ieve ♪ ♪ in rock and roll? ♪ ♪ can music save your mortal soul? ♪ ♪ and can you have to dance ♪ ♪ real slow? ♪ ♪ well, i know that you're in love with him ♪ ♪ 'cause i saw you dancin' in the gym ♪ ♪ kicked off both her shoes ♪ ♪ turned off her shoes ♪ ♪ no more rhythm and blues! ♪ ♪ no verdict was returned! ♪ ♪ rhythm and blues ♪ [breathing heavily] ♪ this'll be the day that i die ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america, it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, roy wood jr.! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

[cheers and applause] >> roy: welcome to "the daily show"! my name is roy wood jr. this is what is happening right now! this is a big moment for me. i want to thank my mama, i want to thank florida a&m university, most importantly, i need to thank manhattan district attorney alvin bragg for having the indictment during our week! big show tonight. we have the homie senator cory booker in here in case there is any political news that is coming up. but first, before cory booker, let's get into the headlines. hit it, d.j.! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] yeah! we ain't got no d.j. let's get right into it. i know everybody want to talk about trump, but first, let's talk about the opposite of trump. women's basketball!

[cheers and applause] last night, the lsu lady tigers beat iowa in a tournament that had record-breaking viewership. but it wasn't just who won the game that left people talking >> controversy following last night's game after lsu sophomore angel reese taunted iowa star caitlin clark. commentators and fans online calling reese disrespectful and unclassy. but reese pointed out that no one cared when clark had made the same gesture in a previous game. >> roy: oh! oh! did you see what that black woman did to the white woman who did the same thing to a previous woman in a previous game? must tweet! can't resist! must tweet! ahhh! first off, caitlin clark herself was okay with the shit. she was fine with it because caitlin gets that trash talk is part of the game. and i agree. personally, i think trash talk is good for sports. sports is better when there is trash talk. even better when they might

start a race war. "you can't see me, you can't see me." to be honest, man, this wasn't -- this was some good competition. caitlin clark versus angel reese, this might be the new magic johnson versus larry bird. this might be the start of a feud that bleeds into the profession and into the wnba. you think caitlin clark ain't back in iowa right now training, you think she ain't dunking off the side of a bark? hell, lsu might have messed up and created a monster. the last thing you want in your life is a white woman with a grudge. you've seen them movies! them white women get mad! [applause] hey. you get a white woman mad, they keep coming, they keep coming, did y'all see see "alien?" the alien pissed off sigourney weaver one time and she whupped the alien's ass for four straight movies. then she went and set their predator on the ass.

let's move on to the real championship game. the state of new york versus donald j. trump. [cheers and applause] oh, oh, trump was indicted last week for paying a porn star hush money. you know trump got to be mad. he paid all the hush money and nobody hushed. it's in the word. hush. shh, but no affair has been less hushed than this one. everybody know about this damn affair. there is uncontacted tribes in the amazon who know that trump bone boned stormy daniels. "i do not know who that is but i do know that stormy daniels spanked tramp with a magazine." now if you notice, i did not do a native accent, i'm not trying to get canceled on my first day. i am holding it, my bad but i did not do no accent. the point is, trump has been

indicted, and tomorrow, the circus is coming to town. >> new york city this morning preparing to become the setting of an unprecedented legal and political drama, as donald trump returns to face the criminal charges against him. mr. trump expected to face some 30 separate charges. the first ever filed against a former president. in the indictment handed last thursday, still secret and under seal until his arraignment. mr. trump's arraignment tuesday will include being processed at the courthouse with fingerprints and a dna sample expected to be taken as well. but he likely won't be handcuffed and secret service agents will protect him at every turn. >> roy: that's right. trump has got to provide a dna sample. which, if you think about it, that is kind of how we got in this mess in the first place. the upside with trump's dna coming out the nypd can verbally solve a bunch of cold cases from the '80s.

[applause] why are they arranging him like he is a normal person? he ate a normal person. trump anti-normal person. normal person don't bring the secret service to be arrested. and to be honest, i kind of feel sorry for the secret service agents. you get assigned to a former president, you are supposed to be going to baseball games, wind surfing. you get assigned to trump, you got to go to rikers! you got to take a shank for this man! you got to taste test the toilet wine, make sure it ain't poison! you got to dig the escape tunnel, then dug the dirt and the softball field. "i will never forget the day donald trump showed up with six secret service agents. he thought i was." morgan freeman, terrible. but it was not all bad for trump. important to report, he is raised $5 million since the news

dropped on thursday. $5 million! this man is bawling, $5 million. you know how many cigarettes at will get you in prison! honestly, this might be teaching this man the wrong lesson. trump will start telling people to snitch on him for other crimes crimes that he did. he will be the first man in history to pay on hush money. going to jail might be the new way to fund raise if you are a politician. hillary probably sitting around like, hell, $5 million, shit, maybe they should have locked me up. and trump supporters aren't just supporting him with donations. they sound like they ready to do what ever it takes to avenge him. >> after trump's indictment, some on social media calls for war and said it is time for a real insurrection. >> this thing opens up a whole pandora's box here, and i don't really think the left understands what they're getting themselves into. >> it almost feels like they are pushing the population to react. we think they are demoralized and passive, let's see if they

really are. i think it is time for an ar-15 and i think most people know that. because they agitating for unrest. that is the only way to interpret this. i am ready for whatever is next. and i hope every other man out there watching this show, well, i hope you are ready for whatever is next. if that is what they want, let's get to it. >> roy: look, look, i can't speak for all of them that we just saw, but let me tell you this much. when a black man wearing a leather jacket, he ain't [bleep] around. doubt them other folks if you want but do not doubt this man. look at blade's granddaddy. probably got the sword right there under the dam damn seat. but you got to give it up to these trump supporters. you got to give them credit. they talk about showing up to the courthouse, showing up to the courthouse, knowing that the nypd will be there! and the nypd will be ready, i don't know if you have seen the footage of the nypd, but they

will pass. they make the playoffs every year. you know, the nypd, they might not beat these maga protesters too bad. they might recognize them from doing january 6th together. [applause] don't clap for the police going to january 6th. [laughter] but as passionate as republicans are, you got to give them credit. this case is being quarterbacked by a black district attorney, and not once have they called him the n-word! that is amazing! excuse me one second. hey there. i am very proud of y'all. you are very angry about this but at no point have you gone all the way to publicly using the n-word. and that is growth. and i want you to know that i see you and i see your progress and that is just a little pat on

the back from your old uncle roy. [cheers and applause] now to be her, here is what is weird about the reaction from trump supporters. they are getting ready for revenge for what democrats did to donald trump. but they are also celebrating what democrats did to donald trump. because they think it will help him won the election. so help me break me down a little bit more, turn to the homey ronny chieng. ronny chieng! good to see you! [cheers and applause] good to s see you, ronny. can you believe that some people think getting arrested is actually going to help trump? >> yeah! because they are right! of course getting arrested is going to help trump! you know how bad as bad as he's going to look when he walks into the republican debates with

a face tattoo? now he has great grad. you are black. you know what that is. >> roy: ronnie, jail is not an instant path to greatness. you know jail is not an instant path to greatness. you are an asian. you are smarter than this. >> yeah, i am asian which is why i know trump is going to be like that nelson mandela of the people who put nelson mandela in jail. everyone thinks they want upstanding leaders. but what they really want, bad boys who don't give a [bleep]! bill clinton got a blow job in the oval office and that is still the most popular thing he ever did. [applause] >> roy: that's not true. that's not true. >> oh, yeah? name one other thing he did. speed when he played saxophone on arsenio hall. >> that is another form of blowing, okay? face it! roy, it is 2023. being indicted now means you are a stronger candidate. it is like being a rapper or

martha stewart. okay, in fact, i am calling it. trump is now the official front runner for president! >> roy: don't say that, don't say that. [boos] >> i just said it on "the daily show" with roy wood jr. >> roy: don't say "with roy wood jr." ." >> "the daily show" with roy wood jr. is officially says -- >> roy: no, no. >> that donald trump is now the lead candidate in the presidential race. >> roy: seriously. that is your production? trump wins? >> yeah. unless joe biden can also get indicted for something even crazier. i am talking hunter biden crazy. none of this classified documents bullshit. no one gives a [bleep] about documents! i am saying at the next cabinet meeting, biden has to beat peter ju—-dash pete buttigieg death. he could steal a nuclear bomb and use it to beat pete buddha

pete buttigieg death. >> roy: possession with intent to distribute, writing bad checks would be -- wait a minute, man. don't make me suggest crimes for the president, man! you are saying in order to win, biden has to fight fire with fire? >> exactly! that is a great pitch. he should should set the white house on fire. with pete buttigieg inside. so biden has to one up trump. if trump goes to prison, biden has to go to solitary and get the death penalty and then, just to be safe, go to hell. so basically, whoever goes to hell first, will win the election because that is democracy, baby. [cheers and applause] >> roy: they have to go to hell? you make hell sound like a swing state. >> exactly. hell is like ohio except not as bad. >> roy: that's enough. ronny chieng, everybody. give it up for ronny chieng. [cheers and applause] all right.

when we come back, we will find out how to teach black history to white people. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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"the daily show." now donald trump ain't the only bullshit coming out of florida. governor ron desantis is making news for his approach to teaching black history, or should i say, less of it. so i made a quick trip down to florida to find out more. [cheers and applause] last april, ron desantis signed the stop woke act which prohibits education and makes people feel english on the account of race, color, sex, or national origin. in other words, it is basically illegal now in florida to make white people feel bad about slavery. keith flaugh is an education for ron desantis and a supporter of the stop woke back. >> we have teachers coming out of his liberal colleges, they believe our country is evil. they are teaching young children that it's about the color of your skin, not your character. >> roy: okay, but how do we talk about race in this country in a way that keeps people from being so damn sensitive? >> i don't know that i have an answer to that. >> roy: because that's the

issue. trying to talk about the race part of it, just a little bit on people go, "that is making me feel bad!" tough in your ass up. >> you think you challenge that by teaching young kids in kindergarten that because they are white, they have benefited from right to privacy? >> roy: i wasn't yelling at you by the way. >> i get it. i get it. >> roy: so you believe that there is institutional racism in this country? >> i don't know that i -- i don't know that -- you just said "i believe" and i don't know -- i don't know that my opinion matters in that situation. i think you have to look at the facts. and -- and i don't know that i am prepared to state an opinion on that. >> roy: so maybe the real question should be, whose feelings are we really worried about hurting? we talk about all of the racism, racism systemic inequality, then we have another class that is

just called "the good white folks." you probably have seen a question mark if you black man got kicked out and then brad pitt help them get free. you learn about brad pitt. you learn about some of doctor king's white friends. would that help -- given what you are saying -- >> i don't think that helps at all because what you are doing is you are teaching -- >> roy: you don't know about brad pitt. i just educated you. the idea of teaching a class on great white people in history is just too good to resist. hi. i'm roy wood jr. and welcome to the only history class dedicated to the many great contributions of white folks. and therefore, the only class sanctioned by the state of florida because it makes white people feel good. welcome to... the "great whites." let's start with the greatest white of all. george washington. born in 1732, george washington led the american revolution

against the british empire, secured the country's freedom, and then served as a nation's first president. washington then retired to his beautiful plantation in virginia with his wife and... over 300 slaves as part part of an economic system built on the subjugation of bl black people. george washington also helps create the tradition of presidential. good work, george washington. one of the other great boys in history that we often don't talked about is a brilliant white man named thomas edison. out of his lab in new jersey come at us credited with over 1,000 patents in his lifetime. among those patents he is credited for is the motion picture. that is where we would not have movies, tv shows, or footage of black people getting paid up by the police. what is your favorite movie? mine is "shrek." another one is jack ryan. jack was a successful investment banker who ran for senate in illinois in 2004. during his campaign, it came out that ryan had asked his wife to

perform sexual acts on him in public. disgraced jack was forced to step down from the race, leading to an easy victory for his opponent... barack obama, who would go on to become president. and now his wife is dead and millions of people have health care all because of the great jack ryan! thank you to this unconscionable horniness. and finally, the world of sports. which is littered with great whites, including the greatest coach who ever lived. phil jackson. with the chicago bulls in the '90s, jackson employed a groundbreaking offensive scheme called pass the ball to the ball hitting black dude. jackson would later find championship success with other ball hitting black dudes, like shaq and kobe. this logistics championships. jordan led the league in scoring ten times manly thanks to great whites who passed him the ball. they could have easily led the

league in scoring themselves but out of sheer selflessness, those great whites let michael do it instead. nearest to you, but i'm afraid that is all the time we have for today. join me next week when we talk about the brilliant wright brothers and how their innovations in air travel led to the black wall street and "top gun" will be. not as much as i love "shrek." they are both fire. [cheers and applause] >> roy: stay tuned. because when we come back, senator cory booker will be joining me on the show! don't go away! [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> roy: welcome back. welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight represents the great state of new jersey in the united states senate. please welcome senator cory booker! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ yes! yes! new jersey! >> yes! >> roy: new jersey in the building. >> i think you look so good behind that desk. >> roy: well, thank you, brother! [cheers and applause] i appreciate that. >> i am not in new jersey but can i just say, the end of the "the daily show" speed dating, let's just settle and go permanent right now. >> roy: thank you. [cheers and applause] hang on now, we got to see what else "the daily show" brings to the table. can't commit right away. let's talk a little bit about the elephant in the room that

just landed in new york city. now in washington, what is your feeling right now with everything with the trump indictment? how much do you think this indictment is going to paralyze bipartisanship on actually getting laws passed in the next year? because trump has a way of sucking the wind out of conversation. >> in the senate, i don't think it will have much effect at all. you've heard mitch mcconnell stay eerily silent. i think this is a moment in american history that is pretty significant. i believe deeply in democratic principles, i believe in the idea of the rule of law, but we have had a nation that hasn't lived up to those principles all the time, as bryan stevenson says, he says, we have a criminal justice system that treats you better if you are rich and guilty than if you are poor and innocent. [applause] for me, this is one of those tough moments, donald trump has flaunted the rule of law but i do think this is one of those moments where there is a 34 count indictment

that we have to wait and see what is in it, i think there is a lot of rushing to assume partisan positions in this. as a guy who believes in democracy, believes in the rule of law, believes in due process, let's see what happens. >> roy: to the point of everyone rushing to choose a side, if that's what republicans are saying publicly -- "this is were ridiculous, you can't charge him" -- >> they haven't even seen the 34 count indictment. >> roy: what are they saying behind closed doors? is there a cafeteria in the senate? what are they saying in the cafeteria? "have you seen that bullshit?" >> you forget this, but trump has been on trial twice in the senate and he has had republicans and democrats, both parties, people in both parties voted to convict him -- we didn't have enough to meet the threshold for conviction. but there are a lot of folks on both sides of the aisle that think that this is a guy who has caused so much damage to our political system, he's really shaken the foundations of our

democracy, ideas about our democracy that we have taken granted over the years, he has really threatened. who would have thought that you would be sitting there at your workplace and you would be overrun by people storming the capitol, waving the confederate flag, having t-shirts celebrating the holocaust -- >> roy: viking hats. >> not to mention viking hats and more. so this is a guy who has truly strained the very democracy of our nation, and we hope to hold him accountable for that. he is under investigation in multiple jurisdictions. this is a long thing to play out. i'm just one of those folks that came to washington to focus on criminal justice reform because we have this nation where we still have people -- look, one out of every three incarcerated women on the planet earth about are in the united states of america. we incarcerate people at levels here that are outrageous. so he, to me, is not my central

focus. i'm not going to let him tear me away from the important work we need to do in washington. [cheers and applause] >> roy: okay. i wish you luck on trying to get a bill passed this year while the asshole takes up all the media cycle. >> i am grateful more than you know. it is good to see you. >> roy: senator cory booker, everybody. [cheers and applause] we are going to take a quick break. but we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause]

[cheers and applause] >> roy: that's our show for tonight. but before we go, please

consider donating to the nonprofit i see me, an organization dismantling the school to prison pipeline by increasing literacy rates in children of color. if you can, please donate at the link below. here it is. your "moment of zen." >> jurisdiction to go after the campaign election charge, so it is virtually impossible for him to prove that felony. >> so this is such a tough case for him to make, why is he bringing it? >> i think there is no question about it, that he wants to humiliate president fraud -- president trump. my parents live in florida now. they moved there last year. they didn't want to move to florida, but they're in their 60s, and that's the law. you know how it works. they got the leisure police. they pull up in front of the old people's house with the golf cart, jump out, "let's go, pop! "white belt, white pants, white shoes! "get in the back! drop the snow shovel! right there! drop it!" i am not much for the family gathering. you ever sit there,

and the conversation's so boring, it's so dull?