tv The Daily Show Comedy Central October 17, 2023 11:00pm-11:31pm PDT
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what? roller-coaster ride. roller-coaster. just goes to show, you leave scranton, exciting things can happen. ahh! captioning by captionmax www.captionmax.com ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america... it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, michael kosta! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome to "the daily show!"
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i'm michael kosta. this is my second night hosting -- two days! [cheers and applause] i have already lasted longer in new york than aaron rodgers. now we have a great show for you tonight so let's get into the headlines. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with an update on the war in the middle east. the situation is getting worse. the war is escalating. casualties are mounting. but there might be some help on the way. >> breaking news right now. from the white house to the war zone. president biden this evening is leaving washington for israel. >> with the conflict raging, the risk great, it is highly unusual that the white house would publicly confirm a presidential trip, but secretary of state antony blinken, after a seven hour marathon meeting with israel's prime minister overnight, made the announcement. >> on wednesday, president biden will visit israel.
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>> and that visit is intended to try to cool things down, to try to ratchet down the tensions somewhat, in some way if he can succeed, in addition to reaffirming u.s. solidarity with israel. we will see if there's any chance of this being successful. >> michael: that's right. president biden is facing this issue head-on and going straight into a war zone. he is flying to israel tonight. although, he is 80 years old, so he did get to the airport two days ago. i am proud of biden for putting himself in harm's way. although, let's be honest, biden doing anything pretty much puts him in harm's way. a rocket strike is dangerous, but so is a bicycle. i bet he can cool things down there, because if there is one thing biden is good at, it is cooling things down, whether it is a war, heated rhetoric, or voter enthusiasm. but all jokes aside, i really am glad to have a president who is there, because it is comforting
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to have a leader who might actually de-escalate a situation. donald trump went to console hurricane victims and by the time he was done, we were at war with syria. so good luck to biden and anyone who is trying to end the war. anyway, let's move onto the biggest cluster [bleep] outside of the middle east. the u.s. congress. [cheers and applause] two weeks ago, the house was thrown into chaos by matt gaetz, florida republican, and what happens when you photocopy matthew mcconaughey too many times. he staged a coup against kevin mccarthy, speaker of the house, and what happens when you photocopy john slattery too many times. and after that, everyone said the republicans were too divided to elect a new speaker, and it turns out, everyone was right. >> breaking news. >> chaos on capitol hill. the republican house dysfunction continues as the fight for a new speaker of the house continues
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to sputter. >> congressman jim jordan of ohio did not even come close to clinching the speakership. >> he failed rather ignominiously to win the gavel on the first ballot. >> jim jordan has 20 republicans who decided to vote for someone other than him. >> in a few cases, they voted for a guy who isn't even in congress anymore. >> michael: jordan! [applause] that's right. a big loss today for jim jordan, ohio representative, and what happens when you photocopy your grandfather's toe too many times. so -- [laughs] as of now, it has been two weeks and republicans arguing with each other, and they still have not been able to agree on a new speaker. which is a big deal. the speaker of the house is the person responsible for speaking... in the house. so if they don't have one, then nobody... is it speaking, and it is just so quiet in there. and congress can't do anything
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until they figure this out. they can't pass laws, they can't send foreign aid to ukraine, they can't impeach hunter biden's penis. right now, congress is basically mitch mcconnell. totally frozen. and no one knows how to fix it. [applause] it is okay to show that because he said he's fine. and finally, let's talk about hotness. and not the kind you are seeing on your screen right now. [cheers and applause] i am talking about the food in your mouth kind. >> finally, the new hottest pepper in the world. >> the popular youtube show "hot ones" surprise matt pepper scientist ed curry with a visit from the guinness world recordst know belongs to his creation called pepper x. >> the heat of a pepper is measured in school bill.
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for example, a jalapeno is 5,000 units. pepper spray is usually 1.6 million, and bear spray advertises at 2.2 million. but as for pepper x? >> 2.693 million scoville heat units. i was feeling the heat for 3 and a half hours. then, the cramps came. >> michael: cramps. wow. that is a hell of a pepper that gives a man a period. by the way, is pepper x the most creative names that could have come up with? how do you look at this thing and can't go with satan's nut sack? seriously, though, i love this story because this is what makes humans so great. we are always striving to break barriers that we don't need to break. that we even knew existed. we are always trying to dive a little bit higher, build a little bit taller, and devastate our sphincter is a little bit
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harder. for more on this new pepper, we go live to the laboratory it came from with our very own ronny chieng. [cheers and applause] ronny. ronny, this is pretty impressive. >> yeah, well max, this is so impressive. what a great use of science. our grandparents landed on the moon but we made food hotter to eat. >> michael: okay, i'm not saying it is a biggest deal ever, but i thought it was a nice accomplishment. >> yeah, for white people maybe. i am from malaysia, okay? i have been eating spicy food since i was a baby. my mom had five alarm breast milk. her nipples were basically cerrato nozzles. i eat so much spicy food, my driver's license has three peppers on it like a pf chang's menu.
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and that is why i never invite you to dinner, kosta, because i know you can't handle the heat and because i don't like you. >> michael: first of all, ou ouch. secondly, i don't care how much spicy food you have eaten. this is hotter than bear spray. >> may be for post see american barrows like yogi. you give this to a panda bear? he would be like, why am i eating this lame ass pepper when i can be busy not having sex. >> michael: dude, this paper is 2.7 million school scoville units. come on. >> oh, my god! 2 million scoville units? that is like 10 billion dip shit units. or some other scale i also just made up. it is all marketing, kosta. this is why your 5 million z units was to as a measure of how much i don't want to have dinner with you encase you are wondering, and that is the highest you can go. >> michael: ronny, you are just getting mad at me because maybe, a white guy invented a pepper that you can't handle.
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>> [audience reacts] please! you think i'm scared of this pepper? i will rub this on my eyeballs and eat it right now. [cheers and applause] >> michael: this counts as i was having dinner together, by the way. >> no, it doesn't! this pepper ain't shit. >> michael: ronny -- >> no big deal. >> michael: oh, my god. ronny, ronny, you are on fire! >> no, that is something else. this pepper tastes great. look, i will need another one. >> michael: ronny, do not eat another -- ronny! >> kosta, relax, okay? this always happens when i eat something delicious. i am just going to go over here right now. do you have any water? not because of spice. my throat is just dry. i am fine! [cheers and applause]
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>> michael: you know what, i am sure he's okay. okay. ronny chieng, everyone. [cheers and applause] when we come back, i will tell you why bees are fish alright, you guys want to do a little swap? i mean yeah, i could be into it.. just like a one time, casual thing with tyler? i was talking about just switching up teams... for fun.
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i don't like this game... today i'm doing the degree gray t-shirt challenge. let's put degree advanced and old spice to the test, and see if i get any sweat marks. ♪ final result? only one winner here. no sweat marks. degree advanced. keeps working when others stop. (alarm ring) let's go. everything they've tasted until now. ok. was just practice for this.
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oh my goodness gracious. these are the two sauces. sweet and spicy jam, and the mambo. look how that thang drizzle on there. the way it's glistening, stop. oh my. mh, mh, mh. sweet & spicy jam and mambo sauce are on the mcdonald's menu for a limited time. oh my goodness. ♪ba da ba ba ba♪ [swords clanging] [yipping] [rumbling] [rumbling] [explosions] [whooshing] [crashing] ♪ “nautilus" by anna meredith ♪ [swords clanging] [yipping] [music builds and fades] [distant crashing nears] [swords clanging] [music resumes] ♪ [cheers and applause]
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>> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." we all love breaking the law, whether it is going 5 miles over the speed limit or adding five extra children to your tax return. but i found an organization that was bending the law for good. check it out. california has successfully turned to drugs into medicine, and reasons into people, but this time? they have gone too far. >> bees and are legally considered fish. >> bumblebee's are now considered fish. >> bumblebees, fish, and the state of california. >> what the [bleep]'s california up to now? to find out, i went to meet the environmentalist sabrina jepsen with the conservationist group the xerxes society positioned the state to turn bees into fish. >> serena, are bees fish? >> no. bees are not fish. >> to >> michael: okay. i was so almost certain that they weren't. you know, fish for a fish, bee
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for a bee. >> these are not fish but the california legislature decades ago to find fish to include several different animals including invertebrates and bees are unquestionably a type of inverted men. so according to california state law, bees are fish. >> michael: you just said that bees are not fish and then you said that bees are fish. do i look dumb to you? >> no. we have just utilized the definitions under the california endangered species act to seek protection for species of bees that are close to extension. we want to make things even more confusing, only some bees are now fish. >> the western bumblebee. >> michael: the bumble socks dallas? that is a western one? >> franklins bumblebee, the cuckoo bumblebee. >> michael: we can't really say that on tv. >> the one that occurs here. >> michael: what is that one called? >> crotch's bumblebee? >> michael: bumblebee crotch? oh, my god, i had that in college.
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does that really affect our life that the borealis cockeyed bumblebee is gone? >> if we let enough species go extinct and we no longer have a diverse suite of native pollinators, we will start seeing problems with pollination of crops and pollination of our native ecosystem. >> michael: so probably be as an endangered fish is a way to protect them under california law. problem solved. right? >> i don't think bees are fish. >> i knew it. >> i just don't think that is the case. >> michael: the next thing you will tell me is that tomato is a fruit. speak to >> michael: is a member of the almond alliance of california, stuart will suit along with agriculture and spice aside groups to exclude bees from the endangered species act because protecting these bees would hit him right in the nuts. >> whenever you have more risk and you have the possibility of more regulation, then ultimately, you have higher cost. there will be more insects and there will be more protections. it will simply grow from here. >> michael: i mean, what are
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they going to impact, all invertebrates? slugs, worms, bear's? where does it stop? you can't just go changing the names of stuff even if it benefits you. right? right? >> michael: i am okay with this whole not being called milk, but calling a bee a fish feels pretty california to me. >> i can't argue with that. >> michael: yeah, yeah. is it milk? milk, is almond milk milk? >> you are talking to them and allman grover, so i believe almond bulk mother is such a thing. there is those who believe that it has to come from a mammal but that will likely be figured out in the courts. >> michael: in the end, the fate of the bees wasn't sided with the help of a much more resilient and dangerous species, lawyers. law student sam joyce and professor matt sanders at stanford's environmental law clinic successfully lawyer the bees into fish.
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and i had a pretty good idea why. >> michael: let's be honest here. who was making the big bucks? is it the lawyers? >> we represent our clients on a pro bono basis. >> michael: pro bono. what does that mean? >> for free. >> michael: [laughs] for free? >> i have actually been paying money to be here. >> michael: you actually paid money to call bees fish? and this is the problem with today's campuses and universities. >> michael: of suckers fought a legal battle to save the bees just because they love the environment? okay. how do they pull that off? >> michael: explained to me how the [bleep] bees are fish? >> the california fish and game code, section 45, defines fish. it says that a fish is a wild fish or a crustacean or mollusk or an invertebrate or an amphibian. >> michael: . >> michael: okay. >> bees are invertebrates, so bees fall within the definition of fish in this law.
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>> michael: this is like questions, you know, finding a way to have sex before they are married. you know, hand stuff. this is a legal loophole. come on. >> if anything, the loophole here is trying to play on the definitions or the terms within the endangered species act and say, sorry, this can cover plants, it can cover other animals, but it can't cover insects? that sounds like a loophole. >> michael: i guess with legal advice, you really get what you pay for. and with that, i had studied the issue from almost every angle, except the most important one. ♪ ♪ >> michael: okay. so i think i get it. it doesn't matter if bees are fish or fish are bees. those are just labels. and everything deserves a right to exist and pollinate and to reproduce and be happy. that is what this is about. >> more or less, yes. >> michael: i think i get it. thank you. [cheers and applause] >> thank you.
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♪ ♪ >> michael: sorry. one more thing. so are bees fish? >> no. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] >> michael: when we come back, emily oster will explain how data can help inform parenting. don't go away. [cheers and applause] ♪♪ neither snowcapped mountains, nor puddles of water, nor unexpected detours with a 20 foot drainage pipe,
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which doesn■t spy on your searches, and it blocks cookies and creepy ads. and there's no catch. it's free. we make money from ads, but they don't follow you around. join the millions of people taking back their privacy by downloading duckduckgo on mobile and desktop today. ♪ ♪ the cheese dog is born. boom! booking.com vacation ideas? oooo! a resort with a great pool. how about a rental, with a bigger pool? i like that idea. play ball in more places. booking.com / booking.yeah [cheers and applause] >> michael: welcome back to "the daily show." my guest tonight is an economist at brown university and author of several books on data-driven
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parenting. please welcome emily oster! [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ hello! >> hello. >> michael: thank you for coming. [cheers and applause] ♪ ♪ all right. exciting, huh? >> i am excited. >> michael: data. >> and parenting. and babies. >> michael: and babies. what does parent data mean? >> there is data on parents and i am a firm believer that data is the key to making your parenting easier and happier and more relaxed. >> michael: some clip somewhere, might have even been in this book, "expecting better," which, maybe 10-year anniversary, this book? >> yeah. [cheers and applause] >> michael: wow. amazing. i am paraphrasing, but there is two preschools or two day cares, they are both of equal, credible value. which one should i go to as a parent? your answer was, go to the one that is closest to your house. >> yeah.
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for me, that is emblematic of what i think it is hard and often overthought about parenting is, we have this idea that there is a right way to do it. there is a correct day care. you can really get down the rabbit hole. well, these teachers have this qualifications and this method. at the end of the day, there are a lot of right ways to do this. and those kind of considerations are most of the time so much less important than what works for your family and what makes you happy and usually what makes you happy is driving less, so that is why you should go to the one closer. >> michael: our day care doesn't have room for a stroller. so i push the stroller there. then, i fold the stroller up and i lock it to a telephone pole outside. and then my wife, who picks up the kids, has to unlock the stroller. i mean, this is -- and i am a celebrity. you know what i mean? this is what it is like in new york city. but data parenting is nice. it's -- i like the term. it sounds good. but when my 3-year-old is punching me in the face on
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father's day for the three times that day and i'm about to lose it, i'm not thinking about data. >> so there are some problems for which data is not necessarily going to fix the problem but i think there is another piece of data in parenting. i think this is really true. we can use data to feel less alone. and parenting is hard. your kids hit you in the face, it is painful. >> michael: it hurts. it doesn't matter how old they are. >> but the data is that will say is that 100 of percent of kids hit, 100% of kids hit their dad. and so you are not alone because 100% of other people will also hit on father's day. in some sense, i think that that tells us that we are doing okay. there is nothing wrong with your kid. they just hit sometimes. >> michael: are we in a time where there is more fear associated with eating sushi, drinking alcohol, or has it always been this fear, and here comes professor oster to offer these guidelines? are you a product of there being
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an excess amount of fear now? >> fundamentally, yes. if you look at the broad swath of history, certainly, there are medieval times, we were not concerned about sushi. that was not the primary worry. the plague and sushi was low on the list. but i do think in the last 15, 20, maybe 30 years, there has become this culture of achievement in parenting. and the idea that you have to do it right. and of course, when you have the baby or before that, you realize a lot of things are out of your control. in fact, many of these small things don't actually matter. some of the book is about saying, hey, let's focus on the stuff that is important and not think so much about the things that are less important that are just causing you to be anxious and not get to eat delicious fish. >> michael: how can parents, the kid is crying or you got punched
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in the face on father's day, or you can't eat deli meats, where do we go? >> so i would like people to go to parentdata.org, which is the website where we put together sort of the whole broad range of stuff i have written and these books, and then in my newsletter about what the data says about many of these kinds of questions. i think it is part of a general effort to basically, when you wake up in the middle of the night and you are like, why is my kid's poop this color? is that an okay color? the website will be like, here is a color coded graph of the appropriate colors when you go, this is a fine color. green is cool. i will go back to sleep. >> michael: all the nonparents are like, jesus christ. what is wrong with you guys? is there any data on vasectomies? >> vasectomies are amazing. >> michael: okay. >> vasectomies are a great form of birth control and they are an outpatient procedure and you just need an ice pack down there and it works great. so it is worth considering. [cheers and applause] >> michael: [laughs] thank you for chatting with us. sorry that was my last question. be sure to check out emily's "parent data" podcast and
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since 1965, angela hospice has been providing a crucial service to southeast michigan. my sister works there is an nurse practitioner. if you can help, please donate at the link below. now here it is. your "moment of zen." >> are you ready for the temperature roller coaster? all right! here we go! oh! minneapolis tomorrow, you are 53! 33 degrees drop! to mourn, 61! 27 degrees! lookout, detroit! 61! 61! and look at those temperatures! ♪♪ les: ♪ i'm goin' down to south park ♪ gonna have myself a time ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ les: ♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor" ♪ les: ♪ headin' on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪ ♪ murpph mmmph mmph mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪ ♪ murpph mmmph mmph mmmph mrrr mff mrmmph! ♪ les: ♪ come on down to south park, and meet some friends of mine ♪
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