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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  November 1, 2023 11:00pm-11:31pm PDT

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what the hell is that? those are the doves. [applause] (man) all right! ♪ ♪ >> announcer: from new york city, the only city in america... it's the show that invented news. this is "the daily show" with your host, charlamagne tha god! [cheers and applause]
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♪ ♪ >> charlamagne: hello, hello! welcome to "the daily show!" i'm your host, charlamagne tha god. what's happening? [cheers and applause] that's right! it's night three behind the desk and we're over halfway done with my week. so unfair. yeah, man. just when you start to get the hang of it, it's over! it's like being married to kim kardashian. we've got a great show for you tonight! let's get into the headlines. ♪ ♪ [cheers and applause] let's kick things off with some of the fallout from the war in israel and palestine. obviously, there's a lot of terrible things happening in the middle east. but what's crazy is that some americans have responded to that by deciding that we need to make things bad over here too. >> a warning tonight from the fbi director about the rising anti-semitism and islamophobia
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in the united states. >> i will say that this is a threat that is reaching, in some ways, sort of historic levels. >> the antidefamation league reports since the war began, anti-semitic incidents in the u.s. are up nearly 400% from the same period last year. >> muslim leaders are also reporting an uptick in hate crimes, with the council on american islamic relations citing more than 800 complaints across the country since the beginning of october. >> charlamagne: well, saw that coming. we're so predictable with this bullshit. and it is bullshit! you know things are bad when antisemitism is up 400% and kanye hasn't even tweeted yet. i swear, man, sometimes i think americans only read the news so they know who to hate on. some people will hear about a war in sudan and think, "well, i never heard of this country before, but yeah, i could learn some new slurs!" america, we have got to stop hating people just because of their ethnicity or their religion! and go back to hating them for
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the content of their character, like dr. king wanted. [cheers and applause] and there is so much actual shit to hate on in the world, like matcha. what is it? why is it in everything now? hating jews isn't gonna fix the middle east, but hating matcha could result in some real change on cafe menus. all right? okay? now there is probably some people out there saying, well, i'm not jewish or muslim, so this doesn't involve me. maybe even some black folks that are saying, even for a few minutes, the hate isn't directed at once. i can finally get a weekend off." but that's not really the way it is, because once hatred is unleashed, best believe it spreads to everyone. because unlike mitch mcconnell's brain, hate doesn't stop. [applause and laughter] let's move on to sports. in the nba, superstar james harden has been traded from the philadelphia 76ers to
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the los angeles clippers. and i think it's a good trade. because the clippers need james harden, and james harden definitely needs some clippers -- look at the beard, man. as always, sports commentators have a lot of strong feelings about this trade, but maybe some of those feelings you shouldn't say out loud. >> he talked about going to houston to be the old james harden. because he thought that's what they needed. they didn't have anyone else like he was talking like that. but he is not going back to that. >> is the man retarded? >> you can't use that word, but sure. >> i'm sure -- developmentally disabled. >> sure. >> to think that he is going to go to the clippers where they have kawhi leonard as the number one option, paul george as the number two and still russell westbrook there and think that he's going to kick off. >> i didn't know what you were gonna say today. i'm shocked. this is not gonna work. >> let me apologize for using that word. >> charlamagne: [laughs] oh, man. chris saw the tweets coming,
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didn't he? you see how high the other dude raised his eyebrow? any time an eyebrow goes that high, your ass is about to get canceled. look, chris was getting a lot of heat online for saying what he said, but i think we need to have some grace for people using the wrong words. chris broussard is 55 years old. as a rule, anyone over the age of 45 should get a pass on using word choices. it is hard to break old habits. it was normal to say that word to the '90s. there is not -- it is not okay. but there is a reason i answer the phone sometimes and say wazzup! and now we know that language is hurtful to people, what most people don't know is that the word "retarded" was originally the p.c. term. it's true! the official scientific word used to be "moron," but people started using it as an insult, so doctors changed it to "retarded." that became the insult. then, the same thing happened with "special." so now they use
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"developmentally disabled." but guess what? now kids call each other "dd" on the playground! any new word you come up with is eventually going to become an insult! so maybe that is what we should do, maybe just say any word but say it in the right tone and it sounds insulting. "i'm glad they traded james harden. he is acting like a goddamn baked potato. yeah, i said it. with no toppings." what i'm saying is, when it comes to keeping up with changes in language, we're always gonna be a step too slow. i mean "special." i mean "developmentally -- you know what, just move on. finally, let's talk about policing in america. by now, we're all used to stories about police misconduct. but not ones like this. >> new tonight, deputies in florida are on the hunt for the person behind the booty patrol. desoto county sheriff's office is hoping the public can help identify the driver of this white chevy silverado. investigators say this person is
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impersonating law enforcement and pulling people over. the truck is equipped with red and blue lights and has the words "booty patrol," as you see, on the side. >> charlamagne: the booty patrol! now this is a "law & order" spin-off i'd watch. i like how the cops are asking for help finding the booty patrol guy, like he's batman or something. "we don't know his true identity. all we know is when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in his face, he gets sprung." [laughs] this is such a funny story. somehow it's still gonna end with a cop shooting someone, but until then, it's hilarious. for more on this booty patrol story, we go live down to florida with desi lydic. [cheers and applause] desi! desi, this story is just hilarious. >> no, no, it's not, charlamagne. what this is is stolen valor. this is a slap in the face to the brave men and women of the
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real booty patrol, who are out there in the streets every day, keeping those booties as thick and juicy as possible. >> charlamagne: hold on, i thought the booty patrol was a joke. you're telling me it's real? >> not only is it real, but you're talking to the proud daughter and niece of booty patrollers. but i guess that's all a joke to you, huh, charlamagne? you think it's funny that my dad spent countless nights protecting dumps like a truck, truck, truck? is it funny to you that my uncle had to be always ready for that jelly? >> charlamagne: no, i don't, it's not funny at all. i mean, it's a little funny. >> may be to you. but it wasn't funny when my granddad lost his life in the line of booty. >> charlamagne: i didn't realize. i'm so sorry. >> my grandma always warned him that one day there'd be too much booty for one man to handle... and it finally happened. i'll never forget the day that officer came to my grandma's
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porch and gave her this pair of folded-up booty shorts. she just fell to the floor in tears. then she bounced right back up, because of dat ass. >> charlamagne: i've learned a lot today. don't mock something before you have all the facts. >> that's right. that's exactly right, charlamagne. and that doesn't just apply to the booty patrol. that goes for all the heroes who serve. the federal breast inspectors. the dtf. the secret cervix. and of course, the federal erection commission. they truly have the hardest job. >> charlamagne: [laughs] this has been eye-opening, desi. family's history with the booty patrol, that you never served. >> oh, i did. but i was dishonorably discharged. >> charlamagne: for what? >> sexual harassment.
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>> charlamagne: desi lydic, everybody. [cheers and applause] when we come back, i'll be speaking to republican presidential candidate nikki haley! so don't go anywhere. [cheers and applause] you invest in yourself... and in others. you make the commitment when times are tough...
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[cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: welcome back to "the daily show." earlier, i had the opportunity to interview the former governor of my home state of south carolina. she served as trump's ambassador to the united nations, and now she's a republican candidate for president. here's my conversation with nikki haley. how are you, governor? >> i am great. it's great to be with you. >> charlamagne: that's right. got another south carolinian in the building. i want to ask you my first question. why doesn't the g.o.p. just move away from trump and get behind you? >> they will. they just need some time. they are getting there. i mean, right now, we are second in iowa, second in new hampshire, second in south carolina. i think the main thing is, they know that they don't want a president kamala harris, and i think they realize they are going to have to have somebody else that can beat joe biden. and so we are going to get there. it is slow and steady wins the race and we have done that. we are touching as many hands as
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we can and answering every question and at the end of the day, i think we will finish this. >> charlamagne: it doesn't seem like any republican candidate has a chance against trump against trump unless trump goes to prison. why are so many people running? >> well, you know, i think they are running because everybody realizes that no one wants a trump-biden rematch. i mean, look, we need a new generational leader. it is time to get rid of all the older people. i mean, you look at the senate. it is the most privileged nursing home in the country. it is time for us to start getting some new generational people in there, and let the old guys go to the wayside. >> charlamagne: now i know y'all are friends but isn't it time for people like tim scott to drop out? aren't they just wasting time at this point? >> yeah, you want to tell him that? >> charlamagne: i think i just did. [laughter] >> i will leave that to you. i am not going to be the one to tell him to get out. i will leave that up to you.
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>> charlamagne: but you've got to get through trump first. you did rip trump at the g.o.p. summit. you said he pursues chaos, vendettas. >> listen, i have told people, the pro-trump people are upset because they think i don't love him enough. the anti-trump people are upset because they don't think i hate him enough. i call the chips like they are. i put it down where they may. there is multiple things we can talk about that i have differences. i just focus on the policy side. i don't focus on the personal side. >> charlamagne: i agree with everything you just said. if he became the g.o.p. nominee, would you still vote for him? >> well, we all signed a pledge saying that we would vote for the nominee, and i've got to tell you, at this point, anyone would be better than joe biden but it is going to be me. and i am going to make sure that we go and do what we need to to get american families back on track again. >> charlamagne: you know, let's talk term limits. you said you support term limits and i actually agree with you on that. do you think that term limits should be measured in years or freezing episodes? i think you should get one freezing episode, just one. one freebie. any more after that, you got to
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retire. what do you think? >> [laughs] i think we would be kicking a lot of people out then right now. you know, i think that we have to have term limits. it is two reasons. one is, i told you, i think the senate is the most privileged nursing home in the country. they stay too long. they get used to the power. but the other side of it is, when you run for office, you are as close to the people as it gets. you have listened, you know what people want, and you really know how to go in there and get things done. the longer you stay, the more you move away from the people. i think that is what has happened. you look at what is happening in d.c. and they are so tone-deaf. both republicans and democrats don't understand the value of a taxpayer dollar. they don't understand that we have had serious issues with education. they don't understand the fact that crime is high and they are not doing anything about it. they don't understand that we've got threats facing us everywhere from terrorists and they are continuing to talk about things that don't matter. so yeah, i think we need to have term limits because i think we have a lot of people in d.c. who
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literally have lost what they american people want. i think that we need to start having that again. we had term limits when i ran for governor. you've got term limits for anyone that runs for president. that way, you go in there, you focus on the people and you focus on your legacy. i think that is important. >> charlamagne: you are a relatively younger candidate. a woman of color. a child of immigrant parents, which on paper makes you more appealing to a lot of younger voters. but besides your identity, how do you plan to appeal to voters who are much further to the left of your platform? >> what i can tell you, the younger generation, they are different than my generation. they don't care about money as much as they do about really wanting to make a difference. really wanting to contribute to our country. they care more about the environment and they want to talk about that. they care more about making sure that they don't watch news because they think both sides are crazy, and i don't think they are wrong about that. and i think that the younger generation is going to be the group that saves us. they actually have a lot of good common sense. we have to start engaging them.
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we have to start bringing them in. you know, i look at my kids, they are 22 and 25. they are very sober about what is happening in the country right now. and they really know that this is not how they want to live and that they deserve better. i don't want to just get a party. i don't want to get a demographic. i really want to talk to everybody and let them know i'm going to work for them and i am going to work hard to earn their support. >> charlamagne: i want you to engage young voters, i want you to earn their support. but are you willing to promise right now that you will not try to rap in order to do that? >> can i just say this, i loved eminem and that song before then, and ramaswamy just ruined that for me. like, no. i will never rap. you don't want me to rap. i have always said, if you ever see me doing karaoke, you better take me home because something is really wrong. [laughter] >> charlamagne: we are going to take a quick break.
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when we come back, more of my interview with nikki haley. stick around. [cheers and applause] that first time you take a step back. i made that. with your very own online store. i sold that. and you can manage it all in one place. i built this. and it was easy, with a partner that puts you first. godaddy. rufus hates being stuck inside. [dog whines] luckily, amy saved big at amazon. turns out, with the right gear, rufus rips. (♪♪)
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because it stinks. ♪have you tried downy rinse and refresh♪ it helps remove odors 3x better than detergent alone. it worked guys! ♪yeahhhh♪ downy rinse and refresh. popcorners! i know just the guy to talk to. what are these? say. their. name. popcorners! tight! tight! tight! yeah! [cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: welcome back to "the daily show," with me, charlamagne tha god. we are back with more of my conversation with republican presidential candidate nikki haley. why don't you play the identity politics game? that is something democrats want to do. they talk about how diverse they are. why don't you get into the identity politics game and play up being indian? a lot of voters think you are a white woman. >> you know, look, i grew up -- we were the only indian family in a small, rural, southern town in south carolina.
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we weren't white enough to be white. we weren't black enough to be black. and i remember when i would get teased on the playground and i would come home, my mom would always say, your job is not to show them how you are different. your job is to show them how you are similar. and that lesson on the playground has played out throughout my life. whether it was in the corporate world, whether it was as governor, ambassador, when you are faced with a challenge, if you first talk about the things you agree on, people let their guard down. then you can talk about how you want to get to the solution. i think the problem is, when you start labeling people, you are assuming that they are different than you. i don't want to just be a woman. i don't want to just be indian. i don't want to just be a mom. i don't want to just be a republican. i don't want to just be all of those things. i am more than that. and i think every person is more than that. and what i know is, if you look across america, we agree on 80% of the things. it's the 20% we fight over. so why add more divisions by talking about labels? i don't want to talk about
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labels. i think that's what's caused us to get into this situation where everybody in this country is so divided. i want to talk more about what we can agree on and how we move forward as a country. >> charlamagne: do you think being a woman will keep the g.o.p. from fully supporting you? do you think that the sexism in the g.o.p. could get behind you? >> well, you know, there has never been any lines to the women's bathroom in any of the jobs i have ever had. you know, when i defeated a 30-year incumbent when i ran for the statehouse seat, south carolina was the lowest in the country on women elected officials. when i won governor, i was the first female, first minority governor in history, of the entire country, much less south carolina. when i was ambassador at the security council, i was the only woman there. i don't worry about being a woman at all. i mean, i wear heels. it's not for a fashion statement. it is because if i get mad, i am ready to kick any time. i think that people have always respected me because they know i
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do my homework, they know i fight for what i believe in, and i tell the truth. i tell the hard truths, whether they want to hear it or not. and i think that is where i have always been different. >> charlamagne: i got a few more questions for you. as a former u.n. ambassador, when you see palestine and israel going at it, you hear talks of iran might get involved, you hear russia and hamas are growing closer, china might move on taiwan. biden says the u.s. will defend the philippines against china, the pentagon says they have a nuclear weapon 24 times stronger than what they dropped on japan. china is building up its nuclear weapon arsenal. how close are we to world war iii do you think? >> the world is on fire. and america better wake up because right now, america is acting like it is september 10th. and we better remember what september 12th felt like. because all it takes is one time. what i will tell you is, all of our enemies -- and i dealt with them every day for two years when i was at the
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united nations -- every one of them is looking at joe biden and they know he is not at the top of his game. they see him freezing up. they see that he can't hear. they look at the fact that they see donald trump and they see all of the chaos that comes with that and they are just banking on us continuing down this path that is not good for us. we need to be strong. we need to be clear. and we need to do everything it takes to prevent war. a strong america doesn't start wars. a strong america prevents wars. right now, our enemies don't fear us and that is the problem. what we have to do is stop being reactionary and start letting other countries know what we expect of them. that is what i did at the united nations. that is what i will do as your president. >> charlamagne: i want to bring it back to south carolina another south carolinian, dnc chair jamie harrison. he recently called you a maga minion and said that you were a dangerous, out of touch, and a maga extremist governor who was a complete disaster for south carolina. he said, "nikki may be singing a different song now but don't be fooled when it comes to the issues, she is just as extreme
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as the rest of the maga field and the good people of south carolina have had enough." would you ever drink sweet tea with jamie harrison again? >> bless his heart. what i will do is i will pray for him. how about that? >> charlamagne: that is a good south carolina answer. that means f him, by the way. when you tell someone that you will pray for them in south carolina, that means f you, jamie. >> you knows what that means. and you know what, when you said, bless your heart, that is a nice way of kicking with a smile. >> charlamagne: [laughs] absolutely. my last question. are you wearing higher heels than ron desantis next week at the debates so you can look taller than him on the stage? >> [laughs] i don't know. we will have to figure that out. i can tell you, i have always talked about my high heels. i have never hid that from anybody. i have always said, don't wear them if you can't run in them. so we will see if he can run in them. >> charlamagne: absolutely. governor nikki haley, y'all. nikki, hope to see you in studio whenever you come to new york. whether it is "the breakfast club" or
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"the daily show." >> charlamagne, keep kicking it. south carolina is proud of you. i am proud of you. keep doing what you are doing. it is good stuff. >> charlamagne: thank you. we are going to take a quick break but we will be right back after this. [cheers and applause] [swords clanging] [yipping] [rumbling] [rumbling] [explosions] [whooshing] [crashing] ♪ “nautilus" by anna meredith ♪ [swords clanging] [yipping] [music builds and fades] [distant crashing nears] [swords clanging]
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get your new experian smart money™ debit card and digital checking account through the experian app. [cheers and applause] >> charlamagne: that's our show for tonight, but before we go: please consider supporting the
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boris lawrence henson foundation. they are a non-profit committed to eradicating the stigma of mental health issues in the african-american community. if you can, please donate to the link below. now, here it is. your "moment of zen." >> same goes for islamophobia. there is no place for that in the country. it must be condemned equally as strong and we all need to work to stop that kind of hate as well. >> we got to stop hate that is the coolest -- i am a nascar fan. you have got to tell me where you got ♪ i'm goin' down to south park, gonna have myself a time ♪ ♪ friendly faces everywhere ♪ humble folks without temptation ♪ ♪ goin' down to south park, gonna leave my woes behind ♪ ♪ ample parking day or night ♪ people spouting, "howdy, neighbor!" ♪ ♪ heading on up to south park, gonna see if i can't unwind ♪

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