- no, you got to listen to me! - dude, when he gets out, he's gonna be really mad! - whatever! that's, like, five years from now! - yeah, who cares? - yeah! - whoo-hoo! we did it! so long, trent. have a nice time. ♪ nyah-nyah-nyah, nyah-nyah-nyah ♪ ♪ ha-ha-ha, ha-ha-ha ♪ - hey, hold on a second! - uh-oh. - boobs! - boobs! - oh, my god, boobs! - i'm taking them to the bushes. - i'm taking them to the bushes first! - no, wait! [screams] captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in

america, it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, al franken! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> al: welcome to "the daily show." i'm al franken. and it's tuesday, which is the day trump told us he was going to be arrested, which it turns out, didn't happen. so that's the last time i believe something that guy says. we've got a great show for you tonight, and let's get right into the headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's begin right here in new york city,

the greatest city in the world. [cheers and applause] it's changing its pronouns. >> the iconic "i love new york" logo is getting a makeover. the new campaign, "we love new york city," launched by officials to help the city rebound from the pandemic. designers keeping the big red heart, but switching up the font a little bit. mayor adams and governor hochul on hand in times square to unveil the new logo with the help of broadway stars and community leaders. >> no one will ever beat new yorkers down. and we took the "i" out of "i love new york" and we brought the "we." we're in this together. >> al: that's right, it's not "i" anymore, it's "we." as in, "we can't afford rent," [cheers and applause] or, "we just got pushed in front

of the subway." or "we just pushed someone in front of the subway." but if you are wondering how they got this incredible new slogan, i actually have some of the runner ups here. let's see, some of the other options were... "we love jew york." okay. "jew york, jew york." "start spreading the jews." and then they told kanye to leave the meeting. and that's when they settled on "we love new york city." now let's move on to a story that's very sad for those of us who love fox news.

because it turns out that a producer for tucker carlson is suing the network, saying that the network pressured her to lie in the dominion voting machines lawsuit. and i actually wasn't surprised about this at all, because all the way back, 20 years ago, i wrote a book about fox news called "lies and the lying liars who tell them: a fair and balanced look at the right." and in fact, i wanted to treat you guys tonight, so if you all look under your seats, you'll find directions to a local bookstore where you can buy it for $29.99. okay, let's move on to international news this week.

vladimir putin is hosting chinese president xi jingping for a three-day summit in moscow and a lot of people are upset with xi for cozying up to putin after he's become an international pariah. but you know what? i think that that is exactly the time when you really find out who your friends are. we should all be so lucky to have friend like president xi, who doesn't charge us for every little crime against humanity. and other overseas news, there was a big win for workers in france, who will now get to work longer than ever. despite weeks of protest from lazy french people who wanted to keep the retirement age at 62, the government has now raised the age at which workers can retire with a pension to 64.

and this is terrible news, because it's leading to an revolution in france. and last time that happened, we all had to listen to russell crowe sing show tunes. so fix this right now, france! i am sorry, but i have no patience for people who need to stop working in their early 60s. i'm 71, and i'm working, and i [cheers and applause] and i haven't lost a -- step, beat. i'm as sharp as i was when i started on... oh, "saturday night live!" i haven't lost a step since then. and that was back in 1975, nearly 20 -- 30...

40... decades. let's get to the story today -- [cheers and applause] but let's get to the story today that makes all the other stories kind of pointless. according to the u.n., we're all going to die. >> just in to cnn, a dire warning about the state of the planet. a new u.n. report warns the climate time bomb is ticking and the world is running out of time to avoid catastrophe. this report tells us we need a quantum leap in climate action and every country in the world has to reduce emissions at warp speed to try curb the warming of our planet. we are nowhere close to making that paris agreement goal of curbing warming to 1.5 degrees celsius from preindustrial levels. to accomplish all of it, developed and the richest nations in the world would need to reach net zero by 2040. that is going to be nearly

impossible. >> al: wow. that's awful. shout out to my baby boomers! feels like we got the last chopper outta saigon, doesn't it? and that's a reference we baby boomers understand. part of the problem is, the u u.n.'s expectation of coll colle action, it's easy to shirk your part when everybody has to chip in. so the solution here is to call out people individually. the next u.n. report shouldn't say, "we all must lower our emissions," it should say, "gary, stop driving your car so much! you don't need to visit your wife's grave every day, she's not keeping track!" the fact is, on our current path, we're in for a grim future. and to find out just how grim, let's go to the future to talk

to desi lydic. [cheers and applause] >> hi, al, yes, i am reporting from the year 2075. can you believe it? this face is 93. take that, paul rudd. >> al: desi, i'm afraid to ask, but how is the climate crisis going 60 years from now? >> climate crisis? oh, we solved that years ago! look! the entire world looks like a lisa frank folder. >> al: hold on. we fixed climate change? how did that happen? >> well, it started when the u.n. issued its report on march 20, 2023, warning that we had to radically reduce carbon emissions by 2040. so, we read the report and we made all the changes and saved the world! back to you, al! >> al: wait, desi. you're talking about the report from yesterday?

>> yeah, it laid out exactly what we needed to do so everybody came together and did it. why wouldn't we? >> al: wasn't doing all that really expensive? >> yeah, it definitely was. but the alternative was the destruction of the planet, so of course, we just spent the money! obviously! back to you, al. >> al: i can't believe it, everything sounds so great in the future. >> oh, it sure is! oh, hi, little guy. >> al: a grasslands pharaoh? i thought those were going extinct. >> they were, but we turned it around! we re-forested the amazon. we got all the plastic out of the ocean and upcycled it into friendship bracelets that we all

wear, unironically! plus, all the children joined hands and sang in a harmony so beautifully, it ended war forever. >> al: wow, holy crap! really? all that happens? >> oh, my god, no! you dumb dumb! i'm being sarcastic! you think that for some reason, we are going to suddenly start listening to u.n. climate reports? no! al, i'm not from the future. this is all fake. i'm literally in the same room as you right now! [cheers and applause] >> al: i'm so stupid. i didn't realize that. >> i hate to say it, but we're gonna keep driving ford expeditions and burning fossil fuels until the ocean swallows us whole.

>> al: well, i guess you are right, desi. and, you know, that's our satirical point. if only satire had the power to change the future for the better. >> well, al, the good news is there's still a chance that our sharp-witted satire will inspire people to make the necessary changes to save our planet. >> al: wow, really? >> no! oh, my god! i'm being sarcastic! jesus christ, were you really a senator? >> al: yes. yes, i was. desi lydic, everyone. [cheers and applause] all right, when we come back, i'm going to dig around in your trash. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

ozzy, are you going to help me pack these boxes or what? we've got a flight to england! hang on, sharon. i want to plug in my playstation vr2. is that a friendly dinosaur? (roaring) oh my god! what the... (screeching) (screaming) oh, no! sharon! rated "t" for teen. (laughing) this is amazing! electronic voice: playstation. [dramatic music] [radio chatter] ♪ welcome home, commander! [music swells]

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>> al: welcome back. welcome back to "the daily show" coming to you from fabulous new york city. new york is a city of superlatives: biggest, tallest, richest, most richest, most duane-readiest. but because so many people live in new york, it's also the trashiest city on the u.s. recently, i decided to try and answer a very basic question. you ever wonder where your garbage actually goes? as a new yorker, i have always kind of assumed that it was taken away by some garbage fairy after i put it outside my apartment. well, it turns out that is not the case. in fact, i don't know what happens to it, so i am here at the 91st street transfer station to find out. ♪ ♪ my guide is jessica tisch,

new york's 41st commissioner of sanitation. a lifelong new yorker with only three harvard degrees. she formally held high-ranking positions in both the city administration and the police department and all of that has led her to this. ♪ ♪ >> al: wow. that is a lot of trash. >> yeah, this isn't a a lot of trash for us. this is probably less than 500,000 pounds of it. >> al: this is what you wanted to do. >> yeah, a girl can dream. >> al: there it is. >> i was desperate to run sanitation. >> al: why did you want this? >> sanitation is the essential service. everyday, new yorkers make 24 million pounds of trash and recycling. we don't do our job for one day, everyone in new york city notices. if we don't do our jobs for two or three days, that is a public health crisis. >> al: commissioner tisch has already been a dynamo of innovation. bringing new ideas in a breath of fresh air to gotham's piles

of garbage. >> we announced this week that we are changing this at all times for trash to 8:00 p.m. >> this week, department of sanitation launched its first all borough composting. >> the biggest swing we can do to clean up the street is to shut down the all-night all-you-can-eat rat buffet. >> tell me about you have been associated with the word "rat," and "rats," because he said something that went viral. >> the rats don't run the city. we do. >> the rats don't run this city. >> the rats don't run this city. we do. ♪ ♪ >> we do. >> i think i went viral. >> al: jesse tisch took it to the rats. >> the idea is, one-third of the material in these black bags is food. we are trying to take the food and composted and create soil. >> al: now the rats won't like that. >> the rats will hate that. >> al: put the rats don't run the city. >> we do.

>> al: yeah. >> look outcome of the truck is coming. >> al: that would be -- >> we have to go. >> al: this is my is mine! >> let's go. >> al: i am stepping and cabbage. there it is! whoo! >> isn't it amazing? >> al: holy moly! >> al: from here, the trash is loaded into containers and put on barges, that makes a stop at staten island. >> what are you? >> al: not even trash watch her stay there so it is shoveled off to buffalo by rail where it is burned to generate electricity. >> al: what is that? >> that is our composting mascot. >> al: can you come over here? i got a bone to pick with you. you clearly model scrappy after me. the glasses, kind of the jew f

fro. >> what about the eyebrows? >> al: those are my eyebrows. >> you should be flattered. that is our composting mascot. >> al: thank you, scrappy. okay, go away. so far, i've learned that i my composting been, that trash travels more than i do, and that i don't have to bring my own garbage bag to the transfer station. that is new york's unsung heroes, the trash collectors. who let me ride along his night shift through manhattan's west village. >> all right, all right. right. let's get ready to roll. the quicker we get it done, the quicker the rats. >> al: want to know something? the rats don't run the city. >> that is true, yes, correct, they don't. we run the city. >> al: what about this thing up the trash not being out? >> that is a very smart idea because you know what, i guess sanitation has been doing it for 70, 80 years, putting out at

4:00 p.m., it's been out for 16 hours, doesn't make sense. out at 8:00 p.m. bus routes. >> al: it was going to be a long night. i wanted him i was ever going to make it as a garbageman. hey, i'm working here! i'm picking up garbage here! [horn honking] >> al: we are picking up garbage here! we are going to move but we are picking up garbage here! [horn honking] >> al: [bleep]! >> you are doing it wrong. >> al: jesus christ. hey, this is easy. you ever spent three hours trying to write a joke? and not be able to? >> this is nothing. we got ten blocks to go. >> al: okay, yeah, i think you guys are fine without me. and so can you give me a lift home? i am on the upper west side. >> want to go on the back? >> al: even though nick

refused me to give me a ride home, i know it is because he is something much more important to do, keep our streets clean. after all, this is new york city. we all need to work together with mutual respect... [horn honking] [cheers and applause] >> al: a big thank you to jessica tisch, nick and tommy, and everyone at the department of sanitation. you people are amazing. we'll be right back with "succession"'s alan ruck right after this. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> al: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a wonderful actor who plays connor roy on the emmy award-winning hbo series "succession." >> just polling. and, yeah, ten days out. >> nice, what are you at now? >> solid, still holding. >> you are at 1%. >> it's just in these last days, it could get squeezed. >> squeezed down? from 1? because that is the lowest number possible. >> it's, you know, decimals. >> al: please welcome alan ruck! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

>> hello, senator. >> al: hello. somehow you got a bigger welcome than lindsey graham last night, i don't know how that happened. i love the show. my wife and i watch it every sunday night, we've been looking forward to sunday for the premier. now, this is the saga of the roy family. >> yeah. [laughter] >> al: yeah. and connor is the oldest son. >> mm-hmm. >> al: and you are maybe the least accomplished. >> it's safe to say that, yeah. [laughter] >> al: okay. and i know this is going to be the last season, right? >> yeah, it is. >> al: so how does it end? >> ah! i can't do that, not even for you. i'm sorry, can't do it. >> al: well, we see in that clip, you are running for president. >> yes, i am. >> al: okay, so you can't tell

us whether or not you win. >> no, but i'm working that 1%, man. i mean, that is leverage. >> al: might have been a tip-off that maybe you don't. but you never know. things get weird, right? >> it is a crazy show, it is surprising, you can't out-guess jesse armstrong. >> al: the show, it is going off the air. >> yeah. >> al: that must -- you must -- it looks like you guys love each other. you guys love working with each other, i have never seen -- it looks like a tremendous amount of fun. it is a brutal, brutal, emotional show, but it is also quite funny. >> yes, it is wickedly funny and i think something that helps it along is that all the actors are wonderfully -- they are just wonderful, intelligent, kindhearted people that are playing all of these bastards, so it adds something to it that you can't help but like them even though they are miserable human beings. i am going to miss everybody

terribly. but i think jesse is smart to end it on this high note. >> al: yeah. sometimes, things run their course. i just -- i am going to miss seeing it, but i can't wait. it is sunday is when it starts, so it starts this sunday. >> coming up. >> al: does somebody end up getting the leadership of the company? because a lot of this has been all about one of the -- >> succession. >> al: succession. [cheers and applause] >> al: of course. of course. >> yeah, i can just say that someone does. >> al: okay, that is good to know. >> yeah. >> al: i just can't wait to see it. and it has just been a masterful show. my congratulations to everyone, >> wonderful bunch of people.

>> al: well, congratulations. >> this has been the best bunch i have ever worked with, truly. and i have been doing this a long time now. >> al: yeah, i know some of the other people you have worked with, and they will be really sorry to hear that. alan. [cheers and applause] season 4 of "succession" will premiere march 26th on hbo and hbo max! okay. we are going to take a quick break and we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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>> al: that's our show for tonight but before we go: when i was in the senate, one of my favorite pieces of legislation was matching service dogs with veterans with ptsd. hero dogs a great organization that raises, trains, and places wonderful and life changing service dogs. if you can support them in their work, please donate at the link below. now here is your "moment of zen." >> boy meets world star ben savage is hoping to take on his latest role, boy meets congress. >> so boy meets congress. >> boy meets congress. >> coming up, boy meets congress? >> is actually also boy meets congress because why not? - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪