash entitlement programs they only planned to eviscerate. and donald trump delivers a rebuttal claiming the only way to handle dictatorships like china is to let them use your country club for their golf franchise. we'll ask democratic congressman adam schiff of california whether democrats can cross the aisle to work with republicans stuck outside the chambers surrendering their crossbows to security. plus, founding editor-at-large of "semafor" and foreign policy expert steve clemons will explain why we should prioritize trade with china over war if you want to afford to launch wars with everyone else. but first, state of the union analysis from democratic strategist and obvious corporate plant at the union meeting, lydia parker. >> chief field correspondent and 2018's "most distracting state of the tune coffer," james smartwood jr. >> conservative host who can go to the park unleashed because he has a chip in his paw, tyler templeton. >> and "new york times" columnist who brings a bottle of wine to your housewarming that's nicer than anything you've ever owned in your life, charles blow. >> reporting with the confidence

of george santos saying george santos sr. is on schindler's list, our "tooning out" special coverage begins now. >> announcer: from comedy central, this is "tooning out the news special coverage: state of the union 2023." the nation's third most powerful person is named kevin. >> good for romney there for telling santos to do something noble with his life, like spending his entire career firing factory workers. >> i can't believe matt gaetz shook the president's hand while texting an uber driver to look for a girl at arrivals with a spongebob backpack. >> absolutely. i'm co-anchor james smartwood and i read every billboard out loud on the way to work. >> i'm co-anchor kylie weaver, and, yeah, i'm kind of a crossword guru. >> let's jump in. the 2023 state of the union address featured president biden touting his record on the economy as republican heckling shattered the solemnity of the chamber that was only recently cleansed of their supporters' urine. >> it began when biden suggested republicans might cut the entitlement programs they've spent their entire careers trying to cut. >> instead of making the wealthy pay their fair share, some republicans want medicare and social security to sunset. i'm not saying it's a majority.

anybody who doubts it, contact my office. i will give you a copy of the proposal. >> i get it. biden's botox is so shiny that republicans just thought he was a tv they could scream at. >> i just cannot believe the freedom caucus would behave like this inside the hallowed chamber their followers almost killed mike pence in. >> charles, biden shouldn't be worried about the outburst because recent experience would tell us that it's not like the rowdy freedom caucus has any actual pull in congress, right? >> well, it actually helps biden when people are unruly, when he's trying to be sober and direct. in fact, his advisors and people inside the white house were saying that they were openly hoping that republicans would do exactly what they did today, which was to heckle him. >> well, i can't believe biden kept interrupting marjorie taylor greene like that. i thought you were a feminist, joe. >> hey, if we believe in the

first amendment, we must defend marjorie taylor greene's right to scream the word "china" for 90 minutes. >> good points all around. now, in his state of the union address, president biden made a spirited case for re-election in 2024, touting his positive stewardship of an american economy that no president has ever controlled. >> i stand here tonight after we've created, with the help of many people in this room, 12 million new jobs, more jobs created in two years than any president's created in four years, because of you all. >> it is truly inspiring to see biden bring more americans than ever into the thrill ride of the paycheck-to-paycheck lifestyle. >> charles, president biden made the risky move of ignoring republican kitchen table issues like sam smith and woke disney, and instead focused on frivolous flashpoints like whether people can eat food. do you think it will work? >> well, it's very interesting what he is doing, which is to go through and kind of list off his policy achievements. it's not unlike what other presidents have done, but he's being told that he needs to talk about his achievements more

because polls are showing that american people don't believe that he's gotten much done. i don't believe that that's what's happening. i think that people are just exhausted. there's hangover from covid. people feel like they felt, right? so, they feel bad because they felt bad and they have no released that yet. and also, we're in an environment where people are far more interested in yelling and screaming in theater than they are interested in actual policy. and i don't think people keep track of things unless they come to them as an actual paycheck in their, you know, post offices or mailboxes. they don't pay attention to things that are going to help them 5, 10, 15 years down the road. >> you know, the good news for biden is he's made the average american wealthy enough to afford the hours-long drive to their nearest polling station. >> biden has led innovation and job creation from manufacturing to scab rail workers to classified document search agents. >> now, if i could derail the conversation, joe hunter biden completely ignored everyday american struggling to put in a

40-egg omelet on the table because of skyrocketing prices, and now i will do what joe biden doesn't have the guts to do and negotiate the prices of eggs myself. roll the bumper. ♪ well, well, well, look at these fat cats inside their luxurious four-square-foot mansion feasting on gourmet corn pellets. i just have one question, you greedy bastards. when is enough enough? how much money do you need? >> tyler, you cannot possibly think the chicken set the prices of eggs, right? >> you are so naive, james. who else would set the prices? the farmers that the chicken employ? the supermarkets the chickens truck their eggs to? >> now, charles, are there any other explanations for the rise in egg prices besides the one that tyler just put forth? >> well, the, you know, they're experiencing a massive kind of bird flu right now, and that is contributing to this in a major

way, and also on top of that, there's the overall -- since the inflation has gone up, so a lot of supermarket goods have gone up, so eggs have this twofold issue happening all at once. >> charles, in the spirit of full transparency, when was the last time an egg yolk entered your body? >> oh, i eat eggs every day. >> every day? my god. >> okay, so, well -- it's clear the chickens got to charles. don't go anywhere, charles. i'll come save you after i finish this special coverage. >> okay, well, things are a little heated between one of our news anchors and some chickens, so let's wrap it there. >> sorry we didn't have time for pete buttigieg cloning himself so he can appear on every sunday show simultaneously. >> thank you to "tooning out the news" contributor charles blow. thank you, charles. >> thank you. when we return, democratic congressman adam schiff explains why he still has hope for bipartisanship, even though he checks his backseat for proud boys before pulling out of his driveway. that's ahead. tyler, are you going to save charles?

>> what? who's charles? >> charles blow. you were -- you were going to save him from the chickens. >> oh really? that sounds ridiculous. lydia, what is he talking about? >> this is not my fight. welcome to the next level. this is the lexus nx with intuitive tech... (beeps) car: watch for traffic ...and our most advanced safety system ever. ♪ ♪ ♪ from the back to the middle and around again ♪

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>> announcer: aetna: you are obsessed with insulin. welcome back to our special coverage. during the break, the freedom caucus distributed lapel pins in the shape of sexy green m&ms. >> trump is the first candidate for president in history who has been impeached twice, eroding his support among all five of the country's remaining moderate republicans. >> one of these impeachment hearings was led by our next guest, democratic congressman from california, adam schiff. thank you for joining, congressman. >> great to be with you. >> absolutely. congressman, do you think president biden has a stronger message than president trump's message of, "i sent tina brown flowers when she launched talk magazine, but i never got a thank you note"?

>> i thought president biden did a great job tonight, talking about making the economy work for all americans. the progress that we've made under his administration and the work that's still ahead. so, i thought he knocked it out of the park tonight. >> sure, president biden has a durable coalition, but trump does have bipartisan cooperation between republicans and white nationalists. > well, well, biden has nothing on trump. during his state of the union, he did not once auction iowa to the highest bidding dictator. >> it is true. now congressman, during his speech, president biden challenged republicans to support ultra left-wing socialist priorities like fighting cancer and opioids with this call to unity. >> to my republican friends, if we could work together in the last congress, there's no reason we can't work together and find consensus on important things in this congress as well. >> now, congressman, can you work with the republicans who shouted over the president when they weren't busy texting oath keepers photos of your license plate?

>> i think president biden has signalled his willingness, and i share that willingness to work together to get things done for the american people. we passed the bipartisan infrastructure bill. we passed legislation to help us bring manufacturing back home. we even passed some gun safety legislation, not nearly enough, but we made some progress. there's a lot more that we can do in this session of congress to move the country forward. i'm willing to do whatever's necessary to make that happen, and i think the president signalled that his -- that he is open to that kind of bipartisan cooperation. >> look, biden is partisan. sure, he delivered strom thurman's eulogy, but rerefused to get in the coffin with him. >> moving on, congressman, you are running to be the next united states senator from california, even though the seat is currently held by democratic senator dianne feinstein, who has yet to announce her plans, even though she is, according to our fact-checkers, 1 million years old.

>> since you are appearing here in your capacity as congress, you cannot comment on your senate campaign or dianne feinstein's decision whether to retire, is that correct? >> that's correct. this is an official interview, so i'm going to keep my remarks focused on the policy of the united states. >> okay. and we respect that. so, let's not talk about dianne feinstein's retirement decision. let's move on to a completely unrelated topic. beautiful boca raton, florida. whether it's tennis, golf, or taking in the ocean breeze, boca, as the locals call it, is the perfect spot to enjoe your golden years. >> explore the world class boca raton museum of art. >> or open air concerts at the mizner park amphitheater with a july 26th performance from the goo goo dolls. >> plus, it has some of the best dining in south florida. >> but don't it from us. congressman schiff, tell us some things you would do if you retired to boca raton, florida. >> well, i would enjoy the great weather, and i would enjoy all

the wonderful people and the fact that every week in boca is basically like a "seinfeld" episode. >> how so? >> i'm too young for that reference. but it sounds like a wonderful place for a random woman to retire without some know-it-all intern leaking their every mental hiccup to politico. >> boca raton, never have to make conversation with chuck grassley again. >> i'm feeling called to go to commercial, and i have to respect that impulse, so let's wrap it there. >> sorry we didn't have time for speaker mccarthy apologizing to lauren boebert for delivering her weekly dry cleaning ten minutes late. >> thank you to our esteemed guest, democratic congressman adam schiff. thank you, congressman. >> thank you. when we return, our new segment, "america at war: country tbd." that's ahead. >> announcer: "tooning out the news" the podcast is available thursdays wherever you get your podcasts.

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final score... still dry and fresh. degree advanced. instantly dry 72 hour non stop protection. doritos. all doctors are wrong. welcome back to our special coverage. ever since the united states emerged defeat-orous from afghanistan after a brief 239-month battle, we've been a nation december preexisting condition in search of our next quagmire, but recently, the gods delivered raytheon's prayers by

delivering from the heavens an intelligence-gathering balloon launched from the people's republic of china. >> we cover it all in our new segment, "america at war: country tbd." >> here to discuss live from apparently a cheesecake factory is founding editor-at-large of semafor, steve clemons. >> good to be with you. >> now, balloon 11 hit as military leaders and their congressional allies have been appearing on cable news using rhetoric with the cautious precision of an errant drone missile taking out a wedding party. >> china is major threat to the united states. they foisted covid-19 on the world. they're trying to effect the lar largest land grab in history. >> are these all the same guy? >> the odds are very high we could see a conflict with china and taiwan in the indo-pacific. >> congressman mccaul of texas

doesn't have a dog in this hunt, unless you include the dogs living on one of his state's 15 military bases. >> steve, are you concerned that by upping their defense spending to a full 36% of what america spends, china is proving they're too aggressive to reason with? >> look, china has a strategy. china wants to be influential. they don't want to have an empire of bases like the united states currently does. no nation can rival that for the next many decades. but i should add to that, that china with all this tension is america's largest trading partner. we do $750 billion of trade. >> that's a lot of suicide nets. >> so, it's kind of odd to be talking about and hyperventilating about a war with a nation that we do so much trade with. >> america spends more in defense than china, india, russia, united kingdom, saudi arabia, germany, france, japan, and south korea combined. since those countries will all go to war with us if we invade china, it would be irresponsible not to double our spending, right? >> well, the -- if i may, if i

may, i'm sorry, steve, but i have to jump in. the problem is we don't have enough pro-military entertainment besides all the movies, tv, news and sports, and i am calling on the nfl to play the super bowl in the middle of the pentagon. >> now, because a war with a nation with the largest army in the world is not guaranteed, even after we saw the big balloon, the united states is eyeing a back-up war with russia. >> now, luckily, the military generals are advocating soft diplomacy by simply naming the heavier artillery we must send to ukraine yesterday. >> the tanks are absolutely central. give em the m270 mrs systems. dedication to the tanks. >> combined armed operations. >> more artillery, ammunition, some armored fighting vehicles, even 20 tanks and artillery against artillery. more aircraft. more aircraft munitions, 600 drones, get a hundred of those in. >> good for cnn for getting

perspective from general wesley clarke, a pure unabused source if you don't count his various rules with 90 private and publicly traded companies. now, steve, are you concerned that war with russia could lead to a nuclear conflict leaving no one alive to go to war with china? >> the answer is, absolutely. russia is a nation that's next to the united states, the most armed nuclear weapon state in the world. that borders that this ukraine conflict is touching are right along the lines of poland and other nato nations, and if any of those nations are attacked, then it, you know, brings together what they call article five or the all for one, one for all maxim of nato, and we all have to defend each other. we will be at war with russia at that point. and given our armaments, given the military and given some of the success of volodymyr zelenskyy and the ukrainians in fighting russia, this could be something that, out of frustration, putin goes nuclear, and then we have a very big problem. >> but listen, if i know vladimir putin, he wants to

project strength, and if feels humiliated, he could lash out, which would be great for our ratings, sure, but terrible for humanity. that's why we should not say that vladimir putin is a chicken. >> or that he's a skilled impressionist like when he did that impression of the value of his country's currency. >> yeah, exactly. >> right. >> or that he joined the kbg because he thought it stood for, keep getting botox. >> that's a good one. >> or his troops retreated faster than his hairline in his early 20s. >> get him, james. >> hear more of this nuanced, delicate conversation during the "tooning out the news" roast and provocation to war of vladimir putin. >> now, we shouldn't move on without saying that military generals appearing on cable news without disclosing how they profit from military education calcu escalation is a serious violation of whatever's left of the trust between the media and electorate. >> let's bring in foreign policy expert, kablooey the missile live from his office in

arlington, virginia. thank you for joining us, kablooey. >> thank you for having me. >> now, kablooey, obviously, a very serious situation with china and russia. >> yes, two fronts. >> if you were in the pentagon right now as opposed to your office across the street, what are you advising the defense department? >> first of all, my heart goes out to all the ukrainian women and children and the chinese women and children scared for their lives. second, it's incumbent upon the united states to show strength. >> and what is strength to you, kablooey? >> it's standing up for freedom and unanimously passing a $2 trillion defense package consisting of tanks, ammunition, and fighter jets. oh, also helicopters. >> interesting. >> steve, is kablooey right here? do we need to increase spending for ammunition, fighter jets, and helicopters? >> james, you forgot the tanks. general dynamics will be super bummed if we don't push the tanks thing hard this quarter. >> this is a show that you are punching the buttons, basically look at what's going on in the world and seeing a war around every corner. >> no.

>> and i think with kablooey, who obviously has a conflict of interest between the kinds of, you know, investments he wants to make with our tax dollars, there are better ways to do it. >> wow. kablooey, your response? >> look, i know what you're thinking. kablooey escalating deadly conflict using remembering lisa rhetoric just to make a buck is the definition of evil. i get it. but then i remember that somewhere in ukraine or taiwan or any inch of planet earth, there's a little boy named tommy, and his single mother, tammy, who needs the united states to send them 10 to 20 f-16 fighting falcons, even if it means kablooey earning enough to buy a downright sick, nasty bmw. like i barely tap the accelerator and in four seconds, i'm going a hundred. that engine is roaring like a beast from planet awesome. and if you think that's wrong, then you hate little tommy and his little mama and the brave democracy-loving people of whatever countries i said earlier. >> oh, so beautiful. >> steve, please apologize to kablooey. >> me, apologize? >> yeah. yeah, you. >> me, apologize. there's going to be no apology

coming from my side. >> that's bull, steve, and you know it. >> some guy just challenged me to exchange full force haymakers on the fire escape so let's pause it there. when we return, austin sparks previews what's in store for the state of the union coverage on sparks. stick around. >> announcer: follow "tooning out the news" on facebook, twitter, instagram, and tiktok for exclusive content. hey. (whisper yelling) jake from state farm! we have to know.

yes. these are state farm pajamas. no, what if we have to talk to somebody about our policy but it's late at night? call us 24/7. great, because what if someone still calls his mom for everything? we'll walk you through everything, at state farm we're there for your “what ifs". yeah mom, everything is great...yeah...i mean not my mom. like a good neighbor, state farm is there. call or click to get a quote today. this week is your chance to try any - subway footlong for free. like the subway series menu. just buy any footlong in the app, and get one free. free monsters, free bosses, any footlong for free! this guy loves a great offer. so let's see some hustle! hey, thanks for helping me out. of course. you can easily get helpful customer service over the phone

or on the progressive app pretty much anywhere. like at the coffee shop, at the park, or on the moon. just kidding. it's another coffee shop. welcome back. let's go to austin sparks for a preview of what's ahead on a special state of the union edition of sparks. take it away, austin. >> thanks, kylie. unless you've been drinking nyquil, you know i'm the host of "tooning out the news's" hit "what's this guy smoking" "late night" show, sparks.

and tonight, it's our very special sparks of the union rebuttal episode, emphasis on the butt. the fun begins with former congressman lee zeldin and i slurping spaghetti over biden's state of the union entrance. then, mark "big mac" mcguire and i hit the streets of new york to see if anyone will massage his feet. spoiler alert, no one goes for it. and finally, i do my state of the union rebuttal, talking out my butt like ace ventura in that movie. "like a glove." we're getting sparks-y with it tonight on sparks. >> that's great, austin. and congrats on the nine-figure deal with sirius xm. >> schwing. >> okay, good night, everyone. >> oh my god, tyler, are you revenge eating the chickens? >> yes, but to be fair, i eat all my food out of revenge.