oh, no! oh, the humanity! - well, it was a nice project while it lasted, boys. - yep, but i guess this proves that war is the natural order of life. - why can't societies just live in peace? captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america, it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, roy wood jr.! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

>> roy: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm roy wood jr. yes, indeed. [cheers and applause] thank you. this is my third night hosting "the daily show." [audience chanting "roy"] settle down, rioters. this is my third night hosting the show and it has been a blast. if you tuned in last night, you might have seen my homeboy jon stewart stop by. tonight, who knows? beyonce? [cheers and applause] you got to speak it into it existence, manifest and all that other shit. we've got a great show for you tonight. i will tell you who is

definitely here is the homey cedric the entertainer. so let's get into the headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] all right. let's kick things off in wisconsin. now i like wisconsin. wisconsin and the building? i like wisconsin. wisconsin the only place i've been to that sells cheese as a souvenir. i like that "he wants them some cheese before your flight? cheese curds?" cheese curds?" cheese curds cover no wrapping them, butt naked in my hands. last night wisconsin had a critical election for the state supreme court, which has national implications for 2024. they had a far right conservative versus a very left-wing liberal. and i don't want to presume anything about the political beliefs of the audience in the room right now. i know "daily show" fans hold a wide variety of -- oh, who am i kidding? you can go ahead and start

clapping. show them the clip. >> now to a major political flip in wisconsin. democratic-backed judge janet protasiewicz has won the state's widely watched supreme court race. the court will now be controlled by liberals for the first time in 15 years. >> protasiewicz's conservative opponent dan kelly had harsh words after the election was called and criticized her, calling her a serial liar. >> i wish that in a circumstance like this, i would be able to concede to a worthy opponent. but i do not have a worthy opponent to which i can concede. this was the most deeply deceitful, dishonorable, despicable campaign i have ever seen run for the courts. and i wish wisconsin the best of luck because i think it's going to need it. [audience reacts] >> roy: you seem very sad about losing. would you like some cheese? [cheers and applause] now hold up, i know people think

that it is classless to concede like this, but i will be straight up with y'all. good for my man. he just got his ass beat in front of the country and you want him to be gracious? "congratulations to my opponent who is clearly a winner, unlike me, a little bitch loser." i say, as long as you accept the putts outcome, you get to talk shit. you let me spend millions running for judge and then i lose? i am on that podium like samuel l. jackson. "yes, they deserved to die and i hope they burn in hell!" [applause] now, let's move onto the big story. the rest of donald j. trump. [cheers and applause] oh, you all heard about it. you heard about it? i thought it was just a lit little -- yesterday was a momentous day for donald j. trump.

he was indicted on 34 counts of falsifying business records, and also one count of clogging the courthouse toilet. so old trump went to the courthouse, looked around stupid for a couple minutes, flat on his private jet to florida because as you all know, florida does not have an extradition treaty with the united states. he rolled up to mar-a-lago and then he waved to her supporters and offered to put his thumb up there butt. what is this? seriously? who adds motion to a thumbs up? it is simple. lock the elbow. trump got to be the first person to add the jerk-off motion to a thumbs up. "thanks so much for coming out, i really appreciate it." [cheers and applause] so then, after all of that, it was time for trump to give the big speech. sidebar, why are people still

going to trump's speeches? like, i get it. that is your dude. but you know what he going to say. donald trump is a comedian that ain't changed as act in years! you know what he going to do. "liberal media be doing this! and joe biden -- joe biden, they be doing this! y'all no, d.j., kick it!" [cheers and applause] the only thing that changes year to year with trump is who his enemy is. and for this fight, he's got two new ones. >> in a defiant speech at mar-a-lago, the former president claimed he's a victim and targeted the prosecutor and judge in the case. >> they can't beat us at the ballot box, so they try and beat us through the law. the criminal is the district attorney. i have a trump-hating judge with a trump-hating wife and family.

>> roy: who you know going to trial and talk shit about the judge? that's bold! the judge could destroy you! he could destroy you and you riling him up! you about your fight cocaine bear. you don't offer him crack first! he didn't just call out the judge. trump called out the kids! you don't pull the kids into it. even rappers don't go after the kids and they murder each other. and trump said the man has a "trump-hating wife." to be fair, i don't even know if that was an insult because donald trump also has a trump-hating wife. [cheers and applause] [applause] you can't tell me melania don't hate that man. if anything come of this week was confirmation. let me ask you this.

during donald trump's 45 minutes as a political prisoner, where was his wife? >> many people noticed the former first lady, the former president's wife, melania trump, was not in attendance last night. >> his wife, former first lady melania trump, she was not there. >> among the guests were ardent trump supporters, including congresswoman marjorie taylor green. and the mypillow founder mike lindell. one person noticeably absent last night was former first lady melania trump. >> roy: even the pillow salesman showed up for the speech. but his own wife didn't show up! and the speech was at the house! melania didn't even come downstairs. she opened up the bedroom door. "oh, you are back from prison already?" now look, we making jokes, we

are making jokes, but there is nothing funny about a former first lady not showing up to her husband's speech when he is complaining about getting arrested for lying about paying off a porn star. frankly, i am concerned about melania's whereabouts. so we launched a search for her. that search is being headed by our very own dulce sloan. [cheers and applause] dulce! [cheers and applause] dulce? now dulce, you are in florida. you are in florida, dulce. >> hi, people! >> roy: yes, we are very poor, dulce. you down there on the coast. are there any signs of melania down there? >> not yet! you know, i've been looking for her at the beach all day. after this, i'm gonna look for her at brunch, then i might look for her at the front row of the magic mike show. i am vigilant.

i am a vigilante out here. >> roy: i think you might be taking advantage of the expense account, but we'll get into that later. first, let's just talk about this whole thing. don't you think melania should leave donald trump? i mean, the man was paying hush money to porn stars! >> roy, roy, roy, you don't understand, son! the hush money was for melania. she is the reason he didn't want people to know about stormy daniels. shit, if he wasn't married, his campaign slogan woulda been "i [bleep] porn stars." [air horn sounds] >> roy: okay. [applause] >> but for melania, he paid a porn star $130,000. oh! to know a love like that.

it is kind of romantic for a man to just do that for you? >> roy: okay, i got you. so you think melania should stay with donald? >> [bleep] no1 >> [bleep] no! he cheated on her with a porn star! i would've dumped his ass for a lot less. i broke up with a guy last week for leaving me a voice mail. what year is it? just leave a comment on my tiktok like an adult, grandpa! >> roy: okay, so you think melania should've dumped trump back in 2016? >> hell no. roy, are you listening? why would she dump him when he just got elected el presidente? you cheated on me, you think i'm going to let the porn starter be first lady? hell no! i'm getting a portrait, a real one, with paint and shit, okay? [applause]

>> roy: okay, okay. >> i am talking about a canvas, easel, and we are going to sit there for seven hours and look happy, damn it. >> roy: just tell me, what the hell should melania do? >> she should do exactly what she's been doing. take advantage of trump when he's president, and when he's not, let his ass twist in the wind while you at home watching "martin" reruns and banging his pool boys. [cheers and applause] i mean, she's doing it at mar-a-lago right now. >> roy: wait, so you know where she is. why are you running up an expense account on my week? >> what? >> roy: this is my way coasting! and you are running of the bill with all of this travel! come on! >> wow! this is how you treat a black woman? in april? >> roy: no -- >> women's history month? [cheers and applause] >> roy: no, no, no --

>> wow, wow -- i should be out here with a bag and morris chestnut and you out here trying to act like i'm not doing my job. you know what! i'm going to get on my jet ski. i don't got to deal with you. where is my jet ski? >> roy: dulce sloan, everybody. all right, when we come back, jordan klepper looks back at yesterday's madness at the courthouse. you don't want to miss it. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> roy: welcome back to "the daily show." yesterday, jordan klepper was done at the courthouse for donald trump's arraignment. we gave you a little taste of it yesterday, santos and marjorie taylor greene. today, we hear what the trump faithful have to say. ♪ ♪ >> tuesday's arraignment of former president donald trump in new york was a first for the nation, and brought out the passionate, though sensibly dressed, and the kind of man who

really does appoint their mothers. while i had fun getting into the scrum, i was surprised to find there were people who wanted to have meaningful conversations about the justice system. >> i don't believe what we are seeing is justice. >> you don't believe in the grand jury process? >> i don't believe that this was a civilian -- >> he is a civilian. he is a person with an address. so he shouldn't go through the grand jury process? >> i believe it should be dismissed. >> because? >> because i -- i have gone by general gut feeling. >> the way i see it, you know, the government is stepping over their balance and doing what they want here and gunning down. this happens all the time. >> yeah, you pay off a porn star and falsify business records? >> that's his own money for one thing. >> for all the monies wow cases against donald trump, this is

the weakest. >> probably the weakest. >> there is no evidence for the prosecution. >> we don't know until there is a grand jury who can see the evidence. >> listen, i think everyone should get a fair trial. >> so you support a grand jury looking at all of the evidence, and if they decide to indict donald trump, then we will let that happen. >> sure, certainly. if there was evidence, i agree, every piece of evidence should be heard. >> that is what happened here. >> yeah. feels almost like the american version of a royal event. if a king [bleep] a porn star, lied about it. like an american coronation. >> and then the donald arrived. the former leader of the free world was now possibly in the same room as a group of recently busted subways. >> these calls were about that, he said all of that, and 2016, he had all the media, fox news,

now they don't cover him anymore. now they have to. >> there was nothing he could do. >> he is up on the sports guys -- >> you're talking about the man who is being fingerprinted inside the building right now. >> they have his dna. >> they can find his dna in a lot of different places. >> do you think you can run his campaign from prison? >> he can do a lot of things. >> even with 34 felonies, it is trump, he is untouchable. >> he is untouchable. except for the people that is literally touching his bigger prints right now. have you done it in the trump campaign? >> haven't thought about it up until now but i guess i would consider it. >> trump has hundreds over $5 million for this so in some ways, somewhat like he's getting paid to have had sex. is he worker? >> if you put it that way. >> i think, i love her sense of humor but in many ways, this is not funny. they're going after trump today, they will go after me tomorrow, and then they will go after you. >> did you pay off a porn star

and then light on your business records? >> coming for us, we've been involved in hush money payments, lying on the business records, and then using that money for a campaign as well? it could happen to anybody. >> perhaps we don't need justice to be flawed, just there. >> roy: thank you, jordan. stay tuned. because memory come back, cedric the entertainer will be joining me on the show. don't go away! [cheers and applause] lay's are made from real potatoes from over 100 farms across america.

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>> roy: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is one of the original kings of comedy. he's also the star and executive producer of the hit cbs series "the neighborhood," which will soon celebrate its 100th episode. >> i got her the most amazing gift! a genuine chanel jacket straight off the runways of paris. >> look like it came straight from the apartments. >> you gonna love it, baby. >> ah, yes. oh, no. >> hey, man, that's too small. >> i can see that, dave. >> so i don't have to point out that it is spelled "channel." >> no. >> roy: please welcome cedric the entertainer! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

og! og! before we talk about anything, og, let me just ask a serious question, what is your annual budget on hats? [laughter] every time i see you, the hat, i never see the hat repeat itself. it is just hats, a bunch of hats. does your wife have any room for her shoes? >> that is the constant battle. [laughter] my hats against her shoes, and i have lost. i am losing that battle for sure. >> roy: so "the neighborhood." >> yeah, man. >> roy: congratulations on 100 episodes. [cheers and applause] and you are directing the 100th episode of this television program. and "the neighborhood," i have always been a fan of it, because

it is a show that positions itself within the issue of gentrification, not addressing the bigger issue, but what it means to be a black person in a black neighborhood and have a white person come in and you figuring out how to keep your culture while also learning about someone else's. in the writers' room, how are you able to toe that line on an issue and make it so palpable for everybody? >> it was always the theme of the show. it was interesting because when the show first came to me, it was "here comes the neighborhood." i was like, oh, wait a minute, that is a whole other attitude right there. i am already there. the neighborhood already exists. so it was one of those things where we wanted to be able to tell the story of how you feel when things come, you do want growth in your neighborhood, you do want a starbucks and a whole foods, but you don't want to do that without losing the culture, you know what i'm saying? and that is how we tell the story, we have great actors. max greenfield plays dave, legendary funnyman killing it. tichina arnold, beth behrs. [cheers and applause] killing it, man. >> roy: talk about directing. what was that like?

the episode premieres next week. what was it like to sit behind the camera? "you do this, go get me a water." >> that was it. that was it. [laughter] that was what i do. like, yo, the director, you get to paint the picture, that is what i say. you are the one that is literally putting all the colors on the canvas. and so you get to tell people, just for no reason, i don't like the tie, lose the tie. the tie good, keep the tie on. but actually, it was the kind of thing where i got great actors, you really just give them the best place to deliver and get off, and that's what i really learned as a director for the most part. i've directed a couple of episodes of "the neighborhood" and "the soul man," the other show with niecy. that is the idea, really finding the place where comics can get off, or the actor, show them where he need to be for it to happen. >> roy: i can't thank you enough for what you have done,

for not just the culture of entertainment, but also just the culture of stand-up comedy. it is not something that you toot your horn about, not something you talk a lot about a lot publicly, but i want to give you flowers today. because you have staff and employed so many people, black, white, women, just so many people, and there is so many comedians -- [cheers and applause] you know, it is one thing to be someone in this industry, create a great comedy special but i measure the worth of a comedian by how many homeowners does he create with his team? there is a bunch of them over there. thank you so much. cedric the entertainer, everybody! [cheers and applause] the 100th episode of "the neighborhood" airs april 10th on cbs and on paramount plus. we're gonna take a quick break, we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

♪ “you can't hurt me no more” by gene chandler ♪ ♪ (no) ♪ ♪ you can't hurt me no more ♪ ♪ after all the pain you sent my way ♪ ♪ (no, no, no) ♪ ♪ no, no, no, no, no ♪ ♪ (no, no, no) ♪ ♪ you can't hurt me no more, baby ♪

[cheers and applause] >> roy: that's our show for tonight but to before we go, please consider donating to the garden program at troy university in alabama. the program partners college students with female inmates at the prison to teach about horticulture and nutrition. if you can, please donate at the link below. now here it is, your "moment of zen." >> donald trump has called for america to defund the police. particularly the fbi, the department of justice, because the democrats have weaponized law enforcement. all right. who in this panel, raise your hand, who thinks that's a good idea? all right, nobody. - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪ ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ both: ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ - ♪ i'm going down to south park ♪