i told dwight that there is honor in losing, which as we all know is completely ridiculous. but there is however honor in making a loser feel better, which is what i just did for dwight. would i rather be feared or loved? um, easy. both. i want people to be afraid of how much they love me. and i think i proved that today at the dojo. typewriter torture. sensei, help. typewriter torture. no. typewriter. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america, it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, john leguizamo! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> john: yo, yo, what's up!

welcome to "the daily show." i'm john leguizamo. and i'm back for night two as your as your first latino "daily show" host ever. [cheers and applause] yeah, that's right, if you change the channel now, you're a racist, bitch. but we've got a great show for you tonight. so let's get into the headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] all right. lutz kick things off with donald trump, the former president of the united states and future president of cellblock d. [cheers and applause] yesterday, trump sat down for an interview on fox news with sean man-titties. that's his real name. it sounds like ron desantis.

>> ron came to see me, tears in his eyes. he said, "i need you to do me a big favor." "would you endorse me? i fought for you." so, i said: "let's give it a shot, ron, okay?" and he was desperate. i said, okay. i gave him a nice endorsement. i got him the nomination. by the way, could have never gotten the nomination. he would be working in either a pizza parlor place or a law office right now, okay? and he wouldn't be very happy. >> john: wow, ron desantis would be working in a pizza parlor? i guess in trump's mind, every italian is working in a pizza place or a law office. or even better, a pizza place that is a law office. ♪ ♪ had it on backwards. [laughs] [cheers and applause] hey, hey! hey, you, come here! have you been injured on the job

and you are hungry? then come on in to destefano and sons. and if we can't win your case, the garlic knots are to die for!" [cheers and applause] now you probably missed this because of the casual racism, but trump said that ron desantis came to him crying. though, if you hear him and other stories, you probably notice that this happens to trump all the time. >> i mean, i had a man come up to me, who's a strong, tough guy and he had tears coming down his eyes. people came to me and they saw me and they were crying. i stood yesterday with 75 construction workers. half of them had tears pouring down their face. and they walk into the oval office and they start crying. this guy, he hasn't cried since he was a baby and probably

didn't cry then either and now he's crying. this happens all the time. this happens all the time. thank you. tears. tears! >> john: [laughs] why? why? why are people always in tears around donald trump? what is up with this guy? is his body odor so strong that people's eyes just start watering around him? [cheers and applause] right? is he constantly chopping onions? is he always just playing the beginning of "up" for some reason? all right, let's move on to some news. that has become all too common now. there was yet another school shooting yesterday, this time in nashville, tennessee. yes, sir, were six people were killed including three children.

for this to happen even once is unacceptable and i would need seems to happen all the goddamn time. i am sick to death of this. i want to know what our representative is planned to do about it. because if you ask this -- yes. [applause] oh, yeah. because if you ask this representative from tennessee, he plans to do jack shit about it. >> so it's a horrible horrible situation. and we are not gonna fix it. criminals are going to be criminals. and my daddy fought in the second world war, fought in the pacific, fought the japanese. and he told me, he said, buddy, he said, if somebody wants to take you out and doesn't mind losing their life, there's not a whole heck of a lot you can do about. [boos] >> john: "there is not a lot you can do about it," that's the best you have to offer? you are a congressman! if you don't have any ideas about how to keep our kids safe? get the [bleep] out of the way! and go work at a pinkberry or

some shit! by the way, no disrespect to his father but if going to school and america feels like fighting in world war ii, that should be a sign that things are seriously [bleep] up in america. okay? [applause] now there is still a lot we don't know about this crime. the police say it is possible that the shooter was born female and now identifies as male. so of course, a lot of republicans, like marjorie taylor greene are now saying that trans people are the problem. which i know seems crazy since [boos] that's right. it seems crazy. because since 99.9% of the mass shooters are not trans. but you know what, marjorie, i think i have a proposal for you. here's the thing, marjorie: i agree with you. i don't think trans people should be allowed to own assault rifles either. so let's stop them! but just to be safe, we should also ban non-trans people from

owning assault rifles, okay? [cheers and applause] just in case they become trans. okay? you know what i mean? no assault weapons for anybody, that'll show them! and some people might try to tell you that i'm tricking you into supporting gun control, but we all know you are too smart for that! come on, you can trust me, homegirl. it's just you and me, baby. [cheers and applause] all right, and finally, let's mmove on to a fun story. you know that as a planet we need to find a more humane and sustainable way to go meat. well, now, some scientists have found a new source of meat that makes absolutely no sense. >> a team of scientists from australia has announced that they've created a meatball from the dna of the extinct wooly

mammoth. >> it was created from the cells of a woolly mammoth and grown in a lab. and they took the dna sequence from a mammoth muscle protein and filled in the gaps with cells from an elephant, the mammoth's closest living relative. scientists say the meat should taste pretty good, but they're afraid to eat it, in case the ancient protein is deadly to our current immune system. >> the mammoth meatball is not for consumption, but instead is a symbol that we hope invites viewers and your audience to start thinking about where their food comes from. >> john: first off, as someone who was best friends with a woolly mammoth... [cheers and applause] for nine films and three tv specials, i got to say... i have been dying to know what a wooly mammoth tastes like. the amount of times i thought about marinating manfred and grilling him up.

you have no idea. it's just good to know that there are some scientists who are focused on the important problems of our time. because they are like... [in australian accent] "listen, we don't have a cure for cancer, but we can tell you what mr.snuffleupagus tastes like." [in normal voice] that sounded more cockney than australian, but that's all right. for more on this meatball story, we turn live to dulce sloan at the laboratory. [cheers and applause] dulce, what's the news over there? >> listen, why are we doing this? scientists out here making meat they afraid to eat when there are so many animals we have

never written into? and we haven't tried, you know, eating a sea otter, hippopotamus, or most birds. so why are we going back in time? listen, i don't know what sea lions taste like but they don't walk so i am sure they are buttery. >> john: i understand that, but let's think about this scientific discovery, okay? because dulce, this is an incredible feat. the mammoth's been extinct for thousands of years. if they're able to make a sustainable meat source, it could change the world. >> so what? i don't give a damn about eating an unshaved elephant. use this science shit to bring back what the world really needs: cavemen! [cheers and applause] >> john: wait, wait. come on. but are you talking about, cavemen, really? >> you heard me! test tubes regenerating shit. they out here playing with

test tubes regenerating shit. well, then bring back those cavemen that were built like something i can use. bring back those cavemen that were built like morris chestnut. like a real man. they ain't making men like that no more! listen. he's got pectorals and real calves, no implants. you see men today? they ain't got it. talking about short kings, please. short kings are a lie. don't start with me. they can't pick nothing up, they are walking around in skinny jeans, their legs looking -- 30s just look like leg knuckles. you know what i'm talking about? i want to men who looked like he can provide for me. all right? go and kill a whole antelope with his hands because he doesn't know his strength.

like, you know how many men have had me over the head, thrown me over their shoulder, taking me back to their man cave? none. [cheers and applause] >> john: even if you were able to bring back cavemen, their brains were different. they might not be able to pick up the language. >> oh, the strong silent type? take my money! [cheers and applause] plus, i heard that them cavemen were hung like curtains! all right! listen! they get to run around, that thing is swinging like a ceiling fan! [laughs] >> john: o oh, god, oh, jesus. dulce, i don't know that scientists have the resources to bring back a caveman for you. >> they don't need to.

listen, i'm on it. i'm doing science, and back in school. i've got a whole five year plan. i get my masters, then i get my doctorate, then i get my man. [cheers and applause] because if you want to get women in stem, then you got to get a caveman in me! [cheers and applause] >> john: all right. okay. well, good luck with that is all i can say. dulce sloan, everyone. all right, when we come back, i [cheers and applause] go head-to-head with the legend himself, crazy legs. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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heh. a brighter boston. ♪ take the parking spot! you take the parking spot! i insist! no, i insist! boston lager. now brighter. sam adams, baby! [cheers and applause] >> john: welcome back to "the daily show." one thing i want to do this week is to introduce you all to my new york. so i decided to go catch up with my brother from another mother, the man who gave new york street grad. >> i don't look a day over 35 but i actually grew up in the '70s in new york city.

[cheers and applause] through the culture, i met amazing people like my friend crazy legs, a pioneer of the art form that white people call break dancing and everybody else calls break. crazy licks her dancing at age nine. he was part of the legendary rock steady crew in the early 1980s. he was even a body double. he was instrumental at turning breaking into a worldwide phenomenon. >> crazy! what's up! [cheers and applause] >> john: so look, you are called crazy legs, and i am called johnny legs. is that why we are friends? >> first of all, i would like to, yo, i hear your name. [laughter] you've always been a little competitive. >> john: so how did you get the name crazy legs? >> i would practice after school in the auditorium. and the captain of the cheerleader would be practicing and she would be like, oh, he

got some crazy legs. >> john: [laughs] now that you are older, you think you need to change your name from crazy legs to something a little more mature like stable legs? "crazy" is kind of become an ableist term. maybe something like "neurodivergent legs." [laughter] >> more like "give it up legs." >> john: when did you meet me question marks >> i met you at avenue a on a club, shortly after that, we connected on freak. >> john: oh, my god. you made me look like i had really do shit. i hurt myself. >> you did? i tore my hamstring. >> john: break dancing when you all a break something. >> goes with the turf. ♪ ♪ >> breaking. >> john: we've both been involved with the puerto rican community for ever. you especially working on the island for relief. and i have been cast as a puerto rican by hollywood.

you think i am believable? >> i think any latino from new york is believable -- >> john: really? >> because we are so interchangeable with each other. we understand each other's accents. so you got that. >> john: yes. the seal of approval. that is delicious. some hip-hop culture, man, it started underground. nobody knew about it, it was a black and latino thing, and now suburban -- 1 out of 5 suburban dads want to break-dance. you can bust a move? >> i can do that break dancing thing, it is fantastic. >> for us to come from nothing to create something that has been around the globe, we are looking at dancing in the street in the bronx to breaking into the olympics in 2024 in paris. [cheers and applause] my mission right now is to see how much money i can raise to support some of the dancers to have the same equal playing

field in the olympics. really only takes about $100,000 to secure -- >> john: just $100,000. >> when you think about for the year, that gets them to national and international qualifiers, it allows them a trainer, a meal plan, and just to not have to work. >> john: you can't do both. >> anyone else who has that ability to support, hit people up. >> john: hit us up, send the money to me. i might get it to him. may be. ♪ ♪ >> what? [laughter] >> in the house. >> john: back in the day, they said, break dancing started when kids would settle their fights through break dancing, they would do battling. >> here's the thing. that was a fallacy about us solving beefs with dance. >> john: is it? >> if you disrespected me, we

are not going to dance, man. [laughter] no, man. >> john: i'm gullible, man, i believe everything. >> i get it, you got information late. you are from queens. >> john: that is cold-blooded, man. we are going to have to set settle disputes the old-fashioned way by b-boy dancing! queens against what? >> versus queens! >> john: come on! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> we got john leguizamo! and crazy legs! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> oh! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] doing a dance off! right now! crazy legs! make some noise! [cheers and applause] and john leguizamo, make some noise! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> john: all right! stay tuned because when we come back, diane guerrero will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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"the daily show." my guest tonight is an activist, author, and actor you may know from "orange is the new black," "doom patrol," and "encanto." please welcome diane guerrero! please! yeah! whoo! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] yes! calm down, calm down. relax, y'all, relax. >> hi. >> john: they're excited. they're excitable. >> i'm excited! >> john: hey, diane, do people believe you that you do the voice for "encanto"? because when i tell kids, nobody believes me. >> i have to sing the entire song. >> john: the whole song, but then they believe you? >> then they believe me. i have to do a few lines. like "flowers." "i've been stuck!" >> john: and now i believe you.

[laughs] i wasn't sure if you were in "encanto," but now i got it. now, i also hear that you are the leading actor in the visionary alliance for the national hispanic media coalition. i had to read that because that's a long title. >> i'm not the leading actor. >> john: you're not the leading actor. >> i'm not the leading actor, i am one of the actors. >> john: oh, one of them, okay. >> yes. >> john: what is the mission statement of the coalition? >> i'll give you numbers. i'm not a math girly but i will give you some numbers. in 2022, only three women of color directed a top 100 film. >> john: what? >> in the span of 16 years, okay, 21 female directors, women of color directors directed 21 films out of 1600 films. >> john: that's crazy. >> i'm not a math girly, like i said. >> john: people of color are at least 40% of the population, if not a lot more, because white people are only 59% of the population. >> right, right. i mean, that is getting into more numbers than i rehearsed, but -- >> john: i'm a math boy.

>> you are a math boy. all i know it is that's cultural apartheid. >> john: yes, for real. >> that is a term you use a lot. i follow you and i follow your work, thank you so much, for doing all of this. [cheers and applause] and inspiring me to do the work that i'm doing alongside you. we want representation, we want the right kind of representation. we are tired of the only things getting made about us, drug lords -- >> john: negative things. >> criminals, cops. >> john: right, right. maids, hookers. >> right. we want to be represented as we are: real, beautiful, curious. existential crises happening! [cheers and applause] >> john: preach, mama, preach! >> and yes, maybe even mediocre. >> john: someday. >> sometimes. >> john: cause white people get to be mediocre all the time.

i'm jealous because white people get to fail upwards. >> just peruse -- >> john: i can barely succeed upwards. >> agreed, likewise. just peruse through the canon of, like, mediocre films of dysfunctional white families. >> john: "jack and jill." >> the canon is rich, we deserve to be -- >> john: allowed to fail on camera, people! i want to fail in big movies! [cheers and applause] >> can we make crap? >> john: i want to be make crap on television, on streaming! i want to be like white people. >> i want to make woolly mammoth meatball. >> john: and get paid for it! >> and get paid for it. >> john: work really well in sushi kitchens, pizzerias, we got to cook all the food for the goddamn country. >> just like we deserve to be excellent, we deserve to make crap as well and everything in between. [cheers and applause] [laughter] >> john: thank you so much!

[laughter] we are going to take a quick break but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ everything's changing so quickly. before the xfinity 10g network, we didn't have internet that let us play all at once. every device? in every room? why are you up here? when i was your age, we couldn't stream a movie when the power went out. you're only a year older than me. you have no idea how good you've got it. huh? what a time to be alive. introducing the next generation 10g network. only from xfinity. the future starts now.

[cheers and applause]

>> john: that's our show for tonight, but before we go: please consider donating to everytown for gun safety. they're fighting to end gun violence and build safer communities by enacting common-sense gun safety reforms. if you can support them in this work, please donate at the link below. now, here it is. your "moment of zen." >> i am watching this guy here, he looks like it could take anyone in the world, big, strong guy, i don't think he has ever cried in his life before. i see him wiping away tears. rip digman: mount quiquaran. one of history's most lethal supervolcanos. in 200 bc, a series of deadly eruptions had decimated the local tribe. so the elders turned to the great artisan tiliktakorkatan, who sculpted an offering to the gods... the molten idol. -it's beautiful. -and yet... not so beautiful as you, love of my life, keeper and tender-to of my loins. i thought it'd be more impressive.