>> john: well, that's our show for tonight. but before we go, please consider supporting the fresh air fund. they provide free outdoor summer experiences for children from new york city's underserved communities. and i was one of them. they took my brother and me and my cousin and it was life-changing. if you can come i really appreciate you donate to them at the link below. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> possibly to be seen from united states. >> your nets will become one-sided. >> i think it was uranus. >> uranus is hard to see without ♪ ♪ >> when you need to battle the winds of avarice while returning a lamp to home goods. >> announcer: tonight on "tooning out the news," the conservative hot take asks the daily show's roy wood junior if he is going to keep his white house correspondents' dinner pg enough to be suitable

for matt gaetz date. and honoring a heroic class along with elon musk with brandishing plans that no one can see your product explode if you place a behind the eyeballs, but first we investigate terms recent transformation from passing the buck on january 6 to making a buck off of the backs of participants. here's tonight's big news! ♪ ♪ >> reporter: good evening, everyone, i am james smartwood, and every waking moment i wish i was at the sandals resort to jamaican swim up bar. a scene as heartwarming as a soldier coming home to his dog. trump returned to his "hannity on fox news" to talk about january six and celebrate his chart topping track called "justice for all" presented by the january 6 prisoners choir. >> i did. that january 6 taylor swift,

it's donald trump and then jay six, and on itunes, and on amazon. and on billboard, which is the big deal number one, donald trump, so now i feel like elvis. >> reporter: the comparison to elvis is apt as they gauged in profiteering, which takes us to a "tuning out" investigation, who has the january 6 long. the justice for all track was through mailman media, run by intrepid reporter always first on the scene of a ledge it's been nine crimes, ed henry, a company rep tells us all proceeds will go to nonviolence january 6 prisoners in their families. when we asked of documentation exists backing that up, they responded "i doubted at this point, but as it is through nonprofits and such, eventually all will be public information and such the issue of the way a guy covered in blood says i have been doing nonmurders and such, because ed henry's mailman media is registered as a "domestic profit company."

attorneys backing up the claim that the proceeds will indeed go to their advertiser recipient and have not heard back. here to discuss his democratic strategist who spent three months using a panera bread table as a campaign office before the campaign manager caught on. cheap borough chief who has honking somehow aimed at him jonathan keene. and respondent pretty good at enjoying a car james smartwood jr. >> hey dad. >> and correspondent contributing barred from the medical troops because they keep asking him what to do next, major garrett. thank you for being here, major. >> always a pleasure. >> is trump running on january 6th a miscalculation considering he has so many other disgrace as can run on? >> you talk about the profit motive the growth of january 6, it was a graft of 2020, the 2020 election was not stolen, but they are trump supporter's who consistently donate and are asked again to donate on behalf

of fraudulent claims that the election was stolen, so donating to groups that say that they are going to represent or do something on behalf of january 6 defendants continues that pattern. all of this is about a throne of why is the president currently wants to sit on. >> this is technically prison labor, so it makes sense they are not the ones making money off of their work. >> january 6 choir and their family should be grateful to receive the financial backstabbing he bequeaths on only his closest associates. >> i thought the prisoners choir was pitchy. that's all from income i want to thank the control room and everyone behind the scenes here. >> james: junior, the show is still going on. >> yeah, i'm late for my karate lesson, so i have to leave. paul >> james: is every thing okay if you are late? >> okay, obviously you don't know my sensei, but yeah, it's not okay. >> james: moving on, trump has embraced has embraced victimhood in the manhattan district attorney's case against emperor

hush payments to stormy daniels claiming at the witch hunt orchestrated by george soros. we are pleased to bring you the story of the victimization and resurrection of donald trump. ♪ ♪ >> the humble carpenter stiffer donald j. trump preached the gospel of scapegoating to his loyal followers who we privately thought were total slobs. he promised the gates of heaven will be open to all podiatrists willing to pause their daughters about was to let donald trump do a drop in hosting paul ryan for 45 minutes. but then the prince of pizza was betrayed by his disciple judas michael cohen for just 30 silver taxing medallions in a scratching steak that gets right there under the ankle monitor and feels amazing. and so at the behest of the soros funded romans, soft on heresy district attorney alvin bragg made trump paid the ultimate price. a small fine. and he looked to the heavens and said "father forgive them, for none of them have a very good brain."

but lo, three days later, milani and stormie wentz had the kingdom of the haters mar-a-lago tune and found ron desantis had rolled away. and then they heard a voice, and the voice was trump sennett s said, text hashtag trump to donate $50 and find a way to meet corey lewandowski. the end. >> wow. that was gorgeous. >> james: and other society news, grappling with another mass shooting, this time in nashville, identified as transgender prompted the scientist at fox news to develop a nongot excuse for a gun violence in record time. i speak but first, a trans killer. >> new details on the trans-mass murderer. >> the shooter was a trans person. >> this is something we are seeing sort of trance related violence being supported by people in elite institutions. and it is very important to deal with it.

>> james: we should note that 130 mass shootings have taken place in 2023 so far, but leave it fox news to use this mass shooting to call for comprehensive trans reform. major, we have president biden calling for an assault weapons ban, how will he sell the political news that is stopping kids from getting killed in schools? >> the president said very recently that he has done all he can do. he has written all the executive orders he can. there is no more white house authority in the space. if congress does not act, the president said we can expect as a nation more shootings, and just a note on this trans connection that fox drew. all of the data for the last few years indicates there has been a rise of violence against trans people in america. murder, assault, rape and other types of violent crimes, they are more often statistically clearly the victims of violence as opposed to being the perpetrator. >> but with more americans experiencing multiple mass shootings, me we might soon to build herd immunity.

>> james: banning assault weapons and a weakened national assault rifle association raises a question, why can't the united states government passed a law banning assault weapons. >> because of me. >> james: i'm sorry, who are you? >> it is i, the mythical troll of capitol hill, internally blocking america from passing an assault weapons ban. there's no earthly reason, certainly. >> it's confusing. >> all good, all cleared up? >> yeah, good. >> awesome, sweet. >> james: i need to lay my head on this desk for a while and figure out the thing with my parents, that's all the time we have. richard and sarah, how are you getting everyday americans pumped up to take on a sidekick tonight? >> we are honoring our heroic ruling class, with elon musk testing a microchip that could be the first piece of metal that the tesla inventor has embedded in the human brain. that's ahead. >> james: i don't brag, but i got recognized at the dump this weekend. >> go on. >> impress the troll, pretty

sweet. sweet. ♪♪

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pizza. pizza. ♪ ♪ >> marshmallow peeps coming are: is our forever home. tonight we honor our heroic ruling class starting with elon musk testing brain microchips, with giving doctors a new phrase for a psychotic break. >> let's go inside the hill. ♪ ♪ i'm rich ballard i'm a horse and i have the same benzo prescription. >> my rowing machine and i are married. >> and we are joined by "wall street journal" columnist whose husband knows not to open the folder on her desktop named "henry kissinger" ellen palmer. >> and the professor whose favorite board game has 19 pages of instructions dr. ice bloom. >> greetings. >> let's check in, when you are celebrating shooting a pigeon with an arrow in the park, because now you will be eating good for days, it's easy to forget the struggles of those

who can't decide between four different dinner reservations. rich people. >> we cover it all in our segment "offering our heroic ruling class." >> the first honor goes to elon musk. ♪ ♪ 's company neurolinks suffered a blow in 2022 when the catastrophize errs at the fda rejected his human trial. citing an esoteric rule about keeping humans alive. but now reuters reports that the neural links approach one of the biggest neurosurgery centers as a potential clinical trials partner. as it prepares to test its devices on humans once regulators allow for it. >> anyone worried that to the neural link implant could harm humans can rest easy so far it has only harmed our genetic opposites, monkeys. in one instance, a monkey was allegedly found missing some of its fingers and toes, possibly from self-mutilation or some other unspecified trauma. the good news is, if humans do

eat their fingers, elon musk will have the perfect subjects to test tesla's hands-free technology. >> i think this is going to disrupt food delivery apps by putting a restaurant in every pair of gloves. >> the people who don't want ads directly into their frontal lobe need to can it, i have a right to participate against my will. >> i just hope that elon musk deploys the same artistry to design the cyber truck when he redesigns our schools. speak our next honor goes to southwest airlines. after employees criticize the airlines outdated cruise scheduling system that collapsed over the holidays, their ceo wanted to let employees know that they were heard. and told southwest 66,000 workers that they would get 25,000 swag points to redeem in the company's employee store. the points can be traded in for travel, upgrades, southwest merchandise, gift cards, and visa debit cards.

brilliance, if there is one thing i know about disgruntled employees, it's that all they really want is a company branded water bottle. >> southwest employees got 20,000 swag points, if a sweat point is a dollar, that so much money. way bigger than the $0.1.6 it actually is. >> if you put the swag points in an interest accrual savings account, when you are ready to retire, you will look at them and say, oh, my goodness, that's the same amount of points. speak on the last honor goes to... kfc. kfc germany reheated old wounds when they sent a message to customers inviting them to celebrate crystal knox. celebrating the start of the holocaust by enjoying tenders to use with crispy chicken. kfc apologized again to news outlet saying the company has a semi automated creation process linked to calendars that include national observance has. what a release to know the statement was not caused by a person, but an algorithm

celebrating the exterminations or persons. if we decide it's unethical to make money on the backs of human suffering, we are agreeing to have no income for anyone ever. >> this whole thing is no big deal, the inside the hill store proudly advertised marking the anniversary of hurricane katrina by buying a hat. >> remembering chernobyl with a nice new coaster. >> and commemorating the challenger explosion by buying cookie socks. >> and that's "honoring our heroic ruling class" when "tooning out the news" returns, tyler templeton asks roy wood junior why he refuses to use his white house correspondents' dinner speech to lavish praise on peterson. that's ahead. >> "tooning out the news" the podcast is available thursdays

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♪ ♪ >> metaverse, you will be important here, things will be different this time. >> it's us who believe that life is pain leaving the body tyler templeton, alongside host and houdini of wriggling out of the backseat of a squad car, the cohost with her very first here are thinking about mitch mcconnell thinking alone in a hospital bed, susan shephard, and who argues between the supreme court with the honey look austin sparks. gwyneth paltrow's drive is causing a brain injury i can't watch on espn, this is "hotcakes." ♪ ♪ what's up, family therapist roast masters? top story, i am lucky to be alive. this week donald trump the exiled boy king held his first 2024 campaign rally coming on the moment he galloped onto the waco stage like a stallion digesting a filet of fish, i experience what i deduced was a

dopamine shock wave. so i would like to thank dr. harris miller and the entire waco ascension providence emergency room team for quickly diagnosing that i had not sipped water in a month and giving me orange gatorade, which is my favorite. here to welcome me back to the living as comedian and "the daily show" correspondent roy wood junior, thanks for joining us. >> how are you doing? >> doing good. obviously you were at the trump rally, what was he or take away and is it true they are making it touched by an angel's sequel based on >> i don't know who saw it at the trump rally, but it was not me. i am happy to talk about the trump rally, but i was not there at the trump rally, i would not accept that assignment. i would stay home. >> all right, what about the trump campaign in general, what you think about that? >> i think that the trump

campaign still has a lot of questions hanging over it right now, and he can fool his base, and no matter what, but part of what made trump trump initially in 2161 of the moderates. and i feel like they are still sitting back and assessing that trim and campaign to what ron desantis is evolving into, and then on top of all of that, you still have pending indictments hanging over this campaign's head, so this might all be a moot point in a couple of weeks. >> i love that trump held a rally at the waco airport. nothing says "i adore my supporters like saying" "meet me at the airport so i can get out of here as quickly as possible." >> i liked how he called the january 6 protesters heroes, they are lie the d-day soldiers, instead of trenches, they slept at the willard internet until hotel. >> so people don't and can't take has some crazy right wing bias, let's talk about the leader of the other side of the aisle, ron desantis.

if the administration is pushing to expand his don't say law to all grades, because it tries to pursue something god does not want for you down a thousand points in the republican primary, should ron desantis take this a step further and apply it to kids even after they graduate and enter the workplace, so that they become nice well-adjusted repressed psychos like me? >> i think that everything that governor desantis is doing is just indicative of what people feared the law would be a couple of years ago when it was initially introduced, and everything the republican said at the time in florida was no, no, no, it's okay. it's just for k-5, it's just the kids, and stressed the kids, it's just the preteens, it's just the preteens, all right, it's the kids come to preteens and the teenagers. and i think it sets a dangerous precedent. and if that's the way he's going to run the state, i don't even want to think about how he would run this country. >> and kids here about something in school, they immediately went to emulate it.

it's the same reason that after i took hole and high school, i wanted to be spaghetti. >> kid should not be forced to learn gross weird things like administration when they are going to learn from experience when the blood starts coming out of their or whatever. >> austin, you idiot, women don't have butts. >> we didn't until joe biden came along. >> we need trump back to get rid of our butt. >> moving on, roy, you are hosting the 2023 white house dinner, what is your strategy to start in on hunter biden and not stop until he starts crying? >> i don't think that i am there to look at both sides of the aisle, but more portly i'm just there to celebrate members of the media and the hard work they put in and trying to make sense of this country. >> look, i am sick of white house correspondents' dinner at comedians punching down of those most powerless among us, but wealthy conservative power players, so

here for your consideration are hot take jokes about liberals for once. >> i will say a joke coming to tell me if you are going to use it, ready? >> okay, i'm listening. i will check-ins into a suggestion. >> ic president biden is here, joe biden is so old that it can't be trusted to secure the southern border, which is totally out of control, it's a disgrace paired what happened in this country? what you think? >> is that -- is that all of the joke? that's the setup? >> yes, set up, punch line. >> no. no. >> okay, how about this? first lady jill biden is in attendance, i notice she prefers dr. joe biden, but i do not respect the work she did to achieve that title in large part due to her gender. i went there, what do you think? >> i don't know if these are the

jokes that i would use personally, but i think, these jokes would kill on newsmax, let me just say that for sure. >> so how about this? nancy pelosi is here with her husband paul, personally i wish he had sub come to injuries that night. [drumroll] okay, you have to use that one, what you say? >> tyler, do you do stand up? have you ever? >> no, but i have thrown a lot of stuff at stand-ups. and that is "hot take jokes about to liberals for once." i thought of a good response to the woman who told me to shush at the movies in 2006, so let's wrap it there. thank you to my guests, the daily show's roy wood junior, thank you, roy. >> thank you all. >> guest hosting "the daily show" on april 3rd, it is a fresh new "i'm not done." to stick around. >> "tooning out the news" on facebook, twitter,

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♪ ♪ >> welcome back, let's wrap it up with "i'm not done." it turns out i have been living in the wrong house. and those people who have been illegally watching tv in my living room are 100% right. hansen family, my mistake. susan. >> please pray for my pet lizard named susan who has been under the weather lately as she