between sick days and personal days. sick days are only to be used when an illness precludes you from doing your job or can spread to your coworkers. personal days, on the other hand, are much more flexible. thank you, meredith. this was delicious. hey, where's the steak sauce? i think we're out. i got some in my minivan somewhere. wait a second. how does the steak factor in again? i think she got it as a tip, but i don't know why she didn't just take cash. i don't care what she's doing. i hope she just keeps doing it. amen, just keep the ribs coming. [chuckling] >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america... it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta! [cheers and applause]

♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome to "the daily show!" i'm michael kosta. we are back on the air! holy shit, it's been five months! [cheers and applause] man, i love my family, but not for five months! this is my first night, and i'm very excited to be here. i've always wanted to host a late night show. i was hoping that it would be on a major network, but i'll take whatever channel this is on. now, we have a great show for you tonight. so let's get into headlines! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] obviously, there's one big story in the world right now that we have to cover. the taylor swift movie. and we will get to that later. but first, i want to talk about something that stirs up almost

as much passion: the middle east. that's right, it's my big week as guest host and i get israel-palestine. i don't mean to complain, but as far as scheduling goes, this unspeakably tragic geopolitical crisis is not a super convenient time for me right now. because no matter what i come up with here, people are going to say, "this guy doesn't know what the [bleep] he's talking about!" and you're right! that's pretty much the only opinion everyone can agree on. michael kosta is an idiot. and what do i know about the middle east? i'm from the middle west. i'm from michigan. the best way i would describe my position on the mideast is "poorly educated." and that sounds harsh, but at least i'm aware of it. because i read a lot of your posts online, and sometimes it's better not to pretend you know what you're talking about.

i have friends on facebook who have the whole middle east figured out when i know for a fact, they can't even get car insurance. hey, joey, interesting points. don't you have three duis? maybe you should focus on you. thankfully, this is why later tonight, i will bring on an actual expert. political scientist ian bremmer will be here to help all of us make sense of this. [cheers and applause] but here's what i'll say for now. there is a cycle of violence here that feels like it is never-ending. it's been going on my whole life, and apparently, even longer than that. and i'm sure i'm not the only one who wishes that this cycle would end. and everyone has an opinion for who is responsible for it. it is israel, it is palestine, it is netanyahu, it is hamas, everyone is taking a side, but everyone is wrong. i spent the weekend reading two lengthy wikipedia articles and i think it is pretty clear who we

can blame for all of this mess. the british. [cheers and applause] [bleep] you, britain, and your nursing-home king. they're the ones who barged into the middle east 100 years ago and drew the borders that caused all this mess. and they did it all around the world, by the way! like, how much of modern civilization is just undoing all of britain's bad decisions? you want to know how bad they bleeped up maps? they made ireland two irelands! it's an island! it didn't need borders, but the british were like, "here you go!" so maybe that's the best way we can find peace: israel and palestine, it's time to put your grievances aside, and join together... to invade britain. [cheers and applause]

now who's the idiot now? all right? speaking of problems that won't go away, donald trump. as you all know, former president donald trump is facing 6,000 indictments, and he's been complaining a lot about it. but today, a judge told him that, legally speaking, he needs to cram a sock in it. >> the federal judge just imposed a gag order on former president donald trump restricting what he could say about his federal elections aversion case. he is now legally barred from attacking special counsel jack smith or his team or assailing potential witnesses. >> michael: that's right. donald trump has a gag order. and i guarantee you he doesn't even know what that is. he probably thinks it means he can't deep throat a mcrib anymore. good luck getting donald trump to stop talking. the guy is probably still spilling national secrets. just out on the golf course like, "should i go with the 4 iron or 5 iron? that reminds me, 4 and 5, first two numbers in the nuclear

codes. and guess what numbers come next? you'll never guess, i'll just tell you." let's move on to some business news. rite aid, the only pharmacy chain that hasn't refused to print my pictures, announced that it's filing for bankruptcy. just when i was about to buy that one dvd player that's been sitting behind the register since 2003. seriously, this news is shocking to me. are you telling me it's a bad business model to have one employee for every six stores? i mean, maybe they'd have more profit if their deodorant wasn't walked up and a maximum security prison. [applause] of course these guys were gonna go out of business. i mean, just look at their logo. they were mashing their medicines the old-fashioned way. that's how i make guacamole. it's tragic, though, because as a part of this move, they sadly had to lay off their entire

custodial staff ten years ago. my point is, rite aid sucks and i'm glad this happened to them. [cheers and applause] i'm gonna keep going to them, though, because they're the closest to my apartment. also, in a related story, spirit halloween just opened 9,000 new locations. [applause] and finally, let's talk about the biggest story in the entertainment world. this weekend, the new taylor swift concert film took in $93 million at the box office. [cheers and applause] yeah. but it wasn't just the ticket sales that made this a wild weekend at the movies. >> a taylor nation takeover at the weekend box office as taylor swift crushes the competition. >> audiences bringing that swiftie spirit inside, dancing and singing in their seats just like taylor did at the premiere. >> michael: okay, white people, we can't talk about

black audiences being rowdy in movie theaters ever again. that's over. [laughs] [applause] but it truly was a scene this weekend in movie theaters all around the country. so we sent our own desi lydic out there to capture the mood. check it out. ♪ ♪ >> the cinema. where researchers recently discovered people will actually go watch stuff about women. who knew? >> all right. are you actual huge swifties or are you here celebrating women dominating the economy? >> we are here swifties. >> we saw her metlife, we are seeing her in amsterdam, we are seeing her in new orleans. >> this could make taylor a billionaire. i know people give billionaires a hard time but isn't it cool if it is a girl? >> i would say it is better. not great. >> okay. >> kylie jenner is a billionaire. still not that cool. >> okay. follow-up question, why don't you support women? >> i support women's rights and

wrongs. when a woman does something right, yea, women. one woman does something wrong, it is a little more okay because she is a woman. >> yeah. >> i built an entire brand on this. you don't have to explain it to me. tell me about your friendship bracelets. >> i have all of the "eras." >> if you had to pick one, what is your favorite? >> my favorite one would have to be "our song." >> my favorite era as my current era which is tired and always bloated. want to switch? >> no. >> do you still listen to the scooter brown version? >> occasionally. >> we do sometimes. >> they listen to the scooter braun version. they still listen to it. that's because there's a lot of debate as to be standing, sitting, quiet, screaming. will you be screaming? >> i think it will be will beautiful rocky horror picture show experience, calls and responses. >> you never see me at an orange julius. >> a safe space for women to gather and let go that doesn't

involve stationary bikes? i am in. sold out. totally sold out. >> i know! >> who would have thought? how did you like the movie? no spoilers. but did she finish the concert? >> yes. >> which song did you use for a bathroom break? be honest. >> we accidentally missed "anti-hero." >> you just have to learn how to hold it in until you get a kidney infection. with everybody sitting in therer totally silent? >> i feel like i was kind of singing under my breath. >> less singing and more monitoring in enchantment. >> like a prayer, like in church. >> do you think taylor should be tax exempt? >> she is already altering local economies everywhere. >> the fans went crazy. everyone was singing, everyone was dancing. the sound of the cinema is amazing, although everyone was screaming, i could hear every word. >> this is truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience. >> yeah, but i'm coming back tomorrow. >> all. got you. [cheers and applause] >> michael: thank you, desi. we're gonna take a quick break. but when we come back, jordan klepper is at

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when i got the script i was like, 'does taco bell really not have a breakfast taco?' doesn't that concern you? for sure. yeah, it's like going to a shoe store and they only sell socks. it's like a convience store that's at the top of mountain. it's like parachute pants that are tight. alright pete, we ready? i can say these ingredients in my sleep. and action! breakfast taco at last. fluffy eggs, melty cheese, savory sausage. see what i did there? i made a breakfast taco. (♪♪) [bong!] [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." donald trump is back out on the campaign trail.

which means jordan klepper is out on the trail with him for another installment of "fingers the pulse." ♪ ♪ >> "the daily show" is back on the air, so i am back in the field. just last week, i went to the shores of beautiful lake winnipesaukee. i had my first is trump rally ia while. the ex-president has been busy campaigning and juggling certain legal commitments. while have also been incredibly productive during these last few months. >> i have started four scripts, you know, a little bit of a novel, novella actually. long story short, five months later, very little to show for it. but it has been good. emotionally, just kind of stretch yourself, see what else is out there. find your voice, really. good job. this is my voice for better or worse. >> so i am still warming up. but i was excited to see the sights and sounds and the long lines of politically engaged

citizens. >> whatever trump does is smart. >> that is your boilerplate. you you just get in the credibility. >> it didn't take long to spot the new piece of march. the mug shot. >> this is his mug shot. >> so that was taken when he surrendered to authorities to have his picture taken. >> it says never surrender. >> let me see the back. >> it is just be 11. >> where is the butt part? that is implied? >> nick. take me through your fit. >> i bought the socks in town. >> the socks have trump here on it. >> yes, sir. >> how much did you pay for this much or? >> $40. to become what did you pay for that? >> $20. i get a had at least once a month. >> how many trump hats you have? >> probably 40 or so. >> how do you feel america is doing hunter biden? >> not good. inflation, gas prices going up. milk and eggs are through the

roof, buying regular food, you know. you got to work four jobs and pay rent. >> how much money have you spent on trump flags? >> couple thousand dollars. >> that is a lot. but people are having a hard time paying for the necessities. >> right. >> as the donald rolled in, i wondered what fresh ideas i've missed on the campaign trail. >> he has been talking about, when i was there, he was talking about how he changed the name from croke and hillary took a look at joe biden. >> he's focusing on the issues. >> yes. >> sadly, the donald's campaign appearances aren't the only thing on his schedule. >> how many indictments are we up to? >> georgia. >> okay, great. >> new york city. >> new york city. >> the bankruptcy. >> new york is a bankruptcy one. >> hard to keep them straight. >> there is a lot of them. >> there was way too many. >> i think they are just trying to throw him in jail. >> yeah. >> like what he said in new york. >> is that pre- or post the first indictment? >> i think it was the lady

charges. >> the lady chargers. is that stormy daniels or sexual assault? >> sexual assault. >> that he is guilty of? >> i think so. >> are you 100% sure you are voting for donald trump of the next election? >> yeah. >> no matter what happens with the trials, their election comes down to their guy versus the other guy. >> i mean, trump has done more than biden will ever do. that is the other side of it. he should be in jail! him and his kid for trees and! i mean, they are taking money from other countries who we are not really in favor of. >> the fact that you can have a member of your family, billions of dollars from saudi arabia is nuts, right? >> yeah! >> you think trump should be punished for all of that money that ivanka and your god? >> no! >> who are you talking about? >> i am talking about biden with his kid. >> not that jared and ivanka get from saudi arabia? >> no. >> that doesn't bother you? >> no. >> when it comes to one candidate who makes a better commander in chief, there is one

candidate. >> trump of the veterans. >> trump all the way. >> trump has called for the execution of general milley. does that rub you the wrong way as a veteran? >> i don't like him because he d the afghanistan thing. all of these generals are supposed to know what they are doing. it was a complete disaster. >> see you don't trust the generals. >> no, i don't. >> what he was excited to see inside? >> i want to see him speak, see what he has to say about israel. i know joe biden was doing a barbecue with his interview. >> we sent a fleet of naval ships to israel questioning >> you are against that. >> i am for that? >> you give biden credit for that. >> that is more the generals making the call. >> so you trust those generals? >> i don't know who was in there anymore so i don't care. >> ultimately, i wondered, what the maga faithful ever carry it about any of these criminal charges? probably not. exhibit a, just ask what their favorite rally was. >> i think january 6th is probably my favorite one. >> you were there?

>> oh, yeah. >> what made at your favorite one? >> aside from all the violence that was planned by the fbi and such. >> where they prod boys and oath keepers? >> no, they were antifa, black lives matter, isis, ms-13. >> january 6th was isis? >> antifa, black lives matter's, antifa, isis. >> anyone can put a maga hat on. >> come on, guys, i don't hope you see any antifa. and there is lots of trump hats, so that must be antifa. good luck. what was your first rally? >> january 6, 2020, d.c. >> if you are going to go to one. >> go to one. >> did you make it inside? >> i can't say that for legal reasons. >> you may or may not have been involved in business activity. >> well, can't get into that one. >> sure, sure. well, have fun. try not to overthrow any duly elected officials. >> no, we'll be good today. >> yeah, i trust him.

[cheers and applause] >> michael: thank you, jordan. when we come back, ian bremmer will be joining me on the show. don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪♪ ♪♪ ♪♪ life after student debt is within reach. refi at sofi.com you could save thousands and get to your goals faster. sofi. get your money right.

new quaker fruit fusion, with real fruit pieces. a bold start... ♪ to a bold morning. ♪ quaker. getting up to some good since 1877. [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is a political scientist and author of "the power of crisis." he helps business leaders, policy makers, and people like me make sense of the world. please welcome ian bremmer! ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] ian bremmer.

[cheers and applause] so, thanks for coming. >> happy to be here. >> michael: how can you help me make sense of what is happening right now? why did hamas attack right now and how can we make sense of this? >> so you know that story of the frog in the boiling pot? >> michael: yes. >> and you turn it up a little bit hotter and the frog doesn't move, doesn't jump out, just dies? whoever came up with that story has never been to gaza. >> michael: okay. >> okay. what has happened over the past years is that israel has gotten itself in a much stronger position. they are creating diplomatic deals with other countries around the region that want to work with them on investment and trade and tourism and even national security. and while that has been going on, the situation for the palestinians has only gotten worse. so if you are sitting on the ground in the occupied

territories, you feel like your friends in the region don't really care about you anymore. meanwhile, i got to tell you, i've been on tv a lot talking about israel over the last year, no one has been asking about what is happening with the palestinians. they've been asking about all those demonstrations that have happened. the judicial reform. the fact is that you have let an impossible situation, especially in gaza, with over 2 million palestinians who are living in atrocious conditions, and everyone has forgotten about them. that, by the way, includes here in the united states. so was it going to happen this last two weeks or was it going to happen in another month or three months? you weren't going to keep this stable. the lesson we learned is, it turns out, you can't actually forget about the palestinians. >> michael: i am trying to be a global citizen. i can't plead ignorance anymore to this part of the world. it was convenient for me for a

while. what can i do? what can anybody do? other than just hear the sad stories or like something on instagram, is there any action? how can i educate myself further? >> i would say spend less time on social media. >> michael: okay. >> it is dehumanizing, it is disinformation, it is actively destroying our democracy and others around the world. it is making -- algorithmically, it is taking people and it is making them angrier and more hateful than anything they would experience in real life. [applause] so if you want to make a difference, the last place you can make a difference is on social media where you are only exchanging information with people that are telling you, here is exactly what you need to believe, and those are the people you need to hate. no, it is spending more time with your family, with your community, in your school. it is with people that aren't just like you algorithmically! that is what you need to do. [applause] >> michael: really simple question. not to be insensitive, but for so many americans that see this as something so far

away, why should they care about what is happening? >> because in principle, we, the united states, stand for something beyond just ourselves. i mean, maybe america first doesn't quite say that. but the statue of liberty does. we all came from somewhere. [cheers and applause] right? i mean, the jews and the palestinians are the same people. they came from the same place. they have grown up in the same home. and we, as americans, who have historically represented that ethos better than anyone else on the planet, how can we not care when that is falling apart right now in the most tragic possible way in front of our eyes? how can we not care about that? that is why it matters to us as americans. not because oil is going to 150. not because people are losing their jobs. no. it is because we, as americans, if we stand for anything, we stand for that.

[cheers and applause] that's why the americans have to take the lead in diplomacy right now. not because we are honest brokers. the israelis are our top allies in the region. the palestinians, we've forgotten about them. we are the one country with leverage. we are the one country with real military assets that are all over the region. we are the one country that in principle can make a real difference, short, medium, and long-term to reduce the suffering that right now is exploding in this region. that is what we have to do. >> michael: thank you very much for talking with me. appreciate it. [cheers and applause] watch ian bremmer on "gzero world" on national public television. we are going to take a quick break. we'll be right back after this. thanks! tough topic. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause]

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ahhhhh! you're lucky you're so cute. only pay for what you need. ♪liberty. liberty. liberty. liberty.♪ [cheers and applause] >> michael: that's our show for tonight, but before we go, please consider supporting "save the children," who are on the ground working to protect and help children in gaza and israel. if you can, please donate at the link below. now, here it is. your "moment of zen." >> romney, who today could not get elected dog catcher in the great state of utah, should have beaten and absolutely failed first-term obama. but remember, republicans eat their young. they really do. they eat their young. terrible statement but it is true. and that is the problem with so many in ♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ goin' down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪