between sick days and personal days. sick days are only to be used when an illness precludes you from doing your job or can spread to your coworkers. personal days, on the other hand, are much more flexible. thank you, meredith. this was delicious. hey, where's the steak sauce? i think we're out. i got some in my minivan somewhere. wait a second. how does the steak factor in again? i think she got it as a tip, but i don't know why she didn't just take cash. i don't care what she's doing. i hope she just keeps doing it. amen, just keep the ribs coming. [chuckling] ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america, it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, desi lydic! [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm desi lydic. well, it's night two and so far, i've outlasted tucker carlson and don lemon. all i have to do is not harass anyone. that camera guy knows what i'm talking about. give us a little twirl, honey. yeah! we've got a great show for you tonight. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's begin with some shocking news about the 2024 presidential election. it turns out that the guy who spent his whole life wanting to be president now wants to continue being president. >> we do have real breaking news this morning, as president biden is officially announcing he is running for re-election. the president launched his campaign with a video that took

aim at republicans over abortion, social security, and culture wars. >> when i ran for president four years ago, i said, we're in a battle for the soul of america, and we still are. this is not a time to be complacent. that's why i'm running for re-election. >> desi: that's right. joe biden is running for reelection. well, not running exactly. the man is 80 years old. let's say he's "stair lifting" for president. yeah. [laughs] if joe biden does win, he would be 86-years-old when he reaches the end of his second term. hopefully. which is one reason why 70% of americans don't think he should run again. and to be fair, 86 is old. not just for president, but for any job. if my lyft driver rolled up and

was 86 years old, i'd be like, "do you need help getting home?" but maybe it would be good to have an old man president. if the economy collapses, he could find a never ending supply of quarters behind his ear. although, there is one thing he does have going for him. donald trump. shockingly, pull mys show that most people don't want him to run either. and in trump's case, it's not just about his age. was also his tendency to steal stuff, like classified documents and the election. he is in court every week. hush money, tax. he has a new trial starting today and you barely even know that. this guy had so many varieties of legal trouble that he could

be and every "law & order." [cheers and applause] the guy is going for a crime egot. those are america's choices. a guy who is an 80th year of life and a guy who is facing 80 years to life. [cheers and applause] it sucks, but unfortunately, america only has two people. although, there is one other person who suddenly has a lot of time on his hands. tucker carlson. [audience reacts] yeah. yesterday, carlson got fired from his job at fox news, and it was a huge surprise to everyone, including tucker. apparently, they only told him 10 minutes before announcing it publicly, which is so cold. i mean, that's barely enough time to pack up all his nazi memorabilia! not to mention, he was fox's most popular anchor, and they still fired him!

that'd be like if msnbc fired... well, imagine if there was a show people watched on msnbc -- it would be like firing them. and look, i know people love making fun of tucker but just put yourself in his shoes. say you're this massive piece of shit with no real friends and giggle like tickle me elmo and a dumb floppy hair cut and you always have your mouth open like you are drying your teeth -- where my going with this? oh, tucker is an asshole. now we still don't know exactly what got tucker fired. maybe it was the lies that cost fox news $787 million. maybe it was insulting his bosses and private texts. maybe it was his overall vibe of creepy dad driving the babysitter home. or maybe it was this.

>> "the daily beast" reports that tucker's repeated use of "the c word" was a key factor in his demise. according to text messages from the dominion lawsuit, he returned to trump lawyer sidney powell as the c-word and a former producer had a show alleges she heard the word around the office constantly. >> female politicians who came on the show were mocked. there were debates about who they'd rather sleep with. c-word all the time. >> desi: they use c-word all the time? like, how do you use the c-word at the office all the time? "susan's taking lunch orders, tell that [bleep], i will have a [bleep] salad. hold the [bleep]. do you want to share the [bleep]? for the audience at home, i know that just got [bleep]. i just said the word [bleep]. [cheers and applause]

but you know what? it's okay. tucker is allowed to say the c-word because he is one. but enough about the vaccine skeptical white guy facing a sudden career move. let's talk about aaron rodgers. after 18 years playing for the green bay packers, rodgers has decided to change teams, and because he's aaron rodgers, he did it in the weirdest way possible. >> big news from the nfl. four-time mvp aaron rodgers is packing his bags from green bay to join the new york jets. >> last year, a down year by rodgers' standards. the team missed the playoffs. and if you saw rodgers walk off the field after the regular season finale, you might have thought that was it for his career. but then in the off season, he went on a darkness meditation retreat to contemplate his future. he said he was leaning toward retirement when he went in. he decided he wanted to play for the jets when he came out. >> desi: [laughs] >> desi: yeah, aaron rodgers was

like, "i no longer fear darkness. trade me to the jets." so yes, aaron rodgers decided to go to the jets after spending four days in complete darkness. which, first of all, you can just close your eyes. but also, this guy does ayahuasca, and i got to say, i don't think it's working. imagine taking a substance that opens your mind to the deepest mysteries of the universe, and you come out going, "whoa... i should do the same job but in a different city!" it all seems like such a waste of time! he is doing all this weird stuff. his poor brain is probably like, can we just go back to concussions? and speaking of illegal drugs, let's move on to our final story: the battle over abortion pills. two weeks ago, a judge in texas banned the abortion pill nationwide for "safety reasons," because even though women have used it safely for over two

decades, he's a man and he just knows better. now thank god the supreme court has temporarily halted that decision, at least until clarence thomas comes back from his all-expenses-paid cruise. but that doesn't stop individual states from enacting their own bans, and over a dozen states already have, including wyoming, which bans both mifespristone, and a second abortion pill, misoprostol. but we looked into it and it turns out, it is not a band for everyone. you can still get misoprostol in wyoming as long as you're a dog, or a cat or a horse. because veterinarians in wyoming can still prescribe the pill for animals. which means if you're a woman in wyoming whose rights are being restricted, you need to get creative. ♪ ♪ >> good girl.

i am your mommy. >> hi. you must be desi. >> thank you so much for seeing me. >> my girl. waffles. >> of course. what can we do for waffles today? >> waffles was wondering if you could write a prescription for the abortion pill? >> okay. when did your dog become pregnant? two weeks ago, apparently. thank you. it's not really a great time for her, you know, she's really trying to focus on her career. >> oh, i see. and what does she do for a living? >> desi: she is a sled dog. she is a sled dog. >> she's a sled dog sled dog. >> desi: yeah, and she is also a bomb sniffing dog, and as you know, pregnancy really messes with the olfactory organs. >> no, that's not a thing.

>> desi: mostly, she's a therapy dog. aren't you, ruffles? >> i thought her name was waffles. >> desi: this is crazy that this would happen right now because she always uses protection. >> you mean she is fenced in? >> desi: she's fenced and all right. dogs are so expensive! do you know how expensive dogs are? >> i do. i am actually a veterinarian. >> desi: there's dog food, doggy day care, doggy tae kwon do lessons, doggy diapers, doggy college, that is the first 18 years. >> most dogs don't have that long. >> desi: she already has two puppies at home and they are sucking the life out of her, quite literally. and this is her [bleep] decision. this is her decision! and that is why these pills exist. so please, give her the pills, please and thank you! did i say please? ♪ ♪ >> it's okay. she doesn't have to explain herself. we can prescribe abortion pills for your dog.

♪ ♪ okay. >> desi: thank you. hey! that's my dog. >> desi: i'm so sorry. i am so sorry. [applause] could you prescribe an abortion pill? you know, for my dog? >> yeah. what is your name? i mean, her name? ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> desi: when we come back, my interview with transportation secretary pete buttigieg. don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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[cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." as a basic bitch, one of my favorite interests is travel. it's right after living, laughing, and loving. so when i had the opportunity to interview transportation secretary pete buttigieg, i took it. check out my interview with him at the d.o.t. operations center. so sorry. secretary buttigieg, thank you so much. i apologize for being late. i took amtrak. okay. secretary buttigieg, we are here at the department of transportation, which is the hub, the central nervous system of america's infrastructure. yet, america is a divided nation. so how do you bring us all together with projects that normally bring us together? >> sec. buttigieg: i think everybody loves a good transportation project. even though not everyone voted for the infrastructure law, i have yet to meet anybody who is

upset when we are fixing an airport terminal, upgrading a bridge so that we can have a better, safer, more convenient experience getting around the country. >> desi: what have been the biggest accomplishments at the d.o.t. since he took over? >> sec. buttigieg: so when we got here, first of all, the biggest question back in 2021 about everly airlines was whether they were going to go out of business. but then as to demand return, we started finding new tools for holding them accountable for how they treat customers. >> desi: what are some areas of the d.o.t. could improve on? like, have you had any roadblocks? >> sec. buttigieg: i see what you did there. >> desi: thank you. >> sec. buttigieg: we are doing a lot to hold companies accountable for their safety practices. right now, the fines are capped. for example, if we catch a company in an egregious violation involving hazardous material that get someone killed, the highest, toughest line under the law that we can assess is about $250,000. that is not enough in my view to

get the attention of a multibillion-dollar railway company like norfolk southern. right now, there's a bipartisan proposal in the senate, called the railway safety act, and it would do a number of things that i have been calling for that i think would make a big difference. right now, we are dealing with some, not all, but some republicans on capitol hill who are saying, well, we don't want to do too much too fast when it comes to getting tough on railroad companies. in my view, we need to act now. >> desi: why do you think some republicans are stalling on this? is it because they are too busy focused on starting culture wars? >> sec. buttigieg: well, i do think the culture wars are getting in the way sometimes. just the other day, i was testifying in the appropriations subcommittee, explaining how our budget was going to help with things like railroad safety, air traffic control, and other transportation needs, and we had to take a break so that they could all go and vote on a bill to kick transgender teenagers off sports team's. that was a priority for the house g.o.p. that day. so these things really are

getting in the way of our ability to get work done. we are literally building bridges, and they are literally banning books. >> desi: is the department of transportation going woke? >> sec. buttigieg: i don't think it is woke to build good infrastructure. i just saw fox news taking a run at me for the work we are doing on the safety, including the use of crash test dummies that simulate men, women, and children. and somehow, this is considered a woke priority to have a female crash test dummies even though this is something that has been around for a very long time. >> desi: fox news has made loads of false statements about you over the years. what do you think? do you think it is lawsuit time? cash in on some of that $787 million in coin? >> sec. buttigieg: does sound like there is a lot of money in that but probably would be a bit of a distraction in my case. >> desi: possibly, but you know, it could help fund some of these projects. >> sec. buttigieg: yeah, i think i would prefer to stick with the appropriations process. but the amount of money in that lawsuit is as much is the sum of

our nationwide transportation infrastructure programs. >> desi: that could repair at least hundreds of feet of tu tunnel. >> sec. buttigieg: depending on the tunnel. >> desi: secretary buttigieg, thank you for chatting with us. >> sec. buttigieg: thanks for joining us. >> desi: real quick, before i go, can i just get a quick reimbursement for the train that i took out here? i was literally on the train for about 12 hours straight. >> sec. buttigieg: sorry to hear that. >> desi: this was like the best train that america has to offer. if i could just get a little refund. >> sec. buttigieg: going to have to take it up with amtrak. >> desi: okay. >> sec. buttigieg: you know, sure. i will send it along for you. >> desi: thank you. they could use your stamp of approval. >> sec. buttigieg: we don't actually do stamps anymore. >> desi: hey, thanks. thank you, secretary. it really was an honor. thank you so much. appreciate it. >> sec. buttigieg: enjoy your trip. >> desi: this is an incredible. do you mind if i take a spin around?

>> sec. buttigieg: you are welcome to look around a little bit. >> desi: okay, great. >> sec. buttigieg: or i can just describe things to you. >> desi: that's okay, i will just sneak in to some of these desks. what does this do? >> sec. buttigieg: please don't touch this. >> desi: this? >> sec. buttigieg: really any of that. >> desi: hello, operator? how do i turn this on? >> sec. buttigieg: again, please don't touch that. >> desi: what are you doing over here? >> working, mama. >> desi: can i borrow your badge? just quick. i will give it back. [cheers and applause] >> desi: stay tuned, because when we come back, yvette nicole brown will be joining me on the show. so don't go away. [cheers and applause]

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get an individual-size starter and entree for just $15.99. welcome to fun dining. [cheers and applause] >> desi: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an emmy-nominated actor whose new apple tv+ show is called "frog and toad." >> hello, toad. >> rabbit. this is a delicious smelling cake you have right here and you might need someone to try it for you. very important to make sure a cake like this tastes as good as it smells. >> oh, i would love to give you a taste, toad. but this cake was baked for a very special day. >> very special day? what very special day is it for? >> tuesday. >> tuesday is tomorrow. >> yes. and you are welcome to come back and have a piece then. >> desi: [laughs] please welcome yvette nicole brown! [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> well, well, well. >> desi: yes. >> i feel we need to do that video of paul rudd going, "look at us." would you have ever thought? >> desi: look at us. you, yvette, you have an incredible quality of walking into a room and lighting the place up. >> honey! >> desi: you do! you really do! you emit so much warmth and joy. what is your secret? is it not reading the news? >> [laughs] >> desi: is it pills, edibles, how do i get in on this? >> may be a little edibles in california wow. it is legal in california. i'm determined to let what happens in the world not destroy me. i don't want to be the problem. i'm trying to make things a

little bit better. it's tough out there. y'all know. >> desi: [cheers and applause] oh, we know. they know. that is kind of what your show is about. "frog and toad" is all about celebrating each other's differences, which feels like something that is very needed right now. >> yeah, we are in a tough time as a nation. listen, if you guys follow me on twitter, i'm no longer verified, but it's me. >> desi: and if you don't, you should, because she's fantastic. >> i like to throw elbows. it is important when you have a platform to use it for good. it's important to remind people that it's okay to be different, just like frog and toad said, but you don't have to be a jerk about it. >> desi: that's right. [cheers and applause] so you are saying that there is a possibility that this show isn't just for children. >> oh, absolutely. it's an important story but understanding that differences make us special and they don't have to pull us apart. >> desi: i feel like it is a very good series for a grown men to watch. grown white men. >> grown men, republican maybe. >> desi: watching healthy male relationships. >> doesn't have to be anger and

gunplay. >> desi: no, not always. my son is seven years old and he is a huge fan of the book series. it is one of the first books that he actually read. he asked -- he wrote a question. >> for me? he has a question about "frog and toad." "frog and toad," gay? [laughter] he asked it. he asked it. >> listen, perhaps. it was a different time when the books were written and we found out later that it was his way of working through some things that he was trying to figure out when the world that he couldn't be who he wanted to be, he wrote "frog and toad" so he could experience and show love in a way that he couldn't in real life. it works as a friendship, and it also works as a tender love story with amphibians. it works both ways. >> desi: that's right! up to the viewer. [cheers and applause] >> you get what you need. >> desi: room for it all. i got to ask you a political question. >> please. >> desi: you are very

outspoken, an outspoken democrat, you supported biden. biden just announced. are you booking hotel rooms in new hampshire? >> [laughs] this is what i want to say about the situation. we have a great president who has done a lot for us. if we had the senate and the house, he could have done even more. so what you need to do right now, instead of worrying about, should he be running, why is he running, just get people registered and vote for as many democrats as you can. listen, we've already lost the right to choose. we can't read books, libraries are being defunded, they are doing a lot of crazy things to make life hard for all of us. if you remember this, the infrastructure bill that biden passed, all of them voted against it. everything they need a bridge or something, they are taking the money. understand that they say one thing and do another. biden is our guy, stay behind him, let's go! [cheers and applause] >> desi: when are you running for president? >> no! >> desi: you have my vote. >> you know what is so funny, desi, i used to think that you had to be really smart to be president. >> desi: there are no rules anymore. >> i used to feel like i wasn't worthy of it. i grew up -- jimmy carter was my

first president, so i grew up under that level of decency and kindness. so the idea that someone like donald trump could become president just -- so i would never say never, because i now know that we need decency in there more than we need may be the smartest person, but can't it be great if you do both? i think i have a little bit of that. i'm not saying i would ever run. >> desi: if you decide to, you'll come back on the show? >> absolutely, i will announce it here. >> desi: yes! [cheers and applause] "frog and toad" premiers april 28th on apple tv+. we are going to take a quick break but we'll be back right after this! yvette nicole brown! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪

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[cheers and applause] >> desi: that's our show for tonight, but before we go: please consider supporting the brigid alliance. they provide travel, lodging, and support and other logistical support for people who need abortions. if you can, please donate at the link below. now here it is, you're a "moment of zen." >> we have breaking news right now. breaking news. aaron rodgers has officially been traded to the new york jets. the jets are saving their first-round pick this year, their second-round pick this year -- >> i told you! sorry! >> hold on! hold on! their second round pick next their second round pick next year -- ♪ ♪