and i also got the acorn, which i gave to grandma because she likes to keep all my old trophies. [wally chuckling] wow. ah, jessimae, you're hurt. oh, i'm so sorry, baby. well, time to retire you. [glass smashing] [dog barking] [theme music] announcer: from new york city, the only city in america, it's the show that invented news. this is the daily show with your host, roy wood, jr. [cheering]

welcome to the daily show. i'm roy wood, jr. yes, indeed. now-- now-- thank you. now this is my third night hosting the daily show. ["roy" chant] settle down, rioters. it's my third night hosting the show, and it's been a blast. it's been a blast. now, i know if you tuned in last night, you might have seen the home boy jon stewart stop by. and tonight, who knows? beyoncé? [cheering] [laughter] you got to speak it to an existence, manifest it, and all that other shit.

but we got a great show for you tonight. i'll tell you who is definitely here is the homie cedric the entertainer. so let's get into the headlines. [cheering] rapid. all right. let's kick things off in wisconsin. i like wisconsin. wisconsin in the building? i like wisconsin. wisconsin-- wisconsin-- only place i've been to that sell cheese as a souvenir. i like that. [laughter] you want some cheese before your flight, yeah? cheese curds-- you give me cheese curds, no wrapping, no nothing, just butt naked in my hand. [laughter] but last night wisconsin had a critical election for the state supreme court, which has national implications for 2024. they had a far-right conservative versus a very left-wing liberal. and i don't want to presume anything about the political beliefs of the audience in the room right now. you know, i know daily show fans hold a wide variety of views. ah, who am i kidding?

y'all can go on and start clapping. show them the clip. reporter: and a major political flip in wisconsin, democrat-backed judge janet protasiewicz has won the state's widely-watched supreme court race. the court will now be controlled by liberals for the first time in 15 years. reporter: protasiewicz's conservative opponent, dan kelly, had harsh words after the election was called and criticized her, calling her a serial liar. i wish that in a circumstance like this i would be able to concede to a worthy opponent. but i do not have a worthy opponent to which i can concede. this was the most deeply deceitful, dishonorable, despicable campaign i have ever seen run for the courts. and i wish wisconsin the best of luck. because i think it's going to need it. [laughter] aw, you seem very sad about losing. would you like some cheese? [laughter] now-- now, look, i know people think

that it's classless to concede like this. but i'mma be straight up with y'all. good for my man. dude just got his ass beat in front of the whole country, and you want him to be gracious? congratulations to my opponent, who is clearly a winner, unlike me, a little bitch loser. [laughter] look, i say as long as you accept the outcome, you get to talk shit. you let me spend millions running for judge, and then i lose? i run millions, and i lose-- oh, baby, i'm up on that podium like samuel l. jackson. yes, they deserve to die, and i hope they burn in hell! [applause] but now let's move on to the big story, the arrest of donald j. trump. [cheering] oh, you heard about it. y'all heard about it? ok, i thought it was just a little-- you know, little-- yesterday was a momentous day for donald j. trump.

he was indicted for 34 counts of falsifying business records and also one count of clogging the courthouse toilet. they added that one at the last minute. [laughter] so old trumpy went down to the courthouse, looked around stupid for a couple of minutes, and then fled on his private jet to florida. because, as you all know, florida does not have an extradition treaty with the united states. [laughter] he rode up mar-a-lago, and then he waved to his supporters, and then offered to put his thumb up they butt. [laughter] what is this? seriously. who adds motion to a thumbs up? it's simple. just lock the elbow. trump got to be the first person to add the jerkoff motion to a thumbs up. thanks so much for coming out. i really appreciate it. [groans] [applause] so then, after all of that, it was time for trump to give his big speech. and, sidebar, why are people still going to trump speeches?

like, i get it. i get it. that's your dude, but you know what he gonna say. he say the same-- donald trump is a comedian that ain't changed his act in years. you know what he gonna do. liberal media be doing this, and joe biden-- joe biden and them, they be doing this! y'all know i ain't lying. come on now, dj. kick it. the only-- [applause] the only thing-- the only thing that changes year to year with trump is who is enemy is. and for this fight, he's got two new ones. reporter: in a defiant speech at mar-a-lago, the former president claimed he's a victim, and targeted the prosecutor and judge in the case. they can't beat us at the ballot box. so they try and beat us through the law. the criminal is the district attorney. i have a trump-hating judge with a trump-hating wife

and family. who-- who you know go to trial and talk shit about the judge? [laughter] that's bold. the judge could destroy you. he could destroy you, and you riling him up. you about to fight cocaine bear. you don't offer him crack first. and he didn't just call out the judge. trump called out the kids. you don't pull the kids into-- even rappers don't go after the kids, and they murder each other. and trump said the man has a trump-hating wife. but, to be fair-- to be fair, i don't even know if that was an insult. because donald trump also has a trump-hating wife. [applause] you can't tell me melania don't hate that man. if anything, this week was confirmation.

if you all think trump-- let me ask you this then. during donald trump's 45 minutes as a political prisoner, where was his wife? reporter: so many people have noticed the former first lady, the former president's wife, melania trump, was not in attendance last night. reporter: his wife, former first lady melania trump, she was not there. reporter: among the guests were ardent trump supporters, including congresswoman marjorie taylor greene and the mypillow founder, mike lindell. one person noticeably absent last night was former first lady melania trump. even the pillow salesman showed up for the speech. but his own wife didn't show up. and the speech was at the house. melania didn't even come downstairs. she just-- she opened up the bedroom door. (imitating melania) oh, you're back from prison already. oh. now, look, we're making jokes.

we're making jokes, but there's nothing funny about a former first lady not showing up to her husband's speech where he's complaining about getting arrested for lying about paying off a porn star. [laughter] frankly, i'm concerned about melania's whereabouts. so we launched a search for her, and that search is being headed by our very own dulcé sloan. dulcé. [cheering] dulcé. now, dulcé, you're in florida. you're in florida, dulcé. hello, poor people. [laughter] yes, we are very poor, dulcé. vacation! now-- i mean, working! you're down there on the coast. are there any signs of melania down there? oh, not yet. you know, i've been looking for her at the beach all day. and after this, i'm going to look for her at brunch. and then i might go look for her at the front row of a magic mike show. you know, i'm vigilant.

you know, vigilante out here. yeah. ain't the magic mike show in las vegas? i think you're taking advantage of the corporate expense account. we'll talk about that later. but, first, let's just-- while i got you, let's just talk about this whole thing. don't you think that melania should leave donald trump? i mean, the man was paying hush money to porn stars. roy, roy, roy. you don't understand, son. the hush money was for melania. she's the reason he didn't want people to know about stormy daniels. shit, if he wasn't married, his campaign slogan would have been, i [bleep] porn stars. bah, bah, bah, bah! [laughter] roy wood jr: ok. ok. [applause] but for melania, he paid a porn star $130,000. oh! to know a love like that, oh.

ok. you know, i mean, it's kind of romantic for a man to just break bread like that for you. ok, ok i got you. so then you think melania should stay with donald. [bleep] no. [laughter] he cheated on her with a porn star. come on. i've dumped men for a lot less. i broke up with a guy last week because he left me a voicemail. [laughter] a voicemail? sir, what year do you think this is? just leave a comment on my tiktok like an adult, grandpa. ok. so i see what you're saying. so then you think melania should have dumped trump back in 2016. got you. oh, hell no. listen, uncle roy, are you listening? why would she dump him when he just got elected el presidente? you cheat on me. you think i'mma let some porn star be the first lady. with the hell? no! [laughter] no, bitch, i'm getting a portrait, ok? a real one with paint and shit, ok? [cheering]

roy wood jr: ok, ok. i'm talking about a canvas, the easel, and we gonna sit there for seven hours and look happy, damn it. - ok. you're going every which way then. dulcé, just tell me, what the hell should melania do then? she should be doing what she been doing. take advantage of trump when he's president. and when he's not, let his ass twist in the wind while you at home watching martin reruns and banging his pool boys. [cheering] ok. i mean, she's doing it at mar-a-lago right now. wait. so you know where she is. well, then why are you running up an expense account on my week? [laughter] what you-- what? this is my week hosting, and you running up the bill with all this travel. come on. wow, this is how you treat a black woman? [laughter] that's not-- in april? no, no, that's not happening. black women's history month? no, no, no, no, no, no.

no, no, no. that's not how i meant it. - wow. - that's not how i meant it. - wow. that's not how-- no, no, no, no, no. let me-- no, i should be out here with a telfar bag and morris chestnut. and you out here trying to act like i'm not doing my job. you know what? i'mma get on my jet ski. i got to do with you-- i got to do none of this. where my jet ski? dulcé sloan, everybody. [cheering] all right, when we come back, jordan klepper looks back at yesterday's madness at the courthouse. you don't want to miss it. [cheering]

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[cheering]. welcome back to the daily show. yesterday jordan klepper was down at the courthouse for donald trump's arraignment. we gave you a little taste of it yesterday-- some santos, some marjorie taylor greene. but today we'll hear what the trump faithful have to say. [audio logo] jordan klepper (voiceover): tuesday's arraignment of former president donald trump in new york was a first for the nation and brought out the passionate, the sensibly dressed, and the kind of men who really disappoint their mothers. two genders. two genders. two genders. roy wood jr: while i had fun getting into the scrum, i was surprised to find there were people who wanted to have meaningful conversations about the justice system. i don't believe what we're-- what you're seeing is justice. you don't believe in the grand jury process? i don't believe if this was a civilian, it would-- i mean, he is a civilian. he is a person who had a new york address. so he shouldn't go through the grand jury process?

i believe it should be dismissed. because? because i-- i'm going by a general gut feeling. the way i see it is the government is stepping over their bounds in doing what they're doing here, indicting donald trump. this stuff happens all the time. what stuff? paying off a porn star, and then fudging business records? i mean, come on. it's his own money for one thing. and out of all the cases up against donald trump, this is probably the weakest one. probably the weakest, yeah. there's no evidence to bring about this prosecution. so-- well, we don't know that until there's a grand jury, who can then see that evidence. you know, listen, i think that everyone-- everyone should get-- get a fair trial. so you would support a grand jury looking at all of the evidence, and if they decide to indict donald trump, well, then we will let that happen? sure, certainly, if there's evidence, every-- every piece of evidence should be heard. well, i mean, that's what happened here. hmm. there's an excitement in the air.

it feels almost like the american version of a royal event. if the king [bleep] a porn star, paid her, and then lied about it in business records, like an american coronation. roy wood jr: and then the donald arrived. the former leader of the free world was now possibly in the same room as a group of recently-busted subway masturbators. i think he wants media. jordan klepper: you think he orchestrated all of this? yeah, because his polls-- like, desantis was sort of-- was rising. now he's taken all the air out of the room now-- trump. in 2016 he had all the media-- fox news, cnn was covering. now they don't cover him anymore. now they have to. getting arrested is the smartest thing he could do. he's, like, one of the smartest guys that i know of. you're talking about the man who's getting fingerprinted inside that building right now. i think they fingerprinted him already. they have-- they have his dna. that guy's left his dna in a lot of different places. this is, like, the seventh time. could trump run his election campaign from prison? he could do anything-- trump. yeah. would that dissuade you in any way? even if they give him 34 felonies, you know, it's just like-- trump-- he's untouchable. he's untouchable, except for the person who's literally touching his fingerprints right now.

have you donated to the trump campaign since he was-- i haven't thought about it up until now, but i guess i'd consider it, sure. trump has fundraised, like, over $5 million for this. so in some ways, it's almost like he's getting paid to have sex. is he a sex worker? i mean, it's cool. there's no judgment. look, i think you guys are great. i love senses of humor. but in many ways, you should appreciate this is not funny. because they're going after trump today, they'll go after me tomorrow, and then they'll go after you. did you pay off a porn star, then lie about your business records? i'm sorry. that's got to be frightening. i guess he could come for us if we've been involved in hush money payments, and then lying on our business records, and then-- and then using that when it comes to the campaign as well. like, i guess that could happen to anybody. jordan klepper (voiceover): perhaps we don't need justice to be blind, just friendly. [cheering] thank you, jordan. all right. stay tuned because when we come back, cedric the entertainer will be joining me on the show.

don't go away. i'm going to pretend to write on this paper. [cheering] [bacon sizzles] [bacon sizzles] ♪ [electronic music plays] ♪ [bacon sizzles] ♪ [electronic music plays] ♪ woo! ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ bacardi, do what moves you

[cheering] welcome back to the daily show. my guest tonight is one of the original kings of comedy. he's also the star and executive producer of the hit cbs series the neighborhood, which will soon celebrate its 100th episode.

i got her the most amazing gift, a genuine chanel jacket straight off the runways of paris. looked like it came straight from the guangdong province. yes, you gonna love it, baby. you gonna-- here we go. ah, yes. oh, no. hey, man, that's too small. i can see that, dave. so i don't have to point out that it's spelled channel. no. please, welcome cedric the entertainer. [cheering] og. yeah. now-- what's up? what's up? now, before we talk about anything, og, let me just ask a serious question off the rip, man.

what is your annual budget on hats? [laughter] every time i see you in a hat, i never see a hat repeat itself. it's just hats, just a bunch of hat-- does your wife have any room for her shoes? [laughter] cedric the entertainer: that's the constant battle. it's my hats against her shoes. i've lost. i definitely lose in that battle for sure. so the neighborhood. yeah, man. congratulations on 100 episodes. yeah, big one. [cheering] first and foremost, and you're directing the 100th episode of this television program. and the neighborhood-- i've always been a fan of it because it's a show that positions itself within the issue of gentrification and not addressing the bigger issue, but just what it means to be a black person in a black neighborhood and have a white person come in. and you figuring out how to keep your culture while also learning about someone else's. in the writer's room, how are you all able to toe that line on that issue and make it so palpable for everybody? it was always the thing with the show. i mean, you know, it was interesting

because when the show first came to me, it was here comes the neighborhood. and i was like, oh, wait a minute. so that's a whole 'nother attitude right there. i'm like, i'm already there. the neighborhood already exists, right? [laughs] so it was one of those things where we wanted to be able to tell the story of, like, how you feel when things come. you do want growth in your neighborhood. you do want a starbucks and a whole foods. but you don't want to do that without losing the culture. you know what i'm saying? so, you know, and that's the really how we tell the story. we got great actors. max greenfield, who plays dave, is just legendary funny man, killing it. tichina arnold, beth behrs, marcel spears, we kill it, man. [applause] so-- now talk about directing. what was that like? because the episode premieres next week. but what was that like to sit behind that camera and go, you do this, and go get me a water, mother-- that was it. that was it. that's what i did. [laughter] that's what everybody love. i was like, yo, you're the director. you actually-- you get to paint the picture.

that's what i say. you know, you're the one that's kind of literally putting all the colors on the canvas and just-- and so you get to tell people just for no reason, i don't like the tie. i don't like the tie. lose the tie. you know what? no, the tie good. keep your tie on. you know, so-- but, actually, it was that kind of thing where i got great actors. you really just give them the best place to deliver and get off. and that's what i really learned as a director for the most part. i've been doing-- i've directed a couple of episodes of the neighborhood and then the soul man that i used to have, my other show with niecy. and so that's the idea, really just finding that place where a comic can get off or an actor and just, like, show them where they need to be for it to happen. well, i can't thank you enough for what you've done for not just the culture of entertainment, but also just the culture of standup comedy. and it's not something that you toot your horn about. it's not something that you talk about a lot publicly. but i want to give you flowers today, og, because you have staffed and employed so many people--

black, white, women-- just so many people. and there are so many comedians. [cheering] you know, it's one thing to be someone in this industry and create a great comedy special. but i measure the worth of a comedian by how many homeowners does he create within his team. and it's a bunch of them over there. thank you so much. ced the entertainer, everybody. yeah, man. [cheering] the 100th episode of the neighborhood as april 10 on cbs and paramount+. we're going to take a quick break. we'll be right back after this. [cheering]

that's our show for tonight. but before we go, please-- please, consider donating to the tutwiler garden program at troy university in alabama. the program partners college students with female inmates at tutwiler prison to teach about horticulture and nutrition. if you can, please, donate at the link below. now here it is, your moment of zen. donald trump has called for america to defund the police, particularly the fbi, the department of justice, because the democrats have weaponized law enforcement all right, who in this panel-- raise your hand-- who thinks that's a good idea? all right, nobody. announcer: mtv. ♪ ♪ >> announcer: msnbc, our hosts are not toxic and not good. >> james: tonight on "tooning out the news"! my exclusive report from the saudi back to liv golf