i just-- [mutters] it's band-aids. >> ah, damn. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america, it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, roy wood jr.! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ >> roy: welcome to "the daily show!" i am roy wood jr. yes, i am. [cheers and applause] thank you, thank you. now this is -- [cheers and applause]

thank you. [cheers and applause] now welcome to "the daily show." this is my last night as guest host. no, no, don't cry, because you're all invited to the after party! [cheers and applause] there ain't no after party. we are on a basic cable budget. who the hell do you think you are coming to see? we've got a great show for you tonight. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] there is so much going on right now. so much going on this week. chicago has a new mayor. rfk jr. is running for president. and the tampa bay rays are undefeated! the tampa bay rays! good for them. you know, they pay their players and burger king, did you know

that? if there is one thing i love more than baseball, it is food, and if there is one thing i love more than food, it is food lawsuits. >> this morning, it is a battle of the bowls. chipotle mexican grill filing a lawsuit in california against salad chain sweetgreen, alleging sweetgreen's new chipotle chicken burrito bowl violates chipotle's trademark rights. chipotle claiming sweetgreen's very similar and directly competitive bowl is an attempt to capitalize on their brand, arguing the competitor's ad uses the same font and style as chipotle's branding and features a similar color to their trademarked adobo red. >> chipotle says sweetgreen should change the name of its new bowl by, one, putting the word chipotle in lower case and renaming it as a "chicken bowl with chipotle." >> roy: that's right, the two whitest restaurants in america are fighting over who gets to use a mexican word. and honestly, what the hell is chipotle mad

about? you named yourself after a seasoning. that's on you. honestly, both of these companies need to get sued just for using the word "burrito bowl." if it ain't wrapped up, it ain't a burrito! [cheers and applause] stop, stop it! it's just shit in a bowl. you put shit in a bowl and you go, this is our burrito bowl. bitch, that's dry chili! "would you like to try our all new pb&j sandwich bowl?" sorry, did i say i wanted that? i could have swore i wanted a sandwich. moving onto a big story today. one of america's supreme court justices is in a major corruption scandal. and you'll never guess who. okay, it's clarence thomas. [cheers and applause] but you'll never guess what. >> a simply blockbuster bombshell report. get this: supreme court justice clarence thomas did not disclose

luxury trips around the world worth hundreds of thousands of dollars. >> propublica says justice thomas has for years accepted free charter jet flights and stays on a yacht and luxury resorts from real estate developer harlan crow. crow is a conservative mega donor. crow tells propublica, he's never tried to influence the justice on legal or political issues. >> roy: yeah, yeah, sure. no, no, i am sure this billionaire republican didn't want to influence nobody. no, no, he just wanted to go on vacation with clarence thomas, because we all know that clarence thomas is clearly a bag of fun. just be straight up! who wouldn't want to pull up on miami beach with old ct? "come on, clarence, we doing tequila shots!"

"oh, clarence loves tequila shots." i don't know why i made him sound like sling blade. here is my question. if you aren't strengthened by lack a supreme court justice, why are you spending all this money on luxury yachts and planes for clarence thomas? you could have bought brett kavanaugh for a bottle of jager and a southwest bus pass. this is a deal! let's move on to sports now. earlier this week, we told you how lsu beat iowa in the women's ncaa basketball championship and there was some epic trash talk this week between angel reese and caitlin clark, and tempers have been bubbling all week. but finally, finally, a peacemaker has emerged. >> did first lady jill biden get so excited about the women's basketball championship game, she put her foot in her mouth? as she celebrated lsu's victory over iowa, dr. jill suggested both teams come to the white house. >> i know we both have the champions come to the white house, we always do,

so we will have lsu come, but you know what, i'm going to tell joe, i think iowa should come too, because they played such a good game. >> roy: yes, yes. no, you are wrong! she's talking about peace and unity! why shouldn't the losers be standing proud with the winners? come on, jill, you are trying to turn the white house into a participation trophy. nobody likes participation trophies! even the kids don't like participation trophy is! nobody! nobody has ever came home after school, after the big game with their trophy like, "yo, check it out, i struck out 12 times!" for more on this story, we turn to desi lydic. desi! [cheers and applause] how are you doing, desi? good to see you.

now desi come away from talking about the story around the building all week and i know you will agree me, the whole thing on this issue comes down to one word, and that word is... >> racism. >> roy: sexism. i'm sorry, you think it's racism? >> roy, i know racism when i see it, and this is textbook racism. a mostly white team getting an invite to the white house for losing is white privilege at its most insidious. [applause] if i may quote malcom x... >> roy: no, no, no. you may not quote malcolm x. >> got it, got it. >> roy: i hear what you are saying, desi, but this clearly sexism. this offer, this would've never happened in men's exports. but women are expected to get along and share the prize simply because they're women. if i could quote the great glorious dynamo...

gloria steinem... >> nope, nope. look, roy, it is racist to honor white losers the same as black winners. trust me. i have a unique perspective on race, as a person talking to a black man right now. >> roy: desi, let me explain to you how internalized sexism works. let me explain sexism. >> no, no. >> roy: doctor jill biden treated these adult women like a bunch of high schoolers who all had to be invited to the slumber party no matter what. that is not what you do. and i know what i'm talking about, because i watched "the handmaid's tale" for a couple seasons. that's the name. is it "handmaiden's" or "handmaid tale?" >> i don't know. i only watch "atlanta." [cheers and applause] look! whether it's racism or sexism -- and it's racism -- i think we can both agree on two things. one, i know all the lyrics to

"gangsta's paradise." and two, this was not jill biden's finest moment. >> roy: yes, dr. jill biden made a mistake. maybe next year, the white house should have vice president kamala harris extend the invite. you know? another strong woman. >> a strong black woman. >> roy: who made u.s. her-story. >> not to mention, she knows how to kick it at that cookout, know what i mean? >> roy: that's right, girl boss. >> yeah! [applause] >> roy: desi lydic, everybody. [cheers and applause] all right, when we come back, we'll talk about why college has got to go. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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[cheers and applause] >> roy: yeah, yes, yeah, welcome back to "the daily show." now, do you remember back in the day, you'd be flipping the channels and you'd see an ad for one of those for-profit colleges? be some dude in a t-shirt in a parking lot, telling you to get

your shit together. first off, how you gonna tell me to get it together? your shirt doesn't have a collar. or worse, they level up after a little while, and get master-p's son rapping to inspire you to get an education. >> ♪ i say icdc ♪ ♪ call up icdc college ♪ ♪ i say icdc ♪ ♪ i'm so icdc college ♪ >> roy: do you like reading and shit? i think that is the first time a dude lost a rap battle to himself. but the thing is, people who graduated from these for-profit schools are often drowning in debt or end up with a degree that nobody respects. the fact is, if you want to degree someone respects, oh, you got to get you one of these, baby. this is my actual college degree, broadcast journalism, bitches, for my four your institution. [cheers and applause] florida a&m, four your institution. none of that parking lot

bullshit. cost me about $60,000. shoulda been $45,000, but i flunked a year because i skipped school during midterms to open for tommy davidson. true story. and you know what i love about college degrees? you ever notice, when you get a college degree, your parents always wanted to take a picture with it. they beach easing. look at my mama. my mama smiling harder than me. she's worked in higher education for almost four decades so you know she is happy about the degree. i'm smiling too -- to be fair, i'm smiling, but the only reason i'm smiling is because i haven't seen the invoice yet. but now, the once exalted four-year degree is starting to feel a lot like the parking lot education. it is no wonder people are starting to doubt the whole thing. >> more and more americans are asking themselves, is a college degree still worth it? >> for high school senior raines lucas, his biggest challenge isn't getting into his dream schools, it's paying for them.

>> it's just not sensible to go somewhere and take on hundreds and hundreds of thousands dollars in debt. >> many top executives are questioning the purpose of a college degree, including elon musk. >> there's no need even to have a college degree, at all. >> roy: listen, you know it's bad when the dude who who bought twitter says college is a bad investment. [cheers and applause] just take a second. that was a good joke. [laughs] now we talked about abolishing the police and abolishing prisons, but i think it's time to ask an honest question. is it time to abolish college? we'll try to answer it in another installment of "long story short." ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] yes. there are a lot of problems with college. we can just say that off the top.

there's a lot of problems with college. you got annoying roommates, you've got unfair professors. sometimes, after a night of underage drinking, a bunch of jamaican night club owners decide to pull a gun on you after a small disagreement over a cover charge to get in their establishment. also a true story. but one of the main problems in recent years is that college has gotten way too expensive. from the time prince had his ass cheeks out until when megan thee stallion had her ass cheeks out -- about 40 years -- the average cost of college has risen nearly 500%. it's gotten so expensive, that american kids need to flee the country just to get an education. >> with tuition prices soaring at home, american students are flocking to europe for cheaper college options. >> there are at least 44 schools across europe where americans can earn their bachelors degree for free. all public colleges in germany, iceland, norway, and finland are free for residents and international students.

>> roy: how crazy is it that studying abroad used to be for rich kids? that was her pretentious rich people. now if you a baller, you need to go to school in america. "oh, you studied in berlin? you broke bitch. i went to the ohio state university. fetch me caviar!" now it's bad enough that these degrees are so expensive, but what makes it worse is they're not necessarily preparing you to earn the money back. just 1 out of 10 business leaders believe college graduates have the skills needed to work in their workplaces. and employers aren't the only ones questioning what colleges are teaching. so are the graduates themselves. >> ever wish you picked a different major back in college? turns out, nearly every two of every five american college grads regret the choice they made. liberal arts majors are the most likely to harbor that deep

regret. nearly half of them say they wished they picked another field of study. >> the most regretted major? journalism. [applause] >> roy: no, no. no. don't zoom in on my pain! go back up to my face! no regrets about going to the school and paying money to learn journalism just to get on tv to play a fake journalist! i have no regrets! i did real work! i did real journalism! show me the work! >> roy: hospital spokesperson brooke wilson declined to speak with famu 46 on camera about the events that led up to the hospital's impromptu inspection from aca. >> roy: you telling me that wasn't real journalism? [cheers and applause] that was hard-hitting journalism in my daddy's suit! [cheers and applause]

i had to dig in the closet for the vhs to find that. the point is, many college degrees aren't even setting you up for a career. now, back in the day, it didn't matter that much, because just having a degree made you special. in 1960, around 8% of the population had a bachelor's degree. but today, that number is around 40%. having a college degree now is like having a keyless entry to your car. everyone has it. but in 1987, you was the man. you had a keyless entry and everyone was like -- "bloop bloop!" "what did you just did?" >> unlock the door." "do it again!" "you are the devil, that is magic!" so here's where we are. we got people spending more money than ever to get a degree that means less than ever. which has left people are looking for alternatives. some people are taking apprenticeships.

some people are taking classes online. in some employers are saying, hell, we will just renew ourselves. in fact, google has a $50 much education service that they have used the place over 75,000 people into jobs that over 150 different companies. jobs that google will soon replace with ai, but that is not the point. so, long story short: college is too expensive, it doesn't help you get the job, you can learn the same stuff on the computer or a nice landor berlin, the employers will train you for free, this is a bigger scam than bitcoin, we should abolish college! [cheers and applause] we got to abolish college from a man! phone ringing] hey, mama... yes, ma'am, i know you been in higher education for 40 years. mama, i know you marched, you

told me the stories. yes, i will put the diploma back on the wall. i want to talk bad about college. yes, mama. okay, side note: college is necessary. it broadens your horizons. and i am absolutely a better man because of the degree, and the invaluable life-long friendships i made along the way. [applause] so maybe we don't have to abolish college, but we need to find a way for its benefits to outweigh its costs. because if a four-year degree is gonna leave you with crippling debt and people not respecting the degree, then maybe we all owe parking lot t-shirt man an apology. because it seems like we're all victims of for-profit education. stay tuned. when we come back, author jerry craft will be joining me on the show. so don't go away.

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yes! mr. craft. >> yes, sir. >> roy: first off, shouts out to the tie. i see what you are doing with the tie. you've got some of them black "peanut" characters. >> yeah, got franklin here. >> roy: first off, congratulations on being banned. [cheers and applause] >> thank you. >> roy: congratulations. i know that must feel awful. i know that is a terrible feeling to write a book and then somebody go, "oh, your book is too good! we can't let nobody read it." what was your thoughts and feelings when you first found out about that? >> i was disappointed. i was sad for the kids. because -- so this book, this is my first book, "new kid."

it is the first graphic novel -- the only graphic novel ever to win a newbery medal. [cheers and applause] it was the second book to win a newbery and a coretta scott king. [applause] and the only book ever to win those two and a kirkus prize. [cheers and applause] so not the only black book, the only book. not the only black book. >> roy: how do we get to that place? how do we go from a book, the same character in both books. this is the third book with this character. so the first book, award, award, award. this book, people go, crt. how is that classification even fair with the literature that you have been creating? >> fair? [laughter] you are funny. fair?

[laughter] i mean, that is the point of it. it's like, they can read it in albanian, romanian, greek, they just can't read it in texas. [audience reacts] >> roy: whew. it's about some kids who decide to travel over to france, and they take a school trip. to be able to write about children traveling beyond the horizon, what were your traveling journeys when you were a child? >> when i graduated from college, my dad took me to the bahamas. and it was 70 years old, his first time on the plane, right? because we didn't think that we could travel, right? and then, we went every year to a different place for 20 years. when my sons graduated from college, i took them to paris. because again, you don't think that you can do those things. right? and so i make the books that i wish that i had when i was a

kid, that makes kids readers, that gives them hope because you don't even know the things that you can hope for, right? [applause] so i read a review online -- they tell me not to read reviews, but i did anyway. and this woman literally wrote "i am not sure if my largely poor, largely african american students will be able to relate to this book." so i am like, but a kid -- you are saying, a kid can relate to a kid who goes to wizard school, flies on a broom and waves a wand, but you can't picture these black kids going to paris so you are not going to let them see the book? that is worse than being banned. [applause] >> roy: thank you for everything that you do. jerry craft, appreciate you, brother. [cheers and applause]

the book is "school trip." it's available now. we are going to take a quick break. we'll be right back after this. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ as a business owner, your bottom line is always top of mind. so start saving by switching to the mobile service designed for small business: comcast business mobile. flexible data plans mean you can get unlimited data or pay by the gig. all on the most reliable 5g network, with no line activation fees or term contracts...

saving you up to 75% a year. and it's only available to comcast business internet customers. so boost your bottom line by switching today. comcast business. powering possibilities™. [cheers and applause] >> roy: well, that's our show for tonight, and that's my time as host. but stay tuned for your next guest host starts april 17th. his name is jordan klepper. but if you still want to see me hosting something, check out

"the daily show's" podcast: "beyond the scenes," where i sit down with correspondents, writers, producers, and special guests to talk about segments and topics we've covered here on show. find it where ever you get your podcasts. now here it is. your "moment of zen." >> everyone deserves a defense, everyone deserves to be processed, and all of us should take a very, very, very deep breath and recognize the solemn numbness of this moment, and hope that the former president starts to act like a citizen of this country, which is to act with decorum and to take the process seriously. saltine: i can't believe the vatican hired us to find the ten commandments. this is huge. don't get your hopes up, saltine. every few years, the vatican hires an arky to search for the commandments based on some crazy new tip, but no one's ever found them. -it's basically busy work. -well, that's fine by me. busy work is my second favorite kind of work. after hard, that is. your sunny disposition can't disguise the fact that this gig is humiliating.