their youth led movement creates political action on climate change across america. if you can, please donate at the link below. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> people consider themselves to be woke. >> what does that mean to you? would you mind defining woke? it is, by a couple times and i want to make sure we are on the same page. >> so, i mean, woke is sort of the idea that -- so it -- i -- this is going to be one of those moments that goes viral. >> announcer: just for men: good-bye embarrassing gray, hello fresh road tar. tonight on "tooning out the news" -- the conservative "hot take" battles the culture wars, accusing legos of introducing more inclusive characters to teach kids about critical plastic theory. then the elites on "inside

the hill" tell comedian ike barinholtz that the oscars promoted the dangerous idea of hanging on to your dreams, instead of the poland spring battle you pee into at your factory job. but first, fox news blames world banks for the economic crisis, urging a return to banks failing purely on their own incompetence. it's time for some "big news." ♪ ♪ good evening. i'm james smartwood, star of the viral video man scream cries while watching "creed 3." the top story -- after the sudden collapse of silicon valley bank, president biden is reassuring consumers that their fake economy has never been less fake and they will not lose a single dollar while he is up for re-election. meanwhile, "fox and friends" co-hosts, and somehow history's most misguided earhart, ainsley earhart, did her part to ease the panic saying you should very calmly and carefully take a crow bar to the nearest atm. >> i understand not ensuing panic, but i think it's time to be honest with the american

people at the same time. >> we need to go to our banks and take our money out. >> okey dokey. that could not have gone over well with fox news advertisers whose quirky business models are built around money existing. critics blame the crisis on silicon valley bank ceo, who when discussing the company's assets used the shortsighted greedy strategy of not lying. that was absolutely idiotic, the employee who works on the asset management side of silicon valley bank told cnn in an interview. they were being very transparent. but their transparency and forthrightness did them in. yes, don't tell us what's happening. just tell us our money is safe and making lots of friends at the kennel. oh, there's my money. who's a good money? >> oh, look at that guy. >> who's gonna be overleveraged by the greedy bank? daddy loves you, money. yes, he does. joining me now is democratic strategist who still thinks she can convert steve kornacki, lydia parker. >> good evening. >> chief washington bureau chief who only buys suits from the finest bin, jonathan keene. >> hello. >> chief field correspondent who had fried dough for breakfast this morning and every morning, james smartwood jr. >> hey, dad.

>> and cbs news' senior white house correspondent whose first words to her child were, this is on the record, weijia jang. thanks so much for joining us, weijia. >> great to be with you, james. >> you too. now, have biden's emergency actions reassured the concerned public that they'll still be able to withdraw their last $300 for a car repair before hitting up the dumpster for half a trash bag of pizza soup? >> well, that was certainly the president's goal as he made remarks about this silicon valley bank collapse. and he really had one message, which is to stay calm and not to panic. and he wanted to reiterate that even though depositors in this case would be made whole and they would have access to all of their funds to pay the bills, to pay employees, that the shareholders would not be protected, the investors would not be, and the people in charge of this bank would not be either. >> you know, it's so reassuring that the fundamentals of our economy are strong and the entire system only crashes

overnight every seven years. >> all i know is that we must do everything we can to support the tech companies that turn us into hyper-stressed, overworked, jitter-brained chimps. >> yes, absolutely. now, look, the worst thing we can do now is panic and cause a run on the banks, which is why we will now play calming music and footage. ♪ ♪ >> there. isn't that nice? >> okay. this country is definitely going down and when it discuss, i get to keep all these chairs. >> well, i wanna keep the chairs. let's start an alliance and split them. >> that's fine with me. i'm fine with that. >> okay. >> i don't want to stand during the economic armageddon. i want a chair too. >> you're not getting a chair. >> yeah, we don't always get what we want, keene. >> well, what are you gonna do with three chairs? >> barter them. you trade them. >> for spices. >> for nutrients. >> and oils. >> okay. i have a pouch of saffron. how many chairs is that worth? >> that's half a chair. >> a leg of a chair. a leg of a chair. >> 1/100. >> okay. oh, wasn't that great. see, everything's fine. >> all: yay! >> all right. as for conservatives, they have a theory on what caused the bank meltdown, but they're not taking

the easy route and researching what actually happened. they're doing the hard work of blaming who they blamed in their previous segment. >> silicon valley bank prioritize wokeness. >> this is one of those woke banks. >> wokism has subplanted merit. >> take a huge, risky gambles on crazy woke projects. >> silicon valley bank is a woke biden bank. >> they were holding seminars on lesbian visibility day and national pride month. >> yes, this collapse happened because silicon valley bank was distracted with pride month, just like fox news' stupid take happened because they were distracted by their pride month. we should give fox news credit though for such an original take on this crisis. it takes a lot of ingenuity to use the word wokeness instead of minorities like they did in 2008. >> i don't remember a clarion call that said fanny and freddie are a disaster. loaning to minorities and risky folks is a disaster. >> when bill clinton decided to tell, you know, robert rubin to rewrite the rules that govern the community reinvestment act and push all these institutions

to lend to minority communities -- >> i don't disagree with you. >> democrats, they forced these banks through the community reinvestment act to make these risky loans. >> look add hud yesterday admitting 5 million illegal aliens were given mortgages. >> look, weijia, it's a pretty simple story here. obviously the woke mob convinced the bankers to hire lobbyists to convince government to deregulate the banks. am i missing anything here? >> i really can't speak to what they were talking about in terms of wokeness, but it is no secret that there is an extreme lack of diversity in the tech industry, and that the overwhelming majority of ceos of startups who were impacted with this collapse of silicon valley bank are white men. so those are facts that we know. i don't know how they're related to the collapse itself. >> well, first of all, i just wanna applaud rush limbaugh for learning his lesson and sitting

out this fight this time. in fox news' defense white guys have never been at the cent of of a financial crisis because by the time it hits, they're at the senator of the mediterranean on a yacht. >> what did you say, senator? >> senator of the mediterranean. >> there's a senate chamber in the mediterranean, is that what you're saying? >> that's -- that's it. >> all right. let's move on with the show. >> wokism caused the great depression. i mean, we've all seen that famous photo of wall street bankers in 1929 reading articles by iram x. kendi the day before the market crashed. >> if i could just jump in here, what is that? >> oh, that -- that's actually always, always been there. >> it was not there before the rank run. is that your money? >> that -- that would be all of my money. yeah, sure. >> okay. but you texted me and said we would not take out our money or we would be selfishly causing mass panic. >> that's right. >> and then you took out your own money? >> i did. >> well, it seems a little selfish. >> oh, dad, yeah, that reminds me. i got out all my money like you said. >> oh, yeah, me too. >> not now, guys. >> so you told everyone but me to take out their money? >> look, just everyone on my text thread with junior, lydia and weijia. >> okay.

i want on that text thread. >> okay. it all comes out. you don't care about having to move into the bus station. >> of course i do. >> you care about being on our secret little text thread. >> i care about all of it, james. >> all right. fine. fine. weijia, are you okay with us putting keene on the text thread? you do not have to say yes. >> i really have to think about it, keene. i'm not -- i'm not sure at this point. sorry. >> oh, weijia. >> that was a goodness. >> i really, really need this text thread. >> but we can text separately. >> i'm okay with that. >> that was the biggest mistake of your life, weijia. >> kill your phone, weijia. kill it dead forever. >> thanks for the advice. i just might do that. >> all right. let's wrap it there. sorry we didn't have time for donald trump trump blaming mike pence for january 6th because he's stubbornly refused to walk into the mob with raw meat strapped to his body. now, tyler, what kind of disproportionate response are you mounting for an attack on your values tonight? >> thanks, james. tonight we battle the culture wars explaining why legos going woke is just an effort to groom our children into the cubic curious lifestyle. that's ahead. ♪ ♪ ♪

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>> announcer: wing stop: why stop your heart when you can wing stop your heart? hey, it's host who believes all objects should be labeled with the top speed you can ride them at, tyler templeton. alongside co-host who won her sorority superlative for most arrested, bonnie davis. co-host who still doesn't understand why the public turned on armie hammer, susan shepherd. and co-host whose brain's recollection of friends' birthdays got replaced by lines from boondock saints, austin sparks. silicon valley bank failed because clint howard didn't get an oscar. this is "hot take." ♪ ♪ >> what's up, armpit stain armada? slap on the fatigues you proudly wear to trick corporate travellers into giving up their

seat and business class, it's time for the latest from the frontlines of the culture wars. first up, legos. here is fox news with the story. >> lego is going woke. the company unveiling a range of new characters and the effort to be more inclusive. lego says the new characters will promote diversity and understanding. some will have anxiety issues. i don't know how you show that. one will have a missing limb. another down syndrome. >> the reason they force identity into toys is because they think identity comes with a built-in political orientation, and that's what they're after here. i'm not having it. >> yeah, i'm not having it either, whoever the hell that guy was. i'm calling on the federal government, which is bloated and out of control, to seize all lego factories and force them to only manufacture a lego featuring a traditional nuclear family choking on their own identity crisis. >> every time they make a new type of lego they have to get rid of an existing one, or so i assume, otherwise i would have zero reason to be upset about this. >> i knew this was coming when

they made the teenage mutant ninja turtles green instead of the traditional white. >> yeah. look, kids do what their toys do. did you hear about this new trend where kids who play with mr. potato head wanna replace their genitals with ears? >> oh, my god. why? next battle. once again disney. florida governor ron de-pete sampras has signed a bill ending disney's self-governance and transferring it to the state of florida because government should only be the military and military-like enforcement of the governor's taste in cartoons. governor ron dre de-saggasi explained his decision this way. >> you clearly had a movement within the corporation itself. of course, burbank, california, based elements of it that said it's their job or it's their goal to inject a lot of this sexuality into the programming for young kids. >> yes. if characters are not straight, it's sexual. if they are straight, it's not sexual.

that's why heterosexuality only has the word sex once as opposed to homo sexy sexual sex. >> when i think of all the festive costumes and musical parades of disney, i'm always saying, can you imagine if this ever turned gay? >> well, luckily governor desantis controlling the disney board will usher a new era of more kid appropriate hetero normative characters. and tonight we have a special treat, an exclusive interview with the first one. please welcome alpha penguin. >> that's for having me. >> of course. thanks for being here, penguin. so what's in store for your first desantis-approved disney project? >> it's fun for the whole family. >> that's amazing. >> finally. >> yeah. it starts on a normal day in penguin town when suddenly a seal shows up who wants everyone to stop eating animals and start eating seaweed. so i pass a law that puts him in jail. the end. >> wow. that sounds -- that sounds great. and i assume like all other beloved disney movies, your

character experiences a lot of personal growth? >> what? no. i'm the exact same person at the beginning and the end. if anything, i get a little dumber. >> oh, i guess that's cool. >> wait, wait, wait, wait. i actually do learn something. >> oh, what's that? >> everyone sucks but me. >> well, i bet there are some classic disney songs that my kids will listen to nonstop. >> oh, yeah. >> yeah. >> can't wait. >> that's the best. >> oh, yeah, yeah. there sure is. at the climax i go on a 20-minute rant against immigration while the walrus goes nuts on a timpani. >> okay. that sounds fun, yeah. >> any fun stories from behind the scenes? >> oh, we had a blast all right. i made the crew build a giant clock counting down the days until moana turned 18. >> what? whoa! >> she's an angel on earth. >> yeah. she can literally read the stars in the sky, you pig. >> uh-oh. here comes the woke mob coming to cancel alpha penguin. get in line, jerk-offs.

>> they should call you rat alpha rat. >> catch alpha penguin in penguin town. coming soon to disney+. thanks for joining us, alpha penguin. >> oh, yeah. there better be blow in the green room. >> good god. when "tooning out the news" returns, the wealthy hosts of "inside the hill" welcome their second favorite comedian after their cleaning lady who always asks for a raise, ike barinholtz. that's ahead. i think i saw alpha penguin getting slugged at a strip club. >> yeah, i'm not paying a cover. okay. >> announcer: "tooning out the news" the podcast is available news" the podcast is available th

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>> announcer: l.l. bean: is that paul bunyan in the marketing meeting? tonight we're joined by comedian ike barinholtz to discuss the oscars' divisive message that people can triumph over adversity even when they're not a failed bank. >> let's go "inside the hill." ♪ ♪ >> i'm sarah sabo, and i'm past due for a racket ball court tantrum. >> and i'm rich ballard and i make my son's body guards dress like "paw patrol." >> ahh. and we are joined by "wall street journal" columnist who hasn't washed one of her hands since she spanked a koch brother in the '70s, eleanor palmer. >> good evening. >> let's jump in. it was an extremely divisive academy awards ceremony as "everything everywhere all at once" won best picture, despite

the film's outlandish conceit that poor people have thoughts and feelings. >> and to make matters worse, one of the film's stars, best supporting actor ke huy quan, said that people can rise above the station the market's divine wisdom saw fit to place them in. >> my journey started on a boat. i spent a year in a refugee camp and somehow i ended up here on hollywood's biggest stage. this is the american dream. >> what the [ bleep ] was that? >> let's be clear. the american dream is receiving legacy admission to princeton, an offer for a do nothing wall street job, then retiring at age 27 on an insider trading tip from your harvard business school classmate turned senator. >> ugh. now i'm tearing up. >> here to discuss is the star, executive, producer and writer behind hulu's "history of the world, part two," actor and comedian ike barinholtz. welcome, ike. >> oh, hey, rich. thanks for having me, guys. it's a pleasure. >> absolutely. now, ike, you're a movie guy. >> his nickname is mr. movie. >> mr. movie, why are we

celebrating all these sick stories about working class people striving for more? >> when will there be a movie about a ceo learning to use his bathroom's heated tile floor? >> i personally think it's great that, you know, we're celebrating, you know, working class people. i think, you know, a lot of times we focus too much on the uber wealthy and i think a lot of the people who see the movies are working class people. so it's kind of a good thing, i would say, that we're telling stories about every day people so they can relate to them. >> now i thought this was the best speech of the night. take a look at this. >> thank you, ted sarandos. >> and that's how it's done. thank your corporate overlord. >> really beautiful. >> inspiring. >> now, ike, you're a comedian. >> that so funny. >> it sure is. we love comedy. my favorite genre is black friday shopping videos where someone gets crushed. >> oh, my god.

>> stop. stop. i'm gonna have a laugh attack. but let's talk about the state of comedy. everything's gotten so woke and sensitive that you cannot make jokes anymore. >> yeah, you can't have classic comedy scenes like the "revenge of the nerds'," rape or "national lampoon's vacation's" open racism. >> i think to your point about, you know, cancel culture, i think it's a little blown out of proportion a little bit. >> oh! >> i think that a lot of times people who complain about it are people who just are mad that they're not getting big laughs or that people are telling them that they're bad. but i think a lot of people that people think are canceled are not, like -- people are, like, oh, louis ck's canceled. he just played madison square garden. out of the things that we should be worried about in this country, cancel culture is probably somewhere like 405 on the list. >> so just ahead of poverty. >> uh-huh. well, you bring up louis ck and, sure, louis ck sold out shows at madison square garden, but only because all those people wanted to pay 30 bucks to drink a beer in a rat hole.

>> sure. >> now, ike, you won the most recent season of celebrity "jeopardy!" >> look at that. you do own a collared shirt. and that said," jeopardy!" only tests knowledge about irrelevant topics like arts and sciences. >> which brings us to our new quiz show "inside the hill jeopardy." >> now, ike, we'll give you a clue that's actually relevant and you give us the answer in a form of a question. ready? >> sounds good. >> first clue -- this is how you guarantee a good table at jean-georges. >> what is slip maitre d' a 20? >> oh, correct answer is what is guaranteed admission at buckley for the maitre d' secret affair baby. >> oh. >> so close. >> really, specificity is key with these. >> that was in the same -- i was in the neighborhood. >> next clue -- this person is known for her greeting, hello, sweetheart. >> who is audrey from "little shop of horrors"? >> oh, we were looking for who is my neighbor angela in bridgehampton. >> oh. >> very close, ike.

>> that -- yeah, that's -- that's a niche. that's a niche question. >> okay. it's time for the final "inside the hill jeopardy." the clue is -- this makes me happy. now write down your answer. >> okay. i'm gonna write that down. it's pretty subjective, but -- >> all right. ike, the clue was -- this makes me happy. the answer, what is nothing? and i mean nothing. i've pursued fulfillment from sex dungeons in bulgaria to monasteries in the himalayas, and my existence only feels even more empty. i am a ghost eternally wandering this cursed earth, hoping death brings respite from perpetually shoving wealth into the joyless howling void that is my heart. ike, what is -- what is you -- ike, what do you have? >> i said what makes me happy is being with my family. >> oh. >> way off. that actually -- that means we have to take money away from a charity. tough. when "tooning out the news" returns, we address our recently leaked text messages and how you can't surmise how we feel about

our audience based on a mere terabyte of texts denigrating them. that's ahead. >> ike, real quick, will you take a look at my son's reel and tell him he has no future? >> oh, no. no, no, no. i try to encourage young artists into following their dreams. so i would be not great for that. >> oh, do not encourage buster. he sucks. >> announcer: follow "tooning out the news" on facebook, twitter, instagram and tiktok

on the next episode of "tv dad"... kids are so expensive, dad. maybe try switching your car insurance to progressive. you could save hundreds. that's a great idea, tv dad. listen to your tv dad. drivers who switch and save with progressive save nearly $700 on average. yo! you gotta try this new axe. it's the fine fragrance g.o.a.t.! ♪ ♪ the new axe fine fragrance collection. smell finer than the finest fragrances with the g.o.a.t. chairs, gotta go... okay! i'm thinking couches... or loveseats? yeah, loveseats. something about loveseats make me feel happy.

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♪♪ uhhhhhhh! wait just - i'll get it back in a second. try turning it on and off. i just got a spoiler! ♪ suspenseful music ♪ sfx: [crunch] battery! tostitos® hearty dippers™. anyone have a charger? ♪ ♪ welcome back. before we go, an apology. in 2020 after bernie sanders won democratic primaries in new hampshire and nevada, we claimed that the sanders' campaign rigged dominion voting machines prompting a massive lawsuit against us. >> during the discovery phase, some of our private correspondences were released to the public.

>> i would like to offer a sincere apology for texting, everything we tell our viewers is a lie designed to benefit us, but they're too dumb to realize it. that was taken completely out of context. >> yes. same goes for my text reading, if these texts leak, let's just say they were taken out of context, even though that's just another lie. i did not write that. i was hacked. >> and i was hacked when i wrote, rich and i were definitely not hacked. these are our true thoughts. we lie to the viewers. they know we are lying and they go with it because the lie is all they have. we hope that clears the air. we hope that clears the air. good night, everyone. - ♪ mtv ♪ [rock music] ♪ ♪ [tranquil music] [ethereal shimmering] - greetings, lowly mortals. i am smart butt-head.