[cheers and applause] >> sarah: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm sarah silverman, and since this is my first night hosting, i'm a little nervous, so i did that thing where you picture the audience naked. which is perfect, because now i'm nervous and horny. [cheers and applause] now, some of you might not know who i am, so let me introduce myself in the most "daily show"-y way possible: using a right-wing talking head pundit montage. roll it! >> sarah silverman is a complete buffoon and aggressively unfunny. >> she's a comedian. i don't find there's anything funny actually about her. >> a vulgar comic. >> who's mostly famous for saying dirty words in a little girl voice. >> she's a clown in her daily life. an absolute fool. >> she is a jezebel. >> diabolically dumb.

>> she is a witch. >> she's not funny. >> she is a god-hating whore. >> boy, i would like to hit her with a pie. >> sarah: these right-wing people really [bleep] hate me! what am i, a gender-neutral bathroom ova here? what am i, a starbucks cup that just says happy holidays, ova here? what am i, a grown woman with opinions ova -- oh, yeah, that's probably it. [cheers and applause] all right, there's a lot to talk about, so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with the big rihanna concert last night. she is so cool. she did it right in the middle of a football game! she doesn't care. she dropped some pretty exciting news. >> overnight, rihanna making a surprise announcement. the superstar revealing she's pregnant with her second child in front of a packed stadium during the apple music super bowl halftime show.

the rep confirming the growing family to abc news after she wowed fans from a floating platform in the sky. >> sarah: that's right, rihanna revealed she was pregnant, by bringing along all the sperm that didn't make it. [cheers and applause] i mean, and of course the one that did. it was inside her. seriously, did you see that, pregnant women? did you see it? rihanna just did a super bowl halftime show while pregnant. and you want my seat on the subway? not anymore, ladies. no way. the bar has been raised. so hold it. oh, thank you. but you know, rihanna isn't the only one who has a surprise announcement. i just want everyone to know here that i... have diarrhea.

some people were surprised that rihanna didn't bring out kanye west during "all of the lights," but it makes sense when you realize there wasn't enough space for her dancers to form a swastika. i can say that because i am a nazi. it was really cool that rihanna did their show way up on those platforms but it was a little bit risky because if you have been following the news at all, this is not the time to be in the sky. >> this weekend, the u.s. shot down three flying objects over north american air space, bringing the total to four in just over a week. >> questions mounting after more unidentified objects discovered over u.s. and canadian air space. a third mystery object in just three days shot down by a u.s. fighter jet over lake huron sunday afternoon. three incidents in less than a week after that chinese spy balloon was shot down off the

carolina coast, but a senior u.s. official saying these three are different from that spy balloon. >> sarah: the commander of norad said the last three objects were similar in size and shape, and he declined to categorize them as balloons, saying they were unable to determine how they stay aloft. now, when asked about the possibility of alien activity, he would not rule anything out. [applause] >> sarah: you aren't ruling out aliens? i love how we're not ruling anything out, but we're shooting everything down. is it a kite, is it aliens is it the old man from "up?" who cares. we will figure it out when we search through the wreckage! the official explanation is that after the chinese balloon last week, the government adjusted the radars to make them more sensitive, and once they did,

they realized there's all kinds of shit flying up there all the time! it's like when you start paying attention to what ingredients are in your food and you realize that everything has guar gum and it. what is guar gum. guar gum. we don't know what it is, but we're eating it, baby! [cheers and applause] the audience loves to turn to the camera two. and you might be asking, "where is space force? isn't dealing with ufos literally their thing?" but some of this stuff they're finding is too low in the atmosphere for space force's jurisdiction. they're in this, like, weird zone between the sky and space. it's like the earth's taint.

really, what we need is a taint force! to protect this in-between area, this no-man's-land. it's a very sensitive zone. it can get a little hairy at times, working there can stand. but taint force will be there when the shit goes down. [cheers and applause] moving on to a crazy story: the makers of m&ms were fined $14,000 after two workers fell into a vat of chocolate. so, everyone, be on the lookout for the newest option in the candy aisle: human flesh. and the good news is, with no guys fell and, they found the bones of augustus gloop.

[applause] some nice closure for the gloop family. the truth is that a lot of jobs are dangerous. and that's why one new idea going around in some states is particularly odd. >> some state legislatures looking to fill a need in the labor market are considering child workers as a solution. lawmakers in iowa and minnesota introduced bills last month to loosen labor regulations around age and workplace safety. minnesota's bill would allow 16 and 17-year-olds to work construction jobs. and the iowa measure aims to allow 14 and 15-year-olds to work certain positions in the mining, meat packing, and logging industries. the iowa proposal would also shield businesses from civil liability if a youth worker gets sick, injured, or killed on the job. [boos] >> sarah: we're doing great, everyone! they're gonna let 14-year-olds work in mining, logging, and meat packing? those are, like, the three most dangerous jobs! what, they didn't have any

openings in the ukrainian army? you know that they have to fill these positions too. all it would take for teenagers to work in a mine is a viral tiktok called the black lung challenge. [applause] and these lawmakers know it's dangerous, because they're shielding the companies if the kids get killed on the job. on the bright side, they will have oompa loompas come out every time a kid dies. a little wonka heavy today. i'm sure this will surprise you, but the lawmakers sponsoring these bills call themselves pro-life. of course they are. if women aren't forced to have babies, who's gonna pack this goddamn meat? [cheers and applause] for more on this story, we turn to roy wood, jr [cheers and applause]

who is at the iowa statehouse. roy, how can these people possibly allow this? >> it's outrageous, sarah! child labor has almost no place in this country. >> sarah: wait, almost? >> well, you got to have some child labor. you know how expensive it is to raise a kid? card to buy clothes, got to feed them two or three times a day, got to go to the doctor, then you got to go to the dentist. teeth ain't nothing but mouth bones. got to pay for child care -- assuming you can find child care because the last thing scared of covid, now you got to pay for after-school care, then after school care, than the summer camp because the school year is only nine months of the year but where does it stop? these kids have got to pay their own way! [cheers and applause]

>> sarah: sure, but, like, small things, like, working at mcdonald's or babysitting or mowing lawns. >> what's the difference between mowing a lawn and chainsawing a redwood? it's all yard work. the tree ain't nothing but tallgrass. >> sarah: roy, these are the world's most dangerous jobs! you really want children doing them? >> they are the ones that want to grow up faster. we are just just letting them. "why can't i have a driver's license?" yeah, you can have a driver's license for a forklift. drive that! with the pallet around. >> sarah: roy, call me naive, but childhood is not a time to work. it is a time for children to learn and grow and explore the world in their wonderment. >> i agree with that. until he's a teenager is. teenagers are not exploring the world in wonderment, they're throwing eggs at my house! those punks need to be put to

work! they got too much time on their hands! you like ruining my paint, kevin? i will whip your ass! put him on the factory line, let him deboned 100 chickens in our, you bitch! your fingers hurt, yeah, it's hard work. >> sarah: roy, just because you're just mad at your neighbor's kid, it doesn't mean they deserve dangerous work conditions. they could lose fingers! >> sarah, how many fingers do you really need? these are the stars. you need these, you need this in case you get married, but when was the last time you used your pinky? pinky just freeloading on the rest of the fingers. it's the nepo baby of the hand. plus, these kids are young enough, those fingers can still grow back. they got time. >> sarah: i'm sorry, but there's no place in our society for child labor. it's a scourge of humanity that we have luckily moved past, and

it brings nothing positive to the world. >> let me ask you a question: you got an iphone? >> sarah: um, i do. >> who do you think makes it? >> sarah: i mean, apple? >> kids, sarah! chinese kids! so hand over your iphone, unless you want to be a hypocrite. >> sarah: i'm going to choose hypocrite. [applause] >> that's what i thought. that's what i thought. now if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna go sign my neighbor's kid up for the coal mines. kiss your pinky goodbye, kevin! i'm coming! >> sarah: roy wood, jr., everybody! all right, when we come back, we'll take a look back at history's most important woman. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

[playstation mnemonic] this is live from ps5. let's go now to our first story. the good people of manhattan woke up to a gift from their favorite hero. there's two of them!

[reporting in foreign language] [reporting in foreign language] experts are linking all of these events to an increase in activity on ps5. this was live from ps5, bringing you the extraordinary. rated rp to m. playstation. sam adams boston lager. now brighter? heh. a brighter boston. ♪♪ take the parking spot! you take the parking spot! i insist! no, i insist! boston lager. now brighter. sam adams, baby! ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ come seek the royal caribbean.

(♪ ♪) you inspired the lexus es to be, well ... more you. so thank you. we hope you like your work. (♪ ♪)

[cheers and applause] >> sarah: welcome back to "the daily show." this past weekend was the international day of women and girls in science. if you haven't heard about it, it's because you're sexist. it's an important day to honor the women who have made contributions to humanity's understanding of science. which is why i wanted to take this moment to honor one woman who's life hasn't received the recognition it deserves. >> when you ask people about the greatest female scientists of the 20th century, they will give you the same names.

marie curry. jane goodall. octavia spencer. but they always leave out the most important person. dr. insidia. the world's first female mad scientist. in the field of evil, dr. insidia was a relentless pioneer. she put genghis khan's brain into a chip. she made kentucky disappear. all of it. for three years, no kentucky. she put a man on the moon as punishment. his body is still up there. >> unfortunately, and the 1950s, the mad scientist were dominated by men. so dr. insidia faced a lot of sexism. >> one time, she shrunk the prime minister of latvia and trapped him in a jar. they gave her a $2 million ransom. the next week, a mailman scientist kidnaps the same

prime minister, they give him $t on "ed sullivan." the same prime minister, same jar. you tell me how that is not sexism. >> she was always at a disadvantage. it is hard to build a laboratory in a volcano when you are not allowed to open your own credit card. the bank was always saying, where is mr. dr. insidia? >> a mad scientist, wants to terrorize boston with a radioactive megaphone. what i can tell anyone is that the megaphone was dr. insidia's idea. i told her it was a stupid idea. then i stole it. i feel bad about that whole thing but it launched my career. i even landed on "ed sullivan." >> in 1958, dr. insidia assembled body parts into an unholy monster. the first thing it did when it came to life was ask her to get a cup of coffee.

of course, everything got worse after she had her baby -- well, cloned her baby. dr. insidia was asked to leave the evil alliance headquarters because they were uncomfortable with her breastfeeding. >> now look, and our defense, breastfeeding is gross! >> dr. insidia had lived long enough. i think she would've become a household name come. unfortunately, she died young. some people think her hard to out because of sexism. other people think it's because the heart stopping reishi accident he fired at herself. me come i think it was a little bit of both. >> she was truly a revolutionary. for school refused to teach about her work. >> why not? i suppose, because of all of her crimes. but it's all right. her legacy lives on. she is the one who taught me about girl power. literally. you can power a steam engine

with girls. [cheers and applause] >> sarah: we see you, dr. insidia. all right, stay tuned because when we come back, the hilarious lizz winstead will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

♪♪ they ordered pineapple. you gotta smell the butt to know if it's ripe. ♪♪ (thwok!) hear that noise? means it's ripe! freshest cream always in the back. 'cause cream rules everything around? all right chefs, we gotta go get the beans! i think they asked for baked, bro. jellybeans?? chef, they definitely said pinto beans! no! actually, they want fava beans. you are so good at this. we get groceries. doordash.

( ♪♪ ) ahh. ( ♪♪ ) (bottle hissing, cap clattering) "scott. you know the rules, no shrinking and drinking." well, obviously. "and do not give alcohol to the ants, even if they ask." not a problem, hank! alcohol free. (chirping) stop! (chuckle) guys, come on! that's my last one!

you're never going to finish that. your eyes are bigger than your thorax. good luck.

[cheers and applause] >> sarah: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the co-creator of "the daily show" and the founder of abortion access front, which uses humor to destigmatize abortion and expose those fighting against reproductive rights. please welcome lizz winstead! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

get over here! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> wow, you guys spruced up the place since last time i was h here. >> sarah: doing pretty good. >> i mean -- >> sarah: come a long way. >> i would say so. if you watch some of the old episodes, you can see lights which is. and i -- >> sarah: you really created this whole idea of -- [cheers and applause] of comedy news. you know? do you know how groundbreaking it would be at the time? >> well, i knew that the media was consistently disappointing. and so it seemed like low-hanging fruit. [cheers and applause]

especially when the show caught on and instead of the media being like, you know, maybe we should really be really investigating stories, they were like, funny graphics. that's what the public wants. >> sarah: so you found it abortion access front. >> i did! [cheers and applause] >> sarah: do you see this as kind of a natural evolution from "the daily show" for you? >> 100%. >> sarah: because -- explained what it is. but they deal with abortion with humor. >> the truth is, whether it was this show, whether it was wherever i heard it, it is like, knowing that you can expose hypocrisy with humor and knowing that, done well, you can make change, it kind of was a natural evolution because no one was talking about abortion. people side load it, they were talking about it. so the reason i created it is because i wanted to speak truth to power. also, if everybody felt freaked

out when roe v. wade fell, like -- did all of you feel like, what do i do? [applause] i wanted to give people an answer to that question. so with abortion access front, we decided, what we want to do is create programs that folks can jump into, we will meet you where you are. if you have 10 minutes, and i were to give, we have fun things in the street, we can help you legislatively. we have this great program called operation save abortion. it is pretty simple. a five-part series, get together with your friends, do it, learn how you can do more than just march, because i just feel like you are in anger fluff are point. >> sarah: anger fluffer. [laughter] >> i feel like people really want to get involved so with us, it is like, we just watch the super bowl. 100 million other ads with people who are funding antiabortion garbage and we are having bake sales or try to get people services, right? [cheers and applause] i am not going to say you should donate, but you should donate.

[applause] >> sarah: so you started abortion access front, also known as abortion af. >> yes. very cool shirts if you want to really go in hard. >> sarah: yeah, so you founded that in 2015. >> yeah. >> sarah: what did you think in 2015 abortion rights would be in 2023? >> well, lizz winstead, we lightly started that in 2014. because i knew it was going to get worse. >> sarah: you always knew. >> because it was happening in the states. and nobody seems to understand state politics, nobody understood that, like, the reason roe v. wade fell is because an abortion case in mississippi made it to the supreme court. now if you don't think mississippi should be deciding how you live your reproductive life, then you have to get your shit together and start paying

attention. for me, it was always that. [cheers and applause] and i mean -- >> sarah: i will say this, we have to wrap it up, but when shit started happening in georgia, and hollywood, well-meaning, yet coastal elites were like, i am pulling my production from georgia. i'm not going to play in georgia. and you brought three abortion providers -- >> reproductive access. >> sarah: from georgia to los angeles to sit down with these people and they said, please, don't take your productions away from atlanta. please. this is what is giving people jobs and bringing an influx of all of this wonderful stuff for people. the people shouldn't be punished. if you want to stick up for the people of georgia, then boycott the giant donors that are giving these politicians money to make these laws. >> the people who are living in

the places and sent to the people who are most harmed all the time and they will give you the answers to help you be a better activist and make the world better. [cheers and applause] >> sarah: yeah! you know, a lot of people are seeing their rights being stripped away, and it is really scary. what can people do? >> i mean, i'm just going to say, if you go to aafront.org, we can guide you nationally, we are connectors, unifier's, we are the people who really wanted to do something and help you figure out what that something is. >> sarah: i was in atlanta two nights ago, i went to starbucks, there was a woman working there who saw a pin on a backpack that said keep your laws off my body, and she said -- she was moved by it and so angry to be in a place where it is not legal to make your own decisions over your body and the first thing i did was text lizz and say, what can i give her? and she gave me an email address. give this to her and this woman

will tell her where in her area she can become active in what you can do. so thank you so much for everything yet that do. [cheers and applause] we're gonna take a quick break, but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] cleaning is the worst. seriously. there's gotta be a better way. so we gave swiffer a shot. if we don't love it, we get our money back! spoiler alert: love it!

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[cheers and applause] >> sarah: well, that's our show for tonight but before we go: please consider supporting power to decide. they give people the tools to decide if, when, and under what circumstances to get pregnant and have a child. if you can help them in their mission to advance sexual and reproductive well-being for all, please donate at the link below. now, here it is. your "moment of zen." >> just wanted to make sure we address this from the white house white house, i know there has been questions and concerns about this, but there - again, no indication of aliens or extraterrestrial activity with these recent takedowns. wanted to make sure that the american people knew that, all of you knew that, and it was important for s