na na na na ♪ ♪ da na na na na ♪ [whistling] i thought i'd come in casual today. man, i'm hungry. anyone else feel like a beet? where did you get those? what, these? bernard farms. best beets in the state. i see what you are doing. but i do not know where you are going with this. well, you will. as soon as you visit my new beet farm. captioning by dave l at captionmax www.captionmax.com ow. you're supposed to cook these, aren't you? [scoffs] cornell. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america, it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, roy wood jr.! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

>> roy: welcome to "the daily show!" i am roy wood jr.! yes! yes, yes, yes! yes! we welcome you to "the daily show"! we welcome you to this wonderful, wonderful program. and it is my pleasure to welcome you to the indictment circus! [cheers and applause] [vocalizes circus music] anyway, it's a somber day for democracy. this shit is going to be exhausting. let's just get into the headlines. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] yeah. all right, so we are here in new york city and today was one for the history books.

because when today began, we were preparing for the craziest day in new york since since the stay puft marshmallow man came to town and busted a nut on the whole city. that wasn't marshmallows. but today was even crazier. because today was trump arraignment day. >> this is breaking news. >> a remarkable chapter in american history. for the first time, a former president faced a judge in a criminal courtroom on charges he broke the law and it happened right here in new york city. >> former president trump pleads not guilty to 34 counts of falsifying business records related to hush money payments. >> the photograph is stark and historic as we look at it. donald trump. >> that is a man who looks like a defendant. the former president, i have seen that face not many times. he looks somber. >> roy: look at you! look at yo ass now!

they got yo ass! [cheers and applause] you spent all that money talking shit about the judge, talking shit about the d.a. "i'm going to march into the courtroom --" shut your ass up! look at how sad trump looks. looks like somebody told him his dog died or that mike pence is still alive. and you can talk all the shit you want but i'm telling you, baby, the moment you in that courtroom, that shit get real! trump sit in there like, wow. you are really going to do this to me. and he alone. eight none of your boys around no more, you gave them all pardons. everybody no, you don't pardon all of your partners. you got to leave one in jail so you have somebody to talk to. this is how i know trump did something. i don't know what he guilty of but he did something. look at the outfit.

first day of court, he and his or that don't even fit. why would you do that? when gwyneth paltrow showed you the cheat code, boy! you got to dress like you don't give a [bleep]! you got to dress for court like you on your way to somewhere else! look at gwyneth paltrow. "you can't convict me, these glasses are cartier." is that how you say? i can't afford nice glasses. so as you can imagine, it was a crazy day in new york. the city was ready for anything. barricades were laid out. every police officer was on duty. even mayor eric adams said he might not go to the club tonight. just in case y'all need him! because you know, he'd be in the club, got to keep the phone on vibrate. called him twice so he know it an emergency. and the cops, i give the nypd this. they were right to set up all the barricades. trump supporters swarm downtown manhattan and filled the streets with red, white, and blue.

it is like a puerto rican day parade for people who want to deport puerto ricans. and to police's credit, to their credit, they handled it perfectly. they kept everybody on both sides far enough apart so nobody got hurt. but close enough so they could still roast the shit out of each other. >> yo, yo mama, [bleep], yo mama! [cheers and applause] >> roy: ah, yes. ah, yes. the classic. no way to win an argument faster than "yo mama." you lose, no matter what you said. "donald trump is a political prisoner unfairly targeted by the political system." "yo mama, bitch!" [cheers and applause]

i hate you, you bleed out. it was a crazy scene downtown, it was wild. one of the people making it crazy was marjorie taylor gr greene. [boos] oh! marjorie taylor greene. she swung down to the courthouse, double-parked her broomstick, and took part in the festivities. today, she offered a defense of the president that i have never heard before. >> president trump is joining some of the most incredible people in history being arrested today. nelson mandela was arrested, served time in prison. jesus! jesus was arrested. >> roy: jesus! jesus! that's what i'm thinking too: jesus, what is wrong with this lady? how you going to compare donald trump to jesus? first of all, jesus walked on water. donald trump can barely walk on land. now the crazy thing about all of this today

is that donald trump didn't even have to come to new york. he could have done the whole arraignment at the crib. cause apparently they gave him the option to be arraigned over zoom! you know, like nelson mandela and jesus. but i get. i completely get why trump didn't do over zoom. one, he would've gotten on camera and they would have found more classified documents on camera. two, trump wants publicity. look at how we came out of trump tower this morning, giving the black power fast like a real political prisoner. he loves the shit like this! hell, trump might show her up to court every day dancing on top of a car like michael jackson. [singing like michael jackson] and the media, man, what did they do? they played right along with it,

giving us wall-to-wall coverage, even when there was absolutely nothing to talk about! >> i will turn to you and show you, he will come out the side door of trump tower today, so there is a sense of anticipation of his movement. >> you can see some of the traffic on the northbound there, and i am not sure -- i can't remember at the top of my head, i think that was one way. >> the south. >> the south. that is not fifth avenue. >> i checked waze before we came in and that is the fastest route. >> did you i should see the former president walk out or is that just me? think of that is donald trump right there. >> i am sorry, that is donald trump. >> any moment now come either from a prison walk through these doors. >> there are many doors into the courtroom, and it is not just this one door, there are side doors and there is a backdoor. >> the photographer laser focused on that front door. >> and many hallways that lead to each door. >> if he does go through those doors, he will come by the

camera. >> the judge comes at a different door, the jury comes in another door, and the defendant who is incarcerated comes in a different door, the public comes in a main door, so there are many doors. >> roy: okay, so let me get this straight. you are telling me the courthouse has multiple doors. and different people come through different doors and those doors connect to other doors and those are all the doors. damn, i'm learning so much about the legal system. thank you, cable news. [cheers and applause] now buildings got doors and shit, you learn stuff. now here is what bothered me about today. i will say this. donald trump deserves a fair trial. but i also want trump to get the full american criminal justice experience, which is not what happened today. the man got to schedule his visit to the courthouse like eva cable man. trump comes accord, listen, i will be at the jail at tuesday

between 10:00 and 2:00. then, once trump got there, there were no handcuffs, there were no mug shots, there were no perp walks. for trump, it would be a perp waddle but you understand. that doesn't make the point. my point is, i am disappointed, because today shows you how humane our courts could be. so many people get dragged into this legal system and it is humiliating. you get handcuffed, you get gawked at, you wait a day, months for an arraignment. then you come you go into a building, through one of those many [bleep] doors, you get to a room, they strip you naked, they spread your ass cheeks and make you cough twice. i never understood the second class. the first half, i get. one cough is enough to whether or not i have drugs in my booty, the second second copy is for you, that is wrong. am i sharing too much with y'all right now? i thought i could open up to y'all, apparently not. my point is, for the sake of this country, i hope that donald trump gets a

swift trial. but that doesn't mean he should get the tsa pre-check lane. but here's the good news: the new york investigation is just one of many into the former president. so we will have plenty of other opportunities to get him arrested correctly. [cheers and applause] so georgia, if you're listening, when you finally get donald trump in your courtroom, wash back make sure he coughs twice. [cheers and applause] thank you for clapping for that, you know, that was good. i don't know if it was good enough to go viral. i am trying to go viral this week, you know? it is a lot of pressure as guest host, you got to be funny, you got to be satirical, you got to be powerful, you got to go viral. i don't know what to do. i wish i had somebody that i could talk to, to guide me through some of this stuff, man. >> roy...roy...

use the force, roy. >> roy: who that? >> use the force. >> roy: [bleep] ghost? >> roy, use the force. use the force, roy. roy! [cheers and applause] [cheers and applause]

>> roy: i know you! i know you! i know you! i know you. i knew i knew your ass. [cheers and applause] you are obi-wan kenobi! >> i am jon. stewart. i used to work here when the budget wasn't as big. a few years back. actually, i hosted a program, to be honest with you. >> roy: "the daily show" had a white host? why are you dressed like obi-wan kenobi? >> i like to be comfortable. roy, the point is this. donald trump doesn't -- >> roy: if you are obi-wan kenobi, what does that make me? if you are obi-wan kenobi, that would make be luke skywalker. >> why the [bleep] wouldn't you want to be luke skywalker? >> roy: luke skywalker kissed his sister. i want to be han solo, he was

cool. you can be chewbacca. >> why would i want to be a wolf ape? that doesn't make -- look, i think it would make more sense if i was the wise sage who mentors the young host and not the wolf ate. also, i cannot return this robe. what happened was, the events that took place in this -- >> roy: but if you are obi-wan and i am luke, does that mean my dad is vader? if my dad is darth vader, does that mean donald trump is my dad? i am trying -- >> i know that, roy, why would donald trump your father? >> roy: because, if i am luke, and trump is vader, that means trump killed you! >> what? you are han solo, i'm baby yoda. >> roy: why not regular yoda? >> what the [bleep] are you talking about? i should have come when a

silverman was here. what is happening? [cheers and applause] >> roy: i got this, i got this. i want to go along with you. how about you be yoda, because you are hobbled and green and shit. and i will be lando. for obvious reasons. i will be lando, you know. >> is this a trap? yeah, because you both have -- >> roy: >> roy: mustaches, yeah. >> my point is this, roy, thank you for having me on the program. [cheers and applause] the thing about -- you are doing a fabulous job, by the way. >> roy: thank you, brother. >> the thing about this historic indictment is that american jurisprudence -- >> roy: we are out of time. thank you so much for this. jon stewart, everybody! thank you, obi-wan, thank you! [cheers and applause] all right. when we come back, we see what

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characters down there at the trump rally today. now if you look at this footage of marjorie taylor greene, look at all these idiots with nothing better to do all day. weight. zoom in on my man in the background right there. oh, my god! there is jordan klepper. [cheers and applause] what is that idiot doing down there? that is a moron. he is going to get his ass whipped. >> i am right here, roy. [cheers and applause] >> roy: jordan klepper, everybody! [cheers and applause] i didn't mean none of that. i didn't mean none of that. i am happy you are down there today, jordan klepper, as the old saying goes, better you than me. what was it like down there? >> it was pretty chill. respectful crowd who quietly show their support for american jurisprudence. >> roy: i have seen the footage and i know that you are [bleep] with me. >> i'm [bleep] with you, roy. it was a shit show. and i got a front row seat to

take a big old with. take a look. i went downtown to watch trump historic arrest and the surrounding media circus. but i was curious how a hometown boy donald trump would be greeted by regular new yorkers. >> [bleep] trump, man. >> what was there to see? >> trump is done! yes, he does! >> donald trump, that [bleep]! [cheers and applause] >> also appearing where some of the most respected and articulate members of the republican party. >> [instinct] >> yes, rising stars of the g.o.p. came out in force. >> if anybody can get donald trump off today, it is america's lead defense attorney, george santos, who is a harvard law grad. are you finally bringing legitimacy? are you finally bringing

legitimacy to this? >> tell me about the volleyball tournament. >> talk to me about this. >> i sure did. >> as first president of the united states, do you feel -- >> jordan, jordan -- >> talk to me -- >> i've never had a conversation like that. i feel good about our nations future. [cheers and applause] >> roy: jordan klepper, everybody. if nobody else has said this, jordan, i want to thank you for all you have done because i know it takes a lot out of you. >> thank you, roy, i'm looking forward to a good night's rest. >> roy: no, you got to go down there, we need more shit for tomorrow. >> okay. you are the boss. for this week. >> roy: jordan klepper,

everybody! [cheers and applause] all right. stay tuned, because when we come back, robin thede will be joining me on the show. [cheers and applause]

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so i'm gonna maintain eye contact while i sing it. -[guitar playing] -oh boy. ["happy together" plays] ♪ imagine me and you ♪ her name is sadie. i think she might be the one. any word? she ghosted him. she does travel a lot for work. ♪ my god you're a spy! oh my god. oh my god! [machine gun fires] were you really gonna call me? yes, until you texted me eleven times in two days. emoji stuff doesn't count. emoji stuff counts. ghosted. rated pg-13. streaming soon on apple tv+. [cheers and applause] >> roy: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is the creator and star of the emmy-winning hbo series "a black lady sketch show." >> you are going to play this rematch because i got these hair plugs in, my luck has went faster than a pig on a spit. i should know because at my job,

i put the pig on the spit and i cracked that thing. >> wait a minute, wait a minute. come here. just -- oh, my god. those look suspiciously like my locks of love donation! >> so they gave the extras to weave in need and i was the neediest! >> roy: please welcome robin thede! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> thank you! >> roy: robin thede! >> oh, my god! listen. i wore my trump orange. we are reclaiming this color! we are ready! yeah, no. what a day to be in new york. what day to to be in new york! [cheers and applause] prom, just everything wrappedus- into one. i drove by trump tower. they were screaming "lock him up." [cheers and applause]

i just -- i am here for the trial, you know? i'm excited to have you covering it, i'm excited to have you at this desk. >> roy: thank you, robin. so your program, "black lady sketch show" entering its fourth season. [cheers and applause] >> crazy. it is so good, you guys. >> roy: not just in front of the camera, but all of the black women that you employ behind the camera, you are big on diversity. you are big on showing black women and giving them, putting them on a pedestal. in this era of so many other channels going, "we don't know what diversity is, where is the talented black woman," where do you find them? did you hire all of them? >> no, no! i did not. i did not. >> roy: that's the diversity problem. you hired all of them. [laughter] >> no, there are so many talented black women out here, women of color.

there are so many! [cheers and applause] there are so many! look, people didn't know who i was until larry wilmar put me on "the nightly show." people didn't know who a lot of these people are. so many great people have come to our show. everybody from angela bassett! [cheers and applause] who said to me, i did this show because no one asked me to do comedy. and i'm like, if you can play tina turner, you can do a sketch. like, you know, and so for me, it is the talent from that level to little youtube or tiktokers, there is room for all of us there. i find talent by opening my eyes. like, and that is what people need to do. they are everywhere. we are everywhere doing this, in stand up, in improv, in sketch, on youtube, on tiktok, on all of these platforms. i think you just got to be willing to see the truth and let black women authentically tell it. [cheers and applause] don't write it for us! don't cast us and then write for us! let us write for us! and then it will feel legit, you know what i mean?

you can tell when a black person is like, "oh, my god, did you get the new taylor swift?" i'm like, who wrote this? i'm not saying that taylor swift doesn't have black fans but the key to our show is that it feels authentic. >> roy: absolutely. >> i think that is what is dope. >> roy: you are essentially, you are the lorne michaels of this show, you are the michael che, colin jost, you build this entire thing, so you have this array of characters. give me one character that you think -- which one resonates the most? >> i don't know if it resonates but the one who causes the most controversy and two people always quote to me is dr. hadassah olayinka ali youngman. [cheers and applause] >> roy: i am sorry, who is this character? >> this is her, dr. hadassah olayinka ali youngman, pre-phd, so she believes that women should not be working, although she has a talk show -- she believes that women should where she was, although she

does. so she is just kind of a hypocrite who kind of spews these conspiracy theories and says things like, "see, see, see, if you break down the word "bacon," it means "bae con," they are trying to get it to cozy up to the conspiracy." it is just like, what does this mean? what does this mean? so yeah, she is a lot of fun. people tend to scream "see, see, see," down the street at me, which is great. >> roy: i can relate to the character because i follow a lot of people like that on facebook. "black lady sketch show" returns for its fourth season april 14th on hbo and hbo max! we are going to take a quick break but we will be right back after this! robin thede, everybody! [cheers and applause]

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that and the paycheck. [cheers and applause] >> roy: that's our show for tonight, but before we go: please consider supporting the florida rights restoration coalition. they're dedicated to ending discrimination against people with convictions, and creating a more comprehensive and humane reentry system. if you can, please donate at the link below. now here it is. your "moment of zen." >> it remains to be seen. could be. >> [reporters talking] iguana jerky? -no, thanks. -you sure? it's a rare -and cantankerous delicacy. -i'm good. well, i got plenty of different varieties in my billfold, if that's what floats your apple. let's see. ostrich, cicada, i got dolphin, albino dolphin, porpoise, albino porpoise, tarantula, bunnicula,