anyway. we've got a great show for you tonight. so, hey, let's get into the headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] well, sadly, it's my last day hosting "the daily show." and i almost got through the whole week without talking about racist cops. but guess what we're gonna talk about today: racist cops. after the louisville, kentucky, police killed breonna taylor, the justice department launched an investigation into whether the department discriminates against black people. and after two years, guess what they found out. >> the results this morning from the u.s. justice department aren't flattering at all to louisville police. >> the report concludes that the unit's activities were part of an overall enforcement approach that resulted in significant and unlawful racial disparities. >> federal authorities found that police in the city were four to five times more likely to stop black drivers than white ones for the same traffic

violations, five times more likely to charge black people for loitering or disorderly conduct, and more likely to stop and search black americans for the same behaviors. >> marlon: that's right. the doj launched a two-year investigation to find out something every black person already knew. [cheers and applause] the police discriminate against black people? what else did you guys find out? nick cannon doesn't use condoms? or he has a really terrible pullout game. the black woman behind merrick garland was like, "i could have told you that, merrick, i can't believe you flew me up to louisville for this bullshit. next time, just asked me, damn it.

"every time the justice department investigates a city's police department, the conclusion is that they're racist. just once, i'd love to have them hold a press conference like this. after a two-year investigation into this police department, we have found shocking levels of tolerance. officers were five times more likely to high-five a black person than a white person. and some white officers were caught in text messages discussing the works of james baldwin. it is a tough day for america. [cheers and applause] let's move on to tennessee. here's another surprise you probably saw coming a mile away: an anti-gay republican just got caught in a thirst trap. >> our top story this morning, tennessee's lieutenant governor is receiving criticism after making several comments on nearly naked photos of a 20-year-old gay man with his blue checked government account. >> over the last three years, the lieutenant governor has been

regularly commenting on these extremely racy pictures of an influencer. everything from typing out fire emojis where the male user posted his backside to commenting that he has "a super look" and that he loves his content. here's what his press team had to say: "trying to apply something sinister and inappropriate about a great grandfather's use of social media says more about the mind of the left wing operative making the implication than it does about randy mcnally. does he always use the proper emoji at the proper time? maybe not, but he enjoys interacting with constituents and tennesseeans of all religions, backgrounds, and orientations on social media, adding he has no intention of stopping. >> marlon: yeah, i bet he has no intention of stopping. i don't like to stop while i'm jerkin' either! i love his excuse, though. his excuse is that he's a

great-grandfather. that doesn't make it better! the worst part is, you know he probably called his grandson to teach him how to do instagram. "hey, blake, grandpa wants tell this hot young twink that he can ride my face like a unicycle. what emojis should papa use?" and finally, cars in maine are getting a little more boring today. >> a vegan in maine, whose custom license plate contains the word "tofu" is one of the drivers caught up in the state crackdown on vulgar vanity plates. this apparently the plate in question, it says, "love tofu" but the state thinks it could be seen as an inappropriate reference. >> marlon: i love to f-u? are we sure that car doesn't belong to the lieutenant governor of tennessee?

[laughs] [cheers and applause] paw paw. i say, let that man have his license plate. how are you gonna punish a vegan? isn't that diet punishment enough already? for more on this story, we turn to michael kosta. michael! [cheers and applause] what do you think of maine's crackdown on vanity license plates? >> it is ridiculous. this is more unfair than when i was kicked out of high school for cutting class. students can do it, but the substitute teacher can't? double standard much? >> marlon: i think maine is just trying to make sure that license plates aren't obscene. >> okay, but they're going too far! they reject all kinds of completely innocent plates, just because their minds are in the gutter? and i'm speaking from personal experience here. as you would expect, i summer in maine, and just take a look at

some of my plates that they rejected for no reason. i am not a vegan, so i'm not about to have "love tofu." that's why i went with this. i'm a chicken guy. white meat, dark meat. i love it all. put it in my mouth! >> marlon: uh, michael, i got to be honest, that sounds like you're trolling for sex. >> boy, you sound like just all those guys down at the truck stop. you're seeing messages that just aren't here. like, can you believe they also said no to this one about my love of nascar? i'm mr. race! but no! that one actually landed me on some kind of list, can you believe that? i did get a shout-out from tucker carlson, though, apparently, this is also the name of his boat. >> marlon: that one makes me want to punch you in your face. >> so you're not a nascar fan, i

get it. but if that upsets you, just waited till you see the one that the maine department of motor vehicles sent me. >> marlon: oh, okay, that's just a regular plate. >> what are you talking about? l-2-e-f-d-p? "love to eat fat donkey puss?" this is obscene, marlon! i have a family! >> marlon: i think you're overreacting, okay. what plate did you end up with? >> we're still going back and forth. but i'm hoping this is the one they'll accept. [cheers and applause] >> marlon: okay... so you mean like assisting on basketball place? >> no, it's "ass play." it's to express my love of ass play. i love the ass, marlon. >> marlon: i like it myself. okay, let's leave it right there, michael. when we come back, i will tell

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[cheers and applause] >> marlon: welcome back to "the daily show." we all know there's a lot of problems with american schools. low test scores, nasty ass school lunch, no privacy when you are trying to finger bang finger bang in the stairwell. but there is one issue that doesn't get as much attention. >> there has been an increased demand for after-school programs throughout the pandemic. >> the only problem is, they don't have the staff to handle it. >> after-school programs have been inundated across the country, but a lack of funding plus staffing shortages have made the crush of students impossible to keep up with, with 85% of these programs fearing being able to keep up with demand. >> we haven't had waitlists like

this before, so we have needed to cap our enrollment. >> for every child participating in after school in new york, four are waiting for an available program. that's more than 1.6 million children. in 2020, more than 340,000 children were alone and unsupervised between the hours of 3:00 and 6:00 p.m. >> marlon: that's right. just in new york alone, 340,000 kids are alone and unsupervised every afternoon. now if you care about kids, that's terrible news. unless you're a pedophile, then it's the best news you ever heard! you are like, whoo! that's like hearing windowless vans went on sale! but there is a great solution for this. after-school programs! and i'll tell you why in another installment of "long story short." [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ the first benefit of after-school programs should be

obvious: they give kids a place to go after school. it's right there in the name! come on, keep up, stupid! it's true. kids need to stay busy, especially teens. if they don't have something to do, they're gonna find something to do. that's why juvenile crime peaks between 2:00 p.m. and 6:00 p.m. every day. but kids in after-school programs are less likely to do drugs, or drink alcohol, or join a gang. because kids get tired pretty quickly. they only got enough energy for either a carjacking or a dance recital. they can't do both. [applause] kids aren't the only one who benefit, because for every dollar spent on after-school programs, the state gets nearly $7 back in potential benefits thanks to lower teen pregnancy, substance abuse, and crime. now, that doesn't mean that every kid in an after-school program is never gonna commit a crime.

but if a kid stays off the streets and makes it to college, then someday, he can commit a white-collar crime. that's the dream! but the impact goes far beyond keeping kids busy. they also help kids succeed in school. after-school programs are linked to higher grades, attendance, and graduation rates. the only thing better than that it's bribing your kid's teacher. take it from me, that shit can get expensive. shawn. [cheers and applause] they also expose kids to interests and opportunities that music, art, language. there's no limit to the ways after-school programs can broaden your horizons. and i mean, no limit. >> parents in southeast virginia voicing outrage over a proposal to add an after-school satan club to a local public elementary school that teaches

pre-k through second grade. the national director for the satan club defended the idea. >> we don't try to indoctrinate them into satanism. we just want to offer a place that's, you know, fun, you know, exciting, free from any sort of threats of eternal damnation. >> marlon: how come that bitch didn't blink? [laughs] yes, they even have a satanism club. you know there's some parents who are like, "that's horrible. but is it free, though? so it's clear that after-school programs are hugely beneficial. the problem is that they just don't get a lot of money. the federal government is barely funding these programs and the state governments aren't doing much better. but it is possible because california did it. in fact, for the past 20 years, california has outspent all the

other 49 states combined on after-school programs. which is messed up, because california actually has shit to do after school. seriously, compare that to south dakota. there ain't shit to do in south dakota! kids can only look at mount rushmore for so long before they're like, "aight, it's time to do some meth." [cheers and applause] but the reason california spends so much on after-school programs is thanks to the work of one very dedicated kindergarten teacher. >> in 2002, arnold schwarzenegger was almost single-handedly responsible for california's passage of prop 49, which made after-school funding mandatory. even today, the former governor raises money for after-school programs with fun charity events, like crushing things with his tank.

>> i'm inviting you personally to los angeles the crush things in my tank with me. let's crush a taxicab. let's crush a piano. this would benefit the after-school all-stars. so what are you waiting for? let's go around and go crush things with a tank. [cheers and applause] >> marlon: who knew that big buff [bleep] had kids? i killed them. we got to get more celebrity to turn their obsessions into charity. tom cruise, start jumping out of airplanes to save baby seals! snoop dogg, smoke weed for global warming, baby! [cheers and applause] leonardo dicaprio... well, if you seen his girlfriends, he's already running an after-school program. [cheers and applause]

i'm sorry, leo, they made me say it. please let me in your party is [laughter] now, as awesome as this is, our after-school programs shouldn't depend on whether anyone wants to hang out with arnold schwarzenegger. we need to find a more reliable way to fund these programs, because they're important to underprivileged kids. and i know what i'm talking about, because after-school programs were so important for me. that's why i'm talking about this shit! i grew up in the projects in new york city and there were 10 of us wayans kids. but thank god we had an after-school program for us to go to. it exposed us to the arts. imagine if all of that energy and work ethic was directed toward slinging drugs instead. i'm not saying there would be a wayans cartel. but we would've got a lot of [bleep] high. [cheers and applause] listen, changed our lives, not

just for our family, but for a lot of kids in the after-school programs, they did well. but for those who stay on the streets, not so much. see, it makes all the difference to be in a place that keeps you busy, keeps you fed, and keeps you protected. even for the bullies, all the bullies who say, "3:00, i'm going to kick your ass," you are like, so what, i am here until 6:00." [cheers and applause] [laughs] the bully has to join the drama program just to find you. "i'm gonna kick your ass after rehearsal, marlon. but first, read lines with me." let's read this sonnet from "hamlet." so, long story short, we need to make funding after-school programs a national priority. it literally benefits everyone. the kids, the community, and especially you. because if i didn't have after-school programs, you could've been robbed by a wayans! [cheers and applause]

and there is a lot of us. all right, stay tuned because when we come back, my brother omar epps will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪ yo, i'll tell you what i want, ♪ ♪ what i really, really want ♪ ♪ so tell me what you want, ♪ ♪ what you really, really want ♪ ♪ i wanna, i wanna, i wanna, i wanna ♪ ♪ i wanna, really, really, really wanna zigazig ah ♪

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>> marlon: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an actor, producer, and author. and he just so happens to be my best friend in the world. his new book is called "nubia: the awakening." please welcome my brother omar epps! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

omar! >> yeah, you know. >> marlon: looking good, brother. >> i mean, this is a little weird because we grew up together. [cheers and applause] [laughter] >> marlon: i know omar -- i knew him in high school, i've known him since high school. and when we first met, omar in high school used to carry around this little blue ball. he was skinny, had a big ass head and shoulders. he was like an arrow. you can just put him in things and sling him. he is a big ass head and he had a blue ball and he would bounce it all around and all i could think was, i want to kick his ass. >> for no good reason. the thing was, remember "rocky," the first movies? he had the blue ball. that was my thing. i was drinking raw eggs, bouncing the blue ball like rocky. i though i could kick somebody's ass.

>> marlon: we actually didn't like each other until -- we almost fought. we was in the locker room and then we got each other in a headlock. >> we got to a stalemate. we were stuck. >> marlon: we had the same technique. i had you like this and you was digging this part of your wrist into my jaw and i was digging that into your head and you was like, yo, we have the same technique. we should join forces. [laughter] [applause] >> you know what's funny, it's the truth. that is what makes it funny. [laughs] we literally got stuck, we got cool after that, and we've been thick as thieves ever since then. [applause] >> marlon: i'm glad. what was your favorite role? because you have done a lot of great work. >> i always look at it like, i feel like, each role is a piece of a mosaic that is a bigger thing, that will be done once it is said and done, once my time on this earth is done. so i don't have a favorite role. i pour the same amount into

every role that i pour into the next one, and for me, but as you know, there's nothing like the first, you know, that first role that is just like -- >> marlon: you know it is crazy, as you was telling me that, i was sitting there going, where the [bleep] did you learn the word "mosaic?" what are you talking about? [laughter] no, but you are an author now, man. this, this, this made me so proud of you! this book, i was like, this is the dude that cut every class, is writing books. i couldn't even read the note that you passed to me in class. it was in some graffiti or weird language. but man, i am so proud of you. what inspired you to write this book? >> well, i just -- it is a coming of age book about these three teens, it takes place in 2098, and i just was imagining,

what is the world going to look like? what is society going to look like? and more importantly, for me, because we are born and raised in new york, what is new york going to look like? to those kids? and i just started dissecting it and breaking it down, and really trying to look through the eyes of a budding mind. you know, because i am really -- you know, my mother was an educator. so i am really into speaking to kids at different schools and things of that nature, and offer what i can. and this is my offering in that way of, hey, climate change has happened, it's about classism, it's about sexism, it's obviously about racism is still in there. all of the isms, and how do we spin that on its head? because it's really about the kids who are trying to figure themselves out because the 14, 15-year-old stage is an awkward part of life, just for anyone.

so it doesn't matter where you come from. you could be from arkansas, nebraska, or you could be from an urban space like chicago or new york or atlanta or whatever, and i believe that there is something in there for every kid to take away, because it's also about escapism. to give them something to, like, get them through the next day, you know? >> marlon: i read the book, and it's amazing. and i am very proud of you. >> thank you. >> marlon: i swear, it wasn't until the explanation that you just gave me, i thought you cheated on somebody to write this book but now i know, you do know them big words. [applause] i love you, my brother. you guys, go get the book. it is on amazon right now! on amazon! give it up for my brother, omar epps! "nubia: the awakening" is now available! okay, we are going to take a quick break but we are going to be right back! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

get ready for "champions". [ whistle blows ] we are in trouble. that's it baby. good job. i have down syndrome. i'm not deaf. [ chuckles ]

>> marlon: all right. that wraps up my week at "the daily show." but stay tuned because your next post is my boy kal penn! [cheers and applause] if you want to see more of me, you can watch my special "god loves me" on hbo max or catch me on tour, buy tickets at the link below! i will be in boston on saturday! now here it is, your "moment of zen"! piece! [cheers and applause] >> and just be at peace! [indistinct jamaican accent]

♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ goin' down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪ ♪ heading on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ♪ mrph rmhmhm rm! mrph rmhmhm rm! ♪ ♪ come on down to south park and meet some friends of mine ♪